Please....Remind Me...Falling through their split-laced curtain,
Their venom-gilded web,
I extend my hand towards their bitter cackling,
Trying to hold on to my existence .
They are my blood,
They are my family,
But every glance is two-faceted,
And every remark is double its original worth.
They will never accept me,
They will never understand,
And the metallic sharpness,
Creates acid from their lips,
And the stinging denial,
Gives birth to underlying hatred.
I dance between both worlds known to me,
But I'd prefer to be in only one.
I lie through my teeth daily,
I put on a show and pretend,
And I constantly remind myself I am stronger,
I will survive their sickening trials .
If I know that I am stronger,
That I can do this until I am free,
Then why do I find myself holding myself together at night,
Crying in the corner of a chilled shower tile,
Wondering why I never feel like I have a future,
Where they will accept me for what I am doing and have been doing
I'm Unsure...I pound my hands against my knees,I'm Unsure...3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Curled up on my sinking bed,
Pillows crammed behind my back,
And the crystal screen glaring before me
A mirror within a mirror,
Onyx lettering returned and sent,
How can I explain how I am,
If even I'm not sure?
I've gone so long feeling dependent on words,
Memories and hopeless, countless dreams,
The pain is nearly healed,
And I don't know how I feel
Am I stunned because someone cares,
Shocked that I found a "cure"?
Speechless because I can't believe,
I'm freed from myself, it's over?
Even my lustful heart's not sure
And even now as I bitterly stare,
At the squared writings and caring concerns of another,
I am not sure of myself
How am I do say how I am,
If even I'm not sure?
The Letter My Parents Will Never ReadThe words just slip through my teeth, now,The Letter My Parents Will Never Read3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
They dance out of my throat and coat my tongue,
"I don't like that anymore"
"I'm still the same person"
"I'm not mad at you"
I've gotten so good at lying, now,
I sometimes can't tell when even I'm telling the truth.
"Sure, everything's good"
"See? I'm smiling"
"I haven't had my first kiss"
You know what?
I'm not fine.
I have to hide my heart from my own parents because they don't understand.
I have to pretend that I'm mad at him and have "repented from my ways".
But in reality, I wait to read his words online,
I see his pictures,
I've kept the notes we wrote to each other in secret,
I'm in pain.
I'm hurt and full of longing to see him again,
Because you wouldn't let me be with him for the most idiotic reason,
Part of me hates you,
Part of me loves you,
Part of me is angry and spitting fire,
Part of me is hurt and bleeding.
And the more that you both pretend that ever
My Label/ Hi, My Name Is...Sometimes I think I need to wear a label,My Label/ Hi, My Name Is...3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
That will tell you what is wrong with me
"Hi, My Name Is:
Easily loving, falls to quickly, doesn't know when to stop, tries her best but can't succeed, and only wants to hold someone's hand to feel that hand on her shoulder when she cries "
The ink would be smudged across as if written in haste, a couple letters bolded in spots as if trying to fix a mistake So many mistakes
The edges would be peeling as if to forget I ever existed all together
Sometimes, I think I need to wear a warning
So you will know ahead of time that I'm too broken to repair too lost to be found too hurt to heal and pretend to smile, often .
So that when you don't like what you read, I can just tear it away, and write another
But no matter what I try, my name is always the same .
No PDANo PDA,No PDA3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
If only they knew what it is like to love someone forbidden...
We cannot love at home...
We cannot love at school...
Where are we to hide our affections?
The shadows I suppose,
will keep our secrets faster than that of spiteful teachers' lips...
If only they knew what it's like to need someone you cannot possess...
To have an unpredictable foundation of life,
Knowing, that if caught, everything would fall...
At least where they can see,
I am fighting for something of worth,
to love both worlds known to me...
At least where they can see.
The Curse of The Flame PrincessDo you ever hear stories about that one girl with a curse?The Curse of The Flame Princess3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
How she loved with all her heart,
Gave a piece away every day,
And received so little in return?
Her curse was her heart.
Because once she finds someone she loves,
Her blood begins to burn like a dragon's tongue,
Her breath short and tight,
Her skin shivering and writhing like a snake's impatient skin.
Her heart was her curse.
Because whenever her love would hold her close,
A hug was comforting and warm,
A small kiss was hot and sweet,
And she could feel the fire rising her in her soul,
The lava that was her blood building up and threatening.
She feared nothing more,
Because she knew she would go up in flames,
And cremate the bones of her beloved.
She was oh so terribly scared,
That she would mess everything up,
And that feeling of boiling desire,
Scared her senseless because she needed to keep it a secret.
She needed to be unknown.
Not a single soul,
Could know her cursed heart.
That was her curse,
The Shower's TherapyLetting the skins drape to the floor,The Shower's Therapy3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I reveal my body to the chilled sliding glass,
Stepping away from a mottled brown door,
The sudden sound of rain across tile soothes my ears.
Each step across the icy floor, over into the light blue haven,
A breath, a gasp, the warmth of each droplet slicing my skin, my blood spreading,
My hair loops down across my shoulders,
Like silken chords of brunette hues shining,
I watch as the water slides down the ropes, and dances off into the air before thinning below,
Slowly, I'm shaking,
My breath too shallow, backing up, clearing my eyes,
I lay against the stones and let the rain envelop me.
I forget everything and listen to it rush past my ears.
I watch as it decorates my pale skin with peach dew drops,
And I envy...
I close my eyes and let this constant pounding of the shower beat down on my back,
My nerves begin to dull and I feel rocked to sleep,
tucked in by the coolness of the tiles below my legs...
When I try to stand again, in fear of sitting
Here, In My HandsH e r eHere, In My Hands3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
In my hands
Barely holding on to my flushed fingertips,
Is a dream.
Just an ordinary day dream,
One held precious and known only to me
But within this fantasy, is a hidden promise
A promise and a question,
H e r e
I cup my hands and let the starlight ruffle it's feathers,
Like a bird of thread, with eyes of gold
Do you understand how fragile it is?
If you unravel it enough, you will find what's left of my heart,
Since I broke it in two for you.
H e r e
Underneath this twilight canvas,
I hold my hands up to you and watch your eyes change,
Don't you understand
Don't you even have an idea
Of what this delicate wisp of a daydream,
Uncertainty and DoubtDoes anyone else stand at the edge of the stair and look down,Uncertainty and Doubt3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
wondering what it would feel like to never know how far the next step is?
As if you could walk blindly, and fall, sink, down into an un-foretold reality,
Lose yourself in chaos, the bitter chilled unknown
I stand here now on the edge of porcelain stairs,
Peeking downward through my ebony lashes,
I feel a grip in my spirit,
A sickening wave of dizziness rolls over me,
Knocking me back, nudging doubt deeper into my skin like a poisonous shard.
"Do I step forward? Or do I wait in this haunting pain "
Biting my lip, wringing my hands, my blood dancing loudly,
I realize my future can only improve from my past,
I have to take these chances,
And play my best bet.
Gripping the glassy banister,
I steal a severed breath,
Did He Just Say....The words drifted in the air,Did He Just Say....3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Like silver sugar lacing my smile,
I feel the skin around my eyes and neck warm and tint with red,
I cast down my eyes and smile,
There they are,
His fingers in my hair again,
Tapping and playing,
But all I can hear are those words
Dancing through my head like perfect hallucinations,
But he said them .he did
."We could be" ..
To Kiss A GhostSlowly the drug pulls down my veins,To Kiss A Ghost3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Pulling my hand in purpled waters,
Dragging me down into a misty realm,
Of lavender smoke
Landing in a chilled crystal lake,
The ripples lapping against my legs,
I lift my eyes and see someone
A shadow of... someone
He reaches out a hand to me and touches my neck,
With the other, pulls me closer
It was like kissing a ghost,
He was there, and then... he wasn't
I never met his true self,
But I knew him then, and only then
My hair ruffled through his fingers,
Rough and red,
His skin was cool and fading,
I never knew what it was
To love a ghost
I Won't Exist...I sit here on a sunken bed,I Won't Exist...3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Surrounded by bright, meaningless colors,
The room itself numbed by patterns and details,
So many treasures,
So many "important" awards, trophies,
So many perfectly stacked books,
So many perfectly arranged pictures of a perfectly posing girl,
All of it means nothing, NOTHING!!!
And yet everything
Every little freaking thing in this little freaking room,
Is a part, a piece, a puzzle,
Of my existence All of this is me as I exist in their eyes .
Sometimes I just want to sweep my arm across the dresser,
Throw everything to the floor,
Watch the cheap perfume bottles shatter, sending hazy fumes into the air.
Sometimes, I just want to stab a knife through the paintings,
ripping straight down and leave the canvas flying.
Breaking all the sculptures, decided I won't exist anymore.
Sometimes, I just really want to break these windows I sleep by,
And slip my pale legs through the shattered glass.
I want to hold the match and let it lick my finger,
True Love: A Painted Myth?Forgive me if I intrude,True Love: A Painted Myth?3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
If I'm a little bold,
I've always been a little odd,
From all that I've been told
But something about the way you smile,
Something about the way you trust,
Good Lord, send me a soul to love,
And forget this useless lust
So many tiring hours spent,
Looking for his name
Trying to find a hint,
If he's still the same
I could have been the secret girl,
Chosen at a whim,
I threw my heart at his chest,
But still, I did choose him
I don't know what is real anymore,
My mind does war against me,
Somehow I must get the patience,
To tame the visions that taint me.
So please forgive me if I'm odd,
My heart is just too hopeless to worry with,
But also because I am scared,
That true love is just a painted myth.
Close My Eyes, Yet There It IsThere's something there that nudges my heart ,Close My Eyes, Yet There It Is3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
It pulls my lips into a smile that I can't control.
There's something there that draws the laughter from my chest,
And centers my attention in a way I haven't felt in a while .
I pull away and shake my head.
Press it against the chilled stone wall.
Close my eyes and remember.
Close my eyes and remember
The pain from before,
The scars left behind,
The reason for the need to escape .
I can't do this not again .
It would probably be best if I locked up my heart,
Muzzled it and tied it up,
Restrained and hidden from the breaking star-light.
Close my eyes and remember
.There there it is again .
Close my eyes and .
There it is, coaxing and gentle
Close my ..
There it is again, reminding me, whispering to me...
What am I to do?
I close my eyes, turn away, remind mys
The Bitter Nightmare/Too Heavy A BurdenRusted daggers flung from their tongues,The Bitter Nightmare/Too Heavy A Burden3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Deep, infected scars reopened,
Tear away the skin above my breast,
And witness my heart's weak thrum.
You, you have made it so,
You poisoned it with your truthful tonic,
Your tampered quotes and encrypted sneers,
Do not twine the needle deeper,
Fling your hair through the seeping blood,
Paint the canvas of my years,
Falling from the chasm's edge,
Releasing my mind from the bitter nightmare,
I watch the sun comb its way through the trees,
And struggle to stand against the bars of home,
My hands and feet chained, a dusty cloth between my teeth,
I wait for the warden's glance,
That moment of fated chance,
Do not tempt me, mad suitor,
I am too heavy a burden for any soul.
CanvasThe staining ink of your darkest Sharpie,Canvas3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
The bitter scent both relaxing and startling
The gentle tug of felted tips and pen on skin
Just rest my head down,
Let the shivers take me,
I wish you could experience something similar,
But I wouldn't know how to explain,
How wonderful it feels,
When I become your canvas.
Closing my eyes,
I listen to your steady breaths,
Your soft but precise movements on my skin,
My arm stretched across the cool wood,
My knuckles lightly touching your chest
I think, if I lay still enough,
I can feel your heartbeat through my skin
When you set that ink upon my skin,
I forget about everything bothering me,
Everything hurting me
And let the shivers consume me,
When I become your canvas.
My Morning BattleI look in the mirror,My Morning Battle3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Apply that last bit of eye make-up
Twist the brush,
Swoop the glittery powder
Standing back and smiling,
My reflection retorts .distorts
I hear a hiss in my ear,
"Look at you, you love every person who talks to you... so pathetic so naiive so trusting ..such a fool."
I close my eyes tightly, I grip the edge of the counter, my knuckles white.
"Look at you, you don't know when to stop do you?.....so eager so loving so innocent such a fool."
I bite my lip and refuse to look at her,
This hissing demoness who resides behind my eyes my dark brown eyes .
"Look at me!" she exclaims, "I will protect you, foolish girl,"
She fans around me like a cloth of smoke,
"I will protect your foolish heart, and never let anyone touch it again .you bruis
I'm Not Pretty, I'm MeSometimes when I walk by a crowd,I'm Not Pretty, I'm Me3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
A random person,
I get this vibe .
And when I look out of the corner of my eye,
I see them looking at me.
The guys give me this look,
And I don't understand.
Is there something wrong with my outfit?
Is there bird crap on my jacket,
Or a stain on my jeans?
Why are you looking at me?
It startles me every time
I'm nothing special to look at,
So please don't give me that look .
My sister says, "You're pretty " when I brush my hair in the mirror
But, really, I always think they're criticizing me...
Judging my ever move...
I look at my reflection and what do I see?
I see blotchy skin and a too pointy nose
Thin lips and puffy cheeks
Thin, dry hair with different colorings left behind .
What is there to be pretty?
What is pretty?
What do they see?
They don't even know me
I just don't see what they see....
Harsh Conversations With Myself"You're doing it again "Harsh Conversations With Myself3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
The annoying voice whispers,
Dry and rough like burnt tree bark
I'm not, not this time. I know, right?
"You're doing it again "
It tickles my ear as I laugh another tear,
Hovering like an invisible wasp intent to sting
I'm not, not ready to. I know, right?
"You're doing it again "
It trickles down my neck, making me shiver,
Excited but frightened, cautious by right
I'm not, not going to. I know, right?
"Don't do it again wary loved girl,
Don't lose yourself to that thrum.
Don't think that you are strong enough,
Because you dance to a louder drum."
I'm not, not really...right?
"Don't think that you can change your fate,
Don't think that you are chosen,
Because you fall harder and faster than others,
It's truly your heart that is poison."
I'm not .am I?
"Don't think that anyone
Drifting MemoriesPulling covers over chilled shoulders,Drifting Memories3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Closing my eyes to the setting sun,
I feel my lips pinch in a small smile,
As I remember everything about you that makes my days special.
Every moment spent, every text sent,
I smile, knowing that you are mine,
And I sleep into dreams of holding your hand,
And kisses in courtyards,
Darkened rooms and bleachers,
Special memories take my hand,
And guide my heart to the reasons why I need you.
As long as I can dance the dance of both worlds,
Tread that fine line and remember my lies,
You'll be mine, and I'll be yours.
Memories Between the BooksOpen the doors,Memories Between the Books3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
The soft click of the metal lever,
The once soothing silence of the room is now suffocating.
Each step towards the shelves,
I hear only my quickened heartbeat,
And my shallow breath.
Dragging my fingers along the worn wooden shelving,
Letting my skin dance with every glimpse of his face,
I can't see what's in front of me,
I'm looking into the past
When we sat there, and there, and in-between here with our favorite words
And so much more
I never thought it would be this hard,
Each and every step,
The slow, prolonged placement of my shoes on carpeted memories,
Like a movie scene,
Flashing before my eyes.
No, my friend, I'm not grumpy,
I'm trying to be fine
Please do not worry for me
I will learn how eventually
Burnt PopcornI cremated a bag of popcorn in my microwave...Burnt Popcorn3 years ago in Emotional More Like This
and it's honestly not that bad...
but each individual piece tastes like a memory forgotten,
smokey and warm, like campfires in autumn...
if I close my eyes while the soft skin of the piece melts on my tongue,
I can imagine the crinkle of fire and the sparks of fallen ashes...
the miraculous image of twirling smoke against Orion's Belt...
And the harsh, reawakening sounds of pulling the individual black pieces of wood back into the center, raking the powdery ashes into a circle, and realigning every smokey brick...
And even though we never shared a campfire before, I really would like to...
to be able feel it burn my lips when we sit too close, and to have your arm around my waist as you lean into my hair....To hear you sigh as the night lingers on, in the beauty of firey autumn winds....
All this, from a cremated bag of popcorn smoking up my kitchen...
AlcoholOne seed and the tree will take it's old, twisted gray roots and bury them into the cold brown dirt of your soul.Alcohol3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
One step too far and the tide will pull you into the pacific. The ice will swallow you whole.
One slip of a foot on mucky dirt and you will fall a thousand feet to your death.
One sip of the frothy demon, and forever there will be sin on your breath.
The Sun's Lover/ I Kissed The SkyI kissed the sky today,The Sun's Lover/ I Kissed The Sky3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
And whispered my soft plea,
The Sun reached down and tucked a stray curl behind my ear,
And winked at me as it rose between the leaves.
I kissed the dawn today,
And begged an answer,
But the Sun was too tired and only yawned the sunrise,
Leaving me clouds dusted with warm hues and laughter.
I kissed the dusk today,
And questioned my true desire,
But the Sun was too busy and advised the sunset-wind as a suitor,
But it left a smokey taste on my lips, and no warmth in my heart.
I kissed the sky today,
And sighed as I'm left alone,
Sitting here under his shining smile, his wondrous care,
I wonder if the Sun knows what it's like to love him, even though he is not mine
Your Feline Shadow...Go ahead and tell me,Your Feline Shadow...3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Your darkest deepest fear,
Whisper it, type it slow,
And never let them hear
Because you know how much I care,
You know what I really mean,
And because I care so deeply,
You're secret's safe with me.
Go ahead and tell me,
Who you really love,
Whisper it, and type it slow,
And never let them know
Because you know that I still care,
So I'll never tell you no,
I'll support your whims on hand,
And never to let go.
So go ahead and tie the string,
Draw the face of my true soul,
Tickle, laugh, and trick me, boy,
But you have to know,
That these games make it difficult,
They make it oh so hard
I care for you,
And yet you're not sure..... who you care for
And I can't let go
I'll be here,
Waiting, smiling, laughing, and playing as always seen.
I'll be here,
Hoping, trusting, caring, and saying what I mean
And you'll be there,
Swaying to and fro,
Never knowing who to love
I'm your feline shadow, boy,