Dear Bleach Fanfiction Authors Ch 3Humorous drabble series:
Chapter 3: Mayuri Kurotsuchi
Dear Bleach Fanfiction Authors,
Ah, a very interesting psychological experiment here, this 'fanfiction'! *cackles* My trusty lab assistant has written a program to scrape all the Bleach content from the fanfiction dot net website, all 66,274 stories of it, and input it into our databases here in the Twelfth Division. I have made some fascinating discoveries. (And indeed, some fodder for blackmail… *rubs hands together* …that should assist us with those pesky budgetary difficulties we've been having ever since the 'incident' where soutaichou regrettably discovered the purposes we were using some of our research funds for...)
Ahem. On to the data.
Tsk, tsk. Some of you should attend fiction writing classes on how to avoid clichéd language. There are twelve thousand, five hundred and twenty-seven mentions of 'chocolate orbs', 'violet orbs' or 'teal orbs.' Not to mention 'raven tresses' or 'orange locks.' These are
Dear Bleach Fanfiction Authors Ch 1Chapter 1 - Ichigo KurosakiDear Bleach Fanfiction Authors Ch 13 years ago in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
Summary: Humorous short letters to Bleach fanfiction authors: what the characters would say in response to common fanfic clichés. Canon universe and pairings, mostly. Drabble series. Suggestions welcome!
Inspired by Horizons' Harry Potter story of the same name.
A/N: I'm not trying to diss any pairings in these drabbles. I'm just trying to imagine what the Bleach characters themselves would say about them, and remember, there are very few canon pairings.
Those of you who have read my writing know that I am poking fun at some of the pairings (and clichés) I myself love and/or write.
So please remember not to take any of this too seriously. I promise not to put any of my own or others' pairing preferences in these drabbles. Canon pairings only, and even those may come in for some roasting.
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach.
Dear Bleach Fanfiction Authors,
I just found your site, and frankly, it's disturbing.
Dear Bleach Fanfiction Authors Ch 2Chapter 2 Toshiro HitsugayaDear Bleach Fanfiction Authors Ch 23 years ago in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
Dear Bleach Fanfiction Authors,
There's no reason for me to be such a popular character with you people. I'm simply good at my job, that's all, and personally, I'd prefer not to have all this attention. And stop saying I have "teal orbs!"
And if I'm so popular, how come so many of your fanfictions feature me being tortured?
While we're on the subject of torture, could you please not write me in a romantic relationship with Lieutenant Matsumoto? She is a competent lieutenant if, and only if, I keep after her. And if she lays off the sake. But we have a purely, and I mean purely, professional relationship.
As to the other romances:
Momo is my sister, for goodness sake. We grew up together. Of course I love her as a sister. Let me tell you, when you've cleaned up after someone wetting the bed, you just don't, uh, think of her that way.
Ichigo? Oh, I forgot, everybody gets paired with him. But seriously no.
Karin? Who's Karin?
Envy--FMA Character Analysis 1Hello fellow FMA fans and obsessive Envy fans! Here is Part 1 of my first character analysis of the world's most misunderstood homunculus, Envy. I'm doing AS-level English Literature at school, so an in-depth character analysis didn't seem like such a massive overwhelming feat to accomplish. I am going to try and be as neutral as possible when dealing with the surprisingly deep character that is Envy, so as to make the analysis believable. I'm going to look at his (or rather, as in the manga, 'ITS') character as it was originally portrayed by Hiromu Arakawa in the manga series of Fullmetal Alchemist, for obvious reasons, and am going to refer to Envy as 'it' throughout the essay for that reason.Envy--FMA Character Analysis 14 years ago in Profiles More Like This
The points I am going to expand and elaborate on in the essays are:
-Envy's human appearance, and how it is deeply significant.
-Envy's fascination, and subsequent hatred, of humans, which stems from its insecurities.
-The intense fear of death that Envy shows on two, very interesting, occas
Percy Jackson Chatbox 2Percy Jackson and the OlympiansPercy Jackson Chatbox 25 years ago in Comedy More Like This
Oceanwaves345 (Percy) has signed in
Goatfreak695 (Grover) has signed in
Oceanwaves345: 0.0 (Snicker snicker)
Goatfreak695: It's not funny!! WHO DID THIS?
Lotsofbiceps594 (Ares) has signed in
Oceanwaves345: lolz AWKWARD
Lotsofbiceps594: It's a good name!! NOW STOP LAUGHING OR ELSE I WILL RIP BOTH OF YOU TO SHREADS!! LITTERALY!!!!
Brainiac1224 (Annabeth) has signed in
Brainiac1224: ARES, YOU'RE SUCH A BEEPIN LOSER!!! YOU STINK!!! YOUR SUCH A &&^%$#@#$#$$%%!!!!
Oceanwaves345: wow I never knew children of Athena had the right to swear but nice swear words!
Lotsofbiceps594: that's IT!! I know Percy laughed at my profile name, but SHOUTING OUT DOLLAR SIGNS AT ME FOR NO REASON?? You've gone way to FAR!! IM CALLING ATHENA!! AS SOON AS I GET HER NUMBER!!!
Brainiac1224: it's 777-777-BRAINS.
Lotsofbiceps594: oh thanks. (calls)
Wisegod495 (Athena) has logged in
Lotsofbiceps594: ATHENAAA!! YOU'VE GOT TO SEE TH
Whats with all the Winry hateThis is an essa for Full Metal Alchemist Winry, NOT Full Metal Brotherhood Winry.Whats with all the Winry hate4 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
I have heard how Winry is, a 'slut' 'whiney' and 'selfish'
WINRY IS A SLUT
Okay, tell me how is Winry a slut? Because she dosen't where a shirt sometimes. So what, loads of people don't where shirts, does that make them sluts? Does she walk up to Edward ans say, "Ohhhhh Edward, I want you in my bed," then get it on with him, only to go get it one with another male? No Winry does not do that. She is not a slut in any way, shape or form.
The only one that comes close to being a slut is Lust. She has shown to like men quite a bit, but only uses them to get what she wants, and she dress more sluty than Winry does, and her name sugests it to. Lust means, Sexual desire.
WINRY IS WHINEY
How is she whiney? She doesn't have fits everytime she doesn't get her way. She hardly ever pouts. She does get mad and Edward and Al for not keeping in contact and for keeping her in the dark, which it understand
Perfect - Envy to EdHate.Perfect - Envy to Ed9 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
Is that really it?
What I feel for you?
You tiny, hot tempered fool.
Or is it my namesake, instead?
Do I really envy you?
Am I jealous?
Of what, though?
I have everything.
I can be everything.
I can turn your arm into flesh on me.
So why would I be jealous?
You were abandoned like me.
We're almost the same.
I don't envy you.
...So why do I have this name?
He wasn't there.
For both of us.
On the contary, he was with me longer.
And he left after he saw me reborn.
So are you just the perfect one?
Because he came back to you?
And he avoids me?
Am I jealous of that fact?
That he loves you more?
That you're the favorite?
Is that why I hate you?
Because you're just so damn perfect.
You didn't drink mercury.
You didn't die.
You're just so damn smart, aren't you?
So damn perfect.
The golden son.
While I, the first, sits here in last place.
Behind the one who never even spoke to him as a human.
EnvyDescribing a MonsterEnvy4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Strange yet Beautiful
Cold Blooded Killer.
Cautious and Fearless.
Oh ever so lonely.
All I want is be whole again.
Get rid of this sickening feeling inside me.
This thing that controls me.
Leading me on by jealousy.
I don't like it.
I want to be some one again.
On my own terms.
And to forget why.
Why I was created.
The reason why I was born.
I am Envy.
Not William Elric.
I'm a monster.
But it of course is my fault.
I'm use to punishment.
In ways you humans couldn't imagine.
Though the truth hurts worse then being ripped apart.
It hurts worse then having your insides torn out.
It even hurts worse then being reduced to ash.
I am Envy.
A feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone's possessions, qualities, or luck
A person or thing that inspires such a feeling
Desire to have a qua
HomUnculuS--FMA fanfic SpecialHomUnculuS--FMA fanfic Special4 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
A Day in the Eons
Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.
-Edgar Allen Poe
I walk quietly through a cobbled street I remember. Snatches of the past haunt my minds' eye as I move, shadow-like, through the lamp-beams illuminating golden circles in the darkness. The street is flanked by an endless row of lightless dwellings, shadows of the bright living buildings they were in the sun's wake. Goodness, it's cold tonight. The crisp air bites my skin with the sharp smell of winter pricking my senses. Strangeno wanton clouds taint the night sky, yet no moon hangs, like yin in yang, amidst the vast black chasm.
My footsteps echo in silence, and my breath sighs out in a smoky blur. My, I should have dressed more appropriately. What was I thinking? Tight shorts and bare feet in this weather! And a sleeveless top, cut at the waist, at that! But, oh...who is that there? A man i
GrimmUlqui: DollsThe sky is blue, so blue, a delusional, fantastical color that I've only ever seen in broken glass and festering wounds. Around me, life flourishes and blooms profusely at my feet, a sign that I do not belong. Sunlight filters through the trees and emerald streaks the ground like whiplash fragments of a sky turned upside-down. This is so far away. Is this a meadow? A forest? I don't even know. This is no black and white world. The air is thick with sweet scents, too many for me to distinguish, although I sense that there is life here, obnoxiously beautiful life surrounding me and making me feel secluded, lonely; again, not belonging.GrimmUlqui: Dolls5 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
Where am I? How did I find this place? I don't even know why I am here. I just smelled flowers, and followed myself...
And then I found him, alone, holding a daisy in his hands.
He lifted his head to scent the air. "Grimmjow? You followed me." His voice was still lifeless, but it seemed soft as well, almost a whisper, as if he did not want someone to hear.
Envy Character Analysis PART 3Envy Character Study Part 3Envy Character Analysis PART 33 years ago in Introductions & Chapters More Like This
We meet our adorable sexually-ambiguous homunculus in volume 8, in which it doesn't do all that much. However, there are still goodies of character study to be found here!
So, we finally happen upon Envy with his other homunculi siblings Lust and Gluttony as they observe the newly-captured Greed suspended and crucified on a cross-like rock slab (or iron pole in the anime or giant slab as in the religiously-sensitive Viz edition of the series).
Greed and Envy, as we veterans of the first series will already know, have never been bosom buddies. For how similar they are in their vices, they are also radically different, and difference, as the FMA series shows us, naturally causes conflict.
Greed and Envy, as individual sins, both reflect the desire to gain something of value, and in pursuit of this negatively affect others.
This is, however, where the similarities end. Greed focuses nigh-entirely on material goods, such as money, property etc. Envy on the oth
ActionsIzaya clamped his eyes shut in pain as he was repeatedly slammed against the cold, hard alley wall behind him. The scent of blood filled his nostrils, presumably his own blood, and he dug in his pockets in search of his beloved flick blade. His oppressor, none other than Shizu-chan himself, noticed his movements and slapped the blade away before Izaya had the chance to cut him.Actions5 years ago in Fan Fiction More Like This
His blade clattering to the ground, Izaya's eyes flicker with fear as his only means of defense lay yards away from him but tries his best to maintain his cocky attitude. "Is that all you g-got, Shizu-chan?" The hold on his already ruined shirt tightened.
He was slammed against the wall again and he swore he heard his head crack. "You think this is funny, huh flea?" Shizuo snarled and Izaya could smell the nicotine on his breath and almost puked. "This is where you finally die."
His mind was rushing for ideas, anything that could get him out of this farce. Words never worked on Shizuo, he'd always ignore every w
The Transfer Student (Rivaille X Reader) Part 3Fixing your [h/c] hair so that it's out of your face, you walk into the class and were somewhat happy since it was the first time being on time to any of Smith's classes.The Transfer Student (Rivaille X Reader) Part 32 years ago in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
"Ah, you're finally on time to my class! Haha" Your teacher intended to make a joke. "How are you feeling now?" he asked. "I'm doing a little better than earlier, thanks." You reply heading to the seat by the window. As soon as everyone was seated and class started, it finally felt like a normal day of school.
It was a relief when your first day of school was finally over. "Now I can finally go home and do my homework" you sighed, but as you were about to walk out of the school gates, you just remembered you still had business to do.
"Crap..I forgot I had to meet up with him in the student council's office." You mumble underneath your breath as you make way to the buildings. Luckily, during lunchtime, you remembered to ask somebody for directions to where the office was so now you don't
Too Poor To Pay Attention 3(Irvin x Reader)"Oi. (Name)."Too Poor To Pay Attention 3(Irvin x Reader)2 years ago in Romance More Like This
I was being shaken. I slowly lifted my head up, realizing I had fallen asleep right after I ate my "dinner", if you could call it that. My empty plate remained clumsily on the wooden table, and my empty mug was knocked over. I turned my head slightly to see Corporal Levi drinking something from his mug.
"Wake up you lazy ass," Levi said bluntly.
I realized I had to go to an orientation for new recruits. "What time is it?"
"Five minutes before your duty. Get your ass off of that seat before Irvin scolds you in front of all those newbies."
With that said, I was fully awake with panic in my gut. I hurriedly got up, tripping in the process. I looked at what I was wearing, and luckily, I still had my 3-D maneuver gear on. I ran through the stone hallway and opened the wooden door. A gush of fresh air blew across my face. The afternoon sun was bright and blinded me. I squinted as I observed my surroundings. About 20 unfamiliar soldiers were standing on the stone pavem
Envy Character Analysis PART 2Part 2 of Envy Character AnalysisEnvy Character Analysis PART 24 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
God, so sorry I took this long to update, guys. Here we go, part 2 of Envy's Character Analysis, focusing on Envy's next appearance in the manga (volume 4), when he arrives with Lust in Laboratory Five to dispose of the Slicer Brothers and subdue Edward. In this appearance, we get to see the instability of Envy's mental state, and the various tactics he uses to hide this (as well as the insecurities that cause it his nigh-insanity).
NOTE: I will be referring to Envy as 'IT', as he has no gender in the manga or second anime.
So, here goes...
Now, as those of you who have read the manga and/or watched the second anime will know, in this volume Envy turns up at Laboratory Number Five with Lust, and appears/talks very light-heartedly, as if the whole thing was of little to no consequence and was a walk in the park to it, if you get my drift. It's all smiles, and the younger Slicer brother is yelling desperately that they can still fight, if only the
Envy's revised Jingle BellsJingle bells, Edward smells,Envy's revised Jingle Bells10 years ago in Songs & Lyrics More Like This
Hawkeye laid an egg,
Gluttony eat the tree,
And let's all kill Mustang!
I sent the shrimp a bomb,
And soon he will be toast,
I will go to watch,
Laughing all the way! (Fill in evil laughter)
Lust stole Hawkeye's dog,
And gave it to young Wrath,
I got a new knife that I'll kill Alphonse with!
Jingle bells, Edward smells,
Hawkeye laid an egg,
Gluttony eat the tree,
And let's all kill Mustang!
Fifty Sentences (GrimmUlqui)#01 Comfort Even Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez has nightmares, what people don't know is he lets go of his pride and takes comfort in Ulquiorra after he wakes up.Fifty Sentences (GrimmUlqui)3 years ago in Romance More Like This
#02 Kiss They were supposed to hate each other, or at least that was what Ulquiorra had thought until Grimmjow strode forward angrily, his face flaming red, pushed him up against the wall and passionately kissed him.
#03 Soft Sometimes Grimmjow had to wonder how the hell Ulquiorra kept his hair so damn soft and smooth, seriously what a girl!
#04 Pain They had hated and would have gladly killed each other, so what surprised Grimmjow the most was the ache in his heart when he felt Ulquiorra's reaitsu vanish from the top of the dome.
#05 Potatoes Ulquiorra always got so irritated when Grimmjow called potatoes potatoes, it was potato for goodness sake...
#06 Rain Ulquiorra had never liked the rain very much and never thought any good could come from it un
A special giftFour months had passed since Azula had been in the institution and the doctors hadn't removed the chains that tied her wrists and hadn't let her leave her room. The place was spacious and white, but the bars that divided it by half made her believe that she was in a prison cell.A special gift5 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
During the first month, the only thing the former princess did was shout and breath fire to anyone who dared to enter her room, either to examine her or to leave a tray of food for her near the bars. But now Azula was tired, she just wanted to be left alone while her spirit faded into the darkness.
Zuko and Mai had visited her together once per week during the first two months, but they stopped. His uncle went twice, but after seeing that her niece did not seem to think things over, he had stopped visiting. One by one everyone in Azula's life gave up on her and decided to make of her just a bad memory of the past.
Everyone except Ty Lee.
The acrobat visited the former princess three times per week and she alway
Dear Bleach Fanfiction Authors Ch 4Humorous drabble series.Dear Bleach Fanfiction Authors Ch 42 years ago in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
Chapter 4 – Sousuke Aizen.
Dear Bleach Fanfiction Authors,
I am not a rapist. I am in prison for treason and murder, not rape. My obsession is with power, not sex.
I manipulated Momo Hinamori into becoming infatuated with me simply because it was prudent to have a second-in-command who would not get suspicious when secret paperwork about illegal experiments with hollows fell out of my pocket or when the architectural diagrams of Las Noches were accidentally left out on my desk.
Orihime Inoue was my kidnapping victim, not my sex toy. See the paragraph above. Simply because she was the first female I was close to that I did not try to slaughter does not mean that I wanted to marry her and make her my Queen. I am immortal and have no desire for heirs.
I would never kidnap random high school girls named Brianna or Megan and force them to have sex with me. Ordinary humans hold no interest for me.
I touched Ichigo's heart during our battle to unnerve and
Naruto: The other Hinata Ch1.Naruto: The other Hinata Ch1.6 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
The other Hinata Ch1.
Lemons: A lot of them.
It was another sunny day and Hinata finally got the courage to tell Naruto about her feelings. After so many years. (They are 16 years old now.)She run out of her room. About a hour she was running around Konoha searching Naruto, but she couldn't find him. When Hianata was already giving up Naruto showed in front of her from nowhere.
-Oh.. Naruto.- Hinata was trying to start a conversation. Hey Hinata!- screamed Naruto. I have to tell you something important Naruto.- Hinata blushed and was trying not to faint. Oh.. What is it? But please faster. I need to find Sakura.- Hinata felt angry.* That pink haired girl again. And all that Sakura is doing to Naruto just hurting him.* Hinata thought for a second and then returned to conversation. It's just that .. Mm.. I-I love you Naruto. Since the first time I saw you.- Hinata blushed more and was waiting. Mm Hinata, it's just so sudden and you already
The Only Thing- FMA GreedxEnvy"What do you want, Greed?"The Only Thing- FMA GreedxEnvy9 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
Envy glared at the shadowed form beside him, the form he wasn't supposed to have seen in a little under a century. Greed stepped out, a wide shark-toothed grin on his face.
"Just to mock your ugly face."
Envy's fists clenched and his teeth were bared. How dare that son of a bitch...
"Can't say you're a beauty queen yourself, ass-hole."
Greed only grinned wider and chuckled, taking his sunglasses off smoothly. Trademark violet eyes stared teasingly at the older Homunculus who was just waiting to be set off by a comment.
"Nah. I'm just damn sexy."
Envy growled loudly, fighting back all his desire to launch from his spot and smash Greed's face in mainly because he knew he'd end up breaking his hand.
"Whatever. So what do you really want? You know I'll get punished if I'm caught here with the likes of you and not immediately bringing you down and in."
Greed frowned a bit.
"But that's the point of running away. You have a risky friend who'll keep you
The OfferingDark Bleach fanfic.The Offering5 years ago in Introductions & Chapters More Like This
What sacrifice must Gin make to earn Aizen's trust? Takes place just after the TBTP arc. Posted at http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6458748
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.
There was only one piece of furniture in the darkened room, a large desk illuminated only by a reading lamp. The boy's breath caught as he was dragged inside and dumped unceremoniously in front of the desk. The man behind the desk was reading, paying no attention to the trussed-up youth lying on the bare wooden floor in front of him. His tousled brown hair fell over square glasses that glinted in the light. The boy swallowed as his captors left the room in silence, leaving him alone with the man.
The man continued reading silently for several minutes before he closed the book and looked up with a slight smile. The silver-haired boy shivered at the sight of the smile.
"Gin. You were caught spying on one of my operations. What I'd like to know first is why." The man's voice was soft and deceptively gent
One Word [Half-Blind!Mike x Reader] [SnK] Author's Note: Hey Anxnymous here! This is another commission, for :iconbear-boo: , a Mike x Reader for 25 points. This has no particular AU, but it isn't set in the SnK universe. I hope you like it, please comment before you fave, and watch me for more!One Word [Half-Blind!Mike x Reader] [SnK]1 year ago in General Fiction More Like This
That’s what the streets were.
From the slime that covered the cracked concrete to the sick left on the grating over the drains. Crates, boxes, rubbish, people, left to rot in the dark alleyways that held the broken pieces society had decided to eject and abandon.
No-one knew as they walked past on their way to the market, that the dirty rags that
ChoresThe people moved away as the two continued their usual antics.Chores5 years ago in Fan Fiction More Like This
Shizuo threw everything that reached his grasp at the thin young man and growled several swears when none of them even brushed against him.
Izaya, graceful like a cat, dodged every single item with ease, throwing a few snarky comments at the blond and watched with amused eyes as said blond uprooted a tree from the ground. "Tsk tsk, Shizu-chan." The informer said in a chiding tone. "Think of the environment!"
Shizuo clicked his tongue before swinging the tree like a baseball bat in hopes of hitting his target., "T'hell with you, flea! As if you actually cared about the environment!" He threw the tree, again missing his target and he let out an aggravated sigh.
The informer broker smiled and laughed mirthfully. "Shizu-chan's aim is getting bad!~" he said between breaths. "Back in high school, you used to hit me with so much accuracy! You're getting old!!!" He stuck his tongue out and slightly pulled down the skin below
EnglandxMale!Merman!Reader Part 4The next day I planned to repeat the previous day's routine, but received an unwelcome surprise when my cousins wanted to accompany me to the beach. This would have bothered me on a regular day, but now it was twice as annoying because _______ wouldn't approach if I was near my cousins. What's more, Alfred enjoys rough play and is always sneaking up on me and dunking me under water. Francis isn't any better; he swims around under water, sneaking up on girls and tugging on their swimsuits. Not only does it infuriate everyone, but it reflects badly on us as his family. He's gotten us banned from beaches before, but if he gets me banned from this beach I'll feed him to the sharks!EnglandxMale!Merman!Reader Part 41 year ago in Romance More Like This
But here we were, setting up on the sand for a day of sun and 'fun'. My goal was to get as far away from them as possible. At least then I'd have a prayer of seeing _______. I was the first one in the water and immediately swam as far and as fast as I could, hoping they would loose me.
When I stopped and looked