Now that I wear short sleeves to school, I can openly joke about my self harm, which feels SO good. Honestly, I never mean disrespect by it, and I usually make the joke so personal it directly points to me only (like this one ). I never seen anyone who harms themselves who can't laugh at a little joke like that though, because honestly, humor makes dealing with it just that much easier. Some of my jokes are rather tasteless, but as long as at least one person laughs with me, I won't stop making them
Hey, everyone! Guess what day it is! No, it's not Hump Day, that was yesterday. It's October 10th!!! What's so special about this day? Well, three years ago on this day, a cartoon that changed the way people thought about men, and for some people, one of the many reasons why humanity has failed, aired its first episode. That's right, today marks the third anniversary of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Now, before I start with the real topic of this sketch, I will tell you all the story of how I became a pegasister in the fist place. Okay, so the first time I heard about this whole fiasco was around... late summer/early fall of 2011. At the time I thought, "Oh, bronies and pegasisters are trolls, they're all just doing this to be ironic, it's really about pissing people off, and yadda yadda yadda," so pretty much Adam's reaction in that episode of Teens React. So, if you are reading this, chances are you were a troll in my eyes when I was fifteen... and that does include some of my favorite artists and YouTubers. Months later, I found out my brother was a brony and I thought "Oh fuck! Now HE'S dragged into this!?" And he would bother me to just watch the show. Months after that, I finally decided to watch the first two episodes just so he could shut the fuck up already, and ever since then, I was hooked. So, for this sketch, to celebrate the show's third anniversary, I decided to make a top 7 list because I was watching an Ish List video earlier. You know how some shows get their own spin off series? Some were very good and most were not so good. But, since we're talking about My Little Pony here, a few spin offs would actually be a good idea to me. So here are my top 7 characters from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic that deserve a spin-off series. Keep in mind that these are all solely based on my opinion and you are allowed to think otherwise. Also, this will not be limited to just main characters. Background characters are included in this too.
At number 7, we have everypony's favorite lazy-eyed, muffin-loving pegasus, Derpy Hooves. Ever since "The Last Roundup" rose in popularity because of Derpy's only three lines in the entire show, and the countless amount of fan art and YouTube videos the pegasus gets, I thought... "hmm, wouldn't a series of her screwing things up and trying to fix it be awesome?" I mean, we had other beloved series about people screwing things up like Kenan & Kel and Drake & Josh, so Derpy could revive this tradition, as long as it's done right, and it can be a big old "fuck you!" to all the soccer-moms out there that were involved in her censorship who think otherwise.
Speaking of background ponies, at number 6, it's Doctor Whooves. If you know me personally or at least seen my profile, you would know that I am a diehard Whovian. So, a spin-off series revolving around Doctor Whooves would be like a Whovian whose also a brony or pegasister's dream come true. Think of all the awesome adventures that Doctor Whooves would go on in his TARDIS, the foes he would face. And to me, Octavia would make a great companion! Yeah, I'd ship it. Although I think Octavia would have a hell of a lot more character than all the other companions. And, referring to one of the My Little Pony Additional Songs episodes, maybe Trixie WOULD make a great Dalek after all. DON'T GET ANY IDEAS, BRONIES!!!
At number 5, it's the most popular villain in the entire fandom, Discord. I mean, he is the best villain in the entire series in my opinion, and not only he is the definition of a troll, he can shuffle like a BOSS! (Plays the clip of Discord shuffling while the Party Rock Anthem is playing) And why aren't there any spin offs about villains in general? I mean, besides Wicked because that was an uncannon prequel/midquel, despite that it is one of my favorite musicals, so it doesn't count. Any-who, where was I? Oh yes! Why don't villains have any spin-offs? Discord is one that has to have one.
At number 4, it's Spike the Dragon. When it comes to television, most people would say that the sidekicks are deserving of a spin-off series. Spike, in my opinion, is one of those sidekicks. Kind of like Derpy's spin-off, Spike would probably be in bad situation after bad situation after bad situation, because he is pretty much always in bad situations in his starring episodes. And I can already imagine him having the best one-liners. One of them may or may not be this.
[Stoner Spike] Smooth move, smart guy!
Exactly. And it needs to have an upbeat, catchy, 80's sitcom theme.
We're moving on to the Mane 6 now. At number 3, it's Miss Marshmallow Hands Her Hotness herself, Rarity; and not just Rarity, Rarity and the rest of her family. After watching the "Sisterhooves Social" episode, I thought to myself, "this family really needs to have their own show." We had so many popular sitcoms about families like Full House, Modern Family, Arrested Development, Family Matters, The Simpsons, I can go on. Besides, imagine all the shenanigans these guys can get into if they did have their own show.
Speaking of families, at number 2, it's the Apple family. There have been quite a few episodes revolving around the Apples, so it's only fair that they have their own show. Some may not think so, but like Rarity's family, the Apple family would also have a lot of funny shenanigans like every other sitcom family. I already know how I want the theme song to go.
(To the tune of the theme from The Addams Family) There's Granny and there's Bloomy There's A.J. and there's Macy They're altogether wacky The Apple family
Special thanks to wolfjedisamuel for the lyrics. I mean, how can you go wrong with a theme song like that... except for the possibility of getting sued.
And finally, at number 1, I'm gonna let you predict before reading any further because I am the most predictable person ever. (5 seconds later) Time's up! At number 1, it's everypony's favorite pink hyperactive party pony, Pinkie Pie! I mean, come on, people! You all saw this coming! She's my favorite character for crying out loud! Not only that, but imagine all the fourth wall jokes, cartoonish gags, and one liners if she had her own show! It would be like Looney Tunes all over again, only not as good because nothing can beat Looney Tunes. If you've seen my profile, you'd know that I'm a huge fan of Warner Bros. cartoons, Animaniacs is the one that I talk about the most, and my heart still belongs to Yakko. And I also felt this Warner Bros. vibe to Pinkie that made me think, "she should have her own show!" Just as long as she doesn't get drunk on camera... or take her shirt off.
[Applejack] Uh, beg pardon, but we don't normally wear clothes.
...Okay, as long as she doesn't get drunk on camera.
Well, those are my top 7 My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic characters. There are many more characters to me that deserve their own shows, but I narrowed it down to only seven because this list would be too long, and I wanted to do an Ish List-esque sketch. Which characters on the show do you think are most deserving of a spin-off show? Thanks for reading, and happy third anniversary to My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.
You just kidnapped me,what would you do? 1.Rape me 2.Kill me 3.Let me go 4.Tie me down 5.Tea party 6.Make out 7.Video games 8.Movies 9.Never let me go 10.Poke (you can pick more that one its not one of those "pick one and that's it" deals oh but you do have to say them in the order you'd do them in!)
death is happier than life and the life you live is one that cheats death stopping your heart from ending its pain, when deaths grip cannot grasp your life and take away the sadness.
It has brought you then you know that life has decided it is best to torture those who are weak, those who are vulnerable and those who would give their heart to one love only.
And then be thrown down into the obis where they know their love has permitted their death.
Love is the cause of pain and suffering so the more your heart grows the more you see the life you wish you had ended.
I keep having nightmares.
The last one i had was about me being left all alone by people i love and care about,and i started to self harm and when i saw blood coming from my wrist i woke up crying.
I keep having the same dream.
I think im going to loose you.
'you can't loose us, you're stuck with us and we shall annoy you forever.'
Is that a lie?^
I started to self harm again.
I keep self harming, i can’t stop!
'Don't i'm serious now, i know how it feels when you self harm the physical pain takes away the emotional pain but i seriously regret it because i just worried people from doing it and that wasn't good'
I have started to eat less, let me starve myself in peace!
I have only had an orange today and that’s all im eating.
I self harmed when i was like year 6.
I’m so im so done with my life.
'i had a bite of my sandwich, threw that away then had some icing off a cupcake, please don't start talking like me too that just makes it worse!'
I want to die.
i sit here every day thinking of you.
Wondering what i will do without you.
Now that i have lost you by death thing will never be the same.
I want to stop crying and be happy for you.
But being happy wont make the pain go away.
The day is okay but at night its always the hardest time.
To move on and forget you is one thing i simple cannot do.
I think of you by day and dream of you at night.
I will never forget you.
I lost a family member recently and i don’t see the point in living anymore, i self harm and i starve myself, but the only thing that is keeping my here
is my friends my family and my wonderful boyfriend.
Death is main reason why i haven’t been posting on tumblr.
I do want to post more i will get back to doing soon when im fit enough to do.
If i don’t post then …you will probably no why
thank you to the followers that send me little messages that made me smile. you guys are awesome and i love you
Zee walked along the street, alone. It was a street he had walked along many times before, but was unlike any other street. It was paved with a strange brown substance, and was soft to the touch. All around him, there were deformed buildings standing randomly. Along the street, there were tiny, colored buildings standing like a soft carpet that came up to Zee's chest. It was a place that had not been traveled in a very long time, full of strange noises that no person could have made. Zee loved it. It was not his, but there was no one else to share in the strange serenity of this place. Not that Zee particularly wanted to be with anyone he knew. They would mock him, insult him, hurt him as they usually did. So he walked on, content. After a time, Zee found his way to an area where no buildings stood for twenty feet in any direction, except for one, laying on its side, one side seemingly mangled horribly. The tinier buildings now grew slender and moved like water in time with the breeze. They only came up to waist height, and looked golden in the light. Sitting on top of the sideways building was a woman. She had on a long, flowing green robe and had long brown hair. She had a strained look on her face. She was bleeding. The woman turned to Zee, looking desperate. The woman didn't move her mouth, but Zee heard her raggedy voice. "Help me." Zee was about to move to help when the entire world suddenly shook with an unbearable ringing. It filled every corner of his mind, distorting reality.
Zee woke up to his alarm clock's screeching ring. He slapped his hand down on the button that used to say "OFF", but now says in big marker letters "SHUT UP". He moaned groggily, obviously not happy to have been shaken from his dream. He threw the covers off of himself, and was greeted by an electronic voice, cheerily chirping, like it cared, "Good morning, Mr. Gray! Today is Monday, April 21, 2231. You have 404 unheard messages, 31 of which were added last night." "Delete all." Zee mumbled. He was constantly plagued by doctors, calling to fix his various "conditions" with pills and plastic surgery. Whatever, Zee thought. Just leave me alone. He put on his normal getup- a white t-shirt underneath an oversized gray hoodie, along with a pair of green cargo pants. He slipped on some socks and his dingy old running shoes that used to be white, but somehow faded into gray. He could've bought new ones at any time with the money all minors got from the government. But he found these comfortable and worn in. Zee rubbed his eyes. They had gotten him in so much trouble, his eyes, ever since he started going to school. Everybody he saw had dull, lifeless gray eyes. So it was only natural that they taunt the skinny kid with eyes that were two different colors: deep purple and green, like the tiny buildings in his dreams. Plus, the "whites" of his eyes were jet black. Most would have taken the pill to change their eye color, but not him. He was proud of his eyes. Besides, they weren't even the most noticeable thing about him. Zee had charcoal black skin, bleach white hair, wasn't muscled like everyone else, had scoliosis, and had bony cheekbones. And to top it off, he had a big white scare across his face. You can imagine how that went over at school. Zee ate his disgusting fake fruit with extreme displeasure. He could taste all the chemicals the put into it. But it was the closest thing to a "real" breakfast as he could get. The electric voice chirped "Mr. Gray, the school shuttle is here. You must leave if you want to catch it." Zee grabbed his book bag, which some punk had written "FREAK" on it. He had decided to keep it, as it was basically what everybody called him, including the teachers. "GOD I hate Mondays" Zee said to nobody in particular on his way out the door. He had no idea what was about to happen would change his life.
So this is a story ive had rattling around in my head for a while now. I doubt its any good, but ive got most of the plot down(kinda) I dunno. The way I ended it seems cliche. Oh well. First try, so what?
We all sat and began talking. Dylan apologized for not getting me anything for my birthday, but I told him he wasn't supposed to get me anything. Mainly because we've known each other for not even a whole week, and because I just didn't expect him to. And he just didn't need to get me anything. I told him I didn't expect him to get me anything, but he kept disagreeing.
I continued listening to what we were discussing and ate my soup and oranges. I finished before everyone else and went to get seconds, along with yet another cappuccino. This time though, I got one orange and a small snack sized bowl of the vegetarian chili. I heard some of the more popular mentals call me a fat pig bitch and say I should slow down on food or I'm going to turn gigantic. It's funny how there's even bullying in buildings full of mentally handicapped people who are almost all the same, isn't it? I walked past the popular table, the table they were talking about me at. I think it's funny how they all dress like sluts, yet they've never had the "D."
"Oh, suck it virginity pudges. We all know you've never actually 'lost it' yet." I said then walked away. I could tell they had they're mouths wide open.
"Close your mouths, you'll catch flies." I told them then sat down.
"What was that about?" Ashley looked at me and asked. I shrugged and told them what the girls said and what I said to those girls. Ashley and Dylan laughed. Jack highfived me.
~3 hours later~
I changed into a pair of sweatpants and changed into a random long sleeved shirt in my dresser. I slipped on a pair of socks and put my hair in a ponytail(polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=73501676) then jumped into bed.
~1 hour later~
I couldn't fall asleep. I got up and turned on the lights and found the CD's Jack got me along with the clock Ashley gave me. I pulled out my laptop from under my bed and put in the Smiths album Jack gave me and turned it all the way to the last song, Asleep. I've heard the song millions of times, and the song always puts me in a peaceful and sleepy mood. The short opening begins and the lyrics begin.
Sing me to sleep... Sing me to sleep... I'm tired, and I...I want to go to bed.
Sing me to sleep... Sing me to sleep... And then leave me alone. Don't try to wake me in the morning, because I will be gone. Don't feel bad for me.
I want you to know...Deep in, the cell of my heart, I'll feel so glad to go...
My eyes were closed, but my mind was open to the slow melody.
,i>Sing to me... Sing to me... I don't want to wake up, On my own anymore
Don't feel bad for me... I want you to know Deep in the cell of my heart I really want to go... </i>
My thoughts cleared and my movement stopped. My body felt heavy, along with my eyelids.
There is another world... There is a better world... Well, there must be... Well, there must be... Well, there must be... Well, there must be... Well ...
My eyes closed and sleep and content filled me up to the brim. I fell asleep right as the song ended.
Chapter 9 "Spike, what have you done?!?" Twilight screamed, after regaining most of her composure. "I-I-I didn't mean it! I got dust in my nose!" the baby dragon replied, starting to remember when Owloicious moved in. "I-I know, Spike. I'm sorry; I shouldn't have yelled at you. Its just, where are we going to find another copy of that book?" Twilight replied, her heart sinking. "Maybe somepony else has a copy we can borrow," Spike said hopefully. "I guess it can't hurt to ask around," Twilight said, not really expecting much. ------------ Lyra was watching some television(what she was watching was anypony's guess), when she heard a knock at the door. "Can you get that, Lyra?" Bonbon called from the kitchen, pulling out her latest batch of candies; the most liked colt in Equestria may have gotten sick, but even that can't stop a pony's sweet tooth. "Sure thing," replied the mint-green unicorn, already on her way. "Hello?" "Hi," Spike said, "This might sound wierd, but you woudn't happen to have a copy of Ancient Equine Myths: Darkness and Light, would you?" "Hmmm, I think I've heard of it before," Lyra replied, thinking hard, "Let me check." She walked over to the nearest bookcase, which was also the only bookcase, since most ponies borrowed books from Twilight. There was a copy of Supernaturals, The Elements of Harmony: A Reference Guide, Fancypants' Book of Fancy Treats, and an assortment of other books, but not a copy of the one Spike was looking for. She returned to the dragon waiting at the door. "Sorry, but we don't have one," Lyra said. "That's okay," Spike said, "Its my fault me an' Twilight have to find a new copy in the first place." He walked off to the next house. "Who was it, Lyra?" Bonbon called from the kitchen again. "It was Spike," replied the mint-green pony, "He wanted to know if we had a copy of some book he could borrow." "Did he say what it was called?" Bonbon asked, coming out of the kitchen. "He said it was called "Ancient Equine Myths: Darkness and Light", or something like that," Lyra responded. "Actually, I do have a copy of that book," Bonbon said, "I kept it hidden because it was my mother's." "Ouch. I just told him we didn't have a copy," Lyra said, "It seemed really important to him." "Well then, we've got to find him," Bonbon said, "I'll grab the book." --------- "Hi, Twilight," Fluttershy said when she opened her door, "What can I do for you?" "Hi, Fluttershy," Twilight responded, "I was just wondering if you have a copy of a book called Ancient Equine Myths: Darkness and Light." "Um, I-I don't think so, b-but I'll check," replied the yellow pegasus, "But, i-if you don't mind my asking, why do you need it?" "Its complicated, but Gentle Wisdom asked me to get it for him," Twilight said, hoping she didn't sound crazy. "He did?!" responded Fluttershy, nearly exstatic, "That's wonderful news!" She rushed off to search for a copy, thinking that this was news even happier than the birth of a whole bushel of bouncing baby bunnies.
A scraggly 28-year-old with a hat that reads ďHANKíS VENDINGĒ is identified by the patch on his blue-collar shirt as STAN. He looks down at the enormous, shiny red basketball shoe that rests in his hands.
A tag on the shoe reads ďSALE: $200.Ē
After a few surreptitious glances, he draws it to his nose and inhales deeply.
CLERK (O.S.) We can find that in your size if youíre interested, sir. The voice startles Stan into dropping the shoe.
STAN (embarrassed) No, no. Thatís alright.
The clerk picks the shoe up and sets it back on the display.
CLERK Well, if thereís anything else we can help you with, just let us know. We close in ten minutes.
STAN Ten minutes? But itís only...
Stan looks at his watch. His eyes widen.
STAN (CONT'D) Oh no! I still gotta eat!
EXT. DRIVE-THRU - DUSK
Stan cranes his head out the window of an old Hyundai.
FEMALE DRIVE-THRU (O.S.) Would you like to try the triple deluxe bacon burger special today, sir?
STAN (hurried) No, just give me the burger I always get.
FEMALE DRIVE-THRU (O.S.) I donít know what that is, sir.
STAN How can you not know what that is? I eat here every day! Listen,
Stan gestures with his hands to the speaker. As he places his order, a wobbling spacecraft crashes silently in the far background. Humanoids can barely be seen scurrying in all directions after a few moments. Stan never notices.
STAN (CONT'D) itís just a hamburger with the onions on top of the patty and the lettuce and tomato underneath it. But the lettuce has to be between the tomato and the patty. And then thereís the mustard on top. Itís got to be a circle about half-dollar size. Same thing but with horseradish on the bottom. You got it?
Static noises and feedback can be heard from the other end.
STAN (CONT'D) Hello? Aw, Jeez.
EXT. HANKíS VENDING - NIGHT Stanís car screeches to a halt in the last available parking space of a huge lot before a warehouse whose great red letters proclaim ďHANKíS.Ē He makes the long sprint to the door toting a small white fast food bag.
INT. HANKíS VENDING - NIGHT A line of men in the same uniform Stan was seen in stand at attention as HANK, 48, husky, and definitely the boss, paces before them. There is a gap in the line.
HANK And because weíve become only the second best vending company in the greater Cleveland area, Iíve decided itís time to step things up with a little friendly competition around here.
Stan hastily takes the empty spot in line and tries to stand straight as he huffs.
Hank allows the silence to call attention to Stanís lateness and approaches him.
HANK (CONT'D) Thank you for joining us, Stan. Please try to do so on time from now on.
STAN (still short of breath) I will, sir.
Hank resumes his official air.
HANK I was just telling the group that weíre getting behind in the rankings. Since our second in command just left for our competitor, I thought the position, and a raise, should go to the man who finishes his route first tonight.
STAN (genuinely excited) Iím glad to hear that, sir.
HANK I wasnít speaking to you, Stan!
The yell causes Stan to jump.
HANK (CONT'D) But I suppose I should tell you that your first stop tonight is the rest area on the lower east side.
STAN (despair) Sir, but thatís the farthest-
HANK Iím sorry, Stan. Everyone else already drew their lots.
Hank takes notice of the white sack in Stanís hand.
HANK (CONT'D) Whatíve you got there, Stan?
STAN My dinner, sir.
HANK One of Stanís famous hamburgers?
Stan says nothing. Hank smiles.
HANK (CONTíD) The guys say youíre quite protective of them. Iíve always wondered why. Letís have a taste.
Hank takes the bag and begins to open it.
Stan looks extremely uncomfortable, clenching his jaw to keep from moving.
Hank takes a great bite of the burger and chews thoughtfully before his expression turns bitter.
HANK (CONT'D) Horseradish and mustard? Thatís disgusting.
He puts the burger back in the bag and hands it to Stan as the other men in line snicker.
HANK (CONT'D) Maybe youíll get that raise so you can afford some real food.
Hank glances at Stanís tattered shoes.
HANK (CONT'D) And some real shoes too. Get out there and stock those machines, men!
The men disperse. On his way out, Stan disgustedly tosses the white bag in the trash can.
EXT. HIGHWAY - NIGHT
A vending truck passes a sign that reads, ďREST AREA 2 MILES.Ē When the truck is fully past, camera moves to reveal a group of young boys rooting around through empty soda boxes beneath the sign.
INT. REST AREA - NIGHT
Stan finishes stocking the second-highest row of soda cans in a Coke machine. The rows below it are full.
As he turns back to the neatly-lined rows of cans on a dolly he wheeled in, he notices an empty slot where a can was.
He looks around. The place is deserted.
He peaks over the far edge of the box on the dolly and sees a dirty BOY about to open the missing can.
The boy dashes away without even looking at Stan.
Stan pursues and manages to grab the boyís calf before he squeezes through the heavy glass door. The boy struggles to free himself.
STAN (CONT'D) Just where do you think youíre goiní with that, buster?
The boy struggles on heedlessly. He begins to whimper.
STAN (CONT'D) Look, if youíre really that thirsty, I can help you out. If youíd just asked first I couldíve-
Stan is interrupted when the boy quickly turns his head toward him. The boyís face is seen for the first time: it is that of a man in his late 20s, but one who has led a life so stressful that certain features look older. His mouth opens, and as an unearthly roar pours from it, his pale face morphs to one gray with thick folds, his eyes flashing silver.
Stan tumbles backward in surprise.
The small man sprints out through the door.
After a moment, Stan gets up slowly, still stunned.
He approaches the glass door by which the stranger escaped. He looks through it, but does not open it.
He turns back around and paces his way back to the dolly.
The rest of the cans are gone. He looks at the machine. It is empty.
Stan stiffens. He wills himself to push his dolly back outside.
EXT. REST AREA - NIGHT
Stan pushes his dolly through the door and looks toward the parking lot.
Three YOUNG MALE humanoids of about the same size as the one Stan just encountered are pawing at the back of a truck that says ďHANKíSĒ in large letters on its trailer. They look as though they are trying to get inside, but they are futilely hitting the truck rather than trying the doors or windows.
Stan hides with his dolly behind a bush.
He notices a large TRASH CAN.
The humanoids are still banging on the sides and rear of the truck, but one by one they look away from it, focusing on something in the direction of the rest area.
A large trash can moves smoothly toward them.
Stan is crouched beneath the dolly that supports it, rolling it so he cannot be seen.
The trash can stops. The humanoids slowly approach it.
When they have congregated around it, Stan springs the thing on them with a great shout, startling them into hissing noises and confusion.
He runs to the truck amidst the chaos.
INT. TRUCK - NIGHT
Stan locks his doors and begins talking on the radio.
STAN Stan to HQ! A full machine load has just been stolen.
Static noises and feedback nearly identical to that heard over the fast food speaker come through.
STAN (CONT'D) HQ, do you copy?
The humanoids begin BANGING on the truck louder than before. Stan starts the truck and REVS the engine several times.
In Stanís mirrors, the humanoids can be seen backing away from the truck and eventually dispersing.
As Stan starts driving away, reveal a HUMANOID lying flat atop the trailer, holding the sides as it exits frame.
EXT. HANKíS VENDING - NIGHT
Stanís truck stops on the outer edge of the parking lot before Hankís. He exits and looks at the warehouse.
The lit windows frame riotous silhouettes to match the distant sounds of destruction. The lights flicker out.
Stan, now with soda in hand, stares brooding. As he stares and speaks, the humanoid on his roof is slowly inching over the horizon created by the trailerís edge.
STAN Jesus; Hank is still in there.
The humanoid leaps on Stan with a snarl.
Stan turns around just in time to be knocked onto his back. The creature, hissing and salivating, holds Stanís arms by the wrists, inching his face toward Stanís.
Stan resists, making guttural noises, too afraid to scream.
Suddenly the creature stops and sniffs. His head whips toward the can in Stanís hand. He snatches it and holds it against his face a moment, cooing, then scurries away.
Stan looks after the thing and catches his breath. He then looks toward his truck.
His hand briskly fills his backpack with soda cans and zips the bag shut.
INT. HANKíS VENDING - NIGHT
The only light in the warehouse pours in through windows from the moon and streetlamps. Furniture shambles are scattered everywhere, employees lie unconscious, and crowds of humanoids feud over the soda theyíve managed to pry from ravaged machines.
Stan keeps quietly to the perimeter, staying out of the light as he makes his way to a room with ďHANKĒ written on the mosaic window of its door. There is a large window that lets in a sizeable spot of moonlight above and a metal garage-like door beside it. Stan enters Hankís office swiftly.
INT. HANKíS OFFICE - NIGHT
Stan quietly closes the door behind him.
Hank is hiding beneath his desk.
STAN What are you doing? This door wasnít even locked!
HANK They havenít come near the door. Thereís no soda in here. All they want is the soda.
STAN Where are the keys?
Hank throws Stan a key ring. Stan locks the door and pockets the keys.
HANK Who are they, Stan?
STAN Your new best customers; only they ainít payiní.
HANK Theyíre gonna take everything!
STAN The main garage is still closed. Insurance should cover the rest. Letís just try to get out of here.
Stan turns toward the door.
HANK Iím not going out there!
Stan stops, turns back to Hank.
STAN Youíre just going to stay here? With them?
HANK Well...I guess not. Just go out and make sure the coast is clear, okay?
STAN How about that promotion?
STAN No one else made it, did they?
HANK Well...yeah, okay. If we make it out of here, youíre second in command.
Stan smiles and starts to exit.
Stan looks back.
HANK (CONT'D) Lock the door, okay?
Stan barely suppresses a laugh.
INT. HANKíS VENDING - NIGHT
Stan quietly closes the door behind him locking it with his new keys, but any triumph on his face is quickly wiped away.
A CROWD of humanoids create a semi-circle around the scraggly man. The foremost of them are lit by the light falling from the window above Hankís office, but the silhouettes behind seem to stretch forever. There is one more distant silhouette that is about the height and width of an elephant.
Stan swallows hard and smiles meekly. He slowly begins to take off his backpack.
The humanoids look interested. They move slightly closer.
Stan has the bag open now. He pulls out a can.
An anxious murmur pervades the crowd.
Stan chucks the can over the crowd before him. An audible scuffle ensues, but the semi-circle remains. Those unable to reach the can soon direct their attention back to Stan.
Stan begins throwing cans in all directions.
Greater scuffles ensue.
Stan tries exiting at a few slight breaks in the semi-circle, but finds each to be a dead-end of shuffling bodies. He is finally pressed back into his original place.
The humanoids look at him expectantly.
Stan looks into his empty bag, then smiles meekly at the crowd.
The elephantine silhouette begins growing in size. It is getting closer, apparently sliding across the floor.
Stan reaches for the keys and turns to the door to Hankís office. He fumbles for the correct one.
The figure is much closer.
Stan hurriedly inserts the key and turns it as fast as he can. It breaks inside the lock. Stan flushes pale.
A thick, slimy TENTACLE extends from the figure into the light. It attaches itself to a humanoid who is crouched on the ground, enjoying a soda can. It lifts the thing into the darkness. Screams, crunching noises, then silence are heard.
Stan looks frantically around. He notices the garage door. A lever marked ďLIFTĒ is encased in thick plastic. There is a keyhole at the bottom of the encasement.
Stan begins trying keys.
The QUEEN, an enormous, tentacled slug with a mouth so large it might not need its massive teeth to swallow Stan, enters the light with a moaning roar.
Stan tries keys faster. The Queen and her subjects begin closing in on him.
A key slides in, Stan turns it, and the encasement pops open.
The Queenís tentacles are inches from Stan.
Stan thrusts the lever upward and curls into the fetal position against the wall.
A loud metallic noise precedes a mechanical hum interspersed with ratchet noises. The initial noise takes the humanoids slightly aback.
More of the crowd can gradually be seen in the new light that sweeps over them with the opening of the door.
Inside the door are endless rows of vending machines, stark still in the foggy luminescence.
Light from the now open door is cast on the ogling eyes of the many creatures and the monstrosity that is their queen, all immobilized by gazes into the light.
Stan opens one eye, then begins to let his body uncurl. He looks at the crowd.
Silence. Stan finally lets himself relax a bit, but is still wary.
FIGURES come out from behind the Queen and begin making their way through the shadowed portion of the crowd.
Stan squints to see them.
Into the light emerges a PARTY of three creatures: two stronger males with arms locked in a seat that carries their PRINCESS, a feminine creature adorned with a silvery soda can breastplate.
In her hands is a lavender cushion, atop which rests the shiny red basketball shoes. They are resting sideways, openings facing one another, and appear to be on top of a thick black ring of a handspanís diameter.
As the party reaches Stan, they lift their princess so her head is level with his. She gets her face close to his and appears to smile. Stan faintly tries to reciprocate.
The girl takes the shoes in her hands. As she lifts them, it is apparent that the sneakers are bound to the thick black ring. She ceremoniously places the ring on Stanís head so that it rests atop his ears and across his nose, the openings of the shoes near his nostrils.
Stan looks around in disbelief.
The crowd begins bowing and chanting.
The princess is still transfixed in an admiring gaze.
After looking across his new subjects, Stan finally takes a deep, long sniff. He smiles.
INT. FAST FOOD RESTAURANT - DAY
Creatures crowd the soda fountain, clambering to drink directly from the various valves. Tracking around the room, we see some small ones harassing a young female employee in uniform, one spinning gleefully in the swivelling device that stirs the milkshake machine, and many others wreaking general havoc. The tracking shot finally stops on Stan, sitting calmly at one of the tables. Hank, dressed in chefís attire, places a plate with a burger on it in front of him. Stan picks it up and takes a bite. He nods.