Only When I WriteThe drama unfurling in my life
Feels like the shadow of my hand
That grows as it comes ever closer
To the light perched on my bed stand
In that I can feel the darkest cloud
Ever such a menacing sight
In time I can reverse the feeling
But only when I write
Seclusion left me with nothing
Apart from creativity
Loneliness it turns out, my friends
Is quite the aperitif
For the feast that is awaiting me
If I make it through the night
Tomorrow always brings me new hope
But only when I write
You approach me on a good day
And I will offer you a smile
The same expression on the worst days
Because my manners are so mild
But don’t take me for a toothless fool
When cornered I’ve been known to bite
Fear not, those demons remain at bay
But only when I write
At leastYou were there when I slippedAt least2 years ago in Scraps More Like This
Something inside just skipped
The ground fell from beneath me
And I fell into the sea
My world dimmed and numbness set in
Water choked me and I forgot how to swim
My body got cold
And death had a hold
But you were there underneath me
You were where you needed to be
Your breath kept me warm
You made me glad I was born
I felt your heart beat
And finally found my feet
Maybe I'm not strong
But at least I have you to help me along
DepressionThis feeling, it pollutes my very coreDepression3 years ago in Scraps More Like This
Leaving it rotted and tearing apart piece after piece.
It is a black thing, corrupting everything it brushes against
Leaving me in a will drained state.
Depression; a tired rage or sadness
No one has come to understand.
A flash of pain follows every thought of family and friends,
Leaving me with my head in my hands begging for an end.
I have not a single word, not a flick of my tongue;
That can even come close to describing how I feel.
My whole body feels like it is cracking into pieces
Planning to leave me as nothing more than a face smiling in a frame.
I’ve turned all that I loved against me,
Now ‘tis the time I answer for my crimes;
I can feel my mind falling into an un-savable saddened depth
Its swimming in my skull trying to find a way to drown itself.
I don’t know why depression in habits one’s being,
Nor do I understand how it has come to be
But it corrupts,
And destroys all that is dear to me.
developing picturesyou're a maybaby, borndeveloping pictures6 years ago in Scraps More Like This
from april showers and
rain, rain, rain.
i never know what to say,
i never know what not to say,
i never know why i say things
anyway; perhaps a little
shut-eye, then. perhaps
an alarm-free lay-about.
but you make me afraid to dream,
to have a thought made of soap
and dipped in a hollow circle,
to have a wish and a want
and a thought and a bubble.
a bubble is too fragile
for a world made of poisonous
ants, a bubble doesn't understand
the limitations of air. it won't
breathe and it won't think and,
if i'm not careful, it will fly
away and what will i be left
[sometimes i'm afraid to dream,
but if i'm going to dream, then
you're going to the top of the
tallest building in the city,
and you're going to feel what
breathing really is. calm the
shakes and brittle air, just
smile when the stars are almost
beneath the curve in your fingers.
there are ducks in my sleep and
they're printing photos in a darkroom
with white feathers bathed in
red light and
harmonizei'm built on broken bones and metronomesharmonize3 years ago in Scraps More Like This
her alto trills, his hollow tones
a second verse she'll never know
so sweet and sweet and down we go
the cords stretch and scratch but never match
the off beat tears he'll surely catch
the droplets lead a song of their own
recorded on heartstrings, a song i know
his words they ring and the hurt they bring
it's been so long but i choose to sing
and maybe he'll hear the music we make
( it's been so long but i choose to break. )
why a therapist will never askthis is the busiest intersection in the city of rats.why a therapist will never ask6 years ago in Scraps More Like This
this is where i meant to catch the train but lost its tracks
because i was stuck in my own.
this is how i forgot to say i loved you like i meant it.
here is the waterfront park we stand before in the
winter, chilling to the bones to tremble like the
naked trees we stand between.
the boat we have never been on is called the moon,
which makes me smile and shiver and think of
the sun that hides behind grey sheets.
this is when i look at park benches like they are lost lovers,
seek the little messages carved into their skin-
"fuck" and "az+za forever" and "i am too lonely to
remember what the sky looks like."
i don't feel like walking is getting me anywhere.
i am unsure if it is summer or autumn,
like i have missed the equinox or am still stuck
within its parameters, immobile like an egg
stood on its hilt.
this is where i fall off the pavement,
killing an ant and his family.
this is where i cry and watch my tears
slide down the sewage d
IntroductionsHear me read itIntroductions2 years ago in Scraps More Like This
I take my valium with cola, I'm a very complex lady.
Full of contradictions. I sometimes always answer vaguely.
If you ask me how I am, you better know I'll always lie
and if I fall in love with you, you're probably gonna die.
Life's not always kind to me, I try to stay upbeat
but please don't ask me how I am if I cry in the street.
I don't like to be looked at, I hate to be ignored,
I'm right, you're wrong, so be prepared for a broken record.
I stick up for the little guy, unless that guy is me
and if I do you a favour then I'd never charge a fee
I'm really bad at rhyming, but I think you kinda guessed
whoops, I'm sorry, backtrack now, I guess that I transgressed.
I'm sugarly sweet but bitter, I think that hope's a noose
I'm funny and outgoing, but somehow a recluse.
People mistake sweetness for weakness, I tell them I don't mind
I can run rings around you without being unkind.
Generally I'd have to say, I'm not my bigges
Un-done - ScrapThere is so much left unsaidUn-done - Scrap3 years ago in Scraps More Like This
There is so much that I wanted to be
So much I wanted to see
I so, so wanted to
I wanted to say I was sorry
I wanted to make it all up to you
I wanted to spend the
roamin'i named him charlie.roamin'6 years ago in Scraps More Like This
charlie was the sort to sit on the concrete rather than the bench three feet away because it was ironic, his guitar case under his shoes and a cardboard sign on his lap that read, "roamin'." charlie was maybe twenty, with too many deceased train tickets and copper-plated coins turning in his jeans. i would bet the contents of his pockets that he couldn't remember where his hometown was anymore, what his mother's face looked like, or why he left.
i wanted him to hold his sign the other way, i wanted to see if there were more permanent-marker words scrawled on the back. i wanted it to say, 'drive me somewhere,' or 'take me to the west coast, take me back east.'
i wanted to drop my shopping bags and throw open my passenger door and tell him to jump in. his guitar case would go in the backseats and he'd kick his feet up on the dashboard and leave muddy traction prints along it.
i'd tell him to empty his pockets, see what he's got, make him chip in for gas money. i'd dr