This Fic Gave Me CancerWarning: The following story is a parody and not to be taken seriously in the slightest. Please enjoy. ^_^This Fic Gave Me Cancer3 years ago in Humor More Like This
Once upon a time the Listener was summoned by Ulfric Stormcloak to do a mission.
"Dragonborn, I need you to do a mission for me," Ulfric said commandingly. He said many things commandingly because he was the future High King of Skyrim. It wasn't official or anything, but it was true because Ulfric Stormcloak said it was. And Ulfric Stormcloak was never wrong.
"What is it, my jarl?" the Listener, who was also the Dragonborn, said. Ulfric Stormcloak didn't know the Listener and the Dragonborn were the same person because that would have been silly. Although sometimes the Listener wondered why Ulfric Stormcloak didn't know because she wore her shrouded armor all the time. All the time. Even when she and Ulfric Stormcloak had sexy times, which were a lot.
Ulfric was good at sex. He had a big penis like all Nords.
Anyway, Ulfric Stormcloak was telling the Listener/Dragonborn
O/K: Singing GirlMany, many years ago, on an afternoon so distant, so obscured by the mists of time that it almost seemed unreal, a small, timid elven boy with large, see-through ears and green eyes, opened wide in constant fear and bewilderment, had raised his hand in class, fingers trembling, and asked, in a hoarse voice because the stiff collar of his uniform was pressing into his neck,O/K: Singing Girl2 years ago in Drama More Like This
'But... Doesn't it hurt... when people are tortured?'
His faltering, barely audible question had had the effect of a powerful muffling spell. The other children had frozen, statue-like, behind their desks, not daring as much as to breathe too loudly, eyes fixed on their hands, their inkwells, the pointed tips of their government-issued boots - anywhere but on their insolent studymate...
And the mentor had lowered the book he had been reading aloud from - a truly great book, a priceless book, filled with the infinite wisdom of the Dominion's rulers - and walked over to the boy's seat, and clasped his angular li
Bron's perfect gift"I am an apprentice wizard, not a pack mule!!!" said Marcurio, angry, as his leader carelessly dropped just another embalming tool and two linen wraps in his bag – pretty much all that could be found in that desolated crypt, but why the hell did they need to take them all?!Bron's perfect gift3 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
Bron had heard it so many times that, practically immune to the sentence, he walked out with a satisfied smile and stretched in the sunlight, of course not even waiting for his follower to drag his sack full of garbage – pardon me, precious loot – out before mounting his horse, ready to head back to Riften.
"Why are we… nngh… taking all this… wait for me!" Marcurio was even more angry knowing that gems and gold were not too heavy for Bron, as he always stored them jealously on his own person.
Bron kept on riding, but not taking the straight route; he had accumulated an impressive amount of garb- loot, yet he still wasn't sure any of it would be of use in his next, very personal quest. Maybe raiding som
For the Future of Skyrim - Part 16Turdas 24 Sun's Height 204 4E 6:00 PMFor the Future of Skyrim - Part 163 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
"And I say we ignore it!" Nazir's voice was angry. I don't think I've ever heard the Redguard so emotional before, not even right after Falkreath fell.
"We do not ignore a contract from the Night Mother," Garnag protested. The two men were at the dining table. Garnag was seated at one of the benches while Nazir was preparing dinner. Both looked pissed off.
Cicero and I had just come in from swimming in the ocean so we were clad in only our underclothes. "What's the problem?" I asked as I toweled my long, black hair dry. Cicero flopped onto a bench and started munching on the various vegetables Nazir had chopped up for dinner.
"Can't you put on some clothes first?" Nazir huffed trying to ignore the Keeper's and my state of undress.
"Probably would have if I hadn't entered Sanctuary to the sound of yelling," I said casually. I draped the towel so it covered my top half to appease Nazir a bit. "The sooner you tell me what the two of you are arguing ab
Ode for SheogorathOde for SheogorathOde for Sheogorath6 years ago in Songs & Lyrics More Like This
Come swim with the Birds and the Bees
And Gods flying in their threes
And logical Minded monkeys in the trees
Thank you but no Please!
You try to Halt and put it all on freeze
Here is the Daedric Prince, on your Knees
But youve been touched by the Madness
Just Embrace it with total Gladness
For Madness creates Art
A stage for actors to play the Part
Let it find a place in the Heart
Or, face the Retribution and Wrath
Of our rightful Lord Sheogorath
So come dance to the very merry jig
Offer up the yarn, gem and lettuce fig
The cats out of the bag, that dull hag
Laugh at boring old Jyggalag.
Skyrim- Memoirs of a HousecarlIt was, once again, two in the morning when he came stumbling in through the door of Breezehome. He had a glowing sword on his hip and was clothed in strange, evil-looking armor. A quiver of Ebony arrows was askew on his back, and he was muttering about draugr and hands and nightingales.Skyrim- Memoirs of a Housecarl3 years ago in Drama More Like This
Believe it or not, I am used to this. “Hello, my love,” I said. “Back from some adventure, I bet.”
He continued to mutter, a bit dazedly, while he began unloading several new weapons onto the rack on the wall. Most of them were also glowing. Then he crossed over to the fire and sat down very tiredly, the wooden chair creaking and settling under him. He stared into the fire for a minute, before finally looking at me.
“Lydia,” he said, “Would you mind cooking something for me?”
“Here,” I replied, ladling a bowl of stew from the ever-present pot on the fire (as a housecarl, you have to be prepared for your Thane to come in at any moment). “
Whines MelodyWhines Melody6 years ago in Fan Fiction More Like This
- You know sometimes, Id like to prevent the time from flowing. -
- What do you mean? -
The wind blew below the huge pinnacles of the building, carrying a stream of dead leaves. The dark roses smell was intoxicating, mixing with the sweetness of the sunset.
Voryn leaned his head onto the palm of the hands, his auburn long hair sliding on the pale skin of the face. He seemed not to care about it.
- There. Look at our city - He said, without a turning of his eyes from the beautiful landscape.
Nerevar glanced at it.
It was really a remarkable vision. The city was alive, and beating like a childs heart, blown by the eastern winds and glistening with vivid colors. And the young Chimer loved it, with all the passion of his soul.
He smiled. - I see what youre seeing, Ryn. -
The older elf turned to look back at his friend, pursing his lips in thoughts.
- Yeah and think. If the time stops it would be forever and ever like this. Like were see
A Nightingale's Tale 1: SidetrackedA Nightingale's Tale 1: Sidetracked3 years ago in Drama More Like This
Honorhall Orphanage. It had seemed so much bigger when Selene was a child. That was the way of things. The older she got, the smaller the world became. Old Grelod wouldn't look so big, either. She'd be stooped, her bones brittle with age, palsy sending terrible shivers in her bony hands. Selene wouldn't even have to use a blade. She could probably break the matron's neck with her bare hands.
But no. That was not why she was in Riften. She had made her choice, and she was going to stand by it. At least for the time being, Grelod the Kind would live. The decision had been for her benefit, not Grelod's; the desire for revenge was such a heavy burden to carry around. She wasn't an angry adolescent anymore. She was a grown woman, and a hero at that, although she hated the word. The old witch hadn't ruined Selene's life; she had shaped it, no matter how harshly. She wouldn't be where she was today if not for Grelod.
Thus, she turned her gaze away from the orphanage and walked up the stairs t
Moon Ch. 14 - BondCeleste's head snapped towards her lover, and she stared at him without shame.. "...Honey?" She asked, her voice tentative. Why was he scared? What ailed him? His face gave nothing away, but the silver-gray of his eyes confirmed his emotions. He looked away from her.Moon Ch. 14 - Bond3 years ago in Romance More Like This
"You three go on back," Farkas said, turning away fully, "I'll stay behind and make sure we got all of them."
"But.." Celeste didn't want to leave him. She wanted to ask him why he was afraid. She didn't understand. Had she shamed him? Was he afraid because she was a terrible warrior?
She felt Aela's hand on her shoulder. "Come, sister. We will talk. Farkas will be alright."
Reluctantly, Celeste allowed herself to be led away by Aela and Vilkas, though her thoughts never left her mate.
"Why?" She asked, when they broke into the night; the moon shone clear, like a truth in a far away place that she would never reach.
"Why what?" Vilkas asked sharply. She was starting to realize that this was his way, and that his short mann
For the Future of Skyrim - Part 15Fredas 11 Sun's Height 204 4E 3:00 PMFor the Future of Skyrim - Part 153 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
"What is life's greatest illusion?" the Black Door asked.
"Innocence," I answered feeling like a hypocrite as I stood there with my hand entwined with Cicero's. After finally letting go of my eternal anger aboard the pirate's ship, I felt like I was looking at the world again for the first time. Everything seemed new.
"Welcome home, sister and brother," the door breathed as it swung open.
"Home!" Cicero crowed as he bolted down the stairs. He looked the same as ever in his jester's clothes, although the leather ties were new. We had found replacements among the pirates' personal items. Part of me felt guilty for slicing the old ones, but I figured that was the one part of his motley he had to replace every few years.
I, on the other hand, looked completely out of place wearing the fur armor I had been forced to wear since my leathers had been destroyed as a result of my, ahem, frenzied state of mind. I couldn't believe people actually chose to wear
Tamriel's Second Great War: Prologue "I fight for the men I've held in my arms, dying on foreign soil! I fight for their wives and children, whose names I heard whispered in their last breath... I fight so that all the fighting I've already done hasn't been for nothing! I fight... because I must."Tamriel's Second Great War: Prologue3 years ago in Introductions & Chapters More Like This
―Ulfric Stormcloak, during the Stormcloak Rebelion
Imperial Camp North of Hjaalmarch, 4E 201
Hadvar took another swig of ale. It was always good to calm down before a fight, or he might do something stupid, like at Riften, back when he had first joined the Imperial Legion. It had been his first mission, with the objective of retaking some of the wild lands outside the city. He had still been green. He hadn't known how to calm himself down before a battle.
Skyrim-Awkward AffectionsWhiterun night was as peaceful as it could possibly afford after last dragon attack on western watch tower. Countless stars hung upon Night Lady's skirt as it jewels and the twin moon as her corsage. Pale azure aurora served as her veil. If one could personify the night, then she would be a fine lady bearing dress no mortals could even fathom weaving. With equally onyxian long hair with star encrusted tiara and aurora veil draped over her abyss black eyes.Skyrim-Awkward Affections3 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
Vilkas stopped looking up the dark sky as his neck started to hurt, bad. Misty white breath formed in front of his haggard visage as he breathed, embracing the cold night air. He recognized the smell in the air, how the smaller animals behaved in late weeks, and how much less he encountered stray bears entering Whiterun farms. Winter was coming. In such realization, his ever thinking brain devised plans for upcoming winter, patrols on Whiterun perimeter, and hunt parties rosters. Rosters. He mused as he entered Jorrvaskr l
Brighid InvocationBrighid Invocation5 years ago in Songs & Lyrics More Like This
From in my heart a light is born,
A fire pure and bright,
As now I stand before your gaze,
Hail Brighid, Lady Knight.
Your armour silver as the moon,
Your hair a fiery red,
Your smile of warmth and kind intent,
Your light upon me shed.
As Maiden you have come to me,
A lover's silk embrace,
As Mother you encouraged me,
With care and noble grace.
As Crone you have enlightened me,
Your wisdom and your truth,
My life you've always walked with me,
This day as in my youth.
So here I am, a humble soul,
A son of Hunter Herne,
I wish to serve you Lady Knight,
From sun to lunar's turn.
Bless me with your guiding light,
In all I do for thee,
Protect my kin by faith or blood,
Neath ancient rule of three.
Oh Brighid, Lady of the Lake,
Oh Goddess of the Moon,
Oh Priestess of the Ancient Ways,
Your leave you must take soon.
I thank you for your time with me,
As end comes to my prayer,
Yet light within my heart remains,
In knowing you are there.
© Vandrake Druidstone
Darkness Rises When Silence Dies - Part 1Sundas 5 Sun's Dawn, 4E 202 4:00 PMDarkness Rises When Silence Dies - Part 13 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
I was walking south along the trade roads towards Whiterun returning from the Throat of the World after defeating Alduin, the World Eater and god of destruction. Every step was pain as I forced myself to place on foot in front of the other like a lone soldier's march. "Left, right, left, right", I muttered to myself. My mare nickered softly behind me being led by her reins. I had ridden her to the point of exhaustion, but had been unwilling to stop moving. The thought of being still was too much like the thought of being dead.
The sky was dark overhead, pregnant with storm clouds. Maybe it would rain. That would be the perfect ending to my journey home. I would arrive in Whiterun soaked to the bone and covered it mud. It would be like the gods pissing on me from heaven. "Go on. Do it. I dare you," I muttered darkly. I even flipped a rude gesture to the skies in the hope someone up there would notice. Especially Tsun.