Cease and Desist, Online Bronies!"Cease and Desist, Online Bronies!"
The two words that bronies fear above all,
Making them a target for hunting's sake.
One after another they drop and fall,
Leaving a trail of brony-tears in their wake.
Then two bronies eager to quote the law,
(Threatening dreams of courthouses and bench)
Start their internet search and declare war,
Quoting vacuous facts from where and whence.
The first, with an authoritative eye,
Spreads leg to his foe by building his wall;
Mantles word from an informed alibi;
Clears throat and offers the following drawl:
"Hasbro, play the fair hand;
A year and a half has gone up in smoke!
I wasn't making a p
An Enterprise: The Brony Thanks-To-You ProjectA Short Enterprise: The Brony Thanks-To-You Project; Or, The Pocket-Book Misgivings of an Industrious Assembly.
From the perspective of the Right Honourable Diffuser of Situations Grave.
Pleasing as it is to the court of fine peers, I bid good passing that eyes are directed away from licentious misgivings of communication to a universal act of decency. Forwarding this matter, to the public entity of best intentions, I relay the pending program of diffusion; that I shall, with all good and fair-chosen morals, launch a campaign of acceptance, and it shall be called the Brony Thanks-To-You Project, which will, accordingly, boast produc
There's a Hole in my Lyra (Down Below)"Written from the Venerable Earl... to the concerned party,
It has come to my attention that with grave discourse many have seemingly adopted a negative stance towards the recent pony plush-toy range with the custom-cut vagina. I contend that such a plush has every right to exist and that those negatively disposed towards it are failing to see the multitudinous benefits to its existence. Firstly, and with the greatest of importance, may I add, I strongly argue that this plush-toy is no less acceptable than any other erotic image or work of fiction designed with the primary objective of helping a brony to reach a satisfying climax. In fact, I
"Pascal, do you think it bites?" A woman voice is heard in the darkness. "Huh? Is someone there?" Rould thought to himself. "No sharp teeth" Rould feel someone opening his mouth. "...Could use a little more brushing." Rould slowly open his eyes. He sees a slender girl with green eyes, freckles and long long long golden hair. The young girl shriek and knock Rould out cold with a frying pan. "What did I do? What I do?" She panicked. "Mother is going to kill me. Pascal quick! Help me hide the body." She lifted Rould's legs and look at her pet chameleon Pascal, who's only a few inches long. Pascal look back at the girl and frown. "Fine." She then wrapped her long hair around Rould's lifeless body and drag him across the floor. As she drag him, Rould's sceptre dropped and rolled under a chair. The young girl then sees a closet. She drag him in front of it hit Rould with the closet door. She then tries to lift him up only made her slide back. She then went behind the closet, threw her hair at a support beam above and pulley him up. Unfortunately, she forgot to open the closet door. Pascal shake his head of her dismay. The girl then walked back in front of the closet and opens the door, pull Rould up with her hair. While pulling, she walked backward for good momentum. The closet door slowly closed itself. The girl stand on the chair and swing to the closet but only made Rould hit his head with the closed door and the closet topple over. In frustration, she pulley the closet right back up to it's position and tried to drag him, yet again. Fortunately,by her luck, the closet closed on her and instead of having him inside with her, Rould is lying unconscious at front. She forcefully got out and push him inside upside-down and quickly closed the door. She dust her hands and the door swung open and his legs fell on top of her. She quickly grab a broom and shoved him right inside and then place a chair right in front.
"There's someone in my closet." She said to herself. "There is someone inside." She walk in front of her mirror carefully place on a wall. "There's a person inside my closet!" She laughed in triumphant. "Too weak to handle myself, mother?" She swing her frying pan and hit herself with it. She then pose her with it as if she was a brave warrior. "Rapunzel!" A voice a heard from outside. "Let down your hair!" She then ran off to the window and sees someone far down below. She pulley a middle aged woman with short curly ebony hair up. "Rapunzel!" She shouted from below. "I have a big surprise." "I do too mother." Rapunzel said as she lifted her up the tower. "I found some fresh parsnip. I'm going to make your favourite soup for dinner. Surprise!" She show a basket full of freshly pick parsnips. "Mother, there is something I want to tell you." "Oh, Rapunzel, you know I hate leaving you, especially when I do absolutely nothing wrong." The woman tossed her coat on a hanger and walk toward the table. "Okay, I have been thinking a lot bout what you said earlier." "I hope you are not talking about the stars." "Floating lights..." Rapunzel corrected her. "I really thought we finish that conversation." The woman said as she place the basket on the wooden table. "No mother, you didn't let me explain." "What's more to explain?" The ebony hair woman turn to her. "Well, you think I'm not strong enough to handle what's out there but..." Rapunzel slowly walk backward to the closet. "Oh, I don't think. I know for sure you are not strong enough for out there." The woman gave Rapunzel a cheecky smile. "But if you..." "Rapunzel we're done talking about it." "But mother, I..." "Shhh." "Trust me." Rapunzel climb up to a curtain covered wall and slowly pull the curtain. "Hush." "I know what I'm capa-" "Enough with the lights Rapunzel!!!!" She yell at her. "You are not leaving this tower, ever!!!!" Rapunzel stood there quietly and stare at the painted mural on the wall hidden behind the curtain and closed it back. "All I want to say is that I know what I want..." Rapunzel jumped down. "And what is that?" She said with her hands on her face. "I just wanted some Thalassa Shells to craft some stars to redecorate and hang over my bed." The woman lifted her hand away from her face. "The ocean is very far away from here. It would take me a couple of days just to reach the shores. Five tops." "I just thought making stars would be a lot better than seeing a real one." The woman sigh heavily. "All right." She walk toward Rapunzel. "Are you sure you will fine all alone, Rapunzel?" "Don't worry I am safe as long as I am here." Rapunzel hug her. The woman pack some things, climb down the tower and off she went. Rapunzel wave good-bye to her. As soon as she was not visible by her, Rapunzel quickly ran back inside.
Rapunzel then grab her frying pan and removed the chair securing the closet door. It slowly open by itself. Rould stood there inside, still knocked out. She tied Rould up with her golden locks and stand guard in the nearest corner. Rould slowly open his eyes. "Wha...what happen?" He open his eyes just a bit wider. "Where am I?" "Who are you?" Rapunzel yell in the distance. Rould open his eyes wide enough to see himself tied up. "Is this...is this hair?" Rould tries to free his arms. "I know why you are here and I am not afraid of you!" Rapunzel yelled far from Rould. "Wait...you know Merlin?" Rapunzel walk closer to Rould with frying pan on armed. "Who's Merlin? How did you find this tower?" Rould just stare at her blankly. "Who are you and how did you find me?" She raised her frying pan up. "I don't know who you are and what kind of reason you tied me. But I am looking for someone." "Is it me you are looking for?" Rapunzel slowly went around Rould, his eyes follow her. "No. Someone else." Rould look down. "Someone very special to me." "Who else know this location? Are you being followed? How did you get here?" "Easy there. Those questions are a bit difficult to answers. I am just fighting off some Lethes so I can save my Aniki from the darkness." Rapunzel look at him puzzled. "Lethes?" "Those little black creatures that thrives on people's memories." Rapunzel raises her frying pan. "You're lying!" Rapunzel tighten her grip. "No such things has set foot in here." Suddenly two Lethes appear around Rapunzel. She turned to all side while holding the frying pan. "What..what are these things?" She yelled. "Those are the Lethes I'm talking about!" Rould shouted while still tied up. "Mother never told me these type of 'things' existed." She glare at Rould and shove a frying pan up his neck. "You're the one that brought them here." Rould couldn't answer with the cookware lodge up in his throat. "I'm going to show you what I am capable of." She removed the cookware off Rould and quickly spun herself making Rould fall of his chair and onto the floor. He landed where his sceptre rolled into. Rapunzel starts swinging her frying pan knocking a couple of Lethes. Rould quickly grab his staff and stand in front of her, "You're not bad." He said. " But let me show you how it's done."
After a few minutes of battle, and the Lethes vanished, Rould smile at Rapunzel. She quickly whipped her hair a retied up Rould. "Hey!" Rould yell struggling to get out. "What was that for?" Rapunzel lodge her frying pan up his throat. "So...what do you want with my hair?" She interrogated. "To cut it?" "Wait..what!" Rould said shockingly. "Too sell it?" "Listen! The only thing I wanted to do with your hair is to get out of it...forever. So I can keep on looking for my aniki." Rould yell at her. "You don't want my hair?" She removed the pan away from him. "Why in bloody blazes do I want someone hair for?" Rould ask. "Especially yours." She shoved the pan back up. "And what is wrong with my hair?" "Again with the throat?" Rapunzel moved her pan away. "Look, I just walked into some portal and end up collapsing here in your world. END OF STORY!" "World? Portal?" Rapunzel had a difficult time understanding him. She looked at Pascal and whisper to her pet chameleon. "I think this guy is crazy." "I can hear you." Rould shouted in the back. "Well Mr. crazy person type sir. I'm prepare to offer you a deal." She walked to Rould. "Deal?" He asked. "I will help you find your so-called 'aniki'" She said in with air quotes. "If you can take me to where these mysterious 'lights' shine." Rould look at her perplexing. "What lights?" She lifted the curtains to reveal a painting her done of her looking at the lights over the sky. " Tomorrow evening they will appear across the night skies. You, will act as my guide, will take me to see these lights and return me home safely." "Right...only one flaw with that plan of yours." Rould said. "With all these Lethes around, I cannot be babysitting you and find my friend at the same time." "Well you can see what I am capable of." She jumped down from where she was. "Plus you really look like you need my help. And without my help, you won't will be able to leave this tower." "Fine! Fine! I'll take you to see these 'lights'." Rapunzel cheer happily. "By the way...what is so special about of these 'lights'?" " That's what I wanted to know."
Rould climb down the tower. He look up and still see her on top. "You coming down?" Rapunzel then use her hair and climb down. She hesitated at first but then quickly touch the grass beneath her. She then run around enjoying her new found freedom. "I can't believe I did this!" She starts to freak out. "I can't believe I did this!!!" He ran around some more. " I can't believe I did this!!" Rapunzel cheer happily. "Mother will kill me." She then splash around by the river. "But that's okay. She won't have to find out. Right?" Later she is found in a fetal position. "Oh my god this is going to kill her. I am a horrible human being. I'm going back." She is later found doing cartwheel. "I am never going back!!! Best day ever!!!!!" Rould then found her sulking by a rock. "Bi-polar isn't she?" He thought to himself. He walked up toward her. "I can't help seeing, you are in a little war here." Rould said. "You notice?" Rapunzel look up. "Only things here and there. This is serious stuff. But let me tell you, this is part of growing up. Rebellious. Adventures. That's good. But if you think you are not ready, the tower awaits for you and you will spend the rest of your lifetime wondering what if. Not what you did." Rould reach his hand. Rapunzel reach for his hand and stood up. Suddenly, the bushes starts to rustle. "What is that? Lethes? Some other kind of monsters?" She hid behind Rould. Rould drew his staff to protect her. He step a little closer to see what was making the commotion. A little bird hop out then flew away. They both sigh with relief. "So, what are you waiting for?" Rould said to Rapunzel. Pascal climb up onto her and nodded. "All right. Let's go."
Meanwhile, while walking in the woods, the ebony hair woman was suddenly stopped by a mysterious person in cloak. "Are you one of the King's guard?" She startle. "Guard? No. But someone you love have been lost." The mysterious figure said. "Lost?" The woman look back. "Rapunzel." She then quickly ran back to the tower. "Rapunzel. Rapunzel. Let down your hair." There was no answer. She ran over to the other side of the tower and open a passage leading to the top. She frantically search for her. "She isn't here Gothel." The mysterious man walk out of the shadow. "Where is she? Where is my Rapunzel!?!" Gothel scolded him. "She has been taking captive by a man of time." He reach into his cloak and pull out a dagger. "Take this to kill him and you can save you precious Rapunzel." He handed the dagger to Gothel, then disappear.
Back in the forest, Rapunzel and Rould were chatting up a storm until Rould hit his head with a hanging sign. "Bloody! Who put that there?" He yell. "The Snuggly Duckling?" Rapunzel ask Rould. "What is that?" "Not sure but let's go find out." Rould grab her hand and together the run down the path. They open the door and then they were surrounded by huge thugs. One of them starts to attack Rould. Rould uses his staff to defend him and Rapunzel. She swing her frying pan around a hit a couple of them. One of them men suddenly grab him and threw him up in the air. "Fire!" Rould shoot fire from his staff. Rapunzel help more by swinging her pan around knocking a few more out. Another thug went after Rapunzel. Rould quickly grab her by her hair and pull her up to safety and then swing around, like a vine, hitting each one of the muscle men. "Enough!" Someone yell behind a group of thugs. A dark colour man with gun attach to his arm walk in. "You have a lot of nerve walking like that." He glare at both Rould and Rapunzel. "I wasn't the one who started first." Rould said to man. "You are not from around here. What do they call you?" He said while pointing his mechanical arm at Rould. "I'm Rould." He gulped. "Well Rould, you and the other blonde should leave before you get kill." "Stop it!" Rapunzel walk up toward the menacing man. "Look, I need him to escort me to see these mysterious lights that only appear once a year." She threatened him with her cookware. "And there is nothing you can do to stop us." The dark coloured man laughed. "This girl has spunk. I like her." He grab Rapunzel around his sweaty arms and hug her. Then let her go. "The name's Barrett. With an attitude like that, you can go places." "Umm..thanks." Rapunzel step back. "But not here." He then point his gun at her. Rould ran in front and protected her. "Listen, we just want to find a way to the light. No harm done." Rould said while grabbing Rapunzel from behind. "Ok. I'm going to let you go." Barrett withdraw his gun. Then there ambush by a hoard of Lethes. Barrett open a secret compartment from underneath. "Go." He said to them. "But..." Rould starts to answer. "Go before I change my mind!" Barrett threw Rould in it. Rapunzel follows him and look back. "Thank you." She said and crawl into the passage. Gothel watch the whole thing outside of the tavern window. "Rapunzel."
Rould and Rapunzel reach the other side of the passage where they found themselves on top of a cliff. "I have an idea. Hold this." She shove her frying pan at Rould, then lasso her hair onto a beam and swung over to the other side. She then lasso Rould to her side of the cliff. While being lasso the dam starts to break. "Great. Just my luck." He ran out grabbing Rapunzel. "Don't speak just run." He said to her. The water gushes out of the reservoir. They ran avoiding the fallen rocks above them. "Look a way out." Rould and Rapunzel ran toward the mine shaft and escape the falling rocks and pillars. The water rises within the cavern. "I can't find a way out." Rould said to Rapunzel. "This all my fault. I know I shouldn't have done this." Rapunzel said out loud. "No this is mine. How are we going to escape." Rould said to her. Rapunzel then starts to sing.
Magic hair glows, let your power shine.
Rapunzel hair glow brightly within the darkness. "Rapunzel! Your hair!" Rould said shockingly. The water rises higher and Rould sees an exit. He push some boulder away and escape. They reached the surface gasping for air. "Made it." Rapunzel said with relief. "Your hair glow?" Rould look at Rapunzel. "Why didn't you tell me your hair glows?" "I kinda forgot." Rapunzel smile. "How..how can you forget something like that?" "Well Mr. Mage." she climb out of the water. "Ahh, touché." Rould climb out afterwards.
Meanwhile Gothel hid herself from the other passage from the hidden tunnel. "You let them escape. But I can help you." The mysterious man walk out from behind. "You again? What do you mean, you can help? I already have this." Gothel show him the dagger. "You may want to use these." The mysterious man then summon a group of Lethes. "They will help you seek your revenge. There is only one thing I need. from you."
Back where Rould and Rapunzel at. Rapunzel grabbed some firewood while Rould kindle a fire. "Why aren't you using your...stick?" Rapunzel ask Rould. "It's takes a lot of energy from me. Plus I need my strength." The camp fire grew. "Okay, fire's done." Rould stood up. "So what's with the glowing magical hair?" He ask her. "Mother said when I was a baby people try to cut it. But when they do cut it loses it magical ability and then turns brown. Mother always protected me. That is why.." "That's why you never left your tower." Rapunzel look at Rould. He then stood up. "I'm going to dry up clothes by the rivers. I'll be back in a bit." Rould then left. Rapunzel was alone for a while until Gothel show up behind her. "Well. I thought he never leave." Gothel said while lifting her hood. "Hello dear." "How...how did you find me?" Rapunzel stutter. "It was easy." Gothel hug her. "Mother.." Rapunzel said. "We're going home. Now." Gothel interrupted her. "You don't understand. I have been in this incredible journey. I see and learn so much. And Rould and I fought some Lethes..." "Lethes?" Gothel smile at her. "Yes. There are those black creatures that appear out of nowhere and..." "Yeah, yeah yeah. Mother's proud but it's time for you go home." Gothel grab her by the arms. "Mother!" Rapunzel shouted. "I see that's how it is. But let me warn you. Mother's knows best." Gothel then vanish. Replacing her was a pack of Lethes. Rapunzel scream. Rould heard the scream and ran after her. "Lethes." Rould, with Rapunzel help, fight off the Lethes. "Are you okay?" He said to her. "Yes I am." "Good, you had me worry." Rould sat down on a tree trunk to rest. He then look up at a worrying Rapunzel. "Are you sure you are okay?" I'm fine...just fine." Close by Gothel was watching over the two. "Patient. You will get your man soon enough." Gothel said to the mysterious man. "And you will get the girl." He answer back.
Daybreak and Rould was awaken by a white stallion. "Woah! What in blazes...A horse?" He said surprisingly. He went closer to pet him. The horse bit him. "Mother of..." Rapunzel woke up. "What's going on?" "He bit me. The stupid horse bit me." Rould said looking at his hand. "Where did he come from?" Rapunzel ask. "I don't know but he bit me." The start to go wild. "Easy boy. Easy. Calm down." Horse calm down. "You are not so bad aren't you?" She petted him. "Where do you think he came from?" Rapunzel ask Rould. "How should I know." He answer back. "Look he's has tag. Maximus." She read it. "We should go and return this horse back to it's owner."
The group later reach into town where a large castle stood gazing upon the crowd. "Wow! Nice place." Rould said. "This is where you live?" The Maximus neigh and nodded.
They walk in further. The town was full of people. Each one busy working and doing what villager do. Rapunzel even have her hair braided so they won't trouble her by stepping on her long golden hair. She enjoyed herself with the music and festivity of the town. They visit the many places available. The library. The bakery. The local pigsty where Rould accidentally fell on a pile of mud. Night fall and Rould and Rapunzel drifted on a boat. "Are you okay Rapunzel?" He ask her. "Terrible." He said quietly. "Why?" He ask. "You know...it has been 18 years. I have dreaming about what those lights in the skies are." Rapunzel said moving her hand across the water. "But I still don't know what they are yet? What if it isn't what I dream of everything I dream to be?" Rould reach into the covers of the boat and took out two paper lanterns and handed one to her. "When I was younger, both my parents pass away. Aniki was the only family member I knew. Every year on my birthday, we would walk toward the shore and light up a few candle and release them into the heavens. Hoping the flames will not burn out and our wishes come true." He lit Rapunzel's lantern on. "Happy Birthday." Rould lit his too. Together they release their lantern into the air. As the lantern rises up. The entire town flicker brightly and thousands of lanterns rises above the skies. "Rould look!" She pointed out. "The lights. They are shining." Well I'll be."
The waves underneath increases and ripples appears. "What's going on?" The boat starts to b=rock back and forth. Rapunzel look into the water. Tentacles appear in the depth and grab Rapunzel and drag her into the water. "Rould!" She scream before she was pulled in. "Rapunzel!!" Rould dove right after her. The water was dark and Rould couldn't see anything. Then a green light break the darkness and Rould sees Rapunzel tangled by a large creature's tentacle. More lights shine brightly and Rould sees his sharp teeth. Rould was about to use his magic based attack but then he realised they would be ineffective or worst hurt Rapunzel. He swim deeper where Rapunzel is. Swings his staff and one of it's tentacle retracted. Rould then have an idea. He then swam toward Rapunzel and hit the monster's tentacle. The giant Lethe loosen it's grip and Rapunzel escape. She swam up toward. Rould climb after her. "Hurry paddle!" He yell. Rapunzel took one of the oars and paddle along with Rould. "Faster, he gaining on us." The both paddle as hard as they could while the monster chase after them. They reach the shore and Rapunzel got off. "Go Rapunzel!" But Rould?" "I said go!" Rould dive right into the water as Rapunzel watched him. "Be careful." She yell out in the horizon. Rould is face to face with the monster. He swings his staff attacking the tentacles. The giant Lethe spits ink at the hero. Rould swim and dodge the black ooze. It then twirl itself around attacking Rould with it's tentacles. When it stops, Rould attack it again. The Lethe summon electric bubbles. One of them hit Rould and he is momentarily paralyse. The monster attack Rould with it's tentacle. Rould was hurt. His hit points dropped. Rould attack it again with the staff. The monster defended itself. It then twirl itself, Rould dodge the tentacles. Rould then went for the attack. The monster was hurt. It summons electric bubbles. Rould dodge them. Rould then attack the giant Lethe. Ink splattered all over. The water was darken and Rould couldn't see him. The monster shine it's green light and Rould instantly went for it. He attack the gem that was on the monster's forehead. The monster flinch. Rould went in again and break the gem. The giant Lethe disappear and Rould receive a new card to his deck.
Rould swam up to surface until a whirlpool underneath him opens. Rapunzel watch him as he is drag into the water. "Rould!" She yell. "Rapunzel!!!!" He scream gasping for air. Then Rould disappear into the darkness of the water. "Rould!!!" Rapunzel yell. "Rould!!! Rould!!!!" She ran onto the water. "Rould!!! Answer me!!!" She dropped onto her knees. "Where are you?" A shadow lurks behind her and she slowly turn around. "I've been looking for you princess." Rapunzel sees a man in a dark cloak. He lifted up his hood to reveal his face. "Who are you?" Rapunzel ask him. "One of the keepers of the stars." Mother Gothel step out behind him. "Isn't that right? Morieli." Rapunzel look at the man with the Scorpio tattoo on his chest. Morieli grabbed Rapunzel and covered her mouth so she wouldn't scream. Rapunzel struggle but cannot get free from his arms. "Don't you fear my darling Rapunzel." Gothel said to Rapunzel. She then walk closer to Rapunzel's ear and whisper. "Mother's knows best."