"Hmm. Sit down. Sit up straight, and don’t slouch. Maybe if I keep you in here long enough, the rest of your kind will grow bored and leave. I would love for that to happen. I don’t really even want to be here. I’m an ambassador now, and I have to stay in this office? This tiny box? Pathetic! I should be out spreading my influence, not here helping a couple of homeless vagrants. All of you will just take everything this city has to offer and leave nothing in return. I’ve seen it before. Everyone is the same.
"You’re here because I need to process your paperwork. I don’t know why you have to be here. I can fill out your papers just fine without you being in my presence, disturbing me. Why are there even so many forms? What’s the point if you’re automatically granted citizenship? All of you should just be able to write in your names on a piece of paper and send them in. Mayor’s taking your word on faith alone, so why not your written word? Ridiculous. Wasting my time. I bet you’re enjoying this, too, huh?
"The ambassador before me was pitiful. Scrooge McGrouch, she was. I told her not to sleep with the windows open, but she refused to listen to my advice, and now she’s sick with some kind of tropical flu. Bullshit. Probably just made it up to not have to be here to deal with all of you. I know that’s what I would do if I were in her shoes.
"I don’t even want you to be on the same continent as me, let alone the same city. You look filthy, you look like you haven’t slept in days, you look unkempt, disheveled, untidy. Your appearance offends me, and I won’t have you looking like that if I’m to fill these papers out with your info. If we weren’t so pressed for time, I’d drown you in the river. At least then you’d be clean. Forever.
"Just be quiet and entertain yourself while I finish these. Actually, no. Entertain me. Maybe I’m too bored today to properly fill these out. I should go home, really. I feel the slightest bit of fever coming on, and it wouldn’t do to have me spreading the cold to everyone out here. Maybe if there was some really good act to amuse me, I would forget all about having a possibly contagious flu.
"Sickening. Your idea of entertainment disgusts me, and I hope your time here on this continent is short. I hope your new life is a brief one. If I could, I’d ship you right back to wherever the hell it is you came from. Glissod? Jewell? I don’t care about either of those. Take your papers and get out. If you don’t figure out where to file them, you’re not going to be a citizen. Figure it out yourself. I’m too busy to do it for you. Send the next baby in here while you’re out there."
"I suppose we can’t make this quick? There are more people waiting outside to be processed; you aren’t the only one. Did you think you were? Laughable. You aren’t. I suppose this won’t go quickly at all. Why would it?
"You at least speak Common? Good. It’d be an absolute shame if I were unable to understand your undoubtedly unique story of persevering through adversity, and how you barely managed to escape in order to drain this city of its resources. Yes. Unique. Just like everyone else who’s been here these past few days. Get on with it, then.
"They haven’t told you, have they? No, a foolish question; of course they haven’t. Why would they? That’s what I’m for, obviously. Here to tend to the flood of your kind, refugees, in order to welcome you to this charming city of inequality. The mayor gives the order to keep the Grand Embassy open without consulting us, the embassies! She can’t tell us what to do, of course she can’t, but she may as well be able to.
"Have you any idea what it would look like for Althar were I to be the only one not in their embassy during these inconvenient times? No, don’t bother, I’ll answer for you, as you don’t seem too bright in these matters. Bad. It would look very bad. “Grand Embassy open all month!” “All nations working overtime for the relief effort!” “Except Althar and its ambassador!” Not good. I never liked that mayor. Do you think it wise to unconditionally grant citizenship to anyone claiming to be a refugee?
"What proof do you have for me that establishes you are who you say you are? That you are, in fact, a refugee? That you are not, for example, a wanted fugitive attempting to evade justice, a marked individual on the run? I doubt it. I doubt you have anything. You’ll probably say it was destroyed in the calamity, it was lost in the hurried move, you were robbed of everything you have right before you stepped through my doors.
"If I’m wrong, show me. The mayor is only enlisting our help to process refugees, and she did not set forth any criteria we should follow to confirm what you say you are. I will do it for her. You have only one objective: convince me you are a refugee. I don’t care how you do it, but do it now. I don’t have time to dally, as there are hundreds of others just like you who must be processed. Convince me now and earn your citizenship to this place, or leave and try another city. The latter would make it easier on me."