drowning in the stars.does the song you're listening to remind you of anyone? it's hard to answer this question when i'm thinking about you non-stop and every single song out there reminds me of your smile.drowning in the stars.6 years ago in General Non-Fiction More Like This
i miss you, love. i can still feel your heartbeat pounding against my head. i can still feel your collarbone suffocating every last breath of air out of me. i can still feel your spinal cord underneath my fingertips.
i'll look up at the stars wishing you were here to lay in the drifting rain with me. i'll count each and every one and play connect the dots to make pictures of your shining face. i'll drown in the soft water if it means getting to see you in the morning.
i've got this feeling in my chest that makes me wonder what's going on with you, what you're doing at this very moment. it feels like you're on top of me, giving yourself to your dreams when all i can do is stare into your closed eyes and hold you as tight as possible without waking you. i can't help but wonder if you're dreaming of
falling away.---falling away.7 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
tonight you are building a man out
of blankets and pressing your face where
his neck would be. you close
your eyes and pretend your pulse
is his and bite your lip and try
so hard not to cry.
tonight you are looking for a man
who sees the shadows in the way
you hold your wrists. he could.
he could, so you know it's possible.
tonight you are not beautiful but you
are so broken.
tonight you slam your fists against the
wall and wonder what it is about you
that is so easy to walk away from.
what it is about you that is
so easy to leave behind.
tonight the man with a pillow face
is softer than the body you used to climb
but it's all you have.
you'll take it. it's better than being alone.
tonight you press yourself
closer to a memory until you can
feel it digging into your skin.
it hurts, you think,
but it's something real.
i'm losti hold onto you too tightly, just how the clouds drift against the the evening sky. i find it comforting watching them, realizing that they are moving with us too everyday, running from something.i'm lost6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
or maybe it's just that they are lost, each second farther away from the truth, from where they began, with soon nowhere to go.
they don't seem frightened, they seem at home in the unopened arms of the sky, the fact that nothing ever stays quite the same.
the way the hardwood floor feels against my hollow cheeks, my gaunt skin, makes me want to surrender. waver through the rays of sunlight, melt into the cracks of the ground.
it makes me want to shorten each unwilling breath until finally nothing hurts, nothing caves onto me, nothing feels anymore.
i hold onto you too tightly, i've realized. my knuckles flourish white, my bones ache against the empty space that keeps widening, without you to fill it.
the years stick to me, memories like bruises, never fading. only becoming
FreefallFreefall6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I fell into love
with astonishing ease.
After years of believing
that one such as I
could never be caught,
it encompassed my world.
Always I had been the one
to hold my heart inviolate.
Lovers were left grasping
for my ephemeral affections,
while I danced away,
my emotions untouched.
All it took was a kiss,
one gentle kiss that belied
the devastation that would follow.
Bereft, heart rent like tattered silk,
when you danced away from me,
your emotions untouched.
And here I remain
wondering if, like me,
you will someday fall
with the same ease,
and the same shattering
of your soul upon impact.
the end of forever.i don't know what to tell you.the end of forever.6 years ago in General Non-Fiction More Like This
i could tell you that i'm sorry, but that wouldn't change that i didn't do anything wrong.
i could tell you that i miss you, but that would just give you another opportunity to break my heart.
i could tell you that you're being stupid and immature and selfish and hypocritical, but my opinion doesn't seem to matter anymore.
because we both know that no matter what i do, no matter what i say, i'm still going to end up being the one crying myself to sleep at night while you're dreaming happily of chains being cut and being set free.
i am sorry for something.
i'm sorry i was such a burden to you, i'm sorry you had to force yourself for me. i'm sorry i smothered you. i'm sorry i couldn't accept you for you. i'm sorry i was constantly using the things i did for you against you and i'm sorry i kept showing you my thoughtless side instead of the one you really liked about me. just because you can accept my flaws doesn't mean that it's okay for me to have them.
i would smile if you did.i could write you a song about raindrops and rubies, but i don't think you'd want to listen. i could hold you close and tell you love stories, but i think you would just fall asleep. and i could play with your fingers and tap out a rhythm on your collar bone, but you'd just pull away and turn on the radio so you could listen to something better.i would smile if you did.6 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
you always pull away. why do you always pull away?
you got mad when you saw the papers. you said you hated that everything i write is sad, that every paper you found in my desk was about heartbreak or death or insanity or hopelessness. you said you wanted me to be happy. but if you really did, you would try to understand that heartbreak isn't always bad and death isn't always ugly; that insanity is relative and hopelessness can be beautiful.
your understanding is what would really make me happy.
today i decided something: i am going to stop trying.
i am going to lay on my bed today. i am going to stare at the ceiling. i am not going to p
CursedShe was the most beautiful girl she had ever seen, and she hated it.Cursed8 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
Her hair was smooth and auburn, shiny, sleek, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldnt make it look messy or uncared for. Her face was heart-shaped and her complexion was perfect. She never used any products; she never even wore sunscreen, always hoping that she would get a sunburn that would leave her face wrinkled and damaged, but it never happened. Her eyes were pale gray and never stopped sparkling, no matter how little she slept. Her nose was nicely shaped, her mouth just the right size, her waist and hips thin, her proportions perfect. She was gorgeous, and there was absolutely nothing she could do about it.
It wasnt fair, she thought, that everyone believed her to be perfect. Just because she looked wonderful didnt mean that she was wonderful. Her parents, the two people who supposedly knew her best, thought that
parabola.You just don't get it, do you?parabola.5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Every time I set fire to this paper,
I am screaming the words that I beg you to hear,
but you cast them away
or don't understand
or just try to pretend they're not
and scribbled all over.
Every time I try to pry open
the hearts of
because i used to love youand i am (not) sorry about tying your armsbecause i used to love you6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
and i am (not) sorry about kissing your lips
and i am (not) sorry about breaking your heart
and i am (not) sorry about bruising your hips
i take the romanticized
moments in time
from your fragile brain
and blow them far
away from here
so you won't feel pain
i'm still sacrificing for you.
just, an adjectiveif i ever loved you, it was for your misconceptions. if i ever was in love with you, it it wasnt because you'd pull me along in the dark, holding and touching and pretending to love me, it was because you called me up at one in the morning and asked me if i wanted an adventure, and i knew it was dangerous and i knew you and if i ever loved you it was because nothing was ever safe with just you.just, an adjective6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
if i ever thought i could love you it was for all the words you've ever told me, a combination of the lies and the too-harsh truth that i just couldn't make myself take. for every compliment there was a 'i really don't even like you' and for ever confession there was a lie and i loved you for all the deceit and the way you would tell me the truth if i asked you just the right questions--.
if we ever connected it wasn't on normal, human relations level. it wasn't our flightless, fleeting glances; it wasn't your hand, running too far up my thigh. when we connect it's always at three in the morning
smoking for lovelisten, i need a way to make things up to you. i am afraidsmoking for love6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
of losing and afraid of committing and afraid of being
afraid, which is what makes you a terrible thing. it is not
a particularly nasty thing, i call it equal exchange.
sometimes i will cry because i miss you and i need you and
sometimes i will pretend who i am talking to is you
and in return i will become a better person. we will talk
too, and we will be courteous and polite like strangers
who shake hands and do not sit too close. trains and time
pass and pass and we don't say anything to each other
because if we do, it might be passionate and ignite something
in the other that we do not want to see there. i
kick at the floor and you read subway ads three times over.
in two years i will grow my hair and smoke cigarettes
on your front lawn and howl at the stars and
sell my body because i can't remember ever being able to
breathe in clean air. in two years i will own
nothing but the clothes on my back and a ratty old
Love's loveI've always been the type to just loveLove's love6 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
I've been given many blessings for that love
I'm not capable of tying my heart to just one
Love to me is like the light of the sun
It chooses where it longs to be
And I just let that love flow freely
For this I have experienced great pain
But it's also been my own personal gain
Because if you can love as deeply as I
Sure, you may break down and cry
But you will feel a joy none can explain
Just feeling the tender caress of the rain
My heart may break in two
But I will always love you
Unconditionally, it's what I must do
Always, that way for you
I've learned that I am exactly the way I must be
And if you can't accept that, you can't accept me
So many things have happened between us
It feels like such a painful, wonderful rush
But the time has come for it all to end
It's time for me to let myself mend
I adore the curve of your smile
I'll always love your unique style
However, the price has been paid
The last dance has swayed
I close my eye
Then and NowSomeday, you'll be able to tell him.Then and Now6 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
(You'll both be several years older.
You'll both have jobs. A home. A family)
You'll finally be able to say;
"Hey. I loved you."
And you will mean it, and you will speak in past tense, instead of present, so he can go home to his kids (the ones you babysit every Saturday) and you can still be friends.
(Because he will have forgotten that time you told him there really was no such thing as a past tense "loved". He will have forgotten the time you told him that it was just a comfort word; a word made up by people in couples therapy trying desperately to make it okay to not-be-okay anymore, to make it okay to say goodbye. Or not. That you never really stop loving someone, though you may desperatly wish you could.)
He will have forgotten,
how to tell when you're lying.
losing myself.i refuse to lower my standards because "that's what makes people like you".losing myself.5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
i refuse to gulp down that burning liquid because "it makes you feel so confident and fuzzy".
i refuse to choke down those pretty white pills because "they make the bad things go away".
i refuse to blacken my lungs with cancer sticks because "it shows the world you don't give a fuck".
i refuse to give up my innocence because "no one is a virgin these days".
i refuse to give my heart away to some immature little boy with dirty hands because "he makes me feel so loved and special".
i refuse to be another high school cliché because "everybody else is doing it".
trying to be someone i'm not has been
the stupidest mistake
i have ever made.
from this day forward,
i will honor myself,
body and soul.
i will always try to be myself.
even if i have no idea
who that is yet.
Love LiesFalsify documents,Love Lies6 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
write something new,
tell a simple story,
spin yarns about you.
A little white lie here,
a simple glance there,
and misdirection leads
to love in the air.
sail the atlanticif i ever loved you, it was because your smile never completely stretched out your lips, or because your eyes were blue and deep, but not full, no, never full. they were empty like a vast stretch of sea on the horizon, where you're sitting stranded in the sand and you know there are no ships but you still hope that someone will find you.sail the atlantic6 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
your mind grew rank with thick, strangling weeds. they grew in your head, blotting out the sunlight like a cataract and you didn't laugh anymore. you smiled, but it was more like a grimace, an ironic twist of your mouth and you showed your teeth and your eyes glared instead of wrinkled in the corners. it wrung my heart like wet socks to see the pain you were trying so hard to hide from me. i always heard what you never said.
i'm waiting for the day your heart breaks into the smallest pieces and you can't put it back together again. the day you call me for the last time and tell me how sorry you are, how the weeds in your head have won and that you've r
titles shouldn't be necessaryi am going to be completely honest: i still see a person i love when i look at you. i still miss how your shirts were always soft. i still miss the way your eyes looked close-up. my palms still haven't forgotten what the small of your back feels like, and my stomach still feels like a magnet.titles shouldn't be necessary6 years ago in General Non-Fiction More Like This
you stand out from every crowd i see you in. i single you out automatically, analyze every detail of your face, your hair, the way you slouch.
i search myself for signs of regret, and i have none. you and i simply don't mix.
or maybe that's just it - it isn't simple. we're not like oil and water. we're not like night and day. we are like dusk. you are the sun, and i am the moon, and we only partly overlap.
but when we do, it's a little too beautiful to forget.
his+mine.i won't let you go.his+mine.6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
someday i'll write all about you and i and pretend it was a tragic romance with a lost fairytale ending. but that wasn't how it really happened.
i loved you in some way. i won't say you belong with me, because we both know that would be lying. even so, you don't belong with her either. don't fool yourself. i picked you because you were a lost little boy who wanted to grow up too quickly. that's what they call premature aging, don't you know? it's not your time yet. so why don't you just lie down and breathe the night sky while you can? but you were just a boy. a boy with golden hair, darkened by pitiful sins and bleached skin from all that alcohol you ingested. you were one with ice blue eyes, eyes that had a glacier-like surface. i only scratched a layer of it, but we both know that it would crack and shatter sooner or later.
i was, and still am, a scared little girl. i was lost in my dreams. so were you. instead of finding one another, i thought we could
forget me not.i. we were always trying to remember.forget me not.6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
ii. we tied strings around our fingers, we replayed the scene. it was forever a blur.
iii. we were the fine print on the prescriptions. we were totally and completely unaware. we blindfolded each other, and walked off docks. we stepped out from the thick, salty air, and into some form of relief. our eyes stung, our lips stung, our heart stung, filled with water, and salt, and heaviness.
iv. it all came in a rush.
v. i was searching. i took a compass and a map and a bottle of wishes and climbed to far far away. searching for what, i don't know, but for something that wasn't you and i, something that wasn't inextricably bound into us, because i want to be alone.
vi. alone is easier.
vii. you and i came in a rush.
viii. i took the road less taken; i didn't go the easy route.
ix. we forgot together.
no one really knowsThey gave him a single sheet of paper, one pencil. "Say your goodbyes," they said, "You'll be gone by tomorrow." He lay, curled on his hard thin mattress, facing the cement wall, and ignored them. Ignored the paper, ignored the warning.no one really knows6 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
It was nearly midnight when he finally stood. The moon had risen outside, gleaming through the single window, silhouetting the bars.
He sat up and looked at the paper that had remained untouched on the floor. Say your goodbyes, he thought, and picked up the pencil.
It was an hour before he finally finished. The paper was covered - frantic scribbling filled every inch: dreams, confessions, hopes - all written out at last.
With an air of finality, he laid down the pencil. He stared at the paper, tears blurring the words. Then without a sound, he picked up the paper and began to fold, just like he'd been taught, years and years ago.
Minutes passed and still he bent over the page, his fingers struggling to mimic the creases nearly forgotte
idolizetaking pictures of yourself in your underwear does not mean you are proud of your body.idolize6 years ago in Stories & Vignettes More Like This
you have desensitized me to the word "collarbone", because you use it so fucking much. i look at what you create and i see half-assed scraps of art that used to mean something. you are so afraid of having it stolen that you hide anything precious underneath your bed until you have the rights to it.
well i have news for you: we are all afraid.
but does that stop us?
there is risk in everything. and if you're too stupid to understand that, then why do so many people strive to be like you?
i would risk everything i have given this world to touch, and i mean really touch, some one's heart and soul and mind. to make them understand something they didn't understand before. is that not the reason all of us are here?
everything does </i>not</i> look perfect from far away, and this is not a cry for help.
it's only the truth.it's only the truth6 years ago in Letters More Like This
You never left home without your face on. He came to think that the mascara and the smoky liner were all a natural part of you, as inseparable as your bleach hair and your dripping smile. The artificial colours and the thick black lines, they were all a part of your charm.
And maybe you had a personality, but he couldn't see it beneath all your foundation. You pouted and you laughed and you tongued just like the glittery glamour girls on TV, and no one really cared what was underneath. When the wrapping is gorgeous enough, who cares what the gift is?
You fucked him at his house on a Friday night and the both of you fell asleep on his couch. When you woke up the next morning and picked your clothes off the floor, the sky was grey and his walls were grey and the crunch of cereal in your mouth was drowned out by his snoring.
He woke up and asked for coffee and maybe called you by another girl's name. You put your six inch fuck-me heels on and left, in the hope that the promise of mo
Still Catching My BreathDon't shy awayStill Catching My Breath6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
When I look deep into your eyes
And map the freckles I find there,
Because I know someday
I'll turn up missing
And you won't find me
Crashing with the waves anymore.
I'm done kicking down sandcastles
Because in a sick way,
It reminds me of you
And how it didn't take long
For everything to fall apart.
And the worst part is;
I'm still trying to catch my b r e a t h.