An Admonition to the Reluctant ClopperBy drawing out his fleshy tool,An Admonition to the Reluctant Clopper in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
He half-invites to be taken for a fool,
When reluctance fails to help him repent,
Nor escape from his practice of personal torment.
By crying loud for help to avoid this lewdness, 
He opts for the route of faithful shrewdness;
To give up clopping, he says with sincerity,
Would help return to a previous prosperity.
His life oft-regarded for such a precious thing,
Now amorously enslaved by the hopeless sting 
At the tip of his member when he surfs for smut,
And suffocates himself for sexual glut.
Resolutions on the cusp of every New Year
Fail to draw him from his state of despair:
There's a Hole in my Lyra (Down Below)"Written from the Venerable Earl... to the concerned party,There's a Hole in my Lyra (Down Below) in Letters More Like This
It has come to my attention that with grave discourse many have seemingly adopted a negative stance towards the recent pony plush-toy range with the custom-cut vagina. I contend that such a plush has every right to exist and that those negatively disposed towards it are failing to see the multitudinous benefits to its existence. Firstly, and with the greatest of importance, may I add, I strongly argue that this plush-toy is no less acceptable than any other erotic image or work of fiction designed with the primary objective of helping a brony to reach a satisfying climax. In fact, I
The Great Fandom DebateI was on the internet in Springtime in a very secluded corner when I heard an obsessive and an abstainer holding a great debate. Their argument was fierce, passionate, and vehement, sometimes sotto voce, sometimes loud; and each of them swelled with rage against the other and let out all their anger, and said the very worst they could think of about the other's character, and especially they argued strongly against each other's passion.The Great Fandom Debate in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
The abstainer began the argument in the corner of a forum and perched on a high pedestal---there was plenty of distance around it--- behind an impenetrable thick wall. He was all the happier because of the wa
Typical Brony Leaving the FandomI'm leaving the pony fandom;Typical Brony Leaving the Fandom in Free Verse More Like This
I'm done with all the gossiping and the bitching,
The back-stabbing and the gender-switching
Between people who pretend they're something
They're not. 
I'm getting out of the fandom;
I'm sick of its porn and its gore,
Its darker side and its desire for more
To join the herd of egotistical pricks
Like them. 
I'm tired of this fandom;
I'm bored by endless proverbs and morals,
By the puffed-up glands of internet quarrels
Of who loves and tolerates in greater amounts
And wins. 
I've had it with this fandom;
I'm hateful towards drama and exaggeration,
Towards those who react to every situat
When My Little Pony Meets Horny TeenagersYou remember the My Little Pony from the eighties, don't you? Even if you didn't grow up with it, you most likely know of its existence. Those pudgy plastic collectable figures and the nostalgically bad kid's TV show to accompany them were very much a product of the times, embodying the consumer Zeitgeist of the period. And now we look back on their evanescence with misty eyes, firmly believing that they deserved the 'young-girl' tag that went with the product.When My Little Pony Meets Horny Teenagers in Articles & Interviews More Like This
It must largely be the visual appeal of the 2010 re-boot of the franchise, "Friendship is Magic", that has made a whole group of older individuals into fans. Those old, chubby ponies
Beauty and BestalityHinata rested on a towel on a Brazilian beach, sunglasses masking her eyes from the sun. Her smooth and slender body was clad in only a revealing black bikini that matched her dark hair. She was attempting to get more sun to increase her tan. She chose this secluded spot specifically, so as to elude any prying eyes of prowling males. She had succeeded, for human males at least.Beauty and Bestality in Science Fiction More Like This
In the murky nearby water there was a tiny pair of beady eyes, hardly dicernable from the other flotsom in the water. But just beneath those two eyes was the body of a simply massive male anaconda. It was now in the process of stalking young Hinata as a tasty meal. Sh
Of Girls and CoilsBaily squirmed in her chair, wrapped from her mouth to her ankles in electric tape. At her request, Baily had a friend bind her up well with restricting tape. Trouble was, Baily didn't tell her friend to undo her later. So now Baily attempted to squeeze out of her bindings, although it was clearly hopeless. She couldn't deny that she was sort of enjoying it though...Of Girls and Coils in Science Fiction More Like This
Baily was a half-Indian young woman with an amazing dark complextion and a perfect curvy body. And she was also quite proud of her very generous chest, which stuck out proudly from her body, showing up as a large swelling from the tape. She grunted, her legs and arms bound tight
Wrestling and WrappingSusan smiled, getting into her sweat shorts and orange tank top, eager to begin what she wanted to do for a long time. A new sport had come out a year or two ago that involved wrestling with, and wearing down, large constrictor snakes. The smallest allowed were boa constrictors, but there was no such thing as 'too big' so far in wrestling matches. Susan had tried to get into the sport professionally, but the pigs in charge said that she had a limitation. She was too light to wrestle. Weight minimum for the pro's was 130 pounds. Susan was 114. Perhaps the first time a woman wanted to be heavier! Susan planned to show them though. She had beenWrestling and Wrapping in Science Fiction More Like This
Scaly TemptationSamantha looked through the glass of the door window at the massive female tiger reticulated python named Gorgeous. And gorgeous she was. Gorgeous was 32 feet long from the tip of her snout to the tip of her tail. Despite her sluggish look, Gorgeous was all muscle and scale. She posessed great bulk, her total body weight reaching over 300 pounds of pure muscle. A truly beautiful specimen of serpent.Scaly Temptation in Science Fiction More Like This
Even more so to Samantha. Ever since she was a child Samantha had loved the feel of snake scales. She had owned several small snakes throughout her life, but she never had anything big enough to even have wrap around her waist as she would greatl
Melody of HypnosisDeep in the jungles of India was a particularly beautiful lake with clear and well temperatured water. This naturally attracted animals there, but most either left, or were never seen again. This was because Kaa had taken residence there. Kaa was widely accepted as the most dangerous predator in the jungle, only rivaled by Shere Khan, and even then many would rather deal with the tiger than Kaa. There was good reason for this. Kaa was now almost 60 feet long and 2 feet thick at his widest, and all muscle. He could easily crush the life out of any victim he pleased, even the might Indian elephant that dwelled in the jungles. His camoflauge andMelody of Hypnosis in Science Fiction More Like This
Twilight's Best Friend: Part 2Part Two: The Sincerest Form of FlatteryTwilight's Best Friend: Part 2 in Short Stories More Like This
Much to Twilight's chagrin, Dewdrop Dazzle was not gone the next day. Nor the next. Not even the next. The new arrival had divided her time between constantly following Twilight about with a constant barrage of questions; and vanishing off into Ponyville without a word. Despite the peace and quiet, Twilight had found Dewdrop's absences to be even more worrying than when she was hanging about the house.
This was one such moment. Dewdrop had skipped out of the house at the earliest possible moment, not that Twilight had complained. However, the thought of what the strange blue pony could be up to had
Twilight's Best Friend: Part 3Part Three: Dewdrop Dazzle Must Die!Twilight's Best Friend: Part 3 in Short Stories More Like This
Twilight had woken early the next morning just as the sun was rising. She had managed to sneak out of the house without Dewdrop waking up, or so she had hoped. Ponyville looked beautiful as the sun reflected off the glistening water left from last night's storm, but Twilight had no time to appreciate it. She was on a mission.
Carefully making sure she wasn't followed, Twilight had trekked to the far outskirts of Ponyville, to a mountainous, treacherous region just outside of the Whitetail Woods known locally as the 'Rocky Mountains' despite technically being a collection of rocky hills. Ponies generally
Twilight's Best Friend: Part 4Part Four: Ponies Don't Fear The ReaperTwilight's Best Friend: Part 4 in Short Stories More Like This
Twilight sat at the bottom of that dark pit cradling Dewdrop's body for what seemed like an eternity, though it couldn't have been longer than a few seconds. She shook constantly, sobbing into Dewdrop's matted, dusty hair.
"You stupid, silly pony" she whispered hoarsely to Dewdrop as she held her in her hooves, though she wasn't sure if she'd aimed that at Dewdrop or herself. Her head was awash with angry, guilty thoughts, her stomach was a boiling maelstrom and she wanted to be sick.
"There's no such thing as 'evil'" Princess Luna had once told her. "No pony gets up one morning and decides that they
Twilight's Best Friend: Part 1Part One: Strangers in the NightTwilight's Best Friend: Part 1 in Short Stories More Like This
Twilight Sparkle buried her head in her book as she tried to concentrate, shutting out the crashing of the torrential rain and the wailing of the wind outside her house. Try as she might however, she couldn't shut out the wailing that was going on inside.
"But Twilight!" Spike moaned, tugging at her shoulder. "You said you'd read me a bedtime ghost story! That was an hour ago!"
Twilight rolled her eyes and slammed shut the archaeology textbook she'd been studying. "Fine Spike, fine!" she huffed, trotting over to the pesky dragon and opening the tattered book he had been clutching in his paws. "But if you ge
Dragon's Eye: PrologueDragon's Eye: Prologue in Fantasy More Like This
It was the summer of 1957, and the night was calm and warm. The storm clouds from earlier were now just a few harmless puffs on the horizon, but the air still held a faint scent of sweet rain. A light breeze danced through the woods just outside of town, rustling the leaves of the oaks and maples and birches. And within these woods were two travelers, seemingly following some unseen path through the growth.
Come on, its just a little bit farther, called the man in the lead. He had short, scruffy, sandy brown hair and wore large, squarish glasses over his big sky blue eyes. He picked his way through the thick underbrush
Dragon's Eye Ch 1: Meet RileyDragon's Eye Ch 1: Meet Riley in General Fiction More Like This
Year 2006 (49 years later)
There was a faint sound of crushing gravel as the little blue car pulled to a stop in the small parking lot. An aging man got out of the drivers side. He was extremely tall and well built for his age, and his hair was cut short and in varying shades of gray. A thick matching moustache adorned his slender, kindly face. Square glasses were perched on his nose. He reached back into the car, pulled out a simple mahogany cane, and with its help made his way over to the other side of the car.
He opened the passenger door and helped a young girl out of the car. This girl was fifteen years old, and skinny and s
Dragon's Eye Sneek PeekIt was 10 oclock at night at the Toddson residence. Crickets were chirping cheerfully in the warm summer air, quietly playing their soft, familiar tune. A cool night breeze occasionally blew past, ruffling the leaves on the trees for a moment before continuing on its way. A golden retriever sniffed about, looking for some small furry animal to harass. Inside the faded white farmhouse around which all this was happening, a sleepy Maddy Toddson was watching TV.Dragon's Eye Sneek Peek in Fantasy More Like This
While her eyes were glued to the screen, she absent-mindedly fingered the pendent around her neck. She felt the cold silver of the necklace rub across her fingertips; a stark
HT2011 - Psychosis: SnRFor a score of yearsHT2011 - Psychosis: SnR in Haiku & Eastern More Like This
Have I walked upon this Earth,
Now I am betrayed
By my most valued asset:
Turning against me,
Latching itself to dark thoughts,
Torturing my mind
With thoughts so unreal,
And yet almost convincing.
My suffering mind
Seeks the true reality,
Unsure of itself,
But I know what is,
And also know what is not.
Logic is my guide;
To it I shall cling,
Knowing that this world is real
In spite of myself.
One day dawn will come,
And I shall see truthful light,
And I shall be healed.
HT2011 - Psychosis: IatEWhat is real? Unreal?HT2011 - Psychosis: IatE in Haiku & Eastern More Like This
The program - the world - is fine.
I am the error.
I am just a bug,
A glitch in this great system,
That can be repaired.
But, oh, the despair
Of the dark interim time -
The panic attacks.
Logic - my ally,
My light to fend off the dark
But is it enough?
Strikes back in full force.
My mind's battlefield
Of pop culture and sci-fi
Has turned against me.
This dark, traitorous
Be left to take hold.
Logic will fight back,
And I will have victory.
I won't give in now.
This world is all real.
It's just a matter of time
Before I am healed.
I am the error
My Little Gladiator Chapter 8Chapter 8My Little Gladiator Chapter 8 in Introductions & Chapters More Like This
A drop of sweat. Descending quickly, unnoticed, as it quenches the thirst the dry ground held. The wet spot was soon joined by more and more of the sweat drops as the ponies circled one another, ready to engage in combat with wooden weapons.
There was an unspoken understanding among all the gladiators that the practice was beneficial to everypony; therefore it was okay to give it your all. Nopony was killed, of course, but it seemed to be no harm or foul if somepony received a large bruise or broken bone. The arena was noisy even with the empty stands as shield met weapon and hoof met pony. A large cloud cover was ov
My Little Gladiator Chapter 5Chapter fiveMy Little Gladiator Chapter 5 in Introductions & Chapters More Like This
The Last Battle
Stormy was lying awake. He had been for about twenty minutes. It was hard to tell the time; there was no light down in these rooms besides the torchlight
He huddled his hooves close to his chest. It wasn't that he was cold, just that he wanted to make sure they were real. The poor pegasus had experienced nightmares all night. He had barely any sleep, and he wanted to be sure he was awake.
He closed his eyes and tried not to think about Gallop and Tender and Goldd. He couldn't grow attached. He had lost enough, and he wasn't going to lose more. The pain as it was now was unbearable, and he wasn't
Pirates Chapter 1Eva listened quietly to her father's steady snoring, counting the seconds between the snorts to gauge how asleep he really was. It was her fifteenth birthday, and her father had gifted her by forgetting it completely. She slowly stood up and groped her way to her closet. Two days earlier, she had packed for her escape. She had been planning for this day since she turned seven. Her dreams of being a pirate and living on the high seas had grown more and more exciting and elaborate, and today, she was going to make that dream come true. She slowly crawled down the stairs and felt her way to the closet, past the kitchen. A stench of rotting foodPirates Chapter 1 in Introductions & Chapters More Like This
Pirates PrologueProloguePirates Prologue in Introductions & Chapters More Like This
Leaves burst into the air as a young girl bolted down the littered forest path. Her shoulder-length blonde hair whipped her face as she glanced behind her. She raced deeper and deeper into the woods as heavy footsteps followed behind her. Still, she ran faster. She needed to escape, get away. Faster. Just keep running. I can't go back. Tree branches snagged at her clothes like grabbing fingers and scratched her face, arms and legs.
She ignored the voice. To her, the voice meant betrayal, pain, and lies. Don't believe him. Don't trust him. It's his fault. His fault
She just kept running. Soon, the tree
Resistance, Chapter OneResistanceResistance, Chapter One in Introductions & Chapters More Like This
"See now the flowery way that leads to the broad gate and the great fire."
Chapter One: Twenty Years Later
Winter came early that year, bringing with it a piercing and frigid wind. The cold ate through anypony caught in its path, and even Daylight's thick wool sweater did little to hold back the chill.
In an effort to be as quiet as possible, she had used her magic to open the front door of her house before carefully stepping out into the darkness, and managed to shut it behind her with naught but a barely audible squeak. With any luck it would not disturb her Aunt, who was curled up in her bed with the deep sleep only elderly
Resistance, PrologueResistanceResistance, Prologue in Introductions & Chapters More Like This
"Simply the thing I am, shall make me live."
Prologue: Lost in the Fire
Thrumming rain and thrashing leaves overwhelmed the usual silence of the mid-afternoon air. The library was dark, much too dark for anypony to see properly. The tall, book-filled rooms were usually flooded with sunlight, which on most days would pour through the great tree house's numerous windows and spill onto the floor like an overturned barrel of Sweet Apple cider. Today, however, there was no sun to be spiltat least none that could be seen by the unicorn filly that crept through the shelves of the library in search of a family treasure. Apparently
Almost Human - Chapter 1: Prelude to MadnessI hope you enjoy the little gift I left behind. I'd love to see your face right now as you receive it. Your blood must be boiling over, your heart racing for the horror your eyes have witnessed, your mind flooding with adrenaline to come after me. All that drive and resolve drowning that constant stoic and brooding stare. Oh, how I'd love to be standing right in front of you to witness the reaction to my present. But alas, my attention is needed elsewhere. That idiot Harley Quinn of mine cannot function properly without my lead. But don't you fret my dear Dark Knight, by the time you finished reading this I'll be waiting for you. I will be waAlmost Human - Chapter 1: Prelude to Madness in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
Bron's perfect gift"I am an apprentice wizard, not a pack mule!!!" said Marcurio, angry, as his leader carelessly dropped just another embalming tool and two linen wraps in his bag – pretty much all that could be found in that desolated crypt, but why the hell did they need to take them all?!Bron's perfect gift in Short Stories More Like This
Bron had heard it so many times that, practically immune to the sentence, he walked out with a satisfied smile and stretched in the sunlight, of course not even waiting for his follower to drag his sack full of garbage – pardon me, precious loot – out before mounting his horse, ready to head back to Riften.
"Why are we… nngh… taking all this… wait for me!" Marcurio was