I (don't) want to be aloneI want to be aloneI (don't) want to be alone1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
So no one can hear me screaming
So I can bleed out my pain
So I don't have to hide the problems
And the wounds
I want to stay here alone
Fighting my inner demons
With no help
Nobody to feel my pain
Nobody to fight for me
I want you to leave me alone
So you won't get caugh
In my spiral of darkness
And self destruction
Please (don't) leave me alone...
not all humans go to heavencock itnot all humans go to heaven2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
april 23 2008
“bye mom. i love you so much, i swear
i’ll be home soon.”
“please, you’re only eighteen, you have your
whole life ahead of you, please
don’t throw it away.”
“i’m going, mom. i’m going overseas
but i swear i’ll be back before you
miss me. love you!”
most nights he shakes himself awake
with the vision of bombs and fire and bullets
still imprinted on his eyelids.
he doesn’t know what to call them.
the dreams, i mean.
what do you call bad dreams when
you’ve already lived the nightmare?
his therapist says his problem
is he thinks he’s not normal, that he doesn’t fit,
that he’s a special kind of monster.
she tells him that the key is figuring out the ways
that he’s the same.
so when he’s alone, or worried or stressed
or tired or hurt or wishing he were dead,
he traces over his collarbone and says
No Turning Back†††††"You're sure you know what you're doing, young lady?"No Turning Back3 years ago in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
†††††"And you're certain you want to go through with this?"
†††††I take a deep breath. "Yes."
†††††A sly grin. "Right this way."
†††††The tall, wiry man steps out from behind his desk and motions me to the back of his dark, musty antique shop. I'm only slightly hesitant in following, wondering suddenly if this isn't the kind of situation in which a girl might be taken advantage of. But amongst the shop's many ancient items, I catch a glimpse of a thin-bladed samurai sword to my right, and reassure myself that, were Mr. Beanpole here to try anything funny, I could simply lunge for the sword and wield it for all its worth. I nod, pleased with if not proud of my plan of attack.
†††††The shop keeper ducks to avoid hitting his head on the ceiling fan as we move farther and farther back. He looks back to make sure I do the same. I don't; I'm only five foot three.
†††††"Come along, come along, you haven't much time!"
if alice in wonderland was set in 2012,i might cut my hair if it didn't remind me of you,if alice in wonderland was set in 2012,11 months ago in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
but just like the fade from september into the pits of october,
i'm not alice, this isn't wonderland, but i am just as surrounded by things that yell,
"eat me! drink me!" and they don't say it but i know they'll all make me bigger,
sadder, fatter, too big to fit into a house, my arms my legs come shooting out,
everything i feel is just too loud-
i should be better than i am.
i should be taking the world by the shoulders, shaking back its shoulders because i am a storm, i am a force of nature and you will take notice-
but my winds are quiet. my rain is sad.
i'm too afraid to swell up in full vigor,
to take what is mine in case it's taken from me again,
i will never forget what you did- in camera flash moments, in sharp moments-
to leave me broken.
there are some cuts that never close up.
there are some things that never get spoken.
and there are some things yo
not always miserablethe last time you kissed menot always miserable9 months ago in Free Verse More Like This
was two augusts ago.
the boston harbour was bluer than
the eyes you so loved
looking back at yours when we said
i never meant goodbye.
take my lips
their feel, their taste
and press them to your own
i love you and will not
take you for granted.
i am so happy to be
in and on itself.
but time does not forget.
i remember the first time you kissed me
and how much i trembled,
my first kiss and you told me i could do better
so i melted
my face in your hand,
and let our skin stitch to the other
with the beads of excitement
that rolled down our fingers.
i know from the thick of my marrow
that the weight of your arm
(the first time)
was so immense, it should have taken
fifteen men to move it, tree-like,
to around my shoulder;
i remember the heat of your nerves
and the vibrations of mine,
getting to know one another.
(i think they fell in love, too.)
Post-It Notes to Send Back in Time (part 2)i.Post-It Notes to Send Back in Time (part 2)7 months ago in Free Verse More Like This
You own your own body.
Your life is yours.
And don’t let
tell you otherwise.
It’s okay to believe in God.
It’s okay not to.
And it’s okay to go back and forth
between the two
because no god worth believing in
would punish you
for doubt or disbelief.
Learn how to take a compliment.
Invisibility isn’t so bad.
When people notice you
they scrutinize you.
If they don’t see you
you have ultimate freedom.
So don’t be afraid to hide in that corner.
Own that corner. It’s yours.
Pay no heed to art snobs.
Don’t be an art snob yourself.
Remember how you were told
that every time you “sinned” it was
equivalent to crucifying Jesus
all over again
so every mistake you made
no matter how small
made you feel like you’d killed someone?
Yeah. That was bullshit.
It’s okay to not have a boyfriend.
It’s okay to not want one.
Hate is not the problem,
it’s what you h
the last magic I believe inIt's been years and I'm still here. Recycling the same sentences. Stuck in the same words. Buried in a past that doesn't quite belong to me anymore. It's funny how with enough distance nothing ever looks real anymore. It's like the way I can stand four miles from the lakefront and can still see the horizon. Clashing blues and greens. A straight line of water against an even straighter line of sky. And that's it. It's everything and it's nothing and for a little while I can pretend I'm somewhere else. Somewhere new. That I can see an entire ocean sprawled out in front of me, instead of the dirty familiar waters of Lake Michigan. I've grown up here and I've grown apart from here, but I'm stuck at the top of the hill on the corner of the street that my sister lives on and I just want to run and run and run and never look back, but that's not all there is. That's not all that's left.the last magic I believe in7 months ago in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
It's so much bigger than that so I trace the familiar roads back to my home and I sit in my living room and
I've Really Lost My MindThe young man smiled, with just a touch of embarrassment. “I seem to have lost my mind.”I've Really Lost My Mind8 months ago in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
The female attendant looked at him. “This is a railway ticket office.”
“You want the lost property section over there.” She pointed at a counter where a severe-looking man was rearranging misplaced umbrellas.
“Thank you!” The young man nodded politely and headed across to the other section.
The lost property attendant looked up as the young man approached. “Is it an umbrella you want?” He indicated the display.
The young man appeared to be tempted for a moment by a purple one decorated with cats and dogs, but then apparently remembered why he was there.
“No,” he said. “I’ve lost my mind. I’m pretty sure here was the last time I used it—I was trying to work out what would be the cheapest ticket to Inverness on a weekday in June, outside peak hours, travelling with my back to the engin
You intrigue MeYou intrigue Me12 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
You intrigue me
Our likeness burns in my heart
So close, I could almost touch your lips
But I turn away
I mustn't let this little secret ruin me
I think I might belong to you
But Ill never love again
I've become devoid of happiness
I've forgotten what it's like to taste sweet love's embrace
I yearn to be remembered on a cold December's eve
To have you call, knowing it was just to hear my voice
And then hear a simple "I love you" followed by a pause, my ditto, and a click
It's no matter
I'm done with all of that
All that's left is you
on marrying medusaso sheon marrying medusa3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
told me, hair water-
falling down over her
ship's deck shoulders, that
she would like to be
with me: we
could write stories, said
air; the ground splitting
beneath me into warring
factions and i
had been standing on the
17th parallel for
too many years now, as the
pressure escalated up, up, and
"you won't be happy,
with me," (her stainless steel
nails dig deep into
my serotonin skin as she
takes her place beside
me from the
fall) "no, you
assures me, "but then,
again, you never
but with me, she
slurs, rolling perfect
-ly spherical marble
eyes and running her
skeletal fingers through the
swirling cascade, you could
write a story; you could
be a story.
and see, poet, i
had always longed to
be a heroine and, failing
that, a work of
ships, she and
i: sent them out to
stormy sea and
sink as she
when the world threatens to break your spiritstay soft,when the world threatens to break your spirit9 months ago in Free Verse More Like This
my darlings; there
is no other love that
is as beautiful as
this kind of love.
let the wild flower
grow from your tongue
when you speak; there
is no other language as
honest as this.
and let the tides
rise and fall from your eyes,
for even your sadness is
a blessing and will leave
SoakingI remember everything about that night. The tiny details- the time on the dashboard (10:12),Soaking4 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
the last lyric I heard ("Come back down here, I'll show you where it hurts"),
the color of the car coming at us(red)- stick with me more than anything.
And then Grace's words, her last words on this earth-"David, look out!"-before the headlights swallowed everything whole.
I remember her hand suddenly reaching up and grabbing mine, the way she looked into my eyes in that last second before the darkness set in, her face full of calm and love and acceptance rather than panic, as if she knew that that was the last image I would have of her.
As if she knew what was waiting for her.
As if she had accepted it.
On the day that they buried her, the sky cried with the mourners and got everyone's fancy black shoes wet as they stood in the grass around her final resting place with their umbrellas up, creating a black wall between the beautiful dead and the sky she'd loved so much.
I went without an umbrel
muteit’s two in the morning somewheremute1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
where it’s quiet except for breathing
that’s loud enough to hear from here.
convince yourself you’re alive;
you’re the only one that can.
here is a game we played as children:
we pretended language was something only
to be seen on paper,
we make-believed the worst injury
we could get was those made by
trees and rocks while our bones weakened
under the attacks we tried to endure
of words like, “fat” (before
we even knew how much we weighed)
or “stupid” (before
we even realized that it
doesn’t matter what 9 times 8 is
as long as no one figures out you don’t know.)
sticks and stones may break our bones
don’t tell me words don’t do any damage.
don’t tell me you don’t think of yourself as a weapon
every time you open your mouth,
don’t tell me what exactly you think of me,
don’t tell me anything, i think you’ve said enough.
let’s just be silent,
the failed escape artistshe is a snowflake-skinned sighthe failed escape artist1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
floating on the winds of Eurus,
playing tic-tac-toe on her skin.
she always comes out the loser
standing on the road between
two worlds, she wonders when
she started to read the map wrong,
†††††because this isn’t the
†††††second star from the right.
she can burn the pictures,
but she can’t burn her memories.
†††††††††††††††and damn it,
her wanderlust is trying to
pull her up, up, and away
but the desolation is keeping
its slimy tentacle wrapped
around her ankle and
against this cold.maybe if i had drunken more milk my bones would have been stronger,against this cold.9 months ago in Free Verse More Like This
maybe if i had not read so many magazines i wouldn't have spent
all of my senior year tearing myself apart and trying to puke my insecurities out.
maybe if i hadnt had spend so many nights out with him,
maybe if i had have gone to colorado with you that summer.
maybe if i had have picked those fucking secrets out from beneath your teeth,
and peeled them from under your tongue.
maybe then i would have been able to stop you.
maybe then i wouldn't be here.
maybe you would.
Coffin Heartwhen the monster's comingCoffin Heart1 year ago in Songs & Lyrics More Like This
out for a walk
well, you know that I can't
boss it 'round like a dog
you can scream out all you want
that I'm strong
but I'm not
so lay your last hopes to God
when the heavy seas are
rising over me
will you save me from
drowning in my own deep
I'm the wreckage of
an old pirate ship
so give away what's left of me
I'll make you cry
I'll make you bleed
are you plain idiots or is this just me?
because I'll break
and you'll just say
because we love you anyway
when I'm fallen on the ground
will you pull me out
of my coffin heart?
will you rescue me from serving
will you walk me
all the way to the light?
when the glass shards
on the floor
get too many
when the pressure I put on you
gets too much
will you still remember that I am
because I would not be that patient
if you ask
saving the hopeless
is not an easy task
I'll make you cry
I'll make you bleed
are you plain idiots or is this just me?
because I'll break
Amber and Muddied RedI think I finally knowAmber and Muddied Red10 months ago in Free Verse More Like This
What color your voice is.
It's some sort of amber tone,
Like I told you before,
But what I couldn't put my finger on
Was the pearlescent overlay
Of muddied red,
Like your heartbeat,
Like your bass guitar,
Like the shirts
You always wear so proudly.
But even though it's clearer now
Than ever in my mind's eye,
I still don't know the name
For such a mixture of color,
And I haven't heard
Your voice in a while.
PrisonerI hold the gauze against my lips,Prisoner10 months ago in Free Verse More Like This
embrace the snow white fibers of its being -
embrace the cotton candy-like tresses
ready to catch each speck of blood
that will fall from my stitched mouth.
Tonight, I'll break my vow of silence -
my long-contained ghostly manner,
no matter how much my mouth bleeds.
For words weren't meant to be confined
behind slithers of rusted wire;
phrases weren't meant to run dry
behind tired, parched tongues.
Tonight, the clock will cease to tick,
the rosebuds - cease to bloom.
And my voice - cease to be muted
behind the once ivory bandage.
2: the first questionThe first thing I noticed was the fez on her lap. I saw it as I scanned the tube for empty seats; a flash of red in the corner of my eye. It perched delicately on her thighs like a small, unassuming puppy that stared at passerby with large eyes, silently daring them to challenge its right to be there. I gaped at it; the train started forward with a jerk and I had to grab onto the metal pole in front of me to keep my balance. The ungainly motion of my body lurching forward caught the eye of the fez's owner; I saw her look up at me quickly, then duck her eyes down to her hands, which were diminutive and pale and folded neatly in her lap, just behind the fez. I sneezed loudly into the sleeve of my trench coat and she smiled. It was for barely an instantóand, it was probably an attack on my limbs and their length and the strangeness with which they movedóbut it was enough to cause an unfamiliar tug inside me, not unlike the movement of the train.2: the first question3 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
overwhelming wordsthere's a lot you can do with wordsoverwhelming words8 months ago in Free Verse More Like This
but sometimes i forget how to do any.
and sometimes i look at a keyboard
and see so many words that come together
from just some of those letters
and there's so much to write
that i don't write at all.
and sometimes i think
i drank deeply from the elixir of life
when i was too young
and when i drank i only drank the words
and i spilled them out in the morning
because the night was too silent to break it.
i wonder if the silence i've kept
is as big as the words i've written.
i'm not writing to be censored
it's not like i do that to myself
when the words come rolling
and i don't let them out,
when i'm running down the street
but don't make a sound,
it's not like i'm afraid to be loud.
i hope you can tell by the heat in my eyes
that my gaze turns steady as soon as i lie.
i hope you know that when i write
and my diction turns from eloquent and quaint
to fucking filthy and raging
that i'm finding myself,
even if that takes years off my life
by looking at
///entry.port:718 (vici)calling for the solar numeral///entry.port:718 (vici)7 months ago in Free Verse More Like This
returned in the airwaves:
while complexity in andromeda abounds, and
"technically our wires are made of copper too,"
[shut.down, command (.me .you .exe)
crackles, pops: snaps together just as good for now,
patterned in plastic after cancer and static]
Endless Night - Second VersionEndless Night - Second Version11 years ago in Horror More Like This
Night had fallen across the sands, and her footsteps were growing slower by the moment.
Still, she trod onward, the goal of her heart ever-present, an entity of its own within her spirit. She knew it lay not far ahead now; her week-long journey was nearly complete.
Does it await me, still, she asked herself, and, expecting no answer, recieved none. She knew she would find out soon the truth of the matter. For good or ill, she was in it until the end, and was glad of it.
An endless eternity, it seemed, had passed since her feet had last traced their way here. The winds had been blowing that time; though they were calm at the moment, she knew they could start again at any given time. This barren waste knew no rules but its own, and those it followed only grudgingly.
Days upon days, time upon time... passing slowly while the air she breathed became blighted with the desire she knew would be coming. The need she would