Destroy MeHe was beautiful.
Scars and all.
She was beautiful.
Scars and all.
Their love was undefiable.
There was no way to explain it.
They held hands as they walked,
Arm to arm,
Neither tried to stop nor help the other.
How could they?
Hypocrite wouldn't be the word.
But they comforted each other and did what ever the other asked them to do.
If she was upset and ready to relapse.
He hand her a red pen and kiss her on her forehead.
If he was close to punching himself.
She'd kiss his hand and hand him a stress ball.
They both listened as they spilled there feelings.
As they sobbed.
They shared sleepless nights lying together.
It didn't matter how much they felt like they didn't have purpose.
They need to love the other so that they were loved.
They both tried to fight together.
Support each other with whatever happened.
They were both beautiful.
So beautiful broken,
That their shattered peices,
fallen together created something bigger than when they were whole.
Words.../////////////Warning/////////// TriggersWords...2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I have no words to say.
I haven't got the will to.
I haven't got the will to say the words.
I haven't got a clue what to do........
Starving myself to death is a long way...
But thoughts of death run down the drain with the blood from my cuts.
The pain has washed over my days for weeks. Months. Years.
It never goes.
I have no way to help myself.
Nor can I save those around me.
As I try to stop someone from touching the flame. I burn myself.
We both burn ourselves.
Should we just estinguish life?
Is that what we should be doing?
I don't understand as messed up as they are how can they not want me to to be so like this?
If they are saying and agreeing it how can they babble positive vile?
How can they tell me I’m going to be okay when they don’t want to be okay themselves?
I can’t do it.
I am in the same position as those around me. I reflect and worry what they are feeling.
I can’t tell them things will be b
Please Kindly Leave My Brain"LEAVE ME ALONE!"Please Kindly Leave My Brain2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
That's what I want to say.
I don't mean it.
I need you.
That's what I say.
I don't mean it.
I'm dying from the inside out.
Feel like shit... again...
"I'm just not hungry,"
Which is true. But with a deeper meaning...
I'll starve my body into death.
"I'm sure I'll live,"
Please don't say that.
What if your not sure?
You die. I die.
That's the situation.
How can I be happy, If I know you're not?
I need you're hugs too much...
Day 107School stress is not a good mixture with suicidal thoughts.Day 1072 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Today has be amazing but I've now in a load of shit.
I got a C. And a B. and I can't help but feel shit.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
Two people asked about my bruise on my leg.
So two lies I've said.
Maybe I should just give up?
I helped a friend today because she was stressed, and worried.
Locked herself in the toilets.
I had to help.
I couldn't not help.
Because the way I am and how unstable my shit is.
I could very well be in that locked toilet.
Could be tomorrow?Could be a month?
Only I'd either be there with a badge or a blade.
Or my fist or nail.
Or a plastic bag. And hoodie chord.
Nah. Not the plastic bag. Not the hoodie chord.
Because I couldn't' do that in school.
It would spread like wildfire.
But the rest could be true.
Anyway due to helping a friend.
Well I forgot to find out about my exam tomorrow.
Then last lesson waiting for shitty results.
I stayed with my friend for support.
But no I forgot to get my pen drive
LostDark Room.Lost2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I can't see.
But I try.
But I cry.
No I don't.
I don't want to admit it.
I can't and I'll regret it.
I'm all over the place.
But I'm heavy.
I'm full of emotion.
And I can't get it out.
And the ones that work I can't do.
I don't know what I need.
But I want you.
I am not a stereotypeSlide the blade across your wrist.I am not a stereotype2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
"Doesn't it hurt?"
I can't feel anything.
Punch your own stomach.
Does it hurt yet?
"Why do you do that?"
The pain makes me feel alive.
"I don't know."
"What's wrong with you?"
I'm dead inside.
I'm just depressed.
Stare at your arms.
"What are you doing?"
I just have low self esteem.
I'm just human.
I'm just me.
Nobody Told MeNobody told me,Nobody Told Me2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
How to act.
I wish I knew how much was too much,
or when too little was not enough.
If somebody told me,
that the small things meant the most,
and the big things were forgettable;
Where would I be today?
Nobody told me,
Who to love.
What came of the people I knew
and who were the people I would have known?
If somebody told me,
that I HAD the perfect person,
or that I am with the wrong one;
Would I be able to live with myself?
Nobody told me,
How to feel.
Is what I am feeling right or wrong,
and which should I act upon?
If somebody told me,
that I was being overly obsessive,
or that I shouldn't have let go:
Would I be the same person I am now?
Nobody told me...
...and I'm not sure if I'd want to know the answers.
My Week...I...My Week...2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I don't know where to start.
I've been feeling very alone.
I've been feeling physically ill.
Head rushes, stomach aches, headaches...
Maybe my body is finally giving up.
I've had such bad urges and wants to self harm.
And that constant feeling of wanting to die,
It never goes away.
I just get distracted...
I've been paranoid and anxious,
after being in the house for two days.
Scrubbing my hands and freaking out about complete strangers.
I haven't been sickened by my day or feelings.
I've been cold and in need of energy.
Food has comforted me in the final days of the week.
I haven't seen a single friend.
Nor had a good conversation.
The whole week has been a weird concoction of a black goo,
With flecks of fake 'old times' and sugar sponcered mania.
I've been trapped and drained.
I can't relax.
My wrists are chained with self control.
Only a lip and a scab to pick at.
I have no energy to pull away from these chains either.
Well, not eno
Do you ever feel like...Do you ever feel like...Do you ever feel like...2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
You have no energy to get up and walk to the other side of your room.
You wake up in the morning and would beg to go back to sleep.
You would storm out of a classroom screaming, crying and swearing- if stupid questions like "what's wrong? What happened?" (or being screamed at) weren't asked after.
You cry. You cry. And You cry.
People don't like me - That's what you think.
People don't care. Don't love. Don't want.
The second you find a problem you can't fix or control yourself.
Bitch. You are a bitch. Ugly bitch. Fat. Stupid. Mean. Heartless. Selfish.
SHUT UP! FUCK THE HELL OFF! - you can't control your thoughts.
The second you get annoyed at someone. "I HATE YOU!" But you don't.
You hate yourself.
You think about where you could be, would be, wouldn't be.
You think about death and wonder about death.
You think about cancer and all those illnesses out there.
You store everything about death- suicide- in your head like a cabinet file.
You can stare off into the
Goodbye...I don't think I love you anymore.Goodbye...2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I have loved you for a year and 10 months and you never noticed.
I hope it isn't just because I haven't seen you in ages.
I really hope so.
Because if it is.
As soon as I see your face all of that love will come rushing back.
But with love comes pain.
I must be over you.
Because I've fallen for a man created in my brain.
Who cheers me up.
Who holds me when I cry.
Who talks to me when I'm alone.
Who helps me when I've hurt myself.
Who loves me for me.
Who understands me.
And I know he doesn't exist so he can't be you.
I don't think I've let you go though.
Insane LoveDon't.Insane Love2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Hold my hand.
Let me cry in your arms.
Talk about love and the future.
Tease me to cheer me up.
Read over my shoulder the poem I'm writing.
Speak to me.
You'll learn to hate me...
You'll learn to ignore me...
All of those things.
Save me from myself.
I'd ask you to do it.
You're not real. You're caught in my mind.
A character. A fake identity of a person I want to want me.
Thats why don't.
Because reality breaks me when you leave.
My MonstersI can't breathe.My Monsters2 years ago in Concrete Poetry More Like This
It's too tight.
I hear so many things,
can't trust my sight.
The monsters surround.
No, they're not really here.
They reach out to grab me.
They smell my fear.
Have I finally lost my mind?
Am I totally insane?
Is this all in my head?
Is it just a sick game?
Or are they really there?
Do they smile as I scream?
Do they laugh at my tears?
Please, let this be a dream.
But it's not a dream.
I can't get out.
A hand surrounds my neck,
no air to shout.
Tears stream freely.
They start to close in.
I pray to god to help me,
to forgive all my sin.
The world starts to fade.
I can no longer see.
I smile in bliss.
I'm finally free.
Whisper GoodbyeSay "Hello."Whisper Goodbye2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
And whisper "Goodbye."
Hug me really tight.
Don't ask me why.
Talk aloud to me.
Share with me your smile.
Hold my hand in yours.
Just for a while.
Attack me with tickles.
And poke my nose.
Wrap me in your arms.
And hold me close.
I'll let you fall asleep.
I'll send a goodnight kiss,
To keep you safe and sound.
I'm broken and unfixed.
I know you will hate,
Having me around.
Sit with me in silence.
And play with my hair.
Text me when you're down.
I am always there.
Don't worry about me.
Don't dwell about if I'm gone.
Just give me some love.
And I'll try to hold on...
half-priced whoremaybe in fifty years,half-priced whore2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
she will stop feeling his finger-shaped bruises
on her hips and arms.
stop hearing his words—you think you can stop me, little girl?—
in every passing "are you okay?".
stop feeling the wind like a ghost of his acid breath
on the back of her neck
beautiful, beautiful, beautiful little girl.
maybe fifty thousand dove soap bars later
and too many scalding showers
and dusty baby blankets and days spent lying in bed,
looking up at the water stained ceiling,
will be enough to leave the man
on the corner of anderson street and rosa parks avenue
right where she never wanted to find him.
just ask her, she knows first hand
that worlds don't end in bangs but
she knows what it's like to die with a fist
over your mouth and fear in your nostrils.
pretend she is made out of ashes and paper thin words—mourn
the loss of her innocence, her freedom, her control.
cast her out into the ocean to dissolve among the waves,
find her a god dirty enough
You Think You're LuckyYou think you're lucky.You Think You're Lucky1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
So happy to have me.
But I don't understand,
What it is you see.
You're so smart,
And funny and sweet.
Compliments and smiles
Every time we meet.
Don't you see I'm crazy.
Parts I can't control.
You'll never have my heart,
At least not in full.
I've already hurt you.
It won't be the last.
If I were you I'd leave.
Run away fast.
Why aren't you leaving?
I just don't get
That look in your eye.
Why you feel this way,
I don't understand.
But I'll make sure to keep it
Anyway I can.
How?I was saying I felt depressed.How?2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I was using glass to stratch myself for a while.
I had suicidal thoughts.
I drew butterflies.
I felt alone and abandoned.
How did I not click that I had depression until August 2012...
How is it that... I told my friend, which is ment to being a good thing.
Lead on to cutting...
How did telling most of my friends...
Lead to a set date?
How did telling someone... seeking help...
change that set date by a month?
How did nearly 2 month of no cutting...
Just made me hate myself more?
The DreamThe smile makes me shiver.The Dream2 years ago in Concrete Poetry More Like This
Cold runs down my spine.
I know what he wants,
wants to take what's mine.
But I won't let him.
No, now this is my story.
I will be the victor.
He can't have the glory.
He lurches forward,
but I knew he would.
I remember everything now.
I do what I should.
I jump to the side,
run for the door.
I smile at the "thump"
as he hits the floor.
I've nearly reached the handle,
suddenly I feel his hand.
No, I have to keep trying,
but I don't understand.
Why am I fighting?
He would never hurt me.
I let go of the handle,
turn around easily.
He smiles once more,
something tells me to run,
but why would I leave him?
We always have fun.
I wave away the voice,
follow him into the room,
closer to the memory,
closer to my doom.
Hell Doesn't Even KnowI want to cry so much...Hell Doesn't Even Know2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Maybe I'm happy,
Maybe I'm sad.
I feel so alone,
Yet I've been with people all day.
I feel so unloved,
Yet I know I have people who love me.
I can't talk about these feelings.
I can't open up when the door is locked.
And the key is lost.
I want to inspire,
But I just recieve empathy.
I want to die,
But I keep on breathing.
I feel so confused, lost and all alone.
The feelings inside me are too strong for my body.
I don't want someone to understand.
I want someone to give me the answers to why I am like this.
And a solution to fix the massacre inside me...
My SongThe music swirls all around,My Song2 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
till all I hear is the joyous sound,
twirling, spinning, moving me,
and the endless notes are all I see.
The beat becomes my hearts own.
I feel as though the light has shown,
and all the sadness fades away,
and I finally see a happier day.
My lips part, and I sing along
To such a redeeming, beautiful song.
These moments come and go too fast.
I enjoy them greatly as they last.
I laugh in glee.
I feel so free.
What magic is this,
this utter bliss?
Stay with me, my pretty song,
with you the days don't seem so long.
With you I am so filled with hope,
I know with you, somehow I'll cope.
Together we'll stay.
You'll scare the darkness away,
Yes, stay here my friend,
play your notes till my end,
and with your melody in my ears,
I'll go without any silly fears.
I'll meet my maker with you at my side,
then he'll hold me close, no need to hide.
Yes, my song, you'll get me there,
with your notes, and tune, so full of care.
You'll be my very dearest friend,
until my bea
I WantI want to be able to scream,I Want2 years ago in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
I want to be able to talk,
But whenever I voice my opinions,
They’re left so deep in the dark.
I want to be able to cry,
I want to be able to smile,
But I only can in desperation,
So I’ll fake my emotions for a while.
I want to be able to stand,
I want to be able to laugh,
But whenever I manage to catch it,
It fades away from my grasp.
I want to be able to tell you,
But it’s harder than I first might have thought,
Because from my past experience,
I only became more distraught.
I want it to stop being complicated,
So for once, I can sit down and explain,
But for now I’ll just have to stick,
With hiding my tears in the rain.
I want to be able to scream,
I want to be able to talk,
But I can never find the right words to say,
So I’ll continue my long, lonely walk.
Love AgainI wonder if I'll love again.Love Again1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
I was so in love with you.
Love doesn't come easy.
It's not something I do.
I never loved my mom.
I never loved my dad.
There was never any love,
In any relationship I had.
I'm not alone in this.
There are other's like me.
I met a man who didn't love,
His wife or girl of three.
And so I'll find a man,
Who makes me smile.
I may be looking,
For a little while.
Happiness doesn't mean love.
My heart won't be his.
I don't just fall in love.
That's just the way it is.
The Layers of SkinShe laughs out loud.The Layers of Skin2 years ago in Concrete Poetry More Like This
Talking to herself.
She doesn't care though.
This girl is surrounded with her friends.
Happy with her life.
She can't cope with the stress.
Stress of work.
Stress of life.
Then the feeling that all of these other feelings simmer to eventually.
She wants to scream.
She wants to shout.
She wants to let it all out.
But her anger she must bury.
Otherwise a rampage of spilling out swear words and other vile.
Out of control, reckless and stupid.
Not thinking of consequences.
So look emotionless.
Or 'in a mood' as they call it.
She hates her anger.
She hates her thoughts and feelings.
She hates her looks.
She hates herself.
That's what guilt whispers in her ears.
She tries not to infront of people.
She sobs herself to sleep.
She can't help.
She has no hope.
Confusion eats away at her brain.
Between You and Me.I never believed you,Between You and Me.2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I only wanted to.
Lying back to back
I was counting your breaths
to make sure your lack of
didn't leave you
Like a ghost
the fading memories of your touch
what I was trying to forget.
Oh, why did I give it up to you?
I know it's my fault.
My expectations were greater than
what you were willing to offer,
and I got scared.
I tried shutting you out,
to gather myself together
behind a shield of apathy,
but only ended up in
Your kiss never tasted as
as the last time
I made love to you...
i miss you...I sit here in this rain,i miss you...2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Thinking of you.
But no matter how long I wait on this bench,
You will never meet me here.
I’ve got on my best dress, my cane,
Even that old bowler hat you always liked,
And I wait at the bench where we first met.
But you will never meet me here again.
I lean on my cane in front of me,
Thinking of you,
I KnowI know what you really think of meI Know2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I know you want me gone
I know whenever my mouth opens you cringe
I know you think I’m stupid
I know you wish I would die
I know people hate me
I know I’m really stupid
I know I don’t get you
I know you don’t get me
I know you wish we really never met
And I’m sorry...