BetterThings are getting better... and it makes me happy.... but today I almost shanked some people. As you may have seen in my recent posts, a good friend of mine recently killed herself... and people at lunch today were like "omg, did you hear about that girl from West Fargo High that killed herself? Gosh that's just so stupid, what kind of horrible person could do that?" and I literally looked up and glared at them and just said "Don't talk about it." And then in Econ the class was talking about it and they (including the teacher!) were all "ya, some chic committed suicide again." and were talking about it... and my friend was just looking at me and I was, believe it or not, tearing up and began crying.... eventually she got the teacher's attention and I told them she was my friend.... the looks on their faces almost made up for it.... almost.... but other than that things have been getting better in general... I think... maybe... we'll see...
"We come to love not by f
Still Missing YouStill Missing You1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
I thought I was past this,
That I was done feeling this way.
But why is it you that I still miss
And think about some days.
It appears you have moved on,
And I thought I did too.
I'm trying to be strong
And figure out what to do.
But I can't stop thinking about it,
Can't help but remember all the fun we had.
A possibility inside my mind has been lit,
And this idea has been driving me mad.
Could there still be a chance for us?
Could we start it up again?
I don't want to leave what we had in the dust,
So what does this mean for us then?
Maybe I should just come right out
And say what has been on my thoughts.
What happened has made me doubt
What I originally thought were my wants.
I miss you.
I miss us.
With these thoughts, I'm not sure what to do.
And I don't know who else to trust.
I can't just go up to my friends and say this,
What would they think about my choices now?
But I can't help what I feel and miss.
I'm still trying to figure out how!
I mean, how can this happen?
How can this
Storm ChaserI’ve been chasing this storm for miles,Storm Chaser4 months ago in Free Verse More Like This
Not yet ready to let its beauty escape me.
Caught up in the power and grace
As it makes its own path, totally free.
I’m miles from home in a deserted field
Sitting on the hood with my camera and notebook.
After making my initial observations
I couldn’t let it get away, I was hooked.
I followed the storm everywhere
Too afraid to let it go on alone.
But as it continues to run from me,
I follow it farther and farther from home.
It strays further and further down the road,
And I watch as fear wells up inside.
Am I destined to follow this storm forever,
Chasing it as it wanders far and wide?
I’ve spent the last year thinking this,
But maybe it’s time I let it go.
As scary as it may be, I can’t hold on to this.
It doesn’t love me back, this I know.
I pack up my bags and get in my car,
Turning on the music as I turn around.
My fear subsides as I travel farther away
Down the road, finally homeward bound.
On The OutsideLately it’s been hard to findOn The Outside6 months ago in Free Verse More Like This
A reason to smile.
Day in and day out I am blind
To the joy that appears once in a while.
Nothing appears to me
To be exciting or blissful.
There is nothing that is worthy,
And so instead I remain wishful.
On the outside I appear awed
And smiling all the time.
In reality, it’s just a façade
While the truth remains sublime.
But every once in a while,
When the time and place is right,
My entire soul seems to really smile
And I know everything will be alright.
Unspoken ApologyYour poetry is clear like a still pond,Unspoken Apology5 months ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
Pushing me along in unseen currents.
It clenches my soul tightly in its bonds
So quietly it makes no disturbance.
The stillness I see contradicts my mind,
Which is full of words left unsaid to you.
Without my own currents, I fall behind;
Sink to the bottom, unsure what to do.
How can it be so difficult to say?
I am sorry; words that look effortless.
Try to tell you when I see you each day,
But all my failed attempts turn out useless.
One day, I will find the courage and heart
To tell you why you and me fell apart.
Another LifePeople say we are perfect for one another,Another Life5 months ago in Free Verse More Like This
Unaware of how it simply will never be.
It’s true that we share a special connection,
But it simply couldn’t work out between you and me.
Maybe in another life it would be different
And we’d both be happier and smiling.
We’d be inseparable and so into each other,
Every moment would feel like we were flying.
In another life it might work out alright,
But it simply can’t be in this one.
It’s not that kind of thing, we’re just friends.
We smile at the thought, but reality sets in and we’re done.
In this life it’s not possible to be more,
This is as far as our relationship can go.
With this concluding thought,
A small part of me fills up with woe.
This is how life is, no changing it;
It’s just not meant to be that way.
No use thinking or dwelling on it,
This is how it must remain at the end of the day.
Maybe in another life we could be,
But it’s just not meant to be in this one.
Wondering and WaitingWe search and search, is there anything to find?Wondering and Waiting2 months ago in Free Verse More Like This
Staring into the void that is the world, pondering life.
What does it all mean? What does it hold?
We search and search, looking for an answer.
Staring at our reflection, questioning our purpose.
Why am I here? Where is my place?
People spend their lives adventuring, seeking the answers to life.
After a while, one can’t help but begin to wonder…
Will they ever find it? Is there actually an answer?
No one can know, the truths have yet to be unveiled.
And yet people search far and wide, transcending time and culture.
They remain convinced they can unearth the truth.
I will leave the searching and adventuring up too them
And keep on gazing into the star lit sky, immersed in my own thoughts.
Some truths you have to seek, but others will reveal themselves if you listen close enough.
So here I shall remain, patient and understanding,
Awaiting my turn to see the truth and purpose of my life.
Until then, here I shall remain, quietly
Let It GoLet go of this madness, are you insane?Let It Go4 months ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
All you are doing is hurting yourself,
Creating a fortune; pain is your wealth.
All these dreams and hopes you keep are in vain.
they are never going to bring you joy.
Days like today bring you back to square one.
See the mess he makes, what you have become;
STOP letting him play you like a child's toy.
It is time for you to truly let go
and to start living your life once again.
Remember what you did and where you've been;
It's YOU who made the flower bloom and grow.
Go to the rock; don't let him take you back.
Remember who you gained, NOT who you lack.
Only Fooling MyselfOnly Fooling Myself1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
Who am I kidding,
It's not gonna turn out.
I mean, what was I thinking?
My idiocy makes me want to shout.
I want to make things like they were,
But now I see that will never happen.
Of his choice, he is so sure.
And my thoughts now flattened.
I still wish I could go back,
Maybe change how it all went down.
Now the past is colored in shades of grey and black,
I must forget, bury everything deep inside the ground.
I'm only hurting myself
By thinking I could make things right.
But this is all just damaging to oneself,
Because nothing can change it, try as I might.
Let's be honest here,
You have moved on to bigger and better things.
Despite all my fear,
I just have to go with what life brings.
It's time to face the fact,
Nothing I say or do will change how he acts.
The only way to stop him from hurting himself
Is for me to suck it up and finally quit fooling myself.
Your HappinessYour Happiness1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
How can you worry yourself like you do?
Dealing with burdens that aren't supposed to fall to you.
Why do you blame yourself for everything?
Sadness and worry are all that brings.
You have to learn to live for yourself,
To take your own feelings and desires off the shelf.
Don't worry about me,
You being happy is all I want to see.
So don't waste this precious gift of life,
Move onward and upward away from all this strife.
You only get one shot at this world,
So it's time for your wings to be unfurled.
Don't worry about controlling the rest of us,
And when things don't go well, don't lose trust.
Not everything in our short time here will work out,
But of what you need to do I have no doubt.
Follow your heart and make yourself happy
Because if you don't, your will just feel crappy.
Live your life for yourself,
And I will worry about myself.
Live your life for those who didn't have a chance,
And leave a possibility open for romance.
Not everyone gets to live to tomorrow,
So live your days
Inspired to Bring ChangeMy soul is on fire,Inspired to Bring Change10 months ago in Free Verse More Like This
Set ablaze by the Lord.
My heart is burning,
Kindled by the Holy Spirit.
It’s not about me,
It’s about what I can do.
This is about the we,
And what we must fight through.
I can’t change the world alone,
But united we can.
A new path has been shown,
And it’s time for us to take a stand.
Calming WatersCalming Waters1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
Let the calming waters flow,
Watering your heart and helping it grow.
Allow it to find all the cracks,
At your feet, see how it laps.
It is here to heal you soul,
To piece you back together and make you whole.
Reconcile all your troubles
And pick yourself up from the ruble.
Let the water overtake your being,
The soothing sensation is more than just freeing.
Let the calming waters flow,
Now sway with it to and fro.
Let the words now spoken
Help to repair what is broken.
Don't retreat from the water's advances,
Together we must each take our stances.
It is not wise for one to swim without a friend,
Like it or not, I'll be here until the end.
Together we can succumb to the water's healing,
And finally be at peace with what we were once feeling.
Little WhisperA little whisper floats in the breeze,Little Whisper2 months ago in Free Verse More Like This
Flying through the air with ease
And rustling through the crisp autumn leaves.
From my grasp the whisper hides and flees,
Refusing to settle down despite my pleas
Preferring to continue roaming discretely through the trees.
My body wants to chase it down immediately, but my mind disagrees.
So nstead I will lay against a trunk, staring out to the seas
I listen to the whisper and enjoying the gentle breeze.
My FriendsMy Friends1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
My friends are the best people I know.
They help me in times of need and doubt,
and know what life is really about.
They are the definition of awesome; you are my hero.
They know me better than I know myself,
and help me become the best I can be.
They make me open my eyes and see
that I cannot live my life sitting on a shelf.
Each and every time I see them, it's great.
They know how to make life super fun,
but also know when to get things done.
These are the people I could never hate.
We are together forever and never apart,
Perhaps in distance, but never truly at heart. <3
A Tree with Very Few BranchesWe spend our existance climbing a tree with very few branchesA Tree with Very Few Branches5 months ago in Free Verse More Like This
The first couple of steps are easy and natural
But eventually we must decide which direction to take
There is a simpler path with many more branches
Yet the other path will allow us to ascend higher
Both paths conclude somewhere
And to gain altitude means waiting for a twig to strengthen into a branch
So we wait
Knowing if we test the twig before it is ready it will break
And we may fall back to another level of the tree or to the ground
But still we wait
As time passes we watch as fruit is produced from this tree
Praying that no creature will devour it
But we watch helplessly as small insects slowly rot it from the inside out
Corrupting our perfection
Some try to climb out on the branch to hold on to the fruit
To cradle it in there arms, protecting it from the menaces of the tree
But one cannot hold on to the fruit forever
Eventually the fruit must be put down in order to ascend higher
The twig is now a branch
So onward we
The WeaknessMy overall weakness has been foundThe Weakness5 months ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
Loving one who can't love me back
Damaged again by life's viscious attack
Now in hopes and dreams I'm bound
I try repeatedly to move past love
But the feeling tends to stay around
Breaking a heart by making it pound
Holding me back with its taunting glove
Maybe love is not meant for me
A thought I'm always reminded of
According to God or whoever's above
Never shall I get the privilege to see
I am trapped in unending desire
Grasping on hope that can never be
All this life shall be cursed with plea
Watching love from behind a wire
I dream the same feeling in you could grow
But maybe it is better not to know
A Haiku on RealityIf I would tell youA Haiku on Reality5 months ago in Haiku & Eastern More Like This
The place you have in my heart
You would walk away
Can't Have ItYou can't have my heartCan't Have It4 months ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
You don't deserve it; he does.
Go. You blew your chance.
Identity CrisisI could never be one of those kids who have toIdentity Crisis5 months ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
Doll themselves up before
Everything they do
Not to mention
The things they put themselves through
Intelligence being something of
Youths becoming adults too fast
Children living their lives on street corners
Rifles in the faces of people crossing borders
Integrity falls from Fat Cat America
Society remains in a state of hysteria
I am an honest individual in a
School of conspirators.
Hidden FeelingsThe truth I shall cleverly conceal,Hidden Feelings4 months ago in Free Verse More Like This
Hidden between the lies about how I feel.
Problems; yet somehow I’m
Sugar CoatedEveryone refers to childhood as the easiest time of their lifeSugar Coated3 months ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
There were no bills to pay, no worries and no strife
But I don't remember mine being all that stress free
I don't really think that mine was all that it could be
I was born into a marriage that was pretty much arranged
It was only when they'd had enough that my life was finally changed
A weekend here a weekend there
Two homes they said but I didn't care
When I was eight I'd had enough
I said going between was just too tough
I said I can't stand the arguments I can't stand the fights
I said I'm only eight, and this ain't right
I cut all ties between my dad and me
At nine years old I was finally free
But it wasn't all good from there on out
That was just the start for me, I have no doubt
I knew of suicide before I learned the word
Staying up all night till the door closing I heard
Mum would go out on these really long drives
I knew she was depressed I could see it in her eyes
I would count all her tablets in case she took an
ErasedInspiration comes at random,Erased4 months ago in Free Verse More Like This
and is fleeting,
from the mind
and in the
of the story,
And so the life that had begun,
the tale that had been spun,
is erased forever
and the truth of love and life,
is lost forever.
Like the letter to you...
It went like this:
I want to tell you that ______
A Coat To The ColdEach day we see people in need of aid,A Coat To The Cold5 months ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
and then forget the change we might have made.
if we had stopped and sacrificed our pride-
instead of walking past, stayed alongside.
Never second-guess the thought of kindness,
or hold back from offering forgiveness.
In a heartbeat things can change completely,
and not often do the winds blow sweetly.
So try to always stop and say hello-
You never know how far your words will go.
Not every word will change somebody's life,
but they might help to mitigate their strife.
So give someone your coat if they are cold-
and change a life of pain to one of gold.
© Benjamin Court, July 2013
Ceiling Tiles... Maybe CancerThere was a guy...Ceiling Tiles... Maybe Cancer5 months ago in Free Verse More Like This
The walls were red.
I wanted to cry...
and then be dead.
I watched the rain...
it left its stain...
and then went away.
But still it lingers...
haunting my dermis,
underneath my fingers,
in my hot thermos.
My temperature is boiling over...
I am afraid rage might slip,
I'll get mad, moreover,
and then the shit will flip.
I'm not proud of who I am...
(But I guess I don't give a damn)*
*(But hey, my name is Sam.)
© Benjamin Court and mikethemiller, July 2013
MartyrPlease, if you are hurting,Martyr5 months ago in Free Verse More Like This
let me share your pain-
I will ease away your burden,
shield you from the rain.
Please, share with me your fears,
let me hold your hand.
I will wipe away your tears,
and show you how to stand.
Because deep down inside my brain,
I have hidden my own scars;
by helping you, I ease my pain.
and break free from prison bars.
Please, if you are hurting,
let me share your pain-
I will ease away your burden,
shield you from the rain.
© Benjamin Court, July 2013