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What's a little theft, lies and murder between friends anyway?

If you haven't checked out my Twitter yet, you can keep not doing so if you want to.
I mean, nothing's gonna happen if you don't.

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When I die I hope not many people show up, because I get performance anxiety in front of too large of an audience

If you want the latest updates regarding my imminent death you should follow my Twitter.

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Time flies by when you stare at the wall wishing you had more time.

Nothing good ever comes from following me on Twitter.

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I suppose this is where I tell you a joke about how impressionable I am, well tough luck, cause I aren't.

No seriously, there's no joke here today.

...go away!

Don't click this link, you'll regret it!
Mostly because nothing, disturbing or out of the ordinary will happen.

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I don't know what a tax reform is, so I guess that makes me smart.

Smart people like the Twogag Facebook page.
No wait not smart people, that other one.

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It's why I always carry seasonings with me wherever I go, I think the natural taste of human flesh is kinda gammy and gross.

A thing that doesn't need seasoning however is the Twogag Facebook page. There's just no hiding that bitterness.

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Cautious is not in my vocabulary!
But I looked it up, and yeah, according to this definition I guess I'm a pretty cautious guy.

Something that's probably safe is the Twogag Facebook page.

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I always manage to keep my new years resolutions. I bet you're impressed with my discipline now, huh? You shouldn't, it's the same one every year "Don't make promises you can't keep."

If your new years resolution is to follow more cool people on Twitter, then probably avoid me. At the very best I rate lukewarm on the cool scale.

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We all gotta weight risk vs reward. Like me with that dude behind the alley dumpster that gives me money to eat weird stuff. I might be poisoned, but I definitely have ten bucks!

Something that'll never poison you is the Twogag Facebook page. "Poisoning minds" isn't technically "poisoning". We won that lawsuit!

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I wanted to become a police officer more than anything when I was a kid, it was my dream.
But I'm still happy with how things turned out, becoming a cartoonist was a close fifty third.

My compulsions takes the form of ridiculous tweets.

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