TES - Why does the Dunmer cross the road jokeWhy does the Dunmer cross the road?TES - Why does the Dunmer cross the road joke2 years ago in Humor More Like This
We pretend to have interviewed some eminent minds in order to answer this question.
If the Dunmer walks five miles in one hour it will take him precisely two seconds and a third of a second to cross the road.
The road is one-way only and I await at the end of it.
Hmm, I like nasty Dunmers...
We all have to cross the road to open our mind to more knowledge but shall not step away from the path of wisdom.
The Dunmer goes where the wind blows and no road will tell him where to walk.
He must be looking for some fertile grounds to plant some seeds...
Luck may be found at every crossroad... or not!
Surely this is one more questing Dunmer adventurer, may his courage be rewarding.
Roads were made to be followed or crossed, the Dunmer deals the road his own way.
Wondrous plains of green grass, and may the moths pass.
What's the point of making up some plot if
An Orphan's Tale 6: Lost ChildhoodAn Orphan's Tale 6: Lost Childhood2 years ago in Drama More Like This
The first leg of the trip back to Whiterun was rough because it rained in the morning and they had to deal with a group of bandits that afternoon. Selene was in a lot of pain, her shoulder hurting so badly at times that she had to stop and remove her outer armor to relieve the pressure against her skin. By suppertime they were exhausted, but they had eaten nothing but rations for a couple of days and wanted something more substantial, so they set up camp and went hunting. They found a deer not far from camp. They crouched behind a boulder, and Selene nocked an arrow.
"I should have brought a bow," Vilkas whispered with frustration.
"It's all right. I'll kill it if you'll cut it up and cook it."
Selene stood slowly, ignoring the pain in her shoulder as she aimed and shot, and she took the deer down with one arrow. She removed its antlers while Vilkas skinned the animal and cut into its ribs.
"Why do you take the antlers?" he asked.
"I didn't know you were a
A Nightingale's Tale 1: SidetrackedA Nightingale's Tale 1: Sidetracked2 years ago in Drama More Like This
Honorhall Orphanage. It had seemed so much bigger when Selene was a child. That was the way of things. The older she got, the smaller the world became. Old Grelod wouldn't look so big, either. She'd be stooped, her bones brittle with age, palsy sending terrible shivers in her bony hands. Selene wouldn't even have to use a blade. She could probably break the matron's neck with her bare hands.
But no. That was not why she was in Riften. She had made her choice, and she was going to stand by it. At least for the time being, Grelod the Kind would live. The decision had been for her benefit, not Grelod's; the desire for revenge was such a heavy burden to carry around. She wasn't an angry adolescent anymore. She was a grown woman, and a hero at that, although she hated the word. The old witch hadn't ruined Selene's life; she had shaped it, no matter how harshly. She wouldn't be where she was today if not for Grelod.
Thus, she turned her gaze away from the orphanage and walked up the stairs t
The List, 1 - 100The List, 1 - 1006 years ago in Fan Fiction More Like This
1. Sneaking into peoples rooms and watching them sleep is not an appropriate use of Invisibility.
2. Chancellor Ocato does not appreciate hearing about how soft his robes are and/or how much I want a set of my own.
3. It is considered bad taste to kill people and then arrange their bodies into compromising positions.
4. It is worse taste to do so in the following places: The Temple District, any of the chapels, any of the castles, or in the middle of Green Emperor Way.
5. Lucien did not give me Shadowmere so that I could board her at Chestnut Handy Stables for the sole purpose of seeing if shell eat the Orc.
6. Stealing all of the Blades armor and throwing it over the wall of Cloud Ruler Temple is not nice, as it is cold up there.
7. The two Blades who do nothing but spar all day are not suffering from unrequited sexual frustration.
8. I am not allowed to give Falanu Hlaalu directions to every necromancer cave in Cyrodiil.
9. Jauffre is not old enough to h
Skyrim Valentines Day PoemBlood Dragons are greenSkyrim Valentines Day Poem3 years ago in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
Some orcs are too
I'd lockpick every lock
and gives the items to you.
I'd slay every dragon,
Id give you my gold,
I'd kill every foresworn,
I'll always be yours to hold.
I'd forge all your armor,
I would sharpen your blad
I'd tighten your bow,
I'd save you from every bandit raid.
FUS RO DA baby!
Have a superb Valentines Day!
Myths of SheogorathSheogorath Invents MusicMyths of Sheogorath7 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
In the earliest of days, in a time when the world was still raw, Sheogorath decided to walk amongst the mortals. He donned his guise of Gentleman With a Cane, and moved from place to place without being recognized. After eleven days and eleven nights, Sheogorath decided that life among mortals was even more boring than his otherworldly existence.
"What can I do to make their lives more interesting?" he said to himself. At that same moment, a young woman nearby commented wistfully to herself, "The sounds of the birds are so beautiful."
Sheogorath silently agreed with her. Mortals could not make the beautiful and inspired calls of birds. Their voices were wretched and mundane. He could not change the nature of mortals, for that was the purview of other Daedric Princes. However, he could give them tools to make beautiful sounds.
Sheogorath took hold of the petulant woman and ripped her asunder. From her tendons he made lutes. From her skull and arm bones he made a
Out of Place: Ch 1 - The Beginning pt 1Out of Place: Ch 1 - The Beginning pt 13 years ago in Introductions & Chapters More Like This
Out of Place
A Skyrim Fanfic Series
Chapter 1 (Feb 9, 2012)
Fredas, 20th of Sun's Dusk, 4E 201
(November 19th, 2011)
It was early June. The 6th, I think. At the time I'm writing this, the date is a bit fuzzy. I wish I would have started writing down my accounts early on, but considering the circumstances, I didn't really have any way to do so.
Anyway. I was staring out the window of my new bedroom. The sun was high in the sky, so it was sometime just after 12, maybe 2-ish. I wasn't used to living on my own. I somehow managed to find a small house in the country area. It isn't that easy to find the perfect small house, fit for one person, out in the country. I'm just not fond of living in the city with an apartment complex. For a single woman, it just isn't smart. Call me traditional, but I'd sooner have a man around, even if I'm fairly capable. Sure, I know how to shoot a gun pretty well, but what happens if some intruder has one? But I'm work
ASFCANADIAN/MEROME SWAG!S.W.A.G.ASFCANADIAN/MEROME SWAG!1 year ago in Romance More Like This
"That's not fair!I should've won!I only had,like,three hearts!"Jerome was ranting on about how he should've one the PvP match.Mitch was only grinning and giggling at his friend's anger.True,he had low health,but he should've paid more attention when he was coming.
"It's not my fault you suck at PvP."Mitch said,the smirk on his face could be heard through his voice."Shut up Mitch,I don't suck,Preston does."Jerome folded his arms and huffed.
His actions made Mitch giggle even more.Jerome could be so childish at times.But,he's interesting that way."Whatever,Preston (Perston :L) does suck a PvP,but you do too."Mitch swirled in his chair and grinned wider."I was low on hearts!I already told you that!"Jerome's attitude was what interested him the most.All his emotions made him fall for his best friend.He never noticed this,though.It didn't make Jerome dense,Mitch just hid it well is all."It's not my fault that I have swag and you don't."Mitch's smile widened even
Oblivion: Night OutCome, lets go for a drink!Oblivion: Night Out5 years ago in Fantasy More Like This
I cant say I wasnt surprised. But, then again, Sheogorath is good at that surprising people, I mean. When you expect Him to act serious, He prattles on about inanities. When you expect Him to be light-hearted, He threatens to dismember you. And when you finally expect Him to make good on all the threats Hes made He just laughs and pats you on the back.
In my time spent here in the Shivering Isles, Ive learned many things. But chief among them is this: dont expect anything from Sheogorath; youll always be disappointed.
So I just smile and say, Sure.
The Choosy Beggar is crowded as usual. The interior is warm and bright, mirroring the night outside. The moment we step into the establishment, all of the patrons cease their conversations.
Sheogorath seems pleased for a moment with the stir he caused, but His face soon clouds with a frown, Come on, resume with the merrymaking! You
How We Became Lovers (Merome) Part 3"M-mitch?!" Jerome couldnt believe his eyes, this was the first time in 5 years he's seen his Best Friend. Most Importantly, why was he here?How We Became Lovers (Merome) Part 31 year ago in Introductions & Chapters More Like This
"You heard me! Leave him alone!" Mitch said and walked up, face to face with the bullys picking on Jerome.
"HAAHA! ANOTHER FRESHMEN! Hah.. what are you going to do about i-" The bully stopped speeking when Mitch pulled out a stone axe and held it by his side.
Jerome flinched, this was the real deal.. that was an actual axe.
"F-FINE! WE DIDNT CARE ANYWAYS!" The Bully said and marched off with the other two.
Quickly Jerome run hugged Mitch, Jerome wiping his tears away."M-MITCH! I-i missed you so much why are you-"
"well my parents moved back. oh jerome im so glad to see you- and guess what! after highschool, my mom said i could go off in the world by myself, and have an adventure! i want you to be part of my adventure!"He said.
Jerome only just smiled and Mitch kn
His Butler, InsaneMarch, 1889His Butler, Insane3 years ago in Comedy More Like This
" And this mark shall bless you as the flesh of the holy feast."
Hands (or were they bones?) painfully pinned the boy's arms and legs to the altar, prohibiting any movement. He lay shivering, naked, exposed as dozens of faceless worshippers grinned down at him.
A hissing sound broke through the layers of chanting and captured the ten-year-old's attention. Still trembling, he barely managed to turn his head to the side in time to see the sizzling poker as it drew near, ready to brand him with a symbol that glowed white-hot.
"The holy feast "
Those three words echoed in his head as the poker made contact with the skin of his left flank. The boy's body convulsed with the most torturous of agonies-
And then Ciel awoke, bolting forward in his bed and gasping for breath.
The Earl was unsure of how much time passed before his chest returned to rising normally. With morbid curiosity, the thirteen-year-old noble peeled up the side of his nightshirt (now damp with s
Skyrim: The Thief Chpt. 1Chapter 1 PrologueSkyrim: The Thief Chpt. 12 years ago in Settings More Like This
Noster Eagle-Eye leaned against his regular post as the cold night air scratched at his exposed skin, his only rags not providing the insulation needed. Letting out a disgruntled sigh, he watched as his breath was revealed right in front of him, almost like a dragon's smoke. This was normal though, ever since he'd started living on the streets, he'd gotten accustomed with the harsh downsides of having no roof over your head. But the sound of the main gate opening caught his attention, making him forget about the weather for a couple of seconds. Looking towards the gate, he watched as a figure entered, shrouded in a black cloak, their head covered by a hood of the same darkness. Once the stranger had closed the gate, he started making his way towards The Winking Skeever. However, before he reached the front door, Noster let out a small cough, causing the stranger's head to quickly turn to face him. Both worried and confused, Noster watched as the stranger made
Ode for SheogorathOde for SheogorathOde for Sheogorath6 years ago in Songs & Lyrics More Like This
Come swim with the Birds and the Bees
And Gods flying in their threes
And logical Minded monkeys in the trees
Thank you but no Please!
You try to Halt and put it all on freeze
Here is the Daedric Prince, on your Knees
But youve been touched by the Madness
Just Embrace it with total Gladness
For Madness creates Art
A stage for actors to play the Part
Let it find a place in the Heart
Or, face the Retribution and Wrath
Of our rightful Lord Sheogorath
So come dance to the very merry jig
Offer up the yarn, gem and lettuce fig
The cats out of the bag, that dull hag
Laugh at boring old Jyggalag.
I Will Find You PrologueJUST A PROLOGUE IF PEOPLE LIKE IT THEN I WILL MAKE THE NEXT CHAPTER AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHY I AM WRITING WITH CAPS ON and i have been having the worst day ever i just got P.E and my couch woofs like a dog I MEAN IM THE DOG I BARK GROWL AND LOOK AT THE DOOR WHEN SOMEONE KNOCKS AND I NOTICE WHEN I HEAR A NOISE THAT OTHERS CHOSE TO IGNORE!!!anyway hope you enjoy i kinda get carried away anyway i might make another chapter if people like itI Will Find You Prologue1 year ago in Settings More Like This
Sky's POV (because for some reason i feel like it would be more dramatic)
3 years since we were friends.
3 years since we've seen each other.
And 3 months since he's been missing.
Just last month Jason went missing.And a week after that Mitch and Seto went missing at the same time.
Deadlox was heartbroken when he found out.He wouldn't come out of his room since that day.The only time he would come out is for breakfast,watch,or to train.Since Deadlox,Jerome,and Brice
Funny moments in Skyrim"You, over there. The one lurking in the shadows."Funny moments in Skyrim2 years ago in Humor More Like This
"Me? I'm not lurking..." *as I un-crouch and walk out of the shadows*
"I have a job I think you would excel at."
"Uh, okay...what's the job?"
"There is a man here in Markarth, Ogmund the Skald. It is obvious he worships Talos in his home, but the Jarl has been hesitant to call for his arrest. I want you to break into his house and find evidence."
"So you want me to commit a crime to get someone else arrested?"
"That is correct."
"I'm supposed to let you exchange one of your armor pieces for a more enhanced one. What'll it be?"
"Hm...I think I'll trade in my cuirass."
"Are you sure? Once you trade it in, it's a done deal."
"*snickers* Okay, here you go."
*cue raucous laughter*
"What? What's everybody laughing at? *looks down*"
"YOU COULD HAVE LET ME CHANGE ON MY OWN, TONILIA!!"
*runs off to get dressed*
"It takes a bold soul to approach a Jarl without summons."
"Who me? I wasn't, a
Deaths(Enderlox song)One by one they all fall down.Deaths(Enderlox song)2 years ago in Settings More Like This
A is for Antvenom who got frozen in ice
B is for Bertie who drowned in a well
C is for Chimney who fell on a spike
D is for Dan who got shot in the head
E is for Ethan who landed in hell
F is for Fred who was to annoying
G is Garmadon who was a troll
H is for Herobrine who got choped into bits
Ashes to ashes, bones to paste
You'll wither away in your resting place
Eternity in a wooden case
We all fall down
I is for Ian who got stabed in the chest
J is is for Jason who came back from the dead
K is for Kermit who was ripped abart
L is for Lamana(Duncan) who got cursed and died
N is for Nesily who was a worrywart
P is for Pewdiepie who died with his bros
Q is for Quentin who got hollowed out
R is for Rythain who shoulda turned black
One by one the rest in peace one by one all will fall
S is for Sky who came back for revenge
T is for Toby who came back in white
U is for Uberhaxornova who got wounded and died
One by one the rest in peace down in your rest
Blood Of AkatoshRayne yanked Martin along, dodging past Daedra, and cutting down any she could not evade. He stopped her, as they both laid eyes on the Daedric Prince Mehrunes Dagon himself. They both backed up, and Martin tugged her shoulder, forcing her to face him.Blood Of Akatosh3 years ago in Sketches More Like This
"We're too late Mehrunes Dagon is here. The barriers from the Dragonfires, protecting us from Oblivion, are gone!"
Rayne looked puzzled.
"Can we not cast him back to Oblivion?" she spoke, not realizing how insane that sounded. Martin shook his head.
"I don't see how. Mortal weapons may hurt him, but now that he is physically in Tamriel, they have no power to actually destroy- him."
Rayne's eyes fell to the Amulet of Kings. "What about the Amulet?"
Martin thought about it for a moment, his eyes widening with recognition.
"Wait. Yes, the Amulet was given to mortals by Akatosh it contains His divine power But how to use this power against Dagon? The Amulet was not intended as a weapon."
TES - The Fall of HarmonyDescription: A surviving child of House Dagoth tells of life in a Dwemer city of Skyrim during the War of the First Council. A tale of brotherhood, friendship and broken innocence.TES - The Fall of Harmony2 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
The Fall of Harmony
by Dagoth-Lorath Falensaryoni
Time is a strange thing, the older you grow, the quickest it seems to flow. Back to this day, in the twelfth year of my early life, seconds felt like hours and hours felt like weeks and days like months. My mother told me to keep quiet but that's quite a hard thing to achieve when you're a child as energic as I was. I looked helplessly at the other child in front of me, an elfling of nine who I called my brother. Our bloodlines were different but we shared the same breast, and also the same golden eyes and copper hair and honey skin. Though, on this last point, his flesh was a shade darker than mine. I always wondered what was the logic in that since his kind spent so much time underground where the sun never shone but throug
SkyrimThe wind was cold and heavy, and when I blinked I could feel frost in my eyelashes. Tears were running down my cheeks, but when I tried to wipe them away, they were already frozen.Skyrim3 years ago in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
In front of me laid a harsh winter landscape. As I took a step forward the snow crunched under my feet. I stopped once more, in an attempt to distinguish the shapes hidden by the snowstorm. I couldn't even see the horizon. Everything was just white.
Shivering, I kept on walking, every step felt as heavy as a wagon load. I clenched my teeth and forced myself forward, in hope for civilization somewhere beyond the blur. That was when I heard the roar, it pierced through everything, and for a moment I forgot the cold. This was a roar I recognized. I turned my eyes towards the sky, but nothing could be seen through the blizzard.
I reached for my sword as the sound of beating wings closed in on me.