helium balloon lungsi. You write me notes scribbled on sandpaperhelium balloon lungs in Free Verse More Like This
and I run them across my face,
scraping away layers of saccharine skin,
ii. Your eyes, made of cookie crumbs,
I'd like to dip them in milk
and watch them melt,
smoking like dry ice,
iii. You churn my childish heart
in circles and in circles
till I slip into cardiac arrest,
iv. I just remembered that time you
wrapped your arms around me like vines
and held me until you couldn't,
v. Oh what I'd give for a pair of
fortune cookie lungs,
exhaling self-fulfilling prophecy,
vi. I've been fishing for horoscopes,
pasting them onto my bedroom walls
and on the backside of my skin,
hoping that they tell me that
today is the day you will be mine,
vii. But your soul is made up of sins
and I do believe in forgiveness,
but forgive me, for I cannot forget.
steamI'm sprouting crow feathers from my scapulassteam in Free Verse More Like This
while the air is much too thick to swallow,
my body melts into a pool of oil,
poisoning already noxious waters,
Then you find me in the ocean's center
and the water starts to boil
as we become the equator
and lose ourselves under the sun.
hey boy, I'm bleeding without youI guess you could say I've been infatuated with death,hey boy, I'm bleeding without you in Free Verse More Like This
but I'm even more consumed by you
in the deadliest way possible.
you are my careful ghosti. The air is thick and I'm drinking you in like sunlight through a silver straw,you are my careful ghost in Free Verse More Like This
I'm feeling like my spine has come unzipped and my crayola red innards have become exposed to the cool air,
you're like the slivers in my fingers that I can't pull out,
maybe I should try scraping off layers of skin with tweezers,
goodbye dead cells, hello fresh meat,
damn, why are you so fresh as fuck.
ii. A whirlpool has developed beneath my chest so there goes my sense of sanity,
actually it's more like boiling water, bubbling, spewing out passed my eyes,
and all I've been asking for is for you to either take me or let me go,
let's be honest, I could try to say I am over this whole thing
but I'm not and I don't even want to be.
iii. So let's forget the world,
get lost in each others skin,
tracing ribs like jail bars,
running hands over heartbeats,
brushing lips with lonely aches.
sometimes i imagine i'm a bird and it's all okayI'm staring through the kitchen window,sometimes i imagine i'm a bird and it's all okay in Free Verse More Like This
the moon looks like it might be a warm place to be,
soft glow, pale light,
sometimes I wonder if it would look better if you were standing next to me,
no, I'm pretty sure it wouldn't,
desperation doesn't make astronomy any prettier,
and it certainly doesn't do my self worth any justice,
but your eyes are like the milky way,
they take me away,
but distant turns to empty and emotionless until the sun has gone and caved in on itself,
it's golden hot beeswax melting in circles because star-hot sinking sand refuses to lets go,
now it's all oh, I've got this scorched tongue that soaks up sunrises when you're not here,
please forgive me for I can't control the fact that it's two minutes passed 1
or the fact that you've already been taken by some girl with tattooed thighs,
now I've got these backwards knees and disjointed thumbs,
it's too bad what you've done to me,
I mean the way your arms felt--
I do not need this,
I am a tortured spider
let your wildfire run freei. It's a warm kind of rain and a growling kind of thunder,let your wildfire run free in Free Verse More Like This
throaty and crackling booms,
I've dreamt of this place before,
there's this room made up of tall glass windows,
outside is a wrap around balcony made up of stone with high ledges,
small fir trees grow in between the crackled rock
and I'm breathing slow, soaking in the sky's sweat.
ii. Perspiring and porous clouds melt over this broken land
and I'm realizing this place lives only inside my soul when sleeping.
iii. It is a hazy painting running over the contours of my unconscious mind,
it is airbrushed afterthoughts swirling with watercolor wishes,
it is the place where my nightmares breed and my hopes climb trees,
it is the place where intuition ricochets off instinct,
it is the place that says burn the place down and let your wildfire run free.
i want you because i shouldn't want you at alli want you like i want succulent strawberries dripping over a white lacy dress,i want you because i shouldn't want you at all in Free Verse More Like This
i want you like i want complete silence on a sweltering august night,
i want you like it's dead rats melting over hot gutters and then it's your hot guts on my body.
i want you and your collarbones tied to my strings of saliva,
i want you smelling like you're some wild wolverine with incisors as sharp as rose petals,
i want you broken and bleeding just so i can nourish your wounds.
i want you dangerously close and always so,
i want you angry as you are passionate,
i want you in ways i don't even understand.
Tenderi amTender in Free Verse More Like This
a taxidermy fawn,
existing yet comatose,
my soul flickers within a lantern,
releasing a smoke with the scent of
pheromones and vanilla verbena,
but your necromantic whispers
linger in my ears,
so sweet and succulent as peaches,
give me breath,
filling my lungs upon a full moon,
oh i'd so like to take a bite of you,
you and your jungle bred lips,
tropical to taste,
organic to kiss,
jaguar, leopard spots
cover your skin
in patterns painted by the forest,
then a low, throaty growl
slips from your jaw,
haunting me like a past mistake,
but you are wild bamboo
and the sound of my heart beating,
palpitating against soft winters,
pulsing with the rhythm of summer,
for some reason you suit me
in all seasons,
and like gravity
you hold me
so no, i cannot escape you,
for no one can bypass
an autumnal equinox
or an eclipse of the sun,
you only continue to
kindle the flames
you used my wooden ribs to make
and i truly love
that searing sensation in my gut,
The CandlemakerHeat,The Candlemaker in Free Verse More Like This
the space between cold and ice,
sweat is raining down your telephone pole neck,
now it's even hotter, pushing 90,
the air is thick and begins to clog your lungs,
dragging September's fog through your trachea,
smoldering your larynx and taking control of your entire body,
burning down bones like candle wicks,
now you're a waxen pool on the bedroom floor,
but wait, tender hands start to take a hold of you,
molding you a new spine made of incense,
hips out of honey,
and a heart out of the horizon,
beating, burning slow,
you release a floral smoke,
drawn in, between the candlemaker's cigarette licked lips.
I dreamt of a flood and you were the waterLight bulb eyes,I dreamt of a flood and you were the water in Free Verse More Like This
burning through me like
crash into me
as I dream,
your ocean spits me out
through seaweed teeth,
and I love you,
but you blink light
and breathe water,
so not only am I blind,
I am drowning.
cadavershe was born with arctic lipscadaver in Free Verse More Like This
and overcast skin.
her hair fell like fresh snow
and she was far too thin.
her bones in locked closets,
joints creaked and shrieked
like a rotten floorboard
under gossamer feet.
don't you stop 'til you know you're gonethe bone-flutes are flooding out my lucidity.don't you stop 'til you know you're gone in Free Verse More Like This
nothing makes sense, but everything belongs.
the sheets are oily and hot on my skin.
exhausted, i try to escape,
only to drop out of reality and through the floors.
you know when it's time to go onshe died a long time ago.you know when it's time to go on in Short Stories More Like This
her faceless figure turned
and gave you an invisible smile,
then pulled down her hood and
let the rain smear her image away.
it was quick and she probably didn't feel it.
you stood, dumbfounded at the corner
as her cab pulled away from the curb
and into the oncoming traffic.
she died today.
but it feels like she's been gone for so much longer.
autopsyher spine was cracked down the middle,autopsy in Free Verse More Like This
her skin unraveled at the seams.
bloated lungs and an emaciated heart filled her no longer moving chest.
her eyes were still open
and her hands stretching for the last thing she ever saw,
though she'd never reached it.
no one knew the exact cause of death,
except the shadow of a boy who avoided her funeral
like it was a plague.
like she was the plague.
polarisshe was the kind of girl that filled herpolaris in Short Stories More Like This
chest cavity with stars and her mind with names,
never one to forget her friends of the sky.
she doodled comets and planets in the margins of her papers
where hearts with arrows and initials should have been.
rockets boosted her dreams into the sky, and
she insisted the martians take teeth from under her pillow, not fairies.
she hoarded her chuck e cheese tickets,
even went as far as to dig them out of couch cushions
in order to fill her night sky with glow-in-the-dark stars
so her friends would never leave her even when
mommy and daddy forgot to tuck her in.
sleepless nights were spent at the window with
her battered old astronomy book, teaching
herself to read with polaris and sigma octantis.
by high school, she was as distant as her life-long friends,
already burnt out, just leaving after-images in the sky.
stardust floated out of her ears,
and dark matter clouded her eyes.
nebulous thoughts wafted from her mouth,
catching on the breeze and s
before i'm thirtybefore i'm thirty,before i'm thirty in Free Verse More Like This
i want to take off the veil
and see the stars,
living and non-living alike.
before i'm thirty,
i want to publish a book of
emotions and bottlecaps
with a few postcards thrown in.
before i'm thirty,
i want to be living where
the trees caress the sky
and the heavens dance
before going to bed.
trancei have a best friend who never leaves my side.trance in Free Verse More Like This
he is thought.
when i turn off my brain to power my heart,
he swirls in my head and taps on my eyeballs,
begging me to tell him a bedtime story.
i have a best friend who will never be forgotten.
she is worry.
she climbs into my chest
and uses my ribcage as monkey-bars
and my lungs as waterballons.
twisting and turning,
and laughing and jumping.
i can't breathe.
i have a best friend who waits for me,
who will never give up or give in.
he holds me at night in the cold
and points out the dying stars of ursa major.
he is oblivion.
baby, we're going downI.baby, we're going down in Free Verse More Like This
your eyes grasp my heart, waiting for me to pull away,
to laugh, to say i didn't mean it.
your eyes plead to admit i'm lying.
but i'm not.
you're wanted and needed.
you're welcome here.
we're two lost souls,
holding on to the only thing we have left.
our sanity. and even that is slipping away.
so let's talk away the darkness, kid.
and let's forget the ache for one more night.
you're my only companion for when the nights get long,
so let's shrug it off.
it never happened.
all this is gone.
i wished you'd rely on me.
and apparently my wish is your command.
the quicksand used to drag you under,
forcing guilt down your throat
and ripping out arteries.
it kept you under until your lungs burst
and colored the dirt red.
a lonely wave latched onto my ankle
when i was a just a little girl.
it pulled me up into itself.
first a gentle embrace,
then a brutal violation.
the salt stripped away my innocence,
scraping out my insides from every crack
and crevice in my
little white liestissue paper skin and barbed wire spineslittle white lies in Free Verse More Like This
"i haven't been sleeping well."
butterfly wing smiles and porcelain bones
"the medicine will help."
sparrow hearts and rose petal hair
undersea eyes and sailboat stomachs
"these things pass in time."
overstimulatedright now my body is telling me to runoverstimulated in Free Verse More Like This
but my mind is telling me to hide,
crawl into the closet and block out the light
until i'm sane again.
never in sync
i'm buzzing and fizzing
rolling and falling
and running and tripping
my mind is cl-cl-clicking
synapses in cobwebs,
bumblebees just below the skin,
like jumping into ice water during a hurricane
the unheard whispers rip at my hair
and scream into my cerebrum
my body is trying to catch up with my mind
on and on we go
a mile a minute,
stuck on a treadmill
cobblestones.cobblestones in Free Verse More Like This
i pulled a napkin from the silver tin,
wiped the table clear, drops of ketchup staining the center.
i crushed the paper in my palm, felt the dampness reach the edges.
hurt cloud, she said as i let it roll across the table.
shooting baskets as the day ended,
the ball went over the backboard, disappeared into the dark.
she shrugged, then bent low, picked up pebbles.
your poor hands, she said. you have so many scars,
and you're still so young. (she, younger than i, saying this)
she touched one hand, then after a pause she took the other
without looking at me.
some things take so much courage.
we sat like that for a long time,
i passed two old women by the river.
one stopped, pulled off her shoe
and shook a pebble out.
it dropped into the water
and she continued on,
from the absence dented into her foot.
the other had stopped a ways ahead.
she waited and said, a pebble?
the woman nodded. her whole life
The same messageI keep expecting one of these wavesThe same message in Free Verse More Like This
to gush pearls, one of these hours
to drop out of the sky
and speak to me.
I walk back and forth
over the unleavened bread of wet sand
as a stray dog leaving the shallows
shakes off water
in the same way a galaxy might
For the moment there is no pain,
just the tip of my tongue
pressing against my teeth
while the water,
in one of the oldest gestures on earth
skirts across the sand, etching
and erasing the same message:
Death and EverythingDeath is whenDeath and Everything in Free Verse More Like This
lies behind you.
If you feel
you have arrived at
you need only
and the rain came downwith your abandon,and the rain came down in Free Verse More Like This
you became fierce
Waxy moonLight a candleWaxy moon in Free Verse More Like This
for every tragedy
and the world
Someone else's scripture.Someone else's scripture in Free Verse More Like This
The books of the earth:
New, Quarter, Harvest.
Half, Full, Crescent.
"Spill your oils,"
the water says
to the moon.
How does the myth go,
who was the hero
that threw the word for
into the dark center of the lake?
What has life been
"Can anybody stay longer?"
the stars beg.
The cello eases its pheromones
over the smell of your lips.
I say, "You are my favorite countryside.
The color of your hair drifts through the trees."
You smile with the scent of warm dirt
on your breath.
I grasp doorknobs
as if I were underwater,
I turn pages
as if there were blood between my fingers.
The lamplight sunsets halfway across the open book,
my palms muffle the title.
My heartbeat evens to a horizon.
My hair dozes gently.
The hour will unpurse in the spaces between action
and vanishing point.
The hour will flash between
the horse's legs.
The hour will grieve behind a sheet of rain.
The hour will thunder with the downswing of comets.
The hour will vanish into someone
unrequited cosmologyI sit all night,unrequited cosmology in Free Verse More Like This
trying to imagine
what is happening
on the other side of the universe
when I can’t even bear to think
about what my former lover is
just across town.
MusingI'm too young to spend my lifeMusing in Free Verse More Like This
running from the thunder,
staring at the kitchen walls wondering
how life would be different
if they weren't the same color.
ShiverYou take twelve steps;Shiver in Free Verse More Like This
the thirteenth becomes a spiderweb.
Its voice cracks out through the winter,
A death rattle.
If you pivot towards the shore,
it'd witness nothing more than
the hopeless groan that leaves your throat
when you recognize futility.
Remember what your father said--
about laying down on ice
like you were a sheet.
He neglected to mention
how frigid the bed.
A beat--you start to move,
trembling like the skeleton trees.
How evil the water leers.
Each moment a torment
as you slowly kneel,
the fire in your knees giving way
like your footing.
Your breath comes short
in smoke-signal gasps
and for all the warmth inside your coat,
its heat is worthless when wet.
How curious the light
when filtered thus--
through water and ice
like cathedral casements.
The blue is like your sister's eyes
and you wonder
if they'll be as wet as you
when you are pulled back out.
Drowning seems slower
when the water's cold.
Then again, you've never died before
Girl, Reincarnated.Perhaps in a past life you were made of ink,Girl, Reincarnated. in Free Verse More Like This
your eyes speckled like blotting paper,
complexion smooth as parchment.
And maybe your voice was storm cloud rolling
because I see your words
and they fill my heart with rain,
not the heavy kind that revels
in punching holes in butterfly wings but rather
the mist that paints the dew and
leaves the sky beautifully grey.
At the very least your soul was a mourning dove,
as there's a lilting sorrow in your words
that the air carries like a melody,
were I to speak them aloud
I would sing, hoping that my voice wouldn't shake
with your weeping.
Graduate III think they give us black robesGraduate II in Free Verse More Like This
and academia's sake,
but sometimes I believe
it's more about mourning
the end of carelessness
before we are tackled
I Drink to the ShatteredHere's to the half-hopes,I Drink to the Shattered in Free Verse More Like This
who lie shallow in their graves,
comatose, their pulse forgotten.
And here's to unrequited love;
impossible thoughts between heartbeats,
the burning pang that follows.
A nod to the empty dreams,
their ankles hobbled, improperly set.
They walk nowhere.
Silence to commemorate the lost cause;
That never leave the womb.
To the broken and sleepless,
inane and insane,
the clueless, the lonely,
the outcasts forgotten,
to you I raise my glass.
A Slower Way to DrownCry me an ocean crashing,A Slower Way to Drown in Free Verse More Like This
its sultry blues rolling.
I am tumbling through the deep,
and I've forgotten I can't breathe.
Salt in my lungs, rattling.
I am buried up to my neck,
my head facing the tides that
come whispering in.
More Than KismetThe world was a quiltMore Than Kismet in Free Verse More Like This
and we matched corners.
Somewhere in our patchwork
was the same thread,
It did not matter
that we weren't quite complimentary colors...
border to border we matched
and that was all we needed.
AwakenedPaint me silver,Awakened in Free Verse More Like This
to contrast the dawn,
and open my eyes to the twilight.
In this moment, I am the hills.
I am the mountain with his
white-brimmed hat cocked just so.
I am the breathy mist on the lake.
With the sun framing
my westward-pointing shadow,
the morning is my vestment,
and new warmth makes my crown.
I shiver with the bristling pines,
shaking off last night's frost,
creaking as we stretch into the wind.
B R E A T H E.Begin by leaning against the wall,B R E A T H E. in Free Verse More Like This
reveling in your humanity with
each sigh resounding in your empty room.
Aspirations spinning with your exhalations, you
try to fix your eyes on a different kind of
heaven whose doors won't close on your fingers
every time you knock.
Under the WeatherMy soul feels waterlogged today,Under the Weather in Free Verse More Like This
and my hands aren't strong enough
to wring it out.
I need to walk in the wind
under the noontime warmth,
but it's cold outside
I guess today I have to
play the role of the overcast sky
and hang low until graced with the sun.
biopsyput me under, cover my face, stuff my lungs with your chemical lies.biopsy in Free Verse More Like This
if they were to take me apart,
slice open my chest,
peel back the skin keeping me whole,
they would find:
a. one heart, slowly ticking.
(they would not find anything,
but they would have to say they did.
after all, girls can't live without a heart.
they forget that i'm not the first:
a score of girls walking even though
they should have faded long ago.)
b. each rib curved so perfectly,
a shield around my lungs.
(a cage, keeping my breath from bursting
out of my skin. know that this is just me,
held together by nature,
unable to lose control of myself.)
c. two sacs of cells, nestled beside each other.
(no first-hand smoke here, no sir.
only second-hand dust, only
things i could not get rid of,
only bits of places i've been,
caught in my body.
postcards of memories i can't see.)
d. a skeleton, still and alive.
(sleeping, with blood cells being produced
in the hollows of my curves.
the rattling of my bones cannot
kiss and tellthree.kiss and tell in Free Verse More Like This
you were always alone
i always wanted to save you
from the demons of the night
she had stars in her eyes
but never any sense in her mind
i was her voice of reason
but she always made the same mistakes
i would watch as you
sank deeper in and i wished
that i could fish you out
her hands were tied
by absolutely nothing
and her heart seized by love
but she never understood how to control it
baby girl, please don't leave
let me protect you until forever
i don't want you to die
nothing could make her realize
that she already had all her angels
but she just did not know how to see
baby girl remember,
never, ever kiss and tell
ten reasons whyone.ten reasons why in Free Verse More Like This
the first time she kissed you.
that sock you found, the one that didn't belong to you.
i love you. i love you. i love you.
(don't leave me, don't leave me, don't leave me.)
soak me in sin. if it means i'll be yours.
give me everything i've given up for you.
i've lost myself in your eyes.
the time she promised forever.
the time she took it back.
the ring that was supposed to be hers.
now it just sits in your drawer.
if you come back, i won't be here.
i'm sorry. i can't be yours anymore.
losing heighti want to tell you my stories,losing height in Free Verse More Like This
because i have nothing else to offer.
from moment one
she spread her wings
knowing that the ground
would never touch her
as long as she lived
she didn't understand
that she could not live
without a heart
she didn't understand
that the sky had no hold
but the ground would chain her
she didn't understand
that life was not that easy
meltingshe spilled across her bed,melting in Free Verse More Like This
an oil-spill of excuses why.
they promised they would mop her up,
but how could she possibly believe them
when none of them could see the
oil that dripped out of her?
they were all blind to
the stain eating her up,
polluting her insides.
the pain, the ache,
the never ending cycle of
pretending she was okay.
if only to prevent a national
multi-facetedreality is multi-faceted,multi-faceted in Free Verse More Like This
but what happens when you
cannot see depth?
( once bitten, twice shy,
i swear that i do not want to play games
where there are lies sprung from
the lips of the one i love )
reality is multi-faceted,
i do not want to trust
- especially not what i do not see
i do not want to fall again
i do not want to get caught up
in this world where
nothing is certain nothing is real everything is double-sided
false hopes ]
unprotectedshe wants them all to justunprotected in Free Verse More Like This
L E A V E H E R A L O N E .
she wants him
to to love her
( because who else would ? )
she wants the other boy
to go away
( because he cares too much )
because she doesn't want
him to know her inside and out
she doesn't want anyone
getting close to her
no one needs to know that much
beautifuli want to be dysfunctionalbeautiful in Free Verse More Like This
because broken is beautiful
[or at least that is what i tell myself-
i am a girl with haunted, sorrowful
eyes and bones so brittle,
just like her heart.]
when will i learn,
not to revel in my sorrow,
and seize the day again?
[when will i learn that bro-
ken, is (harmful) and whole
is not (hurtful)?]
i can be something wonderful,
if you only give me the chance.
satellite boyyou always told me,satellite boy in Free Verse More Like This
to never be like you.
to not be faithless, blameless,
you told me,
you had a satellite boy,
who guided your way home.
you told me,
he fell from the heavens.
you always told me,
you were just trying to find
someone whose heart wasn't beating,
because that way, they would never
once, you made me promise,
to never swear on my own grave,
for a friend going insane.
watch mewatch this ;watch me in Free Verse More Like This
one two three four
i am knocking on your door.
five six seven eight
i am the girl that you hate.
she's always there [no matter
where i go] -
inside mirrors, outside doors [in
my mind, in my bones, in my
she tells me that my skeleton is
made of steel [because that is
stronger than wrought iron],
and that i have to stand up
straight, even know this
misery is crushing me [and
she knows exactly how to stop it,
but i have to bear it-
because i have bones so stainless, a
heart so cold, lungs so empty and devoid.]
no matter how far i run
[she is always there inside my mind]
no matter where i try to hide
[she is always ready to find me]
she [i] am the reason you check [look]
under your beds for monsters [demons].
i told myself that ghosts were just angels
without the pomp and ceremony and fanfare.
i told myself that nothing could harm me
as long as i was asleep. i told myself so much
and yet here i am, hurt wounded vulnerable.
and i have to wonder,
was it worth it?
how to pay the plumberthe sun is born of ink that leaks from dog-eared galaxieshow to pay the plumber in Free Verse More Like This
and the night is made of copper eyes that pipe the constellations
but we are too polite to stare.
any hand that may brush my back must bleed the alphabet
from wearied fingertips, and this is why:
happiness is ice and crinkled bones all wrapped up warm in the
childless rings of saturn
and your smiling face-of-a-cliff that scorches pretty spring skin dry.
we will never say we will never love so
i will die beside,
you die below.
a snap of bellsa.a snap of bells in Free Verse More Like This
i have never brushed the soft skin of Genesis
i have not.
but i know that wild horses roam the space
between extremities, that is why i sleep with eyes
closed, so i am not without
oh, i am not within.
does summer wonder the touch of frost,
does it feel the flake of blossoms as springtime peels away
or do my eyes deceive
do you think its smile is as soft as its skies
she does not step she does not see
i do not taste
the silver synapse clapsed between our vertebrae
but darling i feel it itch
can you see me now can you
tell i am under
don't stumble away without me i do not know what
i will do.
i am cinnamon in a windstorm or
amber ash in the glass of patriots
some say you are gone too soon, i s
daedalusi. we are like birds,daedalus in Free Verse More Like This
birds without the wings
but with the song.
(icarus did not want for wings)
We did not want for chains we did not
want to flee
(he did not want to fall
I am without fear, and you are without blood,
and we could never hope to scratch the sun,
but perhaps we might endeaver to suspend it.
it's the hollow beat of bones on drums
it's a steady throb of pins on thumbs
it's a simple truth that
nobody wants to fly
ii. but they do.
purgeheaving up a universepurge in Free Verse More Like This
is nothing on my stomach,
yet my scared molested heart
jumps out of the way.
the purge, a dark scent
weeping over the pointlessness
the ache and sorrow
the filling and emptying
of a creature so profoundly
ich liebe dichdaylight wakes me up and i turn into the green moth on the windshield.ich liebe dich in Letters More Like This
a few months ago i would have died to be someone with the same kind of pulse
as you. i wanted to know what it felt like to breathe your same
air and listen to the fabrication of your words, your lies like lists of things
you wanted me to hear, essays crafted to the palaces of my mind.
you knew what i wanted because you know the architecture of so many women—
not seeing my poisonous nature, the blisteringly sweet aftertaste that crumples
you into me again, again, again, each hit better than the last. together
we chase the dragon, needing more and more of each other
to understand what it means to be alone.
being alone is different than screaming into the pillows as sunlight peers through
the blinds, a curious onlooker. i never remembered falling asleep but i always remember
how strange the light looked, and my nightmares before i woke up being crushed
beneath your arm. my neck was sore from being jammed into the
and it might be heardi have been wondering whatand it might be heard in Free Verse More Like This
makes us so lucky
i feel good to have someone
who makes me feel so alive
in every way--
but maybe you feel lucky too
though you would pick another word
that i cannot think of now
it feels like the tables have turned
and dinner hasn't even gotten cold,
the way i was never exactly
poised for greatness but suddenly
am saved from the graceful boredom
of heaven and death and all of its
advocates. there is no home for me
amongst riddles and eyeless ghosts.
here i spend my nights flying
beneath your white wings,
letting you feed on the
tar that sits in my ugly soul
while i get drunk and high and
sleep in the warm glow
of your skin, lantern soft.
the word i should
use here is, "devoured."
pretend you don't know me,
your princess in the sky drinking
herself half awake with tears in
her eyes. wet eyes, she pretends
none of it matters.
you make me dizzy with bliss,
whispering supplication. something
cold is breathing in on my windows,
and it's so close that sometimes
could have mentioned youbeing without you is ugly.could have mentioned you in Letters More Like This
my flesh turns the colour
of a moth catching fire, its
eyes white in the smoke.
i lose my breath slowly,
coughing up the excess.
the ocean's tides pulse
beneath, some monster
lurking behind my eyes.
you say i'm being weird
and i think, "i know." i started
crying when i thought i heard
you in the doorway. it was after
i'd found my suicide note and
watching myself die again
gave me more time to mourn.
i put lipstick on and started
crawling between the sheets
at six in the morning. i think
you knew i was happy just
because i was with you.
i think you know what you are.
sometimes people ask what he
did. sometimes people just know.
i carry myself that way. something's
terrible, something's wonderful. if i
weren't so lost, i wouldn't have stumbled
upon another wanderer like you. my magic
tucked up under us, we fucked constantly.
hit me and tell me i'm yours, that's so
beautiful. i don't know why but i like it.
you close your eyes and i stop breathing.
you open them
reincarnate newbornthe raw thumbs of married menreincarnate newborn in Letters More Like This
rub scentless pillowcases
with practised stares, eyes unfocusing
cold fingers pressing
into them, against them;
the soil of anguish
their spindly, underfed bodies.
when the night is over,
they have all spent and have all
sorry and grieving
in the wallows of my
going home barefoot,
i crunch and whisper,
breath coming out in huffs
of purple smoke and dust,
the cold air swallowing my
crawling through my nose and mouth,
making ice palaces for my
stomach and heart.
i am fuschia,
and the ink dribbles from my spine
leaving dark creases like
dreamy names on my feet
--today i like boys
--tomorrow i like girls
but it's loving all the same
and i collect their thoughts
and insecurities, matching ones,
in my queer-femme purse
with pink elephants.
naked in bed, my stockings feel like
mermaid legs, baby fresh
and peeled new
purity visemaybe one day i'll wake up and stuff my wasted skeletonpurity vise in Letters More Like This
into a bag, then throw it out to sea. his silent urgency will,
even then, softly echo on the waves. such eternal motion, such
sweet memory. and, i think...
i'll eat for you. spit on your blackened intent
with longing licks of an alabaster cold tongue
and so no one touches me, i'll write on my arms
with flowers, white lilies spreading
and webbing my wrists and thighs...
never look over your shoulderthere's always a snake in the garden,never look over your shoulder in Letters More Like This
the soft billowing crevices deep within
my body giving up molecules and pink
love-lines in a silky froth. i wonder viciously
about the tiny preoccupations of my body, how
it handled being subject to the absence of nourishment
and the entirety of your ardour
madness pools at our feet, angel boy,
dragons slipping in the dust, long wiry
insects of stray thought dappling the walls.
what looks like chaos to us looks like an oasis
of our nightmares, where our madness
comes to rest in the mornings like all the
i spin into the soft reach of pills
with the knowledge and love of
my scarred witch body the only
things i could give to you. we
were the only ones alive,
i leave in a hush, a silence
taking wing under our souls,
the thin wire connecting us soil to loins
vibrating and breaking with a violent
massacre of sound
die seelemicroscopic detonationsdie seele in Letters More Like This
a chromatic lisp in the air, i think
i tried so hard to be something else
that i stopped knowing what
being myself was like, what
having a body was like.
sex is a complication
no an instrument, no a
creation, no some sort of
a living source and my own
heartless dead body-thrifting self
as some quiet soul
empties themself into me
with their eyes open, watching me
as i devour them whole and let
their bodies understand me.
strangers are more
knowing than the ones
i have always loved, lived
and when i am alone i stand
hopelessly unaware of the
consequences of my actions,
dripping in the seamless wake
of yet another man's oceanic
hopes for what we are, aren't,
shall hope for and never be.
i'm a flower blooming
in the water, my mouth skimming
the waves as they try
so hard to engulf me and
i allow them to swallow me
centimetre by centimetre
intimacy and controljanuary cannot exist withoutintimacy and control in Letters More Like This
getting lost at least once on
a long dark cold road and
realising you are the only way
then one night you are
cornered in your cerulean
nightmare landscape and you
realise you are trapped by
the labyrinthe of your mind yet
you are always one step
ahead of it all, my darling,
and one day this will all catch
up to you. one day you will be
spitting blood in the kitchen sink
and wondering when it got this bad
one day you will not be able
to get out of bed. depression
is such a vague and soft illness,
because she seems to take you
so slowly and compassionately
at first that
you start wondering if she
just belongs with you
and is the only one who
ever truly loves you
apneasometime's you're the drugapnea in Letters More Like This
sometimes i'm the poisonous
dip of the crescent
you told me the moon
was some reflection of me
when i had nightmares
you never held me
when the shame was fulfilling
my flowers would wilt
i fell in love with
my illness and my sadness
when nothing loved me
and i cheat on my
happiness with a mouthful
of pills and sly hands.
punish me harder.
once a girl told me i could
tell her everything.
so i told her i
was an angel sent just to
bring her flowers and
tell her that she was
my life and my world and my
reason for living
and she told me that
i was her suicide note
so i kept her close
i left flowers when
i visited her gravestone
i told her i knew
she loved me and i
loved everyone else when i
swallowed the pills and
kissed the earth goodbye
telling daddy my soft lies
you don't love me now
and you carve me out
of porcelain every night
trying to find my
faults in the dim light
and i just wanted you to
fuck the life in me
again and again
feeding off of me slowly
unzippedi.unzipped in Free Verse More Like This
it was all skinned knees
and stop signs between us.
we pushed too hard
or not hard enough.
the last star i wished upon
turned out to be a satellite,
and the last time i kissed you
really wasn't the last time.
the scent of romance- pine needles
and sawdust clung to my shoulders
where your fingers left goose flesh
when i least expected it.
i'd be tangled up in you and bed sheets
if i didn't know you better than that,
[sweetheart,] you're thunderstorms on
Saturday nights and "Why don't you stay
for awhile"'s and the infidelities
that line my cheeks.
memories make people.i am six. "are you okay?"memories make people. in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
i nod at the police officer,
as another escorts my dad out the door.
i am eight. the day's mail
sits on the dining room table. mom's
arguing. the person on the other end shares my last name.
i am a little past three
mom says it's alright for you
to call him dad, do i do.
i am thirteen when someone asks
why don't you call him dad?
"he wasn't there, someone else was." i tell them.
i am ten when mom
tells dad not to come back.
this time, i don't ask her to let him.
i am eleven when i go visit grandparents i never knew.
"she looks just like you"
"she's my daughter"
i am five and it's christmas day.
"she won't get hurt, relax." dad's drunk.
i crashed that three-wheeler into the clothesline.
i am seven, sitting at a lunch table by myself. mom's late
to pick me up from ballet. it's dark when she gets there.
she smiles, but i can see the bruises forming.
i am four when i first see
my dad raise his hand
and the mark he left on my mother.
i am fourteen when i stop visit
04.10chapter one:04.10 in Free Verse More Like This
leave the boy and
don't look back
"but you do, sweetheart."
(there's no room for
second guesses here.)
spanish music and rough russian accents
those fruity pink drinks were the death
of chapter two, the green ones will do for the night
"he didn't trust me-"
(among other things)
"-so i took away his need to."
marchif a lie is repeated enough times,march in Free Verse More Like This
will you believe it? (i whisper
truths to things that can't talk &
bury the emotions i refuse to have
in the metal i wear.)
(what you can't hear can't hurt me,
and what i think can't hurt you if
i don't give it the wings to fly to you,
or at least that's what i tell
myself to keep everything 'okay')
(sometimes i think you go
by the same logic.)
finalityreincarnation [of] [a] fling,finality in Free Verse More Like This
he said he would paint a world-
a big, neon, flashing sign that says
[that] [it's] lines in the sand,
waking, wishing, waiting
swollen dents, fireflies pray
[it's] why stars don't sleep
for this sinking heart
(but i thought it got better)
xanthippeI. rainy days, shaking foundations ofxanthippe in Free Verse More Like This
human anatomy & deconstructing
the many paths to illusion written in bone
& muscle, sheer cold making both (of us)
quake -ache for sunlight, warm(er)
days & warm(ing) smiles.
there was a rush of thought, a rush of
heat lining my cheeks at your smile, something
like a proposition rolled from your touch &
fell from your lips & we caught fire. (again)
& just for a moment nothing had changed
(but everything does) & i have to remember
to breathe because oxygen is important & i
have a bad habit of forgetting small facts like that
& how (un)well we seem to get along &
damn you, this is all your fault.
II. through the clouds, i discovered India,
trying to erase the taste of copper pennies
from her lips and her memories; wild berries
crushed on pale fingertips ghosting over
untouchable wisps, capturing everything
better forgotten and dotting the horizon.
i take the window seat in silence,
watching colors fade from my grasp
& darkness mingles with exhaust(i
compositionshe fell in love with words, never people-composition in Free Verse More Like This
people breathe and run and can cut her to the bone;
they're dangerous, deadly, violent,
but it was people that she knew best.
i am made of little, brittle bird bones and shattering skies,
i've got the skin of snakes, of wilting flowers,
of broken mirrors without the shine,
i'm trying to be a bit more honest,
but it's not like you can tell the difference between
my endless melodies and the vindictive, cutting words
that roll from my mouth-
they're not that much different.
toy gunsi.toy guns in Free Verse More Like This
it is february and i am still,
waiting for something to happen,
waiting for the other shoe to drop.
(darling, this isn't a game
isn't a game
isn't a game
but it's still your move.)
this is a test, to see if
we can be a dance, fluid and graceful
or if this is a mistake
with stubbed toes and missed marks
(bite marks are optional at this point,
but really, i don't know what you're
getting at please throw me a line
over here before i drown.)
it isn't enough to write,
about you or the tremors and the goose flesh
and everything you may or may not do to me
(i'll admit nothing,
not a damn thing
unless you say please
and smile-- then maybe.)
i'm the left over human, the
bits and pieces that won't come off the tracks
the bits and pieces that wish
for the ocean and lighthouses and things
i've never seen before
(i'm the girl who doesn't
quite understand if you're in this
or not and what the hell are you
trying to do.)
Census of Ghostshe now resides in susurration:Census of Ghosts in Free Verse More Like This
shaken from our summer sheets,
flags drawn taut and shuddering,
and wispseeds rising into the light
with their dressing gowns unbuttoned,
planting onto my lips that name
i've tried to hang with himself;
on a late morning,
while folding your laundry,
i found him again and held his tongue
when he yearned to speak of love
that once transpired in his passion,
or maybe it was the infatuation
of surrealists: brown skin but touched
upon each other,
marking the insignificant with brands
of remembrance: like the crinkling of
tinfoil or the crisping of smokers' lungs
or the thought that cigarettes are only
romantic if you can witness their glow
or hear them faintly burning—
white ash rests on the dashboard
and his fingers are caked with rust
in my flashbulb drug collections:
the color of blood that's been drying
in my mouth while i try to recall how it felt
to hold someone who might have come
and remained forever breathing
if that letter had never reached my
a string drawn tautthere are so manya string drawn taut in Free Verse More Like This
blue stars in your skin
but i can't believe
each neuron is a universe
alight with planets,
gaunt aliens signing god
in the absence of your name,
dim cars on the street,
beneath an awning
like a glowing orange womb
you shudder saying,
i just had a chill,
is this room cold
or are we in the gut
of a giant
who's strung out
seven days lifeless,
biting the apple,
wishing for his mother,
the earth is spinning
in the eyes
of a turtle
with a red shell
who swims in the flowers
who swallows supernovas
and they pass through his kidneys,
we could burst any minute,
a fly's nerves twitch,
a city laid,
between microscope lenses,
clutching wife to child,
do you know my name?
do you know you're shivering?
do you know i'm the son
of your nucleus?
i live in your cheek
and die at your
Cicadas in the HibiscusThe WastelandCicadas in the Hibiscus in Haiku & Eastern More Like This
Planet Earth is dead.
The Biospheres are pristine,
He breaks ships for cash
but has never flown above
the smog and rusting.
They revolve like moons
with a hundred white faces.
Billions look up.
The Garden of Eden
"Let's feed the Earthlings,"
cries a human. She wonders
Extinct flowers bloom.
The day cycle ends and she
watches the dome split.
were renamed by the Founders.
She finds Orion.
The Dark Star
He collects spare parts,
amasses a ship in months,
then learns to pilot.
"There's no need for a
license to kill, kill, kill, kill,
She sees him coming,
but says nothing. The glass
erupts to soundless.
They watch from the ground
and color televisions.
Some cheer. Some sicken.
"And measures have been
taken to ensure no more
Spheres will be damaged."
The borders tighten.
Someone starves in Coal City.
Planet Earth is dead.
beigeone.beige in Free Verse More Like This
it was the most derealized
when i looked at you,
felt a throb of lust
for something deeper than your cheap tattoos,
good taste in music;
another liability on my lap.
on a stagnant morning,
i saw the peeling brick houses
reflected by oil;
they waved and bleared.
i'm not much for grief,
tossing beside you,
Compulsioni am awed by man's ability to createCompulsion in Free Verse More Like This
in explicit symbolism,
bragging divinity in the face
of yesterday's mathematicians,
a garden on the storyteller's tongue.
riseblood-orange rays pierced lilac clouds, brighter than the cowering sun, bleeding onto my eyes and stealing from me my breath and legs and reason. the light seemed an entity of its own, sovereign of any celestial body, an icarus who had not plunged into the black sea and became a god by his victory. the sky bowed to its violent haze, softer hues conquered,rise in Free Verse More Like This
but when i tore from my worship, i noticed that a brewing storm and the sun—pale grey, anemic—had regained their throne like the sickly queen of december and her embittered king. i walked to work.
saint mary'severy day is another redemption songsaint mary's in Free Verse More Like This
sung off-key by the children's choir,
rattling some holy offices, pitching
down south morgan street to rest
in clara's bakery; rising steam holds
little voices, the bread tastes of hope
and other things they can't afford,
eaten by the pastor when he leaves
wistariawistaria blooms oncewistaria in Free Verse More Like This
and then again,
rotting sweet on trellises,
nursed at the breast of clouds
pregnant with filth,
and their stately gardens,
choking june's gentler flowers
with lilac facade,
petals whispered twice.
aubadefrosted leaves,aubade in Free Verse More Like This
clinquant and shattering
when brushed from our porch
to the bare concrete.
did they wish
to see the fairy lights
while their siblings rotted?
did they freeze
with kept fancies
of becoming green again,
greeting a lush morning
like fresh buds of spring?
or did they linger
knowing i would break them
and think they looked like glass?
daliin that second,dali in Free Verse More Like This
(when the sun beat so hard i could hear
every waving particle, see the color before it was
swallowed; i closed my eyes and felt the concrete
blaring, the refracting windows aching, and each
bird crackling in the parched trees, feathers rustling
and beaks clacking, blackness bleached orange and
my hands sought in the silence of my pockets,
imprisoned and pallid like a dog yapping in that hot car)