cadavershe was born with arctic lipscadaver in Free Verse More Like This
and overcast skin.
her hair fell like fresh snow
and she was far too thin.
her bones in locked closets,
joints creaked and shrieked
like a rotten floorboard
under gossamer feet.
autopsyher spine was cracked down the middle,autopsy in Free Verse More Like This
her skin unraveled at the seams.
bloated lungs and an emaciated heart filled her no longer moving chest.
her eyes were still open
and her hands stretching for the last thing she ever saw,
though she'd never reached it.
no one knew the exact cause of death,
except the shadow of a boy who avoided her funeral
like it was a plague.
like she was the plague.
you know when it's time to go onshe died a long time ago.you know when it's time to go on in Short Stories More Like This
her faceless figure turned
and gave you an invisible smile,
then pulled down her hood and
let the rain smear her image away.
it was quick and she probably didn't feel it.
you stood, dumbfounded at the corner
as her cab pulled away from the curb
and into the oncoming traffic.
she died today.
but it feels like she's been gone for so much longer.
don't you stop 'til you know you're gonethe bone-flutes are flooding out my lucidity.don't you stop 'til you know you're gone in Free Verse More Like This
nothing makes sense, but everything belongs.
the sheets are oily and hot on my skin.
exhausted, i try to escape,
only to drop out of reality and through the floors.
polarisshe was the kind of girl that filled herpolaris in Short Stories More Like This
chest cavity with stars and her mind with names,
never one to forget her friends of the sky.
she doodled comets and planets in the margins of her papers
where hearts with arrows and initials should have been.
rockets boosted her dreams into the sky, and
she insisted the martians take teeth from under her pillow, not fairies.
she hoarded her chuck e cheese tickets,
even went as far as to dig them out of couch cushions
in order to fill her night sky with glow-in-the-dark stars
so her friends would never leave her even when
mommy and daddy forgot to tuck her in.
sleepless nights were spent at the window with
her battered old astronomy book, teaching
herself to read with polaris and sigma octantis.
by high school, she was as distant as her life-long friends,
already burnt out, just leaving after-images in the sky.
stardust floated out of her ears,
and dark matter clouded her eyes.
nebulous thoughts wafted from her mouth,
catching on the breeze and s
baby, we're going downI.baby, we're going down in Free Verse More Like This
your eyes grasp my heart, waiting for me to pull away,
to laugh, to say i didn't mean it.
your eyes plead to admit i'm lying.
but i'm not.
you're wanted and needed.
you're welcome here.
we're two lost souls,
holding on to the only thing we have left.
our sanity. and even that is slipping away.
so let's talk away the darkness, kid.
and let's forget the ache for one more night.
you're my only companion for when the nights get long,
so let's shrug it off.
it never happened.
all this is gone.
i wished you'd rely on me.
and apparently my wish is your command.
the quicksand used to drag you under,
forcing guilt down your throat
and ripping out arteries.
it kept you under until your lungs burst
and colored the dirt red.
a lonely wave latched onto my ankle
when i was a just a little girl.
it pulled me up into itself.
first a gentle embrace,
then a brutal violation.
the salt stripped away my innocence,
scraping out my insides from every crack
and crevice in my
before i'm thirtybefore i'm thirty,before i'm thirty in Free Verse More Like This
i want to take off the veil
and see the stars,
living and non-living alike.
before i'm thirty,
i want to publish a book of
emotions and bottlecaps
with a few postcards thrown in.
before i'm thirty,
i want to be living where
the trees caress the sky
and the heavens dance
before going to bed.
trancei have a best friend who never leaves my side.trance in Free Verse More Like This
he is thought.
when i turn off my brain to power my heart,
he swirls in my head and taps on my eyeballs,
begging me to tell him a bedtime story.
i have a best friend who will never be forgotten.
she is worry.
she climbs into my chest
and uses my ribcage as monkey-bars
and my lungs as waterballons.
twisting and turning,
and laughing and jumping.
i can't breathe.
i have a best friend who waits for me,
who will never give up or give in.
he holds me at night in the cold
and points out the dying stars of ursa major.
he is oblivion.
pray for memy body is a prison,pray for me in Free Verse More Like This
and i'm holding the key in my hands.
freedom is potentially right there.
but i'm too afraid to open this lock.
this is stockholm syndrome at its finest.
overstimulatedright now my body is telling me to runoverstimulated in Free Verse More Like This
but my mind is telling me to hide,
crawl into the closet and block out the light
until i'm sane again.
never in sync
i'm buzzing and fizzing
rolling and falling
and running and tripping
my mind is cl-cl-clicking
synapses in cobwebs,
bumblebees just below the skin,
like jumping into ice water during a hurricane
the unheard whispers rip at my hair
and scream into my cerebrum
my body is trying to catch up with my mind
on and on we go
a mile a minute,
stuck on a treadmill
helium balloon lungsi. You write me notes scribbled on sandpaperhelium balloon lungs in Free Verse More Like This
and I run them across my face,
scraping away layers of saccharine skin,
ii. Your eyes, made of cookie crumbs,
I'd like to dip them in milk
and watch them melt,
smoking like dry ice,
iii. You churn my childish heart
in circles and in circles
till I slip into cardiac arrest,
iv. I just remembered that time you
wrapped your arms around me like vines
and held me until you couldn't,
v. Oh what I'd give for a pair of
fortune cookie lungs,
exhaling self-fulfilling prophecy,
vi. I've been fishing for horoscopes,
pasting them onto my bedroom walls
and on the backside of my skin,
hoping that they tell me that
today is the day you will be mine,
vii. But your soul is made up of sins
and I do believe in forgiveness,
but forgive me, for I cannot forget.
hey boy, I'm bleeding without youI guess you could say I've been infatuated with death,hey boy, I'm bleeding without you in Free Verse More Like This
but I'm even more consumed by you
in the deadliest way possible.
steamI'm sprouting crow feathers from my scapulassteam in Free Verse More Like This
while the air is much too thick to swallow,
my body melts into a pool of oil,
poisoning already noxious waters,
Then you find me in the ocean's center
and the water starts to boil
as we become the equator
and lose ourselves under the sun.
sometimes i imagine i'm a bird and it's all okayI'm staring through the kitchen window,sometimes i imagine i'm a bird and it's all okay in Free Verse More Like This
the moon looks like it might be a warm place to be,
soft glow, pale light,
sometimes I wonder if it would look better if you were standing next to me,
no, I'm pretty sure it wouldn't,
desperation doesn't make astronomy any prettier,
and it certainly doesn't do my self worth any justice,
but your eyes are like the milky way,
they take me away,
but distant turns to empty and emotionless until the sun has gone and caved in on itself,
it's golden hot beeswax melting in circles because star-hot sinking sand refuses to lets go,
now it's all oh, I've got this scorched tongue that soaks up sunrises when you're not here,
please forgive me for I can't control the fact that it's two minutes passed 1
or the fact that you've already been taken by some girl with tattooed thighs,
now I've got these backwards knees and disjointed thumbs,
it's too bad what you've done to me,
I mean the way your arms felt--
I do not need this,
I am a tortured spider
you are my careful ghosti. The air is thick and I'm drinking you in like sunlight through a silver straw,you are my careful ghost in Free Verse More Like This
I'm feeling like my spine has come unzipped and my crayola red innards have become exposed to the cool air,
you're like the slivers in my fingers that I can't pull out,
maybe I should try scraping off layers of skin with tweezers,
goodbye dead cells, hello fresh meat,
damn, why are you so fresh as fuck.
ii. A whirlpool has developed beneath my chest so there goes my sense of sanity,
actually it's more like boiling water, bubbling, spewing out passed my eyes,
and all I've been asking for is for you to either take me or let me go,
let's be honest, I could try to say I am over this whole thing
but I'm not and I don't even want to be.
iii. So let's forget the world,
get lost in each others skin,
tracing ribs like jail bars,
running hands over heartbeats,
brushing lips with lonely aches.
i want you because i shouldn't want you at alli want you like i want succulent strawberries dripping over a white lacy dress,i want you because i shouldn't want you at all in Free Verse More Like This
i want you like i want complete silence on a sweltering august night,
i want you like it's dead rats melting over hot gutters and then it's your hot guts on my body.
i want you and your collarbones tied to my strings of saliva,
i want you smelling like you're some wild wolverine with incisors as sharp as rose petals,
i want you broken and bleeding just so i can nourish your wounds.
i want you dangerously close and always so,
i want you angry as you are passionate,
i want you in ways i don't even understand.
let your wildfire run freei. It's a warm kind of rain and a growling kind of thunder,let your wildfire run free in Free Verse More Like This
throaty and crackling booms,
I've dreamt of this place before,
there's this room made up of tall glass windows,
outside is a wrap around balcony made up of stone with high ledges,
small fir trees grow in between the crackled rock
and I'm breathing slow, soaking in the sky's sweat.
ii. Perspiring and porous clouds melt over this broken land
and I'm realizing this place lives only inside my soul when sleeping.
iii. It is a hazy painting running over the contours of my unconscious mind,
it is airbrushed afterthoughts swirling with watercolor wishes,
it is the place where my nightmares breed and my hopes climb trees,
it is the place where intuition ricochets off instinct,
it is the place that says burn the place down and let your wildfire run free.
Tenderi amTender in Free Verse More Like This
a taxidermy fawn,
existing yet comatose,
my soul flickers within a lantern,
releasing a smoke with the scent of
pheromones and vanilla verbena,
but your necromantic whispers
linger in my ears,
so sweet and succulent as peaches,
give me breath,
filling my lungs upon a full moon,
oh i'd so like to take a bite of you,
you and your jungle bred lips,
tropical to taste,
organic to kiss,
jaguar, leopard spots
cover your skin
in patterns painted by the forest,
then a low, throaty growl
slips from your jaw,
haunting me like a past mistake,
but you are wild bamboo
and the sound of my heart beating,
palpitating against soft winters,
pulsing with the rhythm of summer,
for some reason you suit me
in all seasons,
and like gravity
you hold me
so no, i cannot escape you,
for no one can bypass
an autumnal equinox
or an eclipse of the sun,
you only continue to
kindle the flames
you used my wooden ribs to make
and i truly love
that searing sensation in my gut,
i am october's love letter to novemberhopeful,i am october's love letter to november in Free Verse More Like This
so the same and stretched out like skin over bone,
but different because one means everything and
one takes everything away.
i am not used to this kind of way,
the way where scratches don't heal and bruises grow bigger.
i try to focus on the bass and let the music pulse through me,
allow it to remove the nerve endings to my thoughts
because i want hair that's made up of bass clefs and double stops.
i want the world to come crashing down at my feet
so the ocean fuses with the burning salmon sun-drops that are molding under the collapsing sky.
it will look like citrus fruit bleeding onto royal blue flowing skirts,
it will taste like a cold copper penny,
it will smell like ripe coconut milk braided with kerosene,
and it will feel like you've been bathing in hummingbird nectar that's been set on fire.
then again, how would i know what music tastes like,
it's not like you can lick vocal chords or bite into someone's vibrato,
everything fluctuates and now i don't even know
cobblestones.cobblestones in Free Verse More Like This
i pulled a napkin from the silver tin,
wiped the table clear, drops of ketchup staining the center.
i crushed the paper in my palm, felt the dampness reach the edges.
hurt cloud, she said as i let it roll across the table.
shooting baskets as the day ended,
the ball went over the backboard, disappeared into the dark.
she shrugged, then bent low, picked up pebbles.
your poor hands, she said. you have so many scars,
and you're still so young. (she, younger than i, saying this)
she touched one hand, then after a pause she took the other
without looking at me.
some things take so much courage.
we sat like that for a long time,
i passed two old women by the river.
one stopped, pulled off her shoe
and shook a pebble out.
it dropped into the water
and she continued on,
from the absence dented into her foot.
the other had stopped a ways ahead.
she waited and said, a pebble?
the woman nodded. her whole life
Death and EverythingDeath is whenDeath and Everything in Free Verse More Like This
lies behind you.
If you feel
you have arrived at
you need only
StrandThe moon pullsStrand in Free Verse More Like This
stray denim threads
from the fraying
I watch the tide
go in and out
remembering how I used to
take a few of your hairs
between my fingers
when you weren't looking
and pinch as hard as I could
as if I were killing a spider
or fastening a snap
I would squeeze
sighi wish the whole worldsigh in Free Verse More Like This
a quiet place
beneath some pines
with nowhere else to be
for a while.
Left at the bari.Left at the bar in Free Verse More Like This
a man's plain
against a glass
with two fingers of scotch
a narrow damp worm
swells and distends by slowly
drinking from a nearby
a tumbler's heavy footprint.
a pale green hair-tie
lies wedged between a chair leg
and the wall,
pinched into a figure-eight.
a girl wore it around her wrist
like a bracelet,
her hair down.
the elastic scar on the skin
where she wore it
has probably faded
Waxy moonLight a candleWaxy moon in Free Verse More Like This
for every tragedy
and the world
and the rain came downwith your abandon,and the rain came down in Free Verse More Like This
you became fierce
to write badlyis to writeto write badly in Free Verse More Like This
as if the wars being waged
were already over
biopsyput me under, cover my face, stuff my lungs with your chemical lies.biopsy in Free Verse More Like This
if they were to take me apart,
slice open my chest,
peel back the skin keeping me whole,
they would find:
a. one heart, slowly ticking.
(they would not find anything,
but they would have to say they did.
after all, girls can't live without a heart.
they forget that i'm not the first:
a score of girls walking even though
they should have faded long ago.)
b. each rib curved so perfectly,
a shield around my lungs.
(a cage, keeping my breath from bursting
out of my skin. know that this is just me,
held together by nature,
unable to lose control of myself.)
c. two sacs of cells, nestled beside each other.
(no first-hand smoke here, no sir.
only second-hand dust, only
things i could not get rid of,
only bits of places i've been,
caught in my body.
postcards of memories i can't see.)
d. a skeleton, still and alive.
(sleeping, with blood cells being produced
in the hollows of my curves.
the rattling of my bones cannot
ten reasons whyone.ten reasons why in Free Verse More Like This
the first time she kissed you.
that sock you found, the one that didn't belong to you.
i love you. i love you. i love you.
(don't leave me, don't leave me, don't leave me.)
soak me in sin. if it means i'll be yours.
give me everything i've given up for you.
i've lost myself in your eyes.
the time she promised forever.
the time she took it back.
the ring that was supposed to be hers.
now it just sits in your drawer.
if you come back, i won't be here.
i'm sorry. i can't be yours anymore.
monster dreamsas she climbs, she swears,monster dreams in Free Verse More Like This
her children will never fight this monster.
darling, there's nothing under the bed.
(mommy would know, mommy fought them all years ago.)
don't fret dear,
momma's a warrior, and momma's
going to keep you safe.
there were padlocks on
to keep momma from leaving
her mind behind.
once upon a time,
the stories start, but don't forget,
once upon a time, was never
all that long ago.
momma fell a long time ago,
these are the scars from the cuts,
don't worry, it didn't hurt.
(actually, mommy didn't get them from falling,
she got them from climbing deeper,
and it did hurt, it hurt and mommy knew
she was alive.)
as she climbs, she swears,
she's fighting for her children's freedom.
(because really, she doesn't care for herself.)
meltingshe spilled across her bed,melting in Free Verse More Like This
an oil-spill of excuses why.
they promised they would mop her up,
but how could she possibly believe them
when none of them could see the
oil that dripped out of her?
they were all blind to
the stain eating her up,
polluting her insides.
the pain, the ache,
the never ending cycle of
pretending she was okay.
if only to prevent a national
losing heighti want to tell you my stories,losing height in Free Verse More Like This
because i have nothing else to offer.
from moment one
she spread her wings
knowing that the ground
would never touch her
as long as she lived
she didn't understand
that she could not live
without a heart
she didn't understand
that the sky had no hold
but the ground would chain her
she didn't understand
that life was not that easy
we ran awayyou braided honeysuckle into my hair and kissed my nose and took the wheel,we ran away in Free Verse More Like This
letting miles and fields and forests dissolve in the haze of hot tarmac.
then we crashed into disaster, and i realized that we're not living
no, we're waiting:
for the day we'll soar high above this all
to a place where we don't need to run far (far) away.
with flowers in our hair, and desperation in our eyes,
we ran away into the night, feeling the chains fall away
( from our broken, broken shoulders )
i could feel your bones under my fingertips and i could feel your pain
as we left the only home we ever had, in favor of nothingness.
nothing would be worth it if i spent it with you,
but it would be worth nothing if you did not want to leave everything.
run away with me, into the night, as if we
were just actors upon a movie screen:
two star-crossed lovers, who abandoned their families,
to be with each other.
( and then in the end,
we'll crash, we'll burn, and it would
not have been worth it
kiss and tellthree.kiss and tell in Free Verse More Like This
you were always alone
i always wanted to save you
from the demons of the night
she had stars in her eyes
but never any sense in her mind
i was her voice of reason
but she always made the same mistakes
i would watch as you
sank deeper in and i wished
that i could fish you out
her hands were tied
by absolutely nothing
and her heart seized by love
but she never understood how to control it
baby girl, please don't leave
let me protect you until forever
i don't want you to die
nothing could make her realize
that she already had all her angels
but she just did not know how to see
baby girl remember,
never, ever kiss and tell
gone is foreverin the days aftergone is forever in Free Verse More Like This
i thought i could
bring her back
if i wished hard enough
but it's not true.
even if the sky
opened up and
heaven fell to live
among us mere mortals
no one can
bring her back
into my life
because she's gone
and gone is forever
i cannot love youi cannot date you boyi cannot love you in Free Verse More Like This
because i know not
what it is like to have a
the world in which i could
maybe possibly love you
i know nothing of
it would mean that he
never broke my heart
and that i knew how to
love without fearing
and to trust those
i call my friends
it would be a world
in which my eyes were stars
and my words candy
and i would not
be always afraid of
f a l l i n g
multi-facetedreality is multi-faceted,multi-faceted in Free Verse More Like This
but what happens when you
cannot see depth?
( once bitten, twice shy,
i swear that i do not want to play games
where there are lies sprung from
the lips of the one i love )
reality is multi-faceted,
i do not want to trust
- especially not what i do not see
i do not want to fall again
i do not want to get caught up
in this world where
nothing is certain nothing is real everything is double-sided
false hopes ]
MusingI'm too young to spend my lifeMusing in Free Verse More Like This
running from the thunder,
staring at the kitchen walls wondering
how life would be different
if they weren't the same color.
ShiverYou take twelve steps;Shiver in Free Verse More Like This
the thirteenth becomes a spiderweb.
Its voice cracks out through the winter,
A death rattle.
If you pivot towards the shore,
it'd witness nothing more than
the hopeless groan that leaves your throat
when you recognize futility.
Remember what your father said--
about laying down on ice
like you were a sheet.
He neglected to mention
how frigid the bed.
A beat--you start to move,
trembling like the skeleton trees.
How evil the water leers.
Each moment a torment
as you slowly kneel,
the fire in your knees giving way
like your footing.
Your breath comes short
in smoke-signal gasps
and for all the warmth inside your coat,
its heat is worthless when wet.
How curious the light
when filtered thus--
through water and ice
like cathedral casements.
The blue is like your sister's eyes
and you wonder
if they'll be as wet as you
when you are pulled back out.
Drowning seems slower
when the water's cold.
Then again, you've never died before
Girl, Reincarnated.Perhaps in a past life you were made of ink,Girl, Reincarnated. in Free Verse More Like This
your eyes speckled like blotting paper,
complexion smooth as parchment.
And maybe your voice was storm cloud rolling
because I see your words
and they fill my heart with rain,
not the heavy kind that revels
in punching holes in butterfly wings but rather
the mist that paints the dew and
leaves the sky beautifully grey.
At the very least your soul was a mourning dove,
as there's a lilting sorrow in your words
that the air carries like a melody,
were I to speak them aloud
I would sing, hoping that my voice wouldn't shake
with your weeping.
Graduate III think they give us black robesGraduate II in Free Verse More Like This
and academia's sake,
but sometimes I believe
it's more about mourning
the end of carelessness
before we are tackled
Somewhere on the Atlantic HorizonFind me a skipping stone,Somewhere on the Atlantic Horizon in Free Verse More Like This
smooth as last night's words.
I'll pray that it finds its way across the water
to wherever you think you are.
And if it sinks with my spirit,
I hope it falls down slowly,
landing at the bottom
like a dreamer.
I will wait,
growing older at the shore
until it finds my fingers again.
FacelessI have photographed this trail,Faceless in Free Verse More Like This
from its matchbox beginning
to the church it burned down
and when faced with the unholy trinity
in the center of my chest...
I am overwhelmed.
I want to leave tear stains on his shirt
but when I look to his face for comfort,
it has changed.
I am disillusioned...
for years love had a visage,
and now it's blank
My father once told me
the heart's a bandit.
He never mentioned
it wore different masks.
Under the WeatherMy soul feels waterlogged today,Under the Weather in Free Verse More Like This
and my hands aren't strong enough
to wring it out.
I need to walk in the wind
under the noontime warmth,
but it's cold outside
I guess today I have to
play the role of the overcast sky
and hang low until graced with the sun.
Re-KindlingShe held the moment in her lungs.Re-Kindling in Free Verse More Like This
It lingered in the air
like a spiderweb strand;
she could feel its presence
more than see it.
She meditated on the human condition,
one hand on her chest like a prayer.
Hopeless was her heart two minutes ago,
now faithful in its hummingbird thrum.
"Ah," it whispered in her ear,
"you do remember love."
I Drink to the ShatteredHere's to the half-hopes,I Drink to the Shattered in Free Verse More Like This
who lie shallow in their graves,
comatose, their pulse forgotten.
And here's to unrequited love;
impossible thoughts between heartbeats,
the burning pang that follows.
A nod to the empty dreams,
their ankles hobbled, improperly set.
They walk nowhere.
Silence to commemorate the lost cause;
That never leave the womb.
To the broken and sleepless,
inane and insane,
the clueless, the lonely,
the outcasts forgotten,
to you I raise my glass.
how to pay the plumberthe sun is born of ink that leaks from dog-eared galaxieshow to pay the plumber in Free Verse More Like This
and the night is made of copper eyes that pipe the constellations
but we are too polite to stare.
any hand that may brush my back must bleed the alphabet
from wearied fingertips, and this is why:
happiness is ice and crinkled bones all wrapped up warm in the
childless rings of saturn
and your smiling face-of-a-cliff that scorches pretty spring skin dry.
we will never say we will never love so
i will die beside,
you die below.
a snap of bellsa.a snap of bells in Free Verse More Like This
i have never brushed the soft skin of Genesis
i have not.
but i know that wild horses roam the space
between extremities, that is why i sleep with eyes
closed, so i am not without
oh, i am not within.
does summer wonder the touch of frost,
does it feel the flake of blossoms as springtime peels away
or do my eyes deceive
do you think its smile is as soft as its skies
she does not step she does not see
i do not taste
the silver synapse clapsed between our vertebrae
but darling i feel it itch
can you see me now can you
tell i am under
don't stumble away without me i do not know what
i will do.
i am cinnamon in a windstorm or
amber ash in the glass of patriots
some say you are gone too soon, i s
daedalusi. we are like birds,daedalus in Free Verse More Like This
birds without the wings
but with the song.
(icarus did not want for wings)
We did not want for chains we did not
want to flee
(he did not want to fall
I am without fear, and you are without blood,
and we could never hope to scratch the sun,
but perhaps we might endeaver to suspend it.
it's the hollow beat of bones on drums
it's a steady throb of pins on thumbs
it's a simple truth that
nobody wants to fly
ii. but they do.
unzippedi.unzipped in Free Verse More Like This
it was all skinned knees
and stop signs between us.
we pushed too hard
or not hard enough.
the last star i wished upon
turned out to be a satellite,
and the last time i kissed you
really wasn't the last time.
the scent of romance- pine needles
and sawdust clung to my shoulders
where your fingers left goose flesh
when i least expected it.
i'd be tangled up in you and bed sheets
if i didn't know you better than that,
[sweetheart,] you're thunderstorms on
Saturday nights and "Why don't you stay
for awhile"'s and the infidelities
that line my cheeks.
04.10chapter one:04.10 in Free Verse More Like This
leave the boy and
don't look back
"but you do, sweetheart."
(there's no room for
second guesses here.)
spanish music and rough russian accents
those fruity pink drinks were the death
of chapter two, the green ones will do for the night
"he didn't trust me-"
(among other things)
"-so i took away his need to."
memories make people.i am six. "are you okay?"memories make people. in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
i nod at the police officer,
as another escorts my dad out the door.
i am eight. the day's mail
sits on the dining room table. mom's
arguing. the person on the other end shares my last name.
i am a little past three
mom says it's alright for you
to call him dad, do i do.
i am thirteen when someone asks
why don't you call him dad?
"he wasn't there, someone else was." i tell them.
i am ten when mom
tells dad not to come back.
this time, i don't ask her to let him.
i am eleven when i go visit grandparents i never knew.
"she looks just like you"
"she's my daughter"
i am five and it's christmas day.
"she won't get hurt, relax." dad's drunk.
i crashed that three-wheeler into the clothesline.
i am seven, sitting at a lunch table by myself. mom's late
to pick me up from ballet. it's dark when she gets there.
she smiles, but i can see the bruises forming.
i am four when i first see
my dad raise his hand
and the mark he left on my mother.
i am fourteen when i stop visit
finalityreincarnation [of] [a] fling,finality in Free Verse More Like This
he said he would paint a world-
a big, neon, flashing sign that says
[that] [it's] lines in the sand,
waking, wishing, waiting
swollen dents, fireflies pray
[it's] why stars don't sleep
for this sinking heart
(but i thought it got better)
trick [me]bruised blue eyes and snow skintrick [me] in Free Verse More Like This
storm winds blowing over (and over and over)
roses blooming redredred
unhindered by rain
"Just give me a moment, sweetheart"
the tear of soft skin marking a deadline-
i can't write sestinas, and i swear to god if you call me sweetheart
i'll melt, and not the stone cold melting into feeling sort of way, but
metal into red hot liquid that will take away everything, layer by layer
without so much as flinching (but don't worry, you'll flinch. i'll make sure
of that, and so much more.) trick me, i dare you to show me something
i'll never be able to name, never seen before. nineteen minutes and
counting (one, two, six, twelve), and i'm already a bottle down
(the drain) tonight, it's a hard burden, to love you--
love's such a strong word, though, and i've never really cared
for (you) it. but where was i, something about melting-
smothering everything in reach, petty problems that are
the norm for no one but me. funny how that seems to apply
to a lot more
AA 29wishes are like raindrops,AA 29 in Free Verse More Like This
they have absolutely horrible aim
most days and i wonder if
we're just made of glass
and the rain can't see us
until they smack us in the face.
the broken patterns in my head
are never what they seem,
you were never really poetic,
love was just love and
a cigar is just a cigar
and the next time we fight,
because we always do,
you may leave my heart out of things,
but that doesn't really matter to you.
i could never snap my fingers,
or make poetry look like anything less
than a pile of blender rejected pieces.
you remind me of someone beautiful,
and conversations i used to have with a girl
named allison, she said that love is an understatement,
and just because you can hate everything
doesn't mean you should
now her words echo in my head sometimes,
and all i end up with is hate-love relationships-
you always loved metaphors like that, right?
AA 26when i grow up,AA 26 in Free Verse More Like This
not everything will be beautiful.
we, us, you and me, they won't be simple terms
but more like impossible math problems where
x= you and y= me,
z is all the times i have to derail a train
of thought, m is the number of times
i wish you were my last first kiss
and we'll throw n in there as that one
variable we don't fucking know
that keeps us from equaling us.
we'll end up making a very dangerous alphabet soup,
but leave out the vowels, they always tasted rather bitter
when we were children and i doubt that will change
in any future. i'll tell you a secret,
happiness can be a rather deceptive bitch,
especially when we become math problems,
statistics, numbers. but secrets, they fall
on deaf ears because you never listen,
and you never change
so i'll just sit here and paint my toes
various bright colors you always hated
while you learn the names of girls in movies
and business management, but don't worr
xanthippeI. rainy days, shaking foundations ofxanthippe in Free Verse More Like This
human anatomy & deconstructing
the many paths to illusion written in bone
& muscle, sheer cold making both (of us)
quake -ache for sunlight, warm(er)
days & warm(ing) smiles.
there was a rush of thought, a rush of
heat lining my cheeks at your smile, something
like a proposition rolled from your touch &
fell from your lips & we caught fire. (again)
& just for a moment nothing had changed
(but everything does) & i have to remember
to breathe because oxygen is important & i
have a bad habit of forgetting small facts like that
& how (un)well we seem to get along &
damn you, this is all your fault.
II. through the clouds, i discovered India,
trying to erase the taste of copper pennies
from her lips and her memories; wild berries
crushed on pale fingertips ghosting over
untouchable wisps, capturing everything
better forgotten and dotting the horizon.
i take the window seat in silence,
watching colors fade from my grasp
& darkness mingles with exhaust(i
marchif a lie is repeated enough times,march in Free Verse More Like This
will you believe it? (i whisper
truths to things that can't talk &
bury the emotions i refuse to have
in the metal i wear.)
(what you can't hear can't hurt me,
and what i think can't hurt you if
i don't give it the wings to fly to you,
or at least that's what i tell
myself to keep everything 'okay')
(sometimes i think you go
by the same logic.)
compositionshe fell in love with words, never people-composition in Free Verse More Like This
people breathe and run and can cut her to the bone;
they're dangerous, deadly, violent,
but it was people that she knew best.
i am made of little, brittle bird bones and shattering skies,
i've got the skin of snakes, of wilting flowers,
of broken mirrors without the shine,
i'm trying to be a bit more honest,
but it's not like you can tell the difference between
my endless melodies and the vindictive, cutting words
that roll from my mouth-
they're not that much different.
a drug or choosingYour oily prints upon my eyesa drug or choosing in Free Verse More Like This
Blessed art thou
You bleed through the cracks in my walls
Eyes, pores in every centimeter of wallpaper
Watching me sleep, watching my night-mare
The horse running from the fire-like river
Pouring down the mountain to the plains below
Engulfing my atmosphere in golden red smoke
I am not addicted
puckerYou are a peachpucker in Free Verse More Like This
Pulsing like swollen stars
Ready to erupt
In white, puckered and deep
Sweet sweat like warm summer
If I climb the mountains and trace the line
Can I bury my lips in you,
Dig for the howl that calls in the north,
And lap up the night's hidden moon?
evergreenUnder the cedar boughs forming scars against the skyevergreen in Free Verse More Like This
I found them: brilliant, ghost-like, humble creatures
Timid like the greying clouds fearful of weeping
Drinking from a hollow in the evergreen
They scattered as they saw me
Leaving a lone shade lying decimated in the earthly compost
Fading like sand pulled flat by the tide
I knew this was how they would come to their end
The waning gibbous cannot guide them home
As there is no return for those forgotten
So they rest and worship the dark crescent cup until she fills again
Thirsting for the stagnant puddles of the evergreen
Sirenum scopulimy bed hangs like cliffsSirenum scopuli in Free Verse More Like This
sharp edges under tide
two pearls, golden lined
on black, she sings me home
raptured, like gnosis
faded on wine
BirthUntil the ovum opened like ghost skin,Birth in Free Verse More Like This
Pooled like the ocean
And poured from my mouth.
I wasn’t aware of how god-like
We sinners could easily be.
I take you inYour hip bones stand like shrines that could hold foreverI take you in in Free Verse More Like This
A candle in their shadow to illuminate pleading eyes
Plant the seed in my chest and let it crown in my throat
Blossoms of desperate breaths and blithe carnality
they can't be takentheir bleach skin caught my eyethey can't be taken in Free Verse More Like This
albino white against the wild
hair like bright sky electric in the briars
haloed sister gods shot down like fawn
milkWith fire, they carve incantations upon my crownmilk in Free Verse More Like This
Speaking words that whisper loud
my veins feel like wires spitting currents like waves crashing
skull against rock, as the birds above fall like stars
the beat of the drum dances to ecstasy's whipping tongue
skyclad to take the milk of heaven in
when the eye opens, like the sky,
it too shall cough up milk
to feed the covetous teeth that crawl up our spines
the wyrms of gods past and those still to arrive
bedIt's a stabbing sightbed in Free Verse More Like This
Letting in the morning with a crack of the shades
And you forget you could page-turn horizons
Waft through free territory
Where acres are just beds
Made of fresh land
Wrinkles in the river
Tell remembered times
About old languages that could make you cry
About soft beds that carve away canyons
A speaking voice lifted from the earth
Begging you to remember
IcarusFledgling of theIcarus in Free Verse More Like This
(dawn is quiet
when the noose is
GhostsNight time musings;Ghosts in Free Verse More Like This
hollow-eyed and shallow-breathed,
filling the spaces between clouds.
Quivering shadow skin
And there are voices in the dark,
lost sighs and weight upon whisper;
but, we are all whispers here.
Fever DreamsHush now,Fever Dreams in Free Verse More Like This
and close your eyes
against this vermillion sunset.
You feel so much, too much:
leave crescent moons on my skin,
calm the anguished crimson heat
of your own burning heart.
This war shall end, my love;
but what will you be,
if not red?
MelpomeneHear her sing of sun-kissed,Melpomene in Free Verse More Like This
heavy-lidded tragedies that roll
off her tongue as sweetly as
sugared violets and as naturally
as nightfall; but bruise the lungs
of those who breathe them in.
She is no poet's muse, but
these summer-drunk revellers
will never know better.
LiliyaBright-eyed,Liliya in Free Verse More Like This
mistress of light.
1,001 NightsIn a land of1,001 Nights in Free Verse More Like This
dreams and dust:
the curve of
a half-hazed sun,
FableMoon cloaksFable in Free Verse More Like This
(and you are)
left clad in only
the softest of
SimbelmyneThere is silence here, uponSimbelmyne in Free Verse More Like This
stale skull tombs
these everminds are stilling...
(And yet their tragedies
shall endure in the pallor of the
flowers in your hands.)