hometown bluesthey say home is where the heart is,
but they never claimed it had to be beating.
if this town is all there is to living,
then I'm dead,
and these dusty dirt roads
are my sad little gravestones.
there's a harsh winter wind.
but it's the same air I've inhaled
since I first opened my
surgical steel eye to the world.
remember the pale pink dress
I wore to our senior prom?
you held me
under the fuzzy yellow confetti light.
I loved you because you were so gentle,
and when I fell apart,
you were the only person who knew
I could fix myself on my own.
you twirled me like I mattered,
because you knew that one day I would die.
you forgot that you would, too.
you are wrought iron starlight,
my crooked grey dove.
you live in the sidewalk cracks,
moaning my name as I
cautiously step over the gorges.
my mother calls, from time to time.
I've learned to let the phone ring
because her voice is not the one I want to hear.
she's too tepid, unsure.
she's the link strangling me,
pinning me t
pathological liarsI spin, spin,pathological liars2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
on ballet toes,
but my balance is impaired.
I stumble over my own grace
like god is trying to trip me up.
please give me an example
of something that makes me worthwhile.
tonight the roads are winding.
my head is lolling
as I battle myself to keep my eyes open,
and all I can think about is how
the radio stations play
the same goddamn songs
a hundred times in a row.
monotony always frustrates me.
maybe that’s why we didn’t last.
are all carbon copies.
my tattoos frightened you;
you claimed that anything so damaging
shouldn’t be so permanent.
i got them all removed last week.
my arms are bare of ink.
i cut my hair short, shorter than yours,
gave myself a black eye
just to pretend there was a story behind it.
you wouldn’t recognize me anymore,
and I’m so happy I could cry.
you changed your mind, changed your sheets,
changed the woman you loved
like flicking off a switch.
I changed the locks, changed my
vacation artifact."Last summer I took my cell phone to the beach,"vacation artifact.2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
"and the ocean drenched it.
It hasn't worked since then."
She's messy, truly,
a dead battery,
a gauge hovering on empty.
I tell her to call the phone company,
get a back up or refund or some other nonsense.
(her lips didn't move).
For a moment I think
she's going to push me away again,
film up like ankle-cutting sea glass.
"I can't replace it.
I'll lose the last text message
he ever sent me."
I fall quiet because I know.
Today I see the cell phone,
you've been dead for a year, my deari met you on december 21st,you've been dead for a year, my dear2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
the longest night of the year.
you had solstice eyes: cold, dark, alluring.
i knew you were not meant to last,
powerful as a gale but fragile as
the tulip stems you snapped,
a sickening cycle of you,
an overwhelming tidal wave.
they say two wrongs will never make a right,
but i made so many bad choices that
i wound up back where I began.
it was too easy to love you,
but getting you to love me back was impossible.
i clawed at your chest until I struck blood,
until my nails split into shards.
you were born a phantom,
and i, your corpse.
holding onto you felt like drowning in quicksand;
i fought but always sank into your arms.
i breathed in dirt, breathed in dust, and
found my organs choked with you,
smothered by your existence.
you sucked out my breath
every time i kissed you.
i died every day with your hand
knotted in my hair.
You left on june 21st,
the longest day of the year.
i bit down sorrow and deconstructed
the labyrinth within me,
the one you hadn't th
disorder"mirror, mirror, on the walldisorder2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
who's the fairest of them all?"
i whispered to my doleful reflection,
but this was no fairy tale:
this was a small town on a cold, foggy night.
my skeleton was so beautiful
i wanted to showcase it,
give onlookers a glimpse of my impending
death through my very flesh.
i could picture myself, edges carved away
like a cored apple.
i just wanted to feel real.
everyone around me chewed and swallowed so easily
but i just gnawed on my lip until i
tasted blood, and let
a piece of myself die.
the flavor made my mouth water
as my stomach ground out hoarse
requests for expansion, for meaning.
i held nothing within but pathetic yearning,
hollow with self-hatred.
i could only feel affection with pain.
perfection became my obsession,
consuming me alive the way i would have
loved to consume anything at all.
some part of me believe i could be a super model,
and living my life on ambition and emptiness
was the way to do it.
every day i watched the little numbers
five second suicideand as i pour myself out on these canvasesfive second suicide2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
i drip over the edges, spilling dots of
absence on the hungry earth.
they call me jane doe,
and i am not art.
every evening, i close the door,
close my eyes, disassemble.
slowly, i've become fleeting.
i float, my feet don't touch the ground.
how can i crash?
i fade, i dissolve,
but i've lost the motive to explode.
there's no glory in my death;
i leave no trace of the dramatic.
a man on the train last tuesday
nudged me, apologized, and carried on his way.
he's the last person who's
spoken to me since then.
we hit a notch in the tracks,
the car wobbled.
i stared at him silently,
counting the infinite futures
that suffocated behind my teeth.
i'm dying in my own penitentiary
with the cell door key in my pocket.
not fade awayTwisted up in a trap of I.V.s,not fade away2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
she withered and withered away.
Disease stole her lively light
from the sickbed where she lay.
A month before she perished,
I think she might have said,
"I know that I am dying, sure,
but dying's not the same as dead."
lessons in rising abovemy spine cracks from wherelessons in rising above2 years ago in Haiku & Eastern More Like This
you once snapped vertebrae; I
turned my back on you.
lung canceri will die with your name on my lipslung cancer2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
because there is nothing else i'll need to say.
you are my coffin, my funeral pyre.
as my bones disintegrate, popping and snapping,
you will greedily swallow my ashes
until nothing is left of me but secondhand smoke.
i've danced with you, love, across hospital tile,
the scent of antiseptic cloying as valentine's chocolate.
you dipped me into unconsciousness,
and i willingly closed my eyes.
the intrusion of your scalpel teeth no longer scares me.
you, my rigor mortis soul mate, always take me under.
your tent of frostbitten shelter pulls me down, an anchor,
while i gag on pills too abstract to save me.
forgive me, lungs, of my cigarette abuse,
but i've found happiness in a reaper's cloak.
i find comfort in these carcinogens.
i've made my nest in a swaying tree,
my body destroyed by the nauseous rocking.
they smile at me with pity in their eyes,
scribbling nonsense on those jaw-like clipboards.
their crisp, stark white world still has faith in me,
you stoleyou are smoke,you stole1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
and I forget
how the mockingbird
used to sing.
how to miss someone.
you left warm spots in me,
familiar dents and puckers
nothing holds my eyes in place.
they roll from one end of my skull
to the other,
I don't want to see
a world without you in it.
you let this place hollow out
and dry like infinite droughts.
the years age me,
and I don't know who I am
I only remember you,
but I forget that you are gone.
.throw my bones.2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
on the fire just
to warm up your
there and wonder
why you're always
powerless, and reaching."He's the kind of personpowerless, and reaching.1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
who tells me to 'cheer up'
when I'm depressed,"
he says, scoffing,
and I shake my head
"What a useless comment."
He chuckles, agrees,
but I keep thinking about
about all the "cheer up"s
and "just be happy"s
he's heard in his life.
I want to say "cheer up,"
I want my words to magically
cure him, heal him,
crush his depression
in a way that no pills ever could,
but I know it doesn't work like that.
Happiness is not an item
to be obtained with quarters
it is not a country to travel to
in airplanes and sailboats.
Happiness is a change in the wind,
a flicker from east to west
that cannot be upheld permanently.
For him, it is a road
blocked by people who roll their eyes
and tell him to get over himself.
When I wrap my arms around him,
he laughs again,
sinks into my body.
I think about hollow rooms,
sound echoing off the walls.
june fifteenthtoday isjune fifteenth1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
and your fingers between mine,
warm and damp in the heat.
my legs stick to
plastic lawn chairs,
my body sticks to yours
like bubblegum-fresh paste,
melting into you
and liking what it becomes.
black asphalt boy,
you are sizzling leather
and suffocating air
in an overheated car.
we walk across the shore
and the soles of my feet
yearn for the cool damp sand
struggling for breath
between the waves.
"I don't want to
forget this," I say,
and you smile and
close your eyes
like the sun setting,
slowly, streaking down
the sky of your face.
the sun is so far but
you're right here
and I think I might
be in love with you.
I'll move on to autumn
but you'll still be
in summer, forever,
living and living
until the day you die.
ashes to ashesi am the girl withashes to ashes2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
more faith in myths than in
there are more dead bodies in this world than the living.
and if that doesn't frighten you, then i
don't know what would. i guess you could
say that graves are just the closets in which
we hide our skeletons in.
there are ghosts all around us.
and i think that maybe,
i'd rather take my chances down in
the underworld with them than up
here where the earth is slowly
all because of the living.
i gave up on trying to write about youthere are millions of poemsi gave up on trying to write about you2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
detailing the beauty of another’s eyes,
but your eyes, my love,
put all their cherry-picked words to shame.
ew, that verse is disgusting.
way too sappy.
I’m no good at love poems.
okay, hold on, let me
just start over.
you’re freaking excellent
shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
thou art more lovely and more temperate
i can’t take credit for that.
sonnets aren’t my style,
shakespeare beat me to the punch
four hundred some years ago.
uh, i mean, you’re funny
and really cute, like
i seriously love your eyes
because there’s meaning in there
and, and, you make me laugh.
you’re so hilarious.
and I have the drawing you gave me
two years ago, still hidden
folded up in my notebook.
plus, i mean, you’re everything to me.
no big deal, right,
considering the fact that we never
really speak anymore.
oh my god that doesn’t
or maybe it actually is.thisor maybe it actually is.2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
a love poem:
this is not about
me and how i hate
the way realism tastes.
this is about you.
this is about how you
are one too many shades arrogant,
how nearly every night you
try to forget that time has
left you behind. this is
about your laugh and the way it
whispers "i can't remember
what i was like before i
became this." and,
if i'm being honest, this is about
how i will never see your too
cocky for your own damn good grin that
makes me go weak in the knees.
this is about you
and how you're not real and how i wish
to god that i wasn't either.
.you say you.2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
lie because you
care, and i
i know you'd
use the truth
if you really
kryptonite kidi.kryptonite kid1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
"I'll be batman,
and you can be my robin,"
you said with a smile.
(it's just like you
to want to play the hero.
you speak when
someone pulls the string on your back:
you have all the right words.)
when I was a little girl,
I wished I could be a superhero.
all I needed was a radioactive spider,
or hidden powers
or super soldier serum.
I grew up in pursuit of these,
and became an adult when I realized
that I'd never find them.
I miss the days when I believed
all I needed was a cape to save the world.
I knew you weren't the one
because somehow I still wanted a hero,
somehow I still believed they existed:
one person who could rescue the city
all in a day's work.
I knew you had the framework
but not the heart,
a branchless tree
with no roots.
sometimes I stand on the edge,
wishing I could fly
but knowing I never will.
I think it's enough to pretend
I'll learn how one day.
(in other words,
I'm not your sidekick.)
Morpheus Hexi.Morpheus Hex1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
I am the moon walker,
the black coffee athlete
in the star-dotted evening gown.
I am young, but I feel old,
like an antique with
Sleep lives in my shadow,
a morphine caregiver
with gentle hands,
but I dare not fall into his arms.
There is a sad knowledge
in his eyes
that I do not trust.
You left me behind,
but my pillow still
smells like you,
and now my bed feels
like a fucking coffin
without you in it.
Nights like this
make me wonder
what it feels like to die.
It bothers me that
only the dead know,
and they refuse to share their secret.
One day I will find out
the truth for myself,
and that scares me.
Three a.m. teaches you
how to suffer quietly.
Sleep pulls on my sleeve
like a black-cloaked child.
He tells me everything will be alright
(but by morning, I know
he will be gone, and
I will be alone again).
you have seven days to live.1.the news doesn't hurt:you have seven days to live.1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
it's his eyes that hurt you,
the glimmer of his past
creeping in just like
his father used to creep in
at three a.m.
with a sin on his mind
and rage on his hands.
he waits for you to react,
but you don't
because he's suddenly seven again,
while mommy cries
in a ball on the couch.
2.you think time
is a funny thing.
people talk about it
like it is an object:
"I need more time," they say,
like they will go to the store later
and buy more.
but you know that time
is more like an ocean wave,
with an endless
pounding that continues
long after we greet the dirt,
and we want more time,
but time doesn't want us.
3.he tries to force you
into his wrists,
his ankles, his collarbone.
he thinks that if he
loves you enough,
he can save you.
you know that he can't,
so you cut through him
night after night,
searching for an exit.
4.sometimes death scares you.
you remind yourself that
no matter how much you want
with lovei.with love1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
sleepwalking with stars
like bulletwounds, tonight
is for wandering and
loving people I’ve never met.
I have a hole in my heart for
the boy on my bus who balances
the world on his chin as he sleeps.
I’m drawn to a sunshine girl leaking
beams every time she opens her
mouth to smile. and still, I follow
a boy who walks across clouds;
I want to ask him to send me up
like a balloon.
ways I need to be loved:
a hand heavy on my hip to remind me
gravity is more than an ideal, a
soft kiss to bring me back from
other galaxies, a calm whisper
when I’ve run out of words
but the silence is too
I’m severely broken up,
fragments of words and
heartscraps and sky-pieces;
crawling backwards through
open windows trying to find
a home. I’m trying but
I was untaught how to
function, I’m trying to
be correct. I’m trying to
be normal. I’m trying to
be correct. I’m trying.
words I need to hear:
I Love You. i love you
i love you i lov
I know you, I love youWe fall in love with the microscopic, rough-edged details of people. We crave the knowledge of our lovers, crave to know them the way nobody else can. In a way, these idiosyncrasies become our own personal gift, a sliver of our favorite person preserved within ourselves.I know you, I love you1 year ago in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
You love the way he licks his lips twice before saying something important, exactly twice, like he’s counting out two seconds to reclaim his composure.
You love how her fingertips smell like turpentine and lavender when she finishes a painting because she doesn’t stop until her brushes are clean, and then she spends too much time trying to scrub her hands fresh.
You love how he sometimes mouths the lyrics to songs under his breath, just loud enough to be audible over the radio, and you love the way he smiles and blushes and stutters when you notice him doing so.
You love her expression when she reads, shifting and flowing like a hundred butterflies in response to the words on the page; you love the frantic
Evanescentonly the mostEvanescent2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
beautiful of creatures
live the shortest.
red roses and quivering
butterflies and other
useless things, like the
way she wishes on every star
she sees for a different
soul because she can't stand
the way it's rotting inside.
and it's only when
the thorns beneath her skin
start to bleed that her
monsters whisper, "have
you ever trembled, my dear?"
because they know
for every whimper that hides
faintly in the dark,
there is a pair of lips stretched
into a smile pretending
that all that is beautiful
is timeless and unbroken.
painyou're disgusting.pain2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
i hope you know that every time you show your face,
i cringe, collapse into rage.
you flay my body with cutting board scissors
and laugh at the sight of my blood.
it's everywhere, staining everything.
my clothes are ruined,
splotched with your dirty curse.
i can't ignore you
when you're so persistent,
grinding me like coffee beans
to grit beneath your boots.
i'm a shipwreck. you're the bottom of the ocean,
i collapse into bathroom stalls
like a rag doll,
falling on my knees and begging for mercy.
you're the reason i have medication.
i swallow pill after pill,
but they don't let me forget you.
i feel you within me,
twisting, pulling at my guts.
there's some idea out there
that women are like snow-capped strawberries,
but you are the part of me
that releases the bitter, razor-edged leaves.
my mom tells me i'm being melodramatic.
it's just a period, after all.
what to do when he doesn't say it backa)what to do when he doesn't say it back1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
you will give all of yourself to a boy who won't know you at all.
he will recycle your parts, make you stationary, bind you into
paper that he will gift back so you can write poetry about him.
you, too, say i love you quickly.
when he doesn't say it back, evaporate.
he will kiss you in places you didn't know existed.
until him, you were a peasant in your body's palace.
he crowned you princess, broke the lock of your castle's gates.
when he doesn't say it back, load your cannons.
you are a fountain pen.
look him in the eye when you write him letters on your skin.
when he asks to read them, surrender.
you have always been this way: too eager
to make wildflowers bloom inside of him.
when he doesn't say it back, trim the stems.
when he tells you that your eyes remind him of tree bark,
show him that your gaze is sturdier than nature's limbs.
without breaking eye contact, slowly back him into a wall.
when he expresses discomfort,
ask if he knows what choking is like.