Expensive LiesI sit and stare at the toilet bowl.Expensive Lies1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
A guy I know is bulimic.
When we compliment him
I see the twist of agony in his eyes
as his brain reprograms it
to sound like an expensive lie
that costs him another tear
in his tattered dignity.
Friends hurry to him,
to reassure him, to love him.
They tell him how beautiful he is.
We didn't know him before,
but he's definitely not fat now.
We whisper things in concern like;
body dysmorphic disorder.
'I know you'll never believe me
but you are so gorgeous -
not just on the inside.' Not just.
And they're right, I join in,
because they are right to say it
because it happens to be true -
he is stunning. Not just on the outside.
And we want him to see himself
the way we see him, beautiful.
And I join in because
I've felt that strangle of pain
in my stomach, bowels and belly,
when someone used to tell me lies.
So I know how he feels.
Only, he is beautiful on the outside
and I'm not.
He's not seeing reality in the mirror
and I am.
And people rush to correc
suicide is the third leading cause of deathit feels like a friday but it's onlysuicide is the third leading cause of death1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
and i'm already done with this week
because this marks the third time i've wanted
to hang myself today.
i've forgotten what my last name was or is and
even my first name for that matter because
it doesn't and never did,
i want to mark myself up with sharpie or
and run through the streets at night without a jacket just to make
me feel alive again,
because nothing does anymore and it's scaring me-
it's really really scaring me how much i hate myself and how
everything i look at can be used as a weapon and that
flashing lights make me go insane;
i talked to a schizophrenic today about the nature of nightmares
and how they always seep out of your head and into the walls
so they can haunt you all hours of the night,
but it's not like i needed help sleeping anyway
because the racing thoughts and pounding heart and tears
are enough to do the job most of the time.
i miss people and want to be alone but i can't
stand not talking to people and
I'm Still Awake."You're still alive?"I'm Still Awake.2 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
The amusement in his voice makes me stiffen. I do not look up from the book my eyes scan over, but cannot comprehend. I flip a page as he looms over me, intimidating me, a goofy grin on his face. His bony fingers settle on my shoulders, and it startles me, but I only blink in response, turning another page of my book.
"I know you aren't reading that," he whispers into my right ear, hoarsely chuckling and then leaving my presence altogether. I snap the piece of literature shut, throwing it onto the coffee table that sits in front of me and I cross my arms over my chest. He appears again, beside me. Without any warning, he yanks the edge of my dress up. I make a noise of protest, but do not move to stop him.
He carefully counts the blooming scars against my pale skin as I fidget, looking away. He's laughing under his breath, smirking as he counts the lines that once oozed blood all over my hands. My thighs shake
Sail: Chapter 1“Ouch!” I cursed under my breath and pressed the bright line of blood across my thumb to my mouth.Sail: Chapter 19 months ago in Introductions & Chapters More Like This
“You’re doing it wrong,” Fendul said. He took my hunting knife and peeled away a thin curl of wood with a smooth motion. “Hold it like this. You’ll stab yourself in the gut otherwise.”
“Nei. It doesn’t work that way.” I pulled the palm-sized figurine back out of his grasp.
We sat cross-legged on the rocky beach of Kotula Huin next to still, turquoise water muffled by fog. Colossal hills surrounded the lake valley, the dense layer of trees barely visible against the dark sky. A dull pink glow silhouetted jagged peaks in the east. I missed the dry air of the mountains already. The forest behind us dripped with humidity. Even with rawhide cord on the handle of the bone knife, my fingers were too damp to grip it.
Voices drifted down the shoreline. “Don’t you have somewhere to be?” I asked.
Bedtime Stories : The Tree That Was Seen*The Tree That Was Seen*Bedtime Stories : The Tree That Was Seen2 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
Once upon a time, on a planet far away, there lived a little tree. But this was no ordinary tree, no, this little tree could speak. She could speak to the Sun, oh what bright conversations they would have! Every morning he would greet her with a loud, boisterous HELLO!!! and then the two would talk for hours.
They talked about the brightness of his light, his magnificent rays, the perfect symmetrical shape of his body, and how healthy he made her leaves. But before long, the Sun would go to sleep, and a smaller, dimmer, shy little moon would appear in the sky.
He watched over the tree every night, but had never, not even once, said hi. The little tree, being a lover of the day, would fall to sleep, and wait for sunrise. And so it was every day and night, the Sun would shine, the Moon would pass by.
Days, turned to years, and the tree grew strong in the Sun. The Sun, would gloat about what he accomplished. "Look, dear Tree, and see what I've made you! I'v
It Gets BetterListen,It Gets Better2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Every year starts and ends with winter
There's nothing you can do about that
I know it's frustrating
To step out of your house
And see the path you just paved
Covered in snow
But please, be patient
Because the more snow you pile up,
The greener your grass will be
In the spring
Lost..Lost..Lost..1 year ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
They give me happiness pills every day
Hoping my life won't be so grey
But only tears and sorrow they bring
As if I can smell but not touch the spring
I'm lost in my own dream
Can't move; for help I can't scream
Trapped between life and death,
It hurts at every single breath
I'm in a sleeping unconscious stage,
Feeding only with my rage,
Never going to break free,
Maybe, this was supposed to be...
Jacked UpMy boyfriend slashed one of my car tires.Jacked Up2 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
I didn't realise it at first. I had the day off work and we'd been lazing together in our seasonable bed, when he suggested we go out for lunch. Now my boyfriend is many things but keen to leave the house he is not. He likes to be at home, tinkering in the shed and whatnot. I should have been suspicious but it had been such a hazy dreamy morning that I just wanted to spend time with him before Monday morning ruined it all.
It took some time to get out of the house though, because as I was brushing my hair he commented on how it was all lit up from behind by the sun and the look in his eyes simply had to be kissed away.
Can you blame me?
Anyway we got to the car eventually, although he had to rush back into the house to get his wallet. I tried to protest, I could pay, but he insisted. That's when I noticed the tire. At first it only seemed like a flat tire but as I knelt in the autumn debris I saw the hole. I swore.
"What's up babe?" - he was co
bedtime stories don't quite go this wayonce upon a time--bedtime stories don't quite go this way2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
no wait, that's wrong.
let's not start our story that way.
you find yourself in your bathtub,
the water scalding
and risen as high as the rim itself.
you find yourself submerged
and screaming out for somebody to help
you are being drowned.
monsters as black as the sky
are tearing at your ankles,
cackling and pulling you down and out of sight
and water splashes out of the
tub and you are seeing nothing
but old memories that stick to your throat
when you can do nothing but cry.
you find yourself in your shower,
curled up in a corner furthest
from the water because
you are afraid that cold water will wash
away your sins.
you are afraid that if that water touches
you in the slightest bit, you
will melt like the wicked witch, and
you haven't felt enough suffering to die
in such an easy way.
melting is far less painful than the ways
that cross your mind when
water falls over your eyes and stings and
you can do nothing but make
The PillowJust like that of a pillow,The Pillow1 year ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
You are soft inside and out.
If I could, I’d hold tightly forever
And that is without a doubt.
You keep me safe
Just like a fort
Made of pillows,
The cushiony sort.
When we play
Amongst my friends
I beam with joy
To no boundaries nor ends.
But when I weep
Into your shoulder
You wipe the tears
And cause my gloom to grow older.
And when I scream with fury,
Frustration, and anguish,
You muffle out the noise
And cause the pain to vanquish.
You’re that one main reason
Why I can sleep at night,
For you put me at my ease
Oh dear pillow, which I now hold tight.
PaperPaper 8/23/99Paper9 years ago in Open More Like This
I write poetry to express
feelings not easily defined -
perhaps stunted in my mind.
They become crystal clear on paper.
Paper doesn't talk back.
It allows free will.
It won't mock or betray me.
It listens as I rant and rave - unbiased.
It appreciates my open
It has seen me through pain -
love - hate - heartbreak -
misery - and mistakes.
I write these words to me.
Sometimes these words are
not popular, but they are mine.
I share my disconcerting words
to give people a glimpse of
my distracted self.
My soul and heart are left to bare...
It means something to me...
to the wonderreading: https://soundcloud.com/gravitycorner/to-the-wonderto the wonder2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
our love wasn't the kind of love
you name after flowers and
it wasn't one you would want to
take refuge in, rest your head on, no
it was a hard love and it was an
ugly, colorless love. our love was
a trainwreck we couldn't tear our eyes away from
because our ragged souls
were standing as pale ghosts at the windows
hands pressed up against the pane
hoping till hopeless that something
could be salvaged
from the smoldering remains
but it died a noble death
filled with breathless breath
and we are not quite whole like we used to be
we were virgins in every sense of the word
maybe that's why we loved so much, too much
and maybe that's why we went rough and fast
plunging headfirst into something we didn't fully understand
all I understood were
you had such small-as-rain hands
and I miss them
your cloud eyes
the slow way you moved toward me
closing the calm space between us
to envelop me in your young and hungr
Saltwater Burnsmend your brittleSaltwater Burns2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
poet fingers &
nurse your static head
cherry lips &
blue, blue fingernails
[girls like you are
A Year Spent DeadSeptemberA Year Spent Dead4 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
Glowing, laughing, living, breathing. Beneath the falling autumn leaves I walk and just think. I think about how wonderful life is. Because it's great.
There's a new kid in school but everybody picks on him. I don't know what to do because I myself have never been picked on.
So, after much contemplation, I stand forward and say, 'Hey. Stop that.'
After having defended the new boy I now know how it feels to be bullied. Only no one comes to my rescue. That other boy left weeks ago.
But the abuse is just verbal. I can cope with verbal.
Once it was verbal, however now it is not. But they only batter me lightly, we're all boys, it won't kill me. They won't kill me.
Or will they? They nearly did, I think. I may already be dead. I do not know. Not anymore. One day, after school whilst walking across the field, it happened.
First the names.
I BleedI bleed,I Bleed5 years ago in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
A kaleidoscope of colors,
Joy, mixed with pain,
Anger, mixed with desire,
Passion, mixed with shame
For every tear cried,
By a child, so betrayed
For a woman, so scorned,
For every heart, so torn
For the sins of the father,
Passed on, to the son
At times, I feel the misery of ages,
And so, so alone
For all those lost,
In wars that shouldn't be fought,
For parents whose children are gone,
Their dreams, come to naught
For all the ignorance,
The idiotic bigotry,
We are all truly the same,
But too many are blinded to reality
And I do it every moment I am alive
I do not feel, as many do,
That it is something abnormal,
That I should fear, and should hide
For every thoughtless word,
And every hopeless glance
Everyone has the right to live,
Everyone, deserves a chance
A kaleidoscope of colors,
Each emotion, a different hue
Our only difference is that I admit it,
While you ignore it, and refuse
jlp October 26, 2009
breaking clockswhen the desire to disembody arises,breaking clocks2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
do not wipe the sweat from your forehead.
cut your fingernails with a sharp tongue
until they bleed. do not launder your bed
sheets, do not dust off your insecurities.
& everything else.
make an excuse to visit the cemetery;
try and fail to put to rest the festering
that has become you.
hammer the nail so deep into the coffin
that you can hear your late grandfather’s
welding tools mold metal abstractly.
gargle salt water and then spit at the mirror.
tell yourself this will be the last time you caress cursed skin.
tell yourself you never saw him leaving.
call yourself a liar.
resist collapsing like a purposeless mess.
give in like everything else.
pull yourself together for the time being,
then break all the clocks.
radiantI amradiant1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
unrealistic ideologies of an
are toxic; breathing
is a chore. there is
a careful warmth in the
combined effort of
we are the forgotten.
we are the tangled limbs
and childhood stories for
a more sensitive future; we
are the longing, we are
we are measured
in the people we touch;
and I will love you
in the UV light of
hide and seek paranoia.
I love you in the red shimmer
of harbored dreams, I love you
in the industrial gl
you may say i'm a dreamer, but i'm nota list of things i am not:you may say i'm a dreamer, but i'm not1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
no shitty ocean metaphors,
no poems about lovers and bones.
no girl with high school insecurities,
no misinterpreted radiohead lyrics
on the sidebar of a fifteen-year-old's blog.
a tea drinker, a book reader, a dreamer.
no dew drops of a saddened world
splashing on tin roofs or windowpanes.
no drawn out similes for depression or loss.
an ableist slur for the diagnosis of a mental illness,
starting with c and ending with y.
a lesbian. people are not their haircuts
or who they fall in love with.
no razored wrists and thighs.
no sick doggish romance.
no supermodel teen queen.
no irresistible object of sex and desire.
no poetess, no goddess,
but no less
than strengths and fallacies.
Hunger PainsIt begins with a bang.Hunger Pains2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I forget to eat for a few months and
I drown in cheap ideas with pretty names,
the ones they fill books and barren wrists
and stormy heads with, and soon,
moonlight shines from inside
my ribs and I am a lighthouse.
Thank you for the things you gave me,
intrinsically, a knowledge of
how to properly wear
myself. Thank you
for not fixing me.
I used to write about the color
of your voice, always blue-- the sky
before I fell asleep and the morning
dragging me back; I wonder
that you could’ve loved me better
if you explained who the
Something was that shared your bed
at night, or why insincere words
were your favorite.
My poems still cling to my skin
even when I sleep. even when
I wake, an anchor. even when
I boil myself alive and unfold
like a pallid lily inside your
and after enough time,
I forget to say goodbye.
I pick the scabs on my hips,
kiss the sorry out of your smile,
and breathe like this air
isn’t already a million years old.
losing everything i never hadit's an early morning as the sun is rising, stepping into my mother's room and moving towards her bed, careful not to disturb the dark shadows on the walls, or the lulling silence that's filling the steps between us, i ask her when she wearily opens her eyes, "why was i born?"losing everything i never had5 years ago in Surrealism More Like This
her face held no expression, and she didn't reply
she didn't reply
i might as well not have gotten out of bed today.
i might as well be -
and sometimes as i'm sitting in the passenger seat, i lose track of where i'm headed. i lose track of the fact that i'm moving, i'm moving somewhere slowly across a map. i'm moving with the world, and i'm just one person out of so many. so fucking many. i watch the rode beneath the tires blur passed us. i watch the clouds drift along with us, the trees look like ghosts. i feel the time move along with us, as the sun falls to the floor and gives up letting the stars take it's place. the moon has painted my skin white, just as i sputter out my words and let them fade
InfiniteWe’d make a beautiful constellation,Infinite2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
You and I –
shivering galaxies that may implode
but who keep expanding,
still hiding in gravitational lenses
of sheer splendor -
a thousand and one stars;
we could wish for personals
or maskless parades
without crippling facades-
not nameless but known.
You and I,
we could be brighter
than the sun.
apatothe ocean air is sellingapato2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
moist and salty caresses
there is a metaphor to take
in each skimming wave
but I am tired so I
so I will
will let it rest
my turning mind
with the tides
with the gilled creatures
below the rhythmic surface
gulping gaping gas-gasping fish mouths
mine will open too and
open till wide enough
for the cry clenched in my
throat to caw-claw
its way out till I am
chorusing with the seagull
and if I fall
into the water now
it will envelop me
wrap its foam arms around
touch its crest to my head
kiss me dead
I will be complacent
in its sea indoctrination
this is how I will stay
above the darkness
infinite below me
OverflowingI swallowOverflowing5 years ago in Biography & Memoir More Like This
600mg of sanity
in a cold clear glass
with liquid memory
and hydrogen voices
filling the space
between each breath.
As the medication
sinks into my soul
the delusions gently vanish
leaving only echoes
and the fingerprints
of madness on my skin.
The chemicals wash over me
in calming waves
until I see the world
in a softer light
under the same sky.
It's like breathing underwater;
everything is quiet