I Was In A Bad PlaceI’ll indite my crude and clumsy rhymes
From my place in the pitch dark
And will wait all night if needs must
For that one creative spark
That will manifest thoughts in my mind
Into a charged lightning bolt
Strike my memories, open my wounds
And let writing be my salt
So cut me and see the metaphors
Floating around my blood stream
Pour salt on the literal lesions
To punctuate my primal scream
As painful at first as the memory
But after the initial sting
Wounds will heel, leaving only scars
Numbness replaces everything
This lack of feeling is temporary
As a writer I live for the pain
Of opening up new abrasions
To keep me lucid and sane
Deviant words in dank surroundings
Disturbed thoughts I can not waste
I apologise in retrospect
But I was in such a bad place
The Deepest Depths of BlueThe chain of events that followed your birthThe Deepest Depths of Blue3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Were as tumultuous as each twisted link
Your mind was wired for the written word
But under no circumstances should you think
As the decreasing circles of sanity
Will ripple through your infant mind
The soul can't escape your hollow bones
Until you leave those thoughts behind
You feel trapped inside your grey matter
But freedom will be yours in the end
Once you realise that you are a miracle
That'll never be repeated again
Open your eyes to the beauty of the truth
That there is a reality worth seeing
And dive into the deepest depths of blue
Of your soul, your essence, your being
The Right Hand Curse ReversedEverything that my right hand has ever writtenThe Right Hand Curse Reversed2 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
Comes from the heart and mind of a boy that is cursed
So from now on I’ll learn to write with my left hand
In hope not expectation that this curse will be reversed
And then I shall sit in front of an open fire
Unflinching as each flame licks closer to my face
Not close enough though so it could swallow me whole
But just close enough so that it can have a taste
Of the beads of regret in my perspiration
That are forming and rolling down my furrowed brow
From a wildfire mind that is now out of control
Come thoughts that these damp morals fail to disallow
Everything that my right hand has ever written
Might as well have been scribed in invisible ink
With my thoughts being a vessel on a voyage of hope
And the weight of my memories causing it to sink
Right down to the depths of the deepest ocean floor
And left down there to rot beneath the sea bed
I thank the Lord that they’ll remain out of reach
And that none of the words I’ve
A Lonely LifeI have proof that love isn’t realA Lonely Life2 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
And that fate means nothing
Though I did feel my heart breaking
So there must be something
Maybe I’m alone in my thoughts
That love’s worth fighting for
Maybe I’m alone in my dreams
Just as I was the night before
Oh Lord, I don’t need no children
Lord, I don’t need no wife
Please take me now or leave me here
To live out my lonely life
I have proof that love isn’t real
That souls are worth nothing
But I felt my spirit leaving me
While my life was ongoing
Maybe I’m over sentimental
And listen to poets too much
Maybe I’ll believe in what I feel
Not only what I can touch
Oh Lord, I don’t need to smile
Lord, I don’t need no laughter
Leave me here or take me now
To a heavenly hereafter
StarcrossedWe were found in a pool of bloodStarcrossed3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Starcrossed lovers in each others arms
Suicide note in your pocket
Your hand grasped tightly in my palm
You were wearing that red dress
Under your overcoat
The rain had fallen hard that day
Distorting the words which you'd wrote:
'Dear cruel world and everyone within
I am leaving you all today
With the only boy I have ever loved
Lay silent here next to me
Nobody understands me
Or heals my wounds like he does
He feels the pain and sadness too
and I think we have suffered enough
No tears should be shed on our passing
As our souls now reside as one
Look for us in the rain dew
Look for us in the morning sun
Listen for our voices in the wind
Whispering how everything will be ok
Life was ugly but our death has been played out
In such a beautiful way'
Beautifully Flawed Wild AnimalsAs a child I was kicked by a horseBeautifully Flawed Wild Animals3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
While approaching from behind
It knocked me clean across the stable
This fragile framed boy of nine
I tried so hard to be strong and brave
And as Mother wiped my tears away
All I could think was I must return
To the stable the very next day
I barely slept a wink that night
For thinking about the steed
And how the doctor said I‘d be dead
If hoof had hit below my knee
Running my hand over the horseshoe
That was bruised onto my thigh
I felt a very real connection
Between the animal and I
Mother woke me as dawn broke
Asked if I still wanted to go
To visit the scene of the crime
To visit my equus foe
I nodded bravely and forced a smile
And with that we were on our way
I recognised the farmers son
I recognised the bales of hay
And there he was right in front of me
He seemed bigger than before
But there was no fear in my heart
Just a sense of wonder and awe
The farmers son took me by the hand
And as he tended to its mane
He fed the horse a sugar cube
Homosexuality BitesThey found me slumped over in the school showersHomosexuality Bites3 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
With a towel loosely wrapped around my waist
Scalding hot water was blistering my skin
As I bled from an unspeakable place
A hard-handed teacher dragged me to my feet
With little or no sign of sympathy
For the bruising to my feeble framed ribcage
And the fractures to my identity
I think they all thought that I had it coming
As no one was willing to testify
That the sodomy inflicted upon me
Was something to which I hadn’t complied
Boisterous boys laughing in the corridors
As I shamefully limped throughout the day
Not a thought for the pain that was inflicted
Just worried for what my parents would say
I couldn’t bear it if I saw in their eyes
That I deserved everything that I got
As they are the ones who created my heart
Whether they care for whom it beats or not
So I will take a discriminate beating
If my resolve will help people to see
That I can not be anything more or less
Than the person that I was born to be
You're Not AloneSometimes the words that are writtenYou're Not Alone3 years ago in Concrete Poetry More Like This
Don't really ever make sense
And we find ourselves confused
But our feelings so intense
Sometimes we cannot see what's
staring us directly in the eye
And while they wait for us to notice
We say our sour goodbyes.
There are times we don't take risks
Risks that could change our lives
and when the opportunity ceases to exist
we wish we could change our minds
But you cant live in the past forever
Because things don't ever stay the same
And while we blame everyone else
We only have ourselves to blame
So hold on to the moment
and take a long, hard look around
be happy with what you have in life
and refuse to be put down
Everybody has struggles in life
and while they may not all be known
just remember troubles come and go
And that you are never ever truly alone
Red DreamsDarling,Red Dreams2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I have thought about
kissing your scraped knuckles
as much as I have thought about
slicing my skin wide open like the sky.
I have dreamed of brushing
your collarbones with my mouth as much
as I have dreamed of greeting death
with a kiss on the cheek.
I have already loved you every
minute of my dragged out life.
Please do not think that
you weren't enough.
(My wiring is faulty.
I was always just a building
destined to burn.)
Here With YouYou're right on the edge,Here With You2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
But you don't want to fall.
You're grasping in the air,
For anything at all.
Finally you find,
A place in my hand.
I begin to pull,
Bring you onto land.
Don't you worry.
You're safe here.
You'll be okay.
There's nothing to fear.
I see you crying.
You think of the end.
You feel so alone,
But I will be your friend.
Just talk with me.
You can even cry.
Just tell me everything.
Please don't be shy.
I just want you to smile.
I know it's tough to do.
Please just remember,
That I am here with you.
Suicidal Tendenciescourage doesn't comeSuicidal Tendencies2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
from the fibers you're
born with. You aren't
brave when you decide
when you wake
up in the bed
smeared with your
own self destruction
and you act as though
you aren't crumbling
into the carpet.
or when you hold
a piece of shrapnel
to your veins and
want to sever every last
one, but you throw it
out the window.
or when you stand
on the sunset
with clouds straddling
your mind and your
whole existence ready
to hurl itself over the
railing, but you limp
home and through the screen
door and pretend to walk
on air again.
That is bravery.
As Death ApproachedAs death approached, the girl just smiled.As Death Approached2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
"You've kept me waiting for quite a while."
He wonders "Shouldn't death you fear?"
"I've always thought that death was near."
The girl turned away to sink what she said.
"I have always felt I was already dead.
I float through this world without a care.
It's almost like I'm not really there.
So, no I'm not afraid of no longer being.
You can see that I'm already nothing."
Death just nodded. What she said was true.
"Regardless it is time for me to take you."
The girl stood up, all ready to go.
An afterlife she thought, wasn't likely to show.
Death did his duty, and took her away.
The girl finally had her awaited day.
Only MeWhat would it feel like,Only Me2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
To just disappear.
You wouldn't know,
If you just weren't here.
There is no feeling,
Because you can't feel.
You can't interpret.
You just aren't real.
It's so lonely here,
Where you used to be.
I look around,
But it's only me.
Check The MeaningIn barely legible handwritingCheck The Meaning2 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
Scribbled on to the medicine bottle label
Is my name Grayson Oliver Dowd
And two letters printed in ink of bold sable
In haste I didn't check the meaning
It makes sense now that O.D. stands for Once Daily
But I took it to mean Over Dose
Oh how my rational mind once again fails me
Soon after I see the weathered words
Inscripted deeply on to the granite gravestone
Here lies Grayson Oliver Dowd
With an epiphanic epitaph ‘he died alone’
Waking from my sleep I check the meaning
I realise R.I.P. stands for Rest In Peace
And not Recovery Is Possible
So my dose of dopamine I shall decrease
In barely legible handwriting
Scribbled onto the medicine bottle label
Is my name Grayson Oliver Dowd
And two letters printed in ink of bold sable
My shaking hand struggles with the child lock
Let me flush these pills away and out of sight
Oh Dear reads the letters on the label
It appears that you
Beyond The HorizonWe ran out of our homesBeyond The Horizon3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
And our dream quelling streets
Until mud under foot
Had replaced the concrete
From suburb to city
On to the countryside
We were running away
But not trying to hide
The world was still spinning
Faster than we could move
Though our hearts were breaking
Our poets' words would sooth
We left a cloud grey town
And in time reached the sea
Our home for so long
Evolution tells me
To the deepest warm blue
From the coolest pitch black
Shackles fell with each stroke
With our dreams still intact
Surrounded by fishes
Guiding us from the deep
Every league of ascent
Reinforced our belief
That it's the world, not life
That we were running from
The edge always hidden
Beyond the horizon
One day we will get there
From the Earth we shall fall
And in to the sunset
Our shadows will crawl
LightningHe was crying lightningLightning3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
An impulse from the brain
Unable to ignite his bones
Only serving to drain
A sense of melancholy
For a poor boy so young
Each breath had become a curse
Not a gift from his lung
She was crying lightning
There was calm before the storm
In the eye of the hurricane
Her boy was never warned
A sense of compunction
As once again she rolled the dice
Not once doubting the idiom
Lightning never strikes twice
They were crying lightning
Protons and electrons collide
As she whispered her secrets
Into his ear she confides
A sense of duality
They caress each others spark
Yet they're no longer static
As they emerge from the dark
Wicked TongueI will open my curtains tonightWicked Tongue2 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
Before I relinquish my bones to sleep
So I can rise and shine with the sun
At an incline that is not quite as steep
And I will plan my daily routine
So I am not required to interact
With anyone or with anything
Other than my path crossing black cat
I am the ghost of your former love
I am the spirit of your last best friend
Remember when I said I need you
Well I will not be needing you again
Never forget I am someone's brother
Never forget that I am someone's son
Remember this when you throw your stones
And you lash out with your wicked tongue
If I Could DrawIf I could draw, I'd draw the world.If I Could Draw2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I'd draw abstract with a bunch of swirls.
I'd draw some trees and a small lake.
I'd draw the truth, as well as the fake.
I'd draw my friends and I'd draw me.
I'd draw the details of everything I see.
I'd draw the visions in my head.
I'd draw the dreams from my bed.
I'd let you see the world as I do.
I'd capture what's known by few.
There's just some things words can't show,
Some parts of my head you'll never know.
My drawings are so terribly bad.
Artistic ability, I wish I had.
Blanking Out The Bad DaysI don’t like to keep blanking out the bad thoughtsBlanking Out The Bad Days2 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
As this means missing out on whole days
In fact weeks, months and years are passing me by
Which tells me this is not just a phase
But that’s not what my loved ones like to believe
They tell me it’s my age and will soon pass
Their turpentine optimism is misplaced
As my future begins to fade like brass
I don’t like to keep blanking out the bad days
But of late I do not have much choice
See anytime someone asks if I’m okay
A tremble can be heard in my voice
Somehow though I always keep it together
Like a jigsaw laid out on a table
But when I am alone I fall to pieces
In a box with a ‘parts missing’ label
I don’t like to keep blanking out the voices
But they question each decision I make
And lure me into troubles as if they’re a puddle
When they turn out to be a lake
That is always just one foot deeper in depth
Than my fragile frame is tall in height
And I know if I keep blanking out th
then he wavedhis fingers are harp strings,then he waved3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
tall blades of grass, cowering with a breeze,
a howl escaping them.
the notes with the wind curve across dunes,
mountainous joints curl with each pull,
sand escapes through protective eyelashes,
spreading its wings, gritty feathers,
enveloping a woman,
wearing time on her face like a veil,
she imagines the rugged strings
vibrating against her satin fingers
are the throats of songbirds,
cut from their beaks.
her tears and soft sobs write songs for the harp
he left near a window from which she
saw him smile to her for the last time.
Such a Peculiar PoemFeast upon the frozen dead, find yourself filling with dread.Such a Peculiar Poem3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Emotionless specularity, nothing more was ever said.
Elimination is key to the time, devour your face within your mind.
And from the forgetfulness comes a sliver of rhyme, damn the rest and seek the mime.
The mime who crossed the Gate of Lions, the mime who walked the Edge of Time.
The mime that danced to the rhythm of Gods, the mime that stepped between the lines.
Seek him out in the blank squares, he prepares vessels and broken hairs.
And when you see him say to his face, "Darling, your mind is space."
Shed a tear for the MarineShed a tear for the Marine3 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
Shed a tear for the Marine
for he is not allowed to cry
He's as tough as he can be
And they're never allowed to hide
Shed a tear for the Marine
for when the world is calling
They are the first ones to the field
To fight for those that have fallen
I shed a tear for my Marine
For he means the world to me
And I feel safer now at night
Knowing he's watching over me
Shed a tear for the Marine
For time doesn't fly by
Three long months in Paris Island
And he's a Marine until he dies
So Shed a tear for the Marine
For he is not allowed to cry
He is more than just a soldier
He is a friend to all mankind
Age 16 Page 1Every day of your life up until this pointAge 16 Page 12 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
Has been a prologue to the tale of you
Those mistakes that you have made in your childhood
They may be many or they may be few
But please don’t allow them to shape or to shift
The person that you were born to become
Keep in mind that the night is at its darkest
In the moments before we see the sun
I see pure potential run through your being
In your soul, deep beneath your callow skin
A unique story is waiting to be told
That the world will never see again
And though it begins with ‘once upon a time’
This is not a sugar spun fairytale
Each chapter and verse now lies in your hands
And is waiting for your dreams to prevail
Seek not perfection as mistakes will be made
It is repeating them that is a sin
Learn from others but don’t let their views smother
As hindsight in such a wonderful thing
Fear no one, fear nothing, never hestitate
Don’t let them measure your wisdom by age
Now you’ve gazed upon that cover long
Genuinely SmilingI test it out in the mirrorGenuinely Smiling2 years ago in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
The face I want them to see...
The gentle smile
Blesses me falsely
Even to my tear filled eyes,
But I won't let it fall
I try to make it shine more broadly
To be sure they know,
When they finally see me
Gaze into my unseeing eyes
And see the peaceful wonder
Left behind in my smile,
That I'm in someplace
Far better than here
Free of pain.
Someplace that I can genuinely
I want them to see.
The Mark of SinWhat if every time we committed sinThe Mark of Sin2 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
It was marked upon our skin?
And to be naked meant they knew our past
I bet we all would want to undress last
Adults would have such a hard time disciplining their kid
when just under their shirt the truth they hid
And how many preachers would have to sit down
because can a marked up man make honest sound?
All the prisoners would hold a grudge
when put away by a marked up judge
Or would we never be able to throw stones again?
because we found out we're all the same in the end.