Death.It took some timeDeath.5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
To convince myself
That you don't exist.
The sadness that secretly consumed you.
Everything that made you,
The fear in your eyes,
The cuts on your body,
Hands clenched, gasping for air while
The drugs soared through your veins;
All of that was real?
The smile that could span miles,
The glazed eyes that told so many stories,
The creative mind that once captivated the world
And all that's left are the memories
That torture, consume and, on occasion,
Bring joy to my mind.
It's all surreal,
But I'm beginning to believe it's true.
You're forever in my memory;
But I've come to accept the fact
That you don't exist.
TiredI’m so tired ofTired2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Spilling out poetry
About being broken
I have enough bandages
To build me a rope up to heaven
(Or maybe even down to hell)
Perhaps they’re culminating
In the center of my chest
That would explain the
Weight of an anvil
That can’t be shaken
I’ve got a diagnosis
For that reason why
I’ve been leaving class every day
For two grueling weeks
I’ve got meds that don’t work
And confidential conversations
And a few scabs on my leg
From when I decided
To play with scissors
I’ve got a sadness towards myself
That I can’t expel
It’s an assailant in the night
Coming and going
Impossible to trace
No one understands it
I don’t understand it
I just want it to stop.
I want to disappear
Into a book
Or a journal page
And leave behind
The inexplicable tears
I’m tired of feeling weak
When everyone is telling me
How strong I am
And feeling ugly
When people tell me
That they think I’m beautiful
And not wanting to talk
Apology..I know that it bothered you,Apology..2 years ago in Concrete Poetry More Like This
it's so plain to see.
And now you'll do what you have to,
just to avoid me.
Trust me, I understand.
And It's just what I'd expect.
'Cuz I hate who I am,
and so do all the rest.
I'm a stupid, rage filled, jerk,
and a psychopathic freak.
But I'll still try to make it work,
so here's my apology..
I'm sorry if I lost my grip,
sorry I lost control.
I'm sorry I'm such a piece of shit.
But please say you wont go.
I know I'm not the best of guys,
and I know that I'm no good.
But will you let me dry your eyes,
And try and be the way I should?
I can learn to open up,
and learn to cage my wrath.
'Cuz you know that no matter what,
you're my first, my only, and my last.
And I know that just "sorry"
will not be good enough.
No excuses, lies, or stories,
Not towards the girl I love.
I swear that I will fix,
all my damaged parts.
I swear and I'll do it,
to win back your heart.
If you still feel unhappy,
it'll be okay,
to hold me, hit me, or hate me.
Or even push me away..
My MotherMy MotherMy Mother2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
When I spoke you saw it right to pause and listen
If only all could be so blessed, to have a soul so luminous
Smiles so infectious, tears so meaningful, suffering real yet poignant
If I cry you stop the bleeding, righting the wrongs and making the sin disappear
Life itself has no meaning without your treasures and light
Selfless, always working silently in the shadows, you never asked for one thing in return
I really can’t ever know all you sacrificed for me
What I can know is you suffered alongside me whenever I felt pain
Your gift I would have not existed without, and will never deserve, a love that transcends death
Your love will protect me, just as God will protect you, my guardian angel in human guise
ShowtimeYou use your superficiality like a stage curtain.Showtime2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
A lovely velvet curtain, passionate red, deep and rich.
Your audience sits and stares at the curtain.
Eager but waiting.
Everyone but me was happy to sit and wait–wait for those curtains to open and for the
real show to finally begin.
You didn’t expect to ever meet a person to peek behind.
To steal a glance behind those curtains.
When I did–when I became appalled at what I saw–you blamed me.
Like I was the freak.
Like I was the one doing wrong.
I was sent back to the audience to sit with everyone else.
Telling others in the audience bared no good.
They didn’t believe me.
The curtains! They would cry. The curtains are too lovely to hide anything but greatness.
You are a freak! They would whisper as I grumbled, alone and to myself.
I wasn’t a freak.
Not then, not now.
I was only impatient.
I only wanted the show to start.
Turns out, the show I was waiting for is one I didn’t pay to see.
RumoursInk in his arteries,Rumours2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Printed fictions on his tongue in bitter tastebud braile
He thought he could outrun the echoes
But words have wings and whispers carry
Lies travel at the speed of sound.
A world of words collapses quickly.
Not a writer, just a liar
His house of pages is on fire.
He talks in tongues, twisted, tied,
Tying nooses tighter when he tries to talk.
He talks and talks and talks in circles,
Eventually word gets around.
The Irrelevance of MilesThe Irrelevance of Miles1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
A miracle reborn is the briefest description
as we stray from attempting thieves and murderers,
our only words being for one another as the light
at the end of Hells tunnel draws near.
I beg from my floating knees that toss and turn
in the wake of potential nightmares, I beg that
your hand would never again leave mine. That no force
but God would ever come between that loving grasp.
The way is not lost but caught in a fog and the blur
of our tears, while treading back on the unpaved road
to Heaven where our work to be done will come and
go with ease and difficulty as we only carry onwards.
Miles are irrelevant in a true bond, where faith and
patience are keys worn around the heart. Passion builds
in that time, and connection grows, smothering the thieves
and murderers as a new world develops.
Never again set sail, my love, as to break my heart again.
I have loved you since I was dust, and upon my return
to that matter, I will love you only more as the dust
that I become while we dwell
Light Angelangel within my sparkling eyeLight Angel2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
flying so high
above the hellish skies
do no deny
Boosting so much happiness
Welcoming you into her chest
To rest your mind
Tied to ones pride
Let her wash over you
Within every fallen light
SinkingSo There's this dream that haunts me,Sinking1 year ago in Concrete Poetry More Like This
At least once a week,
Leaving so many questions,
But no answers to seek.
I see my self standing,
In the midst of a vast, still ocean,
Staring back at me,
With lack of motion,
Starting to sink,
My clone looks at me surprised,
It starts to scream and shout,
Looking at me with pleading eyes.
Running to help, to late jump in,
I extend my hand as it's now fully submerged,
I watch it sink deeper,
With a panicky urge.
Engulfing in darkness,
I shout "Swim to the top."
As it replies,
No, I'm giving up.
"Don't you dare stop,
You have a promise to keep!"
"There's no use, I'm in far to deep."
I'm filled with anger,
As i scream and i curse,
As i see it emerging from the waters depth,
Things become worse.
"Come on you haven't got far to go."
I'm trying but it hurts,
"Just think of the surface"
Now it just burns.
I can see it clearly now,
Just a few inches deep,
"Come on hurry."
My lungs are heavy, i just want to sleep.
It's finger tips so close to th
UntitledMeet me at the rainbow’s end,Untitled2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
a desolate place. Give your heart
A bottle of cheap champagne
One to numb; Two to shred
Three to fall asleep again.
Dance with me. These ice cold walls
Stand still. Take my hand
And give me a smile
Make a wish. A drop of blood.
A little sunshine for a while.
Pour out your soul. All the roses
Have thorns. On your knees,
Let me crown you. Kiss the ground.
Wipe the floor. Time stands
Waiting for us to fall down.
Dancing BallIt's a beautiful carnival, everyone wearing mask,Dancing Ball2 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
for me it's beginning to be such a hard task.
Why am I considered to be this very strong?
As if breaking apart was just terribly wrong!
Why can't I any more dance at this pretty ball?
Why do I feel the urge to run out of the hall?
Everything around me makes me feel really weak.
Am I the only one who can hear music creak?
Who am I dancing with, whose face it is I see?
I'm trying aimlessly reach to my memory.
No matter what I do, no matter how I try
all I feel is just desire to quickly die!
MelancholiaI can see black limoes passing byMelancholia2 years ago in Songs & Lyrics More Like This
taking people to a new life
I can see their obscure way beyond
all I hear is laughter noone cries
but the falling drops ain't rain
I can feel the anguish and the pain
Tonight I'm fighting for my life
burried deep inside my lies
an anthology of my dreams undone
Tonight I'm fighting with myself
gotten into this all bymyself
and now I can't see
Tonight I'm longing for the end
all the voices in my head
screaming howlling that I sould be dead
and gone forever
tonight I'm punished by my pride
my hand is trembling as the shining of the blade
lights up my skin
(I'm making my last wish)
Colours of the sky now seem to fade
the ones meant to take the blame
are forgiven by the silence incarnate
people love pretending they are blind
but I know they see the gray
in their hearts darkening every day
LoveLove is thought of in many different ways.Love2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Everyone has their own opinion on what it is.
And in my opinion,
Its when you know their shit, they know yours,
And at the end of the day you still want each other.
When all you want to do is walk away and leave,
But can't do it because you can't bear to part with even the things you can't stand about them.
Its working through all the problems.
Admitting to all the good, bad, and in between.
I've never been in love.
But I've witnessed it enough times to know exactly what it is.
HerosThis has been a debate for years on end.Heros2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
What is a Hero?
Many say the people on the big screen.
Others, think they're in comic books and stories,
Some say its their parents.
Very few have it right.
In some cases they are your parents, or grandparents.
Maybe an aunt or uncle.
Some must leave their families behind
So they can save someone else's.
They wear dress blues and fatigues, Fighting fires and dodging bullets.
The ones who gave it all.
All for people who don't realize they're heros,
Until its to late.
Even then it is the death of a well known actor or musician they mourn,
And our heros go by unnoticed.
For all those who recognize our true heros,
I salute you.
I Did A Stupid Thing.I should have seen it coming.I Did A Stupid Thing.3 years ago in Emotional More Like This
I should have sheltered from the storm.
Instead I welcomed it.
One moment: release.
Next moment: tears.
Then the pain.
It all came pouring right back in.
I was drowning.
What a waste.
All that work thrown away.
All those disapointments, those ruined hopes.
All reason, ignored.
I knew what would happen.
I knew it would never, has never worked.
I knew I would do it anyway.
In my head the crowds circle me.
I know what they think.
I know what they whisper.
How they condemn.
They are ignorant but powerful.
I pretend not to care about them.
I pretend too much.
Before, I pretended I did not see it coming.
I pretended I no longer wanted to be impulsive, to fail.
I pretended it would work.
It's time I stopped playing make-believe.
It's time for me to face myself.
Accept the work,
Take the risks,
and ignore the crowd.
It's time for me to heal.
Frozen WhirlpoolFrozen Whirlpool3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Somewhere...in the ocean
There is a whirlpool...that is...frozen
I no longer had anything keeping me bound to this world
You were my love, you were my chain, and my heart was a link
And I couldn't bear the thought of never seeing your face anymore
So my knees gave, as I let my thoughts break, and I forced myself to sink
Somewhere...in the darkness
There is a soul...which became faithless
All those memories down the drain
I feel the bitterness of hope
While my tears rain
I cannot cope
Somewhere...in the depths
There is a spark...cradled by emptiness
My pain will always remain in time
As I never wanted to let you go
But I still got left behind
Only to dwell in remorse
Somewhere...along the path
Came a point...where I couldn't stand
I knew there would be no moving on
And there would be no going back
Because I can't stand the thought
Of potentially losing any of that
Somewhere...in my mind
There is a time...when I loved my
Stories From the Psych Ward (2 of 3)I'm so cold I feel it down to the bones,Stories From the Psych Ward (2 of 3)4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
sitting in the dining hall trembling
over my cup of tea. A huge Christmas
tree twinkles merrily beside me in red, blue, silver, pink and gold.
Patients huddle together outside to talk,
but I'm forbidden to join them,
trapped inside the ward on a category four.
They're all strangers to me, I've spoken to no one.
Smoking their cigarettes in faded pajamas,
looking tired and worn down,
lips twisting into smiles as the smoke
curls down into their lungs.
Nurses find me hiding from evil spirits in the cupboard.
They let me stay inside, safe until the panic stops and
the shadows disappear, give me blankets
to stay warm, until they take me by the hand and lead me out.
Two psychiatrists come to speak with me
While insects pour from my lips
And satellites speak of the death of stars
The voices scream at me
But I talk.
They want me to trust them
They want me to stay alive.
A nurse takes six canisters of my blood,
a deep frothy red. It pours out of my
Is This The Way I Chose To Be?Look into my eyes,Is This The Way I Chose To Be?4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Do you think I'm made of stone?
I'm just exhausted of those useless cries,
I'm sick of feeling alone.
Behind that sick mischievous grin,
The full of hatred tone,
I do have my own dream,
I do have a soul.
Why don't you look into my eyes?
Behind my own stone wall,
That I've built to defend myself from the lies,
That's the way I've chose to be,
Why can't you see the real me?
They say is not true,
The person I'm trying to prove to you.
Maybe they are right,
Is there a real me that I'm trying to hide?
Maybe in time I just turned into a monster,
I destroyed everything was nice from me,
Is this the way I chose to be?
I stare at my own reflection,
An empty sight, pale skin,
The good has been burn,
I think I can't recognize myself,
There's no way to turn.
Destruction became my new passion,
Hurting others is a hobby,
Is this the real me?
Is this the way I chose to be?
I will never believe,
I'm not a monster, not a ghost,
Maybe a dark shadow,
My own dreams I stopped to follow.
carry me.autumn rain is the prettiest, isn't it?carry me.5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
she sits there, staring out the window,
stirring her hot tea.
you sigh and press the cigarette
between your teeth
because you're trying not to stare
at the scratches cropped up on her arms.
you're the prettiest.
she runs her finger
over the edge of the knife
sleeping by her mug.
that's what he told me.
you meet her gaze,
misery grey swollen,
and she raises the mug to her lips.
do you want to tell me about him?
she taps her nails
against the table. that's what his heartbeat
would have sounded like. she smiles at you.
she moves back a little
and then holds her cup upside down,
the hot liquid rushing out,
scarring along the table, the floor.
you gasp and leap up.
that's what he looked like,
all down my legs.
you stare at her,
silent, and she turns toward the window.
he blamed me.
her nails perch on her wrist,
waiting to bruise. autumn rain is the prettiest;
it tries to save what's already dead.
This Sadness Without a CauseThis sadness without a causeThis Sadness Without a Cause3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
like an old rebel
holds me back, keeps me in
dancing alone inside the castles that
I have been building
half my life - higher and higher
Impaled in the walls goes my heart
already alabaster and bloody ruby jewelry
rising in the staircases applying to Heaven's doors
behind stays... a well of wishes forged in Hell
after the leaves have fallen, one by one
as dreams and aspirations broken
The dark cold finds a way
to get into my skin, deep in
and my soul finds no compelling reason to fight against
this frozen emotion crystallized in time
immortalized by fragments of seconds
by the mere thought of you near
The window view exposes nothing new
the snow lies down... desperate in its whiteness
accepting me as its prisoner or guest
far away from the riverside, my water crumbles
I close my eyes and the sea comes to me
with the shape of clear blue skies in tears
© copyright of KAY MARCH - All Rights Reserved.
Hope and Disbeliefon the cornerHope and Disbelief2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
of hope and Disbelief
his cart to rescue him
the Gray horses of truth
to pound their hooves
on the Pathway of memories
the driver of shadows
to reach his hand out to help him up
the wheels of misfortune
to turn for the final time
the people around him to stop begging
to recognize there was no hope
the final moment
before he smiles for
the Last time
Memoirs of a psych patient Day 6Day 6Memoirs of a psych patient Day 64 years ago in Stories & Vignettes More Like This
morning- Last night there was this damn clicking sound! It practically kept me up all night and it's not like it was a tiny clicking sound, it was a heavy duty-transformer (not the robots) clicking on and off, it stopped around 6ish and I decided to tell the nurses.. I'll have to show them tomorow night, oh I'm 99% sure that it's not just me! Thank goodness it did stop though! Today is paper test day, so we'll see how that goes!
Later- Oh vici is comeing today hopefully, I'll have to give her a call, don't fprget!
afternoon- vici is not comeing she is broke and can't come, she'll be here on friday, I don't think they'll let me go by then, I hope I'll at least get my white band and will be able to walk around the hospital!
Around 3:00- sooo I just came back from tim hortans with the group, they allowed me to go, with supervision of course, but the supervisor said he would put in a good word so maybe I'll get my white band! NEWS UPDATE!!!! so i
No scapeTheres nothing that I can tell,No scape4 years ago in Emotional More Like This
the words are stuck on my throat
and it feels like Im breaking apart,
once again it seems that this road has no end,
no simple steps.
The burden on my shoulders is heavier that what I can carry on
Once again....... I have a mind break
Commission - That Smile of HisCommission - That Smile of His3 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
The day was dragging on into the evening. The sky was yellow mixed with orange and red but Ciel could already see the darkness of the night begin to engulf it.
"Young master, there are still a few document left that you must fill out." Sebastian said piling not just a small pile but a huge six foot tall pile of documents! This would take Ciel forever to finish. Giving a sigh Ciel said,
"Why can't you just do it all for me Sebastian."
"Well young master, this is your company and if you don't know how to run your own company, how do you expect to deal with all the drama in the future. Unless If you want me to do it so badly, you could give me a kiss~" Sebastian gave Ciel one of those annoying smiles that made Ciel's left eye twitch.