Curiosity Killed the Self Confidence.I've been fighting off the curiosity,
who I am and who I'll be.
This chip on my shoulder,
my destructive tendencies,
they've become the better part of me.
I don't have the sense of self,
the childlike wonder,
I once adored.
Because I've spent months,
Reeling from the sadness,
scraping myself up from the floor.
But I spend my time grasping for someone,
who wont hurt,
and won't betray..
And I know deep down,
that I should dream to be something more..
But I'm afraid
I've been shaken,
down at the core.
Behind the MaskFor a while now,Behind the Mask2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
There's been a mask.
A mask to over my face,
So people wont see the real me.
Wont see how broken I am.
How broken my life is.
There was one day,
That I thought it was the right time to let go of my mask.
My security blanket.
I let myself feel.
I let myself care.
I let myself get hurt.
I've learned to much,
To be this stupid.
I guess old habits die hard.
Maybe one day I'll actually be happy,
And not wear my mask to cover it all up.
A New and Bright FriendshipIt's always been hard to explain my feelingsA New and Bright Friendship2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
But right now I'm speechless
I've never thought I could care so much
Yet here I am
Offering my help and support
No matter what.
Some of my darkest corners
Smile when I talk to you
My worries begin to fade
And my stomach feels warm
A new and bright friendship
I'm just glad I met you.
Hell Doesn't Even KnowI want to cry so much...Hell Doesn't Even Know2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Maybe I'm happy,
Maybe I'm sad.
I feel so alone,
Yet I've been with people all day.
I feel so unloved,
Yet I know I have people who love me.
I can't talk about these feelings.
I can't open up when the door is locked.
And the key is lost.
I want to inspire,
But I just recieve empathy.
I want to die,
But I keep on breathing.
I feel so confused, lost and all alone.
The feelings inside me are too strong for my body.
I don't want someone to understand.
I want someone to give me the answers to why I am like this.
And a solution to fix the massacre inside me...
HappinessShe leaves me frequently, without warning-Happiness3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
this capricious lover of mine.
Without provocation, she deserts me;
without rhyme or reason she leaves me to
complete her madness in the dark.
I forget often that she is Master
and I mustn't question her actions
even though they leave me at a loss.
As I standby, and learn to dissect myself
like an insect speared on a peg,
or a corpse rotting in some grimy catacomb,
I must recite the mantra:
she is god. She is god.
Fragments of days pass by me
and I, in a haze of half-forgotten memory, cannot piece together
any singular moment in time
that could connect to anything else.
There is only her,
and her spindly hands upon my throat
before she finishes her rounds
and smugly skips away.
I try fruitlessly to pick up the
shattered remains of what was once a human life.
Her face is tattooed on my soul.
Her voice echoes in the lonely halls of my memory.
Her touch is a scar upon my existence.
I cannot salvage a thing.
And then, just like the tide,
Hollow Memory of a Distant ShoreYou are like a long passed season.Hollow Memory of a Distant Shore2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
As delicate as the footprints of sparrows in freshly fallen snow.
Intricate, yet so easily disturbed when care is not taken.
Somehow, you have managed to persist after all these years.
Residing in the same quiet place you carved into the woods so long ago..
Only a short ride from the sea.
When you cross my mind, you carry with you the scent of that shoreline.
Harsh and thick, yet somehow placating.
Though the weather was perpetually gray, misty, and cold.
Much like your heart had become..
Just before we painfully, and slowly, parted ways.
I recall with deep longing your fascination with foxes.
With the way they would trot up and down the beach in the early morning,
Their coats most often wet and muddy from crossing into the tide.
I could see the subtle enthrallment in your eyes as they dug for clams.
They would thrust their forepaws deep into the muck, throw it backward..
And at times, to my assuagement, you would smile.
Now, it feels more dist
Another NightThe boy watched as night fell.Another Night3 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
He knew what was coming.
Soon he would be in hell.
His emotions were numbing.
Ever night was the same.
He'd suffer all alone.
He'd play this evil game.
The feeling was well known.
First would come the boredom,
then the sadness and apin;
and then he would panic;
his thoughts would go insane.
With the razor in hand,
his wrists were in danger.
More cuts, his thoughts demand,
his mind full of anger.
This self-harming he craved
was awful for his health.
He needed to be saved;
who'd save him from himself?
He watched the viscous blood
as it circled the drain.
He fainted with a "thud"
whilst outside, fell the rain.
His loud alarm woke him.
He peered in the mirror.
The light was on, though dim,
so he could see clearer.
He rubbed his eyes awhile.
"Another day," he sighed.
He put on his smile;
behind it he would hide.
The Old WellMy destiny calls from the depths of the well,The Old Well2 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
The sound of the water my own death knell.
Spirits pass upwards and through the stone,
Leaving behind pennies people have thrown.
The well is filled with the souls of others,
All of whom strayed from the same path.
Every fate as damned as another's,
Consumed by this ancient curse's wrath.
Mysteries surround this age-old dwelling,
I, a servant of this ancient foretelling.
My heart lies at its base,
My life removed without a trace.
Twelve/Twenty-Nine/Twelve That night when it was just you and me,Twelve/Twenty-Nine/Twelve2 years ago in Emotional More Like This
laying on your bed in complete silence, you kissed me.
It was quick and all I could do was stare at you while I felt
my finger touch my bottom lip, as if something that had been
there my whole life, had now been stolen away.
You looked back at me and we both met in the middle,
only stopping to take the breaths we unfortunately
needed to take to stay alive. I had never in my life fallen
into anyone the way I had fallen into you, it felt like
I was lost somewhere only you could pull me out of,
and the only way to do that, was to take your lips off of mine.
You kept grabbing my face and pulling me closer to you,
my hands were busy grasping at any part of your body I could reach
to feel you against me, but I just could not get close enough.
It felt like I needed you, I didn't necessarily want you, I fucking needed you.
It's been hard not to keep track of the days, but I have,
and it's been fourteen of them. I can't stop thinking about
Help MeI'm lost in this hollow placeHelp Me3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
This frame I live in can only hold me up for so long
I'm breaking inside and I'm falling apart
Is no one here to hear my silent cries?
I want to escape from this place
And the only way out isn't a choice
The doors are locked the key is lost
I can't see
The darkness is overwhelming
My only sanctuary is when I have lost myself
Far away on a dirt path leading to nowhere
Where the trees change colors and talk to me
And there is nothing I can do
This road is going downhill
And I can't seem to run fast enough
I'm falling to fast
And there is no one to catch me
I'm losing myself
This time I can only go so far.
SanctuarySanctuary, this place that I find in only one place.Sanctuary3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Yet the torment of the world still reaches me there
Their words do not matter.
But the way they watch drives me crazy
This Sanctuary I find alone
Brings peace to my soul
As it rips and tears through my flesh.
Oh Beautiful Sanctuary.
poemhere i lay beside youpoem2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
gazing upon you bare before me
and in the curves of your body i can see my future unraveling
every pore in your skin a new adventure
every other centimeter calling out
waiting to be touched
and i cannot resist
i cannot withhold
the desire within me
to embark on a voyage through you
filling every crevise
until i can recall each piece of you as if it were my own
and end my journey
resting my head upon the peaks of your breasts
able to hear your heartbeat
like a song that only sounds when we are together
telling us that in this moment
it is only us
and will remain that way forever
I know pain.I know pain.I know pain.2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Pain is my friend.
I don't bruise, don't scar.
At least not on the surface.
Oh, but I'm so tender.
It hurts so bad.
Even just a touch.
Just a nudge.
I cripple to the cold floor.
I know kisses.
Not on the lips.
Never on the lips.
On the neck.
On the cheek.
Even when you're gone.
They remind me of the pain.
Even when you're gone.
I feel the spaces between my fingers.
The ones that were filled by yours.
I feel the water in my lungs.
Your helping hand to comfort mine.
I see the faces.
People I once loved but no more.
I feel the darkness.
Where we hugged.
Where we closed our eyes.
Then the darkness within me.
And the light in your eyes.
Not in mine.
Never in mine.
Oh, the way our bones fit.
A puzzle finally complete.
Then you just leave.
My puzzle lacks the center piece.
Your reflecting eyes.
Mine dulled by pain.
The pain is my friend.
I know pain.
Crank Up The MusicCrank up the music,Crank Up The Music2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
And drown out reality.
Let it consume you,
And make your dreams come alive.
You can be anything that you want.
Just become one with the music.
When the music is on,
Your life is different.
Nothing else matters but the music you are listening to.
So crank up the music,
And tune out reality.
Become one with the music.
My Guard Is UpI was so vulnerable a long time agoMy Guard Is Up2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
That my heart has put up walls.
My heart is being guarded by walls,
So that I don't get hurt again.
Maybe that's why I don't fall in love easily.
Maybe that's why I don't know how to love someone.
I am so scared of getting hurt that I distance myself,
And I don't show my feelings to the one's I love.
I keep everything bottled up inside
Because I don't know how to show you my feelings.
I don't know if you will understand any of this,
But I will try my best to show you how I feel.
My guard is up because I don't want to get hurt.
My heart has put up walls,
And it has no desired to tear them down.
LostAn innocent girl travels down the road,Lost2 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
A dark and endless street that stretches on,
A cold and cruel world where all erode,
With raven blackness covering the dawn.
One cannot bear such coldness all alone,
The madness of the darkness takes its toll,
The silence deafens all within its drone,
Her sanity is nearly swallowed whole.
But just before, lights flicker on to life,
Illumination on the broken path,
A sign of hope, an ending to the strife,
A bright chance for a blissful aftermath.
The lights upon the streets are all your friends,
Don't give up hope, for darkness has an end.
Deep WithinI've taken what I've held withinDeep Within2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
And shoved my hand real deep
And pulled out what was inside
What I held so deep within me
It's black and hollow
And nothing can be heard from it
Even though it's screaming
No one's ears will it ever reach
It was thrashing, turning and pulling
On everything that held me together
Making everything it touched negative
And making me hard to be around
It killed my heart
It burned my soul
And threw it down a well
Because no one needs a heart or friends
When you have loneliness
ErrorsCold breath on my purple lips,Errors2 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
The sensation touches my ears’ tips
Echoes of dead roses in a fierce-some gloom
My sorrow follows me as though it’s in full bloom
The open air levitates my still form
The coldness shocking me like a magnetic storm
I lay lifeless, colder, stiller, than my skin an icy blue
Spread out as to catch this morning’s dew
The mist is like a comforting blanket
My head, stripped of innocence, a blank planchet
Waiting to be stamped by my failures
Rather than face my sneering errors
Can’t I stay here, to be kissed by memories?
Ladled out from the stagnant pool of the centuries
Soothing fingers stroke my paled cheeks
Briefly fading out the hovering foggy weeks
Desensitizing me from my looming shadows
Their softness producing sensations like hanging at the gallows
Dried leaves fall silently covering the dead in their pressure
The drying blood glues them down and shuts you out forever
WeaknessI lay my head down to sleep,Weakness2 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
Always hoping I never wake.
I walk blindly across the street,
Praying drivers make a mistake.
I am naked in a blizzard,
Shards of ice pierce my heart.
I am numb to joys I never knew
My insides have been torn apart.
I am lost under the sea,
Lungs screaming, miles from air.
I fake a smile and pretend to hear
But I am deaf, a mask I wear.
I stand on lifeless stony ledge,
Below I sense the water's hunger.
I cannot force myself to jump
And yet can't stand pain any longer.
Don't Ask For MeScraped skin on your knees I see,Don't Ask For Me2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Bearing compliments and a single flower with a droop in its neck,
Smothering the stem between your fingers, you clasp your hands
You beg and plead for a favor from me
You're mouthing these words into nearly full-blown paragraphs,
And you fill your mouth with saliva, almost drooling
As if they were waves crashing against an insubstantial barrier,
Your lips open and close with every utter,
And you describe the beauty of me,
And you soak your words with a depression that is almost touching,
And yet your eyes don't have the same feeling
You say that you want to be my knight,
And you say that your heart still carries a love for me,
And you try to remind me of all the other times,
The times of laughter and all,
And just to remember...
You try to say that you can make changes,
All the changes for the better and for my sake,
Yet what is the hint you can't take?
The changes I want are hurtful,
And I need no changes, I want to change no
The Art Of Falling ApartIf falling apartThe Art Of Falling Apart3 years ago in Concrete Poetry More Like This
Was a type of art
You'd be the Picasso of all pain
Beats the finest tapestry
Woven from a raging flame
The tears that you cry
Outshine each star in the sky
And the blood that runs through your veins
More red than the most brilliant rose
It runs from your head to your toes
You have scars where your skin met the edge of a blade
But like words in a book
They need not be overlooked
They tell a story in a way of their own
All the blood that you shed
All the times you wished you were dead
They speak of despair and they speak of sorrow
So now you've mastered the art
Of falling apart
Now you're a canvas of black and blue
Using a blade for a brush
And for one final touch
I'll put a stroke of love in you
The New Generation Is SelfishIt’s hard to hide the truth from everyone elseThe New Generation Is Selfish2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
There’s not much to do but to point and laugh
That’s all that most of them really do
Taking pretty much everything for granted
Bet they wouldn’t survive a day out on the streets
Without some help from home
Tell you all that they don’t need some help
That they are fine on their own
Leave some food on their plates saying that it’s crap
They scream in anger about everything
That’s not gone their way
Dear god the new generation is so selfish it’s unreal
Go out every night looking for some fun with their friends
They get drunk hoping for someone good looking to fuck
Doing drugs because they want to feel the effects
Not giving a damn about what their parents think
For all they care they just need to have a good time
Even if they become underage parents in the meantime
Tell you all that they don’t need some help
That they are fine on their own
Leave some food on their plates saying that it
The Pain WithinLet go of your hate,The Pain Within3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Your revenge can wait.
Whoever did you wrong,
Can never know the hurt,
That made you strong.
You know it's a part,
Of you're aching heart.
Whoever broke your smile,
Can never understand the pain,
That turned you vile.
Don't give up on love,
Though you'll feel rough.
Whoever killed your hope,
Can never believe the longing,
That more you cope.