s h u t u p.
Too many "fuck you's"
that morph into
drip off this
Try and make it better. Fail. Try again. Break down.
So many faults
that seem to just
turn me into someone
Look into the mirror. See nothing but a clone. Fabrication. No longer me.
I stare and want
to break that glass
so that I can also
b r e a k.
Try and say something. Turns into nothing but rage. Take it out on you.
This shattered heart
only wants to make it
and become one again.
"I want to hate you."
"But I can't."
"So I hate me instead."
"But why won't this stop?"
"Why can't you make it stop?"
"...it's not my fault."
Say what you want to say. Honest brutality.
"H E L P M E"
It's time for me to
s h u t u p.
Loneliness:a limbless spider entangled inLoneliness:2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
its own web,
writhing and awaiting to
only to be devoured by the fly.
ObsessionYou are my obsession.Obsession2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Source of my depression.
One that I crave.
Love that is depraved.
I still hold on to.
I would die for you.
Even if you're not here.
My mind just won't clear.
Only one I want.
Mentally I attack.
I'd still take you back.
Glad you disappeared.
Return I feared.
Walk through my door.
Want you even more.
Wonder if I'll heal.
Was this even real?
We weren't stolen or lost...Who will standWe weren't stolen or lost...9 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
For the girls with broken hearts
And too much make-up and too-short skirt
Who cry for something better
Than petty drunk - 'it was just one night' - love
Who will scream
For the whisky breath boys
Who broke hearts to hide
How scared they really are
That you'll find out who they really are
Who will fight
For the skinny girls obsessed with numbers
Never quite low enough
And they want shoulder blades and pelvic bones
And beauty and disgust
Who will speak
For the kids who stay silent
And hide bruises under pretty clothes
With smiles that break your heart
When you look into their eyes
Who will reach
For tobacco-breath girls
With combat boots and a fuck off glare
To hide nightmares from the past
Because no one will get close again
Who will smile
At the ones with tear stained cheeks
And long sleeeves all year 'round
Who are told it's 'just a phase'
When they know that they are dieing
And destruction will be cause of death
Within Temptationi am neither hereWithin Temptation2 years ago in Visual & Found Poetry More Like This
nor there - just a
hidden deep within
a dangerous mind.
it's the fear,
somewhere in the
truth beneath the rose;
& all i need are
see who i am -
the deceiver of fools,
pale & frozen,
an ice queen.
but i will
stand my ground
in our solemn hour,
lost in a
GlacialJanuary wolves stalk her shivering heart;Glacial2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
bitter ice-fangs sink into feverish skin.
Frost devours slowly, succinctly, shamelessly;
yet the howling tossed chains around her
paper-thin limbs and dragged her down.
Arctic icebound lips quivering,
silver eyelashes fluttering emptily,
alabaster fingertips reaching out;
frenzied yet frozen and fractured.
"Drowning," she whispers in a winter song,
and places her mouth upon snow-dusted fur.
"Blood freezing in these frostbitten veins."
And then the pack of aurorean wolves bolt away,
leaving her smiling in the blizzard of humanity.
DepressionSleeping behind the cool lines of emotionDepression3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Biding their time, not willing to take a dare
Grinning evilly while I try to stay out of commotion
Giggling maniacally while I try to see where
Feasting upon the curling cinders of my pain
Digging its claws into my already cracked heart
Watching me as I wait for the rain
Tearing my life apart
Tick TockTick tock, the time goes by.Tick Tock2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I lay so still and wonder why.
Thoughts racing through my head.
Almost think I'd rather be dead,
Then go through these pointless motions.
Am I depressed or devoid of emotion?
With no happiness, I only feel pain.
Faking this smile is just a drain.
I don't know how much til I crack.
Almost wish for an anxiety attack.
What comes next? More of the same?
A suicide shouldn't be my aim.
When all seems lost, what do you do?
Getting some sleep would be something new.
Psychotic DepressionAccording to my doctor's session,Psychotic Depression2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I have psychotic depression.
I looked it up online.
I'm worried by my find.
It's worded different ways,
But serious it always says.
The diagnosis goes to few.
The description seems to be true.
Aware the voices aren't real.
Ashamed of how I feel.
Hid the voice for many years.
Being found, greatest of my fears.
This means a change in pill.
Make me no longer ill.
BreatheDizzy, swirly, can't stay straight.Breathe2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
The help I seek will come too late.
Thoughts are all muddled in head.
I can't even tell what I have said.
Heart is thumping, head is aching,
labored breathing, body shaking.
Pull it together, you'll be okay.
Just gotta take it day by day.
Slow your breath and lay real still.
Those thoughts will only make you ill.
It's tough to know where to begin.
Just start simple. Breathe out, breathe in.
Broken wingsMy heart is an angel with wings.Broken wings8 months ago in Free Verse More Like This
She wishes to fly,
To touch the sky.
She wants to be set free.
Oh so badly.
She beats against my rib cage,
That keep her imprisoned within me.
Cause I can't let her go,
She begs me to let her out,
She scream and shouts...
So one day I decide to set her free,
And there was never anyone who had fallen in love so truly,
With the world and it's beauty,
Until the storm came.
And broke her fragile wings.
And I saw my angel fall...
Fall to her knees...
She is nothing now,
Only broken hopes and dreams.
So I put her back in her cage,
As if nothing had changed,
But it did,
Because now my angel,
Who was once full hope,
Is nothing but,
A pair of broken wings.
Poetry?vodkashotsandvaliumshakesPoetry?8 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
PillsDon't only the crazies need to take pills?Pills2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
The though of going gives me chills.
On medication, how will I be?
Will I really feel like I am me?
Zombie is the way people often describe.
Of course it depends the pill they prescribe.
Let's play with my head like it's a game.
I know that things won't feel the same.
Depression is something I want somehow.
I want to be exactly as I am now.
I can't remember a time ever being without.
But my head shouldn't be filled with doubt.
I know that depression can really kill.
I've felt what it does, but somehow still...
Depression has become my abusive partner.
No matter how much it hurts, I only want her.
But I know that it causes too much pain.
And my energy all seems to drain.
So maybe medication is what I must do.
Hope is all I have to hold on to.
self hatredI don't know how you could see this body as perfectself hatred2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
When all I see is mistakes
I'm not sure how you looked into my eyes and said you saw angels
when all I can see is deep darkness hiding demons in the shadows
You claimed I'm was too skinny and needed to eat
I say I'm not skinny enough and refuse to touch anything
You said I should open
I say I'm under lock and key
You said you where leaving
I want you to stay
You said I was beautiful
I only see ugliness
You said you'd return
I knew you wouldn't
Your last words to me where full of hate
and finally we agreed on something
fingernails.She used to chew her fingernails.fingernails.6 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
she digs craters in her arms,
and mars her skin with scars.
I used to tease her about digging for her golden heart, and barreling through her veins in mining carts.
I realize shes digging for all her insecurities.
I watch her as her lips move in silent repetition,
My name is Angel.
My name is Angel.
My name is-
and her fingernails line her shoulder blades in red. She smiles like innocence and makes me wonder if the fists pounding against cushioned walls and the eyes filled with nothing but white spaces are really angels screaming for home.
pretty little poet fingersfabricated gods rest between thepretty little poet fingers2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
languid crevices of
her fingertips, scribbling profanities
all over her skin.
she's just mismatched bones
& blue bruises, telling of forbidden
love through archaic letters.
a tongue made for
wanderlust, & eyes made
for the stars,
even the devil fears her.
ListenThey all said "I want to save you"Listen8 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
And they swore "We want to be there for you"
Then they told her that she pushed them away
That they couldn't help if they didn't know
If they didn't understand
And she said,
"I never wanted you to understand.
I only needed you to listen"
It's Time To ScreamIt seems to meIt's Time To Scream9 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I have lost my words
Somewhere in the mess and dull lights
of this city
Perhaps I spoke too quiet
Perhaps I screamed too loud
Or I just don't deserve them
Maybe they ran
Like I ran from the tears
Until I stopped
And still no words
All this running has only left
My feet cracked and dry
And my lungs sore and tired
So I still want to scream
"It's time you stopped this"
I told them I don't know how and I won't
Until I find those words
That will arrange to spell what 'this' is
They will make you fall
With the weight from my stone heart
It suddenly becomes apparent
I have lost my words
They lost meaning in the devastation of this city and
the fog that collapsed my lungs
What Do You Do?What do you do when your world's falling downWhat Do You Do?3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
And no hands reach out to save you?
What do you do when tears fall from a frown
And when you think of yourself you say 'Who'?
What do you do when no one sees your pain
And people seem to make it worse?
What do you do when frustration must be refrained
And every further step hurts?
What do you do when you feel like falling down
And just want to leave life behind....
TonightTonight I tried to tear my skinTonight6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Straight from my bones
But all that was under my fingernails
Were pieces of peeled paint
Tonight I tried to open my chest
To release the thing that lives inside me
But my skin is made of steel
And my fingers bled
Tonight my phone is silent
And a woman on the other line
That you are unavailable or
cannot be reached
I understand, I say
It's how it's always been
Tonight the sky is exploding
And the walls are caving in
But I am scared to go outside
I am scared to move
Tonight I am alone
Wearing a robe, a bandage
Drinking a sad cocktail
And hating my love
Tonight I tried to run away
But my feet are now raw
And I fell
I'm giving up
AddictionsIt lies in waitAddictions3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I smell the bait
I'd run away
But it's too late.
I feel the pain
I must refrain
Just stop, they say
There's too much to gain.
Hold me now
It follows me
I'm already found.
To love again
Would be the end
I'd clean up the mess
To come home, my friend.
To stay away
Just for a day
Kill me now
I'd waste away.
Too far to stop
Just hit the top
Come to me Death,
My heart's ready to stop.
Not The Girl You Think I AmI'm not the girl you think I amNot The Girl You Think I Am9 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
I promise I never will be
I'm not what you expect and know
Just open your eyes and see
I'm not as simple and innocent
As you all want to think
I'm not so cute and I'm not sweet
So take another drink
Because when you see the real me
You'll wish you never knew
That one day I'm going to hurt you
One day I'll fall through
So you want to know the truth?
To pull away the covers?
Well the girl I really am you know
Has a heart a different colour
I could tell you just who I am
And who I want to be
but who I'm not is more important
So tell me what you see
You see the girl you think I am
But I've been fooling you
I'll push you hard and knock you down
And maybe tell you the truth
You think you understand me
The reason why my heart beats
But you didn't see me run away
Down jagged city streets
I'm brave and strong and wonderful
That's what you seem to know
But I'm cracked and I'm a coward
And the courage is all a show
Plastic smiles have stolen moments
When you could
AstrologicalI have lost myself toAstrological2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Venus & Mars,
tangled in their mismatched limbs.
Just dream dust & shattered prayers
begging for a new set of skin
(she can't remember where she orbits).
Pluck these fractured wings;
the Sun & Moon no longer ache
to see me fly in their luster.
TiredTrying to get myself up.Tired2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Surrounded by dirty cups.
Really need some motivation.
Tired of this bored sensation.
Want to get up and clean.
Or go out and be seen.
Want to go out for a walk.
Or call a friend and talk.
Turn up the music and sing.
Just want to do something.
Hope that I don't get fired.
So tired of just being tired.
Protect MeProtect me from strangers,Protect Me2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Those that want to harm.
Protect me from liars,
Using me for their good.
Protect me from my heart,
It's so easy to break.
Protect me from the voice,
She has such anger.
Protect me from depression,
It can overwhelm.
Protect me from myself,
I'm the biggest threat.