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for the hundreds and hundreds of Japanese who were removed from their homes here because of world war two.
for those who died in hiroshima's explosion, and for those who fought bravely on Iwo Jima

for all those soldiers who have died, for all those who lived.
thank you for fighting for us to keep our peace.

/happy late remembrance day
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our society is built on the binary of proper lines.

spotless, picturesque, sanitary lives trailing cycle upon cycle of symmetry.

yet we function better without framed order.
we have wanderlust built into our core; we bleed out the seasons when it suits us.
our lives are made of tire treds feeding the clouded sunset, skies pouring violently over
ravenous hearts seeking catharsis.

the nyctophiliac, the heliophiliac.
the nemophilist, the pluviophile.

if we breathed in your blank normalcy, we'd crumble and die.
Whilst "learning" in math today, I wrote this,  because I was about to cry. 
Most of you know I'm depressed, and yea, I should get over it, or so my step father says.
But the truth is, life fucking sucks, and there's no way you can tell the cake from the mud.
If you're about to heave your inside out all over your desk, you should have the ability to walk and take a break from the day to day pointlessness of school.
And work.  And life, for that matter.  But no.  "Just cheer up" is all they'll probably give you. 
So yea.  Learning about domain and range will be a HUGE fucking help to me in the future.
No, fuck that bullshit.  Your inner thoughts are far more valuable than anything they teach you in this shitty public school system. 
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Wanna kill yourself? Imagine this. You come home from school one day. You've had yet another horrible day. You're just ready to give up. So you go to your room, close the door, and take out that suicide note you've written and rewritten over and over and over. You take out those razor blades, and cut for the very last time. You grab that bottle of pills and take them all. Laying down, holding the letter to your chest, you close your eyes for the very last time.

A few hours later, your little brother knocks on your door to come tell you dinners ready. You don't answer, so he walks in. All he sees is you laying on your bed, so he thinks you're asleep. He tells your mom this. Your mom goes to your room to wake you up. She notices something is odd. She grabs the paper in your hand and reads it. Sobbing, she tries to wake you up. She's screaming your name. Your brother, so confused, runs to go tell Dad that "Mommy is crying and sissy won't wake up." Your dad runs to your room. He looks at your mom, crying, holding the letter to her chest, sitting next to your lifeless body. It hits him, what's going on, and he screams. He screams and throws something at the wall. And then, falling to his knees, he starts to cry. Your mom crawls over to him, and they sit there, holding each other, crying.

The next day at school, there's an announcement. The principal tells everyone about your suicide. It takes a few seconds for it to sink in, and once it does, everyone goes silent. Everyone blames themselves. Your teachers think they were too hard on you. Those mean popular girls, they think of all the things they've said to you. That boy that used to tease you and call you names, he can't help but hate himself for never telling you how beautiful you really are. Your ex boyfriend, the one that you told everything to, that broke up with you.. He can't handle it. He breaks down and starts crying, and runs out of the school. Your friends? They're sobbing too, wondering how they could never see that anything was wrong, wishing they could have helped you before it was too late. And your best friend? She's in shock. She can't believe it. She knew what you were going through, but she never thought it would get that bad… Bad enough for you to end it. She can't cry, she can't feel anything. She stands up, walks out of the classroom, and just sinks to the floor. Shaking, screaming, but no tears coming out.

It's a few days later, at your funeral. The whole town came. Everyone knew you, that girl with the bright smile and bubbly personality. The one that was always there for them, the shoulder to cry on. Lots of people talk about all the good memories they had with you, there were a lot. Everyone's crying, your little brother still doesn't know you killed yourself, he's too young. Your parents just said you died. It hurts him, a lot. You were his big sister, you were supposed to always be there for him.
Your best friend, she stays strong through the entire service, but as soon as they start lowering your casket into the ground, she just loses it. She cries and cries and doesn't stop for days.

It's two years later. The whole school talks to a counsellor/therapist at least once a week. Your teachers all quit their job. Those mean girls have eating disorders now. That boy that used to tease you cuts himself. Your ex boyfriend doesn't know how to love anymore and just sleeps around with girls. Your friends all go into depression. Your best friend? She tried to kill herself. She didn't succeed like you did, but she tried…your brother? He finally found out the truth about your death. He self harms, he cries at night, he does exactly what you did for years leading up to your suicide. Your parents? Their marriage fell apart. Your dad became a workaholic to distract himself from your death. Your mom got diagnosed with depression and just lays in bed all day.
People care. You may not think so, but they do. Your choices don't just effect you. They effect everyone. Don't end your life, you have so much to live for. Things can't get better if you give up.
Wanna kill yourself? Imagine this. You come home from school one day. You've had yet another horrible day. You're just ready to give up. So you go to your room, close the door, and take out that suicide note you've written and rewritten over and over and over. You take out those razor blades, and cut for the very last time. You grab that bottle of pills and take them all. Laying down, holding the letter to your chest, you close your eyes for the very last time.
A few hours later, your little brother knocks on your door to come tell you dinners ready. You don't answer, so he walks in. All he sees is you laying on your bed, so he thinks you're asleep. He tells your mom this. Your mom goes to your room to wake you up. She notices something is odd. She grabs the paper in your hand and reads it. Sobbing, she tries to wake you up. She's screaming your name. Your brother, so confused, runs to go tell Dad that "Mommy is crying and sissy won't wake up." Your dad runs to your room. He looks at your mom, crying, holding the letter to her chest, sitting next to your lifeless body. It hits him, what's going on, and he screams. He screams and throws something at the wall. And then, falling to his knees, he starts to cry. Your mom crawls over to him, and they sit there, holding each other, crying.
The next day at school, there's an announcement. The principal tells everyone about your suicide. It takes a few seconds for it to sink in, and once it does, everyone goes silent. Everyone blames themselves. Your teachers think they were too hard on you. Those mean popular girls, they think of all the things they've said to you. That boy that used to tease you and call you names, he can't help but hate himself for never telling you how beautiful you really are. Your ex boyfriend, the one that you told everything to, that broke up with you.. He can't handle it. He breaks down and starts crying, and runs out of the school. Your friends? They're sobbing too, wondering how they could never see that anything was wrong, wishing they could have helped you before it was too late. And your best friend? She's in shock. She can't believe it. She knew what you were going through, but she never thought it would get that bad… Bad enough for you to end it. She can't cry, she can't feel anything. She stands up, walks out of the classroom, and just sinks to the floor. Shaking, screaming, but no tears coming out.
It's a few days later, at your funeral. The whole town came. Everyone knew you, that girl with the bright smile and bubbly personality. The one that was always there for them, the shoulder to cry on. Lots of people talk about all the good memories they had with you, there were a lot. Everyone's crying, your little brother still doesn't know you killed yourself, he's too young. Your parents just said you died. It hurts him, a lot. You were his big sister, you were supposed to always be there for him.
Your best friend, she stays strong through the entire service, but as soon as they start lowering your casket into the ground, she just loses it. She cries and cries and doesn't stop for days.
It's two years later. The whole school talks to a counsellor/therapist at least once a week. Your teachers all quit their job. Those mean girls have eating disorders now. That boy that used to tease you cuts himself. Your ex boyfriend doesn't know how to love anymore and just sleeps around with girls. Your friends all go into depression. Your best friend? She tried to kill herself. She didn't succeed like you did, but she tried…your brother? He finally found out the truth about your death. He self harms, he cries at night, he does exactly what you did for years leading up to your suicide. Your parents? Their marriage fell apart. Your dad became a workaholic to distract himself from your death. Your mom got diagnosed with depression and just lays in bed all day.
People care. You may not think so, but they do. Your choices don't just effect you. They effect everyone. Don't end your life, you have so much to live for. Things can't get better if you give up.
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I was the forgotten girl.
I've been used and discarded, I've got nothing left.
I'm exhausted and emotional.
I'm numb from the pain, although it still stings a bit.
Then you came into my life..
You took away all the hurt
You made me happy again
Even made me feel better about my self
You protected me from what i've been hiding from my entire life.
It's funny how just one person can change your whole outlook on life.
*Edit: Yes, it does not have to be in a romantic sense*
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i don't understand the sentimental value of these arrangements,
         we are foreign even to each other,
although i try to fit into your skin
              suffocatingly synthetic slimy heavy and
                            tadpoles blasting out of my throat,

as far apart as planets can be
         and you are not the world but a world and even then
                          black hole of a raindrop

as we all are when/(unless) we begin; i am making sounds
                         ending this on a flat d-drone; you see how hard it is for me
to understand mechanics; adream in
                          uncircumcised unsubsidized great gracefulness

           of slow time. tongues roll like rippling white flags,

the cross-section of a mountain leads one to a uterus,
          we climb up a little too late
                      and reach a sad handful of firebird sediment.

when and how it will be reassembled
              and has it already been while signals are nullified;
and the violent spams of unbirth pass through us too
                           like radiation or harmless waves

but that is the atmosphere we're marinating in. that is the law.
        but you want nail clippings and tallies on trophy skins.
but try fighting for once.

               it feels good and it's good for the soul, they say.
i'll be back to writing real stuff... one day... this seems to be slowdown month for everyone
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Today, I died.
They strung me up on a rainbow rope
And lit a fire beneath my feet.
Actually, I'm enjoying the warmth.
I wrote this quite a while ago. I came across it and remembered that day when the weights came off of my shoulders =]

(Written October 27, 2009)
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I feel really numb..

I realize that I exist,
yet I don't feel alive.
I feel so lost, lost inside my own thoughts.
I don't feel like crying,
I also don't feel like smiling.
Can I just fall asleep forever?
I hate when I feel like this, it makes me just want to sleep for months.
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I chose this life.
I chose to set myself up as an Outcast.
I chose to hear my best friends
Tell me that I am going to hell.
I chose to hear the words Dyke and Faggot
Spat through scornful lips in my direction.
I chose to lose the love of my Family.
To hear them say that I was sick.
That I was wrong.
I chose to place the dreams
Of marrying the person I love
In a file marked as classified
By popular demand.
I chose to have the doors of my church
Slammed in my face
Because apparently, I am the exception to
"Love your fellow man."
I chose to be chastised
For holding hands in public.
I chose to look over my shoulder
At every corner
Afraid for my life simply because
I fell in love.
I chose this life.
I chose to be a Lesbian.
For anyone who has ever been told that homosexuality is a choice...

Fortunately, few of these reflect my own personal experiences. However the countless Members of the LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender) community that face these things, and often worse, every day cannot be ignored. No one, and I mean NO ONE, would chose to live through that. And the sooner the biggoted individuals of the world get that fact very clearly implanted into their heads, the sooner we can live on a peaceful planet. <3
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I want to be more than just
a tangle of arteries and cartilage
I want to be pink sunsets,
poppy tendrils, and puzzle pieces:
things not to be lost in the folds of time
or buried to feed summer grasses;

I want to mean something
through the small things,
so even if this poem is forgotten
amongst greater works,
and even if my small deeds are lost
amid the grandiose ones,
I will still resonate;

I will resonate in the way
that I held my daughter’s hand
and braided her hair into plaits,
in the way that I spoke
gently and with a honey tongue,
in the way that I carried myself
like I had never felt grief’s weight
settle on my birdlike shoulders;

And when you cannot recall
the exact color of my eyes,
the sound of my smile,
or the look of my laugh,
I hope you will not forget me entirely,
I hope I will resonate with you.
Worked on this yesterday and today between family visitings. I hope you guys had a lovely holiday and a good day in general!

This one took a lot of reworking and rephrasing because I kept making myself sound like I think I'm God and a complete and utter narcissist. Hopefully I fixed that...
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Bullets that are too far away to hear back home
But words that will forever ring just as loud in my ears
Delivered from the lips of a uniformed man
The sympathetic sentence any mother fears to hear

I turn away as if ignoring his presence
Will make this unwanted reality go away
But he repeats that he is sorry for my loss
Those words are the last thing I remember of that day

I find myself looking out of the back yard window
On the swings in the garden I still see my boy play
I am bringing drinks out to him and his brothers
Under the sun, on the grass, on endless summer days

Those memories like photographs in frames on the wall
Now show my son with a wife and child of his own
A husband and father torn from their loving arms
In to the mass grave-in-waiting of a war zone

His old bedroom was already a shrine to him
Even before his blood soaked deep in to the desert sands
We waited for him to return from his first tour
Knowing the boy we’d said goodbye to would come home a man

Although we brought him up with morals and beliefs
Compassion and bravery were born within him
For the country he loved his life has been cut short
Now in silence he lays in a flag adorned coffin

Pride gives way to grief and grief gives way to anger
As right now everything is overshadowed with pain
The world wakes up this morning no closer to peace
We wake up knowing we won't see our son again

He’s just another news story in a newspaper
You can turn the page over and the sadness is gone
But for us it lingers and I cant help but wonder
How many more sons and daughters will become fallen ones
realityisfarlessexciting
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