A Beginners Guide On How To Be Majestic- Or how to become the dwarf you´ve always wanted to be. -A Beginners Guide On How To Be Majestic2 years ago in Humor More Like This
1. Be gruff.
2. Be proud of your size. Never wear high heels unless you need to peak over a wall out of strategic (or voyeuristic) reasons.
3. Eat. A lot. Never refuse an invitation to dinner.
4. Spill as much of your ale as possible while drinking.
5. Avoid silly songs.
6. Look into the distance, if convenient. If inconvenient look anyways.
7. Unless it would kill you. Obviously.
8. Wear dead animals´ skins and furs. Eat the rest. A dwarf does not join PETA. Nor does he become vegetarian. Or even vegan (for he´s not an elf).
9. Avoid elves. They´re sparkly and hug trees. And ride moose.
10. Imitate your pony´s latest hairstyle.
11. If you have the chance to let your hair flow in the wind, do so.
12. Never cut your beard unless you´re in mourning.
13. When you´re in battle, keep your weapons in the best possible shape.
14. Beards extensions are a big no-go. A proudly worn growing beard is more honourable than a cowardly di
20 Rules of Thorin and Company 20 Rules of Thorin and Company20 Rules of Thorin and Company2 years ago in Humor More Like This
1. Despite having a name Bilbo Baggins shall always be referred to as ‘the Hobbit’ or ‘Burglar’.
2. Thorin’s speeches are majestic and must be adhered to at any point in time.
3. Balin must always be the one to tell stories of the past.
4. When the Hobbit states that you have parasites it is wise to always play along.
5. Kili and Fili are never to be separated. Ever.
6. Trolls cannot be reasoned with. They are half-wits.
7. Kili and Fili are not to watch the ponies. Ever.
8. Elves are not appropriate company. The only time an elf may appear in dwarvish speak is in the context of an insult. For example, tree shagger is most appropriate.
9. Bofur is the ultimate good guy, no matter what people might say about dwarves.
10. Do not take Bofur’s hat. Under any circumstances. Ever.
11. Do not take Thorin's sword. Under any circumstances. Ever. Unless you like being cut in half.
12. Troll hoards stink. End of story. De
Fili-Kili: Calm After the StormThe brothers were close. Anyone with half an eye could see that, and among the Company of Thorin Oakenshield, it was taken as a given fact. Fili and Kili had been inseparable for as long as anyone had known them, and even Thorin, who had practically raised his nephews, freely admitted that he had rarely seen them apart. The pair did everything together; along the road, from sparring to standing watch, Fili and Kili faced every moment by each other's sides.Fili-Kili: Calm After the Storm2 years ago in Romance More Like This
Kili had, of course, known his brother since the moment he was born. Fili's was the first face he had seen when he opened his eyes, and since he had first learned to walk and talk, Kili had followed Fili wherever he went. For his part, Fili could barely remember a time when he had not had his brother attached to his side as a second shadow. Though he had been the leader of the pair in their early years, the balance of power had shifted out when Kili learned to fight and fend for himself. Since their tweens, the young dwarves had thou
GoldGold.Gold2 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
A 'Hobbit' oneshot with Thorin/Fili/Kili, rated R for depressive situation and all characters death (The Battle of Five Armies)
Battlefield tastes of gold, steel and blood. Everything goes crimson and ruby and too fast to react.
The brightest, goldest shine is where your hands rest on Fili's and Kili's chests in uncle's last blessing.
You've found twice and lost twice, and the most important thing now isn't even Erebor, though it is still deadly important.
The thing is the heartbeat. Slow, decreasing heartbeats your beloved nephews still have.
And you rise up – again and again, even if gold tastes of blood, and blood tastes of last kisses.
Bagginshield: Moments Captured in Travel (Ch. I)The first time Thorin saw the Hobbit, he knew he would be a liability. As much as the Dwarf trusted Gandalf, there was an innocence in the little creature's eyes that could not be ignored. It only took a glance for him to know that this Bilbo Baggins was no burglar. Most likely, the Hobbit had never lifted a weapon in his life; he was ill suited to the rough conditions that this quest would no doubt yield. As such, Thorin wasted no effort hiding his contempt at Gandalf's choice. There was no possible way this small, comfortable being could take his place as a member of the Dwarven Company. He was no warrior; it was obvious that he would be nothing but a burden. And to think that the Wizard would risk the life of such an innocent creature in a battle that was not his to fight— the Dwarf King was nothing short of disgusted.Bagginshield: Moments Captured in Travel (Ch. I)2 years ago in Romance More Like This
Thorin's mistrust and fury at the situation lasted through the first leg of their journey. By the time his company fell prey to the Great Goblin, his frustration a
Bagginshield: Moments Captured in Travel (Ch. V)For Bilbo, the next few days passed in a happy blur. Though the forest was dark and nearly overwhelming, the joy of his newfound love kept the little Hobbit in a cheery mood. The Company looked on in amusement and fondness, as their leader and burglar quietly grew bolder, soon showing their affection for each other openly. They walked together each day, slept in each other's arms at night. It was common to see them sitting quietly together by the campfire, Bilbo resting his head on Thorin's chest or carefully braiding his hair and beard. The other Dwarves were most supportive of their companions' courtship, and were happy to give their blessing. In all, though food was scarce and the road hard, the couple could not be happier.Bagginshield: Moments Captured in Travel (Ch. V)2 years ago in Romance More Like This
After the adventure of Mirkwood, safe in the halls of Lake-Town, Thorin and Bilbo enjoyed their first private moment since their capture at Thranduil's hands. The Hobbit had slipped into the lavish room that the Men of Lake-Town had given the Dwarf King, and was
Bagginshield: Moments Captured in Travel (Ch. II)The Dwarves quickly noticed that Bilbo was becoming their leader's favorite member of the Company. Thorin would walk with him as they trekked through the forest, helping his shorter companion over roots and rocks, catching him by the elbow when he stumbled. At night, the Dwarf Lord would be sure to save the Hobbit a spot by the fire, and assemble his bedroll in close proximity to the other's. In fact, since their run-in with the Pale Orc, Thorin was rarely seen apart from his burglar.Bagginshield: Moments Captured in Travel (Ch. II)2 years ago in Romance More Like This
And of course, there was the incident that a few of the Company had witnessed the morning they left the Great Shelf; as they packed their supplies and made ready to move out, Bilbo was seen passing Thorin a bundle that was quickly recognizable as the Dwarf's own fur cloak. The little Hobbit was smiling and blushing, and the Dwarf King was careful not to make eye contact as he swung the garment over his shoulders and handed the burglar a pack of provisions. This exchange, along with their leader's actions
Bagginshield: Moments Captured in Travel (Ch. IV)As their journey through the dark forest stretched on, the entirety of Thorin's company noticed a certain closeness developing between their leader and one Bilbo Baggins. Indeed, several had already taken wagers on when the Thorin's affection for the burglar would blossom into open courtship. As such, it was no surprise when, in a moment of distress, the Dwarf King's feelings finally showed through his actions.Bagginshield: Moments Captured in Travel (Ch. IV)2 years ago in Romance More Like This
The Wargs had attacked in the night, charging from the depths of Mirkwood and surrounding the camp in minutes. They were feral beasts, trained by Orc masters long ago to despise Dwarfs and Men, but acting under no order. They fought brutally, driven by hunger and the fear of the unknown. The little band of warriors was soon pressed together, back to back in the center of their destroyed encampment, two dozen of the lean creatures circling them with teeth bared.
The battle was swift and bloody. Wargs charged at the cluster of Dwarves alone or in pairs, and were driven back each t
Bagginshield: Moments Captured in Travel (Ch. III)Life on the road was always hard. The Dwarves of Thorin's Company had reconciled themselves to this fact over years of travel; even Gandalf has done a great deal of wandering in his day, and was accustomed to the frugal lifestyle that the wilderness demanded. However, the fourteenth member of the band was entirely unused to going without the small comfort. For Bilbo Baggins, the greatest challenge of this adventure was not the Orcs or the Wargs; it was not the landslides and storms and giant men of stone, each seemingly set on wreaking havoc on the group of travelers. No, for Bilbo, the true struggle was the travel itself. The domestic little Hobbit, used to living a simple and sedentary life, was having a difficult time adjusting to the rough and tumble of the Dwarf's wayfaring ways. Never before had he gone so long without the simple comfort of a cup of tea and a good book. He was appalled when informed that heated baths were a commodity he would have to forgo. If you had told BilboBagginshield: Moments Captured in Travel (Ch. III)2 years ago in Romance More Like This
An Unexpected Jour- Dwarf?! CH 1: The Final GuestSummary: As the 14th dwarf of the group, you had a lot to prove and a lot to swallow. Will you prevail in gaining Thorin & Co's trust? Or will the past get the upper hand and doom you all?An Unexpected Jour- Dwarf?! CH 1: The Final Guest2 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
This story contains The Hobbit movie-verse, book-verse and has my own twist here and there.
An Unexpected Jour- Dwarf?!
Fandom: The Hobbit from J.R.R. Tolkien and film by Peter Jackson.
Rating: 17+/Mature (in general)
Main Characters: Reader, Thorin, Bilbo and many more.
Warnings: SPOILERS(!), possible mature situations, swearing here and there and implied traumatic and gory scenery.
Author's notes:WARNING: This ficlet contains spoilers for the movie; The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, and the book. If you haven't seen or read it yet, prepare to be spoiled.
Also: This ficlet contains different types of perception. Not only is it written in you-tense, but also in third person. Each and every 'switch' of perception (or a sudden change of scenery) is i
Walking on StarlightI turn the stone over in my hands, hard and chill, but not as cold as my seat carved out of the crevice wall. Too long it has been since I felt at home. Shoveled in this cell like a bucket of coal, door locked on me as if I were a beast too disgusting to roam free. I am alone.Walking on Starlight1 year ago in General Fiction More Like This
I trace the grooves in my stone then toss it back and forth out of boredom. This journey is beginning to aggravate me. It seems whenever our goal is almost in reach, just past arm’s length, a snag of brambles catches us by the ankles and we are dragged backward again. Like some kind of twisted game the fates are playing with us as their pawns.
But then there is her.
Oh, she were the light that shines through the leaves in summer. Her hair is the rich copper forged in the most fiery of foundries. She fights with ferocity and skill, then can turn about and beam with flowing calm and beauty. I have seen nothing like her.
Could she love someone like me?
The Watchman THE WATCHMANThe Watchman2 years ago in Romance More Like This
It was well known that Thorin Oakenshield was a hard head, stubborn to his very core and had a determination so fierce that he had chosen to take back Erebor with only thirteen dwarves and a Hobbit. It was his stubbornness that had ultimately caused his demise on the battlefield, something he would never back down from. He had defended his decision voraciously since arriving in the Haven. He had refused to go forth without his entire company and so he had sat in the Haven for nigh on seventy years, watching as each member of his company went through life without him. Kili and Fili, bless their hearts had crossed through to the Haven mere moments after he had and after much discussion – a word Thorin used lightly here for discussion between his two nephew could only be translated through fists – had elected to wait with him. Dwarves are uncannily loyal to those whom they love if they so choose to be.
So it was that Thorin had picked his place to watch the goings on
Thorin Oakenshield fanfic pt. 3 MAY BE SPOILERS"I do believe Master Baggins won't be joining us." Said Bofur.Thorin Oakenshield fanfic pt. 3 MAY BE SPOILERS2 years ago in Profiles More Like This
We were all getting our ponies saddled for our journey.
Thorin only grumbled as he mounted his pony.
I walked over to Gandalf. "Do you think he will come?"
"I have faith in your cousin, though he has none in himself. He will come." He smiled.
"Would you like to make things interesting? Put some money on your hobbit?" Dwalin smirked.
I rolled my eyes while many of the dwarves took wages on whether or not Bilbo would show up.
Honestly, I didn't know what to think.
I got my pony and followed the others down the trail. Gandalf was in the lead.
We had only just gotten out of the Shire when I heard something in the distance.
"What's that?" Kili said from the back of the line.
"I signed it!" Bilbo came into view.
I smiled. I was glad that he was coming.
"I signed it." Bilbo panted as he handed the contract to Balin.
The old dwarf took the contract, and gave Bilbo a look that seemed to say "Are you sure about this?"
Thorin Oakenshield fanfiction pt 6 MAY BE SPOILERSThorin Oakenshield fanfiction pt 6 MAY BE SPOILERS2 years ago in Profiles More Like This
The next day, we left the cave as we found it and continued our journey.
I'd have liked to have rested a bit longer, definitely to train more, but Thorin insisted that we move on.
I rode next to Bilbo.
"I can't believe you can handle a sword as well as you did." he smiled, still proud.
I shrugged. "I can't either, to be honest. I'm not sure what came over me. All of a sudden, for a split second, I felt stronger. Like I could take on anything."
I heard a laugh, and looked behind me, only to see Bofur smiling wide as he laughed.
"I can almost promise you that Thorin wasn't putting his all into it. I'm sure he didn't want to hurt a lass like you."
I rolled my eyes, and looked forward. Was he right? Suddenly, I didn't feel strong anymore.
Then, I began to feel like I needed to prove myself to him.
I yelled at Fili, who was near the front of the line, to ride next to me.
I explained my plan to keep training, and as I got better, fight the next toughest dwarf. Then, when I fought Th
Thorin Oakenshield fanfic pt. 5 MAY BE SPOILERSThe next day, we were on the move again.Thorin Oakenshield fanfic pt. 5 MAY BE SPOILERS2 years ago in Profiles More Like This
Thorin seemed to be in more of a bad mood than usual.
I wondered if it was because of Kili and I last night..
"Of course not." I thought to myself. Why would he be jealous..
We continued riding our ponies over green hills that were beautiful. I never would have thought I would be here. Not in a lifetime.
Fili rode up next to me.
"So, Scarlet, do you have any training in fighting?"
I shook my head. "We never had to in the Shire."
He put his hand on his chin. "Well, I think it may be time for you to learn."
"I don't have anything to train with.."
He reached in a sheath attached to his saddle and pulled out a thin sword. Thin or not, it looked like it could really do some damage.
He untied the sheath and handed it to me.
He began looking at the sword.
"I trained with this sword before the journey. It's quite light, so it should e perfect for you. Next time we stop for a rest, I'll show you how to use it." He put it in its sheath and tie it to my sa
Thorin Oakenshield fanfic MAY BE SPOILERSThorin Oakenshield fanfic MAY BE SPOILERS2 years ago in Profiles More Like This
I haven't seen my distant cousin Bilbo Baggins in quite some time, so I figured it was time for a visit.
We had always been close, ever since we were young hobbits running through the forest in search of elves.
I had always wanted to find the elves and inquire of my father.
I am not fully a hobbit. My mother was quite an adventurous young woman at one point, and had run into an elf man at Elverground. And that's where I had come in. She came back to The Shire and had me.
From afar, I may look like any other hobbit, but up close, the differences are clear. I am not as big-boned as my relatives. My hair is a very light blond, as my fathers clearly was. I am quite slim for a hobbit, but that does not mean I am in any way less strong.
My crystal blue eyes and hair have always been my trade mark.
I was leaving Buckland that morning, and was to reach Bilbo's by dinner. I had other family to see as well; For which I was happy; Bilbo always had a lot of food.
I walked out my do
Thorin Oakenshield fanfic pt. 2 MAY BE SPOILERS"You know, you are not like any of the hobbits I have seen." He still had a hold of my hand.Thorin Oakenshield fanfic pt. 2 MAY BE SPOILERS2 years ago in Profiles More Like This
I proceeded to tell Thorin about myself.
"My mother met an elf, they fell in love, but he had to leave. For war, I believe." I shrugged.
Not knowing my father, made me not worry about him much.
"I see," he nodded and looked me over.
"I would love to go on an adventure.." I sighed.
He pulled back, startled. He knew exactly where I was going with that.
"You.. A woman? Want to go with us? That is absurd!"
I stood defiantly. "And why is that?! I can fight just as well a the next hobbit! I am not afraid of the outside world as Bilbo clearly is."
"I think that is a great idea." Gandalf said from behind us.
I turned to look at him, a wide smile on my face.
"You cannot be serious Gandalf. A hobbit is one thing, but a female hobbit?"
"Scarlet is only half hobbit you know. The other half is an elf. A warrior. I say we give her a chance." He winked at me.
"Oh thank you Gandalf! You will not be sorry! I
Thorin Oakenshield fanfic pt. 4 MAY BE SPOILERSThorin Oakenshield fanfic pt. 4 MAY BE SPOILERS2 years ago in Profiles More Like This
I couldn't sleep that night. I kept envisioning the pale Orc.
Everyone else was fast asleep, and I decided to take a walk around camp to clear my head.
I tiptoed over dwarf arms and legs and tried not to wake anyone.
I walked past Thorin's sleeping form. For once, he looked so peaceful. Not in pain, not worried about anything. Calm.
I smiled and continued to walk.
I walked through some trees and came upon a clearing.
It was breathtaking. The moonlight came through the trees just enough to give it a blue tint. Fireflies danced along the tall grass.
I wanted to enjoy this beauty without disturbing it, so I found a rock just outside the light and sat down.
I had been sitting there for a few minutes when I heard twigs breaking behind me. I quickly reached down and picked up a rock, turned around and aimed in one quick movement.
A hand caught my wrist and stopped me from throwing my only defense.
"Easy there hobbit,"
I recognized the playful voice of Kili.
He pushed me by my arm a lit
A Not So Secret Family MomentA shuffling noise from the bushes on the other side of the fire quickly brought Bilbo to consciousness. He made to grab his sword as he looked up but he was rooted to the spot by a rather odd sight. A sight that made him rub his eyes free of the image.A Not So Secret Family Moment2 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
Nope, still there.
Thorin was sitting on a fallen log with Fili sitting cross-legged facing away from him, which of course wasn't the odd thing. The odd thing was that Thorin was, of all things, braiding Fili's hair.
Now all dwarfs braid their hair, so that wasn't shocking at all for Bilbo. It was that Thorin, himself, was doing the braiding. Which caused Bilbo to rub his eyes yet again.
Again, still there.
Bilbo couldn't help but watch, swallowing hard, as Thorin slowly threaded his fingers through the dark gold locks, stopping every now and then to remove an errant twig or leaf.
His eyes were pulled from the entrancing dance those fingers were doing as they intricately plaited the golden locks when he heard
Thorin grumble at Fili, "Fil
An Unexpected Visit - Part 2Kíli touched the soft curve of Tauriel’s belly many times carefully, in awe of the news he had never anticipated. He had never dreamed of fathering a child. As most dwarves, it had never interested him. Now it was as if he had thoughts for nothing else.An Unexpected Visit - Part 29 months ago in Drama More Like This
Tauriel touched his face, and she smiled, as if she could not understand he was real, sitting beside her. She had yearned for this moment for what seemed like an eternity. Now she felt his hand upon her belly, beholding what they had created together, and she felt blissful.
Kíli eyed the elf maiden, and he thought she looked wary underneath her wonderful smile. At that moment the healer they had brought her to when they found her that night, entered the room. It was an old dwarven lady. Some said she was older than 300 years, but Kíli didn't truly believe them. Still, she had agreed to help Tauriel the best she could, despite knowing little of the elves and their births. She had brought many a dwarf into this
Thorin's Heart ~ Chapter 1Thorin's Heart ~ Chapter 12 years ago in Romance More Like This
I would give all the gold and jewels under the sun to taste the sweetness of your kiss, hear the melody of your song, and feel the love that envelopes completely as you hold me in your arms.
~Thorin Durin Oakenshield
~ They watched their king stand on the cliff side until she was gone from his sight and then they watched him stand there some time longer. Their great King who had lost so much but seemed to keep fighting for what he wanted and what was rightfully his. The admiration for this dwarf was of the highest respect and dignity and no other would compare. He slowly turned and saw them all staring at him. He looked at each one and saw not pity, but veneration and hope in their eyes. They would fight with him, side by side, to get his kingdom back. To get him back to his love. ~
Chapter 1 ~ A Song in the Night
Kale was playing with Nightrunner who always seemed to find her at night. She ran with him through the soft glow of the moonlit forest that bord
Chapter 1: Across the River (Hobbit fan fic)Chapter 1: Across the River (Hobbit fan fic)2 years ago in Settings More Like This
It had been two weeks since Bilbo had left his beloved home in the Shire. A mere two weeks, and yet it felt like two years. He trudged alongside of his comrades, feeling the sun burning the back of his neck. The weather had been relentless; either it was pouring rain or blazing hot.
Because it was so hot on this particular day, everyone seemed in rather poor spirits. Even Kili and Fili were arguing whether or not Kili could shoot a Rhosgobel rabbit from a tree.
"I very well could!" Kili vented, his face reddened from the constant exposure to the sun. "I could shoot two, I reckon." Fili just scoffed. "Two? You'd be lucky to hit one! You heard Radagast, those are the fastest rabbits in Middle Earth."
Bofur slapped a hand on Kili's slumped shoulder. "Ah. But our Kili here is the fastest archer on Middle Earth! Isn't that right?" Kili's expression brightened a bit at that, and he offered a slight grin, but said nothing in reply.
Bilbo marveled at what a kind soul Bofur was. Though everyone
Hobbit - Little Acts of HeroismDwarves couldn’t swim, Bilbo had been surprised to discover.Hobbit - Little Acts of Heroism2 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
There were a great many things which, although they seemed quite natural to the dwarves, initially mystified the little Hobbit. Their method of greeting each other by smashing their skulls together was only the first incident in which he became aware of their unfamiliar customs. He quickly discovered more over the next few days of travelling and, in the privacy of his head; he wryly conceded that Gandalf had been right. The world was most certainly not in his books. To be entirely truthful, he learned more about the peoples of Middle Earth from one talk with the well-educated and surprisingly chatty Dori, than he had done in his entire life up until that point.
Needless to say, Dwalin’s nipple-ring had been a major eye-opener and even now the company liked to do impressions of Bilbo’s squeak of surprise upon noticing it. Bifur’s injury too had alarmed him, although in truth the axe firmly lodged in his
I want a Hobbit HoleMy friends were discussing the other dayI want a Hobbit Hole6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
What houses they will own
Some said theyd like a mansion
Some said a cottage for a home
One said shed opt for a canal boat
In which to rest her stressed-out soul
But they looked at me kinda funny...
Because I want a hobbit hole.
One thats buried in a grassy hill -
Well mown, with lots of flowers,
A separate place to grow the vegetables
And while away the hours -
One with a big round door
Painted green, like Bilbos at Bag End
And little porthole windows
And a flower bed to tend
A hobbit hole would suit me very well
Cuz Im as wide as I am tall
The kitchen is always very big
And the pantry never small.
The walls are clad in wooden panelling
And the ceilings are kept low -
Which would really help my self-esteem
Since I never seem to grow