I Wasn't Supposed To Be Worth It.Was it worth it?
Trading the taste of cinnamon on your lips
To smell like cigarettes and a painful hangover.
Was life so cruel to your perfectly skewed smile,
That you had to swallow a bottle of brandy
Every night at 9 pm
To hear yourself laugh again?
How could I have not noticed
The tremor in your right hand
Every time you held a pen?
Was I so blind for the love you had for me to see
That my love was destroying you?
'I am yours.' You whispered when you still had Petrichor surrounding you.
I inhaled your scent like oxygen,
All the while I suffocated you like sulfur.
You gave me your heart on a plate,
And I was the last pill that took your life away from you too.
Mother always told me I broke the things I had
Because that is how I was;
Selfish and undeserving.
I didn't deserve you.
You weren't supposed to be mine.
paroxysmiparoxysm2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
let you hold me
While i break down every wall
That actually held you more close to me
Than separated us,
Will it make you feel more of a man?
I can see the cracks hidden underneath your veins,
And the shadows they bring with them.
You were more damage than I could handle
But it didn't stop me.
We both wished it did.
Snow White SyndromeI seem to have forgotten the sound of my own heartbeatSnow White Syndrome3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Splitting apart my limbs I've found the source of my insanity
Coiled around veins and arteries
Star dust and a lazy man’s drug
Has put me to sleep under fictitious pretenses
Of forbidden apples and two faced prince charming’s
I'm All That's Left of MeI’m All That’s Left of MeI'm All That's Left of Me2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
She put her lips on the fountain when we were kids.
I've kissed too many people to still be mad about it.
The first time she slept in my bed I had visions
of my grandfather decaying in his coffin.
(The scuttle of tiny legs and a far away buzzing)
I woke up to a thousand pairs of eyes staring at me.
Hers were closed, but her mouth started moving.
“People who dream about the dead often attract flies.
I’ll tell you my nightmares if you tell me yours.”
It was winter and the windows were closed.
There are flowers that bloom once in a life time.
The things I see during the day prepare me for the night.
A family moved into her old house.
They don’t leave beer cans on the front porch.
For some reason that makes me sick.
The only picture I didn't burn is of her
looking past the lens and straight into my eyes.
Everything else about that life is gone.
Sometimes even me.
This is the worst day to tell me I’m blind
GaspThere was noGasp3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
she pressed her
lips to his
Maybe, it's okay to not be okay.i.Maybe, it's okay to not be okay.3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Their lungs collapse,
Their hearts in their throat.
Walking along the suffocating crowds,
You hear their voices fade.
How are they supposed to breathe again?
Their laughs come easy.
They’ve learned to deal with it.
But how do you shut out the voices in your head?
It’s not okay. You’re not okay.
Their bright unblinking eyes,
Masking the sorrows behind their smiles.
Even fairy tale characters would be jealous,
Of the strength within those tiny shoulders,
Who carry the pain,
But still keep moving.
Maybe, sometimes, it’s okay to be not okay.
Maybe It’s okay to break down and cry.
Maybe, you don’t have to be strong all the time.
And maybe, it’ll be alright.
lessons I wasn't taught at school1.I've gotten really good at walking out on people.lessons I wasn't taught at school2 years ago in Emotional More Like This
2.He was only collateral damage.
3.There is an infinity carved on the tree where your head once used to rest.
4. You smell of apple cyder, musk and her.
5. She created drama when there was none because that is how she liked to be; weak.
6. I've never seen snow.
7. They always misinterpreted your emotions, didn't they?
8. He never got why she preferred sitting cross-legged on the floor.
9. She knew by memory to the last detail every crease that strained his face.
10. He never really understood her.
11. You're selfish and self-absorbed but that is partially my fault because I gave you even more than I ever thought I had.
12. I wish I knew who I was.
13. Lets try to be optimistic for a change.
14. I can't get your pain and suffering out of my system and God knows how many times I've tried.
15.'Don't you ever leave the house?' The short 82 year old man says.
He has more life at this moment in him than my entire 1
HarborShe'll have blue eyesHarbor2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
for the seagulls
because she'll know how it must be
to fly in the salt-kissed air
and only see water for miles
and love it.
she'll want to taste the ocean
in the wind,
a particle of Calypso's tears
for every life lost at sea
and she'll want to save every snail and turtle
she can get her long, pale, fingers on.
She'll never wear shoes
because she'll need to feel the sand
hugging her toes on the shore
the damp ocean water tenderly touching
her bare ankles.
She'll chase after the water-line
more than she chases her dreams
because perhaps a life underwater
is her dream.
There will be something
about the way she stands to face
the Atlantic and Pacific
that will make you think
she stands on twin wooden pillars.
And her smile that will look out
to the fading and shining horizon
will remind you about her
and how every faint sound she makes
is like the slits and cracks and whispers
of the boardwalk.
Navy men and Sailors will ask her
for her na
Mother of Mine"i have loved you plenty"Mother of Mine2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
she screamed as she slipped
away across the street, across the state,
across the country we spent hours loving,
sparklers in our hands and her lips by my ear.
"never forget where you come from."
well mom where i come from
they love you just enough to give you hope
and then they leave you
mom where i come from
hope is a curse because it keeps you from
cutting too deep at night,
it keeps the pills in the bottle and the
knife out of your veins,
sometimes the only thing that keeps you from
what you really want,
it's the only thing stronger than your need to
hurt, now tell me
how can you be okay with it when i scream
"let me die,"
how is it okay for me to hurt while
you hope that
whenif i make it through
i'll somehow still remember who you are
and that once upon a time
i loved you.
i remember where i came from.
a womb poisoned with fertility hormones and
reese's cups and hopes that this one
won't come ou
Love is LuckDoesn’t it eat at your heartLove is Luck2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
that your perfect soul mate might not even be born yet
They might not be your age
They might not live on the same side of the earth as you
They could be half a world away
Or they could have just died
And you wouldn’t even know
That one person could have been that man who just walked by you yesterday
Or that girl you saw on the train last week
That’s the scary part
They could be so close
But yet they will always be so far
the person who you belong with could be a century away
Or a century gone by
The person you could laugh with the most
Admire the most
Love the most
Is someone you may never meet
Someone who you will never lay eyes upon
Never feel their touch
And you would never know
Who they are
And the way they could feel for you
And the warmth they could give you
And that’s what makes
SynchronousA little girl waltzes to a tune in her head.Synchronous2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
A young boy begs the streets for some bread.
A mother waits in a hospital room full of dread.
A groom smiles at his wife-to-be as they wed.
An old lady pulls the last bit of her thread.
A homeless man stares at a stores comfy bed.
A boy loves a girl; she loves a woman instead.
A teenager writes a suicide note to be read.
A drunk man doesn't see the truck up ahead.
A once minor virus, begins to spread.
A billion single tears are being shed.
An army of first-time soldiers are being lead.
A colourblind man see's a lady in red.
A heartbeat begins, after being pronounced dead.
© Rocio Belinda Mendez
3.When you asked me to strip,3.2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
we both had a different understanding
of what you meant.
See, I thought
you wanted me to peel away
the layers of who I was
so you could see what
As you watched,
I shed the confidence
that clung to me like a second
skin and showed you the insecurity
that was underneath.
I cut away my determination,
leaving in its place the self-doubt
that ate away at me everyday.
I ripped off the laughter
that covered my soul
in an effort to hide the
uncertainty of who I was.
I shrugged out of my ambition,
displaying for you the meekness
that was carved inside.
I stood in front of you then,
baring my soul and shivering
in my vulnerability.
I wasn't expecting you to love me--
no, I never wanted you to do that;
Instead, I only wanted you to hold me
and then show me who you really were inside.
But what did you do?
You turned around and walked away without
a second thought--or a glance back.
And here is where I still stand,
mounted on the asph
I'll Just Say What's On My Mind...I’ll just say what’s on my mindI'll Just Say What's On My Mind...2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
For everyone to hate.
I used to cry myself to sleep
And slice my skin with blades.
I wrapped a belt around my neck
In hopes of lifelessness,
And after failing even that,
I remained emotionless.
My mother used to cry all day
And my dad used to be ill.
My sister attempted suicide
By swallowing the pill.
My mother tried to kill herself
And we almost watched her fall.
She swallowed gulps of whiskey
And she blamed me for it all.
I have hallucinations,
And delusions, and depression
And fighting my own demons
Has become a slight obsession.
I’ll just say what’s on my mind
For everyone to see.
This is who I am, and hey!
I’m still okay with me.
Tragedies are never as beautifulyou were the shipwreckTragedies are never as beautiful2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
that was discovered a bit too late to be saved
but still soon enough to
take you out of the cold waters,
to look past the rust and cracks
and savor what was and could have been.
tragedy had knocked on your doors
and taken him away
because he just wanted closure,
for his brother, his family and
you would think time, pain and loss would have hardened him.
he was more good than you remembered.
"Choking down sea water was easier
than to breathe in fresh air",was your reply
when he asked why you were so bitter
even when your breath did not contain the taste of liquor
and your acerbic smile was almost welcoming.
the romantics wanted to
trace constellation across the faded
scars on your back and chest,
if you'd ever let them.
whilst the rest acknowledged them as 'sexy'.
Yet, you, my dear,
would stare in the mirror
until your visions blurred
and in the haziness was when you
finally accepted them
even if it was just fo
Wings LostThey say opposites attract and they are rightWings Lost2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
For every blackened soul mourns their own innocence.
At first, I welcomed you, drawn by your pain.
There’s really no good story without suffering.
But I didn’t expect you to stick around
You crept into my mind ever so silently, never making a sound.
Something as pure as you shouldn’t be walking
In the dark depths that is my heart.
It’s been so long since it was last used
And I find myself slightly amused
Seeing how oblivious you are to the danger.
Like a kite, you fly so high never looking down
But I’m slowly sinking and I will take you down with me
You left a rope tied around my black heart and you will never again be free.
Once you’re grounded I’ll find a way to stain your innocent mind
To kill your light because you shine so bright it hurts.
Don’t you understand I don’t know how to love you this way,
I’m too jealous of your wings so I will cut them away
You’ll smile and te
ScatteredSunflowers and peace signs.Scattered2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Cigarettes and spill stains.
Umbilical chords and eulogies.
Running from self.
Running out of time.
Running into eternity.
Falling into darkness.
Falling in love.
Falling out of life.
Sunrises wed with sunsets.
Day making love to night.
Forever, never's mistress.
Broken glass and promises.
Cuts and contusions.
Dreams and stupor.
Seeing the us in others.
Feeling others in ourselves.
Looking through the hour glass.
Finding the universe within.
© Rocio Belinda Mendez
SkinI watch,Skin3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
and I understand.
I taste stress in your sweat,
tension stretched on the surface,
in the landscape of your
knots in your muscles,
like pearls under
I'll untie the ropes
and kiss the blank
of your broad brow
and I'll write
on my chest,
things like silver lies
and soft secrets,
and wires of frigid truth
because the truth is
so kiss me back,
strike a pose,
be a body
and let our bodies
juxtapose like slow jazz
and your fragile ears.
take a deep breath
of me and
as you tell your
that I miss it too
i'd haunt you if you'd like.my hands are paralyzed and you're waiting for me to touch your face,i'd haunt you if you'd like.1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
but that doesn't really matter because i'd rather touch your soul
and if you close your eyes long enough i'll read you poetry as we lay atop the monkeybars
in this old and rusted park
you can pretend to know the constellations and point them out to me and i'll tell you they're all beautiful, but nothing compared to you
if i'm lucky you'll blush and laugh at me,
tell me i say the dumbest things but deep down it'll register in your soul just how much i love you
and i know they say you can only save yourself, but darling i swear if you'll just have the slightest bit of faith i'll save the fuck out of you or i'll destroy myself trying,
because i honestly can't think of any other purpose for my life
or what smidge of it i've been able to hold on to.
Lakeconsider the spaceLake2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
the lake near my home
was drained one summer
and at the bottom
the docks spread out like lizards,
hunting a shopping cart
and mud-covered bottles.
or maybe it actually is.thisor maybe it actually is.2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
a love poem:
this is not about
me and how i hate
the way realism tastes.
this is about you.
this is about how you
are one too many shades arrogant,
how nearly every night you
try to forget that time has
left you behind. this is
about your laugh and the way it
whispers "i can't remember
what i was like before i
became this." and,
if i'm being honest, this is about
how i will never see your too
cocky for your own damn good grin that
makes me go weak in the knees.
this is about you
and how you're not real and how i wish
to god that i wasn't either.
Sun Dirt KissesI'm getting used toSun Dirt Kisses2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
the way our lips
indentations and teeth,
there are inhalations
and then there are not,
his fingertips trace over my clavicle
and rake over my ribs like piano keys,
my hands find his hair
and I can't let go,
he presses his cheek to my palm with his eyes closed
and I can feel his skin sparking against mine,
I lose my mind and I lose my mouth,
I go to speak and nothing comes out,
then his lips form math equations
that seem only to be able to be solved
with a kiss,
the sunlight and the dirt holds us here,
so we fall into the arms of the earth
and I think I might be ok if it never let go.
Circling WolvesI told myselfCircling Wolves2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I would quit
before the smell
stuck to my clothes,
but I'm here
on this bench with him
or, really, standing
next to this bench,
and we're eyeing the cars
that pass through
There's a forest
and a path right
behind us, but he
doesn't want to walk it,
he wants to
watch and see if
anyone is going to swing around
that blind corner
and crash into
the back of his
I was hoping
would pass by, but
we're alone out here.
Staring into someone's
there's a pile of ash
on my shoe
and it looks like
we're just waiting
for our bodies to die.
Work of art.Don't wince at my scars, instead use them to find where I am broken, and put your body against the cracks.Work of art.2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Don't let me fall out of myself again, the parts might fit together, but the breaks are never clean.
Sometimes I feel like glass in the middle of a war zone, just the sound of goodbye may destroy me.
I've picked up the pieces before, cut myself with shards of who I was, carefully pasted them together with who I am, hoping no one would notice.
The trouble is the masking tape I used, doesn't seem to mask anymore.
The trouble is I leave tiny bits of myself behind me, just so I can be found.
The trouble is my heart is made of clay and it might just break with one more fall.
Maybe that's the wonder of me, even once i've broken…I can break again.
© Rocio Belinda Mendez