Nine years ago they asked us,Nine years ago they asked us;
oh how young we were back then.
They asked us where we saw ourselves
ten years from that day's end.
I paused and thought of who I was
and who I wanted to be
and while the others made grand plans
I thought "It'd be nice to be happy.."
To wake each morning smiling
at the rising of the sun
to never have to shed a tear
or see the pain of anyone.
I never thought I asked for much
until life dealt a crooked hand
years in the hourglass flew by
like grains of falling sand.
I tried to make
my world a better place
not just for me
but for all who saw my face.
I stretched myself
thin as I could
helping those I met
when none other would.
Until I sit
where I do today.
With all I know,
so far away.
nine years ago.
Nine winters worth
of fallen snow.
Nine years ago, they said to me
"we want to be rich, successful, free,
employed, in college, or a university"
Now I sit here
living their dreams
while my own tear
at my sanity's seams.
My wishes, hopes, are unful
Free?Beneath the earthFree?3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
where dead men sleep
Beneath the trees
who's roots run deep
Far from the light
of open skies
far from the birds
with cheerful cries
I've dug a tomb
from rock and stone
A place of rest
to call my own
Away from men
with scornful eyes
away from lips
that whisper lies
too far for hateful
hands to reach
and greedy sinners
my life to leach
This solace forged
is peace unearned
And yet down here
I'm finally free
I'm free to live
free to be me.
embraceI sit alone within these wallsembrace4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Alone in my rocking chair
Awaiting his embrace.
There is a knock upon my door
A sound I've been waiting for
No dread, no reget, I know my end is come.
I've cast away the fear, for in the face
Of inevitability, there is no use for tears.
I've waited since before I knew I was waiting,
Or what the wait was for.
His hand extended, he greets me like a friend.
I've never known him quite so well,
despite meeting him before.
I smile as I reach for his embrace;
I know what is to come.
Just days ago I sat, cowering in terror
Before I realized the absurdity of my error
The fear I felt when I lived
Through what would be my end,
Dispersed when he came to me.
An saint in black, wielding his scythe
He saved me from my terror.
Mine eyes he opens for to see
The end that has come upon me
And as I walk out of the door
My home is my prison no more.
I'm free at last, I'm free at last
Thank the black saint
I'm free at last.
I Need You To KnowStop.I Need You To Know3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I need you to stop what you're doing
And listen to me for a second.
I need you to understand my words
Even though they fall carelessly from my lips.
It will only take a few minutes, I promise.
I need you to know that I love you,
And that I always have.
I cared for you more than myself.
Nothing else matter as long as
You were there to comfort me,
And I thank you for that.
I think you should know that when I
Woke up this morning my first thoughts
Were of you, as they are every morning.
I wanted to know how you felt,
If you were okay,
If you were thinking of me…
Now for the hard part:
I need you to know that I don't want this.
Because it completely blindsided me.
I was suddenly picked up out of this universe
And thrown into another.
And now I am constantly needing a reminder of how to breathe.
I did not ask for this.
I could have picked someone better;
Someone who would wrap their arms
Around my waist and mean it when
They say that everything is okay,
But I didn't. I didn't choose.
NelophobiaHer heart was the same color as nightmares.Nelophobia5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
She spoke in her sleep, whispering early on
when things were uncertain; then sometime
around midnight, the screaming began.
Her body was the closest thing to bloodless.
She ran her fingers through the night sky
and told it to stand still; then sometime
around sunrise, she was smothered.
Her room's walls were marked with mayhem.
She drew tiny pictures all over her body
so that her thoughts could breathe; then sometime
in the near future, they found her.
Her soul was made of white glass.
She compiled the shards in the shape of roses
because they smell like dishonesty; then sometime
in the past, she began to fear.
i love you because you existjust two little boysi love you because you exist1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
playing with matches,
they started a spark i
could feel in the
pit of my stomach and baby
are tongues are like daggers;
each time we kiss it's
a sword fight i can never
quite win but there's still
something beautiful about the
way you call me princess.
maybe it's because you make
it believable or maybe it's
the way this wildfire
is devouring my being,
leaving nothing but a desire
for the way you hold me
Forever MoreForever MoreForever More3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
It's said true friendship is strong
A tree hundreds of years old
yet I saw a withered leaf falling
And the green begins to fade
Look beyond the withered leaf
See past the fading green
Look down into the soil
Where strong roots do grow.
I can hear dry branches cracking
And all the oncoming storms
Black clouds darkening the sky
Are we strong enough to prevail?
Though the branches may crack
As the winds bend them back
Look beyond the darkening clouds
The rays of the sun can be found.
I don't want to lose what we had.
I don't want to see it die.
But the wind takes the leaves away.
A barren skeleton is what is left.
You will not lose what is there
The beauty of nature will prevail
For beneath the soil the roots will grow
Blooming leaves that are forever more
When did we stop to care?
Hoping the tree's big enough
Our visits became rare
Blood In the WaterBeneath the normalBlood In the Water3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Where the tides of life swell
a crimson threat mingles with current events
There is blood in the water
All our thrashing comes to nothing
Those toothed monsters smell us, distant though they are
We've tried and cried
For far too long we have wept tears of wood and concrete
There is blood in the water
Would you hold my face to the flames
to maintain these rosy cheeks?
Set me afire, then, as is your wont
The wind will not change the direction
of this fire, of this final solution
The water will be red, regardless of ash and soot
Seeping will be the new thing
It will sell records, won't it?
Mired by sired sorrows, we will sink together
There is blood in the water
I Killed UsThe shovel gave me blisters.I Killed Us5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
My hair whipped around my face
making it nearly impossible to see
if I had dug for long enough.
The wind shifted the leaves on the ground
and the earth looked like it was crawling towards me.
I don't blame it for being angry with me;
I did something no one expected me to do.
The rain fell down hard
and the mud grabbed at my bare feet and ankles.
I picked a deep place
on the side of a hill
that was vacant of trees and brush.
A wild fire had burned the hillside hollow
and it remained that way.
I thought the location was appropriate.
Once the hole was up to my hips
and the skirts of my summer dress ruined,
I threw in every last bit of you
with such violence and rage that it scared me a little.
I buried you furiously,
letting blood run down my arms,
and mud splatter onto my face.
When the earth returned to indifference,
and not a soul could see anything odd about the hillside,
I dragged the shovel behind me,
humming the sweet lyrics of our song.
I killed us.
Toothpick DemonsI don’t understand myselfToothpick Demons2 months ago in Free Verse More Like This
What are these feelings?
Sensations of the soul
Or fractures in my mind?
Even Scrooge said but a toothpick can summon demons
Perhaps it’s that and nothing more
As the raven agreed
Madness or confusion
I know not which
Love or hopefulness
I wouldn’t know
Fixated or obsessed?
Infatuated or depressed?
Lonely, that’s for sure
I don’t see an open door
Closed out, locked up
It’s all just kid stuff
Maybe I’ll grow up tomorrow
Forget this childish sorrow
What’s there to cry over
When you don’t even understand?
Your own self and the things gnawing away
Bringing my soul to decay
Love me back or hate me forever
I can’t shake the feelings
How would I even sever
You from my life?
I could wait it out
You’ll move on before I
Then maybe I will, too
But I fear my own thoughts
Those toothpick demons
Without you, will they die
Or will they multiply?
I’m so afraid and I
Don’t even understand why
shooting starThe space betweenshooting star2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
each star is a tragedy
waiting to happen --
and you fall
from the sky
all too easily.
Believing in a Perfect LieI'm happy for you.Believing in a Perfect Lie4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I'm glad you're finally happy
After all the suffering
I've been told I've put you through.
But you just don't seem to get
That you make me sick.
I have no feeling for you,
Because the person I knew
Changed and morphed.
I'll never see him again.
But the feelings that you made me have-
The ones of guilt, pain, worthlessness, longing -
That is what drives me to it.
The way you talked to me
When you said "you have no friends"
And the way you laughed
When I'm not there
You call her your baby.
Fine by me.
Just get one thing straight.
You will never hear from me again.
So quit your playing
And start realizing
How much you tear me apart when you ask me how I'm doing,
Then walk away.
There's a lie in every belief.
You were the lie
In my belief that maybe,
I had a chance to fall in love
And have that perfect relationship.
I was the cog in the machine
That prevented my heart from seeing who really stood around me.
Blindness in a crowd is acceptable.
Before I Fall Why?Before I Fall4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Why did you do that?
I thought you didn't care
You TOLD me that you didn't
Give a damn anymore.
That you wouldn't help,
As if you were
Trying to help me in the first place.
You never listened.
You really don't get it, do you?
I waited for too long.
I was there for you EVERY NIGHT.
And all you did was shoot me down.
But you will NEVER see that.
You will never
Look into my eyes and see
The tears that I cried over you.
All of the thoughts
In my head
That you repressed
Because you wanted control.
I AM NOTHING TO YOU.
So why did you have to do that?
I thought all contact was severed
I thought that you had completely blocked up yourself
Just like my ribs
Are caging up my heart.
Just like I thought I knew who you were,
I guess I was wrong.
Please don't drag me into this again
You've done enough.
I'm standing on the edge,
What more do you want?
I can't be pushed any farther
Forever isn't just a word.There's a word known as 'forever'Forever isn't just a word.4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
it's incredibly clever
because such people never
mean it the way I do
love is such a treasure
just seeing you is pleasure
no such ruler could measure
the way I feel for you
forever is a long while
you don't mean it, however, I'll
tell you this to make you smile
"Baby, you know it's true"
But sadly you don't love me
or love me as much nearly
but if you could see clearly
I'd cross the world for you
Please Wake Me UpThe voices are back as I sleep.Please Wake Me Up4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
They whisper my name, begging for my attention.
But my body is paralyzed,
And a weight sits on my chest.
Please wake me up.
I feel their presence get closer
As the whispering gets louder.
Soon they are laughing,
Laughing at the failure I've become.
Please wake me up.
Their icy fingertips run the length of my neck.
And my heart pounds in my chest.
Nothing I can do can make them
I am trapped in these sheets.
Please wake me up.
The pressure of their finger tips
Becomes too much for me to bear.
They push harder and harder
Until I'm sure they've broken the skin.
I'm finally able to break from them with the sound of
My own screams.
Please wake me up.
I gasp for air as my body flings upright.
"Get the fuck off of me!" I shriek.
"Are you okay?" you whisper.
And I suddenly remember where I am.
Your eyes are full of concern and all I can do is nod.
Please wake me up.
You tell me to go back to sleep,
But I am to
Her WorldShe lives in a world all of her ownHer World3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Of brilliant blues and dazzling greens
Sunshine more radiant than you could ever imagine
Sweet aromas of fresh flowers and
Strawberries lace the air
She speaks her own secret language
Broken sentences and mismatched syllables
Playful sing-songs and heartfelt tunes
She dances to her own beat
You will never understand the wonder
Of a bubble dancing in the breeze
Glistening pinks, purples and blues
There is nothing more beautiful to her
You will never battle the difficulties
Of not being able to say what enters your heart or mind
A prisoner of yourself
Trapped behind your own tongue
Choking on your words as you try to speak
And while she struggles
While each day is an uphill battle
In a war that will span a lifetime
You'll never see the world in all it's wonder
In all it's beauty
In all it's glory
As she does
So FarawayI long to hold you tightSo Faraway3 years ago in Songs & Lyrics More Like This
For you to bathe with me in your arms
As I cry
As you listen to those words I actually say
Can you hear this melody from far away?
In the twinkling night sky
I need you
I don't want to let go of you
Or the love for you
Of how much I care for you
But, I wish you could see
In the starry night
You're not far away
Holding me once again
To your warm chest
Where I feel so safe
Watch me as I walk
You'll be not far behind
Look as you see
Who I've come to be now
How I've changed
You may not think I'm perfect
But, I wish I could see in your eyes I'm perfect
The little girl you use to once hold
Where have you gone now?
Don't you care anymore?
I wish this memory would live on and on
Even if it is so far away
I'm living in a dark world
Yet in a crazy senseless fantasy
That won't be real
But, as I hear this melody
Smiling so proud at me
Patting me on the shoulder
Encouraging me every step of the way
Always their for me
Every waking hour
Like a dream
In the starry
EndlessI wish we could always stay in this moment,Endless4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Right here in this place
Where time stands still
And slowly moves in circles around us.
Underneath my hand,
I can feel his heartbeat, a steady drum,
Faint, but strong enough to bring a smile to my face.
These are times when I never have to worry
About what could be in his head,
What amazing thoughts could be rolling around in there.
Time after time,
I can feel us perfectly in sync.
We can talk about things as insignificant as the weather,
Yet as wonderful and thoughtful as life itself.
But nothing is as simple, as good,
As being able to enjoy our time together.
We seem to fit our hands so easily together,
Enjoying every touch like it's the first time.
A Different PerspectiveI ask you how a knife feels as it digs into a man's heart.A Different Perspective3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Does it shy away from the pain it inflicts,
is it sickened by the sight of the blood?
Or does it long to sink deep into his chest,
down to the bone handled grip?
(You reply that it doesn't feel either way,
whether a knife wants it or not a man dies today.)
I ask you if your shoe is tired, for its growing old.
Does the pain of being crushed by your feet
take rest and resonate deep in its sole?
Or does it love the honor of being used by you,
and willing to keep making your footprints.
(You say it's meant to be stepped on, it's a shoe
it doesn't have feelings like me or you)
I ask you how your pillow feels this morning.
Is it tired because you kept it up with your nightmares,
your endless tossing and turning.
Or does it feel loved as you grip it tight
and hug it deep into the middle of the night.
(You tell me your pillow is doing okay
but it's only a pillow so it doesn't matter anyway.)
I ask you if a judge's hammer regrets what i
DesicionsDecisions... my decisionsDesicions4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
what I have done...
What I have said...
.. Or shouldn't have...
you mess up.
you screw up.
you make mistakes.
to do well..
... or horribly.
They are... to you..
.. and everyone else.
HauntedForever I will be haunted.Haunted4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
And always reminded.
Of the way you talked.
The way we walked.
Of the way you looked at me.
And how I was the only girl you see.
Of they way you held me.
And never left me be.
Of those gorgeous eyes.
hoping to never hear any goodbyes.
Of that beautiful smile.
And how we would laugh for a little while.
Of your personality.
And I'll always be reminded.
Because your gone, and I'm forever haunted....
Ghosts of MelodyThe drag created in my veinsGhosts of Melody4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
slows the music to an unsteady crawl
A song of hope brings a sneer to my face
Bittersweet is the only music I can taste
Ghosts of emotions past haunt this sound
and this sound sticks with me
I can't see your faces in my mind,
but I can feel your souls all the time
All manner of creatures come into my being,
with one end result:
This is the only return I can feel
I beg, borrow, or steal when I can
All things end with my empty hands
I was wrong...I was wrong to writeI was wrong...4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
the last letter to the air.
I fly searching for it
to prevent you from reading it
I can't muse, I just can't. I still love you. I can't be with someone else. I really want to keep going onwards. I don't want to live hoping by yours "I love you", yours "I miss you", or yours "I want to see you". Why are you not letting me move forward? Do you love me? Tell me, you don't love me, hit me. We already had a bunch of talks. You already destroyed what you had to destroy. My hand aches while I am writing this. Go ahead, just say it; you already said it so many times. Yes or no, act like it and get away from me, leave me alone, let me fall in love.
If you don't want me to fall in love, if you want me to love you, tell me, but do not play with me. I can't anymore. It hurts to have my mind still stuck on you. Is it not? Good, because I did not want it to. I gave you all; at least that is what I thought. In reality I didn't, there is still love for you. If you want i
Can't reach backPay me no mind, I'll just rest and die,Can't reach back4 years ago in Songs & Lyrics More Like This
life can't rewind so why should I try?
I set my life in stone, engraved forever,
permanently alone and no hope to get better,
No change of weather, can't weather the storm,
this torrent's been raging since the day I was born,
endlessly misinformed from the start to today,
with a broken heartless hole replaced by pain,
Nothing to gain, with everything to lose,
mental state collapsing due to years of abuse,
left so confused and alone it seems like forever
I've been a man turned to stone due to the weather,
Pay me no mind please turn your eye,
don't waste your time just let me die,
I'm sorry to disappoint you, but all your effort's wasted,
I'm too lost and confused due to so much hatred,
You try to reach out, I couldn't hope to reach back,
I freaked out before and I'm sure to relapse,
while time elapses I'm trapped in my head again,
my reactions have gone passive 'cause of how long it's been,
I see your hand right in front of my face,
offering to gu