vices.there's hell in your eyes, painting them black cesspits that could eat away the stars.vices.3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
you tell me you need out of your head. the moon pulls higher in the sky, quietly marking the hour. our feet hang over empty air, the tracks below an open casket. you inhale nicotine and exhale burning buildings. smoke curls like fingers into the body of the night.
we're breaking like an ocean. eggshells on pavement.
i can't hold you together,
so you down handfuls of little white pills like peppermint candies.
like if you just keep swallowing, they'll whitewash the walls of your ribcage and purge your dirty heart.
you drink like you're always thirsty,
like you've found the antidote to forgetting.
instead, i hold matches to the dry tinder of my parchment skin to see if it catches fire
to burn down the gosttown of all the things i can't forget.
i dig trenches in my skin to leak out poison pulsing in my veins and the dirty swingset in my bones.
we both have memories we can't kill.
the black in our
Distant Memories Of A Love Done Gone .They say it's difficult to love someoneDistant Memories Of A Love Done Gone .3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
When you can't even love yourself.
But I loved you nonetheless,
The problem was I didn't know when to stop.
You kept sending me mixed signs
Making me dizzy until I
Much less right
When our world started crumbling down and
T e a r i n g at the seams
It was so easy for you to let it fall apart.
But I, knowing no other kind of love,
desperately clung to the remaining bits,
Trying to put them back together.
Yet the pieces changed too much, too quickly,
They kept growing and
growing a p a r t,
until your world was only yours
and mine a hollow echo of its past.
Looking back now, it seems like it
All happened in a different life,
With some other you, some other me,
And the lips kissing my own were just a dream.
i.i'm all eat-to-muchi.2 years ago in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
all scars and never tears.
i am care-too-much
all question with no answer.
i am a contradiction
ask me, i will tell you i don't know.
i just don't know.
i am 3am and the heavy morning hours that suffocate
in that breath before dawn.
i am a fish with no urge to swim
a childhood memory of how things should've been, a broken bone reset.
a game over. try again?
i am all supernova when your lips are on mine. all confused,
all child-in-the-cookie-jar again. listen, maybe you are my guilty pleasure,
another addiction i can't stop.
because i am like lightning, i never know where i hit
i just fell in love with the ground, i never meant to hurt the ones i love.
i am all tell-too-much
i say too little when you need me to speak,
and too much when you need me to listen.
i don't know how to be myself without apology.
listen for my voice,
sometimes i lose it in the crowded spaces of my head.
but speak to m
life.life never comes in easy breaths for anyone.life.2 years ago in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
it comes in gut gasps and running pants
it comes like childbirth pains
and 115 degree heat waves.
it will take the air from your lungs;
a gut punch that will often leave you like a fish pulling on oxygen
store the pain in your spine and get up again
too many people before you
have laid down in their misery.
sadness is easy, do not settle down with it.
moving on is like growing up,
do it day by day.
sift through your heart and
implant the kind of person you want to be.
your insecurities are a flock of birds
set flight to them and
let them leave.
leave your self hate, your self pity, self absorption
in the intersection, run it over and
wrap your arms around your family and friends.
pull out the blanket of your heart,
i promise you it will do you more good
loving who you love
than rotting in the cellar of your chest.
dollarstore happy.this happiness feels fragile, like if i hold it too long it will break,dollarstore happy.3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
the way some things just do.
a dollarstore happy,
i like the weight of it on my skin though.
the way the fragile skin over my wrists has healed into soft tapeworms.
the way the sky seems bluer even when its grey.
i can feel my heartbeat in my fingertips.
my heart lives on the tip of my tongue where i keep swallowing it down
in the hope that someday it might stay down,
and i will be able to forget.
i will learn to forget the pulse in my wrists
and unlearn the butterflies that live under my ribcage.
i will call my heart the sea and sail it
instead of letting it drown me,
and allow my emotions to wash up on the beach of my doubts
and wither until you can smell the swell of happy i will wear in my bones.
i will refit the canvas of my skin
so that maybe someday i can for once in my life feel at home under my shatterglass ribcage and unzippered spine.
The Nameless DelugeThe Nameless Deluge of the ForgottenThe Nameless Deluge4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Rhyme of Ancient Structure
Wiping dawn's tears, i open my eyes
To crashing waves against the drone
Of huddled voices and horns
Desperately piercing the darkness
To be recognized over the noise
As, even in the darkest of depths,
There is no silence to be found
In this sea of salt and faceless steel.
A Promise Unspoken
Allowing the shadow masses
To sweep me off my feet
With their rhythmic ebbings
And directionless swells -
All serfs lapping against
The hull of a greater machine
Hoping to find safety in zenith
Else complacent to drown in nadir;
To Spur Refuge
Staring at a broken visage
Gliding aside me with the tides,
Gazing from out a smoother and darker void
To mock with more fluid a stride
And more bleak, cutting, and vacant of eyes.
Unperturbed - or unaware - of the engulfing world
Until shattered by the greens, yellows, and reds
Of the warning orbs atop the "lookout" masts.
Made To Be Broken
A kicked curb sluices
i thoughti thought she wasn't reali thought4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
a built up myth that i tried so hard to believe in
but i believed in the basis of reality
someone so pure but intoxicated
couldn't possibly exist
i needed to make her real
she was a fairy tale told to an optimistic child
but the optimism soon died
and i put tongue a little in my heart
and my thinking became chideous
i didn't think i could make her real
so distant, yet close to the heart
vicious nails that strip me of my trust
strip me of all that i know
and the angelic side of her was known
she had to be real
without her my existence is pointless
nothing to desire
nothing to strive for
she was the pinnacle of my very being
the reason for life
she wasn't real
undone. bird-bone wrists perched on window sills,undone.2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
you watch train tracks fall into the mist.
your breath is softly fogging the veiw,
but i don't say a word.
some silences can break like china if you breathe too hard.
the trees are angry strangers that make your hands shake when you think i'm not looking.
(i try to tell you the worst things are after you close your eyes,
but neither of us believe me.
when she says she's not afraid to step off this train,
we both know what she really means.
(she's scared to live.
because you're the kind of girl who hides sleeping pills in the corners of her smiles.
who overdoses on life but forgets to purge her insecurities.
who carries a knife in both pockets and laughs like br
I'll Fall With YouI'm holding onto your heartstringsI'll Fall With You4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
and binding them to my own
with double knots of garden twine
so that maybe roses will grow
through the thorns that encircle your ribcage
and rise against your lungs.
You find questions in the space
of each sentence
and you aren't satisfied with answers
because you're more interested in searching
for the rain in rainbows
than the secrets I keep-
that I wish you would find.
You tell me you don't understand
why I'm still chasing a falling star
instead of exploring night skies
because you strike like lightening
and my veins are filled with thunder
so every time you race ahead
because at night the stardust
you leave on my lips
makes me want to shine
because the spaces between your fingers
somehow exactly fit mine.
cauterize1. i still leave all the doors in my house open.cauterize3 months ago in Free Verse More Like This
there’s not that many anyway, but i can’t bear
to hear them shut anymore. the draft is
killing me—i don’t remember the last
time i felt warm.
2. if time stopped when i was with you,
it is making up those seconds now because
i blink and the tea is no longer steaming
and it is no longer night and i am still
writing this poem, trying to convince myself
that i am not waiting for you to call.
3. surely the butterflies i got when i first
saw you created hurricanes on the other side of
the world. whenever it rains, i still think of you.
4. my keyboard is growing anxious. i keep typing
out the same letters, but i never hit send. the tea
has probably grown cold by now. it is, probably,
time to delete your number.
5. tonight, i close my bedroom door by accident.
the click is so loud that i think the whole world can hear it.
i think that they all stop for a couple of
seconds, listening to that resounding finality bang
breaking open.you made me want to break open like an eggshell over concrete: a messy affair, no clean edges or neat corners.breaking open.3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
you made me want to fall in rough zig-zag chalklines like we drew when we were young and fresh-flesh and unbroken. when life was yet untested waters and we were the new leather of of gloves over eager fingers.
you made me feel dirty like the red-blood-oklahoma dirt that clung like piss to our skin and under our tired-grit-eyed lids and beneath the hairline of our unshowered heads.
invasive, like a contagion; a wildfire in my limbs.
my own revulsion:
a knee-jerk reaction set to keep forever reliving the day i let you set the course for the empty air above the seductive gleam of a lake.
i wanted to inhale you like smoke into my polluted lungs, so that maybe as you dragged yourself back up my throat in jagged coughs, maybe you'd understand just a little the insides of me.
the truth is,
i started carving gills in my skin
so when his hands come for m
addicted.they say an eating disorder will always be an eating disorder,addicted.2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
that a cutter will always crave the open door of their skin.
that sober is just another way of saying thirsty
and that relapse is just as far as the breadth of your self control.
when did we accept our addictions as a part of us?
maybe we've fallen in love with them,
we have been taught to define ourselves by them.
never forget, your vices are cancer. they are growths, sucking life.
they will never do anything but sink you, yet still
we don't get better, because we don't want to. not really.
why is the recovery so much harder than the relapse?
replaying old cycles like a favorite song
that always brings the sadness.
'its just the way i am' is the radiation we keep breathing in,
the cancer we've accepted. the pain we've adopted.
apathy dressed as despair that we shove down our throats to be
regurgitated as a justified excuse to give up.
don't ever give up.
we are not the concrete facades we put up a
Try AgainYou just have to try a little harder,Try Again4 years ago in Concrete Poetry More Like This
Start up again and then you may falter,
Make your foolproof plan,
Decide to succeed,
Hide in denial when the hope takes a leave,
Think it over again,
Give it one last shot,
Shoot for your goals,
Then watch the stars drop,
Let go of your dreams,
Let them fall to the ashes,
You have no more passion,
Pick yourself up,
Brush off the denial,
Pick up the movements that lay dusty in a pile,
Paint a new picture that uses old words,
Remember the reasons you wanted to be heard,
Stand there in silence,
Reminisce for a while,
Take time to recreate,
No more acting like a child,
Step back to the top,
Throw caution to the wind,
Time for action and consequences,
A victory song to sing.
ReedsEveryone can stand on their own two feet,Reeds4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
And allies support when knees grow weak
But whom will you turn to in your time of need
When you're injured, laying in the reeds
Your muscles sliced, body torn
Mail and plate weathered and worn
Reflecting on your life, staring at the sky
Regretting your past as the time goes by
I play with Words like you play with Hearts .you are a brittle little thing butI play with Words like you play with Hearts .3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
your bite makes me restl-ess--
ays could be written about your
eyes, shimmering in the star-light--
headed is what you make me--
ddling into my heartst[r]ings until I am
in need of med-icine--
ss melting away at your heated t-ouch!
and yes, I want you inside me
and all around me
and never leaving my si[ght]de--
votion and affection surging th--
rough our beings playing, moving as
you're a slippery ro-ad--
diction hard to sha--
ke-en-edged and dange-rous--
ing my heart to bea-ting--
ling in my skin--
ned knees when f
so close and yethe stood thereso close and yet4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
with broken dreams falling all around him
like unfortunate birds
(fragile and feathered)
and the look on his face
mirrored my heart and bones
(shocked and hollow)
when I held out my hand
I rather thought that it would go
right through him
(crooked and true)
fingertips inches from his soul
I could only reach and wait
(sad and hopeful)
A dreamI need you beside meA dream4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
To hold me tightly,
And sing a sweet lullaby
As I close my eyes.
Your presence melts my stone-cold heart
I die inside when we're apart,
But you'll always be to me
You took away my pain,
But left me insane.
You'll never see my hurt
Till I'm six feet under dirt.
Your kiss takes my breath away.
Never leave; please always stay,
But this life will always be
Until the day I die,
Every night I'll cry
Until we are together:
Longer than forever.
Your love ignites a fire inside
Please stay here or I know I'll die,
But I'll never be to you
A dream come true.
past path - present painheartache tastes like a storm in summer.past path - present pain3 years ago in Emotional More Like This
it comes suddenly, soaking you to the bone to wash the same old yesterdays out of your bloodstream and leaves you feeling cold for longer than you can handle without making you sick.
time has played with my memories.
life twisted and turned until you faded out of it, like a moon that once ruled the sky hid behind the clouds. yet sometimes it gets curious and peeks from behind them, blinding me instantly.
a dull ache weighs down my chest.
it makes it hard to breathe when I realize that once the girl holding your hand was me. I was the one whose eyes you adored, whose lyrics you tried to decode, whose lips you bit in frustration. I was the one who made you cry, because you looked beautiful with tearstained cheeks and trembling hands holding me by the neck.
she can make you smile, but darling I made you laugh and scream at the same time, I made you break things to put them back together and in the morning I kissed you goodnight.
fucking tired, or learning to grow things out.she said 'life has always been an uphill battlefucking tired, or learning to grow things out.1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
and i'm so fucking tired'
the sun fell over the mountains again
as she took scissors to her hair and clippers to her nails
as if cutting everything off
could somehow pull her life back under her skin.
i watch with my mouth full of silence as her blue hair threads the grass.
my thoughts chew in my head
and we breathe like an orchestra.
tomorrow, i will wear my clothes inside out and paint my nails black
you will drink black coffee and glue earbuds to the inside of your ears
we both grieve in different ways.
did it ever occur to you, love
that maybe i'm really fucking tired too
so in an effort to keep up
i shave half of my head and bite off my stubby fingernails
i move 5 hours
but then visit the next day
just to watch my life from the outside
see, nothing changes.
you're still cutting things off
but i'm learning to grow things out
like my insecurities
like the pain on my insides
or the hair on my head
i already have too many scars in
Loving blindly .Darling, there was always a difference betweenLoving blindly .4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
who you are and how you made me feel;
Instant competition, perfect opposition,
I just chose to turn my compass backwards.
I cared too much about how the poison tasted
to notice I was drinking it while
forcing it down your throat.
I was too blind in bliss to see that
when we kissed, you spit it all in my mouth.
And when you gave me a mocking grin
while watching my body decay at your feet,
I wonder why did I always see
a loving smile?
I guess that's why our hearts are not eyes
and they beat on the left -
there's nothing right about loving blindly.
1:40amthe empty-belly night sky rumbles1:40am10 months ago in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
Lana aches in my ears
the curtains curl around lightning-flash
my fingers smell like smoke
and I try to sweep you out of my untidy head
but you linger in the corners still
like you always do.
life is the looming monster we never look straight in the face
afraid of its shadow.
I want to wrap my arms around you
I want you to be the future I am so afraid of
I wrapped my past around my fingers so tight
it cut off the circulation
i want to cut all the threads of my never-let-go
and let my truth stand as unaplogetically
as the scars I've let heal
I am learning how to never adjust my views for your approval
my skin is not an apology
this is not an invitation to walk over me
learning yourself is like learning a city
it is continually changing
growing out and shifting under
like our fingernails
or the sunset.
one of those things, i suppose1—5;one of those things, i suppose2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
some things you just know, i guess.
like, when i was in first grade, i knew five things for sure.
i knew that humans had five fingers on their hands,
that dragons were real,
that i was going to be a doctor firefighter when i grew up,
that my mother thought i was perfect,
and that if you got hurt on the playground
you had to go tell a teacher as soon as possible.
the thing with getting older
is that everyone always tries to tell you
what “getting older” means.
really, it just means that you’re nine and no longer eight
and you’re not yet ten, but slow down that will come soon.
some things you just don’t know, i guess.
like, in third grade gym class,
our coach told us that if we wanted something
we had to work for it and he also told us
never say never and that practice made perfect.
i stuck my hand up and told him about miracles,
about how it was okay to say no and never
and about how we were all born perfect.
on being a ballet dancer.maybe we are collectively held breaths.on being a ballet dancer.2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
maybe we are the mirrors we hold in our eyes,
the mirrors that line the walls.
maybe we're the hollow between our hipbones or
feet facing backwards in the stall.
we are the moment of suspension in a perfect split leap,
we are blisters and dancing-through-injury
and the ache in our muscles and the way the clock ronde de jambes around its self so slowly.
we are the almost-made-it triple turns
the teachers correcting hand.
we are a tilt of head,
a deck of cards continually reshuffled in new combinations.
ballet is a memory game,
our bodies an empty casket we let our dreams fall in.
and i am tired
of praying to a mirror,
an unfolding blade that will only ever answer back 'not good enough'.
tired of leotards like skin hugged tight across
empty stomachs and highlighted imperfections.
of failed combinations
and days my feet would rather turn in and my body lie down.
we live for the hours on stage
that make us f
relearn.reach out, palms down,relearn.3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
fingernails catching moonlight
and watch your hands shake.
bury the nightmares you keep replaying in a black shroud
and tie them down with rusted chains.
breathe in the voices in the back of your head and lay them to rest alonside the
truth(lies) and dirty words they whisper(shout) to you.
let the memories scritch-scratch in your bones,
but neverever try and scritch-scratch them out.
reset you break-bone addictions and pick out the stitches
to see if they've healed into the silvery tape worms
you'll hide with your shirt-sleeves and oversized sweaters pulled down to your knuckles.
lift your chin and upturn your face,
learn to catch happiness on your tongue and wear it under your eyelids
and trap it in your voicebox.
remember where you hid it
because depression is a dirty blanket tied up in your throat
that willingly smothers all you have to give.
so keep breathing,
hold the sun in your smile and purge your insecuriti