PillsDon't only the crazies need to take pills?Pills2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
The though of going gives me chills.
On medication, how will I be?
Will I really feel like I am me?
Zombie is the way people often describe.
Of course it depends the pill they prescribe.
Let's play with my head like it's a game.
I know that things won't feel the same.
Depression is something I want somehow.
I want to be exactly as I am now.
I can't remember a time ever being without.
But my head shouldn't be filled with doubt.
I know that depression can really kill.
I've felt what it does, but somehow still...
Depression has become my abusive partner.
No matter how much it hurts, I only want her.
But I know that it causes too much pain.
And my energy all seems to drain.
So maybe medication is what I must do.
Hope is all I have to hold on to.
Thank you for your H8Thank you very much, not just for telling me how to live,Thank you for your H84 years ago in Concrete Poetry More Like This
But for showing me who with to share the love I have to give.
I appreciate the way you went and voted "yes",
It's clear to me now that you always know what's best.
Thanks for telling me the best ways to conform,
I finally realize now it was wrong to fight the norm.
Thinking for myself was vastly overrated,
You've shown me that lying to everyone is better than being hated.
Of all the feelings I once "thought" that I had,
Thanks for pointing out which were good, and which were bad.
Thanks for "fixing" me so I could start again,
You saved me from a life of that "wicked evil sin".
I thought that I was happy, but I obviously was wrong,
You told me to give it up, you told me to be strong.
You told me I was broken, You said I was just confused,
But when I think about it now, I'm just sick of being abused.
Do I tell you how to live, or who you shouldn't love?
Did I ever argue with you that there is no god above?
Dose it even matter that
DizzyDizzy, dizzy. What's wrong with me?Dizzy2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
My thoughts used to be so free.
I don't know what's clouding my mind.
Grasping for a reason to find.
Sluggish feeling. I want to stay here.
With this distance nothing seems near.
Doctor says that I'm just fine.
Tell that to this feeling of mine.
But with depression and anxiety rising,
This feeling isn't really surprising.
Gotta fix it. There must be a way.
It continues day after day.
This depressing feeling brings me down.
No way to fix it that I've found.
But I gotta try even more.
I want things back how they were before.
MonsterI once knew this girl.Monster3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Such a beautiful girl.
Once so happy and high on life.
Nothing would stand in her way.
This girl was full of care.
Always wanted people to be happy with her.
Tried not to be so mean.
Trying to be so very nice and maybe create a laugh.
But what has happened to this girl?
Well she has faded with the black from the abyss she has fallen in.
Nothing to get out,
This beautiful girl who never felt the pain,
Her soul eaten by the monster, Love.
She was never to be heard of again.
So who was this girl?
And what made her fall?
This girl was me.
And the push was from the woman she loved.
You and MeYou,You and Me3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I won't change a thing.
I've got a lot
Of work left to do.
You love me,
Just the way I am.
I can't see
What you see in me.
Just the way you are.
There's so much
That I have to change.
LonelinessI sit here and think of you.Loneliness2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Sometimes it seems that's all I do.
Loneliness is all that I feel.
It almost seems like you're not real.
To hold you close would be bliss.
To feel your warmth, your touch, your kiss.
It drives me crazy that you're not here,
And won't be for a whole year.
Being with you is all that I see,
But until then, loneliness will engulf me.
To Have and To HoldI know her.To Have and To Hold3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I know how confetti-light caresses
make her weak at the knee
and how she always tastes of champagne.
So I kiss her where she is white as lace
and rouged as the rose petals she scattered on the bed
that first time.
Vows, low as the sun, stutter from her throat
and I know she will keep them
as I take her ring finger into my mouth
and bite where her band will lie.
I know her.
I will know her, for the rest of my life.
BreatheDizzy, swirly, can't stay straight.Breathe2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
The help I seek will come too late.
Thoughts are all muddled in head.
I can't even tell what I have said.
Heart is thumping, head is aching,
labored breathing, body shaking.
Pull it together, you'll be okay.
Just gotta take it day by day.
Slow your breath and lay real still.
Those thoughts will only make you ill.
It's tough to know where to begin.
Just start simple. Breathe out, breathe in.
butane promisesi use to be such a scared little boy,butane promises4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
always running from nothing,
and screaming for everything,
and laughing and crying.
but now i am numb, sealed at the soul,
tapered at the seams, i no longer
have a pulse in rhythm or a hair in line,
i run circles around ant piles and lakes and large streams,
i want to feel alive for more than five seconds and it almost feels nice for once, but
it never satisfies what i lost, what was taken from me, what i never had.
for the last time, i am not going to count
or whisper, or scream out loud.
if i am going to die, it may as well be
silence, passion screeching against the upstairs wall,
i repeat my name over and over and over,
and maybe if i etch the letters into my skin,
maybe finding my emotions won't be as
hard as i thought it would be.
the reason i stole black pens was
to trace the lines that crack my hand
and spread the cuticles and break the cells,
creating maps of multi-continent story telling
nothings, maybe i will find a forest filled with
NO H8I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.NO H84 years ago in Emotional More Like This
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom
JealousyJealousyJealousy4 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
The desperate want; the need,
A greed that is unpleasant, as it controls my mind,
Envious; a sick desire for something I'll never have.
It's the burning intensity of ten thousand desert suns,
Loathe fills the heart with hate, and it weighs down my soul,
Until every drop of hope completely disappeared.
Darkness so vast in envelops me in shadows,
Wishing I was like the rest, so selfish,
Pure evil, as jealousy is restless.
Don't want to be here and I won't forgive,
It's a misery unending,
I'll cry for what you've taken and won't give back;
My honest smile.
A power so strong it triumphs all sense,
It now controls my actions, too controlling,
I'm searching for my smile elsewhere,
My sightlessness will not last.
What blinded me?
Gaia's tears[Gaia's tears]Gaia's tears3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
The familiar calm when the air runs cold
Happens more frequently as hurt gets old.
Time slows to a halt for the oncoming rain
Sparking deep from the core of the source of Her pain.
As the skies turn dark, filled to the brim
By countless sealed letters personally sent.
With written concerns calling relent.
Silence! Comes Her beckoning whim.
The roar of the thunder, the weakening gates.
Till they hold no more, breaking hinges and free inmates.
Falling with order rather haphazardly.
Hitting their mark with a message immediately.
'Tears from Heaven', fall far from home.
Misread origins and meanings from a grand tome.
Breathing life into seeds with cause for no guilt
Only wanting care as She quietly wilts.
The life being conscious never does it hear
Gaia's hurt cries of love and fear.
Kirsten Z. Jacob
No One Said it Would be EasyRaphael. He, she, Dean didn't know the proper pronouns, was standing just a few feet away from him, back turned. How easy it would be, for him to just walk up and stab the junkless dick in the back and be done with it, if only he had an angel blade. Just one motion and it would all be over, the war in heaven, the excuse Cas was using to stay so far away. Dean knew why he was really hiding away. Dean had kissed him, he hadn't even thought about it, just closed a few small inches, and touched Cas's lips with his own. Cas said that he couldn't and then vanished, so Dan was pretty sure that Cas wasn't into it. Neither was Dean, it was just an accident, but still, he missed the little nerd being beside him.No One Said it Would be Easy2 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
"I brought you a gift." Raphael coolly said.
Dean shifted his weight, wishing he at least had some holy oil or something. "Oh?"
"You wish to see Castiel's true form, isn't that right?" Raphael finally turned to see him look at him. Dean suddenly felt small, so very small, beneath the pow
I amI am a little girl in the fourth gradeI am3 years ago in Songs & Lyrics More Like This
My friends called me lesbian today
All because I gave my friend a kiss on the cheek
Mommy, why are the girls avoiding me?
My sister is a teenager right now
And my mother found out somehow
My sister likes both genders just fine
But now my mother wisshes she's lying
A friend decided to come out
But right now things are tough
Because her friend plays it off as a phase
I fear those words will hurt her someday
He was a boy I met the other day
Suddenly. his friends stayed away
I noticed fresh injuries every day
Until that boy never came back again
I am the little girl from before
Since then, I have grown
I am a girl in the eleventh grade
I've had to witness these things day by day
I decided to ask a teacher today
Why people treat you different when you're gay
He looked in my eyes and simply said,
"No one is supposed t be that way."
It tore my heart to hear those words
I looked him in the eyes with distaste
"So because they're gay, they're not human like
The Only Thing I KnowDean thought he would be done with the flashbacks within a few months, but still they were coming in his sleep, when he closed his eyes, when he was staring at the road for too long. He could still feel the weight of a razor in his hand and every time he had a one night stand he pictured his partner on his rack. He needed it to stop. He hadn't slept a single night all the way through since Cas pulled him out of Hell, he hadn't even gotten his usual three or four hours a night.The Only Thing I Know2 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
Sam was worried, as per always and Cas seemed to be hanging around a lot more often, but he wasn't mentioning it to them. Cas would want to remove the memories from his head and he hated it when the angel went digging around in there. Sam would only pressure him into talking about it like a seventeen year old girl. No, he was stronger than flashbacks, stronger than hell. He could, he would, get through this all on his own.
Or at least that's what he thought when he wasn't in the midst of one.
They Say...They say that I am living in sin.They Say...5 years ago in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
They say that I am an abomination.
They say that what I feel is wrong.
They say that God hates what I am.
They say a lot of things, don't they?
I tell them that I love.
I tell them that I am perfectly natural.
I tell them that they don't know what I feel.
I tell them that their God is cruel,
and that I want nothing to do with him.
They tell me that I will surely burn for my sins,
and that I should repent now to save my soul.
I ask them, what is a worse sin, loving another, or living a lie?
I ask them, if that is the price of heaven,
Why would anybody want to pay it?
They tell me that I am a horrible person.
I ask them, who is worse, the man who loves another,
or the town that kills him because of it?
The woman who lives with another all of her life,
Or the business that makes her work while her partner lies dieing?
They look at me in perplexity,
For they know not how to answer.
As I stand here smiling,
Weathering their hatred,
And showing them only kin
ThoughtsI'm so sick of not being perfectThoughts2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I'm sick of hurting people
I'm tired of doing nothing right
I'm tired of holding back
Let me scream
Let me lash out
Let me show you the other side of me
And try telling me you still know me
Everything confined inside
It builds until I almost burst
My eyes grow heavy
My fingers claw at my arms
Tear out my hair
Twitch for the blade
I hold back
But I can only hold so much
Then I do it again
I screw up
And I fall again
Self-loathing is almost a comfort
I often wonder why
Why am I this way
Why am I messed up
Answers won't be found
I'm sick of hating myself
I'm sick of hiding it too
I'm just tired of the pain
I'm tired of taking it out on myself
Let me hide in the dark
Let me face it once again
Only through self-destruction
Can I build the true me
I wish I wasn't this way
I wish I knew how to stop it
But it's there
I only hope you still accept me
I find comfort in one
Who's eyes aren't blind through my self-hatred
ContradictionsThese things seem to rule my life,Contradictions2 years ago in Concrete Poetry More Like This
Some people hate me and cause me strife,
Others think me a hero, ready to sacrifice myself.
Many think me noble, but you can decide that yourself.
Contradictions, they rule my life, "Why did she break up with you?"
A complete and utter list of contradictions, all of which I tell you,
"Does she love you?" I answer she says so, and I love her too.
A contradiction follows, "But then why did she break-up with you?"
That's the mystery, the greatest contradiction of all, to all of you,
But no, I leave out one thing, the thing that kills me inside too.
"I'm just... I'm not happy." What she said, word for word,
And I cry now, because what she said did not go unheard.
Once more, Here and Now.Once more, Here and Now.2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I go by the dying beat of my heart,
with every breath now to be my last...
the music to my life's finale,
with a withering sound.
As tears rush from my eyes,
like the joy through my veins...
Your flesh to mine,
and my lips to yours.
Farewell to you Darling,
are my only lying words to you,
as you will only be blind to me
I shall tell you of my love...
Embrace me once more,
and kiss me with forced elation,
the inspired yet sorrowed passion...
Once more, here and now...
With a withering sound,
and my lips to yours
and I shall tell you of my love...
Once more, here and now...
I go by the dying beat of my heart...
As tears rush from my eyes...
Farewell to you my darling,
Embrace me once more.
I'm So Far Away From HopeI'm So Far Away From Hope2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I'm So Far Away From Hope
Society told me the world is black and white
I didn't want to believe it
Because I want something more than a narrow minded life
I need something different
Feeling as if I was truly alone in this world
It's hard to keep believing
Feeling as if I no longer could move forward
It's difficult to keep breathing
I'm stuck between the realms of discrimination and belief
I had to lock away my tears in a prison
For I am the only one who can keep my resolve safe
But I'm such a fragile person
I knew I couldn't take any of it / I knew everyone is so swift with judgment
I knew I would fall to the hatred / I knew everyone's morals are blinded
Maybe it is meant
To be like this from beginning to end
To endure without crying
To practice the art of suffering
I wanted to find change
But I'm not strong enough for this pain
The hollowed promises won't be found
Because I was taught to despise myself
I was told that there was nothing here for me
I failed right
Lesbian-I'm a lesbian.Lesbian-5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
If you are,
Be proud of it!
Wear rainbows out in public!
Show your true self.
You'll feel so much better about everything.
I know I do.
I may still technically be in,
The rainbow filled closet,
But I'm still proud of who I am.
MasksMasks2 years ago in Emotional More Like This
Mask. . . .
Lies. . . . Pain. . . . Knifes. . . .
Are you wearing the same mask again?
You guys are terrifying. . . .
Keep smiling. . . . Keep laughing. . . . .
Keep hiding yourself. . . . . .
Nobody's gonna understand anyways. . . . . .
Heh. . .
What does that mean?
I'm sure you don't know either. . . . .
Don't make me laugh with you pretended friendship!
Don't hurt me. . .
I wanna tear that mask apart. . . . . but at the same time I wanna glue it on until there's no way it can fall off.
I wonder if you wanna do the same with my mask. . . . . .
Don't you find it suffocating?
Hard to breath?
. . . . . . . . .
There's just one question I've been dying to ask. . . .
Why not let some air in?
Are you scared it might fall off?
Are you scared of what you might find?
GravityGravity,Gravity2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Autumn wanted to learn
So, the galaxy of dead trees
coiling in your lungs
devoured her spine.
a lifeline wrapped around
her neck like a noose;
an orange and red
& you said "God bless your
heart." like some divine
higher power could forgive
her for loving you.