Your name is John Egbert, and you really don't want to leave this wonderful apartment, and all of Texas. Dave sits on the couch, looking up at the ceiling with his hands folded in a proper manor. You kind-of want to go over to him and give him a big giant bear hug, and give him a little peck on the cheek, and hope maybe that he would do the same. Hug you, and maybe even if he likes you that much he will give you a peck on the lips, and maybe not just a peck, but a meaningful kiss. You really don't want to leave so soon, but your things are already packed, and you are already standing at the door. You know it has to come to an end, but now? Of all the times, it has to be now.
Your name is Dave Strider, and you are sitting on your ass wondering if you should do what about to do. Your best bro is about to walk out that door, and if you don't say something quick hes gonna be forever out of your god damn reach. You want to grasp him in your hands and never let go, and you want to do so many other things too. Make him love you and only you. Make him want to make so many gay babies. Okay you admit that sounded really uncool, but do you really care? No, you don't think you care at all. Suddenly, you feel arms wrap around you lightly. They are the arms of Johns, so you put his head closer to you bringing in a little bit of a kiss.
Your name is now Bro Strider, and you are wondering what the fuck is going on. Your bro has found a liking to this derp that acts like a lady. Oh shit, hes bringing them into a kiss. Fuck. You speak up, "So, Johns leaving soon right? Too bad, hes such a nice kid." You see them back up and look away from each other, Dave having a little bit of a blush on his face, barely showing though, and John who is blushing like a virgin that he apparently is. You honestly don't believe John is a virgin, because he looks so adorable that he could get laid in 6 seconds flat. You know this cause of the fact your bro just tried to kiss him. If he's that kissable, he wouldn't be blushing like a nun would if she just had sex. You don't think people would be shy to go to him, more of the opposite; him being shy to go near girls, and guys. You don't understand how this works out, but you go with it anyway.
You were almost kissed by the one and only, Dave Strider. You admit its a little silly since you aren't that good looking, and you don't have that many friends to begin with. You just have Dave, Jade, Rose, and some troll friends. You find it funny your blushing like a virgin, and that Dave would even like you that way. His brother made it worse by reminding you it was time to leave, and even more worse that he's the reason your this red! Yeah, you are a nice kid at times, but if they found out what you did at times, that would be very bad. You were a complete idiot walking into clubs when you were sixteen. A complete idiot who had so much time on his hands. You remember when that one girl was drunk enough to lay her hands on you, though you really don't know if she was really drunk or not.. If they found out your past, you would be doomed.
You just got beaten up mentally by your own bro. He totally ruined the moment of stealing a kiss from John. You believe he likes you too, but your not all that sure when he always says he's not a homosexual. You hope he's been lying the whole time. You really do. "Are you sure he can't stay a little longer, I think I might be catching what I had before.." You say, with a little cough. "Dave, are you sure your not just love-sick?" Bro said with a smirk on his damned face. He was dead meat now. He can't just say something like that and get away..Your face had been smeared with a blush, and same for Johns. John looked at you in surprise. His eyes were going to suck you in, so you look away from him. You see him in the corner of your eye though, and hes looking down, still having that dorky blush on his pale face. Your brother chuckles at his cruel thoughts. "I'll call Egberts dad and tell him he will be staying longer then he expected to." he tells you both, and walks away to the phone.
Your name is John Egbert, and you are so very lucky to have Daves bro on your, and his side.
Looking for someone to chat with... (so, please wait) You are now chatting with a person, say hi. ▼: sup ▲: hey! ▼: im not lauren if thats what youre gonna ask ▲: oh, darn. you totally struck me as a lauren. ▲: it's too bad your bro didn't name you that. ▲: it fits you way better! ▼: yeah i know the dumpass ▼: its like god dude do you not know a lauren when you see one ▼: so what you up to over there ▲: nothing much, to be honest. ▲: you would think god tier would include some kick ass quests or something. ▲: right now i am actually talking to one of your consort dudes too! ▼: nope just includes clothes you cant even wake in without falling over ▼: oh god those nakking little bastards ▼: good luck getting a single coherent word out of those idiots ▲: okay, i have gotten way better at walking in this outfit! i have only tripped like three times today. ▲: and he actually seems to be smarter than most of the others! ▼: is this some kind of super secret retarded heir of breath training thing ▼: like you have to learn how to walk in this six foot long hood to master the breeze or some shit ▲: maybe, dude. do not question the ways of the heir of breath! ▲: i am sure my hood is good for something. ▼: im not gonna i mean what does that title even mean ▼: i mean i get the windy bit but what the fuck is heir supposed to be about ▲: i honestly have no idea. ▼: unless youre just inherting the egbert love of baking and cakes and shit ▲: hahah, you are so funny. ▲: baking is pretty awesome, okay? ▲: don't be jealous because all you can make is a cup of noodles. ▼: baking is for old ladies and ghost grandmas ▼: shit man i could be a master chef if i wanted to ▼: just eating is for pansies and cooking is for even bigger pansies ▼: all i need to do is heat up a burrito and im set bro ▲: geez, you really need to eat better. ▼: no i dont dude this diet is fucking strider approved ▲: strider approved pretty much certifies it as being horribly bad for you. ▼: i still find the energy to be a goddamn rooftop ninja ▼: and was in way better shape than you were at the start of this ▲: haha, i guess that is pretty true. ▲: i am sorry not all of us can be bad ass ninjas! ▼: yeah its alright its not your fault you got all the pansy genes ▲: that is such a despicable lie. i am totally not a pansy at all, what are you even talking about. ▼: dude at the start of this thing you were all oooh dave how do i hammer nooo theres a monster daaave what do i do ▼: who had to tell you how to use your strife spectibus bro ▲: oh, just because i didn't know all the mechanics of this game i am a pansy? ▲: that is so not fair. ▼: sylladex wasnt really this game though it was fucking everywhere ▼: or maybe it was part of this game since apparently weve been part of this since we were goddamn born ▼: or made in a lab by you rolling your face across a spacekeyboard either way ▼: shits migraine inducing ▲: i am like your ecto-doctor dad! ▲: you should treat me with more respect, since i made you and everything. ▼: no dude that is intensely disturbing ▼: you are not becoming our dad ▼: your more like ▼: our midwife or something ▲: why do you have to stomp all over my hopes like that? ▲: so not cool. ▼: sorry bro i know youve always wanted to worm your way into the strider family somehow ▼: but youre not being my dad i am fucking older than you for gods sake ▲: yep, you caught me dude. ▲: no you aren't! ▼: technically yeah i am ▲: your meteor just crashed a little earlier. ▼: and i was therefore around for a few months longer than you timewise ▲: whatever! hold your petty age victory over my head, i don't care. ▲: i still will live with the satisfying thought that i saw a baby dave and it was adorable. ▼: what no you are not allowed to pull that shit ▼: babydave is a thing which you are not allowed to think about ▼: and i have been a badass from day one any you know it ▲: but you were so cute, dave! ▼: no i was a badass baby ▲: all you did was climb all over me, dude. there was not that much badassery. ▼: i was probably just establishing my superiority even then ▼: punching you in the goofy snout and marking my territory and shit ▲: no, i think you were probably just getting out your urges to touch some egbert. ▼: yes i apparently have some kind of weird electra complex for you dude you got me ▼: from the very moment of my creation ive wanted to do nothing more than cling to you like a fucking ninja koala baby ▲: heheh. ▲: ninja koala baby? ▲: oh my god. ▲: that is the most adorable thing i have ever heard. ▼: fuck no its not ▼: take out the koala okay you didnt hear me say koala ▲: yes it is! oh man, i definitely did. you said koala. ▲: i am telling this to jade! maybe she will draw it for me. ▼: no i didnt the word koala has never even been said in the strider household ▼: no goddamnit i dont need jade spamming me with weird furry art ▲: haha, okay, chill. i won't tell jade if you don't want me to. ▲: and i will pretend that i never heard the word koala. ▲: even if i totally did. ▼: good exactly see youre learning things egbert ▼: things like "shut up and do what dave strider tells you" at long last ▲: yep. you are like the best teacher ever. ▲: i don't know why i didn't see it before. ▼: exactly im your fucking sensei in not being a blubbering idiot ▲: i only wish to one day live up to your legacy, dave! ▼: a noble aspiration if i ever saw one john ▼: see youll get places in life with goals like that ▲: oh, sweet. i am glad i have some sense of direction, finally! ▲: why are you just so amazing? ▼: yeah you have basically been adrift in your life before you met me ▼: just natural egbert dont try and compare yourself to me ▲: haha, okay, enough of that. ▼: yeah i think weve officially explored your desires to be a coolkid enough ▼: if i was lalonde id be scratching down notes and now asking you about your childhood or something ▲: you know me so well. ▼: damn right i do ▲: have you been reading my diary or something, man? ▲: it is a little creepy, the obsession you seem to have. ▲: all this information on me and shit. ▼: you keep a diary bro ▲: ... no. ▼: oh man you so do ▼: its just pages and pages and pages of mr john cage written over and over ▲: no way! that is totally girly. ▲: dave, don't even go there. ▼: haha holy shit you are the worst liar ▼: oh i went there dude i touched on the sensitive issue of your manbrocrush on nic cage ▲: geez, you just know me better than i know myself. ▲: except i totally do not have a manbrocrush or anything like that on nic cage. ▲: i have a manly affection for his movies. ▼: oh yeah its matthew mccooughenyahatha however you spell his name ▲: matthew mcconaughey, and no it's not! ▲: it is actually you i have the manbrocrush on. how could you miss that? ▼: uh ▼: yeah youre hilarious egbert ▲: what, does that bother you or something? ▼: are you seriously setting up a game of gay chicken over here bro ▲: there is a game called gay chicken? ▲: i was being totally serious and have no idea what that game is. ▼: yeah it is pretty much the nationally accepted game of the homorepressed frat bros ▼: and what the fuck egbert are you messing with me here ▲: it's no wonder you know about it! ▼: because i know you are like the pranking MASTER or whatever ▲: no, dave, there is so much seriousness here. ▼: im not homorepressed man ▲: but thank you, it is true, i am the pranking master. ▲: aren't you? ▼: fuck egbert i repress a lot of shit ▼: but that is mostly just shit that relates to rumps and puppets ▼: not a decent ironic appreciation of mancock ▲: haha, oh, dude, you are totally ruining the facade of seriousness i was trying to set up here. ▲: how do you ironically appreciate that anyway? ▼: because being into rap music living in texas and then being gay is the height of fucking irony ▼: i mean lets face it it is the jewel on my goddamn ironic crown ▲: i will never understand irony. it is just not for me. ▲: but... wait, so you are really gay? ▲: i mean, you are wearing a crown and everything now. ▼: the crown is a metaphor but the homo is not yeah ▲: aw, darn, i was looking forward to seeing you in a crown. that would be pretty funny. ▲: dude, why didn't you tell me before? ▼: just wasnt really a thing bro ▲: i don't know, i feel like it is a little bit of a thing now after what i said before. ▼: its like while we were talking about video games and shit and then later saving the world theres never been an opportunity for me to tumble assbackwards out of my already kind of transparent closet ▲: i guess that is pretty true! ▼: didnt you say you werent a homosexual anyway bro ▼: its cool if youre not i wont think any less of you ▲: haha, oh, thanks. i appreciate your support. ▲: but i am not sure i want to discuss my sexuality! ▼: yeah i know how hard it is being all hetero and unironic and shit ▼: why i just basically told you mine ▼: even after you made some retarded pop at me being all homorepressed or whatever ▲: geez, i'm sorry about that. ▼: im used to your dumbass pranks now ▼: haha yeah manbrocrush whatever hilarious ▲: um, yeah. hilarious prank, right. ▼: uh yeah ▼: that was the thing it was right ▲: yeah, totally. ▼: okay thats cool yeah totally ▲: oh my god, i am sorry this feels so awkward now. ▼: egbert you are like the crown prince of fucking awkward at this point ▲: i wasn't really pranking you, i am just an idiot. ▼: shit really ▲: yeah, dude. i gladly accept my crown of awkwardness and will go sit in the corner of shame. ▼: no no dude get back here and stop looking like a fucking kicked pupp jesus ▼: good god john you know how to make my well of usual sick fires and sarcasm dry up ▲: heh, sorry. ▼: not that im surprised because who isnt crawling all over me lately right haha ▼: fucking like ▼: shit a metaphor theres a metaphor in here somewhere ▲: search for the metaphor, dave, you can do it! ▲: pull us out of this pit of awkward with your metaphorical rope. ▼: no youve done it john youve officially slightly broken my usual coolness ▼: there is a goddamn chip in the corner of my chill and it is all your fault ▲: shit, sorry. ▲: is it bad that i am feeling slightly proud of myself? ▼: nah its an achievement anyway to make me wear an expression anything other than a concrete fucking poker face ▼: you can add that jewel to your awkward fucking crown ▲: heheh, awesome! ▲: i mean, i feel kind of bad. ▲: and there is still a looming cloud of discomfort. ▲: but look at this sweet crown. ▼: so sweet ▼: and why feel bad bro ▲: well, i feel like i kind of ruined this conversation with my stupid fake prank. ▼: well its just been turned into an unusual direction by your usual derpy dipshitness ▼: not altogether terrible direction just veers from the usual road of me in the drivers seat and you bitching at me and asking me for girl advice ▲: i see you got some of your sarcasm back there! ▼: yeah im recovering from that blow to my gay gut you just gave me ▼: slowly but surely working my way back to being up to snarking your sorry homorepressed ass for hours ▲: oh, i am so excited for you to build that snark back up. i can barely even contain it. ▲: hey, i am not homorepressed. ▼: just homosexual then ▲: i... uhh. i guess so. ▲: but only for you, man. ▼: you dont even goddamn know do you ▼: its cool i can run with being your weird gay exception or whatever ▲: i am like davesexual or something, i guess. ▼: lets face it who isnt ▼: that is the universal goddamn sexuality i mean nobody can really resist ▲: well, this definitely makes me feel loads better! ▲: i finally fit in with the rest of the world. ▼: yeah just another member of my every growing harem bro ▲: okay, harem is going a bit too far there, dude. ▼: well maybe you can get special best bro privileges or something ▲: you are just too sweet to me, wow. how did i get this lucky. ▼: yeah i know you are basically the luckiest fucker ever alive right now ▼: people would kill to be held as high in my weirdass eyes as you are ▲: that... is actually really sweet! ▲: aww, man, i am so touched right now. ▼: see now i cant even tell if youre just being a snarky douchebag or not or if my blundering efforts have actually gotten through your thick egbert skull ▲: i was being serious, i swear. ▲: but, uhh... what exactly are you trying to get through to me here? ▼: good because so am i ▼: right lets put our cards on the table then bro since apparently you cannot read anything other than me flipping the table and making out with you ▼: your weird manbrocrush isnt onesided ▲: oh... you... you are really being serious right now? ▼: as serious as i can ever be as the flaming king of irony yeah ▲: but, dude... why? ▼: what do you mean why dipshit ▲: i just, uhh. okay, nevermind. ▼: oh shit okay if this has been some kind of double reacharound prank i will seriously kick your goddamn ass ▲: no, no, i am not pranking you! ▲: i just can't even really comprehend you liking me back. ▲: it is just so weird to me. ▼: i cant even comprehend why this is so goddamn hard ▼: is there anybodys opinion i give so much of a shit about seriously ▲: well, no. ▼: its you i invest the most effort into being the coolest motherfucker ever around seriously egbert get a clue ▲: really? ▲: i am sorry bro, you are kind of hard to read sometimes! ▲: well, all of the time actually. ▲: but that is... um... hehe. ▼: youre smirking like a goddamn idiot now arent you ▲: no, what would ever give you that ridiculous idea! ▼: i might be a closed book but you are as open as your ridiculous nic cage fantasy diary ▲: i do not have a nic cage fantasy diary!! ▼: yeah you do im going to sneak into your room and find it eventually ▼: that shit will be all over the internet in minutes ▲: you are going to sneak into my room? ▲: dude, i am serious, don't you even dare. ▼: yeah im pulling a panty raid on you later ▼: as a totally productive use of my time ▼: and man i hope you know i am so fucking sure you actually have a diary now ▲: don't touch my special slimer ghost boxers if you do, alright? ▲: okay, maybe i do have a diary. ▲: so what? ▼: pffft you are such a girl john ▼: i can imagine it now ▼: dear diary today i watched con air again nic cage is sooo dreamy also i talked to dave he is so awesome hehehee love john xx ▲: hahah, okay, wow. i want to go write that just for you now. ▲: you are out of luck, anyway, since i brought my diary with me. ▼: oh my god youve stored it in your goddamn hood havent you ▼: you dont even trust your sylladex to keep those secrets safe ▲: no! ▲: that is a good idea though. ▼: where is it then ▲: that is none of your business. ▼: dont doubt my ability to frisk you later bro if that is what it takes to get at this piece of unmitigated hilarity ▲: well, now you are tempting me to put it somewhere weird. ▼: thought you might really ▲: so are you trying to get in my pants or something? is that what this is leading up to? ▼: hey man youre not exactly pushing me away here ▼: but shit like that should probably be for a time when alien dipshits arent watching our every single fucking move ▲: haha, oh man! ▲: yeah that would be kind of creepy. ▼: you know you love it bro ▲: i don't think terezi would much enjoy seeing that, would she. ▲: oh, yep, you know me. ▼: i think spiderbitch might actually attempt to brutally murder me ▲: who, vriska? ▲: no, dude, she is not like that! ▼: dude she is fucking insane ▲: why would she even care? she is just my friend. ▼: uh bluuuh egbert ▼: karkles isnt a complete dipshit he was right about how hard shes macking on you lately ▲: uhh... really? ▼: yes really ▲: i thought she was just being friendly! ▼: friendly in the same way me going into your panty drawer and sniffing your boxers is ▲: okay i am going to disregard that comment about sniffing my boxers. ▲: she totally doesn't like me like that. ▲: she is just a cool chick who is trying to hep me out! ▼: no she is a crazy sociopath who is trying to get into your pants ▼: terezi has told me all sorts of awful shit about her man shes bad news ▲: oh, terezi? the one who killed me at the beginning, you mean? ▼: yeah her ▼: she was sorry about that and davesprite banned her from talking to you anyway ▲: yeah, i know. but i still don't really trust her all that much. ▼: its okay bro im not exactly putting all my trust in any of the trolls at the minute ▼: theyre all completely batshit goddamn insane were better off just keeping our full trust between the four of us ▲: sounds like a good plan! ▼: just actually listen to me when i saw serket is bad goddamn news before you end up getting yourself permanently butchered by her and her insane ploys ▲: alright, i guess i will listen to you... but she still just doesn't seem that bad to me. ▼: give it time bro youll see what i mean ▼: and jesus thanks normally getting you to listen to anything that is for your own good is such a fucking task ▲: i am not sure i really want to see! ▲: well, i mean, i gave you a sort of hard time earlier so i thought i would be nice. ▼: gee thank you so much egbert ▼: you bring joy into the dark abyss that is my life ▲: oh, you are so welcome dave! ▲: i am here to bring you joy forever, sweetie pie honey bunch. ▼: oh my god no egbert ▼: i dont care how gay we get ▼: stuff like that is strictly offlimits ▲: hahaha, sorry, i couldn't help it. ▲: it seemed like an appropriate moment. ▼: i think i just threw up in my mouth a little dude ▲: ugh, eww, that is gross. ▲: you are not getting anywhere near me with that mouth now. ▼: no come on egbert dont be a tease ▼: ill have a mint or something ▲: man, i will have to tell jade to alchemize a toothbrush or something. ▼: oh man the girls ▼: you realise they are fucking never going to let this go in the history of ever ▲: i didn't even think about them... wow that is going to be awkward. ▼: eh i think theyll be cool with it but oh my god lalonde is going to be an insufferable smug dipshit ▲: i always thought jade sort of had a thing for you though! ▼: oh shit does she ▲: oh my god, you don't think rose is going to try to have us talk about your feelings, do you? ▲: yeah, she does i think. ▼: i mean well yeah duh why wouldnt she but shit i dont exactly feel great about shutting her out in the cold ▼: she better not im not talking about feelings ever ▼: i barely even goddamn have them im made of stone ▲: heheh, yeah, totally made of stone there, dude. ▼: fucking soulless machine over here ▼: this is like a shitty movie youd probably love about a guy trying to teach an impossibly cool robot how to love ▼: like terminator combined with one of karkats godawful movies ▲: oh my god, i don't even have a comeback to that. ▲: i am just laughing hysterically right now. ▼: glad i amuse you john ▲: of course you are! you are here to be funny and ironic for my amusement. ▲: i am glad you have realised your destiny! ▼: yes that is exactly it i am like the fucking jester in your court of aderpable awkward ▼: should i do a little jig for your entertainment as well here ▲: oh, man, please do. ▼: youre going to have me burst out of a fucking cake or something at this rate ▲: no way! why would i waste a cake like that. ▼: i thought you were sick of cake at this point ▲: i am, trust me. ▲: but i can't see a perfectly good one ruined like that. ▲: unless it is for amusing purposes. ▼: weve known each other for like six years and now you dont want to see me burst out of a fucking cake ▼: you disgust me ▲: well, i just wouldn't want to touch you if you were all covered in cake, dude. ▼: you are such a pussy egbert i cant even begin to describe it ▲: i guess i really am, because i am not even taking the opportunity to act upon the perfect gay joke you just set up for me. ▼: see what i mean its disgraceful ▼: i had this homojoke all set up and waiting and you just passed it by for fear of offending my delicate sensibilities or whatever ▲: i am so sorry dave. how could you even want anything to do with me anymore? ▼: i cant dude thats it im going ▼: putting my coat on and slamming the front door as i leave ▲: well now you made me cry! ▲: seriously, these tears are going to stain my shirt. ▲: how could you make me cry, that is so cruel. ▼: well youre going to have to get the fuck on chasing me down to the trainstation or something arent you and straighten this all out ▼: making you cry is basically my main hobby ▲: maybe i don't want to straighten it out if all you want is to fuck up my cakes! ▼: yes john that is exactly what i want well done ▼: this relationship is founded entirely on me ruining cakes ▲: well, you seemed pretty set on it. ▲: there hasn't been much happening in this relationship so far aside from the cake fiasco, dude. ▲: what am i supposed to think? ▼: that im not so easy im gonna jump your bones about twenty minutes into confessing my dumb gay crush on you ▲: geez!! that is not what i meant. ▼: pffft so sensitive ▲: actually, i am not sure what i was getting at up there. ▼: getting under your skin is just so goddamn fun ▲: no, it is cruel and unusual and you should be ashamed. ▼: nope ▲: you have completely distracted me with that comment about jumping my bones, damnit. ▼: watching you squirm and bicker with me is basically awesome so yeah ▼: youre giggling into your hood like some goddamn blushing maiden arent you ▲: no! don't flatter yourself. ▲: giggling in my hood is the exact opposite of what is happening here. ▼: so what is happening here ▼: youre furiously writing this all into your diary arent you ▲: oh, yes, dave. ▲: are you sure you can't see me? ▲: you just know all these things that i am so definitely doing. ▼: maybe ▼: i mean i basically know everything right ▼: though i think we are the only two people in this entire fucking game who isnt watching what everybody else is doing ▲: i am sure you find that pretty unfortunate. ▼: yeah i am basically devastated i dont get to eye you up all the time ▼: you are right ▲: gosh, i am just so sorry. because i am doing all kinds of interesting things and you are missing out here. ▲: haha, no, but seriously. ▼: interesting things since when do you do interesting things ▲: it would be kind of fun to mess with you if you could see me. ▲: man, i am always doing interesting things. ▼: i think youd find yourself the one messed with egbert ▲: i do nothing but interesting things. ▲: yeah, right. ▼: no way man dont try and tell me i wouldnt be large and in charge here ▲: i don't even have to try because you and i both know you wouldn't. ▼: woah woah are you throwing down some sort challenge here egbert ▲: it is not even a challenge, dude. ▲: i have already won. ▲: but if you want to look at it that way, be my guest! ▼: if its the massive tool contest then yes you have won ▲: now you are talking about my tool? wow you are a huge pervert! ▼: wasnt what i was talking about but if it makes you feel good to have your dick and the word massive anywhere near each other for once go ahead ▲: ouch. that was pretty harsh. ▼: see i always win ▲: i was just messing with you, but you went over the line there. ▲: no that was just cold. ▼: alright alright dude chill out im sure your member is nothing to complain about ▲: uhh, okay, let's not talk about that, dude! ▼: haha see the blushing maiden thing is back ▲: yeah, but, i mean... come on, you were talking about my... uhh. ▲: that is just... not cool. ▼: heh you are so fucking cute sometimes ▲: well, yes, that is definitely not up for debate. ▼: yeah i think we can agree on that shit for once ▲: you were pretty adorable yourself when you were feeling all awkward before! ▲: i mean, it is a shame you can't be cute like me all the time. ▼: no bullshit i was faking the awkward it was like irony ▲: haha, okay, sure. whatever you say, dave! ▼: i was totally secure in the knowledge of your homocrush on me bro dont even get me started not a single doubt ran through my mind ▲: what? that is such crap. ▲: i wasn't even secure in the knowledge of it! ▼: yeah okay maybe i was flipping the fuck out a bit ▲: see, was that so hard? ▼: yes ▲: haha, i'm sorry. ▲: but it is pretty endearing to hear, okay? ▼: urgh okay fine whatever ▼: you apparently coo over me like im a tiny timetravelling fucking squirrel or something ▲: i can't help it, bro. ▲: but you are still definitely a koala. ▼: fuck you egbert ▲: aww, come on! i just mean you are totally adorable. ▲: no need to take offense to being compared to a cute ass marsupial. ▼: koalas arent badass dude ▲: have you seen their claws? ▲: they look pretty damn vicious. ▲: they just don't need to put the smack down on anyone because they are too cute for someone to even mess with. ▼: thats slightly better at least ▼: only im too intimidating to anybody even mess with even if for you the effect is somehow that you just want to kiss me on the goddamn nose or whatever ▲: you know that will have to be the first thing i do when i see you, right? ▼: somehow i think that will be more gay than if we just started making out right there and then ▲: i don't care how gay it is anymore. ▲: prepare your nose, strider, because i am going to kiss it like you don't even know. ▼: yeah i gotta admit im losing my ability to give a shit here ▼: though i am never gettting as cuddly and weird as fuck as you are even in your most repressed moments ▲: that is okay! i will be cuddly enough for the both of us. ▲: i've got it handled. ▼: god fucking damn john are you sure youre not some kind of flaming homo ▲: i am like more sure than it is even usually possible to be. ▲: i just can't resist your charms, dave. ▲: you make me want to go wear a rainbow flag or something. ▼: yeah i cant really begrudge you that ▼: though rainbows are stupid stick to your weird labcoats and shit ▲: that lab coat was damn awesome and you know it. ▼: yeah it was pretty slick ▼: not as slick as any of the shit ive got going here but you know ▲: yeah, i have to admit i am a little jealous of your suits. ▲: they look so comfy! ▼: fucking action jammies man ▲: except that green felt one. that one is a little much. ▼: yeah that thing was a piece of shit dunno why i even made it ▲: dude, i bet your god tier outfit would be so cool! ▲: i mean, you dying to get it would make me pretty upset. ▼: i dunno i think i would just end up looking like little red fucking riding hood ▼: and that aint happening bro dont sweat it i couldnt do it ▼: standing over my prone and sleeping form with a sword in hand is apparently enough to make me puss out ▲: haha, oh my god! that is so cute though. little red riding hood, oh man, that is good. ▲: christ, dude, i don't blame you. ▲: i am glad you couldn't do it. that would make you a little frightening. ▼: youre picturing me with a fucking whicketbasket arent you ▼: yeah i apparently dont have it in me to brutally murder myself ▼: who figured i had limits ▲: yes, yes i am. and it is the best image i have ever conjured in my head. ▼: shit this is stuff i usually dont tell you what have you done to me dude ▲: man. ▲: it is okay, let it out. ▼: little red riding hood was kind of brutally goddamn retarded though ▲: i like hearing it! makes me feel, like, special and stuff. ▼: grandma wolf same difference ▲: yeah but at least you aren't snow white. ▼: what is with the fucking fairy tale references ▲: you started it, dude. ▼: shit i didnt even get told these things when i was a kid ▼: my bedtime stories usually consisted of my bro practising his weirdass ventriloquist rap act ▲: uhh... wow that is really creepy! ▼: nah ▼: well yeah ▲: yeah. it really is. ▼: he didnt have a fucking clue what he was doing with a baby dude give the guy a break ▲: but... dude, the first thing he did was stick a pair of anime shades on you. ▼: badass anime shades ▲: i mean, even someone inexperienced... ▲: no. ▲: i am sorry dude but those things were stupid. ▲: actually, you wearing shades period is so stupid! just take them off already. The other user has left
Your name is Bro Strider, and this kids dad is totally calm about him staying longer. You don't believe it, but you guess its okay. Its nighttime, and the kids should be getting ready for bed soon. You call Egberts dad to let him know whats going on, and why John isn't home yet. "Yo, mister Egbert. John's gonna stay longer than expected, just to let you know." You tell him very causually, and...cool. "Oh! Okay! Is there any specific reason to it? Or is it just because..?" He questions you. It somewhat pisses you off, but you don't really show it. "Dave caught a different sickness. Thats all that theres to it. Don't worry though, its not contagious. But it is kind-of unnatural for a Strider." You tell him, hoping no more questions will be asked. "Would you mind...telling me the sickness he has caught?" You facepalm yourself in your mind. You really should've had a V8. "Love-sickness. Now I gotta go and see what those boys are up to before it goes all uncool again. Striders have to keep our cool. Bye." You hear a judgement just before you hang up the phone, but you let it slide. You walk into the living room, and the seventeen year olds are out and about. You have no clue where they went. They were here a few minutes ago. Fuck. They must be in Daves room. Where its more private. Damn it, you were hoping to see all the gushies. Okay that just sounded really uncool.
Your name is John Egbert, and the Strider is all over you. Hes nipping at your neck, snaking a hand up your shirt..Damn he's teasing you a lot. You look at him and suddenly squint your eyes when he poles his hand down to your bulge. God, how does he even know how to do this stuff? Its very dark in his room, and very quiet if you exclude all of the panting, and heart racing enough so you can hear it through out the whole room. You suddenly remember Dave telling you that his room is soundproof because of all of the music he makes. You don't really believe him though. You stop his hand as he tries to creep one down your pants. He doesn't listen and keeps going. You moan in ecstacy, not expecting him to disobey. Then again, Striders do what they want, and never listen to rules as they are told, or put out.
Your name is Dave Strider, and you didn't think John was capable of those noises. When he moans even louder, you feel your bulge grow to be even harder. You wonder.. Your hand wraps around his member completely, and he screams a little that sounds like a whine. This almost completely hardens you. He notices, and starts to rub against you.
Your name is Dave Strider, and you love teasing your best bro.
Your name is Dave Strider, and you are casually chuckling your ass off. You can't say its laughing, but it is something. John told your Bro to fuck off, and he probably is wanting to laugh his ass off as well. John is still standing at the door, probably blushing. He turns around, and...Yes, you were right. He was definitely red as an apple off his Nanna's tree. You don't have other family other than your Bro, so you can't say the same. John walks back to the bed, cooling off his red cheeks and ear tips. God, that was funny.
Your name is John Egbert, and its your turn to give Dave his question. "Truth or Dare, Dave?" he chuckles a bit more, and hesitantly replies, "Truth." he answers looking at you straight in the eyes, at least you think. You can't really tell with those shades. Your a little surprised with his answer. Maybe cool guys think its cool to do truths? You honestly don't know with a guy like him. You look at him closely, but not so close your in his bubble, of course. That would be awkward. No wait! Not awkward, just..GOD. How do choose words again?
Your best bro is staring at you with those wide eyes again. God, this boy. He could break down your cool if he really wanted to. If he does, your going to have to kick him out and restart to training Bro gave to you. Shit. He's thinking. Cool it, Dave. Your going to be fine. At least you hope. "Really? You sure?" he asks your choosing. Damn it. Yeah your pretty sure. "Yeah, bro. Give me what you want to know." You tell him. 'Just give me the damn question, Egbert!' you yell in your own thoughts. Wow. Your surprised that didn't get out of your mouth. "W-well...." God, just spit it out, Egbert. "Do you......?" he mumbled it, so you really couldn't hear it. You glance at him and say, "Come again?" you ask him. He looks down and blushes. He looks like he's about to cry. Shit. What the hell did you do, Strider? "Have you been teasing me?" His voice is shaky, your not sure what he means exactly. He stiffens as he drops his head to his knees. Damn it, strider. What did you fucking do? "What?" You extend the a in the word, and scoot yourself closer to him. "Do you actually have feelings for me, or have you been teasing me the whole time? I can't tell, damn it!" You see his glasses fog up, and a few tears drip from his eyes. You feel your own eyes start to widen in concern. "John..." You rest your head against his. You start to feel your own face burn up. "John, I will only tease you during those curtain times, other than that its serious business." You said in the complete quiet. It goes quiet again, and you hear someone laughing their ass off in the other room. 'Bro.' You think to yourself. Was Bro still laughing from earlier? Makes sense. He's really a child inside if you really think about it, minus the sex every other weekend, and the parties at least once a week, and the beer every night.. He's still a child on the inside. John pecks his head up slowly. "Really?" He asks quietly. You look at him and grab his chin gently, bringing your lips together with his until they meet and are brushing against each other. "You tell me, Egderp." Still your favorite pet name for him. You feel him attack you first, and feel him press his lips to yours. You feel his tears run down his cheeks, and you brush them off with your thumb. He ends up toppling over on you, while your on the bottom. "Wow." You bluntly put out. He pants for awhile and says, "Shut up, Dave." He starts to nip at your neck. God. Fuck playing around. You topple over him, so now your on top now. He rolls over, so he's on top. Shit, this is going to take forever. You top him, pin him down, and plant your mouth on his. Your in control now. Both of you are breathing heavy now, so you break the kiss. "Mmmm, Dave." You look at him when he says that, but it's not like you weren't looking at him already. "You think that was hot?" You put out on the table. You plant your lips on his again, and slide your tongue over his lips as he gives a deep moan. That was hot. He opens his mouth up for you to explore, and so you do with no hesitation. You've been waiting for this the day he got here, so your going to do this. You snake up a hand up a hand his chest, showing his belly, and rub his nipples, getting a sexy reply from him. "Your - nnngh - teasing me!" He whispers in your ear. You go ahead and tease him in a more..delicate place. He screams in reply, more in a whiny and pleasant tone. You were going to tease him alright, and he's going to like it. You rub your hand by the elastic, and he gasps for air. You roll under him, so he's now in your lap like before. Both you and him are panting and gasping for air. You let both of you breathe for awhile.
Your name is John Egbert, and Dave is making you feel feelings you shouldn't have right now. Or maybe you should..Your not very sure. Your name is Dave Strider, and you don't think John has ever masterbated before.
▼: H3Y COOLK1D YOU TH3R3? ▲: sup ▲: yeah why ▼: 1 H4V3 4N 1MPORT4NT M3SS4G3 TO B3 D3L1V3R3D ▲: what is it ▼: 1 FORG3T ▲: better be important i have a lot of shit to take care of ▼: NO W41T ▲: what ▼: "1 LOV3 YOU" ▲: wait ▲: you do? ▲: well shit i dont blame you who cant love me ▼: 1S TH1S 4 PROBL3M? ▲: um no i guess ▲: i just didnt expect that from you ▲: but its cool ▼: W3LL 1 N33D 4 R3SPONS3 H3R3 ▲: i guess i feel the same ▲: i mean your pretty cool ▲: for a weird girl troll ▼: G4SP ▼: D4V3 WH4T 4R3 YOU S4Y1NG ▼: 1 COULDNT H34R YOU OV3R TH3 SOUND OF YOUR GOD T13R SM3LL1NG 4M4Z1NG ▲: wait the sound of my god tier smelling amazing ▲: is that even possible ▲: nevermind i guess im clearly saying i return the feelings pyrope ▼: SO SHOULD W3 S34L TH3 D34L OF SOM3TH1NG? ▲: what do you trolls consider sealing the deal ▼: 1D S4Y M4T1NG BUT 1 KNOW HUM4NS T4K3 1T SLOW ▲: well if hypothetically i mated would you be happy with that ▼: OH TOT4LLY ▲: then i guess i can let it slide this one time ▲: cause im cool like that ▲: lets make this hapen ▲: um ▲: how would you mate ▼: UM ▼: 1V3 N3V3R DON3 1T B3FOR3 ▼: 4ND 1 D1DNT H4V3 4 LUSUS TO T3LL M3 ▼: SO ▼: HOW DO YOU M4T3? ▲: whoa um how do i explain ▲: using that term bone bulge we uh ▲: this is awkward ▲: maybe you should ask one of your troll friends ▼: JUST S4Y 1T ▲: what is the term you female trolls use for your private areas ▼: NOOK? ▲: um ▲: sure ▲: we take the bone bulge and we uh ▲: put it inside the nook ▲: this is very awkward ▲: you should be grateful ▲: im doing this only for you ▲: but do you get what i mean ▼: 1 4M <3 ▲: good ▼: OK4Y TH4T SOUNDS S1MPL3 ▲: yes ▲: so uh when do you want to start sealing the deal ▼: WH3N3V3R YOUR3 R34DY ▲: im ready whenever ▼: (Lit RP for this?) ▲: (Sure.) ▼: "There's an unoccupied rock over there if you want to be private or something," she giggles, not knowing the human custom on privacy. ▲: "Well um, we should probably just go to my house actually." he said, feeling a bit awkward by the troll's idea of how humans did these types of things and where. ▼: "Oh, that makes much more sense!" she responds, then stops short "Dave, we can't just.. I mean damn, you haven't even kissed me yet!" ▲: "Oh, right... Do you want me to kiss you first then?" He shrugged. waiting for her response. ▼: "Well, yeah," she smirked "What? Are you scared, Dave? Hehe.." ▲: "Pfft, as if. Dave Strider isn't scared of anything." he chuckled oddly, despite his constant boasting this was his first time. He reached out and relaxed his hands on Terezi's shoulder, leaning them both in a little closer. "What about you? Are you scared?" ▼: She shrugged. She wasn't gonna lie to him. "Yeah, a little," her smile widened, despite the fact that it looked oddly gentle "Scared I might cut you with my teeth... I might bite" she cackled and winked at him, leaning forward and puckering her lips. ▲: He slightly shuddered, feeling a bit hesitant now that she had said that. "Well just be gentle about it... I mean fuck, if you dare..." he stopped at that, not specifying what he'd really do. He did the same, still staring cautiously at her through the dark lens of his shades as they approached eachother's faces. ▼: After a good one milesecond of waiting, she got impatient with him and thrust forward, their lips colliding. His lips were soft and warm, and she liked how they felt against hers. I guess there's supposed to be a spark or some shit, like in Karkat's shitty romcoms. There definitely was. ▲: He evidently made a noise of slight surprise, eyes widening a bit at the sudden kiss that locked their lips. But it only took a moment for him to slowly close his eyes, leaning in more to increase the spark between them. Man, the feeling was great. He couldn't believe he had missed out on it until now. ▼: She could sense his nervousness and giggled the tiniest bit, awkwardly resting her hand on the back of his head, feeling his soft hair. She parted her lips the slightest bit. Weren't they supposed to to that? Yeah, tongues and stuff. Kind of gross but there must be reason people do it. Plus she'd get to taste him. ▲: He didn't actually, but in his mind he chuckled slightly as well. Oddly enough, her lips tasted sweet like. He figured it was supposed to be like that for troll's. As he felt the slight opening between her lips, naturally he entered his tongue in, sorta entwining her's with his. ▼: Ooh, this did feel kind of cool. And the taste? Exquisite. His skin, so close to her, was a sweet peachy scent, and lips were like ripe strawberries, his tongue a slimy maraschino cherry. His tongue was so irresistible in fact, that, and only as test, she sucked on it ever so lightly. ▲: He carefully explored her mouth with his tongue for a few seconds, enjoying the feel. Whoa, this felt unbelievably pleasant indeed. Actually, it felt so content he almost forgot to breath, And as she began to suck softly, he shifted to hold her waist instead of her shoulders as they kissed. He couldn't help but wonder if she had kissed before like this, seeing as how she seemed to be so good at it. ▼: "This is awesome," she whispered, no, she moaned, (much to her own surprise), enjoying this for too much. Crazy little cherry bombs, exploding on her tongue, sliding down her throat in a cherry red mushroom cloud. She loved it. She /loved/ it. ▲: He responded with a slight mutter, but too muffled to make out the words. But surely you could tell it was one of agreement. The kiss had lasted for what seemed like forever, not that he minded, it was too amazing. And as minutes of it had lasted, he was the first to slowly pull away. He laughed a bit nervously, rubbing the back of his neck with a free hand as he looked to at her. "I'm not gonna lie, damn that was radical.." ▼: She seemed ecstatic, as always. A huge grin plastered on her face, she was bouncing on the balls of her feet. You could tell she agreed, because of the light teal blush sprinkled across her cheeks. "You ever done that before? I haven't. It's pretty great, if I do say so myself" she giggled, absolutely beaming. ▲: It seemed rare, but he smiled at her. She definitely seemed to be glowing, and he gave a nod to her words. "First time, actually. So uh.. Glad you liked it then." He muttered, trying to catch his breath a bit. If he wasn't such a 'coolkid', he'd probably be reacting just the same as her. ▼: (I actually have to go now, do you have a tumblr/pesterchum?) ▲: (No. But I do have a DA.) ▼: (Dang...) ▲: (Sorry..) ▼: (AIM?) ▲: (Nope.) ▼: (Alright. G'night then. Sorry. Thanks for the RP.)
Your name is John Egbert, and Dave has been keeping you up all night long with his screaming. You wake him up and hug him tightly, telling him its okay. He pants heavily and touches you to make sure its really you, and grips onto you and pulls his head in to cry in your chest. Your not sure what to think once hes fast asleep again, you sit there, wondering if hugging him through the night would make it better, or even worse. You fall asleep as soon as he does, and hug him anyway, just to find out.
Your name is Dave Strider, and you have been waking up to bullshit. Your panting breaks through the quiet and you spring up to find John by your side. Hes clinged onto you, and wakes up as soon as you spring up, very fatigue. He rubs his eyes and stretches out to yawn. You look at him, dazed. His eyes were a perfect blue. He quirks his eyebrows, looking at you very confused. You suddenly remember to put on your sunglasses to hide your cherry red eyes. Good thing he was very tired, so he wouldn't be able to tell a thing. At least this is what you hope.
You are now John Egbert. You have just been imagining things that you shouldn't be imagining of. You stare at Daves eyes until he puts his sunglasses on. You find yourself wanting to pull his sunglasses off to see again, but he has always had a thing about not showing his beautiful eyes. He told you before that they are a disgrace, and that you wouldn't want to look at him ever again, but he was wrong about every single thing. You find yourself loving those eyes, though you have only seen them once. You want to just see them more and more, hoping to see his feelings. You should say something, but you cant. Not after what has just happened. You open your mouth to say something, but close it. You don't want him to over react to your findings. You open your mouth again to say something else instead. "You feeling any better?" you ask, clinging onto him more, feeling his warmth. He responds with a, "Yeah" and then you decide to cling on to him tighter, not wanting to let go.
Your name is Dave Strider, and you are finally feeling better after a month with a series of uncool sneezing, coughing, and don't forget the puking. You are upset about John having to leave now, back to his dads. It has been a month, you suppose. He has been excellent to you and your brother, but its time to go. Hes still curled up next to you in bed, so you loosely put Johns head closer to you, not wanting to waste this precious time. You don't really care how close he gets to you now. You wouldn't even mind if he did something so uncool right now, it would almost be cool. Now, all you want is not to forget all the things he has done for you, and honestly, you really don't want him to leave.
Your name is Bro Strider, and you don't want this little brat to leave. Hes not a girl, but he could count as a mother to you, and most likely Dave. That is of course if Dave wanted it to be just that, but you think those two could be very close to each other. He cleans, he cooks real meals instead of take-out, he does laundry....damn. He really could be a mother, why was he born as a guy? All you know, is if you could find a way for him to stay, that it would be for the best, but he does have a dad back at home. He has someone to love at home, while you and Dave don't.
Your name is John Egbert, and you are feeling very emotional. Your name is Dave Strider, and you think you may have feelings for a derp. Your name is Bro Strider, and you don't want this to end so quickly.
▲: hehehe ▲: hello? ▲: is anyone there? ▼: sup ▼: who are you ▲: im john silly ▲: hehe ▲: hi davesprite! ▼: you type like egbert ▲: hehehe ▲: of course i type like me ▲: what's wrong with you ▼: what ▼: why is your text a nauseating shade of pink ▲: hehehe ▲: aww ▲: i like it~ ▼: what ▲: he ▼: egbert did you hit your head or something ▲: hehehe ▲: why are you freaking out so much davesprite? ▲: im fine ▼: im not freaking out ▲: he ▼: the pink is just annoying ▲: he ▲: hehehe ▲: ok ▲: whatever ▼: is this the glitchy version of you ▼: trickster or whatever ▲: hehee ▲: awww ▲: you weren't supposed to know that ▲: hehe ▲: silly sprite ▲: hehehe ▼: im a sprite though ▼: i know things that the regular ones dont ▲: i know~ ▲: but still ▲: did you have to ruin my ▲: hehe ▲: fun? ▼: so trickster john ▼: whats up ▲: oh not much ▲: hehe ▲: hehehehe ▲: but you know ▲: maybe you should be freaking out ▲: hehehe ▲: john thinks so ▼: wait what ▼: what did you do to him ▲: oh nothing ▲: hehe ▼: what did you do you little shit ▲: he's just a little ▲: hehe ▲: sick ▲: he might have kind of a ▲: hehehehehehe ▲: tummyache? ▲: he ▼: tell me what you did ▲: now you're freaking out! ▲: hehe ▲: this is kinda fun ▼: i swear to god if you hurt him ▲: what if i did hurt him? ▲: hehe ▲: what if i ripped a nice big hole in his stomach? ▲: what would you do sprite~ ▼: what ▲: hehehe ▼: you little fucker ▲: what would you do? ▼: im going to kill you ▲: he ▲: hehehehehe ▲: hehehehehehehehehehehe ▲: oh really? ▲: that sounds like a fun game ▲: he ▼: youre going to wish you were dead by the time im done with you ▲: someone is a little bit angry ▲: hehehe ▲: you humans are so cute ▲: this is hilarious! ▲: hehehehe ▲: why don't you lighten up a little sprite? ▲: hehehehehehe ▼: fuck you ▼: bastard ▲: hehehe ▲: you sure talk alot sprite ▲: i thought you were gonna ▲: hehe ▲: kill me? ▲: im waiting~ ▼: *he taps him on the shoulder from behind, scowling and holding his sword in attack position* ▼: what was that ▲: *turns around* ▲: hehe ▲: that was fast ▼: wheres john ▼: the real john ▲: in his room~ ▲: hehehehe ▲: you can go in if you want ▲: hehe ▲: but ▲: you're not gonna like it ▼: *he narrows his eyes, shoving him hard against the wall* ▼: dont think youre going anywhere ▼: asshole ▲: hehehe ▲: kinda funny how you're so mad about "real" john ▲: he's not even your john ▲: isn't that right ▲: "fake" dave? ▲: hehe ▼: i dont care ▼: hes still john ▲: hehehe ▲: im still john too ▲: im just a different john ▼: *he growls and pulls back his fist, then punches the trickster in the gut with force* ▲: *coughs mid laugh, because that hurt, but starts laughing again pretty quick* ▲: hehehe ▼: little..fucker...*he punches him again with each pause in between words* ▲: that tickled~ ▲: my turn! ▲: *uses weird floaty powers to kick in jaw* ▼: *he groans in pain at the shock of the impact of the trickster's foot in his jaw* ▼: fuck ▲: hehe ▲: you hit pretty hard ▲: for a bird ▼: for a bird ▼: whatever ▲: well ▲: i don't think i've ever seen a bird punch someone in the tummy before ▲: hehe ▲: but i don't think it'd hurt too bad ▼: yeah whatever ▲: hehe ▲: you gonna rip open my tummy? ▲: just like i did to john? ▲: hehehehe ▼: fuck you *he punches higher up, right across his face* ▲: *the punch didn't do any serious damage, but it did make him bite his cheek hard enough to bleed. a little dribble of blood comes out of the corner of his mouth. he wipes if off with the back of his hand* ▲: hehehehehehe ▲: that hurt ▲: *windy things knife up from where he left it in john...s room, and into his hand* ▲: like my knife? ▲: hehehe ▲: john did ▼: *his eyes slightly widen, but quickly narrow as he presses the strange boy even harder against the wall* ▼: fuck ▼: you ▲: hehehehehehe ▼: *he brings his sword up to the strawberry blonde's neck, pressing the cold blade against his skin only slightly* ▲: *giggles kinda maniacally, well, more maniacally than before, and gets knife ready* ▼: if im gonna end up dying at least itll be for the derp i care about ▲: sorry sprite ▲: *stab in neck* ▲: too slow~ ▲: hehehehe ▼: *he coughs up blood, eyes wide in shock* ▲: oh stop being so melodramatic ▲: hehe ▲: hehehehe ▲: what? ▲: i may be kinda ▲: he ▲: crazy ▲: but i'm not gonna let some sprite chop my head off ▲: hehehehe ▼: *the grip on the sword loosens and he falls back, dropping the weapon* ▲: you have two choices sprite ▲: either keep fighting ▲: so i getta stab you alot more ▲: or go somewhere and bleed to death ▲: really ▲: really ▲: slowly ▼: fuck ▲: hehehehehehehehehehehe ▲: *floats up so he's higher than davesprite* ▼: *he slowly picks himself back up, *wincing in pain with every movement* ▲: aw ▲: you gonna keep fighting? ▲: hehehe ▲: good ▼: *he grips his sword again, mustering up the strength to slice it up in the air and against the trickster's arm* ▲: *it wasn't going fast enough to slice it off, but it cut pretty deep, almost halfway through the bone* ▲: ow! ▲: *grabs his arm and glares at davesprite, looking pretty pissed off* ▲: you cut me you little shit ▲: *kicks* ▲: heehehe ▲: you're not supposed to do that ▼: i can do what i want ▼: im dave ▼: motherfucking ▼: strider ▲: hehehe ▲: you mean you were ▲: now you're just a sprite ▲: everyone forgot about you ▲: you know that? ▲: heheh ▲: how long have you been all alone on the battlefield, huh? ▲: hehehehehe ▼: *with this statement, he discards the knife that had been sticking out of his neck, making sure to snap the blade into little useless pieces so the fake john can't use it against him. he growls and slowly pushes through the cut on the trickster's arm so it goes all the way through.* ▼: sprite or not im still me ▼: i dont give a shit about what you say ▼: and it doesnt matter anymore ▼: if im gonna die im doing it with some fucking dignity ▲: hehehehe ▲: oh you're going to die ▲: even if you manage to kill me ▲: cause you know what? ▲: you're all doomed ▲: hehehe ▲: why do you think i'm here? ▲: you fucked it up again strider ▲: hehehehehe ▲: you always manage to fuck it up ▲: hehehe
===> Your name is Dave strider and this wasn't supposed to happen. You and John egbert were gonna get married TOMORROW, tomorrow for fucks sake!
The day started of normal well as normal as the day before a wedding can be. You and your adorkable fiancé were laughing and chatting while walking hand in hand through the park where you first met you sit together under a beautiful tree not just any tree its the tree where you shared your first kiss, the tree where you got engaged, the tree where you carved you names and also soon too be the tree where your story ended. Your run your hand over both your names carved into the tree and shared a brief but sweet kiss. But time was not on your side in this instance because right as the kiss ended some insane homophobe shot him he SHOT HIM right in the stomach. You called a ambulance but they probably got there too late, you were too far away from the hospital. His last words to you before he slipped unconscious were 'I love you.... Always".
You are currently in a hospital waiting for the results of surgery. What will you do if he dosn't make it, this thought crossed your head as a nurse walks in with a clipboard. She simply shakes her head. And you lose your cool, your a crying mess on the floor she's saying something else but you cant hear her all you hear is him his laugh his voice both things you'll never get too hear again. Your mind is flooded with your last moment together. Your thoughts scream at you but then they silence and one repeats itself 'go with him follow him you life is over already' you shake it of your way to cool to commit suicide.
You stay this way on the floor until you feel a hand on your shoulder you turn too see johns dad you stand up and hug him, he seems surprised but you think he hears the unspoken words. You let go and see bro you walk up to him and he surprisingly hugs you before you hug him in a rare sign of your unspoken affection.
It's been a month now but nothings any better, all the comforting words are meaningless and the suicide thoughts are still there the overwhelming urge to seek your love in the afterlife. You decide no you KNOW it's the best choice. You get up to go too the tree.
With shoes on you walk to the tree flecks of dried blood still present. The perfect place to end your story. You climb to the top and set up the noose and seconds before the drop your sure you hear your bro scream but your not thinking about that the last thing you think before you fade is 'We will end where we began'.
I looked up and thought: Wow. This is what his house is like. Especially in winter...It looked like his bro was in the holiday cheer. there was Christmas lights and everything. As I walked in all I saw was Dave curled up in a little ball on the couch. He looked kinda...Helpless. He was shivering on the couch in the living room and looked like he had seen a horrible thing happen. I got closer and closer to him until I got a good look at him. It was a good thing he was sleeping cause it looked like I was some kind of freak looking at him nearly a few inches from his face. I found a blanket in the closet and decided to go get it. I grabbed it and boy was it soft! It kind of reminded me of a really fluffy sheep.
I heard a door slam that sounded like a bomb exploding in my ear, and steps that were creeping close, also a swoop of some sort that ended with my shivers being almost gone. Bro was gone, and I was pretty much alone. Until all of that happened. Shit was happening in the neighborhood. A girl getting shot, a young boy getting hit by a bus, an old crabby lady that lived down the street from us was fucking crammed by a train. This shit is only going to get worse. My shivers have now stopped and I felt a cool hand being spread on my forehead.
"Egderp...?" I heard Dave manage to choke out. "Yeah, Dave? Are you okay? You have a oddly hot fever thats burning up and....Whats happened to you, Dave?"
Worries, worries, and even more uncool worries. "Egderp, I need to ask you something.." here it goes. "Yeah?" John was so frustrating.... "I want you to-" "Yeah?" and, "Get the fuck out of my house." fucking adorable in the most uncool way. Here come the tears. "B-but what the hell did I-I do?" Shouldn't he have seen the sarcasm..? I patted his back and whispered in his fragile ears, "I was only kidding you, Egderp." His eyes got so wide and then he hit one in my gut. Fuck that hurt. Only a cough was released.
Your name is John Egbert and you are so frustrated at your best bro.
Looking for someone to chat with... (so, please wait) You are now chatting with a person, say hi.
▲: hi there!
▼: okay so heres the deal stranger ▼: the low down ▼: the 411 if you will ▼: usually i dont bother with these lame chat sites ▼: but ive been watching aladdin on repeat for the last six hours while shoving nothing but jelly beans down my throat ▼: because thats what my bro says is the cure for the common cold ▼: and even if thats pure and utter bullshit ▼: its the only food ive got
▲: dave? is that you??
▼: so my tolerence level is pretty high right now ▼: yes yes strider at your service
▲: awesome! i found you on the first try!
▼: beginners luck then ▼: step into my office ▼: what can i do for you ▼: actually fuck that the real question is what can you do for me
▲: i can probably suggest a better cure for the common cold!
▼: actually ▼: that would be beyond fantastic ▼: maybe even marvelous ▼: stupendous even
▲: rose suggested drinking hot tea with honey, eating animal crackers, and watching something silly on tv! ▲: i tried it and i got over my last cold in a record three days! ▲: bro seriously told you to eat nothing but jelly beans?? that's so not healthy!
▼: i dont think i could ever lower myself to drink tea even in the worst of situations ▼: yeah its one of his crazy schemes ▼: he says its all to make me stronger or some shit ▼: that i need to be prepared for the future
▲: you could always add applejuice to the tea to make it taste better!
▼: but i think maybe he just gets off on my suffering ▼: i dont think we even have any tea ▼: how do you even make that shit
▲: just boil water, add the packet of tea leaves, and let it sit for a few minutes.
▼: and if we did have tea who knows where the fuck bro hid it
▲: in the dishwasher, next to the fireworks? hehehehe!
▼: actually ▼: hold on let me check that
▲: oh man i was kidding! you guys really keep fireworks in the dishwasher??
▼: where else ▼: anyways no luck finding tea there
▲: my dad keeps ours in the basement, next to the power tools, which i am not supposed to touch. ▲: did you ask him if you guys had any?
▼: that would be the worst possible thing to do in this situation ▼: if i ever want to get my hands on it ▼: i cant just ask him where it is
▲: hmmm...well, you could always heat up some apple juice instead. any hot drink would probably help you!
▼: alright ▼: be right back as i rid the microwave of more of these shitty puppets
▼: yeah okay ill admit it ▼: this is surprisingly soothing ▼: color me impressed
▲: yay, it worked! ▲: just wait, soon you'll be feeling better than ever!
▼: egbert its like youre the perfect little housewife
▲: h-hey! i don't act like a housewife! i'm just helping my best bro!
▼: isnt your house all neat and tidy and shit
▲: th-that's because of my dad! he likes to keep things neat and clean! ▲: i mean, i like things orderly, but i'm not obsessive about it!
▼: can you cook
▲: ... ▲: ...maybe
▼: could you make me a sandwich
▲: if i was at your place, maybe i would. but i wouldn't know where anything is!
▼: join the club ▼: but that wouldnt be a problem for very long with you around
▲: i don't know...there's no way i'd be able to keep up with one strider, let alone two! ▲: you two would probably re-wreck the place before i could finish cleaning one room!
▼: i guess youre probably right ▼: so then my only option would be to visit you then
▲: yeah! that would be so fun! we could watch awesome movies and stuff! you'd feel better in no time!
▼: and lets be honest a little strider in your life would do you worlds of good ▼: youd become the coolest kid in the state just by having me sleep on your couch
▲: heheheh! now you have to come over soon!
▼: is that an invitation ▼: cause i have a suitcase begging to be used as soon as possible
▲: yay! my dad says he'd be fine with it!
▼: oh woah ▼: is this ▼: is this happening
▲: dude, this is totally happening! ▲: and dad just offered to pay for half your airfare!
▼: okay ▼: okay ▼: not to freak you out ▼: but excuse me as i go duel my brother for the other half
▲: oh man! you shouldn't push yourself! don't make your cold any worse than it is!
▼: its okay man ▼: since you know i love you and shit ▼: so it has to be done
▲: are you sure? i'm sure if i ask my dad, he can cover the rest!
▼: no way this is how stuff goes down in the strider household ▼: dont worry i dont even have to win ▼: so long as i impress
▲: just take it easy, okay?
▼: ill be back john ▼: im making this happen
▲: okay. i'll be waiting here!
▼: okay so after endless humiliation ▼: and several new bruises later ▼: this is happening
▲: oh my gosh! this is going to be so epic!!
▼: not gonna lie ▼: i might shit myself from excitement
▲: me too! i can't stop grinning, i'm so happy!
▼: in theory cool guys dont grin ▼: but yeah pretty much me too
▲: when you get here, i will personally make you that sandwich you wanted! ▲: i can just picture you ironically smirking right now!
▼: its so ironic ▼: because its a sincere smile and im not supposed to be sincere ▼: and thats the irony john
▲: dude this is gonna be great! i gotta get the spare room set up!
▼: oh man dont go through that extra effort ▼: a couch is all i need
▲: dave, you are not sleeping on the couch! that thing is uncomfortable!
▼: then ill sleep on your bedroom floor or something ▼: ill pack a sleeping bag
▲: we've got one here, if you want it!
▼: then there we go ▼: man you have no idea what you just got yourself into
▲: what do you mean?
▼: strider in person is at least ten time better
▲: oh man i am freaking out so much i don't know what to say! ▲: i'm such a derp. ▲: herp derp!
▼: thats the best word to describe you ▼: there are no others ▼: none
▼: well uh i guess the next thing i should do is look up ticket prices
▲: oh yeah! you should probably do that soon! ▲: oh gosh this is insane! i can't believe i'm gonna meet THE dave strider in person!! ▲: when i see you, i'm gonna give you the biggest bro-hug ever!!
▼: you better get ready to swoon
▲: i think what i'm doing right now counts as swooning! or maybe it's hyperventilating.
▼: whatever it is you should probably get a glass of water or something ▼: cant have you dying on me
▲: okay, gimme a second. i need to breathe now. ▲: okay....okay, that's better. i feel much better now.
▼: not for long ▼: hey john hey guess what
▼: sometime in the near future ▼: we can play catch or whatever it is men do to bond
▲: you mean like watching awesome movies, ▲: scarfing down endless bowls of popcorn, ▲: and passing out from caffeine overdose at five in the morning?