helium balloon lungsi. You write me notes scribbled on sandpaperhelium balloon lungs in Free Verse More Like This
and I run them across my face,
scraping away layers of saccharine skin,
ii. Your eyes, made of cookie crumbs,
I'd like to dip them in milk
and watch them melt,
smoking like dry ice,
iii. You churn my childish heart
in circles and in circles
till I slip into cardiac arrest,
iv. I just remembered that time you
wrapped your arms around me like vines
and held me until you couldn't,
v. Oh what I'd give for a pair of
fortune cookie lungs,
exhaling self-fulfilling prophecy,
vi. I've been fishing for horoscopes,
pasting them onto my bedroom walls
and on the backside of my skin,
hoping that they tell me that
today is the day you will be mine,
vii. But your soul is made up of sins
and I do believe in forgiveness,
but forgive me, for I cannot forget.
steamI'm sprouting crow feathers from my scapulassteam in Free Verse More Like This
while the air is much too thick to swallow,
my body melts into a pool of oil,
poisoning already noxious waters,
Then you find me in the ocean's center
and the water starts to boil
as we become the equator
and lose ourselves under the sun.
you are my careful ghosti. The air is thick and I'm drinking you in like sunlight through a silver straw,you are my careful ghost in Free Verse More Like This
I'm feeling like my spine has come unzipped and my crayola red innards have become exposed to the cool air,
you're like the slivers in my fingers that I can't pull out,
maybe I should try scraping off layers of skin with tweezers,
goodbye dead cells, hello fresh meat,
damn, why are you so fresh as fuck.
ii. A whirlpool has developed beneath my chest so there goes my sense of sanity,
actually it's more like boiling water, bubbling, spewing out passed my eyes,
and all I've been asking for is for you to either take me or let me go,
let's be honest, I could try to say I am over this whole thing
but I'm not and I don't even want to be.
iii. So let's forget the world,
get lost in each others skin,
tracing ribs like jail bars,
running hands over heartbeats,
brushing lips with lonely aches.
hey boy, I'm bleeding without youI guess you could say I've been infatuated with death,hey boy, I'm bleeding without you in Free Verse More Like This
but I'm even more consumed by you
in the deadliest way possible.
AmphibianI've got five fluorescent tree frogsAmphibian in Free Verse More Like This
bathing beneath the currents
of my basilisk blood,
they hop from
vein to vein
as though they were seashores,
within an hour
they release their own noxious waters
to clog my lungs with the colors of fire,
red, yellow, orange, and gold,
my skin cracks into crevices
until I look like volcanic rock,
the lava, the magma
seeps through my pores,
and spills onto the ocean floor,
then like snowy fingers against summer flesh,
hot and cold collide,
causing the snow to stick to the lips
like a fine powdered sugar
or a crushed, crushed vine,
my oh my,
what a delicate, little amphibian spine.
The CandlemakerHeat,The Candlemaker in Free Verse More Like This
the space between cold and ice,
sweat is raining down your telephone pole neck,
now it's even hotter, pushing 90,
the air is thick and begins to clog your lungs,
dragging September's fog through your trachea,
smoldering your larynx and taking control of your entire body,
burning down bones like candle wicks,
now you're a waxen pool on the bedroom floor,
but wait, tender hands start to take a hold of you,
molding you a new spine made of incense,
hips out of honey,
and a heart out of the horizon,
beating, burning slow,
you release a floral smoke,
drawn in, between the candlemaker's cigarette licked lips.
sometimes i imagine i'm a bird and it's all okayI'm staring through the kitchen window,sometimes i imagine i'm a bird and it's all okay in Free Verse More Like This
the moon looks like it might be a warm place to be,
soft glow, pale light,
sometimes I wonder if it would look better if you were standing next to me,
no, I'm pretty sure it wouldn't,
desperation doesn't make astronomy any prettier,
and it certainly doesn't do my self worth any justice,
but your eyes are like the milky way,
they take me away,
but distant turns to empty and emotionless until the sun has gone and caved in on itself,
it's golden hot beeswax melting in circles because star-hot sinking sand refuses to lets go,
now it's all oh, I've got this scorched tongue that soaks up sunrises when you're not here,
please forgive me for I can't control the fact that it's two minutes passed 1
or the fact that you've already been taken by some girl with tattooed thighs,
now I've got these backwards knees and disjointed thumbs,
it's too bad what you've done to me,
I mean the way your arms felt--
I do not need this,
I am a tortured spider
let your wildfire run freei. It's a warm kind of rain and a growling kind of thunder,let your wildfire run free in Free Verse More Like This
throaty and crackling booms,
I've dreamt of this place before,
there's this room made up of tall glass windows,
outside is a wrap around balcony made up of stone with high ledges,
small fir trees grow in between the crackled rock
and I'm breathing slow, soaking in the sky's sweat.
ii. Perspiring and porous clouds melt over this broken land
and I'm realizing this place lives only inside my soul when sleeping.
iii. It is a hazy painting running over the contours of my unconscious mind,
it is airbrushed afterthoughts swirling with watercolor wishes,
it is the place where my nightmares breed and my hopes climb trees,
it is the place where intuition ricochets off instinct,
it is the place that says burn the place down and let your wildfire run free.
Saltit's one of thoseSalt in Free Verse More Like This
goldfish bowl empty afternoons,
gills grasping for water,
spilling over my aquatic limbs,
so thin boned and cold-blooded,
swordfish lips so sworn to
i cannot see a way out of drowning
in all of this
my fins lie still
as does my two-chambered heart,
you never actually did need any bate,
i hooked myself,
then released my own salty ghost,
you only just laid me out to dry,
gutted and seizing.
cobblestones.cobblestones in Free Verse More Like This
i pulled a napkin from the silver tin,
wiped the table clear, drops of ketchup staining the center.
i crushed the paper in my palm, felt the dampness reach the edges.
hurt cloud, she said as i let it roll across the table.
shooting baskets as the day ended,
the ball went over the backboard, disappeared into the dark.
she shrugged, then bent low, picked up pebbles.
your poor hands, she said. you have so many scars,
and you're still so young. (she, younger than i, saying this)
she touched one hand, then after a pause she took the other
without looking at me.
some things take so much courage.
we sat like that for a long time,
i passed two old women by the river.
one stopped, pulled off her shoe
and shook a pebble out.
it dropped into the water
and she continued on,
from the absence dented into her foot.
the other had stopped a ways ahead.
she waited and said, a pebble?
the woman nodded. her whole life
Two fragments1.Two fragments in Free Verse More Like This
Does blood ever reach my neurons?
or is it all just purple flashes
and the fourth grade?
What I meant when I said,
"My flowers are all passed out
is that life is like language,
and everything I say
is drowned out
because my favorite place
is where the water
hits the rocks.
Rigamarole and deaf old man as the world.Everyone in rangeRigamarole and deaf old man as the world. in Free Verse More Like This
of my singing when I was young,
those who saw me
stooping to touch the pavement
as if it were possibly running
the tilt of the earth
makes all my flowers
As a boy,
sat in his backyard,
and making delicate piles
that he would usher black ants into,
then set on fire
with a kitchen match.
would make me
on the back of my hands
Green and red
harbor the low roofs,
brush the chimneys
as if they were me.
I think about wars
as pouts of fire
around the compass
that we can agree on.
to distend the molecule.
for a dry
portion of land.
all that dances,
the bone i broke,
the missing hatchlings
from the nest outside
The trees are as wordless
as the inside of a kiln
asbeneath a treeas in Free Verse More Like This
in its dapples
pulling soft bruises of fruit
out of the grass
piling them then
letting them topple
the shadows of leaves
turned her from gold to blue
from cinnamon to sock white
from olive oil to egg yolk.
she couldn't help but
see the world
as light falling
on all she could never reach.
she came in
after it got dark.
she sat there
until the light failed.
gardens all the timei. tonightgardens all the time in Free Verse More Like This
the stars make either
oddly shaped animals
stretching out in the zoo-dark
over the water
or they form
with misaligned brains
too far above the fields
to have ever
ii. gardens all the time
I spend too much of my life
not lighting candles
but I light this
watching its calm
into a room
while the sap
in the trees
rising and falling
no blood cells
just wood sounds
as the branches drum
too many things are beautifuli breathetoo many things are beautiful in Free Verse More Like This
into the leaves
of the houseplant.
and a few
has touched my
in the plastics factory,
an endless hum
that only the heat
off the dirt
of my garden
of an emptied can,
of a cup
i drank water
a song reaches climax.
glancing at strangers,
the subway carrying you
i sit on the nearest bench,
wanting badly to weep,
all my crumpled napkins
the curbs of my city,
in the cemetery--
the world sometimes
with my binoculars
i narrow the field
to a sparrow,
a broken pine,
a splash of wave.
my phone is ringing.
church-bells clamor too near, keep the words
"hello, i love you,
whoever you are."
my empty brown shoes
ask all my questions.
the farthest corner
of the given room
acts as guru.
i throw my voice,
formif absolutes result in cancellation,form in Free Verse More Like This
it is their absence.
if the mathematics of odds truly never end,
it is the presence and the proof of the possible.
it is the magnetism between parts.
it is the absence between cause and effect.
where a collision is the impossibility of objects occupying
the same space,
it is that space's silence.
eternalused to have it so thateternal in Free Verse More Like This
the only music i liked
was the dvd menu loops
on movies that had ended
while i slept.
cadavershe was born with arctic lipscadaver in Free Verse More Like This
and overcast skin.
her hair fell like fresh snow
and she was far too thin.
her bones in locked closets,
joints creaked and shrieked
like a rotten floorboard
under gossamer feet.
polarisshe was the kind of girl that filled herpolaris in Short Stories More Like This
chest cavity with stars and her mind with names,
never one to forget her friends of the sky.
she doodled comets and planets in the margins of her papers
where hearts with arrows and initials should have been.
rockets boosted her dreams into the sky, and
she insisted the martians take teeth from under her pillow, not fairies.
she hoarded her chuck e cheese tickets,
even went as far as to dig them out of couch cushions
in order to fill her night sky with glow-in-the-dark stars
so her friends would never leave her even when
mommy and daddy forgot to tuck her in.
sleepless nights were spent at the window with
her battered old astronomy book, teaching
herself to read with polaris and sigma octantis.
by high school, she was as distant as her life-long friends,
already burnt out, just leaving after-images in the sky.
stardust floated out of her ears,
and dark matter clouded her eyes.
nebulous thoughts wafted from her mouth,
catching on the breeze and s
don't you stop 'til you know you're gonethe bone-flutes are flooding out my lucidity.don't you stop 'til you know you're gone in Free Verse More Like This
nothing makes sense, but everything belongs.
the sheets are oily and hot on my skin.
exhausted, i try to escape,
only to drop out of reality and through the floors.
you know when it's time to go onshe died a long time ago.you know when it's time to go on in Short Stories More Like This
her faceless figure turned
and gave you an invisible smile,
then pulled down her hood and
let the rain smear her image away.
it was quick and she probably didn't feel it.
you stood, dumbfounded at the corner
as her cab pulled away from the curb
and into the oncoming traffic.
she died today.
but it feels like she's been gone for so much longer.
before i'm thirtybefore i'm thirty,before i'm thirty in Free Verse More Like This
i want to take off the veil
and see the stars,
living and non-living alike.
before i'm thirty,
i want to publish a book of
emotions and bottlecaps
with a few postcards thrown in.
before i'm thirty,
i want to be living where
the trees caress the sky
and the heavens dance
before going to bed.
trancei have a best friend who never leaves my side.trance in Free Verse More Like This
he is thought.
when i turn off my brain to power my heart,
he swirls in my head and taps on my eyeballs,
begging me to tell him a bedtime story.
i have a best friend who will never be forgotten.
she is worry.
she climbs into my chest
and uses my ribcage as monkey-bars
and my lungs as waterballons.
twisting and turning,
and laughing and jumping.
i can't breathe.
i have a best friend who waits for me,
who will never give up or give in.
he holds me at night in the cold
and points out the dying stars of ursa major.
he is oblivion.
baby, we're going downI.baby, we're going down in Free Verse More Like This
your eyes grasp my heart, waiting for me to pull away,
to laugh, to say i didn't mean it.
your eyes plead to admit i'm lying.
but i'm not.
you're wanted and needed.
you're welcome here.
we're two lost souls,
holding on to the only thing we have left.
our sanity. and even that is slipping away.
so let's talk away the darkness, kid.
and let's forget the ache for one more night.
you're my only companion for when the nights get long,
so let's shrug it off.
it never happened.
all this is gone.
i wished you'd rely on me.
and apparently my wish is your command.
the quicksand used to drag you under,
forcing guilt down your throat
and ripping out arteries.
it kept you under until your lungs burst
and colored the dirt red.
a lonely wave latched onto my ankle
when i was a just a little girl.
it pulled me up into itself.
first a gentle embrace,
then a brutal violation.
the salt stripped away my innocence,
scraping out my insides from every crack
and crevice in my
autopsyher spine was cracked down the middle,autopsy in Free Verse More Like This
her skin unraveled at the seams.
bloated lungs and an emaciated heart filled her no longer moving chest.
her eyes were still open
and her hands stretching for the last thing she ever saw,
though she'd never reached it.
no one knew the exact cause of death,
except the shadow of a boy who avoided her funeral
like it was a plague.
like she was the plague.
exordiumwhen you left for the very last time,exordium in Free Verse More Like This
the bruises on my neck still hadn't faded.
i was naked amongst the evergreens,
shades of blues and greens pushing against my skin,
the sky paling me with the gray-teal of sunset's afterglow.
as you forced yourself upon me,
you insisted on reasons that made no sense,
yet the echoes of your words resonated through my mind,
so loud that i couldn't hear reason.
later people said that it was my body.
"it got the better of him," they said.
i am shutting down,
only a fragment of my old self.
i can feel my body becoming dormant, for now.
the bird in my chest is long gone,
you killed it.
overstimulatedright now my body is telling me to runoverstimulated in Free Verse More Like This
but my mind is telling me to hide,
crawl into the closet and block out the light
until i'm sane again.
never in sync
i'm buzzing and fizzing
rolling and falling
and running and tripping
my mind is cl-cl-clicking
synapses in cobwebs,
bumblebees just below the skin,
like jumping into ice water during a hurricane
the unheard whispers rip at my hair
and scream into my cerebrum
my body is trying to catch up with my mind
on and on we go
a mile a minute,
stuck on a treadmill
purgeheaving up a universepurge in Free Verse More Like This
is nothing on my stomach,
yet my scared molested heart
jumps out of the way.
the purge, a dark scent
weeping over the pointlessness
the ache and sorrow
the filling and emptying
of a creature so profoundly
ich liebe dichdaylight wakes me up and i turn into the green moth on the windshield.ich liebe dich in Letters More Like This
a few months ago i would have died to be someone with the same kind of pulse
as you. i wanted to know what it felt like to breathe your same
air and listen to the fabrication of your words, your lies like lists of things
you wanted me to hear, essays crafted to the palaces of my mind.
you knew what i wanted because you know the architecture of so many women—
not seeing my poisonous nature, the blisteringly sweet aftertaste that crumples
you into me again, again, again, each hit better than the last. together
we chase the dragon, needing more and more of each other
to understand what it means to be alone.
being alone is different than screaming into the pillows as sunlight peers through
the blinds, a curious onlooker. i never remembered falling asleep but i always remember
how strange the light looked, and my nightmares before i woke up being crushed
beneath your arm. my neck was sore from being jammed into the
intimacy and controljanuary cannot exist withoutintimacy and control in Letters More Like This
getting lost at least once on
a long dark cold road and
realising you are the only way
then one night you are
cornered in your cerulean
nightmare landscape and you
realise you are trapped by
the labyrinthe of your mind yet
you are always one step
ahead of it all, my darling,
and one day this will all catch
up to you. one day you will be
spitting blood in the kitchen sink
and wondering when it got this bad
one day you will not be able
to get out of bed. depression
is such a vague and soft illness,
because she seems to take you
so slowly and compassionately
at first that
you start wondering if she
just belongs with you
and is the only one who
ever truly loves you
visei return to my room enshrouded in smoke.vise in Letters More Like This
i settle in bed, our black bedspread scattered
with bits of leaves and the hollow where we
laid together after you came and i stayed beneath
your body, quivering. my submission
your clarification, our secret existence
as intricate and hopeless as any palace made of ice
could be. we are floral and delicate together, lilies
growing in an unlikely place. you are no longer silken,
but bruised and freckled, real, mortal, trembling
in the slightest breeze. i love us this way. you are
not idealised, neither am i, anymore. we brush together
like we are touching
for the first time, our history
unfolding in our mouths.
i want to vomit your name up in light swirls
and buttery taste with the convoluted mirror images
of your mouth. no lover can talk me into the fathomless
world of reality. i can’t exist in the length of time
needed to love you entirely. we are skipping scenes
in our twisted romance, your hands moving
too quickly to
of my fea
never look over your shoulderthere's always a snake in the garden,never look over your shoulder in Letters More Like This
the soft billowing crevices deep within
my body giving up molecules and pink
love-lines in a silky froth. i wonder viciously
about the tiny preoccupations of my body, how
it handled being subject to the absence of nourishment
and the entirety of your ardour
madness pools at our feet, angel boy,
dragons slipping in the dust, long wiry
insects of stray thought dappling the walls.
what looks like chaos to us looks like an oasis
of our nightmares, where our madness
comes to rest in the mornings like all the
i spin into the soft reach of pills
with the knowledge and love of
my scarred witch body the only
things i could give to you. we
were the only ones alive,
i leave in a hush, a silence
taking wing under our souls,
the thin wire connecting us soil to loins
vibrating and breaking with a violent
massacre of sound
could have mentioned youbeing without you is ugly.could have mentioned you in Letters More Like This
my flesh turns the colour
of a moth catching fire, its
eyes white in the smoke.
i lose my breath slowly,
coughing up the excess.
the ocean's tides pulse
beneath, some monster
lurking behind my eyes.
you say i'm being weird
and i think, "i know." i started
crying when i thought i heard
you in the doorway. it was after
i'd found my suicide note and
watching myself die again
gave me more time to mourn.
i put lipstick on and started
crawling between the sheets
at six in the morning. i think
you knew i was happy just
because i was with you.
i think you know what you are.
sometimes people ask what he
did. sometimes people just know.
i carry myself that way. something's
terrible, something's wonderful. if i
weren't so lost, i wouldn't have stumbled
upon another wanderer like you. my magic
tucked up under us, we fucked constantly.
hit me and tell me i'm yours, that's so
beautiful. i don't know why but i like it.
you close your eyes and i stop breathing.
you open them
purity visemaybe one day i'll wake up and stuff my wasted skeletonpurity vise in Letters More Like This
into a bag, then throw it out to sea. his silent urgency will,
even then, softly echo on the waves. such eternal motion, such
sweet memory. and, i think...
i'll eat for you. spit on your blackened intent
with longing licks of an alabaster cold tongue
and so no one touches me, i'll write on my arms
with flowers, white lilies spreading
and webbing my wrists and thighs...
die seelemicroscopic detonationsdie seele in Letters More Like This
a chromatic lisp in the air, i think
i tried so hard to be something else
that i stopped knowing what
being myself was like, what
having a body was like.
sex is a complication
no an instrument, no a
creation, no some sort of
a living source and my own
heartless dead body-thrifting self
as some quiet soul
empties themself into me
with their eyes open, watching me
as i devour them whole and let
their bodies understand me.
strangers are more
knowing than the ones
i have always loved, lived
and when i am alone i stand
hopelessly unaware of the
consequences of my actions,
dripping in the seamless wake
of yet another man's oceanic
hopes for what we are, aren't,
shall hope for and never be.
i'm a flower blooming
in the water, my mouth skimming
the waves as they try
so hard to engulf me and
i allow them to swallow me
centimetre by centimetre
xiithe teeth in my neck are like a bunch of seeds being planted,xii in Letters More Like This
waiting to bloom speckled purple and brown bruises later.
sundays i sit in the window, smoking and
writing poetry beneath the gardenias with
yellow light pouring out from behind me
to illuminate the grass, the tree roots.
later, my small claws turn you into shreds of
butterfly wings, little stained-glass edges of scratches
embossed all on your winged back. you kiss my collar.
i imagine you replacing me with a bottle of something strong
and a few stray pills. you'd find a way out and sit alone, somewhere
with a pile of books that have my fingerprints, and your back still stinging
as your throat burns and your heart trembles in your chest.
i wouldn't be with you anymore. but i imagine i'd still feel you.
i don't think you'd keep photographs of me. you might
keep my poems, little scribbles of thoughts on paper.
i imagine i wouldn't keep my poems. i don't know if i could.
mondays i lay down with you. there's nightmares to be had
and it might be heardi have been wondering whatand it might be heard in Free Verse More Like This
makes us so lucky
i feel good to have someone
who makes me feel so alive
in every way--
but maybe you feel lucky too
though you would pick another word
that i cannot think of now
it feels like the tables have turned
and dinner hasn't even gotten cold,
the way i was never exactly
poised for greatness but suddenly
am saved from the graceful boredom
of heaven and death and all of its
advocates. there is no home for me
amongst riddles and eyeless ghosts.
here i spend my nights flying
beneath your white wings,
letting you feed on the
tar that sits in my ugly soul
while i get drunk and high and
sleep in the warm glow
of your skin, lantern soft.
the word i should
use here is, "devoured."
pretend you don't know me,
your princess in the sky drinking
herself half awake with tears in
her eyes. wet eyes, she pretends
none of it matters.
you make me dizzy with bliss,
whispering supplication. something
cold is breathing in on my windows,
and it's so close that sometimes
how to pay the plumberthe sun is born of ink that leaks from dog-eared galaxieshow to pay the plumber in Free Verse More Like This
and the night is made of copper eyes that pipe the constellations
but we are too polite to stare.
any hand that may brush my back must bleed the alphabet
from wearied fingertips, and this is why:
happiness is ice and crinkled bones all wrapped up warm in the
childless rings of saturn
and your smiling face-of-a-cliff that scorches pretty spring skin dry.
we will never say we will never love so
i will die beside,
you die below.
a snap of bellsa.a snap of bells in Free Verse More Like This
i have never brushed the soft skin of Genesis
i have not.
but i know that wild horses roam the space
between extremities, that is why i sleep with eyes
closed, so i am not without
oh, i am not within.
does summer wonder the touch of frost,
does it feel the flake of blossoms as springtime peels away
or do my eyes deceive
do you think its smile is as soft as its skies
she does not step she does not see
i do not taste
the silver synapse clapsed between our vertebrae
but darling i feel it itch
can you see me now can you
tell i am under
don't stumble away without me i do not know what
i will do.
i am cinnamon in a windstorm or
amber ash in the glass of patriots
some say you are gone too soon, i s
daedalusi. we are like birds,daedalus in Free Verse More Like This
birds without the wings
but with the song.
(icarus did not want for wings)
We did not want for chains we did not
want to flee
(he did not want to fall
I am without fear, and you are without blood,
and we could never hope to scratch the sun,
but perhaps we might endeaver to suspend it.
it's the hollow beat of bones on drums
it's a steady throb of pins on thumbs
it's a simple truth that
nobody wants to fly
ii. but they do.
unzippedi.unzipped in Free Verse More Like This
it was all skinned knees
and stop signs between us.
we pushed too hard
or not hard enough.
the last star i wished upon
turned out to be a satellite,
and the last time i kissed you
really wasn't the last time.
the scent of romance- pine needles
and sawdust clung to my shoulders
where your fingers left goose flesh
when i least expected it.
i'd be tangled up in you and bed sheets
if i didn't know you better than that,
[sweetheart,] you're thunderstorms on
Saturday nights and "Why don't you stay
for awhile"'s and the infidelities
that line my cheeks.
memories make people.i am six. "are you okay?"memories make people. in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
i nod at the police officer,
as another escorts my dad out the door.
i am eight. the day's mail
sits on the dining room table. mom's
arguing. the person on the other end shares my last name.
i am a little past three
mom says it's alright for you
to call him dad, do i do.
i am thirteen when someone asks
why don't you call him dad?
"he wasn't there, someone else was." i tell them.
i am ten when mom
tells dad not to come back.
this time, i don't ask her to let him.
i am eleven when i go visit grandparents i never knew.
"she looks just like you"
"she's my daughter"
i am five and it's christmas day.
"she won't get hurt, relax." dad's drunk.
i crashed that three-wheeler into the clothesline.
i am seven, sitting at a lunch table by myself. mom's late
to pick me up from ballet. it's dark when she gets there.
she smiles, but i can see the bruises forming.
i am four when i first see
my dad raise his hand
and the mark he left on my mother.
i am fourteen when i stop visit
trick [me]bruised blue eyes and snow skintrick [me] in Free Verse More Like This
storm winds blowing over (and over and over)
roses blooming redredred
unhindered by rain
"Just give me a moment, sweetheart"
the tear of soft skin marking a deadline-
i can't write sestinas, and i swear to god if you call me sweetheart
i'll melt, and not the stone cold melting into feeling sort of way, but
metal into red hot liquid that will take away everything, layer by layer
without so much as flinching (but don't worry, you'll flinch. i'll make sure
of that, and so much more.) trick me, i dare you to show me something
i'll never be able to name, never seen before. nineteen minutes and
counting (one, two, six, twelve), and i'm already a bottle down
(the drain) tonight, it's a hard burden, to love you--
love's such a strong word, though, and i've never really cared
for (you) it. but where was i, something about melting-
smothering everything in reach, petty problems that are
the norm for no one but me. funny how that seems to apply
to a lot more
04.10chapter one:04.10 in Free Verse More Like This
leave the boy and
don't look back
"but you do, sweetheart."
(there's no room for
second guesses here.)
spanish music and rough russian accents
those fruity pink drinks were the death
of chapter two, the green ones will do for the night
"he didn't trust me-"
(among other things)
"-so i took away his need to."
april eighteenth"are you sure?"april eighteenth in Free Verse More Like This
no, i really am not,
but let's do it anyway.
(dead girls don't sing,
and i will never be one
no matter how hard you
try to make me.)
i want to write about hookers
write about serial killers
write about lighthouses and
all i end up with is
metaphors and similes
and shitty poetry
that traces back to
reminds me of someone
i wish i
the way i sometimes feel
but you get a d d i c t e d to this,
a certain kind of going in circles day
finalityreincarnation [of] [a] fling,finality in Free Verse More Like This
he said he would paint a world-
a big, neon, flashing sign that says
[that] [it's] lines in the sand,
waking, wishing, waiting
swollen dents, fireflies pray
[it's] why stars don't sleep
for this sinking heart
(but i thought it got better)
xanthippeI. rainy days, shaking foundations ofxanthippe in Free Verse More Like This
human anatomy & deconstructing
the many paths to illusion written in bone
& muscle, sheer cold making both (of us)
quake -ache for sunlight, warm(er)
days & warm(ing) smiles.
there was a rush of thought, a rush of
heat lining my cheeks at your smile, something
like a proposition rolled from your touch &
fell from your lips & we caught fire. (again)
& just for a moment nothing had changed
(but everything does) & i have to remember
to breathe because oxygen is important & i
have a bad habit of forgetting small facts like that
& how (un)well we seem to get along &
damn you, this is all your fault.
II. through the clouds, i discovered India,
trying to erase the taste of copper pennies
from her lips and her memories; wild berries
crushed on pale fingertips ghosting over
untouchable wisps, capturing everything
better forgotten and dotting the horizon.
i take the window seat in silence,
watching colors fade from my grasp
& darkness mingles with exhaust(i
felicity as it flutters byi. The beautiful discovery of the beginnings of a butterflyfelicity as it flutters by in Short Stories More Like This
Ella Mae is known or bullied rather, at her high school as 'Churchy'. This of course is brought about by her fairly devout Christian mannerisms and upbringing. Ella Mae is her church's choir lead and is a powerhouse vocalist in shy hiding. Her folks did her good naming her after the legendary town local, The First Lady of Song.
The day I knelt while in rejoice over seeing angels at the sound of Ella Mae's voice, was the very same one I knew I had fallen irreparably in love with her. It was that day that I had realized that Ella Mae would bring the end of me, Christopher Lee.
I started following Ella Mae around everywhere, and with my constant and relentless pursuit, she finally allowed me to become her boyfriend.
One Saturday night, after months of building trust with Ella Mae's folks, we were allowed to go out for dinner and a dance. That night was the first time I spotted, by accident, a few butterflies by her side. Ella Mae
AA 29wishes are like raindrops,AA 29 in Free Verse More Like This
they have absolutely horrible aim
most days and i wonder if
we're just made of glass
and the rain can't see us
until they smack us in the face.
the broken patterns in my head
are never what they seem,
you were never really poetic,
love was just love and
a cigar is just a cigar
and the next time we fight,
because we always do,
you may leave my heart out of things,
but that doesn't really matter to you.
i could never snap my fingers,
or make poetry look like anything less
than a pile of blender rejected pieces.
you remind me of someone beautiful,
and conversations i used to have with a girl
named allison, she said that love is an understatement,
and just because you can hate everything
doesn't mean you should
now her words echo in my head sometimes,
and all i end up with is hate-love relationships-
you always loved metaphors like that, right?
AA twelvehow to be happy:AA twelve in Free Verse More Like This
write about hookers, redefine
words you thought you knew
the meaning of
an impossiblity, intangable
and imaginary, i
write too much
about people who are[n't] important
this started out [we started out]
as a poem about hookers.
biopsyput me under, cover my face, stuff my lungs with your chemical lies.biopsy in Free Verse More Like This
if they were to take me apart,
slice open my chest,
peel back the skin keeping me whole,
they would find:
a. one heart, slowly ticking.
(they would not find anything,
but they would have to say they did.
after all, girls can't live without a heart.
they forget that i'm not the first:
a score of girls walking even though
they should have faded long ago.)
b. each rib curved so perfectly,
a shield around my lungs.
(a cage, keeping my breath from bursting
out of my skin. know that this is just me,
held together by nature,
unable to lose control of myself.)
c. two sacs of cells, nestled beside each other.
(no first-hand smoke here, no sir.
only second-hand dust, only
things i could not get rid of,
only bits of places i've been,
caught in my body.
postcards of memories i can't see.)
d. a skeleton, still and alive.
(sleeping, with blood cells being produced
in the hollows of my curves.
the rattling of my bones cannot
kiss and tellthree.kiss and tell in Free Verse More Like This
you were always alone
i always wanted to save you
from the demons of the night
she had stars in her eyes
but never any sense in her mind
i was her voice of reason
but she always made the same mistakes
i would watch as you
sank deeper in and i wished
that i could fish you out
her hands were tied
by absolutely nothing
and her heart seized by love
but she never understood how to control it
baby girl, please don't leave
let me protect you until forever
i don't want you to die
nothing could make her realize
that she already had all her angels
but she just did not know how to see
baby girl remember,
never, ever kiss and tell
losing heighti want to tell you my stories,losing height in Free Verse More Like This
because i have nothing else to offer.
from moment one
she spread her wings
knowing that the ground
would never touch her
as long as she lived
she didn't understand
that she could not live
without a heart
she didn't understand
that the sky had no hold
but the ground would chain her
she didn't understand
that life was not that easy
unprotectedshe wants them all to justunprotected in Free Verse More Like This
L E A V E H E R A L O N E .
she wants him
to to love her
( because who else would ? )
she wants the other boy
to go away
( because he cares too much )
because she doesn't want
him to know her inside and out
she doesn't want anyone
getting close to her
no one needs to know that much
inspirationbecause sometimes, i think we all need this reminder.inspiration in Personal More Like This
"the nutritionist said I should eat root vegetables.
said if I could get down thirteen turnips a day
I would be grounded, rooted.
said my head would not keep flying away
to where the darkness lives.
the psychic told me my heart carries too much weight.
said for twenty dollars she'd tell me what to do.
I handed her the twenty. she said, "stop worrying, darling.
you will find a good man soon."
the first psycho therapist told me to spend
three hours each day sitting in a dark closet
with my eyes closed and ears plugged.
I tried it once but couldn't stop thinking
about how gay it was to be sitting in the closet.
the yogi told me to stretch everything but the truth.
said to focus on the out breath. said everyone finds happiness
when they care more about what they give
than what they get.
the pharmacist said, "klonopin, lamictil, lithium, xanax."
the doctor said an anti-psychotic might help me
forget what the trauma said.
meltingshe spilled across her bed,melting in Free Verse More Like This
an oil-spill of excuses why.
they promised they would mop her up,
but how could she possibly believe them
when none of them could see the
oil that dripped out of her?
they were all blind to
the stain eating her up,
polluting her insides.
the pain, the ache,
the never ending cycle of
pretending she was okay.
if only to prevent a national
satellite boyyou always told me,satellite boy in Free Verse More Like This
to never be like you.
to not be faithless, blameless,
you told me,
you had a satellite boy,
who guided your way home.
you told me,
he fell from the heavens.
you always told me,
you were just trying to find
someone whose heart wasn't beating,
because that way, they would never
once, you made me promise,
to never swear on my own grave,
for a friend going insane.
stars diethe words you toss at me make me want to sew my ears shut with my own guts.stars die in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
from the very beginning you made me feel as if i was special. as if i had a light and a talent that would turn me into a star.
( but you never told me that stars are dead by the time we see them )
now how special i am is only a curse, because now i cannot slip up. now, i have to try harder.
if only i could have kept the ability to learn without effort, then i would be able to play this charade with you, without feeling like i am fumbling through the steps, without feeling like i'm doing everything wrong.
then maybe i wouldn't want to scream out my wrath, then maybe i wouldn't want to reach for sharp edges.
i cannot love youi cannot date you boyi cannot love you in Free Verse More Like This
because i know not
what it is like to have a
the world in which i could
maybe possibly love you
i know nothing of
it would mean that he
never broke my heart
and that i knew how to
love without fearing
and to trust those
i call my friends
it would be a world
in which my eyes were stars
and my words candy
and i would not
be always afraid of
f a l l i n g
watch mewatch this ;watch me in Free Verse More Like This
one two three four
i am knocking on your door.
five six seven eight
i am the girl that you hate.
she's always there [no matter
where i go] -
inside mirrors, outside doors [in
my mind, in my bones, in my
she tells me that my skeleton is
made of steel [because that is
stronger than wrought iron],
and that i have to stand up
straight, even know this
misery is crushing me [and
she knows exactly how to stop it,
but i have to bear it-
because i have bones so stainless, a
heart so cold, lungs so empty and devoid.]
no matter how far i run
[she is always there inside my mind]
no matter where i try to hide
[she is always ready to find me]
she [i] am the reason you check [look]
under your beds for monsters [demons].
i told myself that ghosts were just angels
without the pomp and ceremony and fanfare.
i told myself that nothing could harm me
as long as i was asleep. i told myself so much
and yet here i am, hurt wounded vulnerable.
and i have to wonder,
was it worth it?
MusingI'm too young to spend my lifeMusing in Free Verse More Like This
running from the thunder,
staring at the kitchen walls wondering
how life would be different
if they weren't the same color.
Girl, Reincarnated.Perhaps in a past life you were made of ink,Girl, Reincarnated. in Free Verse More Like This
your eyes speckled like blotting paper,
complexion smooth as parchment.
And maybe your voice was storm cloud rolling
because I see your words
and they fill my heart with rain,
not the heavy kind that revels
in punching holes in butterfly wings but rather
the mist that paints the dew and
leaves the sky beautifully grey.
At the very least your soul was a mourning dove,
as there's a lilting sorrow in your words
that the air carries like a melody,
were I to speak them aloud
I would sing, hoping that my voice wouldn't shake
with your weeping.
rock bottom, ocean floorhalf-past a different kind of brokenrock bottom, ocean floor in Free Verse More Like This
on sadness, she wrote:
blind fool in the umbra
bury yourself in me
on the other side of lonely
and by god, i love you
(maybe i will be a landfill)
everyone i meet looks for a place to stay;
out of the woods, on wet roads
under wind, under rain
-i'm so far away
no wonder it took him 1455 pages
waiting for her to come this way
tramps like us-
in lieu of emptiness
in absence of a poem
(pour a little salt, we were never here)
your heart was a broken sailor
fishing for hearts with lace and not netting;
into the deep end of our story
i saw god leaving the shore
time travel (continued)time travel (continued) in Free Verse More Like This
time heals, remember?
burying despair: death.
grandfather time, immortal?
on loving counterclockwise.
regardless of where and which roads (write)i. so today we get togetherregardless of where and which roads (write) in Free Verse More Like This
as per your request
today you (at last) confess to me
i watch you narrate
the e.e. cummings you've
kept chained in your rhythm,
in your beats and paces and all other nooks
and hidden places
i've secretly always known existed
i want you to start writing today
ii. you tell me you believe
in your ability
to write the words i always knew you whispered;
steaming at the hearts of other girls
turning them to froth
while i watch my own heart
shrivel like dregs
in the same cup of cappuccino
i've always been drinking off drought
iii. i am screaming even in my softest tissues
blaming my body for my hearts' issues
admit to me
(your best blue jeans and bravery set forth)
read me unspoken
find it futile to resist (dear me)
by grace you do and you do
admit to me
my meth, my myth
how (i never have the courage to say)
i am your greatest muse
Urban Evisceration there is a thundering of one hundred buffalos-Urban Evisceration in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
the metro awakens
and stampedes across the pre-cast
terrains of my intestines
welders busy mending on one end
cutting on the other
surgeon handed precision and each moment costing another man's life
whether or not he may set food on his table
SepiaSepiaSepia in Free Verse More Like This
The hue of my favorite photo of us that I keep by my nightstand
The dominant shade in your irises & beauty mark at the lower left corner of your mouth
The ink tone I've used to fill countless pages with poetry about you, about us
The echo of every hello and goodbye that resonates within the walls of my heart
The cacophony in my gut wrecking my towering pride, in exchange for your builder's arms, every time
The timbre of your voice promising to be the first and last thing I'll be hearing til my heart stops beating
The bittersweet cocoa kisses and tangy citrus grins that only the two of us will remember
The blandness of my tears on your petal tongue as you reach mine, planting my feet firmly on your good earth
The savory taste of our palms and our navels whenever the warmth of our beings meet
The downy feel of your old corduroy pants that you wore on our fourth date and first kiss
The smoothness of the milk and molasses blending in our morning coffees and afternoon teas
Confession BoothI have a confession to make:Confession Booth in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
I have a not-so-secret admirer.
Every two or three days, somebody makes sure to send me the sweetest text messages from different numbers, yet somehow, I am certain that they're all written by that same somebody. I mean, sentence structure, grammar, and punctuation patterns can't be that difficult for a linguistics major to decipher, now can they?
All the while he, he casually greets me every morning by the bus stop as we head out to our respective businesses; one could never have guessed that he is the culprit who never fails to discover on a daily basis the status my health and general affairs. Although he rarely ever makes the effort to sit next to me on the bus, my peripheral vision pleases me with what I see- his attention fully devoted to me.
Every other Sunday morning, someone always surprises me with little bundles of forget-me-nots or gardenias, carefully gold, purple, and turquoise ribbon-wrapped. Someone always places this tiny, treasured token
eventually.i remember to use my voice only when i need it least.eventually. in Free Verse More Like This
stuttering, stammering, i am the suicidal yet soul bearing spitting out of syllables;
sputum and spokes of cilia heavily coat every word being uttered by a mouth- yours.
A gaping hole i have often found myself lost and found in,
time and time again.
the laundry my sick, cyclical psyche impedes upon itself;
bleach self-medication must be provided accordingly.
we want so hard to believe there had never, ever, been stains;
we live placebo li(v)es.
i am residue of a bubbling cauldron morphed into an epic (yes, heroic in deed and love),
i spill over; fire fazed, i finally face the cooling rigor mortis
ah! such affinity can be found in the word 'cooling',
it is what makes the rigor mortis palatable mind you.
as such is the earth's crust forevermore in need of cooling,
also is the heated passion of entwined souls and their capsules.
we become but a splatter of secret sauce- sweet, sour, spicy,
Serendipity and SnowfallI am la vie en rose,Serendipity and Snowfall in Free Verse More Like This
a newborn with as many mini bones in my body as possibilities.
I am potential waiting to be tapped into.
I am a spectrum of light,
serenity in the symmetry of a snowflake.
I come veiled in lace from everlasting love's womb with my budding,
goose-flesh tucked tenderly underneath.
I spread my spirit wide,
outstretching my feather-tips &,
supplicated by twizzles,
I catch my ballerina's foot & fly.
In these fleeting,
finite moments of ubermensch suspension in multiple salchows comes clairvoyance,
a kindness beyond the absolution of mundane minds.
With the key to perfection being repetition,
I pray you watch me as I molt my flaws away under the wondrous,
I shall soar,
from my axel I shall spiral sublimely on the outskirts of onlookers' smiles-
as well as my own,
& I shall skimpily,
glide through the snowflake strata unto the star-studded shangri-la.
I find my freedom in a winter only world.
Let me lease into my
then i burst into flames and fell i heard your cosmic blowthen i burst into flames and fell in Free Verse More Like This
crack the crusted knuckles
of his hands
lodge itself into the mantle
of the world i cradled
in my arms
i spent many nights reeling
with the telescopic webbing and
thenar space of sun-burnt skin
an irrevocable truthi.an irrevocable truth in Free Verse More Like This
snowflake child, you are a fine example
of the incandescence of a human light
even under innumerable umbras
i see you- ruby and blooming
ferociously fighting your way
out of a pile of rubble
my anemone, my halo
that comely wraps around my moon pith
do not fret if i self-stumble, fumble
with my fingers, and mumble to my toes
my center of gravity is oft frail and
meek to begin with
you are lead cause of the diamond flecks
scattering about the carbon of my pupils
you do not leave me
you teach me to be
snake-eyed yet shotgun-hearted-
a sapphire wanderlust livid
for life and star-gazing sights, you map
constellations on my freckles and fright
look now at how i'll find my lighthouse lover
then tend to some kids
and grow out of my gills and into grey hairs
then tend to some kids with their own kids
and reminisce about friends and phenomena
i signed my name on a patch of sky with
all on my own except
that your hand never left mine
that if i were to crumble
like the sandcastle
Open EyesI want mountains to tickle my shoulder bladesOpen Eyes in Free Verse More Like This
and make me giggle.
I want to wear sunshine like a scarf;
To spend days hanging onto each of
ariseToday the raindrops taste spicyarise in Free Verse More Like This
how I've missed them.
I've a bad case of wanderlust
And a silver sonnet skyfever,
and I want to be spinning like a planet in orbit.
The blue winterblush tiptoes onto my cheekbones
and I realize:
I've never been one for winter.Last nightI've never been one for winter. in Free Verse More Like This
There was a thunderclap,
So loud it set off a car alarm in the neighborhood.
I wanted to be that thunder:
To boom and crash and make you wake up in the middle of the night
Make you notice me.
So I got out of bed
And descended the stairs.
I ran into the lightning.
I reveled in the thunder.
I touched the dark
And felt the atmosphere.
And, finally, I felt alive.
SeductionThere was a life lingering that she'd rather forgetSeduction in Free Verse More Like This
So she painted bright colors onto the fronts of her eyeballs
The wind batted its lashes at her
She caught a bus and it moved her
i was someone.I was someone before I met you, too.i was someone. in Free Verse More Like This
I had what I needed
My child mind dreamed of dragons and glitter rain.
I sang myself to sleep each night,
A cradlesong like stars flickering
Knowing that someday I'd be everything I wanted to be.
Your eyes will no longer be the prison
That holds me.
I will believe in the myths again
If it's what will save me.
I choose the life I live.
And I choose a life that is danced, not staggered through;
A life that embraces mystery.
I choose to accept what you have done to me,
But not let it consume me.
I was someone before I met you, too.
draw it outPress pen to paperdraw it out in Free Verse More Like This
Let the ink bleed freely like my heart
I know it's the only thing that will save me
Let cold hands that might be my own
Carve out words that the world has never heard
Draw out how life will be
Spell out the reason I live
And the reason I love
Just keep going, and the breath will keep coming
I'm Here, You're ThereShe opens her amber eyes on a new dayI'm Here, You're There in Free Verse More Like This
To find something she didn't expect-
To fill the silence)
Have replaced her soft pink ones
Serves as a barrier
Her spine is held straight by the icy fibers
Woven through her vertebrae
Hush, my golden honey
Hush, my love
Let me take away the bad dreams
That infect your brain as you wander, lost
They can't hurt you here:
Not safe in my arms
The Inevitability of EndingsWe are summers of sunny-colored citrus fruitThe Inevitability of Endings in Free Verse More Like This
we are euphoria
we touch each other the way the wax caresses the side of a candle
we let our feet lose their cool in garden mud
we crash, spin, swirl into the canyon of our love
Your hands carve flutes from all of my rib bones
your lips bring music through mine
you fill me with windchimes until i am a am orchestra, an anthem of starting new
you do cartwheels for me on the front lawn
i am giggling.
you lean close and call me “love”
It is December now and the snow today is fine as chalk dust.
Your hand falls across mine.
I close my eyes against the inevitability of endings
as you whisper “I can’t”
RebellionEchoing different dialects, diverse tonguesRebellion in Free Verse More Like This
Heavy with sweet incantations
(Said to be able to bind me to you)
Lush gardens mutter to us
As we wander the evening skies
And watch the dewdrops swelling in the clouds and on the grass
Beads in the dying light, clear and luminous like liquid glass
I need to ask,
Will you be my miracle?