Adventures of Dahvie Vanity P1Adventures of Dahvie Vanity P1 in Profiles More Like This
One day Dahvie Vanity woke up in his house and
looked next to him. "OH MY GOD what is Jayy Von Monroe
doing in my bed?!" Dahvie thought to himself. Awkward
So Dahvie got out of bed and got dressed. "Why am I
naked" thought Dahvie. Then he went to the kitchen
and got himself some cereal. Which he ate in his
living room while watching tv.
Half an hour later, Jayy woke up.
"So what happened last night?" Dahvie says to Jayy
as he's getting his cereal.
"Umm, well I don't know but it was fun. Because we
got drunk." Jayy explains to Dahvie.
"Well that explains a lot" Dahvie grumbles.
Jayy grabs his cereal and sit across the couch
from Dahvie. They eat in silence watching watching tv.
Dahvie finihes his cereal.
"Well,I guess I'll go take a shower now." Dahvie says
over his shoulder at Jayy.
After Dahvie showered he stood in his washroom,
then got dressed. He looked around his washroom
and got out his blow-dryer. Then he dries and brushes
"Where's my hair straightner? Damn it
Adventures of Dahvie Vanity P4Adventures of Dahvie Vanity P4 in Profiles More Like This
So we left of at Dahvie and Jayy at The Cool Cats Bar
where Dahvie met a girl named Shelly.
"Do you want to come home with me?" Dahvie asks
"Not drunk enough,but yeah sure lets go"
"Okay. Who's driving?"
"If you ask like that, we're taking a cab."
So Shelly and Dahvie waved down a cab and went back to
So after a couple more drinks, well, "things" started
*20 minutes later*:
"Want some more?"
"YES!" Shelly yells
"Woah, I meant alcohol."
"That too" Winks at Dahvie
"Oh, um, I'll go get the alcohol." Dahvie walks away
to find it.....Comes back with glasses.
"For you" hands Shelly a glass "And lets continue
what we were doing"
*5-ish minutes later*:
Jayy walks into Dahvie's house.
"Hey Dahvie I'm- oh dear god not again"
Dahvie and Shelly take no notice in Jayy and are
still 'doing it'.
"Oh, hi Jayy. This is Shelly." *motions to girl underneath
him* "And Shelly this is Jayy."
"Uh, I have to go. I just remembered to, uh,
feed my cat" says Shelly as she's
Adventures of Dahvie Vanity P2Adventures of Dahvie Vanity P2 in Profiles More Like This
So we left off at Jayy and Dahvie about to leave
to get Dahvie's hair stuff and make-up. Because his
"Need my keys or we'll take your car" Dahvie
"We drove last night? I thought we took a cab?"
"My car it is"
They put their shoes on and left to Dahvie's car.
Jayy happily took Dahvie's keys, unlocked the
car and got in and of course started driving.
"Turn over here. I need to get some of that money."
So they went to the bank and Dahvie took out 255
Then they went to Target where Dahvie got
some guy-liner and guy-shadow. When they were
walking to the counter they got harassed by a
group of girls. Jayy and Dahvie talked to them a
bit then signed some autographs.
After they paid and left (tailed by fan-girl stalkers)
they got in the car and drove to Wal-Mart/
"Man, I hope they some good straighteners and
"Me, too. I just don't want to drive around all day."
"Chill, Jayy. It's only 1:30PM. We've got tons of
Adventures of Dahvie Vanity P5Adventures of Dahvie Vanity P5 in Profiles More Like This
So we left off at Jayy riding Dahvie like a horse
after Shelly left Dahvie's house.
"I hate my life" says Dahvie underneath Jayy.
"Shuddup horsie" Jayy says on Dahvie's back.
"That's more like it,giddy up!!"
Dahvie sighs, crossly.
On the other hand; Jayy was having lots of fun riding
*An hour later*:
"Time for the second shower of the day I guess"
"Can I come too."
"Um, Jayy didn't you have enough fun with me?"
"No" Jayy says in a suggestively sexy voice.
Dahvie goes into the washroom and takes a shower.
"I hope Jayy doesn't walk in" thought Dahvie out loud.
After Dahvie showered Jayy left and made plans to hang-
out tomorrow, and get breakfast at Starbucks. Dahvie
watched tv for a bit then got bored and finally went to
The next morning when he woke up and went to
meet Jayy at iHop.
"Had fun last night?" he asks in a bitter voice.
"Yes tons and you?"
"I was with Shelly then you came along..."
Oh my god, Shelly. Didn't know you
Adventures of Dahvie Vanity P6Adventures of Dahvie Vanity P6 in Profiles More Like This
So we left off at Jayy flirting with the Starbucks
guy and Dahvie being all awkward.
"I said I wanted youtocuminmy latte" Jayy smiles.
"Is this right, you want me to cum in your
latte?" guy working all weirded out by his
"Uh, I just wanted my iced frappaino" Dahvie
starts almost crying.
"Dude chill I got this." Jayy whispers to him.
"Sigh, I'll go hit on chicks or something."
"So, how about that coffee?" Jayy flirtously asks.
"Wanna get diner some time?"
"By the way, I'm Jayy Von Monroe"
"Here's my number, call me sometime Johm."
"Oh here's your friends coffee and a latte for
"Thanks" Winks and goes to find Dahvie.
"Here's your frappacino, wanna go now?"
So they walked out of Starbucks happily (Jayy)
and drinking their coffee.
"So what's his name?"
"You gonna leave me alone now that you have a boyfriend?"
"Maybe.." Winks at Dahvie
"Ugh. Why me?"
"Giddy up, horsie" Smacks Dahvie's ass.
"I hate my f---ing life"
"I hate you too sometimes"
Adventures of DahvieVanity P14Adventures of DahvieVanity P14 in Profiles More Like This
So we left off at Jayy, Johm and Dahvie's about to do
some sexy things at Jayy's.
"Okay sure" Dahvie sighs.
"Let's goooooooooooooooo" Jayy practically sings while pulling
Dahvie off the couch.
They get to Jayy's house.
"Sit here with Johm. Drink a bit, I don't know.I'll
be back" Jayy skips down the hallway.
Dahvie grabs a bottle and drinks from it.
"So Dahvie, do you know what Jayy's newly-born
fanasty is? Did he tell you?" asks Johm.
"Nope, no idea. He tell you?"
"I wonder. Oh here, you drink?" extends arm to offer
"I'm fine but...." takes a swig and puts on table.
Jayy comes back down to the hallway. And hides around
"Heard about a shooting down around here." comes
around corner IN A SEXY POLICEMAN COSTUME!
"What shooting? Oh dear god not another costume how man
do you have?" Dahvie's all disgusted.
"The shooting in your pants and I have many many costumes"
Oh dear god!"
"Let's get this party started!"
"OMG! Threesome time!" Johm says.
"Sexy threesome" Jayy
Adventures of DahvieVanity P12Adventures of DahvieVanity P12 in Profiles More Like This
So we left off at Dahvie deciding to be a
asshole and walk in on Jayy and Johm.
Dahvie walks into the lving room.
"Dahvie! Get out!" Jayy says while Johm is bent over the
"You interrupted me and Shelly. Why can't I interrupt
"This is different."
"How so, Jayy?"
"F--- me already." Johm says eagerly to Jayy.
"Speaking of Shelly. We hooked up again. Without
interruptions." Pointed glare at jayy while casually
leaning against kitchen counter.
"I don't care. Can we get back to what we, as in Johm
and I,were doing? Unless you want to join?"
"Dude ew. I don't like dick. Unless it's my own, of
"Of course that's so like you."
"Where's your food man?" Dahvie says as hes looking
in Jayy's fridge.
"I knew we should of done this at my house!"
"Yeah really, Johm. And what kind of food are you
"I just want some god-damn cookies. GOD DAMNIT"
"I don't have any f---ing cookies."
"Dude just f--- me." Johm says getting bored.
"Dahvie leave unless you want to see some of
Adventures of DahvieVanity P13Adventures of DahvieVanity P13 in Profiles More Like This
So we left off at Dahvie looking for milk at
the grocery store for his cookies.
Puts cookies in shopping basket and goes to look for
milk. So he walks over to the dairy section.
"This is yogurt, not milk" he thinks to
himself after picking up a thing of yogurt.
"Oh my gosh! Chocolate or regular milk?" Picks up
"Oh what the f--- it's soy milk." Walks a few steps
and picks up another carton. "Almond.....milk HOW THE
F--- DO ALMONDS MAKE MILK?!" Dahvie
People stare at him. Mothers with their children
look offended. A vegan smacks him.
Gets average chocolate milk made by cows. Puts beside
cookies in shopping basket.
Pays then leaves offended.
"Finally I get my cookies and milk. All with minimal
injury. Damn vegans."
Sits on the counter eating cookies and drinking his chocolate
"I wonder if America's Next Top Model is still on."
walks over to tv and picks up remote.
Starts searching through the channels.
"Say Yes to the Dress is on. OMG it's a m
Adventures of DahvieVanity P10Adventures of DahvieVanity P10 in Profiles More Like This
So we left off at Jayy leaving Dahvie's house through
the gate connecting their backyards.
Jayy walks out backdoor to his house.
"Stupid no good pirate f---ing..." Dahvie mutters
to himself while watching Americas Next Top
Model. Just because you know your cool when
you watch that show and your a guy.
5 minutes later....
"She's ugly....Decent.....DAMN YOUR UGLY...I'd tap
that...WHAT THE F--- IS SHE WEARING?!...Her too....
I think I've seen her before......I hate those
designer people" And so on Dahvie ranted/yelled
while watching Americas Next Top Model.
"Screw this I'm going for a walk"
So Dahvie gets three houses down from
"What the- Hi Shelly. I didn't know you-"
"Want some lunch?"
"Yeah okay then but it's-"
"2:30 yeah I know, let's say a snack then"
So Dahvie goes in Shelly's house.
"What the hell are you my grandma or I am like
"I love your laugh, it's beautiful"
"Thanks" Grabs a cookie and looks a
Adventures of DahvieVanity P11Adventures of DahvieVanity P11 in Profiles More Like This
So we left off at Dahvie getting playful with
"I'm like a speedy cheetah." Catches her and pins
her against the wall.
"And what, I'm just your helpless prey?"
Starts hungrily kissing and tugging at each others
*30 minutes later*:
Dahvie gets off Shelly.
"Why are we on the floor?"
"I don't know. But I have't had enough"
So they keep going at it.
*15 minutes ago*:
Shelly gets off Dahvie.
"Now I've had enough"
"I thought we were going to have milk and cookies.....
But this was good too" Winks at her.
"Damn it I left the milk out" They go to get dressed.
"I gotta go"
"Don't go. What about some cookies?"
"No I can't" Mock dramatic "But they good"
"So I guess your going then, Dahvie?"
"Yeah sorry" Puts shoes on "Bye"
"I do't have your number"
"Oh here" Writes it down and hands it to her.
Walks out of her house.
Gets to his.
"I'll be seeing more of her. She's good. I just can't believe
I said no to cookies"
Gets out little black book and writes Shelly