I Said ItThe words flew out,I Said It in Free Verse More Like This
after years of denial,
repression and prayer.
A warm chill consumed my person,
as much as a contradiction as I feel.
I gasped at what I had done.
Why did I do it?
Why did I tell HIM??
Why am I even asking these questions?
For the first time in years,
I feel good.
I want to shout it from the top of this little town
and yet I feel more repressed than ever.
I realize the consequences of my actions,
of my words.
EpiphanyI'm pointlessly sitting in the bitter windEpiphany in Free Verse More Like This
goosebumps all over
thinking to myself
it would be worth it
if i was keeping him warm.
RememberingThe worst part is remembering.Remembering in Free Verse More Like This
Remembering the feel of his shirt,
the sound of his laugh,
the roll of his eyes when Michelle Bachman opens her mouth,
the security of his embrace,
the warmth of his unique love,
the fact that he misses me too.
That's the killer.
Third ChildThird child, feels like a mistake.Third Child in Free Verse More Like This
Parents care more about boxed wine,
than the gold star on the fridge.
Choir concerts, unattended.
Try to fill the void with rebellion.
Desperate to hear those coveted words from
Lays in a different stranger's apartment every night,
cries in vain,
Needs a daddy.
Broken PeopleI see them. I see them every day.Broken People in Free Verse More Like This
They walk past me, I see their eyes,
cold windows into a troubled soul.
I see them, they try to hide their pain from the world.
Their complacent façade
attempts to cloak their past
Pain and depression
only prolong the suffering.
Scars don't heal scars,
why do they inflict them?
All they need is a friend,
to talk to them,
to listen to them.
I see the broken people
and I do nothing
Midnight Ravings of Love and LossI feel nothing.Midnight Ravings of Love and Loss in Free Verse More Like This
I have no reason to go to sleep in the evening,
I have no reason to get up in the morning.
He did this.
He changed me.
He was at the center of the best moment of my young life
and when everything I knew came crashing down, with him to blame
he helped me rebuild.
His soft voice and vulgar humor sustained me.
His eyes, his hair, his body seduced me.
His laugh, his mere existence brought me happiness
I owe him everything.
He changed me.
He was my reason to go to sleep in the evening,
He was the reason to get up in the morning.
He was my world.
He forced me to feel
He made me feel love
Even if it was all one sided,
he made me feel.
I'm sure I'll miss those feelings
I know I'll miss him.
But, right now, I can't tell.
I feel nothing.
I TriedI did my damnedest to forgetI Tried in Free Verse More Like This
about the way he made me feel.
That, uh-holy amalgamation of
sickness and happiness
I had come to call
I tried so hard,
so hard to get over
that remarkable beauty.
Those compassionate eyes,
that trim physique,
have stayed with me.
Against my will,
to love him.
Take Your Best ShotGo ahead.Take Your Best Shot in Free Verse More Like This
Call me Gay.
I don't care.
I know I'm happier
than you ever will be.
The World I Want To Live InI want to live in a world where no one has to come out. I want nobody to ever have to go through that emotional and physical torture. I want there to be no reason to come out. Because in this new world, it wouldn't matter! Nobody would care who another person loves, because it's love and none of their business!The World I Want To Live In in Emotional More Like This
I want to live in a world where no one cares. I want apathy, not acceptance. Because, there's no need for acceptance because there's no chance of rejection! There's nothing wrong with it, so rejection and persecution are logically ruled out. I don't want to hear this dialogue ever again "I'm gay." "Good for you!" Good for you? You don't hear "good for you" for being born with hazel eyes or being heterosexual. Honestly, there is no difference, stop perpetuating one! It's just like when a little kid gets hurt, you don't tell the kid they're hurt, because if you did, they would freak out. If we never recognize it as a difference, then there won't be one! Everybody is the
can you believeShe is cinnamoncan you believe in Free Verse More Like This
And a fire in darkness
She is a beating heart
And she is the wind
She is strawberries
And a bolt of lightning
She is silk and pearls
Gets me through each passing day
The world threatens to take reality from me
And she is there
To hold me
Accept LoveDon't try to tell me that who I love is wrong. Who are you to know? Who are you to judge? What do you know about love when all you are doing is promoting hate? I am confident in myself. I know I love her, and you'll never be able to take that love from me. In world full of so much hate, we must accept all love, no matter who it is between. I accept your heterosexuality, as long as you accept that who I love is a part of who I am too. I will always be this way: an outgoing, loud, lesbian, hippie-chick. And that is just the way I want it. I AM PROUD.Accept Love in Emotional More Like This
i'll love youI'll love you when you're upi'll love you in Free Verse More Like This
When you're down
When you hate me
When you can't remember my name
When you lose yourself
When you can't hold onto reality
I'll be there
To put you back together, bit by bit
HersYou used to say my nameHers in Free Verse More Like This
Now all I hear is hers
In my head
Yours and hers
Sneering faces in my dreams
I know your heart
I used to see it through your chest
And it was beautiful
Indistinct color confuses my head
And my mind is chaos
Sometimes I wishSometimes I wishSometimes I wish in Free Verse More Like This
Life was a given
And decisions weren't a burden
Sometimes I wish
That our paths were clear
And that we were told to go "here, here, and there"
Sometimes I wish
That friends could just stay friends
And that my feelings reminded purely platonic
Sometimes I wish
There were no longings for desire or affection
No rejection or affirmations
Sometimes I wish
That these thoughts of you would go away
They seems so rash and illicit
And yet sometimes I wish
I could give into this temptation
With no retributions or puzzled stares
I admit that sometimes I wish
You were secretly adorning me
The way I have with you
And it is foolish to believe
That sometimes I wish
There could be a great love between us two
GlowThese past few seasonsGlow in Free Verse More Like This
I have been sitting on a bench
Observing others and not minding myself
I have been content yes
But full no
There is something lacking
Perhaps a certain glow?
I have noticed this absence
One that I feel is constantly addressed
But what can I do?
Besides sit here and wait
The future will foretell
You must not rush this issue
It needs time to grow
For those impatient
Or longing for this glow
It can gnaw on your conscience
Turn your brain into snow
Oh this longing
I try to keep it suppressed
One cannot dwell
One those matters you cannot control
Best to keep to yourself
And watch the ongoing show
But I saw you from the comfort of my bench
Something about you compelled me
Soon you caught my attention
This pent up feeling flared
Bursted into life almost
And now you having me standing up
Moving away from such complacency
And towards the unknown
Come and walk with me
Show me your all
I care not where you come from
Or how you rise or fall
I am intrigued
Very much intereste
InnocenceI love the innocent ones. Do you know why? Of course you don't. They are breakable. Innocence is so easy to shatter, and once gone can never be reclaimed. There's a beauty about that, about being able to destroy something and never rebuild it, never the same way again. Innocence once lost, is lost forever.Innocence in Stories & Vignettes More Like This
Or is it? Can we really never reclaim the Garden of Eden? Once fallen are we forever lost?
To answer that question, you have to look at how the world is made. Good and evil, innocence and knowledge mesh together, wrapping around and interlocking to create this damned world. Beauty and poison create a net in which we stumble around, always loosing that frail thing called innocence.
So what is innocence? Is it a state of being? If so, what constitutes its loss? War and sex are pretty common ways of burning innocence out of existence.
waitingwaiting, waiting,waiting in Free Verse More Like This
waiting for you.
not your fault.
waiting for minds to change,
tides to turn.
when I can
hold you, kiss you,
laugh with you,
cry with you.
waiting to hold your hand,
you always said,
you love my patience.
waiting to love you.
Thx 4 the memoriesI just wanted to say thanks for the memories.Thx 4 the memories in Free Verse More Like This
Looking back it's hard to pick out my favorites.
The ones that weren't so special I remember the most.
They were the ones that we tried to make the most of.
I never told you how much I liked playing rock band with you.
Or jumping on my trampoline or lying on my hammock.
Even just watching TV with you made me happy.
Though not as happy the special times that we've shared;
Those times were like our dates when we went out.
To the movies, water park, state fair, lunch, and roller skating.
I spent more time out with you then anyone else.
And I enjoyed every second that we were together.
But after all of that there's one thing that made you become my life.
It was the connection we had when we wrote our stories.
We could talk for hours about the characters and many scenes.
In a year we made three generations worth of characters,
And for four different families; that added up to countless plots.
We created people with assorted personalities, pleasu
When I See YouI can't wait to see youWhen I See You in Free Verse More Like This
I know it will be great
We can watch movies and clips
And eat popcorn and chips
We'll go wherever we want
I'll laugh and stay awhile
But what if I make another mistake
I couldn't bear to lose you too
You're my last ray of sunshine
And the fear that comes with this trip
Almost outweighs the excitement
Secrets for SafetyDon't ever tell the truthSecrets for Safety in Free Verse More Like This
Not about this
Certainly not to them
They'll hurt you and judge you
We've been through this before
Do you really want to go back?
Lying isn't as bad as they say
It protects people like us
Who is it hurting anyway?
What, it's hurting you?
How can something that so simple hurt you?
What ever happened to "I'm a really good liar?"
Yes, it's a secret and that's how it is
It must stay a secret if you want to stay safe
Stop complaining, you don't suffer the worst
That's the bell you just heard
This conversation is over
But above all remember what I say
Don't tell anyone that you're
I'm sorryHow much did it hurt when they took you away?I'm sorry in Free Verse More Like This
Anyone would feel depresed after what happened.
You cry like I do every night and think about the loss.
Do you still want to see me after what I did?
Everything was my fault after all I left that mark.
Not that you didn't let me do it to you,
I was just stupid not to think about what would happen.
Selfish is what I've been.
Too happy about my first love to realize the danger.
I gave you that hickey without thinking.
Life gave me everything and I blew it.
Little do I know who you blame for this mess we're in.
Love made us forget to be careful.
Of all the things to end it, it had to be you parents.
Very horrible things they must have said to you.
Enemies to people like us, they hate our love.
You'd think they'd lost their minds.
Over and over they try to keep us apart.
Unless we ignore them and just love each other they win.
Our Little FantasyLet's make our own fairytale,Our Little Fantasy in Songs & Lyrics More Like This
You can be the princess,
I'll be the prince,
Though we are two girls,
I'll be better than any man.
I will save you from the dragon's tower,
I'll slash that evil demon,
I'll whisk into your room,
Where you are asleep,
And kiss your tender lips.
If you loose your glass slipper,
I won't rest until I have returned it to you,
And to only you,
We will get married in the morining,
And dance in the twilight.
I will convince your father,
If he does not bless our wedding,
I will do anything,
Just to have your hand,
Just to hold your perfect hands.
If you were to marry another,
I will crash your wedding,
Lean in and kiss you,
Before I was too late,
To give you my ring.
At the end of our fairytale,
We'll ride away,
On a white horse,
Into the sunset's horizon,
Where we live happily ever after.
Hide My Face With A SmileHere it is again,Hide My Face With A Smile in Free Verse More Like This
I cover it with a mask,
So no one will see,
The pain I'm hiding,
They can't help me.
Here I am in the shadows,
To hide the tears that fall,
From my face to the floor,
I hide them all.
Give a laugh,
To mute my screams,
To make my scorn,
Less than it seems.
The hope that once was,
Is at my feet weeping,
The happiness that once was,
Drifted away sleeping.
To avoid the questions,
I use the smile-mask,
I avoid the people,
So they do not ask.
Go ahead and smile,
Why should they care?
Who is going to listen,
When no one is there?
Hide my face with a smile,
There could be nothing more,
I have no reason to stay,
I have nothing to live for.
Lock My Heart AwayEven if I love you,Lock My Heart Away in Free Verse More Like This
I'm too much of a coward,
I could never,
Let my heart be so vulnerable.
Too many times,
My heart has shattered,
And bit by bit,
It's been pieced together.
I might let you love me,
On the outside,
But I will never let you in
On the inside.
I lock my heart away,
So I cannot be hurt,
And so I cannot,
Fall in love.
You look at me,
You shower me with love,
But I can never be clensed.
No matter how much,
You love me,
I could never,
Unlock my heart.
One of ThemYou know, I never was "one of them". I never wanted to be. Even before I came out, I wasn't one of the pack. Not that I was a loner. Not by a long shot. It's just that I didn't conform to any one, except my closest of friends. As usual when someone comes out, my life changed. But that part didn't. At least, not during school.One of Them in Emotional More Like This
But then I moved out. I found a job. I got myself caught up in the larger world (id say real world, but that seems to encompass less than the larger world). I found work, (a real shock, considering our unemployment rate) at a local Home Depot, a store I had patronized for quite some time and was happy to find myself at. For a while, at least. But the break room changed all that.
For it seems that High School really doesn't end. At least, not all of it. I knew what to expect of course, from the stories on the news, the warnings of friends and family alike, but it never does seem to stop the pain of seeing and hearing it for yourself.
Coming Out 8th Grade YearComing Out in Stories & Vignettes More Like This
"Can I ask you something?"
My heart was pounding.
She was staring at me with all the love she held for me right there in the palm of my hand. I had the choice to destroy it or build it up. I didn't want to make the wrong choice so I worded my sentence carefully, trying not to step on toes that could be unseen in our conversation. I felt something clench on the inside of my chest, knowing this was my nerves bugging me. I was worried.
"Mum, I...I think I like girls."
Finally my confession was out but instead of relief I felt a strange tightening on my stomach and heart. This wasn't the feeling I was supposed to get. I looked away from her, worried about her reaction, realizing that maybe this wasn't one of the people I should have told.
"What do you mean you like girls? As friends or more?"
Again my chest tightened, I could barely breathe.
"You know how you like Dad? That's how I feel about girls."
I looked back at her and assessed her reaction. She s
ManiaI hear your bloody screams in my mindMania in Free Verse More Like This
I hear them before they touch air
They´re escaping from the mirrors
I´m used to listen to them, we´re nearly friends
sometimes they make your ears bust with yelling
but at least you´re not alone
At least, there´s
is in the room
right in front of my eyes
just standing there staring at me silently
injecting crashing horror into my veins,
like paralyzing chemicals
Let me go!
Attention! The bricks are
shooting on you, from the burning roof
don´t turn your back at them
I´m used to walking carefully
I´m used to checking if someone´s following
There are dead bodies flying through the air
why can´t you see them, these
decayed faces, staring at us, like judges!
And don´t you know that
it means someone doesn´t like you
if he´s wearing a white shirt?
You don´t know that?
You need to know, the empty church is a lie
don´t you hear me, it´s a tra
Starry NightIt was a starry nightStarry Night in Free Verse More Like This
when I chose your eyes
from all fixed stars to be the ones
to illuminate my night skies
It was a starry night, we
sat on the rooftop and I
didn´t want to touch you because then
I wouldn´t be able to let you go anymore
It was a starry night, the stars
were dancing through the galaxies and
wrote our names on the ink-black sky
It was a starry night when you could
hear the voice of the universe
and we recognized our own insignificance-
when we sat there in infinite power,
risen above the city lights
It was a starry night when I was afraid
that the next moment anyone would
make the march of time continue
paint the sky in another colour
break the silence and
catch the shooting stars
cause if something´s perfect, it will never last
It was a starry night, we watched the falling stars,
you were smiling when you forgot to think of a wish,
no problem, fate, right next to me is everything I would ever wish for
It was a starry night, and if you were compl
Smiling TorturerI breathed radiationSmiling Torturer in Free Verse More Like This
something like toxic gas
I like you so much
You mean more to me than most of the other people in this world
You´re surely one of the people I trust the most
I nearly can´t bear spending a week without you
Sometimes the difference between
Love and All and The one and Absolutely
Like and Most and One of and Nearly
is the same as between
So actually I suffocated
when you smiled and called me your friend
SmilesSeeing the letters of your name, in the headlines of newspapersSmiles in Free Verse More Like This
(every word should only consist of them)
Hearing the memory of your voice, calling my name in my mind
(no one will ever pronounce it this way)
Smelling your fragrance in the pillows, in the lonely afternoon
(every flower would go green with envy)
Tasting your kiss on my tongue, though it´s hours ago
(no one will ever touch me this way)
Feeling my heartbeat when I read a note of you, our secret code
(every sentence could illuminate the universe)
Secretly watching you suddenly smiling
cause every little thing reminds you of me
and no one can imagine that
It makes the skies open
It makes the earth stop rotating
It makes the sun shine on your face
and my soul shines.
AscentIf you´re wanderingAscent in Free Verse More Like This
in the deepest valleys,
just raise your head.
In front of you,
you´ll see the highest mountain
and it might not be
an easy way leading to the peak
but up there,
the stars will be waiting.
Fear and Blazing HeatMy dearest stranger,Fear and Blazing Heat in Free Verse More Like This
you´re a beautiful illusion
which won my heart
my love for you
is only alive in my mind
There never was
the slightest crack
in the mirror showing
your picture-perfect reflection
I´m so afraid
I´ll break this mirror
by touching it
And if I tried
to catch the Fata Morgana
that´s picturing you,
between my fingers
there would just be
but endless spaces
and no horizon
Brand-new startSometimesBrand-new start in Free Verse More Like This
I want to make a fresh start
to make so many mistakes again
but also to do many things differently
to be able to tell some people some things
which I´ll never be able to tell them now,
cause they´re gone and they´ll never come back
to take opportunities again,
and reconsider carelessness
to have more courage and audacity,
or at least to show more of it
not to let those people come into my life
who didn´t deserve me in my past,
and welcome those who are worth it, much earlier
I want to make a fresh start
just to live more often
CursedI forgot the dayCursed in Free Verse More Like This
when daylight flowed out of my eyes
and restless loneliness replaced it
I am the puppet
coming alive when you turn away
so nobody knows
I got the strings
I forgot the day
when my skin was burnt to ivory
and my features washed out to granite
I am the shadow
in every mirror
the silhouette on every wall
the soundless voice in every mind
the mystery in empty cupboards
I forgot the day
when I was clothed in darkness and misery
and a haunted desire filled my empty ribcage
I´m the faceless creature
the wanderer in mirror mazes
the cryptical stranger with sharpshooter´s eyes
the collector of thousand dreams´ sherds
the architect building monuments of pain
I forgot the day
when I started to hear my soul scream
and emotions left like a mild illness
I´m going unknown
I forgot the day
No need to fix a point
The day will be unforgotte
Fragments of You and MeIFragments of You and Me in Free Verse More Like This
fell in love with a stranger´s laugh
in the kitchen, Monday afternoon
He forgot his front door keys here and
concluded he had to stay for a while, so sorry
I said, if I find it I´ll throw it in the lake
locked us in the paradise garden
painted flowers on my body
and let the starlight breathe life into them
counted the times my heart skipped a beat when you called my name
stopped counting when my brain didn´t work anymore
- why did my heart still work
said you´d buy me a respirator
so you can kiss me until we can´t breathe anymore
and don´t have to fear you´d kill me
appeared in your thoughts
like a summer storm
Maybe she dived in the lake
And when you called her name
I could feel your heart skip a beat
My blood froze
My face faded to black
It took such a long time until you noticed
That my trust breathed its last
with your absent-minded smile
forgot the respirator
left you Monday morning
Sprained HeartSilence containing wordsSprained Heart in Free Verse More Like This
which fade meaningless
in air, light and space
The sound of loneliness,
striking against my forehead
When I look into your eyes
Sky - no, heaven - is grey
And the emptiness
doesn´t stop repeating our mistakes
Slowly poisoned daylight
Fairy tales always pass into everyday life
And result in a lie
We could have ruled the world
I could have ruled the world
With the simple thought of you by my side
But now I´m just a broken kite
A cooling cigarette
An empty glass
A lifeless doll
when you take a step
there´s nothing but fear
you can´t replace oxygen,
you can´t leave me breathing