MockedI'm the girl who is always mocked for how i look
For how i dress
What music i listen to
I sit in bed and cry
Not because of what they say hurts
Because it does
But because I'm not appreciated
Wondering down a path
I try my best
But nothing works
I don't eat because I'm "too fat"
I listen to my music loud to block all the words
Those words that will stick in my head
Make me cut again
I don't want that
I just want to be freed
I feel so trapped
I cant explain it
I begin to have feelings for someone
They aren't ever mutual
I sit and realise
Once again my hopes are dashed
Its a vicious cycle
I've never been told how to love
I've never experienced it
I feel empty
Yet tears slowly roll down my flushed cheeks
Has taken hold of me
Poem: Hold OnHold OnPoem: Hold On3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I heard you crying last night
Did you stop trying last night?
You scream there is nothing left
You say there is nothing inside
You used to fly up so high
But you fell to pieces in the sky
You let go of your faith
And threw away your dreams
Try and find something left for us
I'll turn the lights out
Sleep for tonight
I have to leave,
You have to face this alone
You need to build your strength
You lost faith in me
And gave up
You know there is nothing
Left of us
You say it's too late
And nothing hurts
The feelings will come
And some will burn
But some will heal
If you keep strong
You won't hurt anymore
You can lay in the grass
And feel the sun
If you'll just wait for one
Keep shining darling
It's never too late
To turn your life around
Even if only for a day
You can reinvent yourself
And become someone new
Live a different life
And dry off your eyes
Just keep smiling,
I promise you it's not all gone
There is light at the end
All you have to do is hold on
I Need You.What if I need you to stop me?I Need You.3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
What if I need you to stop me making myself sick for the fifth time today?
What if I need you to stop me running that razor across my wrist tonight?
But I've got to not need you anymore...
Where are you?
Where are you when I swallow all those pills?
Where are you when I run out of a classroom bursting into tears?
But you're not here for me anymore...
Who can I talk to?
Who can I talk to when I don't want to eat for four days?
Who can I talk to when I can't take things anymore?
But you don't really care anymore....
Who can give me that support?
Who's going to tell me it's okay to be scared?
Who's going to give me that hug when I'm shaking?
But not you, because my problems aren't your responsibility anymore...
But now I am alone.
And I can't feel this way.... Not anymore.
EyesCan't you see itEyes4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
In my eyes
Can't you tell
What is going on
Are the windows
Into the soul
So can't you see
How broken mine is
The pain is written
All over my face
Maybe that's not it
Maybe you do see
But you just
Maybe acknowleding my life
If you pretend
I'm not there
Then it doesn't matter
I'm not your problem
I'm just another
Nothing you need
To worry about
Just go on living
Like I'm not there
You think because
I stay silent
That must mean
I scream for help
I beg for mercy
Not with my mouth
But with my eyes
Love Never Has An EndBoy, You Get Outta Bed,Love Never Has An End3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Knock Yourself Upside The Head,
You Lost All You Hold Dear,
And You Can't Tell Her,
'Cause She's Not Here.
Go, Run Out To Your Car,
Complete The Search For Your Star,
She Said She's Leaving Tonight,
Show Her That She's Everything,
Including Your Light.
Sharply Cutting The Turns,
Bumping Over The Curbs,
You're Ignoring The Cops,
You Gotta Get There,
Before Your Heart Pops.
And Now The Airport's In Sight,
Standing Out In The Night,
She Carries Tears In Her Eyes,
Suitcase By Her Side.
By The Time You Get There,
She's Sitting Down In Her Chair,
You Can't Help But Feel Alone,
But Lucky For You,
She's Searching Through Her Phone.
Yours Then Begins To Ring,
And Your Heart Starts To Sing,
You Cry And Apologize,
For All That You Said,
All Those Dirty Lies.
You Prove You Want Her Back,
Can't Handle A Heart Attack,
She Starts To Understand,
So She Grabs Her Suitcase,
And Tries To Depart To Land.
But It's Already Too Late,
The Plane Takes Off With A Shake,
They Sadly Whispe
april 18th, 2012.therapy:april 18th, 2012.3 years ago in Emotional More Like This
"I'm not an artist. I'm just a kid with a keyboard."
“And, y'know, I’m probably not really sick.”
“I read a lot of books. I probably just act like this because I saw it somewhere on the Internet.”
“I just want to be more like my dad.”
“I’m really just a pathological crybaby who wants attention,” I tell you.
You say, “I think there are better ways to get attention than fake a mental disorder.”
“Maybe I’m doing it for fun.”
The problem isn’t that I need to see a therapist.
The problem is that I need to see a therapist because I dream about slamming your head into a tree.
Right after we broke up, you took me to the bike cage and promised me everything would be okay. Then you got together with that fifteen year old from Michigan and told our friends that I was a freak.
Slamming your head into a tree might be painful, but nothing will ever hurt more than kn
Always DefeatedI just run; faster than the wind. I can't stay. I won't.Always Defeated3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
All of this hurts
To remain standing, when all I am, is torn down.
Can you hear my screams?
Or just the silence
As I take a step into the unknown, will you hold my hand? Will you ever believe in me?
I keep trying but, all those words spoken, make me want to cry; to give up and to let go of all I know.
And you know the pain never stops. It's like a never ending empty void, which is sucking me in and I wonder when this will be done.
Will I be the one who won?
Or will I be the loser everyone knows me to be?
I wanna..I wanna cut myself, but I don'tI wanna..2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I wanna scream, but I don't
I wanna run, but I don't
I wanna lose it all, but I don't
I wanna walk away, but I stay
I wanna start over, but I stay
I wanna disappear, but I stay
I wanna hide, but I stay
I wanna cry, but I can't
I wanna fly, but I can't
I wanna fight, but I can't
I wanna take revenge, but I can't
I wanna be who I am
I wanna live my life right
I wanna be loved
Isn't that alright?
Here I stand
Don't know what to do
I feel so lonely
I love you
I miss you
I wanna hug you
I wanna kiss you
Know that I'm thinking of you
Know that I'm waiting for you
I would give the world to be with you
wet scribbles, tattooed tragedyI am shedding my skinwet scribbles, tattooed tragedy3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
like the poetry that bleeds
from your ink-cracked lips
onto the bare bones of my
Unfold these moon-shy limbs
that chase silence
& beg stay-with-me.
For you are the only verse
hidden within this labyrinth
of scar-damaged flesh.
Loved, Avenged, and ReunitedI'm not the same when I'm hereLoved, Avenged, and Reunited3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
You have changed my thoughts
You have change my voice
I cannot go back
My want rebels against my need
My desire outweighs my reason
There is no reason behind this
Nothing makes sense about it
But I will not leave it
I find that I want to stay here with you
May it be against my will or with it I cannot tell
Do you deliberately torture me?
Or are you as conflicted as I?
This desire is great, but I cannot name it
I cannot put a reason to it
I cannot get away from it
It will always be here
When I am with you I am no longer lost
You changed me into someone I am proud of
If this was love then how was it taken so easily?
Your life was snuffed out so quickly by those who deserve to drag themselves across the filth and grime of all things awful.
You may say I judge, but the agony they put you through can never be justified
I want to see you again so badly
I want to laugh with you again so desperately
I want to hear your voice with all my being
And I will
you loved someone.i.you loved someone.2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Chloe is nineteen when she dies.
She ends it with a shotgun
the night her brother gets out
They say he molested her
he raped nine women
ten eleven twelve women
they say no
it was nine little girls
ten eleven twelve
little girls, kids, the bastard.
he was a bad man
“No wonder she did it.
If he was my blood
I’d’ve done it, too.”
You go to the funeral
because that’s what good people
because your mother asks you
“You want to go to Heaven,
without looking up from her knitting
and you would laugh in her face,
but she’s your mother
and you love her
so you go.
A man you know stops you –
a friend of John’s –
John, who is not yours anymore
(even now, even in death,
you know he’ll keep her
longer than he kept you)
on your way to the bathroom.
“John really loved her, y’know,” the man says
as if you wouldn
quirks.when i was a child:quirks.1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
i loved to steal.
i would go around my neighborhood
and steal lawn ornaments.
at daycare, i would steal money
once, i stole my next door neighbor’s
when my parents confronted me,
the lie was smooth and solid:
i saw so-and-so take it.
when i was a child:
i loved to lie.
i would make up stories
to get reactions out of people.
to see if they’d believe me.
once, i convinced my friend charlotte
that i had twenty-four hours to live.
when she burst into tears,
i had to bite my tongue
to keep from laughing.
when i was a child:
i loved animals.
i would lock my dog in the closet
and in the bathroom.
a lot of my neighbors left birdcages out
during the day
so i set all of the birds free.
once, i imagined what it would be like
to kill an animal.
then, i imagined what it would be like
to run over it repeatedly
with a car
so i did it with my scooter
to a rose i found
because it was red
when i was a
Can I?I told himCan I?2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I loved him,
And that I
To be happy.
But can I
When he looks
In his eyes?
UntrustworthyWhat you have done can't be forgiven.Untrustworthy4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
You lied to me and promised that you wouldn't tell.
But you did anyways.
A secret I told you that was for your ears only and no one else.
And yet you decided to go behind my back to spread the word.
Now, that I come to a conclusion that you can't be trusted.
The trust that I had for you is now gone.
You gave me a reason to no longer trust you with anything anymore.
Dangerous WatersYou only see broken, empty shells,Dangerous Waters4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
They cut your aching feet,
And give you a sense of solitude.
You walk into the waves,
They soothe your pain,
They relieve you of sins.
You want to run away,
But every time you try,
The call becomes louder.
And you are so tired,
So tired of running,
From the call of soothing waters.
So you swim,
Engulfed by the comfort,
But these are dangerous waters.
You're swimming too far out,
The tide will catch you,
Drag you under.
You will never resurface.
ViolinistGraceful, deliberate strokes of a violinists bowViolinist4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Acting as vestigial extremity, key to the creation
Of waves and brilliant sounds echoing throughout the halls
of an empty domicile
Like tides in their natural way,
An ever constant rising and falling of immensity abroad
Virtually endless sanded beaches and rocky shorelines
Remember me.We were seventeen when we met.Remember me.1 year ago in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
The first thing you said to me
was "Open your eyes
You were a collection of
skinned knees and your
father's broken promises,
holding onto your fears
like miniature phantoms
clinging to the bit of skin beneath your eyes,
the indentations of muscle in your chest.
You taught me how to make
You taught me that every little
every pop of pain,
was God's design,
and if he was a painter,
you said I'd be the Mona Lisa.
You said I was a work of art.
You made big towering claims
like your hopes for San Francisco,
you piled me up like cities and skyscrapers
and buildings tourists flocked to
just to take a photograph,
capture a single memory.
When I broke my bones,
you laughed it off and said,
"People, we're just like
big versions of dolls,
snapping limbs and
cracking under pressure
the way anything does,"
and after getting pissed and
nursing my cast,
My Last RideI've looked forward to this day since the ride opened. I've always loved roller coasters, but I'm afraid of heights, so I never went on the ones with loops. I slowly started riding bigger coasters and... well, when this opened, I knew it was time.My Last Ride2 years ago in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
It's the biggest roller coaster in the world, and this is the only park it's been built at. I had to travel from the United States to the United Kingdom, and it took all my life savings, but... I won't be needing that money anymore. I told myself I'd ride this coaster without second thought, no matter what the cost.
It's not for everybody. In fact, many are horrified by it. Hell, when I saw the scale model of it, my heart leapt into my throat and was struck by excitement and fear. I never thought it'd be built in my lifetime... it's time to face many things; my fear of heights, my fear of loops, and most of all... it's time to face death.
The Euthanasia Coaster begins with a 1600 top, and the ride up is extremely steep. It's so steep, you'd f
Memory's PainCut my chest open,Memory's Pain3 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
let me bleed.
Find my soul
and set it free.
Tears of red,
Leave me be,
life's a blur.
Alone she treads
mist in moonlight,
a mirror broken.
Find withered dreams
in torn up pages,
for death is gained
in memory's pain.
Just a Fashion?Emo. We've heard this term for years. I don't exactly remember when it actually started, but I didn't personally hear of it until my sophomore year. All we had was punk and gothic, but now gothic and emo are completely confused with each other. And now I'm ashamed whenever people accuse ME of being emo because they don't know the difference. Not even Southpark knows the difference.Just a Fashion?2 years ago in Emotional More Like This
The problem is, emo is associated with "emotion," but a depressed emotion at that. When people think of emo, they think swoopy haircut colored black, black clothing with occasional stripes, plaid, checkers, etc., hate for the sunlight, hating EVERYTHING, and writing depressing poems... oh, and cutting yourself! This is the problem...
There are people who do all these things that are not emo. I knew a very popular girl in 8th grade, Courtnie (yes, with an i), and she confided in me that she cut herself too, showing me her marks. Mind you, this was your stereotypical preppy ditz that was pretty much better tha
15-SuicideI committed suicide long ago,15-Suicide6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
And, then I soon arrived in Hell.
When Satan asked if I'd like to see,
The life that had been planned out for me,
I smiled and laughed,
There wouldn't be much to see.
Then he switched on the screen,
And, as I looked on I began to cry.
Because what I saw,
Was the life I had meant to live,
This perfect life that had been awaiting me.
High school went by so quickly.
All those awkward years that had made me do this,
Didn't seem to have any meaning in my future.
I saw my father cry as he gave me away,
I saw my fiancé smile as he mouthed the words,
"I love you, darling."
I saw my beautiful children grow up,
And move away to college.
I saw myself laughing,
Happier than I'd ever felt.
We laughed and cried,
And went through both good and hard times.
My husband passed on,
We were so much in love we were as one,
And as he died I died, too.
Instead of dying the way I did,
I died so old and loved,
So warm in my bed.
Instead of dyeing at thirteen,
Instead of commit
listen:1.listen:2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
People will let you down.
You’ll love them, anyways.
Don’t let anyone romanticize
It won’t be beautiful
when somebody breaks your heart
the first time
or the second
or the eighteenth.
Pain is not beautiful.
Maybe on paper
but not inside of you
not in numbers.
A million people
but you’re still here,
and that's important.
You're doing something
My father told me
“Be selfish –
if you don’t take care of you
I liked to think
that this is the reason
he ignored me
I don’t have good advice
on this one.
Because the people who let you down,
are the ones promised to save you.
Are the ones promised to love you
and protect you
and I’ll tell you,
nothing quite hurts
like waking up in the morning
to the police in your doorway.
Nothing quite hurts
like being eleven
and hearing a cop say
“Poor girl had to live wi
eight things about growing up.eighteight things about growing up.3 years ago in Emotional More Like This
I told my brother I was going to be a fairy when I grew up. Or a bird, or sprite something with wings so I could touch the clouds.
I learned that fairies weren't real when I was six, after I tried to jump off a parking structure to see if I could fly.
That day I also broke my leg in three places and saw an angel's face in the clouds. (And don't tell anybody, but sometimes I spend all day looking for him.)
My neighbors back in Denver had a son who was a schizophrenic. After he went off his meds for the third time, he painted the windows red and told his wife she had to abort their baby because it wasn't human.
A year later, I heard that he was arrested after pointing a hunting rifle on his family. It was loaded, but he didn't pull the trigger because his mother said she trusted him.
I guess love is kind of like that, too.
Seattle didn't come until I was fifteen, in October.
My family and I took a boat ride on Friday. We listened to the captain