Red ScreamsSmiling at me, shiny silver teeth
Begging my wrist
For one chaste
Grinning at me, that evil smirk
Making my heart pound
So sharp so
I know I
And really I
Arm’s too full of blood
From attempts to
Join the stars.
Photo album of
My diary of my
I am still
Phan - What You've BecomePhil's P.O.VPhan - What You've Become3 years ago in Scraps More Like This
I remembered as we sat there on the couch, Dan's eyes focused on the television, my eyes focused on him, how things used to be between us. We were the adorable couple everyone longed to be like. We had the cute, fluffy relationship that was usually only found in fairy tales or fanfictions. Life was going really well for us, for a while. And then it happened - the thing that made our relationship fall apart.
He hit me. Even to this day, I don't understand why he did it. But after it happened once, it was a recurring thing.
We'd been leaning against the railing of the stairs up to our flat the first time it happened. He had been feeling really, really down. I'd wanted to help him, because we were a couple and we were supposed to face our problems together. I could see how badly he was hurting, and that hurt me too. I told him that as well - I told him how it made my heart ache to see how depressed he was feeling.
And then he just hit me. It wasn't that bad of a punch, rea
Phan - DesperatenessA/N: 'Seed' by The Academy Is... seriously inspired this, so check it out if you wanna c: Thanks for reading!Phan - Desperateness3 years ago in Scraps More Like This
"What did you say?" Dan asked, looking at me with wide eyes. We were sitting on the couch in the living room, less than a foot away from each other. I'd been feeling depressed, and I had nothing to lose by telling Dan how I felt. I was already at my lowest point, how much farther could I go?
Bipolar was an illness I just couldn't beat. They gave me various medications and treatments for it, I saw a therapist once a week, I did everything that they told me to do, but it never got any better. I wanted someone to tell me that things would be okay. I wanted someone who could put up with my constant mood swings. In other words, I wanted Dan.
"You heard me. I love you, Dan." I was far from myself. I was usually so shy and reserved, but the feelings I had for Dan were weighing me down so much. He'd say something that was 'meaningless' and it'd leave me breathl
Phan - Even The Truth Is Wrong Sometimes...A/N: Guess the P.O.V in the comments!Phan - Even The Truth Is Wrong Sometimes...3 years ago in Scraps More Like This
"I'm dying." You told me from your hospital bed. I was sitting on the edge of the chair beside you. Up close, your skin was so much paler and yellowish than it normally was. You looked so weak. Even so, you were smiling when I came in to visit you.
"What?" I'd asked in disbelief. You couldn't be dying; you were the reason I wasn't dead. And if you were going to die, what would that mean for me? My depression never seemed to get better, even with the pills. But you were always there with open arms, and that was enough I guess.
"I'm dying. I have cancer." You smiled, your lips chapped and gray. When you said that, it was like my whole world started to crumble apart. I wasn't even the one dying. You were everything to me, even if I never showed it. I was so grateful to you, for everything. Everything that I was doing in life, it was all because of you. And to think that you'd be leaving me...well, I just couldn't deal with it.
i have the right not to give excuses or reasonsi am not going toi have the right not to give excuses or reasons4 years ago in Scraps More Like This
i am no ocean tide,
ebbing and flowing
over the sands of us,
and your approval-
of what i am
is not needed.
you do not
need to know
why i am hurt,
why we do not speak,
or why i still love you.
you do not
need to understand
(the way the moon
does its stars)
why i feel and ache
and show this on
my skin and bone.
of keeping you away,
of creating distance
more than the miles
the power i hold
between my teeth
and i burrow
like scarab beetles in the sand
i cannot wait
and not feel
roamin'i named him charlie.roamin'6 years ago in Scraps More Like This
charlie was the sort to sit on the concrete rather than the bench three feet away because it was ironic, his guitar case under his shoes and a cardboard sign on his lap that read, "roamin'." charlie was maybe twenty, with too many deceased train tickets and copper-plated coins turning in his jeans. i would bet the contents of his pockets that he couldn't remember where his hometown was anymore, what his mother's face looked like, or why he left.
i wanted him to hold his sign the other way, i wanted to see if there were more permanent-marker words scrawled on the back. i wanted it to say, 'drive me somewhere,' or 'take me to the west coast, take me back east.'
i wanted to drop my shopping bags and throw open my passenger door and tell him to jump in. his guitar case would go in the backseats and he'd kick his feet up on the dashboard and leave muddy traction prints along it.
i'd tell him to empty his pockets, see what he's got, make him chip in for gas money. i'd dr