Please....Remind Me...Falling through their split-laced curtain,
Their venom-gilded web,
I extend my hand towards their bitter cackling,
Trying to hold on to my existence .
They are my blood,
They are my family,
But every glance is two-faceted,
And every remark is double its original worth.
They will never accept me,
They will never understand,
And the metallic sharpness,
Creates acid from their lips,
And the stinging denial,
Gives birth to underlying hatred.
I dance between both worlds known to me,
But I'd prefer to be in only one.
I lie through my teeth daily,
I put on a show and pretend,
And I constantly remind myself I am stronger,
I will survive their sickening trials .
If I know that I am stronger,
That I can do this until I am free,
Then why do I find myself holding myself together at night,
Crying in the corner of a chilled shower tile,
Wondering why I never feel like I have a future,
Where they will accept me for what I am doing and have been doing
I'm Unsure...I pound my hands against my knees,I'm Unsure...3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Curled up on my sinking bed,
Pillows crammed behind my back,
And the crystal screen glaring before me
A mirror within a mirror,
Onyx lettering returned and sent,
How can I explain how I am,
If even I'm not sure?
I've gone so long feeling dependent on words,
Memories and hopeless, countless dreams,
The pain is nearly healed,
And I don't know how I feel
Am I stunned because someone cares,
Shocked that I found a "cure"?
Speechless because I can't believe,
I'm freed from myself, it's over?
Even my lustful heart's not sure
And even now as I bitterly stare,
At the squared writings and caring concerns of another,
I am not sure of myself
How am I do say how I am,
If even I'm not sure?
The Letter My Parents Will Never ReadThe words just slip through my teeth, now,The Letter My Parents Will Never Read3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
They dance out of my throat and coat my tongue,
"I don't like that anymore"
"I'm still the same person"
"I'm not mad at you"
I've gotten so good at lying, now,
I sometimes can't tell when even I'm telling the truth.
"Sure, everything's good"
"See? I'm smiling"
"I haven't had my first kiss"
You know what?
I'm not fine.
I have to hide my heart from my own parents because they don't understand.
I have to pretend that I'm mad at him and have "repented from my ways".
But in reality, I wait to read his words online,
I see his pictures,
I've kept the notes we wrote to each other in secret,
I'm in pain.
I'm hurt and full of longing to see him again,
Because you wouldn't let me be with him for the most idiotic reason,
Part of me hates you,
Part of me loves you,
Part of me is angry and spitting fire,
Part of me is hurt and bleeding.
And the more that you both pretend that ever
Burnt PopcornI cremated a bag of popcorn in my microwave...Burnt Popcorn3 years ago in Emotional More Like This
and it's honestly not that bad...
but each individual piece tastes like a memory forgotten,
smokey and warm, like campfires in autumn...
if I close my eyes while the soft skin of the piece melts on my tongue,
I can imagine the crinkle of fire and the sparks of fallen ashes...
the miraculous image of twirling smoke against Orion's Belt...
And the harsh, reawakening sounds of pulling the individual black pieces of wood back into the center, raking the powdery ashes into a circle, and realigning every smokey brick...
And even though we never shared a campfire before, I really would like to...
to be able feel it burn my lips when we sit too close, and to have your arm around my waist as you lean into my hair....To hear you sigh as the night lingers on, in the beauty of firey autumn winds....
All this, from a cremated bag of popcorn smoking up my kitchen...
Here, In My HandsH e r eHere, In My Hands3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
In my hands
Barely holding on to my flushed fingertips,
Is a dream.
Just an ordinary day dream,
One held precious and known only to me
But within this fantasy, is a hidden promise
A promise and a question,
H e r e
I cup my hands and let the starlight ruffle it's feathers,
Like a bird of thread, with eyes of gold
Do you understand how fragile it is?
If you unravel it enough, you will find what's left of my heart,
Since I broke it in two for you.
H e r e
Underneath this twilight canvas,
I hold my hands up to you and watch your eyes change,
Don't you understand
Don't you even have an idea
Of what this delicate wisp of a daydream,
Did He Just Say....The words drifted in the air,Did He Just Say....3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Like silver sugar lacing my smile,
I feel the skin around my eyes and neck warm and tint with red,
I cast down my eyes and smile,
There they are,
His fingers in my hair again,
Tapping and playing,
But all I can hear are those words
Dancing through my head like perfect hallucinations,
But he said them .he did
."We could be" ..
To Kiss A GhostSlowly the drug pulls down my veins,To Kiss A Ghost3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Pulling my hand in purpled waters,
Dragging me down into a misty realm,
Of lavender smoke
Landing in a chilled crystal lake,
The ripples lapping against my legs,
I lift my eyes and see someone
A shadow of... someone
He reaches out a hand to me and touches my neck,
With the other, pulls me closer
It was like kissing a ghost,
He was there, and then... he wasn't
I never met his true self,
But I knew him then, and only then
My hair ruffled through his fingers,
Rough and red,
His skin was cool and fading,
I never knew what it was
To love a ghost
Your Feline Shadow...Go ahead and tell me,Your Feline Shadow...3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Your darkest deepest fear,
Whisper it, type it slow,
And never let them hear
Because you know how much I care,
You know what I really mean,
And because I care so deeply,
You're secret's safe with me.
Go ahead and tell me,
Who you really love,
Whisper it, and type it slow,
And never let them know
Because you know that I still care,
So I'll never tell you no,
I'll support your whims on hand,
And never to let go.
So go ahead and tie the string,
Draw the face of my true soul,
Tickle, laugh, and trick me, boy,
But you have to know,
That these games make it difficult,
They make it oh so hard
I care for you,
And yet you're not sure..... who you care for
And I can't let go
I'll be here,
Waiting, smiling, laughing, and playing as always seen.
I'll be here,
Hoping, trusting, caring, and saying what I mean
And you'll be there,
Swaying to and fro,
Never knowing who to love
I'm your feline shadow, boy,
My Morning BattleI look in the mirror,My Morning Battle3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Apply that last bit of eye make-up
Twist the brush,
Swoop the glittery powder
Standing back and smiling,
My reflection retorts .distorts
I hear a hiss in my ear,
"Look at you, you love every person who talks to you... so pathetic so naiive so trusting ..such a fool."
I close my eyes tightly, I grip the edge of the counter, my knuckles white.
"Look at you, you don't know when to stop do you?.....so eager so loving so innocent such a fool."
I bite my lip and refuse to look at her,
This hissing demoness who resides behind my eyes my dark brown eyes .
"Look at me!" she exclaims, "I will protect you, foolish girl,"
She fans around me like a cloth of smoke,
"I will protect your foolish heart, and never let anyone touch it again .you bruis
Drifting MemoriesPulling covers over chilled shoulders,Drifting Memories3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Closing my eyes to the setting sun,
I feel my lips pinch in a small smile,
As I remember everything about you that makes my days special.
Every moment spent, every text sent,
I smile, knowing that you are mine,
And I sleep into dreams of holding your hand,
And kisses in courtyards,
Darkened rooms and bleachers,
Special memories take my hand,
And guide my heart to the reasons why I need you.
As long as I can dance the dance of both worlds,
Tread that fine line and remember my lies,
You'll be mine, and I'll be yours.
My Label/ Hi, My Name Is...Sometimes I think I need to wear a label,My Label/ Hi, My Name Is...3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
That will tell you what is wrong with me
"Hi, My Name Is:
Easily loving, falls to quickly, doesn't know when to stop, tries her best but can't succeed, and only wants to hold someone's hand to feel that hand on her shoulder when she cries "
The ink would be smudged across as if written in haste, a couple letters bolded in spots as if trying to fix a mistake So many mistakes
The edges would be peeling as if to forget I ever existed all together
Sometimes, I think I need to wear a warning
So you will know ahead of time that I'm too broken to repair too lost to be found too hurt to heal and pretend to smile, often .
So that when you don't like what you read, I can just tear it away, and write another
But no matter what I try, my name is always the same .
Hurtful RecognitionsWhat torturous hearts we have...Hurtful Recognitions3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
where we fall in "like" .....
with those who are already in "love".........
What tempting memories pass under my eyes...
knowing the truth of reality...
but refusing to recognize it....
What a troublesome world we live in....
when you give and give and never receive what your heart....
A Therian Curse or BlessingWhen I'm near you,A Therian Curse or Blessing3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
And close my eyes,
I can feel my claws,
My phantom tail weighing on my spine,
The twitching ears perked,
The flattened ridge above a small nose,
I can imagine everything,
And it feels so weird and amazing and startling and perfect in the same second.
She may have called me a freak, but what I am is more than that.
I am not human, she cannot call me that much for my spirit.
I am feline trapped in a human masquerade,
My slitted irises burning under frosted glass,
And as I close my eyes,
And let you trace my jaw line,
Let you pull back my hair and chuckle,
I'm stuck between two worlds…
One is telling me it is better to shrug off this human skin and be my true self.
The other is telling me that I was meant to be yours in this way,
that I am stuck between two worlds to befriend you…to be here for you and you for me….
For if I was truly feline, I would not be able to speak to you.
I would not be able to laugh at your jokes,
Or play with you the way
The Sun's Lover/ I Kissed The SkyI kissed the sky today,The Sun's Lover/ I Kissed The Sky3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
And whispered my soft plea,
The Sun reached down and tucked a stray curl behind my ear,
And winked at me as it rose between the leaves.
I kissed the dawn today,
And begged an answer,
But the Sun was too tired and only yawned the sunrise,
Leaving me clouds dusted with warm hues and laughter.
I kissed the dusk today,
And questioned my true desire,
But the Sun was too busy and advised the sunset-wind as a suitor,
But it left a smokey taste on my lips, and no warmth in my heart.
I kissed the sky today,
And sighed as I'm left alone,
Sitting here under his shining smile, his wondrous care,
I wonder if the Sun knows what it's like to love him, even though he is not mine
The Truthful RealmIf I were to look through a different world,The Truthful Realm3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I could see you smiling softly,
Your hand stroking something orange-furred and sleeping.
On your left is a golden-eyed tabby,
Her tail striped with three dark rings,
Her whiskers long and patience thin,
But heart, greater than the sun.
Sitting there beside you,
Is what I feel to be
In this alternate world,
Where spirits run true,
That is where I am
I look up to you,
I feel for you,
I forgive your every sway,
And I feel envious of this other realm,
Every breaking day.
Because if I were to be what I am.
I'd be with you most afternoons,
You'd come home and I'd be there waiting,
Waiting just for you.
And around my neck would be a ribbon,
Golden with my name,
And you smile as you placed your palm upon my brow,
And chuckle when I purred.
I am often envious of this other realm,
Where spirits run as they are true,
Because what my therian side is telling me,
Is that I belong with you
Haunted Fields of IndigoWhy do I find myself wandering these haunted fields,Haunted Fields of Indigo3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Following a shadow of a spirit...
Pulled by the barbed wire wrapped around my throat,
and the poison threatening my blood....
Desperate glances behind, remind me,
that I can't help the way I feel...
But why do I find my self confessing my heart's true song,
To a moon that will never hear...
Here I am, my knees bloodied and torn in the dried, tarnished straw,
I can only imagine the luscious taste of sweet moon's light...
But here I am, bound by my love, bound for all eternity,
my love for those who cannot return it to me...
I will never find my way,
out of these haunted fields of indigo.
A Wild AnimalSlowly the angel stood,A Wild Animal2 years ago in Settings More Like This
Watching his wild lover shake,
Her mind tormented by two separate souls,
One wild, one tame,
Both to fight for their own name.
Chained to bedpost,
Clawed hands bound behind,
Her hair fell across her weary face,
Her eyes burning with fire found in cats alone.
Crouching near her panting form,
He brushed her hair from her face,
A small smile twists his lip,
And his eyes trace her shivering skin.
"What do you want from me?!" She whispers hatefully,
"What are you going to do? Destroy me like the others of my blood?
"I never knew you hunted my kind!" She spat at his feet,
Her teeth glaring in the bedroom light.
The angel reached for her jaw,
Gently cupping her face,
He looked into her eyes.
"I wish to tame you.
"And to love you.
"I wish for you to see the pain you are causing yourself,
"And I wish for you to listen."
Startled and scared,
Wary and untrusting,
Her heart pounded in her veins,
The thrum of their heartbeats combined in her ears.
For one mom
No PDANo PDA,No PDA3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
If only they knew what it is like to love someone forbidden...
We cannot love at home...
We cannot love at school...
Where are we to hide our affections?
The shadows I suppose,
will keep our secrets faster than that of spiteful teachers' lips...
If only they knew what it's like to need someone you cannot possess...
To have an unpredictable foundation of life,
Knowing, that if caught, everything would fall...
At least where they can see,
I am fighting for something of worth,
to love both worlds known to me...
At least where they can see.
I, I am ForbiddenOh Lord , how I'm afraid.I, I am Forbidden3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I'm afraid that my secret will become known.
Those of my own blood chain me down and say I'm free,
They mock me before kissing me goodnight.
And for this reason, I have hidden how I think,
How I am,
From them all.
These words are typed in secrecy,
These thoughts forbidden to exist,
This heart forbidden to thrum with the blood of an open mind.
I am forbidden.
Oh Lord, how I'm afraid.
I'm afraid that I will never be free.
Because the only way I can truly be free is to break secrecy,
And that is too dangerous a border to cross...
And much too painful
No daughter should hide her heart because of her mother's scorn,
No daughter should cry names into palms and erase the evidence of her pain,
No daughter should be forbidden
And I believe the worst thing of all is that they only know half of how they've cornered me.
They don't know how they have barred my way,
And burned my blood to scar my soul .
They don't know how truly they have made it so,
I am f
I Am Your Clockwork DollLay me out on the table and open my eyes,I Am Your Clockwork Doll3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Peel back the skin and reveal my porcelain heart,
Like a clockwork doll, made in secret from the mountains,
A lock is encased in its center,
And the key was lost long ago
Given to a man of a name I've never known
You play music of the sweetest notes,
Stories of love and devoted trust
Love I don't deserve
Love I can only give away
What a truthful night it has been for this doll,
Every heart spoke its truth,
And she nearly cried from her shock
So much love and care,
From those she's never met never known
Her crystal blood flows freely now,
Warming up her ceramic skin,
Her glass lips shining,
Her bright eyes sparking,
You all have awoken me, once more.
I'm just the clockwork doll brought down from the mountains .
Basking in the unimaginable, unexpected love of your words.
The Curse of The Flame PrincessDo you ever hear stories about that one girl with a curse?The Curse of The Flame Princess3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
How she loved with all her heart,
Gave a piece away every day,
And received so little in return?
Her curse was her heart.
Because once she finds someone she loves,
Her blood begins to burn like a dragon's tongue,
Her breath short and tight,
Her skin shivering and writhing like a snake's impatient skin.
Her heart was her curse.
Because whenever her love would hold her close,
A hug was comforting and warm,
A small kiss was hot and sweet,
And she could feel the fire rising her in her soul,
The lava that was her blood building up and threatening.
She feared nothing more,
Because she knew she would go up in flames,
And cremate the bones of her beloved.
She was oh so terribly scared,
That she would mess everything up,
And that feeling of boiling desire,
Scared her senseless because she needed to keep it a secret.
She needed to be unknown.
Not a single soul,
Could know her cursed heart.
That was her curse,
The Shower's TherapyLetting the skins drape to the floor,The Shower's Therapy3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I reveal my body to the chilled sliding glass,
Stepping away from a mottled brown door,
The sudden sound of rain across tile soothes my ears.
Each step across the icy floor, over into the light blue haven,
A breath, a gasp, the warmth of each droplet slicing my skin, my blood spreading,
My hair loops down across my shoulders,
Like silken chords of brunette hues shining,
I watch as the water slides down the ropes, and dances off into the air before thinning below,
Slowly, I'm shaking,
My breath too shallow, backing up, clearing my eyes,
I lay against the stones and let the rain envelop me.
I forget everything and listen to it rush past my ears.
I watch as it decorates my pale skin with peach dew drops,
And I envy...
I close my eyes and let this constant pounding of the shower beat down on my back,
My nerves begin to dull and I feel rocked to sleep,
tucked in by the coolness of the tiles below my legs...
When I try to stand again, in fear of sitting
Uncertainty and DoubtDoes anyone else stand at the edge of the stair and look down,Uncertainty and Doubt3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
wondering what it would feel like to never know how far the next step is?
As if you could walk blindly, and fall, sink, down into an un-foretold reality,
Lose yourself in chaos, the bitter chilled unknown
I stand here now on the edge of porcelain stairs,
Peeking downward through my ebony lashes,
I feel a grip in my spirit,
A sickening wave of dizziness rolls over me,
Knocking me back, nudging doubt deeper into my skin like a poisonous shard.
"Do I step forward? Or do I wait in this haunting pain "
Biting my lip, wringing my hands, my blood dancing loudly,
I realize my future can only improve from my past,
I have to take these chances,
And play my best bet.
Gripping the glassy banister,
I steal a severed breath,
AlcoholOne seed and the tree will take it's old, twisted gray roots and bury them into the cold brown dirt of your soul.Alcohol3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
One step too far and the tide will pull you into the pacific. The ice will swallow you whole.
One slip of a foot on mucky dirt and you will fall a thousand feet to your death.
One sip of the frothy demon, and forever there will be sin on your breath.
I Won't Exist...I sit here on a sunken bed,I Won't Exist...3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Surrounded by bright, meaningless colors,
The room itself numbed by patterns and details,
So many treasures,
So many "important" awards, trophies,
So many perfectly stacked books,
So many perfectly arranged pictures of a perfectly posing girl,
All of it means nothing, NOTHING!!!
And yet everything
Every little freaking thing in this little freaking room,
Is a part, a piece, a puzzle,
Of my existence All of this is me as I exist in their eyes .
Sometimes I just want to sweep my arm across the dresser,
Throw everything to the floor,
Watch the cheap perfume bottles shatter, sending hazy fumes into the air.
Sometimes, I just want to stab a knife through the paintings,
ripping straight down and leave the canvas flying.
Breaking all the sculptures, decided I won't exist anymore.
Sometimes, I just really want to break these windows I sleep by,
And slip my pale legs through the shattered glass.
I want to hold the match and let it lick my finger,