80 things learned from TolkienPretty, shiny things are hazardous to your health.80 things learned from Tolkien5 years ago in Humor More Like This
This is because the Law of Attraction is multiplied 100x once you look at them
Hobbits state the overly obvious
Chocolate is nonexistent in Middle-Earth.
Arwen stole Glorfindel's horse.
Beer and Tobacco seem to have a beneficial effect on hobbits
Never make fires in questionable caves
Kick a troll, and your foot will break
Elvish accents are low and whispery
Never sleep in a boat if your Dad is a Pyromaniac
Don't give twins the exact same name
Imitating voices can come in handy
Running at your brother with a sword and shouting at him in old-fashioned language will get you a big time-out
Really, really big dogs are very useful
Being good at riddles can save your life
Giant spiders freak out elves big-time
Elrond should have pushed Isildur into the crack of doom
Sauron once got pwned by a girl
If you insult any of Tùrin's female relatives, you will find yourself impaled on a rock at the bottom of a raging river.
Speaking of w
BathingIn the quiet forests of Doriath, the sunlight was falling dappled through the leaves high above. The birds were singing, the branches were rustling, small animals were hopping happily through the undergrowth. A slight breeze whispered through the trees, and a small brook murmured nearby. All in all, perfect day in the forest.Bathing3 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
Galadriel, however, was unable to enjoy it.
"I feel disgusting," she complained, pulling sharply on her reins to steer her horse around a small bush. "Do you people never wash?"
Her Sindar guides looked offended, but were unsure how to respond. She was a high lady of the Noldor, after all. As usual when in need of guidance, they turned to their lord.
Celeborn sighed quietly and gave Galadriel a mild smile. "We will be in Menegroth very soon, my lady. Be assured that King Thingol's halls have very beautiful baths."
A frown marred the loveliness of Galadriel's face. "We will be in Menegroth in two days. I feel disgusting now." She huffed out a breath and pulled her
Jareth Character DetailJareth Character Detail2 years ago in Profiles More Like This
Name: Jareth Corsia of Fiona
Race: Sidhe born of Seelie
Age: 913 in human years
Father: Targoth Oakenroot of Gwydion, Sidhe of the Wood
Mother: Sarabel Whisperwisp of Liam, Sidhe Priestess of Titania
though still of Seelie descent and still seen as family by many of the House Fiona members, he no longer views himself as a Seelie Sidhe. he rather see's himself as Noble of the Unseelie court choosing to reject his heritage and their beliefs.
his father having been born of the forest takes great joy in tending to the woods of the world making them strong and crafting them into lush works of art by twisting the branches together as they grow. he see's little room in the world for anyone who does not see the tending to the world as a top priority and that played a large part in Jareths choice to leave. his father has now become a part of the forest he tends sitting inside a massive tree and using his oneness to disrupt human attempts at harvesting from his hedge.
Thranduil x Reader 'wine, women, and song'‘What’s so extravagant about wine, women, and song?’ Thranduil silently mused this to himself; leaning back in his throne. Usually the king would love to take part in such an event, but lately something, more like someone, has been on his mind. He quietly scanned the crowd looking for his favorite advisor.Thranduil x Reader 'wine, women, and song'8 months ago in Romance More Like This
“She’s out in the gardens.” Thranduil simply nodded, “Now Elrond, whoever are you talking about?” Elrond scoffed, “still in denial I see.” Smiling softly, he added “If you just talk to her, I think you’ll be quite amazed.” Thranduil looked to his friend, who gave a reassuring nod. He slowly stood and headed for the gardens.
Making his way through the crowd, excusing himself every so often, his kingly courage started to wither. As soon as he reached the doorway, he made a beeline for the wine. He drank half a glass before he realized Elrond was staring intensely at him. As soon as he made eye contact w
Pippin's SongPippin's Song11 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
I couldn't quite understand what I had done. In one shining moment, I had pledged to serve one whose son had died to save me. In my heart I had been pledging my serviced to Boromir.
In life I was pledging my services to a madman.
My thoughts turned to Merry momentarily. My dearest friends, where was he? I missed him so much. I was a foolish Took, I knew. I had done exactly what I had been advised against. And now I was here, serving this madman.
The sound of horse hooves gently clipping against the cobblestone road brought my eyes downward, to the streets. There rode Faramir, strong, brave, and unappreciated. The man was so like his brother in appearance, but also so different. He was true and kind, of meek and tender heart. Yet there he was, leaving the city, seeking a peace that would only come in death. I didn't want him to go, but I knew after having been rebuked by his father, there was no other choice for him. His desire to please the aging steward came before his own will to liv
How to Annoy Sauron1. Tell him that the red-eye spirit look is SOO last ageHow to Annoy Sauron7 years ago in Fan Fiction More Like This
2. Wear rings constantly.
3. Taunt him by holding up these rings and screaming I have something you dont have!
4. Sing songs to Elbereth
5. In Elvish
6. Recount all of his past defeats in a long and badly edited bedtime story
7. Rearrange Barad-dur according to feng shui.
8. Tell him that he needs all the positive energy he can get when he rages over the living room.
9. Criticize his armor from the last time he had a body.
10. Sing The Road Goes Ever On loudly whenever you see him.
11. Make a snowglobe with Barad-dur in the middle.
12. Give it to him for Christmas.
13. Make fun of his creepy voice.
14. Imitate the Ringwraiths all the time and ask why they couldnt be more attractive sounding.
15. Claim constantly that Morgoth was MUCH cooler than he was
16. Dress up several Orcs as cheerleaders and lead them in a dance every time he triumphs.
17. Remind him that he was already defeated by an elv
A Father's Love“Because I’m King, and as King, I can and shall do what I want, and what I want now is to take the day off and spend some quality time with my son, whom I have not seen for many a long years, and that is final!”A Father's Love10 months ago in Short Stories More Like This
The Elvenking sat back in his throne, arms and legs crossed, his soft lower lip protruding ever so slightly forward in what could only be described as a pout. His son stood before him, accompanied by the King’s advisor, trying hard to remain serious and not laugh at his father’s rather childish expression. The advisor sighed, smiling ever so slightly, knowing that he could not change his stubborn King’s mind.
“As you wish, my Lord.”
Thranduil cleared his throat, his face returning to its usual regal calm and he nodded his dismissal to his advisor, who quickly left, leaving behind the father and son. Thranduil’s expression immediately softened as he stood, smiling down fondly at the golden-haired elf before him wh
25 Rules For Writing S. SnapeThey say a rule was never made that hadn't been broken. In this case whoever "they" are...are right. I've come across a lot of horrid fan fiction in my day, but if there's one thing that really really bothers me, it's a poorly written Severus Snape. Therefore, I have compiled these twenty-five simple rules to aid authors in writing him.25 Rules For Writing S. Snape7 years ago in General Non-Fiction More Like This
25 Rules for Writing Severus Snape
By Lauren K.
Rule Number One:
Severus Snape is a Potions Master who has been known to have been a spy, as well as exhibit extensive knowledge of the Dark Arts. The fact that I need to state this as a rule makes me die a little inside.
Rule Number Two:
Severus Snape does not refer to students by their first names unless otherwise instructed, and even then it takes effort.
Rule Number Three:
Severus Snape is not interested in anyone's personal life unless it has some bearing upon his own. Any interest shown would be done so begrudgingly.
Rule Number Four:
Severus Snape portra
CountingCountingCounting4 years ago in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
Gimli yelled as he slid under the Uruk-Hai Berserker. The creature raised his blade, but too late, and Gimli's axe caught it in the belly.
"Legolas! Two already!" Gimli called to his Elvin companion.
"I'm on seventeen!" Legolas called back, drawing back his bow.
"What? I'll have no pointy-ear outscoring me!" Gimli turned rapidly and sought out another foe to cleave. He was almost out of earshot when he heard Legolas yell "nineteen". Frustration gave strength to his swings, and another uruk fell to his axe.
The Uruk-Hai outside of the wall stood restlessly. Their group wasn't due to enter the battle for awhile, and the sounds of battle on top of the wall made them impatient. Only their discipline kept them from all storming the wall at once. Ladders were unreliable, and it was practically suicide to go up one.
And besides, there was a new sound rising over the din of the battlefield, one that made the uruks more and more reluctant to go up the ladders.
"Seventeen! Eighteen! Nin
The NoldorMighty are the Second Kindred,The Noldor7 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
Strong and brave and fair;
Fierce they are and proud,
Tall and dark of hair;
Filled with passion and iron of will,
A two edged sword this can be.
Never do they turn aside from their propose,
From no enemy do they flee.
Ache their hands do to craft and create,
Beloved of the Smith are they.
Burn their minds do for knowledge,
But into folly they sometimes stray.
Lovers of hills and open lands,
The Watchtower their first home.
Many other glorious kingdoms did they build,
Seven High Kings they have known.
Forgotten LanternForgotten Lantern2 years ago in Drama More Like This
Legolas walked into the moonlit forest. The air was humid and steamy from a soft rain. It smelled of rotting wood touched with a hint of wild honeysuckle. He walked stealthily pressing on the damp floor of the forest through the slanted beams of moonlight that were cast amid the grey trunks of the ancient trees. The air grew heavier as he neared the sacred place beneath the great oaks where he knew he would find his father. A place where Thranduil always seemed to drift away to find solitude. Legolas smiled down at his father’s forgotten lantern—it sat alone casting a silver glow on the tall, wispy grass. It was not a beacon of welcome but a sign that none were allowed beyond this point. In this place, the only thing allowed was Thranduil’s thoughts-but Legolas stepped forward knowing that this night he was needed.
Legolas walked up behind him, unseen and unheard, but he knew Thranduil would sense he was already there. The air was full of ligh
A Strand of HairA Strand of Hair3 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
Gimli enjoyed exploring. Gimli's father, Gloin, had raised him on tales of Thorin's expedition for the Arkenstone. Gimli wanted to follow his father's footsteps, maybe even surpassing them. His own journey was nothing like his childhood daydreams. It was wearing, terrifying, miserable, difficult, and often boring. He relished every second. That was why he accepted the elf's invitation to sail west to Valinor.
Gimli would travel farther than any other dwarf before or after him. He had not realized that he would be the only dwarf on the continent. It seemed silly, but he did not consider how alone he would feel. He missed his family, but it was the small things that drowned him in nostalgia. He missed drinking a pint of ale by the firelight; he missed seeing faces with real beards, not sissy elf-beards; he missed sitting in a chair where his feet touched the ground.
Gimli's friends did their best to make him feel at home, but it was not enough. Legolas was always good company, but he did
An Adventure- Bilbo x Reader Chpt. 2You were laying on the back of your large black point dun gelding, using his neck as a back rest so you could look up at the sky, when Bilbo caught up to the company. A wide smile spread across your face and you slipped from your high perch to greet him with a question, “You’ve decided to join us?”An Adventure- Bilbo x Reader Chpt. 21 year ago in Introductions & Chapters More Like This
He nodded, still trying to catch his breath, and you swept him into a hug as you exclaimed, “Fantastic!”
He was unsure of how to respond to your sudden affection but it didn’t matter as you quickly released him to give a wicked grin to the company of dwarves behind you, “Pay up!”
There were a number of coins tossed in your direction as Gandalf chuckled and Bilbo gawked, “You wagered on whether or not I would come?”
You offered him a grin and a wink, “I had faith you would join us before the day was out and they did not.”
Thorin waved a hand, “Give him a pony.”
An Adventure- Bilbo x Reader Chpt. 14The road was painfully quiet without your usual chatter as it seemed you were trying to appease Thorin by keeping your distance from the other dwarves. As soon as one would try to talk to you, you would move to a different area of the company, even ducking away when Fili and Kili tried to corner you.An Adventure- Bilbo x Reader Chpt. 141 year ago in Introductions & Chapters More Like This
Balin caught up with Thorin, “You need to make amends with the lass.”
He scowled, “She brought this upon herself Balin.”
“How? We do not choose our parentage, Thorin. She was not the one who let the mountain fall.”
“Would you have allowed her to help us if she hadn’t?”
The stoic dwarf frowned but said nothing and Balin sighed, “I can not tell you what to do Thorin but if you do not do something the road ahead will be quiet and long.”
He looked over to watch you dart away from Bofur when he tried to wrap an arm around your shoulder and Balin left him with his thoughts. You fell to the back again, letti
An Adventure- Bilbo x Reader Chpt. 17When the dwarves came to a stop outside, you doubled over to catch your breath with your hands on your knees as Gandalf did a head count and quickly found Bilbo missing. You straightened, spinning to look for your friend while the others argued over whom he was supposed to be with and then Thorin angrily offered, “I’ll tell you what happened- Master Baggins saw his chance and he took it. He’s thought of nothing but his soft bed and his warm hearth since first he stepped out his door. We will not be seeing our hobbit again. He is long gone.”An Adventure- Bilbo x Reader Chpt. 171 year ago in Introductions & Chapters More Like This
Anger flashed across your face as you shouted, “Enough!” and put yourself squarely in front of Throin as you seethed, “He would not have done so, Bilbo Baggins is brave beyond what you give him credit for and as clever as the day is long. He is likely lost or was left behind in that mountain and needs our aid -If you will not give it because of your own ignorant lack of faith I will go alone. I am not
An Adventure- Bilbo x Reader Chpt. 8You didn’t go back to your room but instead went in search of Blossom, finding him happily munching away in the hay filled stables of Rivendell. He gave a happy nicker when he spied you and then nuzzled at your hair with his lips when you came to him, as if trying to return it to it’s normal state. You chuckled, taking his chin in your hand and running the other down the bridge of his nose, “I know it’s different but Lady Arwen spent a good amount of time on it so let’s do try not to ruin it.”An Adventure- Bilbo x Reader Chpt. 81 year ago in Introductions & Chapters More Like This
You moved from him to your pack, which some elf had placed next to the saddle they’d removed from your horse friend, and he stamped his feet giving you an unhappy neigh. You sighed, pulling his brush from its place before returning to him, “You know as well as I do that where I am going you can not follow.”
Bilbo watched you from the doorway, having left the table only minutes after you to see if you were alright, and jumped when Blossom tosse
An Adventure- Bilbo x Reader Chpt. 3Bilbo watched you closely over the next few days of travel, you had insisted he keep your extra cloak after the rain, stating that it was slightly too short for you anyways and the color, a rich forest green, suited him better.An Adventure- Bilbo x Reader Chpt. 31 year ago in Introductions & Chapters More Like This
It seemed you had a good relationship with each of the dwarves and even Thorin seemed to view you with some respect, but you preferred the company of Fili and Kili, as you enjoyed their enthusiasm and playful attitudes, and Balin, who was always willing to lend a listening ear, tell a tale of old, or offer some advice.
Now that didn’t mean you ignored the others. Dwalin often asked you to spar and, though you always refused, you would gladly referee for anyone else who wanted to practice, when you weren’t stealing his hat, Bofur taught you to carve small gears to make little moving toys, and you often helped Bombur with the food, chatting away about what spices went with what.
The thing that surprised Bilbo was that you spent a good amount of time wi
An Adventure- Bilbo x Reader Chpt. 10Was it too much to ask that you be allowed to sleep in?An Adventure- Bilbo x Reader Chpt. 101 year ago in Introductions & Chapters More Like This
Yes of course it was.
Fili and Kili flew through your door with the rising sun, slowing to creep up on your sleeping form before jumping on your bed and nearly tossing you out of it. You were used to their rude awakenings by now and after an initial cry of shock, groaned and pulled the blankets over your head, “Why is it that you two rise with the sun and with just as much fire?”
They happily flopped down next to you, one on either side, “Wake up lass, daylight’s awasting.”
You swiftly kicked both of them off the bed and tumbling to the floor, “Then shoo while I change and after we will find some more amusing way to fill its hours.”
You were met with wide grins as they scrambled away to let you get ready. You rolled out of bed, stretching your muscles before running a hand over your wound, it was already healing nicely thanks to Elrond. Finding some clean clothes nearby, you grinned,
NamarieNamárië to the skies of blueNamarie8 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
And the soft lush grass of green
Namárië to the rivers clear
And the days where air is clean
Gone is the time where we shall gaze
Upon a merry sight
For the fair folk who cared for this land
Are leaving in the night
‘I Aear cân ven na mar.’ they say
as tears roll down my face
The world is growing cold and dark
Without their care and grace
They journey to a brighter world
Where flowers never die
When the elves leave from this nurtured land
The howling winds shall cry
I wish I could go too with them
And see their haven realm
For never would I have to bear
A long bow, sword or helm
And never again would I dream
Of where I’d rather be
For all that I could ever want
Lay there across the sea
Too late I see what we have done
To our so-called cherished home
The destruction lies before our eyes
Yet few can see it’s come
Namárië to the skies of blue
And the soft lush grass of green
Namárië to the rivers clear
And the days where air is clean
An Adventure- Bilbo x Reader Chpt. 11As Bilbo explored the halls and balconies of Rivendell he couldn’t help but be reminded of his cozy hobbit hole back in the Shire. There was a sense of peace in this elven refuge that called to mind all the things that he had been missing on the road and all the comforts of home. He had found a quiet place to look over the area when Elrond found him, “Not with your companions?”An Adventure- Bilbo x Reader Chpt. 111 year ago in Introductions & Chapters More Like This
“Ah…I shall not be missed.” Bilbo said with a little frown, looking up at the elf before further explaining, “The truth is that most of them don’t think I should be on this journey.”
“Indeed,” Elrond nodded, looking the Hobbit over before stating, “I’ve heard that Hobbits are very resilient.”
Bilbo scoffed and then realized he was serious, “Really?”
“I’ve also heard they are fond of the comforts of home,” Elrond continued, looking out at his kingdom once again.
Bilbo let out a soft chuckle before co
It Had to Happen Series-Bilbo x ReaderYou arrived in Rivendell less than an hour after the company did, galloping up on your oversized horse with a grin on your face just as Elrond was about to lead them inside.It Had to Happen Series-Bilbo x Reader1 year ago in General Fiction More Like This
There were grins and smiles from each member of the party, even Thorin couldn’t hide the slight tug at the corners of his lips, they were so very glad that, as usual, Gandalf was right.
You swung yourself off the horse, landing gracefully on the ground below before bounding over to sweep Bilbo up into a large hug. The hobbit was used to your sudden affectionate greetings by now and returned the hug in kind, “Good to have you back along side us (F/n).”
Gandalf chuckled as you released your friend as quickly as you had taken him up, spinning to greet him, “Yes, my dear it is quite good to have you back. I only wish it had been sooner as your aid would have been greatly welcome on the road we only just left behind us.”
Some of the dwarfs gave nods of agreement and you rolled your eyes,
Unstable PrologueHan Psychiatric Ward FilesUnstable Prologue4 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
Patient Name : Kim Heechul
Date of Birth : July 10, 1983
Reason for Admission : Split Personality Disorder
Year Admitted : 2003
File Author : Han Geng
I found him wandering the streets of Seoul one night in the winter of 2003. After meeting him, I brought him home and discovered that he had violent tendencies that he couldn't remember after sleeping. I came to the conclusion that he had a multiple personality disorder. After becoming close with him, I was motivated to create the Han Psychiatric Ward to help him and others like him.
Patient Name : Park Jungsu (Eeteuk)
Date of Birth : July 1, 1983
Reason for Admission : Schizophrenia
Year Admitted : 2004
File Author : Han Geng
His condition caused him to over-power a security guard at a museum and steal the guards gun. He threatened to kill hostages if he wasn't given the figurines in the exhibit depicting a traditional Korean school house. He was persuaded eventually to give up the gun and proceeded to tell th
An Unforeseen Admission - Kili x Reader (BFF!Fili)An Unforeseen Admission - Kili x Reader (BFF!Fili)4 months ago in General Fiction More Like This
Fat. Ugly. Freak. Bitch. Stupid. Useless. Slut. Worthless. A burden. Weak. That's what you felt every time you looked in the mirror. Or rather your reflection at the lake you and the company had stopped at for a break. You joined the company of Thorin Oakenshield when you left your last class at the local community college. Somehow you were magically transported to Middle Earth and you were still unsure as to how that had happened. The Company had discovered you by chance as you had been running from two vile creatures that you later learned were Orcs. Thorin and Kili had heard your scream for help nearby and had come to your rescue.
That had been almost a year ago and the Company was now like your family. You looked at Thorin as a father; Dwalin, the protective uncle and Balin as a wise grandfather. Every member had a special place in your heart. Kili more so than the rest. You had felt an instant attraction to the dark haired archer and after knowing him, your feelings began to run d