All of Me in Four Partsi.
i want to dig the crevices of my heart clean,
wash it in a cool stream, hand it to you like it's new.
i'll stitch the broken seams and ignore the film over my eyes.
but i know that you would never accept that.
you want to run your fingers through the scars and solve the maze
you don't want just the good parts, or the masks, or the band aids.
you don't need the film that covers my eyes.
you want openness, a shared burden; you need a hiding place
there exists a certain kind of emptiness, a hunger,
that comes with thinking alone and breathing in dusty air.
it is bone deep and aching, a sickness that holds no remedy
but company; twined limbs, soft words, and Earl Grey.
the worst thing to be is alone. i am wrapped in soft fleece
over bony arms. cradling myself, it is almost enough.
hold my hand. we can't say we've never given anything.
freckles make a lovely pattern, tracing them with soft fingertips
a quiet smile is shared and that alone heals.
if this is a
Ribcage SonataI am the only one here who has died one thousand deaths by my own hand.Ribcage Sonata3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I read them like a hymnal,
burning my skin with assurances I don't really mean and God smiles down at me
as if I've done something right,
as if I've done some time for my sins.
I tell Him to live in my celiac plexus
just to get a taste of what He's molded.
He's a Cheshire-grinner, sipping a gin and tonic
next to me like He has no new appointments
and tells me to come home with Him.
I implored Him to become the wood-grain in the pew under my thighs.
He hummed and murmured that I was too fickle a congregant and would not stay sitting long enough.
He suggested that I should clasp my hands together and pray a little harder.
I countered, telling Him, "Become a woman and see how it is to be born of a Rib."
I sit at the pew and contemplate each
scar I have found upon my flesh and between
each sewn fingertip, and decided I was wrong.
I wanted Him to live in my sinuses; to whine and complain about each change in pres
Medicinal Shatteringmy grandfather is becoming more likeMedicinal Shattering2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
the hospital gown each day
between he and his life-partner is now
etched out in the trenches under their eyes
and i wonder
it will be
until they die
and take my father
my father whom
had just gotten used to
knowing his own father's
after twenty-five years of the
he uses on my sister
amazing how pain
Screaming EmphasisI lostScreaming Emphasis2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Thirteen pounds of anxiety this week.
Body melted, melted
fingers slipping chartreuse
I am full of slipping
chain-link gums give me lead poisoning
body, gums melted, chartreuse
I, toxic, lick lips neon green
Arsenic tongue dart to nails --
Dirt, dirt, dirt, more dirt --
and thighs stuck hot against plastic
I cannot hold a pen
CANnot write eloquence or beauty
Hand skitters through page
TALKing I need silence I need
need, need, need, more needing
crushed under necessity-
The spaces of my ribs are where
my skin hides its bruises
feel like stealing-
taking hunger into my breast
full of slipping,
I do not breathe but static
Anxiety in Morse Code
we do not-
what SPEAKS makes sense
we do not-
Thighs stuck hot to the seat beneath me
Bones in my aching hand quiver,
wrapped around archaic ideals
why do they touch why do they --
Click Playa tape clicks on. a girls voice filters in through the whirr.Click Play2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Did you hear that mommy? Daddy called me beautiful.
But aren't I beautiful mommy? You never told me so.
Daddy called me beautiful because I was thin.
And thin means happy, right?
He doesn't know what you know.
He doesn't know that I'm false-beauty.
Beauty made out of smiles and three fingers down your throat and-
The girl falls silent. the tape whirs on, then sound crackles through again.
Just keep telling me what else I did wrong.
the tape clicks off.
Chemical ResolveI still linger in that elegant space between your fingers and your mouth.Chemical Resolve3 years ago in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
And I'm shrewdly vulnerable, careening out expletives against your breath.
You never really figured me out, did you?
Couldn't ever get around this stone-cold, analytical gaze of mine,
dancing across each facial movement as though you were a line in a book.
But stones are never cold; you learned this by shoving my skin into them.
Stones bleed. Stones ache.
Do you ever murmur my name like I, yours?
Lips pursed oh-so-gently in that arrogant pout I used to love.
I hate you, I loathe you. You repel me.
My name grazes your teeth like my tongue almost did one day
like you wanted it to. My name, my name breathes fire dow
Quarters OnlyChildren knowQuarters Only2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
45 cent post; monetary love.
Distance aches, but only for those
who do not understand
the geography of parenthood.
No one understands.
No one breathes until
child support is sent
we can afford the oxygen.
Cut Time Dig sonatas into your thighsCut Time2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
knowing that they're never written
for you. The ones written
in the moonlight, reeking of lust
and a cacophony of dissonance,
are the ones your mind screams
bete noireA sugar pill the color of lemon,bete noire2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
You are a pitiful placebo of ignorance and false entitlement.
It is not necessary for us to be kind.
Burned by a hand I do not want,
Tongue pinned with words you deserve,
but I should not want to be the one to say.
Secure your feet upon backs that cannot take your load
Trample, trample, trample your dirt. Your
unrecognizable snarls morph into the eyes of a kicked dog.
You never admit you're wrong, never admit your fault.
The one wrong here is you.
You do not deserve her compassion.
It is raining apples colored by spring's arrival.
CachexiaYou think your best solution is to bury it.Cachexia2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
But this is one of those things that
takes root and grows and becomes
a grotesque thing in your garden
that all of your neighbors see
when you're begging for help.
Your solution is to chop it down.
But you're left with a stump,
a scar, something deeply
entwined in the earth of you.
It would leaving a gaping maw once removed.
You hire a gardener, get him to rend it
from you and it is painful.
He walks away with it and you feel
Somewhere, it is burned.
You are lost.
You do not know it has left a remnant
SupermassiveYou are not made of constellationsSupermassive2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
but your eyes capture the cosmos.
Your lip mouths the heavens over my collarbone.
I shudder, flesh raises into galaxies.
If you are not endless,
why, then, am I terrified?
star childand you, you will make something of yourself someday.star child3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
your eyes will remain bright with the streaks of colors
in them, your heart will never cease to skip a beat when
you look her in the eye and baby, your dreams will grow
bigger by the hour. your smile will still light up the room
long after you've lost your real teeth & misplaced the fake
ones. your mistakes won't define you and your hothot breath
will smooth over her sunken stomach like the sap that drips
from maple trees. you will listen to your father when he
tells you that winning isn't the most important thing &
you will believe him. your feet will hurt sometimes but
that's alright because your shoelaces will never come
undone, your fingers will stay stick-thin, your grandmother
will be proud to be your grandmother. you will stand up for
all the boys waiting to turn into men just like you are and
you will look in the mirror & actually like what you see
and believe me child, that is a greater gift than any.
Anger-fear, Midnight, Breathing SoupShe's no longer your skinny nightmare desire,Anger-fear, Midnight, Breathing Soup3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
and she watches with that unlaced smile
while half of her state burns and she grows scars.
She fell for the Indiana sun,
suspecting someday you might leave her
for air smelling of honeydew.
She chooses to bury herself in her bones.
Aesthetic angles found purchase between
her delicately splayed digits.
Coming down from the mountain air
feels like breathing soup,
drowning in the smog.
Her life is a euphemism for spring
of everything she's seen before returning.
Noting the spots where she's already died.
That's acid, not rain.
DysfunctionalThe constellation lady married highway man.Dysfunctional11 months ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
Migraine threadsI have a spiderweb splinter of a headache dilating my left eye;Migraine threads3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
it travels down my neck, stopping to rotate a firm
diamond of pain just beneath my earlobe.
It tightens in my shoulders, clawing and groaning past my scapula.
Here, I consist of all sharp angles and jagged edges
It clambers down the twelve stairs of my right ribs,
Perhaps it houses itself in my gut, waiting for the right moment
to spring and knead itself into my temples.
You've had to learn from my pain that I am not soft enough to hold
but once I've caught I'm permanent.
12. cyclicalmaybe a path of a thousand stars12. cyclical2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
could lead us to the other side of
but you are just too afraid to follow.
Remedies for a Curved Spine He touches me without my permission one more fucking time and he's losing his hand; he knows it, I see it in his eyes as I spit don't touch me and the room falls into tense, unsure silence. He tries to laugh it off, but his fingers don't cross that span between us. His friends aren't laughing. I know that it won't stop him forever.Remedies for a Curved Spine1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
The other day, on the ride home, my name draws my attention. I lift my head and fix the kid with a gaze that makes the beleaguering grin fall from his face.
I discovered what true power was.
There's a certain satisfaction in realizing that people are afraid of you, of your gaze, of the words that spill from your tongue in anger and defiance. There is power in sitting up and staring them in the eye when your name tumbles from their mouths in a clumsy, obnoxious sounding manner and watching as they rethink their course of action.
There's a strength in telling yourself yes, yes, go for the throat; it's the best tasting part.
SyncopationTrace theSyncopation3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
back like a
Eloquence Played In PairsI craveEloquence Played In Pairs2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
spring meadowsbroken breezes throb;spring meadows11 months ago in Haiku & Eastern More Like This
a slow smile and naked nights.
clouds of porcelain blush.
TaxidermyMake me wax and make me wireTaxidermy2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Burn the cables, burn the ties
Stitch quick, stitch sure
Glue falsity to my skin
Please spirit away the gore
Make my cheeks flush red
Give my eyes a sparkle
Make me a lie I can believe
TidesI tried to stop myselfTides2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
from being drawn to you
For a while I had forgotten
but then I spent a few hours with you
and they crushed all semblance of reality
like a fucking bug and I knew
then that I was hopelessly
dead-weighted underwater for you.
ChatterboxShoes chatter,Chatterbox11 months ago in Free Verse More Like This
they converse in skateparks
and rub rubbers
behind bike sheds.
clip and staccato
in stilettos in the office
as workers file in
the undeveloped shoe voices
as sole meets corridor
skidding into class.
Another day begins,
with the news of the night before
scuffed into the pavement
as shoes chatter.
Never Forget, Only ForgiveConscious,Never Forget, Only Forgive3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
The ground was always warm under my back
as you shattered my rib cage. The ribs smirk
groan, claw, bite. I frown, sullen
crying, sniffling. Sand grit crumble touch
nothing solid beneath fingertips. Screaming
I dissuaded myself from crying for you,
knowing, wherever you were, you didn't hear.
Blood beats an ethereal sound in black.
I remember your stapled fingers,
you looked me in the eye as you snapped.
The metal shone against crimson rivers
your six-year-old hand scarred by your own doing.
I forgave you then; you apologized in blood.
Knock my teeth out.
We'll exchange pleasantries about it
another time, laughing as you wipe the blood
from my mouth off of your hand.
I'll smile empty-toothed.
I forgave you then. I don't forgive you now.