i am tired of being told i will be okaysee,i am tired of being told i will be okay1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
that's the thing
all anyone ever
tells you is that
it's going to be
(you are telling me
that you are leaving.)
they don't tell
you what to do with
the pressure in
your chest on
the dark days,
or how to
uncurl your fists
from your hair
or your nails
from your skin.
(you are telling me
that you don't know if
you are coming back.)
maybe i don't want
maybe i'm tired of
only ever being
(i am building walls
again and you are prying
my fingers from my hair.)
i want more than this,
i deserve a word so full of
hope and safety that it
weighs my tongue down
give me a mouth full
of flowers and remove 'okay'
from your vocabulary.
i need more than this.
Suicide NoteI couldn't quite explainSuicide Note2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Why I wanted to kill myself.
Maybe it was my desire to drink myself into oblivion
Or the craving to leave a slew of little lines all over my body.
Maybe it was the memories of you
And the terror of all the things you did to me,
My only problem for over a year,
And I couldn't get away.
At this point I have a warped perception of love.
I feel my pours clog with hatred,
As I can feel myself disintegrate into unimportance,
Never to be truly loved.
Maybe it was my awakened sleep
That couldn't protect me from the shadow
Of the darkest nights.
Demons suck my soul out through my lips,
A kiss like yours that stings in the morning.
As my eyes feel heavy from vodka,
I head to the medicine cabinet
To erase every trace of you left in me.
I dream of the music they might play,
When all are dressed in black
And tears coat caked faces.
They cry over the memory of me,
My damaged flesh meaning nothing.
We all know it never did.
2 Cold 2 BleedOn frozen nights when it is too cold to bleed,2 Cold 2 Bleed2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Those are the times I am afraid to dream.
When conversation brings unwanted memories,
Tears flowing in streams until I can finally breathe.
The truth is that getting over things
Is what I do best sometimes it seems.
But how the sun shines when he speaks to me!
And I find myself wanting to know everything.
I want to look through his eyes, to see what he sees,
I want to know if he ever thinks about me.
In the end though, I shyly retreat.
I can't allow him into my reality.
I know I could love him, most certainly.
But we all know what happens...
when someone is loved by me.