Do you ever wish
you could fade into the background,
where the world couldn't see you,
where you didn't have to make a sound?

Do you ever cry
because you don't know who you are,
don't know why your here,
don't want to stay, want to run far?

Do you ever cut,
tear your skin apart,
let the blood drip,
waiting for death to start?

If you do,
turn back now,run,
get help,
find your life, your sun.

Don't,
end up like me,
Empty and hopeless,
through the darkness,unable to see.

Please,
love who you are,
or end up like me,
with help so very far.

you keep me going in life
the reason i turn at night
you give me purpose to live
and make me feel alive
I love you for what i am not
and hate myself for what i have got
there's not a time of day
when you don't take my breath away
when i look into your eyes
thoughts of love flood my mind
and override my sense of life

my love for you is my life
a love that will never die
so strong that i can't breathe
it has taken over me

you keep me company in life
so i never feel denied
i fall into a daze
every time i hear your name
i would give up everything in life
just for you not to cry
i wouldn't forgive myself
if i broke your heart

my love for you is my life
a love that will never die
so strong that i can't breathe
it has taken over me

The grass is green
On neither side.
Both are yellowed.
I try to hide.

But they fight for me.
They scream and shout.
I search and fight,
Fight for a way out.

But the grasses surround.
I can't be free.
Let me go!
Is death the key?

Will i find escape,
In pills or a knife?
Or will they bring me back?
My efforts ending in strife.

It's worth a shot.
I'll do anything to be free.
I don't want to live like this.
I'm putting an end to me.

Why do you do all of this
You stain your wrists
You cry all the damn time
You slip when you try to climb

You're in all this pain
Putting that blade to a vein
You dig it in, but not too deep
For now, that price is too steep

But will the day eventually come
A day when you are so very numb
That the price isn't too high
And you give up the will to try

God forbid that day should arrive
I want you to be happy and alive
Yet I freak out when you aren't there
Don't make me feel loss and despair

We hold up our heads and look so strong,
But I am certain we are not what we seem:
We are nothing but breakable bodies
And far too fragile dreams.
With frail paper skin soaked with ink,
And bones just made of glass;
Cracked with every single hope
That does not come to pass.

Letter To Alice In Wonderland


<sub>Hey, I think I have some explaining to do,
I know it's been a long time - hell, it's been years -
since the last time you wanted to look upon my face,
before it changed and became so cruel.

Hey, maybe you don't know yet, but
for all the good it did me, I really did love you,
and not for a second doubt that none was true,
for proof, go count my every cut.

And that's the reason I had to get out,
you were bad for me, driving me blind,
as I was fighting two addictions entwined,
that's the main reason, it's the main shout.

When he came around, I saw a ray of sunlight,
but you always made me ooze with gloom,
I longed for his touches, to escape my doom,
it's not your fault, it was love at first sight.

He was unreachable, you no longer my muse,
he a shiny new toy, when I knew just how you tick,
and I started building up my walls, brick by icy brick,
shutting you out, lighting a new love fuse.

Don't misunderstand, you did nothing wrong,
it was the wrong place, wrong time, hormones raging,
no place for soft-hearted souls, bipolarity engaging,
feelings always way too feeble or too strong.

And don't you tell me that it would bug you just as much
if I was standing in your place and you in mine,
that if you broke a persons heart you'd draw the line,
and never cross it, like I did to re-experience your touch.

I know that it was wrong, but I did what I did,
I was in a dark place, baby, not knowing where to turn,
just wanted to make a change, make the pain of the past burn,
I should have locked myself somewhere, surely you agree?

I didn't delete you, I don't take you for a fool,
in the end you're still my friend with memories we shared,
I know you loved me more than he ever, ever cared,
but you're the girl, and that's boy number 2 to you...</sub>

I have placed you, frozen, away;
Where time is of no consequence.
Do you not see the pains I've taken
To remember you as you were?

I've boiled the universe down -
I've torn my hair and mended shrouds.
How long should I scream your name,
Knowing you will not answer?

I've traversed the roughest of seas
And each shore, I have found lacking.
Have you ruined me completely?
Can the calm not suffice?

The words aren't coming, they just aren't there!
My fingers are tapping but the paper is bare.

I'm wracking my brain, hoping to find,
Some small little snippet or inspirational line.

But oh to my woe and despair I have found
All my words and phrases are nowhere around!

My muse has run off, my characters gone
On a far off vacation, somewhere in the sun.

I'm not quite sure where, but one thing is clear
Wherever they are that wherever's not here!

So I sit and despair and lament my woe,
I've nowhere to look and nowhere to go!

Without my cast, director and script,
This night is a bust, a real sinking ship.

I wish you'd come back, you darn little things
You've stranded your Author, now a bird without wings.

But one thing is true, despair awaits when you return
‘Cause you can't stay gone forever...
And now I'm too tired to rhyme the end.

Hatefully yours,
The tired Author

Soaked cheeks
Heavy sobs
Two booming voices
Turn to dead silence.

A sleepless night
Worried friends
A comforting cuddle
A reassuring text.

One sided conversations
Picture and no sound
A unspoken apology
A turn around.

A conversation
Even a smile
Normality is back
May it stay a while.

I want to know the story of my life
I want the ghosts disappear from my head
I want to hear the truth from the mouths of my family

I need to find the key to close the door of nightmare
the weight is too heavy for me
I want to turn the page and forget the past

I want to be a girl like others
it is the image of my dream