Hell Doesn't Even KnowI want to cry so much...
Maybe I'm happy,
Maybe I'm sad.
I feel so alone,
Yet I've been with people all day.
I feel so unloved,
Yet I know I have people who love me.
I can't talk about these feelings.
I can't open up when the door is locked.
And the key is lost.
I want to inspire,
But I just recieve empathy.
I want to die,
But I keep on breathing.
I feel so confused, lost and all alone.
The feelings inside me are too strong for my body.
I don't want someone to understand.
I want someone to give me the answers to why I am like this.
And a solution to fix the massacre inside me...
I don't know who I am anymore.I don't know who I am anymore.I don't know who I am anymore.3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
A person who wants to kill herself.
But wants to cry and then wants to laugh.
Who makes a joke about cutting.
But then gets triggered by the word cut.
Who over analysises ever thing.
Who dreams pathetic dreams.
Who hasn't got the courage to do anything.
Who disobeys her plan not to talk about her feelings.
Who gets so jealous if others have it worse off.
That's why she complains.
But she shouldn't. Complaining stops her being the worst off.
She planned to give up on love.
But couldn't even do that.
Who can control her anger.
But doesn't want to because it pains her soul.
She planned to commit suicide.
But she probably won't have the guts.
Who freaks out, reseaching about bipolar.
Who doesn't care about anyone.
And if she does she's helpless and worried and scared.
Who wished to be reckless and stupid in ways to get way.
But everything she does just makes it harder eacher day.
SanctuarySanctuary, this place that I find in only one place.Sanctuary3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Yet the torment of the world still reaches me there
Their words do not matter.
But the way they watch drives me crazy
This Sanctuary I find alone
Brings peace to my soul
As it rips and tears through my flesh.
Oh Beautiful Sanctuary.
We Are/You Aren'tWe are the unwanted, the brokenWe Are/You Aren't3 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
The ones you forgot about.
So don't be too surprised when we
Start to scream and shout.
We are the living, the dying
The ones you all put down.
But you'll know who we are when we
Run this goddamn town.
We are the corpses, the maggots
The ones you all despise.
But you'll be the ones scared when we
Expose all your lies.
We are the hunted, the lost
The ones you all spurn.
But you'll cry for our help when we
Leave you all to burn.
We are the losers, the winners
The ones that you deny.
But you'll be the ones damned when we
Hear the angels cry.
Help MeI'm lost in this hollow placeHelp Me3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
This frame I live in can only hold me up for so long
I'm breaking inside and I'm falling apart
Is no one here to hear my silent cries?
I want to escape from this place
And the only way out isn't a choice
The doors are locked the key is lost
I can't see
The darkness is overwhelming
My only sanctuary is when I have lost myself
Far away on a dirt path leading to nowhere
Where the trees change colors and talk to me
And there is nothing I can do
This road is going downhill
And I can't seem to run fast enough
I'm falling to fast
And there is no one to catch me
I'm losing myself
This time I can only go so far.
Behind the MaskFor a while now,Behind the Mask3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
There's been a mask.
A mask to over my face,
So people wont see the real me.
Wont see how broken I am.
How broken my life is.
There was one day,
That I thought it was the right time to let go of my mask.
My security blanket.
I let myself feel.
I let myself care.
I let myself get hurt.
I've learned to much,
To be this stupid.
I guess old habits die hard.
Maybe one day I'll actually be happy,
And not wear my mask to cover it all up.
I hate myself.I hate myself.I hate myself.3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Mainly for confiding in her.
Everyone says to talk.
But I use it to be mean.
I feel like I have to be depressed all the time.
When actually I'll do better if they don't know.
I feel sick.
So sick because I hate myself so much.
I don't know what I'm doing.
I don't know what plan I'm following in my head...
It's best I go to bed...
AloneI walk through all the hard timesAlone4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
hiding the pain and sorrow I feel
No one understands
Everything is going numb a feeling I can't explain.
I walk alone, heart empty
For no reason at all
Constantly fighting myself again and again
to understand why.
Everyone is so stressed too busy to understand
No time to talk
So many friends hurting inside
To afraid to let it out
Don't want to let the walls down
But eventually we all break down.
I walk alone through the memories which I have pushed away
Playing the moments I wish I could fix.
I can't do anything just right
There is always a flaw
I'm one big mistake
If I could I would erase myself
So I wouldn't have to live with this fear.
I walk alone down the forest path
Staring into the river I look at myself
Disappointed at the person I see.
I sit alone thinking about the things I've done.
How long will I be alone until I fade away?
fast-forward through the goodbyesthis is the beginning of the endfast-forward through the goodbyes3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
“i know you,” he says.
and he looks defeated, he looks sad, he looks like
he's a boy who may one day realize how much
he cares for you, so you cut him off and say,
“minus all the secrets i don’t tell anyone.”
“well, yeah, minus those.”
“then you don’t know me at all.”
and then you tell him,
i love you. but you don’t use those words
because those are taboo. are jinxed.
are knock on wood three times fast.
instead you press him in a hug and say,
i’m sorry, knowing he won’t understand
that this is the first time you ever cared for something
enough to try and fix it after you hurt it.
you hope he doesn’t ever realize what you’re saying
and his response will always be ‘what for?’ because
if he figures out he loves you nothing changes.
he’s just going to be in love with a corpse, a memory,
a pair of trigger happy hands,
UselessI'm a cutterUseless3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
That's all I'll ever be
Once you've learnt that
Defining fact about me.
You'll call me mad
Assume that I'm sad
And that I want
You'll check my arms
Only matters if you can see
But I can hide them
All over me.
You'll think I'm sick
Sick in the head
And that makes me feel
Like I want to be dead.
I don't do it
I don't do it
For a mention
I don't do it
I do it because of
That it's cast over me.
Forgetful MeI've forgotten who I amForgetful Me3 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
Like a shadow in the night
Lost in an ocean of darkness
Until someone shines the light
Can you please help me search?
For a forgotten past
I long to be myself again
This is happening all too fast
I've forgotten who I am
Like a light in a deep mist
I’m too far out of reach
Yet I’m still within your midst
Can you please rescue me?
Bring back life to a dead mind
The doctors say it's all over
We're running out of time
I've forgotten who I am
Or how you used to feel
Your touch is now replaced
With a pain that's all too real
Can you please help me remember?
Tell me how, why or when
Then I can finally be at peace
With whom I've always been
A place to lay my headSo far I have traveledA place to lay my head3 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
So much blood has been shed
but all I'm really after is
A place to lay my head
The weather is frightful
and the roads plagued with danger
I failed to add to a solution
Completely driven by my anger
But I am not the same
I'm not the man i was before
I promise to have changed
no longer living by the sword
If I can not convince you,
Allow me just one full night of peace
Just a mattress and a cover
and maybe a little something to eat
For tomorrow is a new day
"A warrior's nightmare", my father said
"As every day is a new journey for
A place to lay your head."
I KnowI know what you really think of meI Know3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I know you want me gone
I know whenever my mouth opens you cringe
I know you think I’m stupid
I know you wish I would die
I know people hate me
I know I’m really stupid
I know I don’t get you
I know you don’t get me
I know you wish we really never met
And I’m sorry...
I will remember for youDo you remember;I will remember for you3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
It was September and I was seventeen.
I was gnarled into the corner of a bus
Mithering away at my gloomy mood;
Trying to shake the oppressive landscape in my mind.
It was unexpected.
It was unexpected to see you there.
You were folded primly onto a bus shelters seat
With her hand enveloped in yours
You both lifted your other hands, synchronised,
And waved to me with your familiar smiles.
I was surprised.
I was surprised to see you there.
Your grey hat tipped so rain slipped off
And her glasses whitening with the steam of her laugh
I just looked at you, gluttonous,
I absorbed every detail of that moment.
It was unexpected.
It was unexpected to see you there.
But there you were nonetheless,
Eighty years old, clasping hands awaiting a bus
My eyes leaked they were overfull of the sight
Of two people, quietly, silently in love.
I was surprised.
I was surprised to see you there
I'll Make My Own WayBiting my lips until they bleedI'll Make My Own Way3 years ago in Songs & Lyrics More Like This
Because there's no one here to kiss them
Sat in the dark because no one needs me with them
Trapped in a cold, dark padded cell
It's meant to be a refuge but it feels like hell
I need the key but I don't even know if there is one
You said it would be easier than this
I don't deserve any of this
Please can someone take me far away from this
Before there's nothing left of me
Because it's just me now
No one else to hold me tight
I'll sing the lullabies to myself
To help me get through the night
And if someone else comes along
To take me out of this place
I'll welcome them with open arms
And a smile upon my face
But don't think for a second that I'll trust you
I've been deceived far too much
I've learnt how to read the hidden signs
Of a lying man's touch
So give me the key out of here
And I'll escape, run so far away
But I won't want anyone else with me
I'll make my own way
Dreaming of those future days
Where freedom will come find me
I'll run away even if th
SadnessSadness had always been an active resident in the places I had lived.Sadness3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
It swelled and breathed and scented the breeze like the dying petals of spring,
floating through open windowpanes and settling like dust on the empty shelves.
Sometimes it just appeared without visible entry like the cobwebs that roost in those corners you had thought so clean just a day ago. Or it unraveled in the morning dew and graced the cold spring skies, scattered like hundreds of wandering stars only visible in the light of a window.
It would melt into my morning tea, cooling the little tornadoes of cream and sugar that spun around my spoon and it would pass behind my pupils as I stood before the bathroom mirror.
I could hear it at night like an insect, clicking across my skull, etching tallies in the walls like a prisoner counting the days without the sun.
Sadness swelled and breathed and surrounded me until I was certain that it was simply a part of my being; the part as close to myself as my skin and my bon
AnxietiesHands over ears, screams hide the tearsAnxieties3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Like monsters, they stand around, eerie and cruel
Grotesque and uncontrolled
They drive me to the point of collapse
So I do.
I’m the ground
I shake and tremble and tear everything down
I am the ground
I don’t understand how anyone stays around me
When I’m like this
I’m like a stone
Rolling out of control
Loud and predictable, we all know where I’m going
Down, as sure as water, I will fall
And as a boulder, I will tear down everything in my path
Alone in this world.Are you okay?Alone in this world.3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Yes, I am.
Are you afraid?
Yes, I am.
Will you ever be afraid of nothing?
Will you ever be completely happy?
Someday all your feelings will stop roughing
All of them are becoming scrappy.
Being okay is not what it seems
"okay" is a word of sloth
it may be a word of dreams
but mostly it's a word of both.
Sadness and reclusion.
Sinking aloneGasping for every breathe I take,Sinking alone3 years ago in Concrete Poetry More Like This
Dreading all the mistakes I'll make,
I hope I do everything right
I don't want to lose this fight.
Each bad choice takes me away,
And every time I fade away.
I lose myself in this mess,
And sometimes I could care less.
Life goes on, I watch it go,
Some things I can't change, I know.
I try to hold on to every chance I get,
But I can't do it all, my time is set.
I must give up some things I would like
To look at things to live my life right
I don't care if you like what I choose,
Because in the end, I've got nothing to lose.
Am IAm I invisible?Am I3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Because you ignore me,
Am I that shadow on the ground?
Because you're walking over me.
Am I camouflaged?
Because you deliberately turn your back on me,
Am I alive?
Because you act as though I don't exist.
Am I dead?
Because you look at me as though I'm a spirit,
Am I just a colour?
Because you judge me as though I am.
Am I unwanted?
Because you make me feel that way.
Am I just a fish in the sea?
Because you caught me, but then you let go.
The colour of my skin doesn't defy the person inside,
Whether I'm Brown, Black, Yellow or White;
The words you use to hurt me,
Cannot take away my pride.
Like BreathingYour Kiss..Like Breathing3 years ago in Concrete Poetry More Like This
One is just not enough
For it puts me in a rare bliss
Going without it, is just so rough
For every time I see you
I just want to kiss you, its just so hard to resist
Because its all I want to do
For that one time we had kissed...
Was like a drug, so addicting
But also like breathing so natural
Why is it so contradicting
I just hope these feelings are mutual
For all I want now is your kiss
Delete NonetI like to delete parts of my life.Delete Nonet3 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
Memory here, an item there.
Fade them away to darkness.
Making room for the light.
The past can’t hold me.
I’m letting go.
In The Darkness...In the DarknessIn The Darkness...3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I can see You...
As if You were beside me
and had never let me go...
Even when I close my eyes
at night, You are there...
But I know you are holding and
being held by someone else now...
And it kills me,
every single time...
The heart wrenching tears that I cry,
should at least blur my vision of You...
To deter or hide away,
Your haunting beauty...
But they do not and
I carry on suffering...
I cover my shuttered eye lids
with the palms of my hands...
As if to deny,
all possible light...
I grind the heals into them,
but I start seeing bright stars...
And alas, You're still here
torturing me sadistically...
I scream in anguish,
but no one dares care...
As if in silence, a pain
only I can bear...
Desperately, I take my sharpened quill
and plunge it into my eyes...
Leaving only bare sockets to remain,
on my pride-less blood stained face...
Now blind and truly in Darkness,
I find my mind continues to see You...
There's no escape, no relief
and I am Forever Yours.....
Please Kindly Leave My Brain"LEAVE ME ALONE!"Please Kindly Leave My Brain3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
That's what I want to say.
I don't mean it.
I need you.
That's what I say.
I don't mean it.
I'm dying from the inside out.
Feel like shit... again...
"I'm just not hungry,"
Which is true. But with a deeper meaning...
I'll starve my body into death.
"I'm sure I'll live,"
Please don't say that.
What if your not sure?
You die. I die.
That's the situation.
How can I be happy, If I know you're not?
I need you're hugs too much...
Pretty Little PillsLittle pills, happy pillsPretty Little Pills3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Take them once a day.
Little pills, purple pills
Send all the pain away
Little pills, pretty pills
Make me happy and bright
Little pills, sleepy pills
Help me sleep at night
Little pills, stupid pills
Hurry up and work
Little pills, little pills
The monsters, they still lurk
Little pills, needed pills
You have one last job to do
Little pills, death by pills
Send me somewhere new
Little pills, all the pills
Swallow them all together
Little pills, pretty little pills
Send me to sleep forever