Tidal waves.We are alone here in this valley near the seaTidal waves.4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
and it is almost dark and almost quiet, but I
can hear someone crying just a few rooms away.
She is not so hawk-eyed, not so frighteningly
sharp and I am afraid to make her cry, so I lie,
I lie. She is a small bird with too-high heels
and a nervous laugh; her wings tucked loosely
beside her like the bags beneath her eyes. She
wears too much make-up, but sometimes that's okay.
She compares me to her children and tells me I'm
so bright, but I am greasy hair and yesterday's
makeup, ragged nails gripping the seams in her
worn couch. She is innocent and I am too high
to function, but not high enough to swim.
She thinks that she can save me, you know, so I
tell her of tsunamis, of rising tides, of the
dark flood that hides away until it can drown me
from inside. She says empty overused phrases like
the boy who says he loves me, but really only wants
something to say. It's okay, I'm not looking for an
answer anymore. "Sounds like you have some iss
spurious little devilthe skyspurious little devil3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
is crushing me.
it's only when i breathe in
deeper, with my stomach, when i breathe
properly, that i realize
i can't breathe at all.
and maybe i was
i don't want to
die but maybe i do want to
disappear. fade away.
opinions matter too much;
yours, theirs, mine, what the numbers
show versus what the
shows. what i let myself think -
what i let myself believe.
i said, if i can't die
for them, i'll live
tell me, what's the difference
between just being
alive and actually
the clouds are giving me
at the risk of becoming
a risible cliche spewer, be
careful what you wish
for. i wanted to be
strong and now i am
strong and i am sick of being
strong i want to
again i want to
wallow and purge and eat
too little and say the
wrong things because i think the
wrong things and i also do the
wrong things, in case you still think
actions speak louder than words.
i would be a masochistic
hedonist, if i
one. but no i'm