New JobFirst day on the jobNew Job9 years ago in Stories & Vignettes More Like This
"So," he said, leering at me over the table, messy sandwich in hand, "how long have you been eating yogurt?" My yogurt laden spoon paused in mid air, and in the moment it took me to think, (how long had I been eating yogurt? When was my first time?) I watched oily, shredded lettuce tumble from his sandwich onto the table. The question seemed loaded.
"Oh, probably only the last couple of years; you know, like, seriously." I said this airily, as his tone of voice had implied that this yogurt-eating habit of mine was a potential hot spot in our relationship. He said nothing, but continued to peer intensely across the table. His eyes might even have been narrowing. I felt, justly, exposed. I turned the yogurt cup nervously in my hands, and my averting eyes settled upon the nutrition facts. I suddenly began to read them off, and espouse the healthful qualities of yogurt, not for its defense, but for my own. He leaned back in his chair with revulsion as I finally dealt w
Ear DropsHe has my lipsEar Drops8 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
and my ears
so it is
all I can do
to hold fast
to this chaotic
Missing in the Back of ClassThe kid who sat in front of me in class was really quiet today. It's weird, because we usually talk a lot when we're both actually here at the same time. It was a weird day, because it seemed like everyone was in class. Like, all the seats were taken and that hardly ever happens. And when everyone's here, it's never really quiet at all. See, I go to a D.C. public high school, which, if you live anywhere around here, you'd know that we have an incredibly high absence rate. And even when there's like half the kids than normal in class, it's never quiet. I mean, sometimes I think you learn more not going to my school than when you actually go. So, most of the time it's kind of thin in school. But, there were plenty of kids in class today.Missing in the Back of Class9 years ago in Horror More Like This
I like to sit in the back of the class when I have a choice. That's probably like most of you. I guess I just don't like to be noticed. Plus, it's easier to get away with shit back here. I write a ton of stuff (unrelated to the class, of co
Conor Oberst Greek MythConor Oberst Greek Myth10 years ago in Humor More Like This
"As Cattus, the goddess of useless facts, obscure music, and Goodwill, I demand that my…uhh….demands…be met…" the goddess said as she stumbled her words. She seemed nervous in front of the great god Isaacian, god of the people of Indiescene. He was to return a favor for Cattus, who let him borrow the first Interpol CD.
"Well what may that be?" he replied.
"I demand that my son, Conor Oberst, of the great band Bright Eyes become the rightful heir of the throne of Indiescene, instead of a mere peasant in Omaha."
"So it was asked so it shall be done," Isaacian said smiling. As he started waving his great wand, Brandonus, being the god of Halo 2 and the weirdoes who play Halo 2, creepily appeared into the throne room.
He exclaimed frantically, "Wait! You cannot do that Isaacian! Conor does not deserve to be prince of your kingdom. He creates horrible music, and shall spread it across your land.
I spend most my time drowning.my name isI spend most my time drowning.9 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
and I've always had
a thing for men with
an extra finger on their left
hand I think this is because
one finger and there-
for I feel that a man with
six fingers on his
left hand would fulfill me and
break all the barriers and
whatnot with that
honestly who would want
a chick with just
nine fingers and
not ten which is actually
the ideal the idial the idiot
who says come on
baby let's swing because
the galaxy is sleeping
in your eyes and
the stars are
the skin of your body
millions of pieces all across
the sky like a mothers
the sleeping baby
I was dancing
like mad through
milky way honey
day streets with bad poetry
on my scalp and
dry tear ducts in
my eyes and empty
shots and burnt babies
in my belly. I bleed with
them I walk across
dead bodies for them and I
split oceans for them. I feed
them and I
kill them. Shepard-like and burning
on the top of the hill.
A girl dressed in negro-white and
black and blue and
CrowCrow8 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
through six inches
of window, as the last
autumn leaf stretched, spun, and drifted
swung wide open,
wet drunk on its hinges,
and you swept in bringing winter
always been my
plague; a black nest of storm,
dragging a throng of reluctant
in the half-light
that I felt a tremor,
(though your touch was as light as a
howled tooth and bone
around your peaked shoulders
through biting hail, I watched the door
were numb, and I
dropped my glass. Somehow, I
knew, your breathless season turned it
like a white hound
to the bar; when you poured
one on the rocks, I couldnt stop
(on the moonlight)
that I felt a tremor;
but your touch was as light as the
A Philosophy of Hell...."The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.A Philosophy of Hell....10 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a me
Pierogies and Sunflowers pt2After the meeting and having to endure the embarrassment of his sibling's incessant ridicule, Matthew fled the meeting and the eyes of all the other nations, blindly running out into the snow to be alone with his frustration and shame. He huddled at the base of a large, leafless maple tree, hugging his knees desperately to his chest as the tears froze like crystals to his cheeks. Why did it always have to be that way? Nobody ever cared enough about him to notice his existence, but when they did it was nothing but teasing and mockery. Not even Kumajiro could remember who he was. Did they only bring him into the G8 because he was Alfred's brother? Was that all he was to other people? He was Canada, damn it. He was his own person, his own nation...why couldn't anyone else see it? The neglected and abused nation cried painful, icy tears into the silence of the night's blowing snow, and as the bitter cold of general winter took his shivering body in it's grasp, he was lulled to sleep by thePierogies and Sunflowers pt24 years ago in Fan Fiction More Like This
A KissA glistening tearA Kiss7 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Rolls down the cheek;
Eyes gleam, wet
And knees shake, weak.
The softest sigh
Warm on the face;
In deep embrace.
A perfect smile
On lips that part;
Grow closer as
Love grips the heart.
The tiny pulse
That beats with thrill;
In tender chill.
A single kiss;
And time stands still.
after dinner, afterlifeafter dinner, afterlife9 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
After Dinner, Afterlife
If it were you and I,
both of us
bearing crosses on our backs,
and lifted high upon our crimes
(like a Bible story
or a fairy tale from some
damned, banned book)
we'd surely be honoured
at the gates of Saint Peter,
with medals, wine, wings
and songs of praise
for our lives within fables
and our ability to conquer
with only a blind mule -
and a switch.
the rest of god's name"She misses you, you know, Jimmy."the rest of god's name7 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
"Yeah. I know."
There's a pause. He cradles the side of his face with square fingers, adult pound hands.
"It's in her sleep, too. She murmurs in the night. Sometimes it it rises to screams"
The hesitation rests on his lips. He licks it off, his tongue like a suspicious fish.
"Do you ever think"
"Go away, David."
"that maybe if you had stopped, she would still be oh - okay, and you wouldn't have to"
"I said go away."
"I mean this can't be living, not cowering, not like this"
LiesA liar.Lies4 years ago in Fan Fiction More Like This
A sweet, sweet liar.
Soft lips speaking such tender words, and in such a lovely voice. Sometimes it was the only thing that kept me sane. The ghost of breath against my ear and gentle whispering whenever I felt my sanity slipping. Fingers through my hair and the sound of a heartbeat under my head.
He'd promise me the world, and leave me with a cold bed.
Tension rides high when that voice becomes strained, stammering. He'll be avoiding contact with my gaze. He thinks it's a kindness, keeping me company in my times of need. He feeds me scraps of love like a trail of breadcrumbs. By the time that I follow them to the house where supposed to be, he's not waiting for me. When I look behind me the path is gone. Hollow words don't sink in deep enough to leave a lasting mark.
Sometimes there are even tears. When I'm hurting, when I'm angry, everything trembles in front of me. It's at those times that I see something even more detestable than fear in those eyes. I see pity. I can rememb
PAtD - MisunderstandingA/N: Just a little warning before you begin reading... this is a little naughty. XD;; It's not, like, NC-17 or anything (lol like I have the skillz to write pr0n), but some people might be a little uncomfortable reading it. It's probably, like, high-ish PG-13? The sex is only talked about, and just barely at that. Now, on with your regularly scheduled RYDEN DIRTY. 8DPAtD - Misunderstanding8 years ago in Fan Fiction More Like This
Nobody was surprised when Brendon and Ryan started having sex.
Because, really, who didn't see that coming from a million fucking miles away?
No one really seemed to have a problem with it, either. As long as they didn't have to hear about it, it was fine.
But, you know, Brendon can't keep his stupid mouth shut, and, Spencer thought as he sat there in the cabin's living room, trying to ignore Brendon going on and on about how fantastic Ryan was in bed, maybe it was going to be a problem.
Dear DiaryDear Diary10 years ago in Humor More Like This
I ate a sandwich today. I realized for the first time that one does not use a spoon to eat them. I was at the deli and I ordered my usual, a turkey breast with salmon, bacon, and teriyaki sauce, sat down and began to eat, spoon in hand. The man next to me turned and said, "You know… You don't use a spoon to eat sandwichs…"
This blew me away. All that I had known: destroyed. My world became swirling mist of the unknown. Every fact I thought I knew suddenly came into question. The way of the universe died that day.
The man grew concerned about the glazed look I had while I was shaking uncontrollably in my chair. I snapped to, spoon still in my grasp. Then I stabbed him with it. A lot.
Thanks for ruining my day, asshole.
Today was unusual. I went to the super market and the cashier winked at me. I mean, it's good to be winked at by such a beauty of a person, but I didn't think it was very appropriate. Flattered, I gave a small sign of rejection, whi
Understanding GraffitiUnderstanding Graffiti9 years ago in Editorial More Like This
Understanding Graffiti: Learn To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb
An essay by Benjamin Alldridge
Choke train buffers like a head-locked Ed Koch
Nurture the craft of concrete visionaries
Cave painters screaming "Loosen the cuffs!"
Cave paintings get the natural history feather dust
Pick a lust.
Aesop Rock really says it best with those lyrics right there, and sums up the general mentality of society towards the Graffiti community as a whole. Throughout this article we'll investigate why that is, and even more importantly to the population at large, ways to try and make its existence as pleasant as possible. After all, art will always have some place in society, no matter what form it takes.
Before we go any further, let's actually set down some basis for what we mean when we use the term "Graffiti". For the majority of people who use the term, it will take the form of the general definition, as follows: ".. the illegal or unauthorized defacing of a b
Swieto boskiego SeleraPatrycjusz westchnął i rozsiadł się wygodniej w fotelu czując, jak cierpliwość wycieka z niego niczym wartki, chłodny strumień z topniejącego lodowca. Jakkolwiek rządzenie Ankh-Morpork nigdy nie wydawało się być łatwym zadaniem, takich chwil jak ta zdecydowanie nie dawało nazwać wynagrodzeniem za trudy. Lord Vetinari znany był jednak z tego, że wszystkich traktował tak samo poważnie. Nawet, jeśli stała przed nim trzyosobowa delegacja przebrana za…tak, jak to kilka razy dobitnie podkreślili, za selery.Swieto boskiego Selera8 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
-Czy możecie mi to jeszcze raz wytłumaczyć?- spytał głosem ciepłym niczym góra lodowa. Ktokolwiek, u kogo inteligencja przekraczała średnie IQ gołębia, a instynkt samobójczy nie zastąpił samozachowawczego, powinien zorientować się, że to najodpowiedniejsza pora, by wyjść. Jak najsz
a jaw of glassyou are made of glass, lit with fireflies anda jaw of glass6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
firemen and fireflowers. i can see the heat
tremble like smoke to the black sky as you
tap on your jaw.
pearls slide to the cherry pits of your stomach,
tickled with daisies and ipecac syrup to
gut you like an oyster.
hollow boy, save the glow caught between
your transient, transparent bones- i can see
the snakes in your stomach writhing, pulled
taut and shelled like intestines, wrought like
a chain necklace about your throat.
you are gauze-between-
oh, like a butterfly locked inside its chrysalis,
oh, with cotton wings sticking as they become
viscous in the water, oh, the death of something
beautiful, more beautiful than you.
FallingYou say you wear your emotions on your sleeveFalling4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
But baby, I don't think you can see
The heart I have is ten stories up,
On the edge and ready to jump
Without a thought, without a care
Because it believes you will be there
Ready to save me before I hit the ground
I don't think it realizes that you're not around
There's no way to stop it, trust me I've tried
All that's left is to hang on for the ride
The jump leaves me breathless; then I start to fall
And I wonder if the ground hurts, if I hit it at all
Maybe he'll come, maybe he knows
The news broadcast could have interrupted his show
He'll be my hero and save the day
But deep down I know he's too far away
My world goes dark and there is only pain
Then the sky opens up and it begins to rain
The scene is gruesome, tragic at best
But isn't falling in love always a mess.
The Miracle of LifeHi Mommy! It's me, your precious unborn baby! Isn't it amazing how I can already speak English?The Miracle of Life8 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
Gosh, Mommy, I'm just SO hyped about being born! The thought of having a chance at life just sends my barely-formed heart-tube a-flutter! Of course, I am a little nervous about the prospect of having to eat with a fork instead of just sucking your blood through a hole in my abdomen. Will you help me learn, Mommy? Ha ha, of course you will, since staying home and raising babies is what walking incubators---I mean, women are meant to do! ^_^
Wow, I just heard some nice lady tell you that I could grow up to cure cancer one day! What's cancer, Mommy? Is it something that gives people ouchies? Maybe when I'm born, I'll grow up, get real smart, and cure all the world's ouchies! Wouldn't that just be super-cool, Mommy?
Ha ha, I'm just teasing you, Mommy! I don't want to put a stop to ouchies. I want to MAKE ouchies. You don't know it yet, but I'm going to grow up to be a violent socio
A vegetarian headline:Cow eats man in self defence.A vegetarian headline:8 years ago in Humor More Like This
APH Masquerade ch 1The invitations had been sent. The separate invitations telling who was to wear a costume had also been sent.APH Masquerade ch 14 years ago in Introductions & Chapters More Like This
Germany sat behind her desk staring at the two envelopes on it. One was a blue color, the color everyone had been sent for the party itself. The other was a dark red color. The color few had gotten.
The color that meant they had to wear something that would hide their identity from the other nations.
It was a masquerade. Only instead of having everyone dress up and hide their identities England had decided that only a short few would be selected.
He claimed he was using magic to decide who would and had no idea how was picked.
Germany didn't believe him.
She turned the invitation in her hands gently once more. She had been invited to parties and balls before. Countless times. And they were something that she hated. She only went to the most necessary ones.
However ever since she had become friends with Italy she had started to go to them more often if only to see him smile.