Ego SuicideEgo Suicide12 years ago in General Non-Fiction More Like This
I give into temptation too easily
I have walked on many an eggshell
I buckle under pressure
I am a perfectionist
Heaven forbid I be average [Whatever Average Really Means]
My friends are much too good to me
I have had five minute mental break downs where my whole world comes crashing down
I fall asleep with something on [cd player, tv, radio, record player, lamp]
I am Bi Polar
I have Acute Schizophrenia
I am a Bi-Sexual
My sexuality has been abused for someone else's gain
I believe you can't control or choose your sexuality
I constantly sit in a public places and make up life stories for people who pass by me.
I always check payphones for change.
My stomach has been poked at with a tube sucking out my soul and wishes
I make corny jokes.
I have done things to feel invincible
I burst out laughing.
I am open-sometimes too open
When I look at someone I don't just study their body like most people would, I look into them. I read their little ticks and mannerisms more than any no
BiPolar Love StoryBiPolar Love Story12 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
And i can still smell you on my clothes
And now i know what it feels like to be crushed
And now i know what it feels like to be a novelty
And now i know what it feels like to be drowned
By someone you love
Its all over but i'm still choking on the lies
How can we go on living line after line
i can only stitch myself up so many times
How can all this have happened
Then again it wouldn't have been the first time you threw us all away
i've waited so long for someone like you
To fill my days with ruin
Every smile is a painful reminder
Of how i miss you
Of how much this distance has made my scars itch
All the tears in the world could never stop
All the heartbreaking wreckage
[Did i do that]
i love that i cant get enough but i'd be lying if i said that i didn't expect it
You've past me twice but our eyes haven't met again
You turned my world into remnants of blood in my sink
On my sheets
On my writs
In my heart
Will you pick up the pieces again?
Or let them fall to
The Angel vs. the DemonThe Angel vs. the Demon11 years ago in Typographical More Like This
There are those that fight amongst each other as i sleep.
Across my mind a battlefield as deep
as hollow hell beneath.
The angel and the demon toss and slash and turn about,
the combat everlasting,
as they cry shout.
Every glancing strike releases flash and flash again,
each one bringing me closer to my end.
Within my soul a gothic hall,
lined with pillars and the jagged walls.
The great foundations shake,
atop the roof i hear...
the fabric of my deep subconscious raked.
The angel, with his saddened face,
stood tall and resolute,
with his gold and silvered mace
Glowing like a moon,
he stood against the sky,
chained up like a slave,
he prayed his end be nigh.
From nowhere he had come,
his god that he did serve had never paid his promised sum.
Never had the soldier heard the word that moved his will,
Never had the mighty pawn the conscience blessed
Up above him came the fallen one,
not yet sundered or undone.
Highest of the ranks from burnin
s o m e n i g h t ss o m e n i g h t s12 years ago in Songs & Lyrics More Like This
Somewhere along the unsteady line
I swallowed a pretty pill
Choked on it not once, but twice
And said I was fine
With residue staining my black tongue
I ignored the bitter taste
Pride held high on a head that hung
So damn naive
Too damn hard to believe that
Some nights I want too much
Some nights I'm not cold enough
Some nights I need too much
Some nights I'm not tough enough
Never tough enough
Somehow I saw that shaky line
Break down in front of me
I took the lead; fell apart
As I realized I'm not fine
With a now sweetened tongue
I wash away the bitter taste
Pride's gone, but my head's not hung
Still so naive
But now I know that
Some nights I want too much
Some nights I'm not cold enough
Some nights I need too much
Some nights I'm not tough enough
Never tough enough
Wanting arms to hold me
That aren't my own
Tonight I can admit
I don't want to be alone
I want too much and I'm not cold enough
I need too much and I'm not tough enough
Not nearly tough enough
Red Light PledgeRed Light Pledge12 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
The light turned yellow and you stopped
[somewhere along 6th avenue]
on our way to the after party.
Waiting at the red, slowly penetrating through the window
I looked over to you,
You silhouetted so softly against new snow,
Letting go of the steering wheel
you reached over and took my hand
It didn't take much to understand;
we both knew what would follow.
But right before the light turned green
I saw your lips move,
[beginning and forming those words.]
It'd be much better if I hadn't heard
So please excuse me,
p r e t e n d t o d r e a mp r e t e n d t o d r e a m11 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
A hazy kiss born from the heart of a wandering child
Lingers upon these lips that used to exude pale purity,
Now smeared with dirt and dripping liquid rust
A kiss that dares not venture forth into a waiting void
Storybooks covered in dust from years of neglect
Lie across the barely naked floor that remains hollow
Swollen eyes refuse to open in the piercing darkness
As I settle for running cold fingertips across the covers
A languid soul retreats back to the harness that held it tight
Away from the emotions that let me fly back into deceit's grasp
Firmly strapped to everything that is never real anymore
A soul that shivers with one more lifeless breath
Spiderwebs thick with a simple fool's last meal
Cover the path that once contained merely thorns
Blistered feet hold back the steps that wait to be taken
As I settle for a shadowed dance with an eager stranger
A restless body tries to float in the lukewarm water
While I watch comfort drift down to a place I can't reach
With hands that ach
A New OutlookA New Outlook12 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
The useless friend sits and gazes upon the others judging and condescending her.
Her shattered life means nothing to them;
she is all but an inconvenience.
She begins to slip in and out of reality trying to escape the incessant downward spiral to the deep depression which consumes her.
The mutilation that the hatred from others has caused on her innocent body is, at times, too much to look at.
Her eyes are a blank and her mind seems empty.
Her pale face looks upon the world now with no expression.
She has no wants or needs except that this suffering will soon come to an end.
The thoughts and questions that she finds herself asking are somewhat morbid yet valid to the tolerant and understanding souls.
Many have tried to assist her in the torment; offering stories of their own anguish and torture
Alone in the Rain - SilverLighAlone in the Rain - SilverLigh11 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
Standing out here alone in the rain
Trying to wash away all of my pain
Drowning the sorrows from past years
Hiding from my nightmares and fears
The rain just gets harder and faster
I miss the good times and the laughter
I hide from it out here in the wet and cold
And I suffer from the things I've been told
The rain follows where tears once went
The rain like the pain shows no repent
I suffer for everything I am deep inside
And I remember the tears I once cried
I look around and see puddles of rain
Getting deeper and deeper like the pain
The puddles that used to be puddles of tears
The feelings and thoughts from all my fears
I can't explain to you the way I feel
And maybe by standing here I'll heal
I'll somehow wash away some of the pain
And I'll just stand here alone in the rain.
To Never ReturnTo Never Return12 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
To Never Return
He was my immortal love.
Eternal light fed his veins,
And he gave himself to my fangs.
For that he was a tortured angel.
Like a plague who has found it's prey,
My craving could not be quenched,
For I was a vampire captivated,
Undead, yet dying in his arms.
I drank deeply of his soul,
Devouring his flesh,
I drew him deeper into my abyss.
And with every bite, his light withered.
And with me, his wings delved deeper.
And the more I consumed,
The more we were torn asunder.
We were both lost.
I was to die.
He was to never return…
(c)2004 Joseph Palladino
Erotica Challenge - xXaNNaXxErotica Challenge - xXaNNaXx13 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
From The Bottom Of My Vulva
Curves, soft, a kiss on the nape of the neck, smile,
Brown, sparkling in the sun, eyes shine, lashes of soot.
Her laugh taunts and appeases--her voice startles
Enigma, the truth hurts and lies are to be whispered
when spoken, but this is who I am.
Take a number, because there are many who ask and they
are often denied,
Falling into a slippery throat through a mouth open wide.
Her hands upon his hands as they descend to her waist,
A touch just for the feeling and a kiss just for the
Cheek to her jawbone, lips to flesh..how numb one's
skin can be,
When the senses are pinched and pulled ever so slightly.
Her emotions are nothing more than a fruit-filled
cornucopia--slow to develop and bittersweet,
Fingers to her navel while stoically looking into the
eyes of the one whose knees are bent at her feet.
There is a world inside of her that no one has seen..
uncharted and plagued by rain showers,
Grown men would kill one another just to be able to
h e l l o a n d g o o d b y eh e l l o a n d g o o d b y e11 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
With a wince and a plastered on smile
Say hello to the dull grey mourning
Step out into black light
soak it up
Get ready to crawl another endless mile
Don't step outiside the line
Everybody single file
Pay close attention to every detail
The script is in your head
You know the role you have to play
inside and out
Take a subconscious breath and set sail
Before you derail
Watchful eyes keep you on track
Tell them what they want to hear
Make it sound pretty
just for them
Hang truth on the rusted iron rack
And don't look back
Say goodbye to what you lost today
Wasn't that much to begin with
but it was yours
Go to sleep to greet your pain
It's there waiting to lay you down
you won't be ignored
Dying Inside Crying OutsideDying Inside Crying Outside13 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
You're walking away,
your bags have been packed
for awhile now.
Staring at the door,
with your hand on the knob,
you suddenly turn around
and smile in a way..
that I'll miss everyday..
for a lifetime.
Just go, don't wait
for waiting brings hopes.
Hopes that tear my heart apart.
Taking a step closer,
you take my hand and
as a tear slides down my face
"I'll never forget you..
inside, I will always love you."
I never thought I'd live to see this day.
But with one last embrace, you're gone.
The sound of the door closing behind you
makes me want to take my last breath of life.
You left, you couldn't wait.
For waiting would bring hopes,
hopes that would tear your heart apart.
Asian Sky: A PoemAsian Sky: A Poem5 years ago in Songs & Lyrics More Like This
but never tense
with a daze
almost of cream
the caress of you
is but a dream
Sultry, but cute
at the very same time
the bells shall surely chime
Every so often
a bountiful pair
but you timelessly have
soft, silky hair
I see that smile
I hope that you
will stay a while
As I finalize
I sincerely don't mean
to steal some words from Vai
I too wish
to be alive
in an Asian Sky
P a i n t e d S o u lP a i n t e d S o u l12 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
As darkness settles in for the night
I look at the stained canvas before me
With my weary, jaded eyes
No longer wondering
If it ever resembled white
An azure hue
Takes it's place in the background
As a burgundy glaze
Onto the already saturated floor
With realization sinking in
I fall asleep with a disfigured brush
Still gripped in my aching hand
There's no use in letting go
Tomorrow will just force me
To bleed more colors
Onto my already painted soul
The Final Thank YouThe Final Thank You12 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
All eyes on the calendar
Another year I claim of total indifference
All days leading up to this day are just hours upon hours of letdowns
To here, the days pile up
fridaynights black dog tavernmy morning comes in the afternoonfridaynights black dog tavern11 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
a breath revealing faint cigarette smoke
Good Morning Beautiful Memory
of last night's bar escapade
just when you thought you'd forgotten
the not-so-subtle dating rituals
of the ever-so-lonely
inhaling smoke into rotten lungs
hoping to find true love
or something short of...
Letting GoLetting Go12 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
i close my eyes & imagine being by your side
can't get you out of my mind
i fight this battle inside my heart, inside my soul
i cannot look, i may go blind
being without such beauty & passion
that i've yearned for so, so many countless days
i'm twisting, turning in all directions
where do i start?
which way do i go?
i've wanted it this way, they've wanted it that way
always seeming to win me over
this time it seems oh so different
no prerequisite, no high expectations
just me, myself, & i
that is all that is wanted this time
i want to run, i want to turn away,
bury myself in doubt
i'm fading in, fading out
i want to crash and burn
i think i may just sream & shout
at the top of my lungs
would you hear?
would you care at all?
what if by chance i fall?
would you flinch, move a muscle,
move an inch to help me in time of need?
would i be able to entrust myself once more?
as i bawl, tears fall down,
my knees cave in, i hit the floor
i lie awake, confused & lost
all torn up & criss-crossed
Because porn stars aren't fatBecause porn stars aren't fat11 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
So I walk in, sit down on that leather, rotten-plastic smelling chair, and I scrutinize this doctor. She's a wheat blond, the plain face of an intelligent woman, and she looks like the sort of lady that flosses every morning. A floppy body, she looks like she's getting a little chubby, her stomach slightly bulges from her ruffled light green blouse. Menopause will hit her hard. It's not that noticeable, but when you have a body obsession you tend to notice these things. She looks at me, and smiles all wide like she's so glad to have me here to bitch.
"How are you Marieanne"
"Would you care for some peppermints?" She mentions towards the glass bowl of peppermint candies. They're red and white and they look like they're staring at me. Sad, pathetic googly eyes.
"Now I understand that you were requested here because your classmate found you vomiting in the girl's bathroom?"
"Do you do this often"
I couldn't ever be anorexic, what else could I do? Anorexic peo
Rip away it all but oneYou can steal my heartRip away it all but one12 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
You can steal my everything
You can rape me of my emotions
You can dishearten my hopes
You can crush my dreams
You can make my love apethetic
Here have my joy
Grab my happiness
Rip away my luck
suck away my life
But im sorry if you try to take my soul one of us will die....................