I'm Still HereI am screaming again and
Throwing my fists into my mattress.
I am laying here trying so hard
To be something more than this.
My sheets are crumpled from
Being horribly wide awake
And restlessly unconscious,
But they still smell like you.
And it is achingly cruel.
I don't believe I will die,
But I do believe in reckless behavior
Because as hard as I try I
Will never be good enough for you.
My hands don't fit in yours
But I keep trying to force them to.
And I know you will let me
Because I am weak and I
Will undress when you ask me to,
But I really hope you don't.
I am screaming again and
It shakes my bones.
I scream until my voice breaks
And there is nothing left.
I am hollow.
I am empty.
I am too far gone.
I Am WishingI am wishing I wasn't alone,I Am Wishing2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
That my brain would shut off,
That people would listen
When I whisper the undeniable truth.
But if no one listens
Then who the hell cares?
I am wishing that you were here
To smother my nightmares
And make me feel like I am safe.
If they can't see what I see
When I close my eyes
Then is it really there?
I am wishing that you still loved me,
That you would feel more for me
Than you do for her,
But I will never be good enough.
If you hold me and say everything is fine
Will it be a lie?
And I just wish you would say something
Because the silence screams
More truth than I can take.
And I just miss the sound of your voice like crazy.
But if I can't feel my own heart beating in my chest
Does that mean I am no longer living?
I don't know
I Hope You Haven'tHave you everI Hope You Haven't2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Felt pain to the point
You are entirely numb
And can no longer tell
That you are not breathing?
Have you ever
Been so hopelessly in love
That when he was gone
You were left with a hole
Where your heart should be?
Has the idea of happiness
Ever seemed so far away
That you thought
You would never reach it?
Have you ever
Thought you were worthless
So much that you
Lost the desire for life?
I hope you haven't felt the way I did.
When I'm GoneI want to tell you something although IWhen I'm Gone2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Don’t know why I even try.
You were never the type who liked
To listen to what was on my mind,
But I’ll just keep talking anyway.
Maybe this time I’ll get through.
Here’s the thing:
I want to be the reason why
You can’t sleep at night,
Or the reason you don’t eat.
I want you to feel that twist
In your stomach when you see
Something that reminds you of me.
I want you to know the
Feeling of a heart that has been torn.
It beats in your chest, but it still isn't
Enough to convince you that you’re alive.
I want you to feel emptiness every
Time you realize that I’m not there,
And that it is because of you.
Believe me when I say I don’t
Miss you, and that I never could have
Possibly been in love with you.
I want you to see what you've done,
And actually mean it when you say you’re sorry.
I want so many things that will never happen
All because you were better than I was.
I'm Honestly OkayI'm fine.I'm Honestly Okay2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I'm always fine.
I'm sorry if I am acting odd,
But honestly, I'm fine.
She looks away when you catch her eye,
Asks you how you are,
Even though you have just asked the same...
Does this not seem strange?
She acts like being fine,
Is all part of the job description,
She bottles it up inside,
I wonder what she hides.
She sits down and listens to your problems,
Listens and thinks intently,
But have you not seen that far off look in her eyes,
That appears every once in a while?
It never stays for long,
Pops in then straight back out,
Sometimes she has to shake herself,
To bring her thoughts back to reality.
Do you ever notice,
How she never says whats truly on her mind?
Does it worry you?
Keep you up at night?
Her skirt it twirls,
In the midnight sun,
As she spins around,
Never letting you see what she holds.
When you get an honest answer,
When she can look you in the eye,
When you ask how are you,
And do not recieve a lie.
Only then will you truly know her,
We Will Never BeI met you on August 18th of 2008.We Will Never Be2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I remember how hot it was in the classroom
That day and how your eyes widened with confusion
As I sat down next to you.
I will never forget those eyes.
You loved Mondays and dreaded Fridays.
I thought you were crazy and you told
Me that the only reason was so you
Could see me in school.
I still thought you were crazy.
We would do our math assignments on the
Playground and talk about our lives.
We were so different, but you always
Insisted that we were absolutely perfect.
I wish I would have known how right you were.
I miss you so much that I can't sleep.
But I have to keep moving because you
Promised me that we would be again, remember?
You held my hand for a second too long and
Told me that you would see me tomorrow.
And I believed you because your eyes had that same
Warm look in them that you always got when
You would tell me something important.
I've seen you three times since then, and we
Have walked away from each other
Hurt MeHurt me.Hurt Me3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Paint the floors a violent red.
Give me the scars that make them
Mix the purple and blue undertones
That destroy my body.
The colors that I try to hide.
Make me a fool.
A fool to think that
I can trust anyone.
It's a lie.
Tell me what I am, and not who.
Scream until I cry.
And make me wish for an end.
It would be the only good thing
You've ever done for me.
But you're not that kind.
Please, don't give up.You’re not alone, even if you feel such sorrowPlease, don't give up.2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Please try to calm your mind and forget about tomorrow
I know that life can hurt, but from my happiness you can borrow
Please don't cry anymore, I will help you with the troublesome morrow
Even if the bad seem to be everywhere you go
Just keep in mind that you have to stay away from what’s below
And I know that you’ll learn from these bad experiences
So then you can help those who are inexperienced
Please don’t be sad, everyone has a reason for his or her existence
You can’t ever give up, push through and have resistance
The worst thing you could do is to lose all of your hope
Just promise me that you will try to never mope
Distant Memories Of A Love Done Gone .They say it's difficult to love someoneDistant Memories Of A Love Done Gone .2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
When you can't even love yourself.
But I loved you nonetheless,
The problem was I didn't know when to stop.
You kept sending me mixed signs
Making me dizzy until I
Much less right
When our world started crumbling down and
T e a r i n g at the seams
It was so easy for you to let it fall apart.
But I, knowing no other kind of love,
desperately clung to the remaining bits,
Trying to put them back together.
Yet the pieces changed too much, too quickly,
They kept growing and
growing a p a r t,
until your world was only yours
and mine a hollow echo of its past.
Looking back now, it seems like it
All happened in a different life,
With some other you, some other me,
And the lips kissing my own were just a dream.
I Can't Hear You AnymoreThe clouds are heavy tonight,I Can't Hear You Anymore2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
And I am suffocating,
Choking on my own words
As they fly from my mouth.
You never cared about yourself,
And after your death that
Became hard to think about.
(But I do anyway.)
I suddenly find myself missing
The years we had spent together
And how spider webs would form in
The corners of your eyes when you smiled.
But the thing is that I can’t hear you anymore.
I can’t remember the sound
Of your voice or the feeling of
Your hands as they touched my lips.
You once told me that home
Is where you lie,
But I hate it here, and
I hate living with these ghosts.
Song Writing SeaShe can't write,Song Writing Sea2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Not at this time.
In a sea of silence,
She's losing her mind.
The words are flowing
out of reach.
The ocean roars
and beats the rocks.
It plays a bass
that will not stop.
She bobs on the surface
then falls underneath.
Slowly she rises,
Finding her feet.
The pencil lifts
and finds its way to her lip.
She zones out
and chews at its tip.
A lightning bolt strikes,
Her pencil flies to the page.
It scribbles crazily,
Almost in a rage.
She can't speak,
Not at this time.
In a sea of words,
She's finding her mind.
I Love You, In A WayI love you in a way that keepsI Love You, In A Way1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
Me from sleeping at night,
In a way that crushes my heart
Whenever I see her.
It makes it hard for me to write anything
Because I love you and
Hate you all at the same time,
And all I’m doing is confusing everyone.
I want you to love me
All night long just one time,
And I want you to make me not
Regret it the very next day.
I want to throw my arms around
You whenever I see you,
And remember what it was
Like to feel cared for.
Your bed isn’t comfortable anymore,
Nor is your body,
But you still give me the best
Sleep I’ve ever had.
I hope someday I will be younger,
And that I will be out of love with you.
I hope someday you will be older,
And that you will understand.
Self-InflictedSelf-InflictedSelf-Inflicted2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I just hate myself.
I hate the life that I lead.
I hate the things that I've done.
I keep trying to figure out.
Where it is exactly that I went wrong.
No matter how hard I try to evade
And blame others for my actions.
At some point I am forced to accept.
That the problem resides within me
And the answer remains absent.
I am the common dominator.
I am the back stabbing selfish traitor.
It's nothing to do with how I was raised
Or the credentials and intentions of my creators.
We choose our own paths.
We make our own decisions.
It is only us that determine what kind of life we lead.
There may be externa
Discarded.You cry for your sorrows and you bleed for your dreams,Discarded.2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Just always remember, this world is not what it seems.
You can be the best of friends and then disappear,
They'll just discard you, I know it's hard to hear.
But this has happened enough to me,
It's all everyone's been doing recently.
So here I lie, discarded, fearing to stand up,
Because what waits just isn't worth getting up.
Thrown away and lying in a puddle of mud and blood,
All the other times I got up, and wiped off the mud.
But this time, as I lie here, broken and bloody,
I don't want to get up, I want to be a dead body.
I know getting up is inevitable, because I will never give in,
But I really just want to give up and say that "I'm done in."
Love LiesLove lies.Love Lies2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
And I was never in love.
I will deny it every time you ask.
I will say "No."
I will say "It didn't mean anything."
I will say "I'm fine."
In your fingertips as you trace
The curves of my body,
Memorizing every turn.
And I was happy.
But suddenly I'm screaming and
Holding my head in my hands
Because I can't remember how to breathe.
And I'm pounding my dashboard because
I can't handle listening to this song anymore.
But I don't like the silence.
And I didn't ask for this.
I didn't mean to spit my heart out so close
To your feet because you keep stepping on it,
And I don't think you even realize it.
I don't want to lean into your words
As they fall from your soft lips
Because I know that they're false.
And it makes me angry as hell.
I guess what I'm saying is:
I don't need you.
I don't want you.
I was never yours.
And I was never in love.
I will deny it every time you ask.
I will say "No."
I will say "It didn't mean
If tomorrow I don't Wake upI wonder what would happenIf tomorrow I don't Wake up2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
If I was never to wake up
Would people even care
I wonder if a commotion would erupt
Would anyone even notice
That I wasn't alive
Would my mother even mourn me
Or could she guess that I wouldn't survive
Well I'm still not dead
But I can barely call this living
I feel like a corpse
That hasn't given up on breathing
But I wonder what would happen
If I was actually to die
Would anyone be bothered
Or care enough to cry
Maybe everyone's just used to
Me living like a corpse
So no one would be bothered
Or life change the slightest off of course
But if I would never wake up
There's no way to know what happens the next day
Won't know if people really care about me
But..maybe it's better off that way
Of BlissKissing daffodils sway,Of Bliss2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
serenaded by the waver of
faces blushing bright
as the sunlight
Your StoryI'd much rather cry for youYour Story2 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
'Cause my story is too painful to share
I'd much rather smile for you
'Cause my story is too painful to bare
So come here and I'll wrap my arms around you
Come here and I'll let your story shine
But after you share your story
Please don't ask me about mine
If only I could play the violin
I'd share my past through sorrowful chords
Vibrato on strings would be my voice
Fighting my demons with imaginary swords
Although I'm limited to words on paper
And the words aren't sung by a beautiful voice
These words make my story into a song
And this song confronts you with a choice
You can close your eyes
And pretend this is a fairytale
Pretend it's a meaningless story
That was never once true
Or you can open your eyes
And realise deep down
That the story isn't just about me
That you're the main character too
If you don't want to tell your story
As it is, spoken word to word
Turn your art into your voice
And you will always be heard
A picture speaks a thousand words
I Might Need YouI think I might need you,I Might Need You2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
But here's the thing:
I'm spinning out of control
And careening off the side of the road.
I pretend to hold on to the wheel,
But we both know I'll crash.
It wasn't a fair fight.
If you would listen,
If you would actually listen,
You would hear me whispering
"I want you."
"I need you."
And if you would listen,
If you would actually listen,
You would know that
We are horribly wrong
For each other,
And that my words mean nothing.
But what's to stop us from
Sharing our sheets anyway?
We sleep folded together
Like slips of origami paper
Pressed so tightly that
We could not possibly split.
I think I might need you,
But here's the thing:
I really wish I didn't.
I wish it was you,
And not me.
Hating to Love youLife goes byHating to Love you2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Its nearly the end of October
Eleven months since you left me
And I still can't seem to keep sober
Drink after drink
Living off of intoxication
Can't mend this broken heart
But its the best medication
Holding on to the past
Feels like I'm stuck in one place
Still being haunted by your voice
And that last look on your face
I'm starting to hate
Everything I once loved about you
Like the thickness of your lips
And how your eyes would shine blue
The sound of your voice
The accent when you'd pronounce my name
What I really hate
Is that no one can pronounce it the same
I hate that I love you
And can't seem to forget you
I hate that I'm broken
And can't seem to get through
I hate that I lost you
I hate you're not here
That every day I'm lonely
And living with fear
But I no longer love you!
Or so I would love to say
But I will always love you
Just hopefully not always like today
NightmaresI don't want to fall asleepNightmares2 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
I can't bare to close my eyes
I can't stand what's inside my head
Be it made of truth or lies
'Cause when I fall asleep
The nightmares take place
The worst things I can imagine
Scarier than any screaming face
In my dreams
I see you there
But you're hurting me on purpose
And you don't seem to care
I see you with other girls
And you look so happy
And I'm stood there screaming
Telling you it should be me
But you're not listening
You're too busy having fun
I can't get away from what I'm seeing
No matter how much I try to run
I'm seeing you with girlfriends
I've never even heard of
Telling them they're beautiful
As I start to sob
Then I wake up in the dark
And I'm lying here alone
With no one here to comfort me
Just me on my own
You may think the worst part is over
But it's only just begun
'Cause when I go back to sleep
I know I'll have another one
Nightmares that leave me crying
When I wake up in bed
Wishing every night
That they would stay out my head
But I kno
MaybeYour body has been usedMaybe2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
By all of those who are broken.
The ones who are trying to repair
Their own wounds with
No regards towards your own.
You are a hand for him to hold
While he thinks of her
And tries to forget the emptiness
And the fact that he is alone.
For a brief moment while
He is inside of you,
You feel as if you are the
Missing half of the whole,
And it is perfect.
He recites memorized lines
And you wonder who else
Has heard them before you,
But you tell yourself that
You're the first anyway.
Your body has been used
By all of those who are broken,
And you begin to wish that
You could be loved once,
And loved most.
Everything in life.I need to hurt myself... No, you don't.Everything in life.2 years ago in Concrete Poetry More Like This
I did this... I need to hurt myself for it.
It won't go away if you do, you know it won't.
But everything in life has its consequence...
Maybe if I hurt myself, then I won't have to feel them,
Maybe it'll be consequence enough, if I'm hurt then.
Maybe she won't dump me for what I did too,
Maybe it'll be consequence enough for what I did to you.
I don't get why you're worried though...
But I dream the future, read my poetry, sometimes, I do.
And a few nights I felt a crossover, a nightmare come true,
And now I know that it has happened, because of what I did to you.
So now, I need to hurt myself, to give me a consequence,
So now, I need to fade away, and never be spoken of since.
And now, I want to hurt myself, to save myself more pain,
But all things come to an end, and it's always the same.