signal fireswe're building ourselves a home
so that we can escape one day
we're building ourselves a life
so that we can have a goal
we're building ourselves a future
so that we can look forward
we're building ourselves
out of ash and nothing and fire and coal
we're building ourselves
out of stolen kisses and melted smiles and broken bones
so we can burn
IMeanItWhenISay... I mean itIMeanItWhenISay...6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I mean it when I tell you "iloveyou"
I mean it when I say you can't lovememore...
I mean it when I tell you that it would be impossible for that to be so
I do love you
I love you; with all of your scars
I love you; with all your imperfections [because nobodys perfect]
I love you; with all of your sarcasm and your cute laugh
I love you; you make my day
I love you; You cheer me up when I feel crap
I love you
And I mean it when I say this
I love you more than I have ever loved anyone
I love you more than I ever thought I could
I haven't even met you
[have changed me]
[have changed my life; for the better]
[have opened my eyes]
For the first time, first time
since *She* died
I love you; I mean it
You are my saviour
You are my star
You are my friend
and most importantly
[you are what keeps me breathing]
[you are what keeps me from keeping my promise]
when she was here, nothing was wrongshe used to tell me stories of howwhen she was here, nothing was wrong4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
the stars whispered their secrets to her and how lonely they were, but how happy
she always used to ask me if i thought anyone else could hear them
or if i thought everyone else was just too tied up in themselves to notice
she was too perceptive for her age
but that was why i loved her
the whispers she told me once, hushed tones herself
they all stopped when she found me
because, she explained with her hands and the lights of her eyes
i was the only one, the only girl
who knew her heart before she even said anything, had the key before she'd invented the lock
she told me that i must be the other one who whispered to the stars
because someone else had to, so that she wasn't alone
she told me i was the one who taught her about the man on the moon
[and that was why
with her last effort
she waved at him]
HimHim.Him6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I still love him. Even after all this time. All these months, I've been crying, trying to move on. I just wish we were still together. He still means the world to me; Everything. Well, almost everything.
I'm lying here, crying my eyes out, listening to our song. It's so true. I would die for him, even now. I would throw everything that I have away, just to be with him.
I would give up on everything, for him.
But, of course, he doesn't know that.
He doesn't want to know...
Why would he? I'm the one that let him go in the first place...
It really hurt me, when he went out with my best friend. For those 8 days, I cried myself to sleep, staring at one of the many pictures of me and him I had kept. For those 8 days, school was torture. I had to smile at her every day, tell her it would be okay, that he wouldn't want to dump her, that he loved her. More than me, I would add bitterly to myself.
That Monday, in German. That lesson, I could've jumped for joy. She knew
How Am I 'Supposed' To Feel? How am I supposed to feel?!How Am I 'Supposed' To Feel?6 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
How.. am i supposed to feel..
How.. am i supposed to think anymore?
Tell me how to feel
Someone, please... tell me, Just tell me.
Someone, please... help me.
Cos I cant do this by myself.
Cant do this alone anymore.
Never thought the day would come when I'd need pills to sleep...
But that day has dawned,
And now Im chewing away,
Determined to find the sand in my eyes that brings me peace,
Just for a few hours.
Its all I want,
I crave it,
I need it.
Just for a few hours, Please... just give me 2 or 3 or 4 hours...
Its all I need... I just need to survive this...
Please Mr Sandman, just bring me peace
Love me, for once... please?
I cant do this alone. I need someone here, To hold me, To stop me
I cant do this by myself anymore..
Can I follow her?
She set the path for me... All my life I looked up to her
And now shes gone...
Its been a few years... I think Mums forgotten her, sh
You broke meYou broke meYou broke me6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Into a billion little tiny shards
And left me there
You walked away
And carried on as if nothing had ever happened
As if nothing had ever changed
As if we hadn't ...
You carried on with your life. Not our life.
You carried on
You broke me
You [made] me trust you
You [made] me smile, laugh
You're now [making me cry.]
All i can do now
Is lie here
Thinking of what we had
[What we have]
What we could have had
All i can do now
Is lie here and cry
Cry in desperation
For the love i have
All i can do
Is sit here and cry
Blub to myself
Over what we could have had
What we had
It was never enough
I was never enough
Never enough for you
Never enough to make you stay
All i can do
Is sit and mourn
What i have for you
How i care...
And how you [don't.]
You smile at me
You joke with me
But you pretend, alone.
I can't pretend anymore.
That life has to be [over.]
I'm not sorry for w
GoneGone....Gone5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
the single word whispered over and over, tormenting her
she couldn't follow, no matter how much she wanted this
nothing she can do anymore
noone left to save.
none left to care...
She stumbles, falls.
'i HAVE to... i have to..'
more whispering to herself; noone else around to hear, anyway
all she knows is gone; all she loves, all she cared for
she finally reaches the clearing, finally there, finally..
the searching begins.
she won't - can't - give up.
has to find it
'i have to find her.. have to have to have to.. can't not... need her.. got to..'
her thinking distorts itself, nothing to do with whats going on around her
the fighting is over; the battlefield of broken lay, untouched, unclean, unwanted.
only she remains. only she still cares, still wants ...
still fights for the lost.
BrokenLittle girl, lost... She's lost in all of this Confusion. She's Wandering, Shivering,Broken7 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
In this manic world, That she has come to call
She cant save herself. Crying, weeping desolately to herself, She flees the place that she loves. She leaves behind, broken, trodden.. She leaves the memories where they were made.
She leaves herself
She rids of self control: Rids of happiness; Rids of pleasure; Rids of friendship
Of Love; Of everything
She cannot go back; Not To All Of This, Not To Pretence
She cant save herself this time.. She runs, she walks, she weeps. She flees the place that she loves. She leaves behind, broken, trodden
She leaves the memories where they were made
She herself is broken. She herself cannot be consoled. She knows no boundries, she knows no help no love, no happiness
She now knows only Pain
He is her constant companion now.
He loves her, makes her the little self destroyant.
The small girl, the little girl that is lost.
The girl that has manage
this isn't just a phasethis isn't jsut a phase, and no, i won't grow out of it. this is the way i am, and this is who i am.this isn't just a phase4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
this isn't just a phrase to me, this is a reliance, a unsaid promise.
this isn't just a smile, it's a mask, and it's a fucking good one.
this isn't just me being stupid, or paranoid; they really are after you, and i really do want to save you.
you don't ask and now i'll never knowin the end it was so easyyou don't ask and now i'll never know4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
so easy that the facade became the reality
and when the truth was finally discovered
it was twisted and mired in loss heartbreak and pain
still readable, legible, as her handwriting, just
it tells you about how the mask was just too easy to slip on and blend in with
the lies too sugarcoated to swallow, so much so she used to choke
the pills too easy to loose yourself to, too drownable in their fake smiles
but now she's here
she's with you, now
she don't trust you; you don't trust her
then she laughs, and it's the best sound you've heard in years, it's like a bell
and he doesn't want it to stop, he wants it to continue forever, swathing him in it's brilliance
and then she stops and stares at you, him, and back to the building you just razed to the ground with the last of your gasoline
her eyes are guarded, you don't know why
his face is a picture; he's enraptured, but knows he can't be
after a small pause of not-quite-right silence
one sentence is all
Im sorry but I cantI can't do this anymoreIm sorry but I cant6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I can't look at her in the mirror
The other me
The one who plasters on a smile every morning, tells everyone she's okay, she can cope
The one whom I have believed for so long; Oh so very long now.
No more pretence. No more lies.
It's time to do away with all of that, Now.
It's time to say goodbye to the pretence of my life; to that way of living
For nobody cares anymore
Nobody wants to be there, to pick me up when I fall. Nobody wants to be that person that has to cheer me up when Ive had a crap day. Nobody wants to be there for me for when I need someone to listen
And my pain; my broken heart; my shattered life.
Nobody wants to pick up the peices anymore.
Least of all me.
I just want it all to end. To end, now.
Now that I'm ready; now I've accepted this, this way of thinking, this fate.
Now that I can do this.
I'm past caring
Do whatever you want.
I don't care anymore.
A Product of a Broken HomeCanA Product of a Broken Home6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
anyone save me?
in these inward tears
is back in place
it's crookedly painted
by my own unstable hand
to get me OUT
before they see
before they realise
before they figure out
before they figure "me" out
before they know
before they realise
that the person they see,
that the person they recognise as "me"
before they look
deep into her
gray blue eyes
see all the aunguish
that she so cleverly hides
from the world
see all the pain
see the cuts
see the shattered broken peices
someone save me
before they jigsaw her back together
and call the real "me"
out to play...
Remember MeRemember MeRemember Me6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
For who I am
Not who I was
For the jokes I told
Not for the LIES I spoke
Bearing a smile
Not fallen into shadow
Already DeadWhy, oh why, did you give up trying?Already Dead6 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
You could have told me all those nights you stayed up crying
At this point, it doesn't matter what I've said
Because, by now, it seems like you're already dead
I've tried so hard to give you the world
But you ignored it, and into a tight ball you curled
Away from me, from everyone, you stayed
Hiding, oh what a big mess we've made
How long have I sat here sighing?
Doesn't matter, since you're already dying
Rotting away, bitter at me
For only wanting you to look around and see
They care, dear friend, they really do
Please don't make me have to find you
Dead, alone, and gone from this life
Because I can no longer stand your ongoing strife.
What Hurts the Mostwhat hurts the mostWhat Hurts the Most6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
is letting go
and crying alone
what hurts the most
is watching them go
into the unknown
to be free
I must let go
I cannot win
but I cannot lose
a broken soul, a bleeding heart
which must I choose
but cannot be free
a spider caught
in its own web
set me free
I need to breathe
must you break me down
let go just let go
I hear the fun
but I turn away
I must forget
what there was had
but the tears
I can't let them go
to release this tide
what hurts the most
is saying goodbye
and crying alone
I'll Never Show You ThisDid you know,I'll Never Show You This6 years ago in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
I'm waiting for your rejection,
Before I even made my confession?
I only just made the decision,
But I already know the direction,
This is heading for.
I've crashed and burned,
Before I've even left the ground,
Stopped dead in my tracks.
I haven't yet taken off,
But already there's no going back,
Now that I've decided on you.
I pray things will stay the same,
After I've tried to make them change,
I don't want to lose you.
I hope we can still be friends,
It never happened, we'll pretend,
If that's the way you want it.
I'm writing this for you,
Seven or so days before I plan to make my move,
A week before I cry the tears already welling up.
Even though I'll never show you this,
I sort of wish you'd find it by yourself,
And know I love you like nobody else.
Is it wrong?
Will it turn bad like I know it will?
Will I cry even as I tell you I'm fine?
Am I wrong?
Will it be better than I ever could hope?
Will this be my first good relationship?
It's the same old tune,
we're made of stars.i hear you believe we're made of stars and that other people think you're crazy. i don't. i did but then i figured you out and i realized you were just words and talk and a lot of mind games that even you couldn't understand why you played. you used to compare me to wild fire's and i would curse you until the night ended. we were a lot of nothing back then. we're even more nothing now then before. when i first met you i figured we'd be something but that was the kind of person i was back then. i used to expect the best from people and from situations but now i know to hope for the best and expect the worst because people like you come around a lot and they like to disapoint people like me. you used to tell me to find someone like myself but back then i hated myself so i just stuck with you. turns out it was you i should have hated. i am miles away from that point in my life but you were a traffic jam so don't give yourself any credit. a lot of times i think i hate you but it's not thewe're made of stars.4 years ago in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
Give Me A ReasonGive me a reason why I shouldn't stayGive Me A Reason6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
When you're determined to drive me away
Oh why do I try
When you're pushing me against every wall?
You're creating your mistakes
After every turn
You're make me break
I get nothing in return
So give me a reason!
No, don't let go
I need somebody to
Let me know
Why do I try
When you're running me in circles?
Oh why do I try
When you never care?
Please, give me a reason
LonelyLonely hearts and lonely soulsLonely6 years ago in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
They like to burn with blackened coals
And when the life has grown so old
They lie forever in eternity's hold.
Towards they go, the dark abyss
A place for people that no one will miss
And if they rise, they tell all this:
To seal your fate before death's kiss.
Drowning, immersed in all the fears
In this world that forms all tears
And the screaming of ones held dear
Is the only thing the winds may hear.
Last Dance in the RainIt's raining outside,Last Dance in the Rain6 years ago in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
And I worry that you're out there in the cold.
How can I find you?
I'm just pretending to care about school and other stuff.
But really, I want you.
You say that I'm worth it,
Even though the distance is great,
But baby, are we putting this all on fate?
I can't even tell you how much I miss you,
And your gorgeous smile.
Sometimes the things we want most,
Just have to wait a little while.
This will either make us, or split us in half.
Nobody else has really ever made me truly laugh.
You are a blessing,
And I won't mess up this chance.
Not even my parents will ruin our last dance.
screaming inside is somehow louderi'm screaming so loud my voice is hoarsescreaming inside is somehow louder4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
my throat is dry and yet i'm still screaming
i need to make a sound i need to hear myself
i need to know i can still breathe
she doesn't want to be scared anymore
but with monsters for parents
how can she not be?
i've lost everything i worked for, everthing we had, everything we shared
sugar coating things never was her style, but now
now she has to sugar coat her life
and the lies flow so easily
she starts to believe them herself
i see her mistake, i try and help her, reach out correct it -
she forgets herself
and the bruises she carries round for the rest of the month
show everyone just how affectionate her father really is
i'm not good at being good at things
i'm not good at stopping things from happening
i'm good at trying, though, and i won't ever stop doing that
she's the protector, the helper;
and out here in the desert, that can be death
(but she'd rather die by helping
than at his hands)
Am I Good Enough...?Legs crossed on a cold basement floor,Am I Good Enough...?2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Blood stains painting my flesh,
The wounds deeper than ever before,
A white gown now a short black dress.
Long tangled hair clinging to my tears
Wind howling through the trees,
Moonlight painting a sky so clear,
And darling, I'm going to be set free.
My fingers scratch at the blood on my skin,
A delightful pain at the thought of a touch,
And hey, everyone who said I wasn't worth it,
Now am I good enough?
get in the car, babyHe all but kicked the door in,get in the car, baby4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
blondegold hair dirty in the light and his eyes
fixed onto me. He was holding:
three receipts, a photo of a girl that might have been me
and a small bottle.
Said to me, Hold Out Your Hand and I did
bitten nails and charcoal stains
curling over the glass.
I held it like a snakebite in my palm, and he
he said he'd found the answer.
This Will Be, he swore, smiling like we had a hope
The Way Out.
and he snatched it back and took a sip,
fingers brushing the first letter away.
He was drinking 'oison' and I was watching and this, I thought
was no different from any other day
and any other -
you have to understand, please, that we were living in my front room and his
borrowed car and wherever didn't mind two kids
and a tent
i took my showers at school and at the local pool
and in the lake once;
we had nothing, we were going nowhere so fast we should have been getting
he drank because he was bored and I taught myself
For himThe boy who reassures me it will be okay,For him6 years ago in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
he is the one who takes my breath away,
holding hands through the trails,
and watching each cloud move,
The boy who loves me more than himself,
The boy who could take a life even if he was by himself,
The boy who always seemed gentle,
But hid secretes until the time was right,
The boy who gave up hours of sleep,
To know I would make it another night,
He was the one to hold my heart,
he was the one to let me cry,
He is the boy I love,
And I hope he never forgets,
I love him more than myself.