Calm on the OutsideShe's hurting,
She's crying inside.
And hiding her eyes.
Yeah you wont,
hear a thing,
It's a-ll inside.
Her smile's a lie.
She stares out,
And wishes to die.
When she'll jump,
She'll finally fly.
See her face,
She's hiding it all,
So you wont,
Yeah you wont,
See her fall...
Calm on the Oustside, written by Emma Thrussell, 27/11/12
ThoughtsI'm so sick of not being perfectThoughts2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I'm sick of hurting people
I'm tired of doing nothing right
I'm tired of holding back
Let me scream
Let me lash out
Let me show you the other side of me
And try telling me you still know me
Everything confined inside
It builds until I almost burst
My eyes grow heavy
My fingers claw at my arms
Tear out my hair
Twitch for the blade
I hold back
But I can only hold so much
Then I do it again
I screw up
And I fall again
Self-loathing is almost a comfort
I often wonder why
Why am I this way
Why am I messed up
Answers won't be found
I'm sick of hating myself
I'm sick of hiding it too
I'm just tired of the pain
I'm tired of taking it out on myself
Let me hide in the dark
Let me face it once again
Only through self-destruction
Can I build the true me
I wish I wasn't this way
I wish I knew how to stop it
But it's there
I only hope you still accept me
I find comfort in one
Who's eyes aren't blind through my self-hatred
FragileI know that you're broken,Fragile1 year ago in Songs & Lyrics More Like This
And that your pieces are scattered,
I know that you're bruised,
And that your pale skin is battered.
I can see the scars,
That you're trying to hide,
And I can see the hurt,
Burried beneath your pride.
You're barely holding together,
Your tattered, fraying threads,
The harder you try to keep it in,
The more the hole spreads.
Stop trying to battle alone,
When I'm here with sword in hand,
I can help you pick up the pieces,
There'll be nothing we can't withstand.
Don't give up the fight,
My friend who is so fragile,
Take my hand and let me hold you,
Let me love you for a while.
You think that it's not worth it,
And just want to give in,
So you run the blade down your arm,
Breaking your heavenly skin.
I wish that I could show you,
How much you mean to me,
But you just push me away,
And wallow in your debris.
Why can't you see what I see?
I think that you're amazing,
I love your scars, and your wounds,
And your eyes that are always blazing.
I am giving you my all,
I'm ScaredI'm scared to love someone.I'm Scared1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
I'm scared of what might happen.
I don't want to let someone in,
Because I don't know what might happen.
I'm afraid, and I shouldn't be.
I shouldn't be afraid of something
Like this, but I am.
I know what love is,
I have seen it,
And I have felt it,
But I'm still scared.
Maybe I'm scared
Because of what happened last time.
It didn't work out,
And it didn't turn out that great.
I was miserable,
Because I didn't know
What I was supposed to do.
I didn't know how to love someone,
Maybe because I didn't know
How to love myself.
ShardsThe dream shatters around me like a broken mirror.Shards1 year ago in Songs & Lyrics More Like This
Pieces of you surround me, but nothing seems to be clear.
I'm still cleaning up the mess you made.
You should have put down your fear,
You could have stayed.
I'm done chasing.
I've stopped running.
Have you even noticed that I'm walking the other way?
I'm cut by the shards of what's left of who you were.
Red tears stain the surface while the world is in a blur.
I Am That GirlI'm the girl who writes poemsI Am That Girl1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
Because it helps me get my feelings out.
It's the only way I know how.
I'm the girl who will love anyone
No matter who they are.
I'm the girl, who can be annoying at times,
But I love life and everything in it.
I'm the girl who will always make
Room in her heart for someone,
Because I love just about everyone.
I'm the girl, who will flirt with you,
But never admit to you how I really feel.
I'm the girl who will truly love you.
No one will ever love you as much as I do.
My Soul to KeepHeart beats fast,My Soul to Keep1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
nerves are stretching,
so close to snapping.
Try to calm down.
Take a deep breath,
feel so weak,
so close to death.
and the clock's ticking slow.
When will it be over?
When's my time to go?
about to break.
God, I'm here,
my soul to take.
Take it now.
I'm really done,
tired of fighting,
don't want to run.
I just want to rest,
just want to sleep,
take me forever,
my soul to keep.
Do You Remember?Do you remember that poem you wrote me?Do You Remember?1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
Well, I found it the other day.
It was in my jacket pocket.
I didn't know one piece of paper
Could bring back so many memories.
It's amazing how long it has been
Since you gave it to me.
I am thankful that
I had you in my life.
All the good and bad times,
They made us that much stronger.
Thank you for coming into my life.
Thank you loving me.
I couldn't have asked for anything better.
So you see what a simple
Piece of paper with words on it can do.
It made me remember why I cared so much.
It made me remember you,
So thank you for writing it.
The feelings I can't expressTimes like this when I can’t find the rights words.The feelings I can't express1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
Times like this when I find myself crying.
As I have no way to express.
But this pencil twirling in my hand.
Sometimes I’ll make art, and proudly show it.
Sometimes I’ll make shit, and quickly destroy it.
With either I find they both seem to end in the same way.
With a simple message, strewed through long and tedious words.
That could be said much simpler, and probably has.
But still I say it, for it’s all I have.
Nightmares and fears. Part 1They say you can't feel dreams,Nightmares and fears. Part 12 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
They say nightmares aren't real,
But they're wrong.
Dreams are windows to the subconscious,
Nightmares are reminders of our fears.
When the mind tries to tell us something
In a dream, or a nightmare
We feel it.
Oh, we feel it.
Have you ever woken in tears?
Have you ever been afraid of the truth?
Have you ever been afraid of yourself?
Sometimes nightmares don't just remind us
They make us relive our fears,
And in doing so it strikes us
No matter what the fear
And that emotional pain
Yeah we feel that.
The most broken of them allWith broken wings we try to flyThe most broken of them all2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Fly so high to touch the sky
Will we succeed or will we fall
And become the most broken of them all
StrengthAfter everything that she has been through,Strength1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
She finally feels her strongest.
She feels like nothing can bring her down,
And for the first time she’s happy about who she is.
She no longer thinks that she is useless.
When she looks in the mirror
She sees someone who is pretty
Rather than ugly.
It took her awhile to get where she is now,
But she is forever grateful for the obstacles in her life
That made her strong.
Her new found strength
Makes her feel like she can do anything
And she can be anything that she wants.
She is finally the girl that she wanted to be,
But finding that girl took a little while
And took a lot of pain and heart ache along the way.
But she did it.
She survived the pain and heart ache.
She rose above when everyone expected her to fall.
Those that have brought her down
Have made her that much stronger.
She has lost someone that she has loved.
She was dying on the inside,
While on the outside everyone saw her fake smile.
But now everything has changed.
I Still Love You (revised)I'm sorry I'm not perfectI Still Love You (revised)2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I'm sorry I can only try
But it hurts when you get angry
And you don't explain why
You look at me in tears
N' sometimes you almost shout
The frustration you bring upon me
N' the anger you bring out
I'm mad because I care
I want nothing more than to see you smile
I just want to help
And believe me
I'll be here a while
When you cry
My eyes tear at the seams
When you're sad
Rain clouds haunt my dreams
But when you laugh or smile
My lips curl up too
You still make me so happy
I only wish I could express
How much I love you.
We all make mistakes
We all do things we don't mean
And I forgave you before it even happened
I'm not as upset as I may seem
We've had good times
And we've had bad
But no matter what
Being your friend will always keep me glad
We both have other friends
Who I care about too
But you're the only one through the phone
To whom I want to hang up and whisper
I still love you.
HopeHope is just the liesHope2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I tell myself
Hope tells me tomorrow
Will be better then today
So I don't cry myself to sleep
Hope whispers that next time
I'll do things right
When I only make it worse
Hope says that everything will be alright
When I know it won't be
Hope promises that there is a perfect
Person for me and that one day
I'll find that person
Hope shouts that one day
I'll do great things
And will always be rememebered
So that I'll never truely die
Hope sings of a better place
When there isn't one
Hope mocks that it could be worse
But most of the time
I'd do anything to not be me
Hope is merely a lie
But that's okay
Because a lot of things are lies
We Lost Each OtherI regret the day that I lost you.We Lost Each Other1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
I should have tried harder,
I should have made more effort,
But you should have too.
We both loved each other,
But I guess not trying resulted in us
Losing the person we loved the most.
I've never loved someone so much
Until the day I met you.
Maybe if we had tried harder
We would still be together.
But at the same time
If we have stayed together
Then we wouldn’t have met other people.
We wouldn’t have gotten the chance
To fall in love with someone else.
We wouldn’t have gotten the chance to let go
And learned to start over
Even though we lost each other,
We gain so much knowledge from it all.
We found out who we really were,
And what we want out of our lives.
So maybe losing each other was either
The best thing or the worst thing,
But neither of us will know how the other still feels
Because we lost each other.
RevengeHurt them,Revenge1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
Make them pay.
Can’t get away.
They will pay.
Remember what they did,
Think of what you’ll do,
You need to avenge yourself,
Because no one will remember you.
Night Time Has ArrivedThe sun has set,Night Time Has Arrived1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
And the night has arrived.
It's a different world out there.
It's scary, dangerous, and dark.
It makes me so alive.
I fit right in with the animals of the night,
And they graciously accepted me.
Night time has arrived.
The darkness has set in,
The stars and the moon
Shine so brightly.
The cool crisp air
Awakens my senses.
It's almost like we have become one.
I fit so perfectly in this darkness.
I never want to leave this place.
The crickets, and the strange noises,
Make me feel at ease
Because I know that night time has arrived.
Today, I cried.December 10th, 2012.Today, I cried.1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
Today I cried.
I wasn't bullied today.
Neither was I bullied yesterday.
Nor am I going to be tomorrow.
But I cried.
Because I relived every moment.
And that was enough.
I succumbed to my emotions.
Today I cried.
I wasn't particularly weak today.
Neither was I weak yesterday.
Nor am I going to be weak tomorrow.
But I cried.
Because I relived every moment.
And I'm not ashamed.
I succumbed to my emotions.
But... I'm not ashamed.
Today I cried.
But that's just the way I am.
Once in a while, you just need a good cry.
To remind yourself of:
the little emotion you have left.
This is My VoiceThis is my voiceThis is My Voice1 year ago in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
It wasn't my choice
I never learned to... be quiet.
Graves are only boxes
I'm not dead yet, but who's counting?
The clock is
Time doesn't exist-
I don't cut my wrist
I'm not pissed
But I'm sad.
I want to be a writer
But instead, I'm bitter
Down comes the rain,
pitter patter pitter
Against the window pane
I don't really know how to rhyme
But if I had a dime
For every time
I crumpled up a piece of paper,
I'd be rich.
But I'd have to give it all back for wasting trees.
You can't win against society
They don't get that people come in variety
Causing people anxiety over their body
And the way they look.
They bring out the book
I say, "What book?"
They say, "The bible."
Is it really that reliable?
Christians are undeniable
After All..I am a flightless bird,After All..10 months ago in Emotional More Like This
And that's alright.
It can't be helped,
My wings have been clipped.
But not out of love.
My wings were clipped out of fear,
A fear that there are things I cannot do.
So I watch you fly,
Fly fly fly.
You beautiful bird.
You're so colourful and bright,
I'm nothing but a background dull grey.
Go and fly,
No need to wait up.
I keep clipping my feathers because I don't think I'm ready to fly.
You can sing all your songs to me when you come home,
You keep learning new ones every time you fly.
And each time you fly,
You fly farther and higher.
And your at a point right now that when you fly,
I can't watch anymore.
And when you come home,
I'm happy your back.
But I'm also sad,
Because deep down I want to fly away with you.
And be with you all the time.
So from my cage I'll sing my songs to my self,
The same ones I've known since I was young.
I'm too scared to fly.
MaybeJust give me one dream that isn't see-through.Maybe1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
One substantiated claim to reality,
that I might hold onto life with.
Every quivering cell, mid-osmosis, begs you
for a shred of dignity with my tea.
Just one chance for something heavy,
something hard and room temperature. Real.
I don't want to look through my day dreams
and see someone else's face there.
I don't want to dream of those people
who may make, or break me, in the future tense.
I am tired of milky white and reflective black.
It is time for a life of colour and hope -
and not looking back to see if the past
matches up with the jigsaw map to the end game.
I want to be in the game, participating,
feeling, like I might make it there one day.
Just give me something, that I can hold onto;
something harder to see through than a whisper
of that voice in the back of my mind that says
What Happened to Her?What happened to her?What Happened to Her?1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
What happened to the girl she used to be?
She became someone different.
She let go of the old her
And she became someone else.
She became the girl, who wore make-up,
She became the girl, who wanted to be pretty all the time,
She became the girl, who cared about how she looked,
And cared about what others thought of her.
But most of all she became the girl she said she would never be.
Maybe she has changed for the better,
And maybe she didn’t.
Let’s just hope she knows what she getting herself into.
Since she has started to change
She has felt so much better.
She feels like she belongs,
And she finally feels whole.
I often wonder what happened to her.
I wonder if she still lingers inside of her
Waiting for the day that she can come back,
But the truth is, she doesn’t want to be her again.
She doesn’t want to be that broken person that she was,
Maybe someday she’ll look back at the old her,
And realize how much she has changed
You Could Have Told MeYou could have told me the truth,You Could Have Told Me2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
But instead you decided to lie to me.
Come on I'm not stupid,
I know very well that you were lying.
You're not that hard to figure out.
You could have told me that we were over,
But instead you chose to mess with my emotions.
You shouldn't play with my emotions,
Because I may just lose it.
Just because I was fragile a long time ago,
Doesn't mean that I am not now.
You could have told me that you didn't care,
Maybe then I would have left.
You're not worth my time,
if you just don't care.
But this time around I'm telling you.
You're not worth my tears,
and i won't settle for anything less than I deserve.
I'd Be Pretty If I'd Just...I'd be pretty if I'd just smileI'd Be Pretty If I'd Just...1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
If I'd cut my hair a certain way
And cover myself up in that chemical crap you call make-up
But did you ever think that just maybe...
I don't wanna be pretty
That I just wanna be me
Who cares if no one ever calls me beautiful
Who cares if I'm never asked to dance
Hell I don't even know how to dance anyway
I don't care how the world sees me
I only care how I see me
And I think there's nothing wrong with the girl in the mirror
Sure she doesn't smile much but that's cause she's going through hell
Her face may look plain without any make-up
But that's just the way I like it
An old pair of jeans
The first t-shirt could find
My hair in a braid
I'm ready to go
To where no one cares just what I look like
Least of all me
It's a barn full of horses
That's where I choose to spend my days
Where no one cares about what I wear
Where I never have to hear "I'd be pretty if I'd just..."
In absence of a poem.I chewed my pen to the nibIn absence of a poem.1 year ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
and swallowed the ink thoughtlessly,
but no matter how long I thought,
I couldn't say what you mean to me.
I tried, I tried and I tested,
every word in my diminutive range,
but I screwed up more pieces of paper
and happened upon something strange;
I noticed words, which have served me,
for all of my formative years,
had no power to convey my gratitude
for the times that you dried my tears.
Whenever I doubt myself (often),
You're the one who tells me I'm wrong
You lift up my chin and remind me, wait
for the good things that will come along.
I can't find a way to express how
you are the saving grace in my head.
So words can't tell you how I love you -
I hope my silence will tell you instead.