Defeating a Mental Disorderthe sludge in my frontal lobes isDefeating a Mental Disorder6 months ago in Free Verse More Like This
bleaching white; a clear photonic
puzzle of what my thoughts used
to be. my mind feels about five
pounds lighter without the constant
bombardment of negative chemicals
rushing through mushy grey matter.
if summer were a medicine
i'd take three doses everyday,
injecting raw sunlight into my
veins and swallowing your smile
with a heavy glass of water.
my demons won't freeze, perhaps they'll burn
I speak to myself."So that's what you want?"I speak to myself.3 years ago in Emotional More Like This
"What? To die?"
"Yes, to die."
"It's been a while since I've contemplated suicide."
"There are other ways to die, you know."
"I know. I want to live."
"Yes. That's probably the hardest way."
A deep breath, a pause for thought. Small smiles and closed eyes.
I know that if I open them, I'll only see myself and there's nothing I hate more.
"Do you ever think about her?"
"What do you think?"
"I think that I wish I'd never kissed her back."
"But I did, didn't I?"
"It was a great kiss, though." I'm smiling; it really was a great kiss.
"Yeah. I still feel the edge of the sink digging into my back."
I open my eyes. Other-me is smiling too. The bruise was there a few days and
she'd kissed it over and over and over again. I think we're both remembering that.
It was the first time I'd ever felt treasured.
"I just wish"
"that I could have saved her."
Another shared look and some heavy regret, the
day twoi. fearday two7 months ago in Free Verse More Like This
i talk talk talk all the time
but i never really say anything
and you can read whatever you like into that
but i know
i know that i'm afraid.
i'm afraid of the way sincerity sounds on my lips
i'm afraid that speaking my mind will result in
a dictionary definition I never asked for;
one that outlines each and every one of my flaws,
boils me down to the bare bones of insecure
i've always fallen in love like
i fall asleep; not at all often
enough, deeper than i should, and
far, far too late -
know your mind and your heartsome people are like second skins. the banter, the familiarity, is home to my tired soul and i am ready, always, to slip into that second abode and live out my life within its mobile security, to lose myself within another person's confines.know your mind and your heart5 months ago in Emotional More Like This
yes, i am strong. and yes, i can make it on my own, but that doesn't mean that i want to. i want a home outside myself, i want the freedom that comes with their actions-- i want that second skin and no matter how many other things i control, i can never rein in this want.
i don't tell you enough -fair-haired childi don't tell you enough -2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
with a hesitant touch,
how you've grown.
motherless daughter with
eyes as alive as spring
they could forget what they've seen),
i love you.
the cars you crash into
and the scars that you carry
never keep you from sky-castles
that are far beyond your reach.
you, who vanquishes her head-foes
with the cadence of her rocking
and the rhythm of an ever-anxious heart,
are wiser than you take credit for;
because even though your heart remembers
how lovers become calloused and impatient
with your flighty soul -
you will always return to the heavens.
you will always carve your path
out of the darkest forests.
even with your beaten and clipped wings,
you choose to fly;
keep on, faithful-dreamer.
you're sure to find your dawn.
collisionsi.collisions2 months ago in Free Verse More Like This
it is dark, unfamiliar,
but your fingers seek out his,
and you know then
that you are at home
in his harmony
even if just
he's incendiary, sure.
a veritable (volatile)
molotov cocktail of
watch as he emerges,
ashen-limbed from a cocoon of you
to entwine with the threads
that hold you sane.
want nothing more than
to hiss and steam;
than to cool
in your stillness
redolent of broken-record risk-
taking chances until
there's nothing left
but scratches and
glitches in the wordwork
i mean woodwork,
i mean, skin.
but oh god, he loves you
just like this,
this is a choice:
you may destroy him,
extinguish his flames
and half-bury him in
the ashy remnants
of his own conflagration
but it's an impotent power
that is granted,