Self Harm, my storySelf harm...Self Harm, my story5 years ago in Emotional More Like This
Oh is so beautiful, wonderful even. You feel the bade or the flame, or whatever and you just sigh in relief. Oh how fucking awesome is this? To become addicted to seeing your own blood. To come to need the pain to feel alright. You become like a chain smoker that needs his nicotine and without it, he's just a jumpy mess.
But that is everyone else. I'm a cutter myself and the blade is so nice.
The first cut is always the shallowest and over time, you go deeper and deeper; seeing how far you can go. Then you just dig and dig, needing to see how much blood can flow.
But you can't forget the scars, that begin to appear. Over time it becomes a collection. At first you hide the scars; long sleeves for me. Then for some reason you tell someone, then some more people until you have a small group that knows. Why you tell? I don't know...
Then you start getting help. Why? I don't know.
But the scars are still there.
And eventually you start getting better.
But the scars are s
Raining SparksPlay the song,Raining Sparks3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Call to arms,
Everything is burning,
Don't you go,
Stay right here,
Never saw it coming,
In the end,
We'll all smile,
Never saw it changing,
It all will fall in place,
Just to find,
It never really stopped raining.
Maps Not Meant For FollowingI bet you missed me when I went away. "You’ll come back," you thought. When I didn’t you bit your lip, but you were sure I would make it with time. After the second day, and the day after that, the doubts started to creep in. You caught yourself sucking in a painful breath whenever you saw something of mine lying around. Bits of my life left with you would slither into your sight when you least expected it the same way the memories would swamp you if given the slightest chance.Maps Not Meant For Following2 years ago in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
When days turned into a week, you entered into a hush drunk state: eyes bleary and sore from holding back any semblance of emotion. You were quiet, but not calm. Your hands became tumultuous storms when you'd glance over at our picture, fingers becoming tidal waves as you would toss it onto the bed. You were tired, but not nearly tired enough to forget.
On its own, you would find your body shaking at the brush of your own fingers across your skin, a reminder of where I touched you last. And the
Mistaken MasterpieceShe stared at her masterpiece, her grey eyes filled with bemusement.Mistaken Masterpiece6 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
She had spent her entire life on this labour of love, this sprawling expanse of another world that mapped love and hatred, sorrow and joy, good and evil, and all the shades of grey in between those polar opposites.
She had spent hours, days, weeks, months hunched over her lined A4 notebook. Never a computer. She had skipped meals and social occasions, conversations and friendships.
When she had placed the last word of the first draft of her novel, she had been twenty, and was already thinking of ways in which she could improve it. She stayed locked in her minuscule study, still working on her piece with the same adoration and wonderment as she had felt burning in her soul all those years back, when, with a shaking hands and a blue crayon, she had scribbled down the first sentence of the project that would come to dominate and dictate the course of her life after it.
She grew older, dropping out of her education to con
Lover's ThoughtYou asked me at one point if I thought that you loved himLover's Thought5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I think you did...for a while anyway.
While everything was still made of smiles
and happiness, when fights weren't part
of every nighttime conversation.
You loved him before distance separated
the two of you, in which you weren't going
to be able to see him everyday, to prevent
him from turning his back on you and chasing
the nearest skirt.
But, most of all, I think you loved him,
because you were afraid of loving me.
I represented total happiness, away from
the pain and heartache of previous relationships.
And when I stepped back into the picture;
underneath the fireworks on that cold night,
In the end, you loved him,
because you were too afraid
to fall for me then.
Streamed ConsciousnessI can't find the words anymore,Streamed Consciousness6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
They seem to evade my grasp.
My voice cracks and dies,
My hand fails to write what I want,
And I cry.
The pen feels so heavy,
the ink too thick.
Thoughts swirl about my mind,
nipping and scratching
but never entering.
The words catch inside
As they fight to flow out,
But never in order,
The pen smudges paper but not with creations.
Cluttered, chaotic images are hard to capture,
just beyond consciousness.
The world is a blurred mosaic;
seeing but not quite comprehending,
I fight to keep my thoughts from fleeing.
Can I find the words to convey how I feel?
Could my thoughts come together long enough
to form sentences of consciousness?
For if my hand cannot lift to write the images in my mind,
I fear I might just lose myself all in all.
ThankfulThankful6 years ago in Songs & Lyrics More Like This
You treat me like I'm a person
Like I have true feelings
And that means a lot to me
You treat me like I do exist
Like I still live on planet earth.
You have helped me gain meaning
When I couldn't save me from myself
You rescued me when no one else would
And then when I began to doubt myself
You were there saying I could
Baby, for you I'm thankful
Ever since you came into my life
I have changed for the better
Baby, for you I'm thankful
Now that you're here in my life
I can defeat any bad weather
Walkwith black heartWalk6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
(save the running start
for the olympics)
i forgot every lesson
that she had taught
with every single step
the ground got more soft
and the stepping, itself
became so hard
close to my star
my life in
"just stop fucking crying!"
i screamed in her ear...
than i reached for my face,
and wiped away my own tears///
PharmaceuticalsDrowned, so pitifulPharmaceuticals6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
In a sea of pharmaceuticals
And take away a breath
- Will Schenck
Do you know?His hand found hers from the other end of the sofa, teasing her fingers until it finally settled on top of her small hand. For a while, there were no words. Even the greatest of poets and the most flexible writers of prose can't say everything with their art. Sometimes it's a touch that means the world, the contact of a hug or the comforting presence of a heartbeat. He used to listen to hers, back when he thought he deserved it.Do you know?5 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
"Because it's yours, and it's there."
Her breathing became labored, indicating that she was forcing back the tears which she knew would accomplish nothing. It wasn't logical, anyway, to be sad. Everyone must part ways. Even the deepest emotions are nothing more than a farce, that's what she always told herself during those nights when her only comfort was found in tracing the lines of the ceiling tiles until she ended up back at where she had begun, anything better than watching the clock tell her time was moving without her. If the great thinkers of our
My Play On Words My Play On WordsMy Play On Words5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
If you've never lived,
Then you've probably died,
If you've ever laughed,
You've probably cried,
And if you've smiled,
You've most likely frowned,
If you've ever been lost,
Then maybe you've been found.
If you've started the beginning,
I guarantee you'll meet your end,
If you gain an enemy,
I can almost promise you'll lose a friend,
If you've ever had a heart,
Maybe it's been broken,
If you were given a mouth,
Then maybe you've spoken.
But results may vary.
You'll dread tomorrow,
If you hated today,
You'll know you got the last word,
If there's nothing left to say,
You'll say you remember,
Even if you forgot,
You'll go in pretending things are better,
Even if it's obvious they're not.
But then again, what do I know?
I Am WorthyHe had needed to hear me breaking, to hear the absolute sadness besieging my voice. But you were there for me, dearest, not him. You were there with trembling tears and unsteady hands. When hisI Am Worthy9 months ago in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
lovehate became too much for my twisted fingers to hold you cupped your hands over mine, trying to salvage the flecks of who I was. Who I could be.
Brushing away the parts of him that I thought held me together, you helped me start anew. You let your words of love drip into my bones and percolate beneath my skin. Citing the fact that saying a mantra is the first step to believing in it. Oh did you make me repeat it, some nights I swear I could see the stars twinkle into the shape of the words:
"You are worthy."
I must admit, it took me what seemed like eons to realize that worth comes from more than the people you fall in love with. That you can not base your worth off of how you look, how you walk, or talk when you're with them. You said that I do not need their validation to
A Purgingi've been living, so long, at the pace of my breathA Purging6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
at the pace of the beating
in my ribcage (slash) chest
but as each inhale,
slowly lowers in depth
my stomach rumbles at me,
i say, "save your breath,"
i'll pass on dinner
im facing off, with death
like a gentleman
living faster than the pace
of my breath
my breath: thin
just to let you know...
you let me in,
but i'm leavin'
don't reek of vomit
i'll come back
Dandelion DaughterShe is my dandelion girl,Dandelion Daughter2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
a graceful, yellow weed
with puffs for hair.
She tells me she isn't
trying to be beautiful.
Her moonstone fingers
are braiding hopes and love
into the strands of her
hair as she idly chatters
of how the sun seems to
shine a little yellower
with you there.
She becomes something
exceptional, a garden
filled with starlight and
teacups. She will remind you
the sun is also a star and
that we often overlook
those closest to us.
Split MusesMy mind and heart are welded one,Split Muses5 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
Though science tells me otherwise.
A chart, showing the locations of organs
Can prove this concept, fool my eyes.
Though deep in thought, I find the pathway
That convinces me, makes or breaks the day.
Brain and logic tell me what is right,
but heart and conscience moves me to do so.
What is good is oftentimes not what is true,
So the head is the guide, perhaps.
Other times the heart leads me to do
what is right, despite the hardship.
Half human, half light?
Half right half wrong.
Half blatant, half covered?
Half poem, half song.
Another day, another ruse
The times are off, and we abuse-
Free will, and break the promise kept...
Maybe we are just inept?
We are like water, in forms ever-changing,
Destructive, then creative attitudes.
Here the anger exists, ever-ranging,
and seldom changing with altitudes.
If that then makes us emotional creatures,
With possibility of knowing wisdom...
How can we stand with divided features?
backyard astronomerWhen I saw the neighbor's namebackyard astronomer6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
in the obituary,
I thought of his telescope
looking out into the universe
on the balcony with a pen
and the almanac open
to the astronomy section.
I thought of how he did not wake up early
to watch the morning rise red,
but to see that the sun and the moon
know how to share a sky.
I thought of the apples he ate for breakfast,
how each core became that of a new sun
in his interpretation of the solar system.
("There is at least a nibble
in every celestial body out there
and the teeth marks show,
but they still exist
and they still go on").
I thought of how he always said
he was never too interested in gardening,
but that the flowers that reminded of stars were nice
because he could plant his own constellations.
so now, Orion sprawls across his lawn
with a belt of bluebells
and an azalea weapon,
the little dipper is a smoldering chain
and the weeds are the unknown spaces
He was the third person
down the line in the obituary
RevileKillRevile6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
The lights are too damn bright
Your mouth is too damn wide
Your arms, you're so damn warm
Your life is so damn short
Forever LingerI fell too hard, too fastForever Linger6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
and this will never last
You're only a man I just met
and I'm just the first girl
who would give you any love.
And I know it's only a matter of time
before I'm torn apart again,
so let us not pretend
that forever really exists.
My head won't stop spinning
and what did I miss this time?
Somehow life turned upside-down
and I didn't have time to turn with it.
Here I am permeated by your smell as
I wrap myself in your battered hoodie,
and biting chapped and bleeding lips
to taste long-gone kisses.
And I know it won't take very long
before you tear me down again,
so let us not pretend
that forever really exists.
So here I am feeling pathetic
and lousy and miserable,
because I know I loved you way too soon,
way too quickly and way too much.
Next time I promise I'll think before I fall
even though I know it would all
be just the same.
I know I won't take long
to fall to pieces again,
but please let me take a chance to pretend
that with you, forever could exis
NightmareNightmare6 years ago in Haiku & Eastern More Like This
Living without you
My love was my worst nightmare.
It's too scary to picture
And now it's what I
See everyday and night.
And I wish it would go away
confessions of a caterpillarsometimesconfessions of a caterpillar6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
i worry that there is not enough space inside my skin
for all that i am now to coexist with all that i hope to be.
i fear my fingers and toes are not my own,
that my prints have been stolen by Reputation and Expectations.
i apologize to God that my prayers have become
overrun with buts and whys and cries for divine understanding.
i wonder if i am destined to become Sisyphus daughter
rolling boulders that only ever create avalanches.
i think to myself that Forever really isnt all that long.
(and sometimes, i even hope that its not.)
i weave a tangled web of hate and longing so tightly around myself
that it becomes my cocoon.
i see the beginnings
of kaleidoscopic wings.
Oceanic Love Does Not Mean ForeverI do not want you to tell meOceanic Love Does Not Mean Forever2 years ago in Visual & Found Poetry More Like This
of crooked smiles and offshore
moonbeams woven with nightingale
words. You are living in
after memories. You have forgotten
I will live in a way that's unorthodox.
I only want for you
to be lonely and small,
but it's for your own good, you know.
Breathe it in, hold it in, hold yourself
between each of your heartbeats.
Change because some things are
like estranged runaways caught between
the tilt of the earth.
I was the ocean in you
and you didn't understand.
Before I Even Met You.He built me a house out of willow bones. I didn't know how to thank him, so instead of smiling I said "We speak with different hopes." I pretended like his laugh could make me smile, make me forget the ridges in his palms were like severed river beds.Before I Even Met You.4 years ago in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
"Of course we do."
"You're never serious."
"Only about you."
"You joke too much"
His embrace was erratically cold. Irony didn't begin to describe it. I guess you loose warmth with age. Or maybe it's with lies. I may never know.
Winter curled up inside his eyes as we stood with our toes pressing against the first steps of the run-down church.
"We don't have to go inside."
"I could describe it to you."
"Grand tour, remember?"
A hollow wind began grappling at his lips while we climbed the short flight of stairs. He spoke but I couldn't make out the words, I was feeling dreadful for even thinking of returning here, again.
"Stop feeling bad. I like coming back here."