What is noi was looking for someone once,What is no8 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
it wasnt you,
but i found you instead.
i wasnt disappointed so much as surprised
but life takes different courses
as rivulets of tears and blood down my cheeks
you know. you do.
when realisation hits you like a knife in the guts
spewing forth your last meals,
and all the tubework you knew you had, but never have had the pleasure of viewing.
i remember the day i saw my first.
i remember the day i saw my first.
i remember the days of everythings
but i like to shut it out
i like to remember sunshine
even if the warmth i feel on my face in closed eyes
is the heat of anger
the rain i feel,
of points to shoot off from
sentinels bolting down,
canoeing across lands expanses.
to battlegrounds of fingermarks.
i could tell you all a story
whilst telling myself, for the first
i could say to her what i lied about
but it wouldnt make it better
and phone calls from nowhere are so lovely frightening
i hang up after the first hello
i love the way i say ithow come perfection could be the smile of apology you made when you were always latei love the way i say it8 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
how come perfection could be
velocity isnt lost each time
the bounce has changed
there arent enough sides inside
my skull to play any
two taughtYou were me in my dream. I watched you placate myself with nervous flickings of my fringe behind my ears. Smoke curled around my splutterings as you habitually inhaled, forgetting it wasnt your body; those werent your lungs.two taught7 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
I tried to warn you before you looked into my satchel; you made me take out a handful of balled up tissues, bunches of forgotten receipts and a half empty notepad, with some useless words scrawled joylessly across the half full. No pen.
Curses started to back flip continuously out of my mouth, words you had always said, and I had never wanted to. I tried to tell you that I didnt mean what I was sayingbut stopped shortrealising.
I wanted to know why you felt the need to. But I knew, because you were me, and I was you, so I had toright?
In my dream I was you. Your fingers, your hands; I traced your right forefinger around the loop on your left thumb. Followed the spindly branches of your life line, resting on your luck lines and sl
I wish you could seeSo many people love you like they want to be you, I just love you.I wish you could see8 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
Wandering around in circles only gets you to one place.
I chose the maze that is you
The next moment could be my New Year.
Clocks don't need to tell me that.
Your silence and broken words say so much more.
Speak, I am hanging on to every word
Face shapes that make you smile, even softly.
Are the shapes you cover in kisses.
They are worth every tear.
Strength and pride are only worth so much.
Humility, love with out conditions, honesty.
Things like that make me.
Chasing fairies isn't' foolish.
Loving you isn't stupid.
Dancing naked is purely a frame of mind.
I miss the smell of your sweater.
Your memories paint my walls.
Your taste is missing from my mouth.
I've come this far to see your faults, and flaws.
You broke a thousand promises.
I forgive you
running through the messesyou trick your mind,running through the messes8 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
you forget all the impulses,
you silence the routines and fractures of memories isolating your every moment.
you take a long cold drink.
you rest your head against the wall for some stability.
you let your mind drain out the sludge you keep there rotting.
you stop the motions,
you stop them just before they start,
you volley your thought processes into another direction.
you loosen your grip,
you let it take hold of you for just a second,
you allow yourself to give in to the screaming and all of the rushing voices.
you do this
you do this so you can
you do this so you can just go on.
Just dead pieces of you...its soJust dead pieces of you...8 years ago in Other More Like This
When I rewrite the bible...I thinkWhen I rewrite the bible...8 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
everyone needs to be in love; I think
everyone needs someone to tell them they're amazing.
(Because sometimes, we forget that
we perform miracles
in the way we look at one another.)
(And really, I think we're all saints that way. And love
should be a religion; not the love of God, but the love of sunsets
and long eyelashes
and air guitar
and spy movies
and secret ticklish spots
and flavoured coffee. And then,
we could be pious in our kisses, and we would all believe in heaven.)
When no one is around youLook, I'm going to start saying your name like a swear word, okay? I'm going to muster all my little kiddedness and scream it like I can offend someone, see.When no one is around you8 years ago in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
I'm just going to say it at inopportune moments, and clasp both of my hands over my mouth when I say it in front of the wrong people.
I'm not going to say it like a magic word anymore, I'm not going to say it like it invokes enough happiness in a papercup that I can swallow down and easily discard of the carrier. Crush.
Well then. I'm just lying arent I?
I'm not going to say your name at all anymore; I leave it up to the screams.
The priceWould you be angry if I stopped right here. Got off and let you down.The price8 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
Got up and left you there. Stopped myself up and said no, no more.
I think I would be angry. I think I would not want you to dance upon those streets alone, frisking to the fro. And gruyere dripped from lips I wouldn't be wiping, crumbs of boudin noir I wouldn't be laughingly picking out of your beard. You've got a little… here… no there…
I'm sure I would be angry, but I'm angry anyhow, and location displacement makes all the difference how?
I wouldn't be the one idly picking flowers, hummingly, sweetly when I know I shouldn't be, you reclining on elbows, watching me as if I were your muse again. And modern symphonies and growls and shriekings (I'm not using you for your lyrics you know) I know. I know.
When I come to place booted feet onto grounds he hasn't walked upon since he was eighteen. You won't be there.
When and if I brave the tips of icebergs in countries I shouldn't be travelling, you won't be there (let's
1 + 1To let go.1 + 18 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
To give in.
To stop calling your name.
To say nothing.
To look but not touch.
To throw away one more thing that means everything to me.
To let the bitter edge of time win.
To let paper hearts crumble.
To admit this smile can never shine enough to brighten your dark.
To give up the ghost.
To give back one sweater.
To turn around and say your right.
All equates to my destruction.
I am no Juliet.
You could be no Romeo.
So I can not admit that you are the last thing I truly felt.
Can not admit to sin, to crying my self sick, to shortage of breath.
Admit one when I long to be two.
One me - One you
One beating heart creating just another sad story
Girl finds boy. Boy engulfs girl with feeling. Girl runs to boy. Boy kisses away until he is gone away. Girl never smiles quite the same.
Newspaper headlines aren't my forte.
My calling was you.
To say anything less then you is nothing is one more bitter truth found in poetry
But not in
becoming y.I was brought up well.becoming y.8 years ago in Transgressive More Like This
My mother taught me to feel guilty about everything.
And of all the boys that ever flailed their cocks at me like I owed them that kind of therapy, you were the only one that made me feel like a fucking whore.
but i want to go back to there, to then, to that time. not now. not here. not this.
this is shit.
i am in read-only mode.
give me some hope for other people
i'll sleep when the room stops spinning, when the thoughts stop coming
got none left for me
i try to make as little noise as i can. in whatever i do.
i smile at little kids. they tend to smile back.
it's like infiltration, a pretty package, with a lot of bastards at the ready on the inside.
coax, lie, debilitate with kisses. be pliant when in first rhythms, then never change, then only ever force change
you lied first. you lied so many times, that there are whole periods that i can't reconcile
in my mind with reality. its all a bit incongruous.
then you, you say, stop dwelling on the pas
no thingi know my name is different on every tongue utteredno thing8 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
i know my voice is heard in your way, not mine
i know whatever i release into their world, it can never be mine again
i know that holes in walls can't be glued back together with kisses
i know that once i finally wash these clothes i can still smell you
i know giving up on things for sakes of someone's elses will only make me worse
i know that following old pathways will only lessen my resolve
i know that laying in my supposed self-delusion is only re-enacting my adolescence
i know that allowing myself to open up will only end in destruction
i know that falling into old habits is what always saves me
i know that not allowing myself will only bleed me dry
i know that i should shoot the birds and not myself
i know these words look better on paper than anywhere else
i know that my memories default to what i like to lie to myself about
i know the edges come out clearer when i look red razor eyed
i know the cracks appear when i stop drinki
Cloudy DaysIf you could wipe the clouds from my skyCloudy Days8 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I would never ask you to
We all need rain sometimes
Even when we miss the feel of the sun
If it weren't for the rain
How would we know when it was warm and bright?
And how would things grow?
And how could we jump in puddles getting our socks all wet?
Instead of trying to do the impossible
Trying to change my heart, my thoughts
Please just hold my hand
And maybe wipe away some tears
I need to walk this path to be me
But I don't always want to walk it alone
So be my cheerleader, be my sunshine when the clouds won't part
But let me feel the rain
She Said, He SaidAnd She said;She Said, He Said7 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
You're beautiful when you're thinking
And you shine when you smile
You're complicated when it's simple
Yet you're so easy to understand
Your hands are warm around my fingers
And I like it best when I'm with you
Just to sit and watch the thoughts flit across your face
As I think about you
And how I love you
And always have
And He said;
Am I Worth ItQuick defences and an army of resentmentAm I Worth It8 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
Hastened apologies- you never really meant this
And everything you ever told me
I tucked away in this memory
A small, forgotten star upon I never wished
Tell me, what do you keep fighting for;
If there's nothing left to live for anymore?
I tripped and fell and your hands were there to catch me
But they slipped and closed around my throat
Oh, I wish I'd never told you
But apologies had never pulled one through
A liar stands a liar
Until you take away the lies
And an angel's not an angel
He's just a devil in disguise
And I watched you fall from hell as they chipped the wings away from your back
My lonely, inept angel with eyes of warmest black
You gave away your soul, now you realise with dismay
And I'm sorry that I hurt you but I can't change yesterday
So tell me, what do you keep fighting for
If I'm not worth it anymore?
Never Mind MeI'm supposed to be the one you wantNever Mind Me8 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
It's supposed to be me
The one who smiles back at you when you smile
And the one who laughs at all your jokes
The one who actually returns your calls
And remembers everything you tell her
The one who minds if you mind
And the one who would gladly lay her life on the line just to save yours
Guess who it is
I'm supposed to be the one you want
lappedi want to be sp i ltlapped8 years ago in Typographical More Like This
white bl ms of cream ing
i want to be spilt all over
all over [the floor]
[all over you]
...would you cry over me?
Do You Ever Miss Me?Don't you ever miss her?Do You Ever Miss Me?8 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
That girl in your dreams
You said you were in love with her
But that love was never seen
Yes, don't you ever miss her?
The only thing you can think about every hour of every day
And when they're triggered
The forgotten memories
Of fondness and smiles
Don't you ever miss her?
When you're all alone
And you hug your knees to your chest
And dream of her warmth
What her skin would've felt like against yours
How her voice would've sounded in your ear
It's gone now
But you miss her
Do you miss me?
Clocks Keep TickingI don't want to fall into another dream of youClocks Keep Ticking8 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Because waking up to reality is just too hard
I don't want to relive another memory
Because that just reminds me of how sweet you are
And that's no good for keeping me angry at you
Why can't I let myself hate you?
In a world where we're drawn to other peoples faults
And I can't pick a single one out in you
Let me hate you, dammit!
But I can't...
There's no time for anything but to love you
Dead MemoriesSometimes I think it's goneDead Memories8 years ago in Scraps More Like This
That finally it's melted away
But on closer inspection
It's beating stronger every day
And still I try to deny it
It's getting harder and harder to do
And though I compress, extinguish these feelings
My heart still beats steadily for you
What once was fickle admiration
Has grown to seemingly endless heights
And the bittersweet arguments we had every day
Are now just memories of those fights
And now she's back
In the corner of your eye
I know you're watching her
Sneaking glances on the sly
Just tell me what it is that makes her so desirable
Tell me what and I promise I'll change
In the blink of an eye
What I remember can change so suddenly
That I can't even remember why...
I started this in the first place
Worn AwayMy peaceful tempermentWorn Away8 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
These placid eyes
Becoming worn and weary
Patching the holes
But the patches peel away
Revealing the tattered pieces
Of my used up soul
mosaicand we'll go on living our livesmosaic8 years ago in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
and we'll go in pretending
and we'll go out ignoring
the truths we never face
and we'll go on dying inside
and we'll go on exchanging
this for that, and every other else
to try and substitute
and we'll go on living our lives
and we'll go on living
and we'll go
we'll go on living our lives
because the best parts are always broken
because the best ones are always shattered
and you can never fix what was never whole
Hold My Hand... Or ElseScribbled initials on an old notebook coverHold My Hand... Or Else8 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
I'll link your name to mine
Encircled with a border of rushed pen hearts
Being smitten is no obvious crime
Your name next to mine just looks so heartstoppingly perfect
So I'll write 'Mr + Mrs Charming' all over the page again
Words on paper have never been so sweet
In a rush, frenzied lust, it's not a sin
Head tilted and eyes not focused
I replay my favourite memory with you
So I'm living my favourite daydream
And no one has a clue
It's sickenly sweet with a border of class
And I never knew how you felt
Now it's bliss and all I can say is
Hold my hand... Or else
Kind of SadIts kind of sad to say goodbyeKind of Sad7 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
When I know that no matter how much I talk myself into it,
Im still going to miss you
Its kind of sad to stop believing
Even though I know you could never keep your promises
Im still going to trust you
Its kind of sad to let you go
Cause coming second place just isnt worth the distance
Im still going to hold you close
Its kind of sad that its come to this
But the saddest thing isnt that I dont want you anymore, its that you made the choice for me.
I'm still going to love you.