hurt the mostI am trying to decide what hurts the most,
surpressing myself or dancing with the ghost
of my former happiness. Too many nights spent
wondering where this road is leading,
finding myself doing nothing but speeding down
the curves of my youth. The rear view mirror is clouded
with mistakes and regret, then I look forward and
see you step into the road, blocking my passion
and hindering my soul from its true path.
Still I'm wondering what hurts the most,
lying to my heart or following this road
with a numb sense of hope. I have tried to let
go of our many differences, demanding myself to
pretend that I can change you, but alas! I accept
that I can not. I have forgot to be true to myself
and let the belt of conformity fall to the ground.
I have forgotten how to be easy and real, how
to fully feel how I feel, how to discern scarps
from the rest of the meal of life.
I can not indulge this make believe game
that you and I are truly the same, when it has
been proven time and again that I am wh
So Much LoveHis hands fell between his spread legs, dropping aimlessly down. His fingers spread out, as if trying to reach for the floor but knowing they wouldnt quite make it. Elbows pressed against his knees as he leaned forward, his neck craning. A lock of chocolate brown hair fell into his face and he reached up, pushing it away quickly. He laughed a little, pushing his glasses up his nose as she wandered down the hallway.So Much Love8 years ago in General More Like This
She wore form fitting, dark, tight jeans that barely hovered over her flattops. She wore a tank top that dipped quite fantastically, but any view was hidden by a plain white tee shirt that was beneath the pink tank. Her flattops matched her shirt perfectly, just plain black that was very similar to the color of her jeans.
Not even noticing him sitting on the bench, she flounced her way to her locker. Brown hair with natural blond highlights bounced over her shoulders, straightened, obviously, but still holding the curl that was originally so flamboyant. He smiled as th
The CrashAs we drive in this abandoned car, I wonder why is it that we complicate what is preciously short, we hesitate, and I just wait and wait, for some proclamation to be made, for the light to turn green, for the signs to be seen, but nothing gleams in this car anymore.The Crash7 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
It is quite obvious to me, more than before, that what was there was so blindingly beautiful that no one saw the yield sign, couldn't stop on a dime, and the crash was brilliantly illuminated in the night. When was it that I stopped the fight, that I reached a new height of realization that you, or anyone for that matter, refuses to care, that the bystanders stares are gone, the awe of the moment, the hours of lust and labor spent, no one will step up and repent, and I am left here with a dent in the car and much more, by far, damage to my heart, that was crushed by the steering wheel upon impact.
I lack a shower to wash away the grit and sand, what was once so grand as we crawled from the oceans waves. The days
Cure to the ChaosTime droppin by so quick, kill the candle stickCure to the Chaos7 years ago in Other More Like This
and kiss the tips of your fingers.
Blood shot eyes hint at the cries of the night
The long drawn hit that I fight in spite
of my need to breath whats real.
the slip of my mind again
Invite the sanity in but it stays at bay.
Stars in my hand that I throw away.
Another day, Another day, Another hit
can't quite........intoxication. Tune the radio station
to slow jams, still stars in my hands, the
real party began that night in the alley.
Sitting on the curb, cigs and coffee.
Sun sets so pretty.
Broken shoes and skinned
knees. Asking the sun, please don't leave.
Scared of the dark and my broken heart.
Grab the lighter and start a fire. Higher
higher I go. Don't know my way back.
Scars on my back. Anger in my hand,
Stars in my hand. Throw it all away.
Goodnight, day. DON'T WALK AWAY from me.
Oh, but the sun set's so pretty.
Embrace the space that is the silence. Walk to the cliff and repent. I need you, Jesus, so does
the rest of
The Quiet SpartanHe walks,The Quiet Spartan8 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
With shoulders hunched and head bowed.
Not very often, and never loud.
With all that he has seen.
Too much, for just one teen.
To others: Really, Im fine.
In the sand againSit with me in the sand one more time, sitIn the sand again7 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
with me and help me dig, in the dark,
after I spent hours in the freezing water
that was heated only after I cried for our
last embrace. Only then did the water churn
and whisper sweet nothings to me, after I remembered,
suddenly, just how our first time was, just how we managed
to surrendor unto each other even though
the odds were against us for a long time
before we even realized it. And now here I sit
in the sand with sweet colored sun rays
kissing your perfect skin, tiny particles of hope
tickling your toes, sweet pomegranet flowing
in the air from my redened hair. Remember, remember
the first time we dug in the sand and hold onto
that now, in times of trial and seperation, in times
of lonliness and sorrow, in times of rememberance
and smiles, remember these things and know that
I love you far more than she ever has.
Before MeWhat's more beautiful?Before Me4 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
The over radiant glow of your
skin or your dressed down soul?
The way I pant and sweat in desire,
the way you ignite my body with erotic fire?
Am I lost in your eyes again or are we
going together in sin to that place
I love? Did you know you were more
than eternity, more than enough to
I can't bear such an explosive entity
before me. Yet here you are.
give me something poetic.like the way the grassgive me something poetic.5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
at dawn. scratch that,
too cliche. say,
shush, close your eyes
see the dawn
then forget. forget
is poetic. remember
your grandmother, sick
in the hospital, saying
the old should be beautiful.
something to write about...I'd been drug sniffedsomething to write about...5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
addled & otherwise
by agents in
points of origin
hope to heart to god
like father thought
hand to fist to mouth
like mother taught
as if no one had
colored those pale
so I shook
as all good books
to the shape
you've made me
I tried to trace
as a map
but found you'd
today goes like this-buy a watermelon. eattoday goes like this-5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
said watermelon. spit
on your brother -
to do your laundry, forgot
to leave the lights on. run
into something in the dark.
break a bone. break two
at the color of your cat. realize
you don't have a cat. you are going
insane. forget to care.
sleep outside in the pouring
forget to care.
a new year's resolution.i will not write. i will nota new year's resolution.6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
out of the clouds,
to hear laughter
in the sunshine. no more
tracing pavement dreams
across the borders, no,
will i look
in poems. i won't fall
into the ocean
or confuse a smile
for your love. no,
i will not
be a poet.
stroll billings never alonesix o' clockstroll billings never alone7 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
came and went
as, hours apart,
the ever present stranger
'til you bring out
the best in me
with fallen leaves
life & death
puffs of breath
the silken stretch
scraping some city
while my footsteps
map & mark the spots
where I'm supposed to
be (with you)
exhaled air to fill
the hollows where
wrapped in mine
find me (please)
hope in heart
all held up
by a half-
vegas skies.we found death in the attic,vegas skies.6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
silent and still
you have to act
and we pretended
from a window
in a train
and i sat in the emergency room
you have to be
and not even forever
can bring you back
small toysshe's that uncaughtsmall toys7 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
smoke in your teeth
and still feeling
that slow fall
and pull back
from snow globe skin
behind the walls
when you wish you had-n't-stringing your eyes with garlands of stars iwhen you wish you had-n't-6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
wish to impeach you, maybe impregnate you
with a will to breathe
but what are you but an incoming breath
to me? an unapologetic zephyr gracing
my inner vineyards
ruffling the leaves with whispers
(i understand it
isn't so collapsible, and
i'm forgetting i forget
but when the winds turn
you're a harlot, ruining this year's
yield of self
(importance and confidence)
and i'm understandably drinking
the vinegar left
trying to breathe in the lights
i gift you with - always
and i have only the stars
the stars to blame.
Confession One: Beautiful"Hello Green Eyes," I whisper to the mirror "I'm sorry to be drowning you with all these tears &Confession One: Beautiful7 years ago in Other More Like This
reality.you are a tornado.reality.6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
you are a black hole.
i am a twig. i am
terrified. i am five feet
two short and five months
to love you, but look,
i tried, and maybe it's selfish,
but i don't want to lose you,
and maybe it's too late,
i need you.
long falling fell the distanceyou create the quietlong falling fell the distance7 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
that surrounds you
sleep in silence
wrapped in stars
leap from your fingers
and I forget clever
in the space it takes
things you lost this year.your virginity. a keychainthings you lost this year.6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
from your dead mother
in your pocket. your lucky pencil.
luck in general.
a pile of post-it notes
fuck you, life
and, my flowers don't grow anymore
and, i'm not a flower
and, i guess it doesn't matter
because i'm still not growing.
your guiding star,
it was only
on your ceilling. a sense
of urgency. the belief
things will get better.
in the mirror
your apathy, your sunsetsshe says, "i killed your father."your apathy, your sunsets7 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
big burly man: eyes like fire and red-
tinged roses, burnt at the crisps and curling
in on itself, fetal position,
with black ash; arms like angry feathers,
legs like blocky tornadoes, a
mouth to hang
your linens on; upside the head,
hurricane hands, i hate you i hate you,
inside her stomach,
around the bend, i hate you; shotgun says, "bang,"
Top SecretI want to pick apart your every wordTop Secret10 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
and fill them with my own hidden meanings;
twist any four letters into the word love
and stamp it, in gold, on the box where
I'm supposed to keep my heart.
anorexia nervosa. _part two o.anorexia nervosa. _part two7 years ago in Biography & Memoir More Like This
I lean back against the rim of my bed and dig my feet as far into the floor as the carpet will allow. The panic leaves me like an ocean wave, scraping up against the sand of my head and leaving me breathless. I want to hurt something. My arms settle neatly around the other, touching on my wrists, rubbing down my forearms, clenching my hands together.
Someone should have shot me as soon as I made it out of the womb, I think, and my hands settle around my neck.
Sometimes, I broke.
There were two months where, every Saturday and Sunday, I had Poptarts for breakfast, which is about two hundred calories per individual Poptart. There was an entire month where I ate ice cream every night. The second month after I had started, late September-ish, I found that I couldn't take the hunger for very long, and I would eat a snack before dinner. This ended in mid-October, thankfully, and some of the shame subsided. I
of telling tales and pathslittle rabbit,of telling tales and paths5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
where have you been?
pawing through some
sharpening your fangs
must you wrap
your bouncing head
your flat eyes
cradles the most
each new habit
you have such a pretty smilei.you have such a pretty smile7 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
it has been scrawled and every letter looks like a hooked crow's talon, and i am sitting with my jeans all rolled up and my feet are made of seeds and wrinkles like protrusions of stems and dreamy roots, and i am exploding stars in my mind and they shatter like yellow confetti, slivered gold glitter, and i read so slowly like the words might escape me before i can finish, the tail-ends of ns turning into legs and the es unfurling and falling delicately away and the m scattering away like leaves coated in sulfur and membrane and silk, and on the wall is scrawled a picture, a color, that looks like this:
my stomach opened up wide
and out came
a forest, topped in limp rashes of stringy red and slices of white, splattered lightly with a crimson you could dip your finger in and taste, playing your tongue like a careful harp, and the gilded stains of green came out to meet the sun with extended pointing arms
you -i. refuse help.you -5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
on the edge
and you tell me
ii. are a cry
for attention. a crow
in a sky
of pidgeons. red marrs
on a foreign
moon; a game
iii. lose the game.
iv. don't realize:
we have been paying
all along; loving
that has not