Curiosity Killed the Self Confidence.I've been fighting off the curiosity,
who I am and who I'll be.
This chip on my shoulder,
my destructive tendencies,
they've become the better part of me.
I don't have the sense of self,
the childlike wonder,
I once adored.
Because I've spent months,
Reeling from the sadness,
scraping myself up from the floor.
But I spend my time grasping for someone,
who wont hurt,
and won't betray..
And I know deep down,
that I should dream to be something more..
But I'm afraid
I've been shaken,
down at the core.
Behind the MaskFor a while now,Behind the Mask2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
There's been a mask.
A mask to over my face,
So people wont see the real me.
Wont see how broken I am.
How broken my life is.
There was one day,
That I thought it was the right time to let go of my mask.
My security blanket.
I let myself feel.
I let myself care.
I let myself get hurt.
I've learned to much,
To be this stupid.
I guess old habits die hard.
Maybe one day I'll actually be happy,
And not wear my mask to cover it all up.
A New and Bright FriendshipIt's always been hard to explain my feelingsA New and Bright Friendship2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
But right now I'm speechless
I've never thought I could care so much
Yet here I am
Offering my help and support
No matter what.
Some of my darkest corners
Smile when I talk to you
My worries begin to fade
And my stomach feels warm
A new and bright friendship
I'm just glad I met you.
Hell Doesn't Even KnowI want to cry so much...Hell Doesn't Even Know2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Maybe I'm happy,
Maybe I'm sad.
I feel so alone,
Yet I've been with people all day.
I feel so unloved,
Yet I know I have people who love me.
I can't talk about these feelings.
I can't open up when the door is locked.
And the key is lost.
I want to inspire,
But I just recieve empathy.
I want to die,
But I keep on breathing.
I feel so confused, lost and all alone.
The feelings inside me are too strong for my body.
I don't want someone to understand.
I want someone to give me the answers to why I am like this.
And a solution to fix the massacre inside me...
Another NightThe boy watched as night fell.Another Night2 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
He knew what was coming.
Soon he would be in hell.
His emotions were numbing.
Ever night was the same.
He'd suffer all alone.
He'd play this evil game.
The feeling was well known.
First would come the boredom,
then the sadness and apin;
and then he would panic;
his thoughts would go insane.
With the razor in hand,
his wrists were in danger.
More cuts, his thoughts demand,
his mind full of anger.
This self-harming he craved
was awful for his health.
He needed to be saved;
who'd save him from himself?
He watched the viscous blood
as it circled the drain.
He fainted with a "thud"
whilst outside, fell the rain.
His loud alarm woke him.
He peered in the mirror.
The light was on, though dim,
so he could see clearer.
He rubbed his eyes awhile.
"Another day," he sighed.
He put on his smile;
behind it he would hide.
Social AtrocityPaper thin morals and a paradoxical existence.Social Atrocity2 years ago in Songs & Lyrics More Like This
Life would be so great if you could only run the distance.
All being and nothingness,an empty shell of presence.
Your pity becomes you and your existence precedes your essence.
You don't know what you want or are,
or what you even hoped for.
I can see your blank and empty eyes looking down on me.
Is this pointless figure everything you dreamed to be?
You are a download.
Your empty conscious leaves your imagination free.
A digital monstrosity, a simple thing of mediocrity.
Painful and cold, your life has been sold.
Your thoughts are compressed and hardwired.
Your ideas are not yours and your soul is tired.
Your purpose has been greatly exaggerated.
Sometimes It Feels LikeSometimes it feels like I am holding fire, or water, or maybe a mix of the two because I am drowning and burning up at the same time. My insides are mixing and falling into the wrong places, dizzying, unpredictable, blackout. And these days I feel my skin burn with an anticipation of a hunger that I never feed anymore. Ladders building up my arms to climb to my head- nerves bursting with a need and I am relinquishing my power over my emotions by denying myself the very things that let me feel. I can't look you in the eye anymore, I can't find a handhold, a hand to hold, someone who doesn't tell me I'm crazy for the way I dream. For I dream, and my dreams are nonsensical and always filled with a thousand wishes for the wrong things.Sometimes It Feels Like2 years ago in Emotional More Like This
I don't want more regrets marking me as insane.
I run my hands over themselves, feeling my face and my arms and my legs, I need to know that I exist. And the nighttime nightmares of three years ago are crashing back and I am scared that I am losing th
Help MeI'm lost in this hollow placeHelp Me2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
This frame I live in can only hold me up for so long
I'm breaking inside and I'm falling apart
Is no one here to hear my silent cries?
I want to escape from this place
And the only way out isn't a choice
The doors are locked the key is lost
I can't see
The darkness is overwhelming
My only sanctuary is when I have lost myself
Far away on a dirt path leading to nowhere
Where the trees change colors and talk to me
And there is nothing I can do
This road is going downhill
And I can't seem to run fast enough
I'm falling to fast
And there is no one to catch me
I'm losing myself
This time I can only go so far.
Fragile Little ThingHave you ever felt like your heart was gonna collapse?Fragile Little Thing2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Just give in from all the pressure that's building up
Inside your chest
You start to get that hot feeling
That spreads throughout you
You can feel it as tears gather
Just waiting to be released
Your breathing goes ragged
And your heart starts racing
It's the sign of a breakdown
You're on the verge
Of everything falling apart
Like you're shattering
Into a million pieces of glass
Without any hope
Of ever putting the pieces back together again
Crank Up The MusicCrank up the music,Crank Up The Music2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
And drown out reality.
Let it consume you,
And make your dreams come alive.
You can be anything that you want.
Just become one with the music.
When the music is on,
Your life is different.
Nothing else matters but the music you are listening to.
So crank up the music,
And tune out reality.
Become one with the music.
WeaknessI lay my head down to sleep,Weakness2 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
Always hoping I never wake.
I walk blindly across the street,
Praying drivers make a mistake.
I am naked in a blizzard,
Shards of ice pierce my heart.
I am numb to joys I never knew
My insides have been torn apart.
I am lost under the sea,
Lungs screaming, miles from air.
I fake a smile and pretend to hear
But I am deaf, a mask I wear.
I stand on lifeless stony ledge,
Below I sense the water's hunger.
I cannot force myself to jump
And yet can't stand pain any longer.
The New Generation Is SelfishIt’s hard to hide the truth from everyone elseThe New Generation Is Selfish2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
There’s not much to do but to point and laugh
That’s all that most of them really do
Taking pretty much everything for granted
Bet they wouldn’t survive a day out on the streets
Without some help from home
Tell you all that they don’t need some help
That they are fine on their own
Leave some food on their plates saying that it’s crap
They scream in anger about everything
That’s not gone their way
Dear god the new generation is so selfish it’s unreal
Go out every night looking for some fun with their friends
They get drunk hoping for someone good looking to fuck
Doing drugs because they want to feel the effects
Not giving a damn about what their parents think
For all they care they just need to have a good time
Even if they become underage parents in the meantime
Tell you all that they don’t need some help
That they are fine on their own
Leave some food on their plates saying that it
Just a Taste.I knew what would happen.Just a Taste.2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
That's why I slammed every locked door wide open for just one single night with you,
let my lips crash into yours, tasting you like fine wine, getting intoxicated off your texture.
I dared to sink into the pool of warmth you made, limbs desperate to touch, to brush,
your eyes eating me alive, tearing me apart, my freshly tainted lips confessing my desire,
while yours strung out fogs of smoke, hinting that this, too, was merely a guilty illusion.
Just a kiss, just a moment, just a memory relived a thousand times.
But I knew what would happen.
That's why I didn't push you to finish the sentences that you dropped, forgot unexpectedly,
why I didn't clutch you to my chest, whisper a coo in your waiting ear, dream of tomorrow.
My mind knew before my heart could accept that strange gaze that struck your coffee circles,
The past memories I choked up, that old flavor resurfacing when I finally put it all together,
But still I bathed in the emotion, luxuri
poemhere i lay beside youpoem2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
gazing upon you bare before me
and in the curves of your body i can see my future unraveling
every pore in your skin a new adventure
every other centimeter calling out
waiting to be touched
and i cannot resist
i cannot withhold
the desire within me
to embark on a voyage through you
filling every crevise
until i can recall each piece of you as if it were my own
and end my journey
resting my head upon the peaks of your breasts
able to hear your heartbeat
like a song that only sounds when we are together
telling us that in this moment
it is only us
and will remain that way forever
fading segment of lifeIn memories of your lifefading segment of life2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
you've died so many times.
Memories of distant days
memories of unseen dreams.
you've died inside.
Inside of your silence,
your voice screams with
Memories of your distant life
and you'll fade inside.
In search of light,
your eyes see nothing
but the agony of your screaming
tone that never stops biting you.
You're all alone
in this fog,
living of the memories
of the life that is distant
to your sight.
Crashed and bitter
you die along with
dreams that are never going
to be seen.
Semi-Detached.Semi-Detached.Semi-Detached.2 years ago in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
She was very sensitive.
As if the volume was turned up in her head.
She started using her mother’s sedatives,
As a solution for her sleepless nights in bed.
She couldn’t connect with any of her relatives,
They never showed an interest in anything she said.
Her attempts at socialising were tentative,
So she conjured up imaginary friends instead.
Her dogged detachment was her only imperative.
She could not risk the chance of being misled.
There was no one to peel back the layer of negatives.
Too many years of tears have been bred and shed.
The smile she occasionally displayed was purely decorative.
She knows people will judge her before they have even read
Her story because they’re too caught up in their own narrative.
They only take the time to read your book once you are dead.
They say we’re born alone and die alone.
As humans we are built to survive and consume.
Even if you are raised from a loving home.
You can still feel out of place in your ow
Twelve/Twenty-Nine/Twelve That night when it was just you and me,Twelve/Twenty-Nine/Twelve2 years ago in Emotional More Like This
laying on your bed in complete silence, you kissed me.
It was quick and all I could do was stare at you while I felt
my finger touch my bottom lip, as if something that had been
there my whole life, had now been stolen away.
You looked back at me and we both met in the middle,
only stopping to take the breaths we unfortunately
needed to take to stay alive. I had never in my life fallen
into anyone the way I had fallen into you, it felt like
I was lost somewhere only you could pull me out of,
and the only way to do that, was to take your lips off of mine.
You kept grabbing my face and pulling me closer to you,
my hands were busy grasping at any part of your body I could reach
to feel you against me, but I just could not get close enough.
It felt like I needed you, I didn't necessarily want you, I fucking needed you.
It's been hard not to keep track of the days, but I have,
and it's been fourteen of them. I can't stop thinking about
SanctuarySanctuary, this place that I find in only one place.Sanctuary2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Yet the torment of the world still reaches me there
Their words do not matter.
But the way they watch drives me crazy
This Sanctuary I find alone
Brings peace to my soul
As it rips and tears through my flesh.
Oh Beautiful Sanctuary.
The critical state of hollowness I enjoy sitting in the corner of the room with the lights off & reminding that things once were a heavier burden for me to carry within. Yet it just doesn't mean that they aren't still as heavy as they once have been. I keep this burden here inside so I'm not injuring anyone else but me, so I'm not being unfair with anyone else, so I'm getting what I deserve & then letting go of it like I let go of people only in appearance; because their ashes are still here inside & they burn me up like I was a home set on fire. I'm a destroyed home, though I'm not a home for my old self any longer, and I keep thinking that maybe this is the right thing, that maybe this is the best, so I won't be hurt anymore, so I'll just inhale & exhale this carbon monoxide without harming anyone's feelings, so I'll just be me; & being me is hurtful.The critical state of hollowness2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I keep myself from things that may harm the within me irreversibly, because the out
The Old WellMy destiny calls from the depths of the well,The Old Well2 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
The sound of the water my own death knell.
Spirits pass upwards and through the stone,
Leaving behind pennies people have thrown.
The well is filled with the souls of others,
All of whom strayed from the same path.
Every fate as damned as another's,
Consumed by this ancient curse's wrath.
Mysteries surround this age-old dwelling,
I, a servant of this ancient foretelling.
My heart lies at its base,
My life removed without a trace.
Love Like PoisonAll the stress is pulling me under, tie me up and throw me in. I want to drown in you, I want to leak into your flesh and get under your skin. You have the perfect body for infection, I want to make it my home. Mark me with your deadly bite, your violent kiss, toxin dripping from your lips. The disease is slowly spreading through your heart and lungs, stinging and eating away at your brain, but deep down, you know you like it that way. Let the sickness devour you, swallow you whole. Your body is mine, your blood is mine, your heart and mind and soul are mine. I can rip you apart so beautifully, wouldn't you like to see?Love Like Poison2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
The Last LullabyAt home she sits alone,The Last Lullaby3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Staring at the bare ceiling,
Waiting for the sun to rise.
She can't sleep,
She can't even close her eyes,
She's locked inside,
No way to escape the chains that hold her down.
But no one is coming to save her
Because no one knows that she's locked up inside.
the only sound is the silent cry's from the shadows.
Their taunts tell her to give up,
And let in full darkness.
She cannot decide,
Her fate is unknown,
Her tears fall from her face into the darkness,
But she is not the only one stuck inside,
There is another,
Wishing she would notice them,
Because they know a way out,
The only way out.
But she is not listening,
She cannot hear,
Her dreams turn into nightmares,
Her light turns into darkness.
But she still has the choice,
To choose the darkness,
Or the light.
AloneI walk through all the hard timesAlone3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
hiding the pain and sorrow I feel
No one understands
Everything is going numb a feeling I can't explain.
I walk alone, heart empty
For no reason at all
Constantly fighting myself again and again
to understand why.
Everyone is so stressed too busy to understand
No time to talk
So many friends hurting inside
To afraid to let it out
Don't want to let the walls down
But eventually we all break down.
I walk alone through the memories which I have pushed away
Playing the moments I wish I could fix.
I can't do anything just right
There is always a flaw
I'm one big mistake
If I could I would erase myself
So I wouldn't have to live with this fear.
I walk alone down the forest path
Staring into the river I look at myself
Disappointed at the person I see.
I sit alone thinking about the things I've done.
How long will I be alone until I fade away?
Forgetful MeI've forgotten who I amForgetful Me2 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
Like a shadow in the night
Lost in an ocean of darkness
Until someone shines the light
Can you please help me search?
For a forgotten past
I long to be myself again
This is happening all too fast
I've forgotten who I am
Like a light in a deep mist
I’m too far out of reach
Yet I’m still within your midst
Can you please rescue me?
Bring back life to a dead mind
The doctors say it's all over
We're running out of time
I've forgotten who I am
Or how you used to feel
Your touch is now replaced
With a pain that's all too real
Can you please help me remember?
Tell me how, why or when
Then I can finally be at peace
With whom I've always been
Manic MirrorIt was like I was sitting inManic Mirror2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
a white chair, plastic
with cigarette smoke
choking to remember, I'm
All I could hear was this
low machinery like rumbling,
piston pumping, an atrial anarchy
blood from the telephone line,
no one receiving, it's deceiving, quit believing
I'm one of the few between
life and death, a breath again
to remember I'm
It was very ominous and
my thoughts would be
sporadic as if they were coming
from outside of me, like I wasn't real,
my thoughts would be
unopened packages, futility pills
designed for your ill conceived
manners, hung banners in lieu of
the dead look in my eyes and
I cry to remember I'm
I kept seeing pipes,
a maze of them with the laughs of
children in masks, but in
slow motion and distorted and
nobody asks my name so
I look in the mirror to try and
recognize the visage, a mirage
in the deserted mind,
tomes of my innocence
passed with the seasons, a treason
on personal liberty and
I'd be a liar to say it's
better this way?