Morphine and MalevolenceEddie-Riddle me thisMorphine and Malevolence in Humor More Like This
Joker-Shut up, Riddles! I don't want to hear another one!
Eddie-Well, I don't want to hear another joke!
Joker-At least they're funny! They're better than your stupid riddles!
Jonathan-Ladies 'n' gen'lemen, this is Mambo numba' five
Joker-Oh, great. Now what's his problem?!
Eddie-He's on morphine. What's your excuse?
Joker-Why you little snot-colored
Jonathan-A LITTLE BIT O' MONICA IN MY LIFE, A LITTLE BIT O' ERICA BY MY SIDE
Eddie-How dare you insult my wardrobe?! You don't even match!
Joker-I'm the JOKER!!!
Jonathan- A LITTLE BIT O' RITA'S ALL I NEED, A LITTLE BIT O' TINA'S WHAT I SEE
Eddie-That is no excuse for poor fashion sense!
Joker-You're jealous! I have impeccable taste!!!
Jonathan- A LITTLE BIT O' SANDRA IN THE SUN, A LITTLE BIT O' MARY ALL NIGHT LONG, A LITTLE BIT O' JESSICA HERE I AM
Sleep Talking"You snore."Sleep Talking in Humor More Like This
"I do not."
"Please. You sound like a dying wookie."
"At least I don't flail my limbs about and shout random things in my sleep!"
"I don't do that!"
"You do! I'm just drifting off and suddenly, 'RIDDLE ME THIS!' Right by my eardrum."
"You're making that up."
"Why would I?!"
"Because, I said you snore like a hippo with a head-cold!"
"You said, 'dying wookie'!"
"Oh, I assure you, I am quite possible."
"Shut up. I'm trying to sleep!"
"Maybe I wouldn't have to if you'd be quiet!"
"Ow! No need to get all slap happy "
"I'm 'slap happy'?! You kick me like a zillion times per night and when you're not doing that, you're lying all over me like some love-sick boa-constrictor "
"Oooh, I see how it is! First, it's 'Oh, Eddie, I'm cold ' and then the next moment you're complaining that I'm 'smothe
Caught in the Rain"What are you doing outside?!"Caught in the Rain in Humor More Like This
Jonathan Crane sighed and turned. "Eddie, it's ok I'm-"
He was cut off as Edward Nygma wrapped a blanket around him.
"Shshshshhh you're going to lay down and I am going to make you some soup and get the hairdryer."
"Yes, the hairdryer! Your hair is soaking wet and oh you're ice cold! You'll catch a cold and then pneumonia and you'll be sick for weeks and oh, stop squirming "
The Scarecrow sighed. "Eddie, put me down, I can walk "
"And what kind of friend would I be if I did that, huh, Jon? 'Put you down' Ha! What a ridiculous concept now, come on, let's get you dry."
With a final roll of his eyes, Jonathan let the Riddler cradle him, blanket and all, and bear him swiftly down the tiny hallway of the lair to his bedroom. Laying him gently on the bed, Eddie placed his hands on his hips and said in a business-like tone, "Alright, strip."
Jonathan blinked. "Eddie, I don't need "
Personal SpaceJonathan Crane sat in front of the TV, watching his favorite psychology program.Personal Space in Humor More Like This
He leaned back against the couch and yawned. The show was intelligent enough, but he wished it wasn't on so late. And of course tonight his insomnia decided to leave him alone
A small scuffling sound made the Scarecrow raise an eyebrow, muting the TV for a moment.
He unmated the TV.
Ba-dum ba-dum ba-dum
The scuffling resumed, unbeknownst to Jonathan, who was once more focused on the television.
Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-du-u-u-u-u-u-um
Before Jonathan had time to make so much as a squeak, he found himself flat on his back, pinned to the couch by a grinning man in green question-marked sweatpants and a fuzzy purple sweater.
Squirming, Jonathan scowled.
"Eddie off "
The Riddler smirked, resting his chin on Jonathan's chest.
"Nope. I'm going t
RestJonathan sighed and stared at the ceiling of the cell, his eyes unfocused. He couldn't sleep, but was too tired to keep his eyes straight forward. And the only person that could ever seem to help him rest wasRest in General Fiction More Like This
That was stupid
There was no way that he was the reason Jonathan could relax. He should be happy that that man wasn't there trying to hug him again.
He sighed again.
Why couldn't he sleep?
All of a sudden the cell door opened.
"Get in there, Nygma "
Jonathan sat up, looking down at the man who had just been thrust into the room.
The man looked up at him and winked. "Hi, Jon! And how are we doing?"
The Scarecrow fought an unexplained blush.
The Riddler smiled and climbed the ladder to the top bunk, lying down beside Jonathan. "Well, you might be 'fine', but I am exhausted." Slipping his arms around the Scarecrow, he pulled him closer and yawned.
And, although he would never admit
The ExceptionArkham Asylum: Rec-roomThe Exception in Humor More Like This
"Awww is Professor Crane upset?"
Jonathan Crane glared at Pamela Isley as she ran a fingertip down his arm.
"Stop what?" she purred, slipping her arms around his neck with a sultry smile.
Jonathan's ears burned.
Ivy chuckled. "I don't hear that often "
The Scarecrow scowled back, trying to push her away. "Well, perhaps you should!"
With a growl, Jonathan finally managed to shove her off of him.
"Because, I don't like to be touched! I don't want company, and I hate people! That's why! Understood?!"
Before Pam could answer, the door to the rec-room opened and a tired-looking man with ginger hair shuffled in, walking directly over to the Scarecrow and curling up close beside him on the couch, closing his green eyes with a sigh.
For a moment, no one spoke.
And then Ivy smirked, gesturing to the Riddler who had just unwittingly disproved the Scarecrow's point.
"No people, huh?"
EscapeEdward Nygma woke up to the sound of sobbing. Rolling over, he sat up immediately as he saw Jonathan Crane curled on his bunk, his hands covering his face.Escape in Humor More Like This
The Riddler slid out of bed and crossed the cell kneeling on Jonathan's bunk and doing his best to gather the Scarecrow into his arms, rocking him back and forth slowly.
"Shhh Jon I'm here Shhh "
Jonathan sobbed into the Riddler's shoulder.
"Ed die "
"Shhh " Eddie murmured, lightly rubbing his back. "I'm right here "
Outside, the guard peered in. Something was obviously wrong with Crane. The Scarecrow was never emotional, especially not to this degree.
Maybe he should go in there
The Master of Fear seemed to sob harder, his entire body shaking, and by this time, the Riddler looked extremely worried.
The guard made his decision. Opening the door, he walked in, leaving it slightly ajar.
"Alright, what's going "
Suddenly, Jonathan let go of the Riddler, leaping
Missed YouJonathan Crane sighed, looking at his phone.Missed You in Humor More Like This
Eddie was breaking out of Arkham tonight. Or at least that was the plan. The Riddler had promised to call Jonathan when he made it.
If he made it.
The Master of Fear shook his head. He would make it.
Then he looked at his phone again.
No. A watched pot never boils, or so went the saying and a watched phone probably wouldn't ring either.
Turning, Jonathan decided he'd find something constructive to do when the phone suddenly vibrated, making the Master of Fear jump. He leapt for the phone, looking at the message.
It contained two words.
Jonathan turned as if spun by an invisible hand.
The Scarecrow grinned, throwing his arms around Eddie.
The Riddler hugged him back, smirking. "Well, someone's happy to see me."
Jonathan cleared his throat, trying to regain composure. "I'm just happy you got out of Arkham. That's all."
Eddie grinned. "Sure. You just keep telling yourself that
Never AloneEdward Nygma lay, curled into a ball on the the bed, sobbing uncontrollably. "It'll get better, Boss..." Franky whispered, slowly stroking the Riddler's hair. "He'll be back..."Never Alone in Drama More Like This
"He's right." Rocky said gruffly, though no less gently. "Arkham can't hold him for long."
"H...h..he...'s...b..b..beeng...gone...f...for...t-two whole..w...weeks..." Eddie sobbed, trembling.
Bo gently cradled the distraught man, comforting him like a father. A large, overly-muscled, very well-toned father with a large tattoo of a coiled Boa constrictor on one arm.
"Shhh...hey. It'll be ok, Boss. He always comes back."
"But...but, what if...what if..."
Eddie swallowed, rubbing at his eyes and curling tighter as Teddy and Loui returned from the other room with extra blankets and soup.
Slowly, his sobs lessened and exhaustion took over, even trying to smile at his Henchies becoming a struggle.
But, he knew they understood.
Eyes drifting shut, Eddie struggled to focus on Bo's large hand placed soothingl
Frenemies Followup 1"Open up."Frenemies Followup 1 in Humor More Like This
"I don't wanna!"
"Come on you need to take your medicine."
"No, I don't! I'm perfectly fine. You're just being a mother hen!"
"Take it! And don't call me that!"
Edward Nygma squirmed uncomfortably as he looked at the spoonful of red liquid that Jonathan Crane was holding in front of his mouth. Somehow, he was pretty sure that this was retribution from the last time he'd given Jonathan cough syrup.
Jonathan sat on the edge of the bed and raised an eyebrow, still holding up the spoon. "Eddie, you need to take this. I hear you coughing all night, now open up!"
The Riddler scowled but nodded reluctantly, slowly opened his mouth. The Master of Fear smiled and stuck the spoon in before Eddie had a chance to change his mind. The Prince of Puzzles made a face, swallowing hard and gagging.
"Bluck! That is so nasty!"
Jonathan smirked and patted the Riddler on the head. "See? That wasn't so hard."
Eddie grimaced and then coughed.
Instantly, Jonathan's expression went from c