-class gets quiet-
ME: ... -screams- MONEY. BABES. BOOZE. SCIENCE. FUCK YEAH.
FRIEND: TONY STARK.
ME: BRUCE BANNER.
BOTH OF US: SCIENCE BROS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TEACHER: WE'RE TAKING A TEST!
ME: Cool. I'm finished.
ME: -hops onto friend's back- ONWARD, STEED!
FRIEND: FREEEEEEEEEEDOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -gallops out of the room, carrying me on his back-
Best. Fucking. Day. Ever.
JD - Now I Look Like That GuyJeff covered his mouth with his hand, trying desperatly not to laugh. Peanut growled, red in the face from the embarrassment.JD - Now I Look Like That Guy5 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
The purple boy stood in front of the taller man, a bright green patch of fluff in his hand.
"P...Peanut...? How, hehheh...HOW did you say this happened again...?" Jeff choked and fumbled with his words, giggling in between his sentances.
Peanut glared at him, still holding the little patch of green that was his hair in his hand. "It starts with a frickin' "Wal" and ends with a frickin' "Ter"..."
Jeff blinked and stared blankly at the boy, unsure of what he was saying. Peanut huffed, clenching his teeth.
"Walter, God dammit!" He yelled, throwing his arms in the air, getting angrier and angrier every second. At the mere mention of the name, a harsh laugh echoed from somewhere in the room.
"O...oooh..." Jeff said, half nodding and half snickering. Peanut crossed his arms, thoroughly unamused.
"Well...are you gunna help or not...?" Peanut looked down, blu
Walter's Birthday Jeff DunhamPeanut woke up early in the morning and glanced at his calendar. It was February 26, 2011, Walter's Birthday. Peanut yawned, "Oh, look, it's Walter's birthday." Then, he screamed, "WALTER'S BIRTHDAY?!? I'M SCREWED!!!!" He hadn't gotten anything for Walter, and he knew the dangers that he could be in now. He looked around his room looking for something to use as a gift. He leaped out of bed and ran to his many prized possessions. He looked at his moldy food collection and asked himself, "I wonder if Walter would like moldy cheese... nah, it's too adorable. I might as well just go hide-out at Achmed's." He ran all the way to Achmed's house and banged on the door while yelling, "ACHMED!!!! LET ME IN!!!! HELP!!!!!!!" Achmed opened the door quickly and yawned, "Peanut, it's 12:30PM on a Saturday!! I was sleeping! You know I have to train my son, AJ, to bomb people later! What's wrong?" "It's Walter's birthday and I need a place to hide-out because I didn't get him a present." Peanut sighed.Walter's Birthday Jeff Dunham4 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
Last Resort Parodies of AwesomenessCut my cake into piecesLast Resort Parodies of Awesomeness3 years ago in Songs & Lyrics More Like This
This isn't my last desert
Shut the fluff up, I'm eating
Don't even care if I get diabetes
I like Hershey's, but mainly Reese's
This isn't gonna be my last candy bar
Shut the fluff up, it's got peanuts
Gonna shove the wrapper up your butt
Cut my math teacher into pieces
He is my last resource
Humiliation, no thinking
Forgot how many times I was sleeping
Cut Bieber into pieces
This is his last concert
Suffocation, no breathing
Don't give a fluff if Selena starts screaming
Cut the Triforce into pieces
This is my last red potion
Ganondorf is cheating
Don't give a fluff if I cut Navi bleeding
Feed my cats meat pieces
This isn't Fancy Feast
Suffocation, nameless bleeding
It was mice who were screaming
Grab the kitty litter scoop
Time to clean out the poop
The cats just had to crap
The feces looks like continents on a map
Cut those trolls into pieces
They're spamming my status
Suffocation, no breathing
Keep making parodies
Cut my homework into pieces
This is my last re
To The Mountain"Guys, are you ready?" Jeff Dunham hollered down the staircase while coming down.To The Mountain6 years ago in Humor More Like This
Achmed yelled back, "HANG ON INFEDEL! I only have two arms!"
"Two BONES," Peanut snickered.
Achmed glared at the purple monkey, "SILENCE!!!"
Jose the Jalapeneo (on a stick!) and Walter came down the stairs after Jeff. Poor Jose was hopping down the staircase while Peanut was laughing at him.
"Purple bastard," Jose said.
"Mexican condiment," Peanut said back.
"Guys, we're gonna miss our flight to Colorado if you keep arguing!" Jeff scolded, then continued, "Ok, everyone packed?"
Achmed, Peanut, Jose, and Walter all nodded.
Jeff looked at Achmed, "Achmed, no bombs!"
Achmed looked down, "Awwww..." He took the grenades and nuclear bombs out of his bag.
Jeff clapped his hands together, "Ok, we're all set, lets move!"
Jeff and everyone else got into their