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OMG! HI everyone! :squee:

thank you guys soo much, 400 watchers is huge deal for me!
In celebration of this 400 watchers, I will be doing a free plushie giveaway!
I will be giving away a "chibi plushie" of your choice! It has to be one that I've already made.

Steps To enter this giveaway:

Bullet; Pink favorite this journal entry

Bullet; White watch me!

Bullet; Pink must comment on this journal entry

THIS GIVEAWAY WILL LAST TILL JUNE 15TH! :bulletred: so hurry now!!
  • Playing: Earthbound
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I finally took some time to make what (I hope) is a decent tutorial on how I make the leg armatures in my soft mounts, because I've had so many people asking me how I do it! And I don't know how to livestream stuff so I figured I would just videotape the process of working on my latest coyote, so that way I can just send the link to anyone who asks in the future. It's a long process, and I admit its not the most exciting video to watch, but I edited it down to a tolerable length, so hopefully you can learn a thing or two from it! :) 

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Important: Have you Notified your Stock Providers?

Journal Entry: Sat Jan 25, 2014, 8:42 AM
Hi all,

I just wanted to take a quick moment out from registering people for the Photomanipulation Tournament to bring to your attention an issue that is plaguing our community.

I think a lot of people think that, with the new Mentions system, there is no need to notify stock providers when you use their work. This is untrue! There are a few of reasons why you still need to notify them via note or comment, as per their preference, when you use their stock:

1. Some people turn their Mentions off because they get to be annoying. Thus, if you don't tell them, they may never see your gorgeous work.

2. Stock providers like to keep track of your work, and notes/comments help with that.

3. If your stock provider doesn't see your work, he/she can't give you love!

4. It is almost always in a stock provider's Terms of Use to NOTIFY OF USE. If you cannot follow the TOU (including notifying them via note or comment), please don't use the stock.

Please keep this in mind next time you submit a photomanipulation or other deviation that uses stock or resources. We are so lucky to have an absolutely amazing stock community, and it is important to honor their wishes and show them respect.

And while I'm at it, I couldn't give a few DDs that I wanted to give last week because people didn't credit or wrote, "I'm tired and will add credits later." Seriously? Don't upload until you are able to credit. Again, it goes back to being fair and honoring these wonderful free gifts we are being given as members of the photomanipulation community on dA.

Carry on, and don't forget about the TOURNAMENT!!

Thank you,


Don't forget this important step in crediting your stock providers!
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Terms of Service: Comisisons

Journal Entry: Thu May 9, 2013, 11:13 PM


(update included: reviewing pre-existing terms, formatting changes, additional info)

Before you intend on commissioning please read the following terms of service. Upon sending me a request (for a commission) you have acknowledged that you have read and are in compliance with this commission terms of service.  


What are commissions?    Things to Include    Subject Matter    Payment    Deadlines and refund policies    Communication/correspondence    Rights/copyright and permissions

What are commissions?

  • "Commissions are small digital works or services offered by an artist, giving you the ability to obtain quality custom content." taken from here
  • These are generally offered in exchange for currency (only paypal at the moment) or at times adoptables or art
  • When purchasing a commission you are not purchasing the copyright to the art (read rights/copyright and permissions)

Things to Include

Things you need to include in your (first) note when ordering a commission
This is the info you need to include when ordering a commission, if anything is missing I will not be able to accept your commission.
  1. Include your references! I prefer clear image references but if not. Please understand, this is to avoid errors that happen because references provided were vague or/or incomplete.
  2. Your paypal email, at the moment I only accept commissions through paypal
  3. What style/type of commission you are intending to purchase
I will generally include a form to fill in with the commission post with these sections to fill in.

I usually go through the notes in chronological order (reading the ones sent first). But I can only consider orders with all the information included. So even if you have sent a note first but you haven't got all the info, that slot can be taken by someone who has sent a later note but has included everything!!!!

Subject Matter

  • References should be very clear and any specific requirements/details mentioned. 
  • I will happily correct any mistakes, given that they were made on my behalf (e.g. I misread a description), I do try to read/look as closely as possible but I might make a mistake. However if the mistake is as a result of insufficient information (e.g. unclear references, the element is not mentioned prior to me accepting the commission), you cannot force me to correct it. There will some leniency with whether or not I choose to correct something depending on how clear/unclearly it was described and the size of the error. However under no circumstances will I redraw a commission.
  • In regards to artistic freedom, I will make stylistic choices, if these fall under anything you have not specified before we agreed on the commission. If you would like me to use the exact colours (literally taking the colour picker tool to choose colours), please tell me as such because I tend to stray slightly from exact colours so that the image seems more harmonious. I may be willing to edit them. However I will not redraw a whole piece because you didn't tell me exactly what you wanted.
  • If you are commissioning a character that belongs to someone else. I would like a confirmation that you have permission to do so. This is a rather vague condition because I know that sometimes people might want to commission surprise gift art but on the flip side, I definitely do not approve of commissions of stolen designs. Since this is so ambiguous, if you are commissioning a character that isn't yours, please inform me.
  • I will not draw in any styles that are not being offered at that moment in time whether they be mine or any other styles (e.g. other styles from specific cartoons or other artists styles.)
  • Since I don't really have a list of things I will or won't draw, I reserve the right not to take commissions for what ever reason, specified or unspecified. For instance if I find it is not within my ability or I simply do not want to draw it. However you are welcome to ask me whether I will or won't draw something.


  • Do not send the payment until I have agreed to take your commission.
  • I will only accept payments through Paypal, I take only USD unless listed otherwise.
  • I will generally send an invoice with an all inclusive fee.
  • All payments are to be made upfront unless I have suggested and we have both agreed otherwise. I will not start your commission or add you to the commission list until the payment has reached my end.
  • I reserve the right to cancel a commission if the payment has not been made in a timely manner. I will be the judge of this since I understand that you might have some trouble sending the payment over. However what I usually consider as a timely manner is 36 hours, to cover any issues resultant of timezones and time differences.
  • Displayed prices are subject to change due to complexity of the art requested, however they will generally fall in the price ranges shown.

Deadlines and refund policies

  • It is possible to set a deadline for when I must finish the commission by. However it may influence whether I do intend to take your commission or not and the price of the commission.
  • If the deadline is not met, I will provide a full refund, excluding transaction fee for the commission.
  • Any cancellations made without a legitimate reason, I will be the judge of this, may or may not receive a refund. However if a suitable reason is given I will refund the payment minus the any work already completed and send over the incomplete piece.


  • At the moment all correspondence regarding commissions are to be made through deviantart notes.
  • You may check on the progress of your work and ask for WIPs (work in progresses, simply a screenshot of where I am up to), given that this is done in a civil manner. However I'm not obliged to provide WIPs especially for smaller scale works such as pixel icons etc.
  • Rude, disrespectful and/or abusive commissioners will have their commissions cancelled and be refunded minus any progress on their commission made before the event. I may also block/ignore or refuse commissions from them without any questions asked.

Rights/copyright and permissions
  • I own the full rights to the work, unless we have both made an agreement for the commissioner to pay for the full rights. In short the commissioner does not have full rights to the artwork unless these rights have been purchased and specifically stated by me only. 
  • The commissioner is never permitted to edit/modify, distribute, make merchandise, claim credit, use for advertising whether under any circumstances without my explicit permission be it for profit or non-profit.
  • The commissioner is not permitted under any circumstances to crop, edit/modify, change, recolour, filter, trace, vector or appropriate the art in any way unless you have explicitly asked for permission. Only resizing the whole image for thumbnails is permitted. When ever in doubt please ask.
  • If the commission is to remain private (i.e. I may not post it any where), this may entail an additional fee and must be mentioned before I accept the commission and become a term of the commission. These commissions are not permitted to be posted on public websites under any circumstances. Simply if I am not allowed to post the commission, neither are you.
  • If the commissioner has any restrictions on where the art can or cannot be posted, similar to private commissions, this may entail an additional fee. This must also be stated before I accept the commission and will become a term of the commission. Commissioners are not permitted to posted the art on the websites that have been restricted. Again if I cannot post it on a certain website, neither can you.
  • The image is allowed to be used by the commissioner for personal uses such as wallpapers, icons etc. However if the image is public, credit must be visibly given to me, the artist.
  • Commissioners are not entitled to the psd, sai or other files which contain layers. I will only send the commission as a png file or gif file if it is animated. If you have commissioned an animated piece where saving it as a gif file compromises the quality, you are able to ask for the png file.
  • After you have received your finished commission (this includes any correction of mistakes) the transaction will be over and you are not permitted to ask for a refund.
  • It is your responsibility to upload the image to another server after I have sent you the link. I don't tend to keep the files on my computer after I have uploaded them so the image is lost on the hosting site. I will not be able to retrieve it for you.

If you've got any questions regarding the above please don't be afraid to ask!

CSS made by TwiggyTeeluck
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Many of us start with one brand of polymer clay to start, and as we embrace the clays pros, we often eventually get used to the cons as well and work our way around them. But what if you knew which brand was right for you before you even touched the clay? Each polymer clay brand has many characteristics that make it distinct from other brands, so if you are looking for a specific trait in your clay, you might want to read on. Who knows, you might find something better then what you are working with right now.

I have personally tried every popular brand of polymer clay, and there are about five of them. There are also the polymer clays that require painting afterwards, like Studio by Sculpey as well as Super Sculpey... but I will not get into those.

The five most easily attainable clays are Fimo Classic, Fimo Soft, Sculpey III, Premo, and Kato Polyclay. Each have their own distinct characteristics, pros, cons, and baking times. These are my findings in point form:

Fimo Classic
Baking: 230°F / 110°C for 30 mins (per 1/4" thickness) Do not exceed 265°F / 130°C
· The firmest of the clays. Although it has gotten softer after many new formulations over the years. It has suffered many problems in recent years due to unsatisfied sculptors who favoured the old formula over the new ones.
· Difficult to work with, especially for beginners.
· Needs quite a bit of conditioning, preferably by using a mallet or by using a pasta machine.
· Tends to crumble over time, especially if poorly stored.
· Comes in a wide range of wonderful colours, including pastels.
· Great for caning and firm enough to sculpt easily.
· Certain colours can darken in the oven.
· Very hard after baking.

Fimo Soft
Baking: 230°F / 110°C for 30 mins (per 1/4" thickness) Do not exceed 265°F / 130°C
· Extremely easy to work with.
· Good for beginners.
· Softer than Fimo Classic but not as soft as Sculpey III.
· Does not need any conditioning, and can be worked with right out of the package.
· Can get sticky or mushy when over worked.
· Can be britle after baking, but not as britle as Sculpey III.
· Darker colours can bleed into lighter colours.
· Comes in many different colours as well as special effects like stones, textures, metallics, glow in the dark, translucent, etc.

Sculpey III
Baking: 275°F / 130°C for 15 mins (per 1/4" thickness)
· Extremely easy to work with.
· Great for beginners.
· The softest clay to work with.
· Does not need any conditioning, and can be worked with right out of the package.
· Can get sticky or mushy when over worked.
· Can be very britle after baking - the weakest of the clays.
· Colours tend to stay the same before and after baking.
· Translucent Sculpey tends to brown while baking.
· White Sculpey is very bright.
· One of the best colour palettes of clay there is. There is metallics, stone, textures, pearls, translucent, glow in the dark, pastels, fluorescents, etc.
· Not very good for caning, but some people HAVE accomplished it.

Premo! Sculpey
Baking: 275°F / 130°C for 30 mins (per 1/4" thickness)
· My choice as the best clay to work with. Highly recomended!
· Easy to work with.
· Softer than Fimo Classic or Kato, but not as soft as Fimo Soft or Sculpey III.
· Needs minimal conditioning.
· Certain colours can be a little soft, but most are nice and firm.
· One of the strongest clays after baking.
· Colours tend to stay the same before and after baking.
· "Frost" Premo is one of the best translucent clays.
· Has an "artist palette" when it comes to colours. Such as Cadmium Red, Zinc Yellow, etc. Artists find this fantastic, but if you aren't very aquainted with the artists palette, it can be a little difficult to mix colours.
· Not as many "fun colours" compared to other clays.
· It can be very temperature sensative, so it can get mushy on hot days and really hard to work with in the Winter.
· A great "all purpose" clay, and a total happy medium between all other clays.

Kato Polyclay
Baking: 300°F / 150°C for 10 mins (per 1/4" thickness)
· A very firm clay, but not as firm as Fimo Classic.
· Not recommended for beginners.
· Needs conditioning - preferably with a pasta machine.
· Can become crumbly if poorly packaged.
· Does not stay conditioned (workable) for long.
· Baked Kato Polyclay has a natural sheen.
· Surface seems to reject waterbased glazes like Varathane.
· Great for caning.
· Not as many "fun colours" compared to other clays.
· "Translucent" Kato Polyclay is very transparent.
· Strong after baking.
· Has a very strong smell during baking. Almost like the smell of "new doll".
· Tends to *gunk* up the sandpaper if you are sanding it.
· Is very good at smoothing and leaves little fingerprints.
· All colours tend to be the same firmness.

In Conclusion...

My personal favourite clay to work with is Premo. It really is the happy medium of polymer clays, although it isn't exclusively what I work with. I do not work with Fimo Soft or Kato much, but I love Sculpey III for it's awesome colour palette, and I ocassionally use Fimo Classic because it is so firm. If I need a lot of one colour, say... a nice bright red, I tend to combine one each block of the Sculpey III "Red Hot Red" with Fimo Classic "Carmine" and Premo "Cadmium Red"... the result is a fabulous bright hue of red with the firmness of something between Premo and Fimo Classic. It's lovely.

I really dig the "Frost" Premo as opposed to the "Translucent" Premo. The difference is that a bit of bleach has been added to "Frost" which results in much less browning compared to "Translucent".

Mixing brands can be done no problem, all you have to do is adjust the baking time. For example, if you are mixing Fimo Classic and Sculpey, you should go with the lower temperature for Fimo Classic, and possibly bake it a little longer. Just experiment, and use your best judgement!

Comment me with your findings to share your thoughts with the viewers! Who knows, we might all learn something. Happy claying!
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This is so much win XD
A crossover-like of Shingeki no Kyojin and Hetalia I saw on tumblr.....



Hetalia and Attack on Titan fandom.....what are you doing to me?! :XD:

  • Mood: Cheerful
  • Listening to: Jiyuu no Tsubasa
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It goes without saying that this is probably the hardest thing I've ever had to write. How do you describe the impact that your absolute best friend has had on you, even in death? How do you write about your idol taking his own life? How do you put into words your feelings about someone that you were so known for adoring that your name will forever be inextricably linked to his? I'm not sure if I even can, but I'd be damned if I didn't at least give it a try.
By now, it's common knowledge. Justin Spencer Carmical, an Internet reviewer known to many as JewWario and my best friend in all of time and space, died by his own hand on Thursday, January 23, 2014. And as has been said, anyone that knew Justin, a group that I am so incredibly proud to call myself a part of, is most shattered by the fact that the way he left us was the polar opposite of his personality -- at least outwardly, as we all now know.
Do you remember Dug, the talking dog from the Pixar film Up? One of that character's first lines in the film was, "I have just met you, and I love you." I can say confidently and without exaggeration that Justin Carmical was the very same way. Nobody was ever a stranger to him, only a friend he'd never met. You could approach him for the first time as a fan and he'd treat you like he'd known you since elementary school, and you'd walk away feeling like you truly made a connection, and chances are you did. He had a way of talking to people that instantly made you feel at ease, even if (like me) you were originally too wonderstruck to even form words.
Justin didn't believe in handshakes. Whether you were meeting him for the first or forty-second time, you'd find yourself the recipient of an enormous bear hug. Hell, even calling them hugs is an understatement. They were more like cuddles, and they had the power to make you feel that you were truly loved, cared about, accepted. Because that's what Justin did, he cared. I'm sure you've all seen the "you're not stupid" video that's gone viral, in a sense, since the tragedy. I was at that stream, and I can tell you, he wasn't just saying that stuff to sound good. He didn't mean it lightly. He truly believed in the potential of all his friends (he insisted on calling us that -- we weren't merely his fans, we were truly his friends), and on a personal level, I can tell you that Justin's belief in me gave me more confidence than I ever could have imagined.
We -- the community of his fans (I'm sorry, his friends) -- used to refer to him as our Mr. Rogers. He would play it up, going so far as to sing Fred Rogers' traditional goodbye song at the end of each of his livestreams:

It's such a good feeling to know you're alive.
It's such a happy feeling, you're growing inside.
And when you wake up, ready to say,
"I think I'll make a snappy new day."
It's such a good feeling, a very good feeling,
The feeling you know, that I'll be back, when the day is new,
And I'll have more ideas for you.
And you'll have things you'll want to talk about,
I will too.

As touching as this one gesture may be, the Mr. Rogers comparison didn't end with just a song. Justin radiated love and compassion wherever he went, in a way as reminiscent of Diana, Princess of Wales, as of Fred Rogers himself. He never had a bad thing to say about anyone and could find the positive in any situation. Whenever Justin entered a room, it was like there was a huge surge of positive energy that instantly made everything a whole lot livelier. The way he talked to you made you feel like the ultimate VIP. His eyes would sparkle, he'd become almost comically animated, and he'd ask questions -- relevant, truly curious questions. He loved people and was always legitimately enthralled by whatever they had to say. It was always very apparent how amazingly delighted he was to see you.
My most memorable exposure to this legendary compassion occurred in the fall of 2011. Days before Halloween, Connecticut (and most of New England at large) was hit by a freak blizzard. My car, which had been parked outside during the storm, was annihilated by a falling tree. Due to the unpreparedness and general incompetence of the state electric company (so bad that it CEO resigned due to the voulme of complaints), our house was out of power for eleven days, with our family even having to resort to showering at the local high school, since our water was also electrically controlled. However, we still had our cell phones, and my smartphone provided access to Skype. Justin would check in on me every single day to ask how we were doing ("okay"), if the roads were cleared ("mostly, but that downed pole out by the mailbox is still there"), what the power company's estimate was for the lights coming back on ("yesterday afternoon!"). He even went so far as to check the Connecticut outage maps and local weather reports to see if he could relay any information to me. During that week and a half without power, Justin was my saving grace. He never asked for anything in return, he was just doing it out of concern for my own safety.
I'm not here to try and make sense of what happened to him. Unfortunately, those are questions that will inevitably go unanswered. And that's not what I want to remember about Justin. The Justin I want to remember is the loving Justin that was my best friend, the silly Justin that could make me laugh when I was at my worst, the playful Justin whose lighthearted teasing brightened every day.
I loved him. Honestly, I have never truly adored or idolized a human being in all my life as much as I have Justin Carmical. His selflessness and sweetness was deservedly legendary, and yet he could also be frank and direct when he needed to be. He wasn't afraid to call me out when he thought I was being dumb or going overboard. I admit that conversations like this happened more often than I would have liked, albeit never entirely unexpected, but Justin would never lecture me. He was always sweet but firm, acknowledging that yes, I had screwed up, but that in the end it would be something to learn from, and while at the time it might have been a bad decision, my doing it did not automatically make me a bad person. He didn't think I was a bad person, so there was no reason for me to think that.
I've said multiple times since he left us that I'd trade living a thousand more years for just one more great big cuddly bear hug. But in truth, although the time I had with Justin, both at conventions and online, is a time that was way too short for anyone's liking, it is, first and foremost, two and a half wonderful, magical years that I would not trade for even the promise of immortality.
Finally, I would like to address Justin personally. I know you can hear me, J, so here goes.
Thank you, Justin. Thank you so much. For making me KittyMarie and, through that nickname, giving me the most amazing friends a girl could ever wish for. For seeing the real me when even I didn't know who she was. For never being afraid to be silly. For tolerating my fangirling and that unavoidable crush. For instilling in me more confidence than I could have ever hoped to have. For showing me that my Aspergers cannot and should not define me. For helping me realize that a few small stupid actions don't make a bad person. For showing me that it's OK to be passionate about what you love. For all your talks, all your teasing, all your laughter, all your hugs, all your jokes. Thank you for loving me, Justin, and know that I will never, ever, ever stop loving you. For as long as I live, you will always be my best friend.

I love you, Justin Carmical.

Katie Marie "KittyMarie" Dunne 
February 5, 2014

My Idol by KittyMarie992

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My visitor...

Fri Jun 15, 2012, 1:03 AM

EDIT 6: His name is Hektor now. Hahaha.... he will be coming back this evening and I sooooo hope that after a few days he will be coming back to my garden again so I can work on socializing him more and more. Keeping him inside now would not work... yet. But one thing after the other. He now has to learn how to trust me again and I promise to do my very best. If all this will work out and the allergy test for both me and my son will be negative, Hektor will be chipped with my information. :)

EDIT 5: Congrats to everyone who said, that Katze is a male... as you were right. So "she" is a "he" and he still is at the vet until tomorrow evening. He got his bits bewteen his legs removed and also they removed fleas and worms. he is not chipped and not tattooed which means that no one feels responsible for him... well, of course I do now.

There is also very sad news about him though.... his leg. He must have had an accident, for example with a car quite some time ago because indeed his leg has been broken... very badly actually. Same goes for his jaw, so they had to remove a tooth which was causing trouble since then... but the broken jaw bone healed fine and now he should not have problems with that any more. Unfortunately the vet could not say this about his leg... the injury has been very very bad and complicated and the bone healed in a wrong way.

This means that - if he comes back to me after I caught him - I need to pay attention: Does the leg and the eay he walks on it stay as it is, he should be fine. Old wounds / scras sometimes hurt when the wether changes, so there might be days, when he might have a little trouble with walking. But if it gets very very bad all the sudden, caused by whatever, he needs to be caught again - and the leg will be removed. Oh, this poor little thing.

The more important it is for me now, to get him used to me more and more, so he will have his safe place here with me and my son... because indeed this cat has a bad injury and someone has to keep an eye on it.

And yeah, he needs a name now... I will think of something. Such a fighter as him deserves a fitting name...! :love:

EDIT 4: So Katze allows me touching her... but I do this very very carefully, it is not that I pet her... but when feeding her, my finger "accidently" touches her cheek and it does not make her running away. Also she has been sleeping inside my apartment for an hour or such and she comes inside every day to walk around the rooms, sort of checking, if everything is alright. I talk a lot with her and she keeps on talking back now which is rather cute.

Also I have contacted help. She will be caught when I have a few days off and brought to the vet because her leg still is not alright. They will also check for flees and worms and see if she has a chip or tattoo, just in case that she does belong to someone. Knowing this, I feel a lot better now, even though I know that she will be angry with me after that. But I NEED to do this... since her legs seems to look worse again. Maybe it is the hot weather... but I really want to make sure and do not wish to wait any longer.

EDIT 3: Guess who was standing in the middle of my kitchen today... sniffing for food, looking all shocked when I discovered her, then giving me the innocent look, running away as fast as the can...? (I left the window open.)
I am still not allowed to touch her... but she makes contact with me. Her leg looks a lot better too.

EDIT 2: Katze came into my apartment! She did not really stay for long, she pretty much just came in, gave me a "meow" and left again. Her foot must have been broken because the leg is mishshaped a little... but then, she steps on it again while walking and Katze looks way better overall againb... healthier somehow. I took a new picture that I need to get off my camera, then I will upload it here to DA. :heart:

EDIT 1: Katze lies in my garden at this very moment - and she is sleeping. She looks so adorable and when walking slowly, she can step on her hurt leg again. I keep on feeding her and again she is a little less shy. She brought a dead mouse in front of my door the other day. Also I am saying "she" because tiny as she is, I believe more and more that it is a girl. I try to make another photo so when the situation is right. :heart:

... as some of you have seen already in my gallery - I have a visitor for a few days now.

This is him / her: Visitor by Mavrosh

This little fellow comes into my garden for about a month now, almost every evening. He / she is very shy and won´t let me close to him / her but as this is such a cutie, I started to give him / her little cat snacks that I bought. While a few days ago he / she still ran away with the food to eat it all hidden behind my roses, he / she now even dares to eat right in front of my window - which I see as a first sign of trust.

Yesterday this little critter (he / she has the official name "cat" now) came again... and I had to see that cat  seems to have a hurt front leg. Cat does not step on it while walking and I might be wrong but it looks as if it might be broken. I gave cat something to eat and tried to get closer to him / her but again - cat would not let me. Poor little thing.

This morning I bought canned food and I put it outside into my garden, together with some water. I assume that this cat has either been abandoned or is a stray cat and also I will pay attention to cats leg and if it has been treated. If not, I feel responsible to call a vet who needs to catch cat and does something about this injury.

My colleague at work told me that he knows someone who helps out stray cats here in the town where I live, this woman catches them and takes them to vets. I will get the phone number of this lady and will contact her this weekend and ask for help.

I will keep you guys updated if you want... let´s hope the best for cat... because cat is so adorable... :love:

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Hektor - the story continues... final edit!

Journal Entry: Wed Aug 15, 2012, 1:47 PM
EDIT August 25th:

Over night I have gotten really sweet notes by nice people here who offered help with the allergy thing.... thank you very much! You know who you are and I really apprecuiate your thoughts and ideas.

Unfortunately I got even more notes telling me to keep the cat, not understanding what this is all about. So I am telling you know:

I have several allergies against several things already, be it fur of guinea pigs, pollen, antibiotics or food or even dust. Those are just a few examples of many.... believe me, many allergies. Being stung by a wasp or even eating a fresh apple will kill me within minutes.  I am on antihistamine pills pretty much all of the year, so my symptoms are reduced... but they are never fully gone.

I have this since I am a small child. There have been times I could not leave the house in spring, because  I had bad bad asthma because of the pollen and believe me, this is hard for a child, when your friends may play outside in the sun while you sit inside with infected eyes.

I have tried so many medication in my life... I have gotten injections for years... they tried many therapies on me, just to see that none of those worked. I am already very happy that at least we found a medication that reduces the symptoms... but I have to take it most of the year which is something that cannot be good for you too.... but then at least it gives me back life quality.

Well, all of this has been the reason why I never had a pet - and never wanted one, because this little voice inside my head always told me, that this might be a problem for my health.

In May 2012 Hektor came for the very first time. A skinny stray cat with a broken leg, looking desperate and hungry. Of course I had to help! You all know the story as I keep everyone updated... I started to feed him, bought cat food and at some point I contacted a local help organization to help me catch him and bring him to the vet. It turned out that Hektor had old fractures which never healed properly and he was full of parasites and not castrated. So the vet did all he could do, castrated him, pulled teeth which had to be done because of the old jaw fracture but unfortunately there was nothing he could do about the leg. I was told to watch the cat, to look for it and if the animal is in pain so the leg must be removed maybe.

So Hektor was brought back to my garden and I continued to do what I did before - I fed him and watched if he is doing good.

But things have changed and the cat got closer and closer to me, trusted me more and more, coming inside my apartment... and he is inside, moved in with me... loves me...

... and here I sit with asthma now, thick red eyes and itching skin. I am fucking crying  while I sit here and write this.... I cry every evening since I know about the fact that I will not b able to kep this cat (yeah, I have been at my family doctor who did another allergy test on me and he told me I should find a place for Hektor... he knows about these health problems which I am having for most of my life and how fucking serious they can be)... I contacted the local help organization again to help me with my problem and now we are looking for a solution together... a solution which will be the best for Hektor - but also for me.

And now there is people who write notes to me, telling me to keep Hektor and that it is not right to give him away... because the poor poor cat has chosen me... which is true of course but.... what about me? What about my health? Where do you people take the rights from to tell me (some did it directly, others between the lines) that I am a bad person to give up upon this cat, who stumbled into my life just a few weeks ago while I sit here and mourn about the decision I had to make every fucking evening? Do you think that this does not touch me at all? Hell, I love this cat! I never wanted one but I love him now and it is not only sad for him but also for me. Ever thought about that? I tried, I really tried my very best, I fed him, I fucking paid the vet, I tried to live with him... I love him and giving him away breaks my heart. But then... I have enough health issues already and also I have a son who needs a healthy mother.... such as hektor would need a healthy human companion as well btw.

I will find a good place for him. I have help with this. I promise I will.

But also I will never ever tell anything important  from my private life ever again here in my journals... because I refuse to read notes like the ones that I got within the last hours. You people know who you are, I also contacted you directly... fuck you!

EditAugust 24th:

Hektor by Mavrosh

Hektor... he moved in with me now. The only time he is NOT with me, is when I have to go to work, this is when he is still outside. The rest of the time he stays with me now, he is inside or in my garden. When I sleep he lays down with me, when I shower, he sits in front of the shower and sings songs for me and when I pay more attention to the computer than him, he sings songs for me again... just then his "music" is a little more annoying.

He loves to bite into my knuckle when playing and he purrs on my feet when I watch TV. He put on some more weight and his fur is soft and shiny.

To make it short: happy cat is happy. :love:

But I also have bad news... I am allergic. Now that he is inside my apartment, when I am here, I can clearly tell that this is the fact. my skin is itching after touching him, I have trouble breathing when he is inside and close to me and I sneeze like an idiot. He loves to rub his face against my face which causes my eyes to get all red and swollen, such as my nose.... yeah. Allergy. It actually does not surprise me.

So... I contacted the help organization (the one which already helped me with bringing him to the vet) and asked for help... bcause it is for sure that he cannot live with me - which breaks my heart to be honest. My plan is to find a beautiful home for him... a perfect place for him and I am sure that with the help of this organization I can find something. THey really look for good places for "their" cats and until one is found, he of course may stay with me and I take care of him, ignoring my hehalth difficulties.

He is very young still (they said, he must be something around two years of age) and to see that he is able to trust a human, I am sure, he can learn that with someone else again... now that he has seen that not all humans are assholes. As I said, it breaks my heart that I had to decide to give him away.... but then - better now than later. And then we have not found anything yet.

he is a wonderful cat and full of potential. he is intelligent and a wonderful companion who I will really miss once the day has come.

And please - since I have had reactions like this already - do not come to me now and tell me that people with allergies can live with cats by just ignoring the health issues. This is complete nonsense and I will not tolerate sentences like that. Thick red eyes and breathing trouble is nothing I would  want to live with for the next 15 years... and I am sure that Hektor would not want that as well if he would think the way we do. My allergy is a fact, a very sad fact actually because I really love this little guy and I would have kept him if there was not this problem. It makes me very sad... Hektor is a great character and he only deserves the best. :heart: But I never decided to get a cat but he decided to get a human. So it is not that I bought a cat and then realized, oh shit, I am allergic. He came to me, a stray cat, hurt with several fractures. I am not complaining... I actually am very happy that I was able to help him... and I would do it again.

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I have gotten many questions about I thought I would clear it up a bit :D

I live in a very small village in Northern Alaska.  I also grew up in even a smaller village.  The thing is, we have no roads.  So all of the food for the stores come through airplane.  As a consequence, food is very very expensive, because we are also paying for it to be shipped by air.

Jobs are scarce here.  And more than 75% of them are taken by people who are not from here and/or don't even live here.  So money is rare.

We are also part of a movement to keep our culture alive.  In this day and and age filled with computers, airplanes, drugs, and other impending situations including the decimation of our is a struggle to hold onto what little there is left.  And even harder because the younger generations do not hold it dear.

All of my natural materials come from the animals we harvest for food, or from animals that were trying to eat us while we are gathering food.  Not only do we store food for the winter months, but we also feed 15+ families.  I am lucky enough to be paired with a man who is a very good hunter, and a generous one at that.  He works very hard to keep  us fed.  It is a year long mission, and is very dangerous.  We do not do massive collecting of animals, nor do we use inhumane methods.

As a consequence of living a subsistance lifestyle, my people are very dedicated to protecting our resources.  We fight hard to keep our land and animals free of contaminants and the encroaching civilization.  We take care of our source of food, and it shows by the healthy stable numbers reported by our government.  It is only when you take the animal away from us leaglly, that it suffers.

So after hunting, and all the meat is stored, and it has been portioned out to those who need it, there is often parts of the animals left over.  The fur, claws, whiskers, bones, baleen and other such things are often left and forgotten.  As a trained artist, it is a very wonderful resources, very unique and rare.  So I take it upon my self to learn how to create beautiful things....from the "leftovers".

I am registered with the state program called "silver hand."  It basically means that they have checked my bloodline and confirm that I am Alaskan Native, that I am Inupiaq Eskimo of the Tikigaqmiut.  And because of this I can sell my work legally.

Specific materials

FOSSIL IVORY is at least a few hundred years old, and is found regularly washed up on the beaches here, or found on the tundra when weather exposes it.  The darker it is, the more bluish-black it gets, the older it is.  Sometimes I will also use mammoth or mastadon ivory in my work if it is available.

POLAR BEAR CLAWS are gotten from polar bears that are killed by Inupiaq Eskimo Hunters.  Unlike "head hunters", we use all of the animal.  The animal's meat is usually divided up in the community, it tastes like a very rich and fishy red meat.  The hide,  teeth, claws, and skull are used in artwork.  Polar bears are never killed for pleasure or just for trophy.  All polar bears taken are tracked by the State gov. Measurements and samples are kept on record.  Lately there have been a increase in crazy and/or sick bears and we feel it is due to the warming, which decreases thier food source, and makes them take risks they would not normally take.  They are a very scary bear as they are not intimidated by humans at all.  Some of the meat is actually poisonous, and so great care and knowledge is needed in preparing Polar bear meat.

WALRUS IVORY is taken from the walrus.  The whole walrus is used and/or eaten.  They provide a very sustantial amount of meat, and their hide is used to make things like the large blankets for the blanket toss during some celebrations.  I also sometimes use thier whiskers in my work if I can get them.  Walrus Ivory CANNOT be worked/sold/bought raw by a non-Alaskan Native.  We are they only ones in the U.S. allowed to use and gather it.  You CANNOT buy a piece unless it is worked into something by a registered Alaska Native.

SEAL GUT is the actual dried seal intestine of the bearded seal.  This is the most revered and hard to catch seal.  Thier meat and blubber and skin is very much loved and used in things like the skin for the boats that are used in whaling.  

BALEEN are the flat long slim plates found inside the bowhead whales mouth.  They have long rough hairs on the inside.  The Whale uses them to seive out the krill in thier mouth.  Inupiaq Eskimo's of the North Slope of Alaska are one of the few peoples still alowed to hunt the whales, and are governed by international laws.  We are only allowed a certain amount, and this amount is judged by how many people need to be fed.  The bowhead whale is a central figure in our culture.  We still use skin boats and traditional methods to hunt the whale.  

SEAL SKIN is leftovers from seals that are caught for food.  We do NOT do mass killings like I have heard about on the opposite coast.  These seals are taken by skilled hunters and involve many hours and much danger since they are taken on the ice, one by one if the conditions are right.   They are never hunted for thier fur, they are hunted for food and for the blubber they can provide.  

WOLF PRODUCTS, Wolverine products like fur and claws are scraps and leftovers from what we harvest to use for our winter gear.  It gets down to -70 degrees (I think the coldest ever was actually -100 degrees) in the winter time.  And since winter lasts for half the year here we do have to venture out in the deep cold.  There is absolutely no material that can act as a substitute for wolf fur trim/wolverine fur that keeps our exposed skin from freezing instantly. We harvest wolves and wolverines from a population that is not ever in danger of being endangered.  My husband is one of a very few people that harvests wolves, and we supply many families with enough fur to survive the winter.  

If I am missing anything please feel free to ask me, I love sharing my culture and ansering questions!
  • Mood: Love
  • Listening to: the wind
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